Finding Ourselves - Chapter 2
Title: Finding ourselves - Chapter 2
Author: Annie
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Jensen/Jared - mention of others
Rating: Still PG13 - but will change in other chapters
Summary: Ten years down the line - They have lost touch. Jared is divorced and Jensen newly widowed with a child. Can they find themselves again?
Disclaimer: This is a complete work of fiction. I don’t own either of them and I don’t own Sandy either.
Previous chapter
Jared drove his land rover over to Jensen’s parent’s house. He wanted to take Jensen out for the evening, to try and help him to forget his problems, even if it were only for a little while. Years ago they would have gone for several beers followed by shots and easy women; now he guessed a quiet meal in a small restaurant serving Mexican food would be about right for them.
He had chosen the restaurant with care, it was located in the quieter part of town; was intimate and private and the ideal place to catch up on lost years and lost lives.
Jensen had always loved Mexican food but now his friend only sat and picked at his chilli, pushing it around his plate, making no real effort to eat it. Jared noted how pale Jensen looked, how there were shadows around his eyes and lines around his mouth that had never been there before. Jared nibbled at his own rice, poking at the spicy chicken that, only minutes ago, had looked so appetising. “So” Jensen spoke suddenly, making a definite effort to break the silence “Tell me what’s been happening with you Jared” he smiled, encouragingly “Since we last spoke”
Jared sighed, wondering what he should say. Should he give Jensen the honest version of his life so far. How the television pilot hadn’t been picked up - again. How the movie shot in England had been critically acclaimed but had flopped at the box office. How he had let Sandy stay in the pointlessly large house they had built in LA. How the only scripts he now had in his possession were lame TV pilots that all seemed to read like a geriatric Supernatural, a sort of ghost hunters with Zimmer frames. How he was just weeks away from packing the whole thing in and working on his fathers ranch or going back to college and getting back into engineering. He shrugged, always an easy liar, and forced a smile “Yeah - well - things are going ok - you know” he leant back against the leather chair and cocked his head towards Jensen “Don’t need to tell me about you man - you are one of Hollywood’s finest now” he raised a brow “In the box office Top Ten for the sixth year running”
“Yeah” Jensen finally gave up on his chilli, pushing it away. He looked up suddenly and Jared saw the haunted look in his eyes “Rebecca - she had cancer Jared - she had cancer” he swallowed “I got her to the finest Doctors, she saw specialists, slept in the best beds, had the most intensive treatment money could buy - but it didn’t matter - she still died” he rubbed a hand across his face and Jared saw the tears as they smeared along his cheekbones “I’d give it all away tomorrow just to have her back Jared” he shook his head as if to clear it “All the money, all the fame, I don’t give jack shit for any of it. I just want my wife back, I want Morgan to have a mom again” his eyes glinted for a moment and then he fell silent.
Jared wanted to lean forward, to hold him, but it was as if there was a wall between them. Whatever had linked them all those years ago had shattered and broken and Jared wondered if he would ever be able to fix it again. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, feeling frustrated, useless. Jensen bit his lip “I’m sorry” he muttered
“Don’t be” Jared forced a smile “Don’t be sorry Jen”
“I should go now” Jensen looked at his watch “My mom has Morgan and she can be a handful at times”
“Maybe…Maybe we could do something together” the words tumbled out before Jared could stop them “You know - you, me and Morgan”
“Like what?” Jensen’s expression was unreadable “She’s a little confused at the moment Jared, her mom just died and she doesn’t really understand, I’m not sure she’d welcome a stranger into her life”
“I’m not a stranger” Jensen’s words stung a little “I was…am your best friend”
“That was then” Jensen looked painfully like Dean for a moment, still wearing his game face “This is now Jared”
“Look, all I’m asking is that you bring her up to the ranch for a while. We have ponies she can ride - all little girls like ponies don’t they?”
“I guess” he could tell that Jensen was weakening “I guess it wouldn’t hurt”
“Great” Jared’s heart lifted a little “Saturday then?” he knew he was pushing but he couldn’t help it.
“Ok - Saturday - but you’re not getting me on a horse - is that clear?”
“Clear”
Saturday
As predicted Morgan was instantly in love with the ponies and wanted to ride every one of them. Jared had picked out a palomino, pure white with just a small black mark over one eye. She was gentle and easy to lead and Morgan squealed with delight as her daddy lifted her on the pony’s back and led her round the enclosure.
Jared leant against the ring fence and watched. Jensen was dressed more casually today in blue jeans and a blue shirt. Pushing forty, he was still a beautiful man, all strong lines and soft features; lips like a woman’s and burning green eyes. Jared could see why women found him attractive, always could and he felt his stomach clench strangely as Jensen looked up at him and gave him a casual wave.
Had he always wanted more? Jared didn’t know and didn’t like to look too deep within himself to find out the answer. He had liked Jensen from the moment he set eyes on him and they had become firm friends from day one. It wasn’t just that they were two Texas boys or the fact that they shared a similar work ethic and the same sick sense of humour. It had been more than that; there had been a closeness, an intimacy about their relationship and Jared had felt closer to Jensen than Sandy - a fact that had constantly annoyed his girlfriend - and he had shared his confidences and his worries with his co-star, telling him things that he hadn’t told anyone, not his parents, his siblings or his fiancée. Jared shuddered suddenly, despite the heat of the day. This was Jensen, his friend, the man who had just lost his wife, a man who was broken and lost and what was he doing? He was leering at his friend like some lovesick teenager with a crush. Jared thrust his hands in his pockets and looked away. He just wasn’t thinking clearly, that was all.
Morgan found the puppies in the barn. They were Sadie’s grand pups, big boned and sandy haired, soft bundles of fur and claws. The little girl fell on her knees and buried her face in the puppy’s silky pelt. Jared grinned “Would you like one?” he knelt down beside her “If your daddy says yes”
“You’re really tall” she eyed him with some suspicion “You’re like a giant and giants are bad”
“I’m not bad” Jared looked up at Jensen appealing for help “I’m a good giant - a gentle giant - I won’t eat you”
“Not this week at least” Jensen squatted down next to his daughter “Would you like a puppy sweetheart? I guess grandma wouldn’t mind”
“I guess” her stubby fingers moved fitfully in the puppy’s fur “Mummy would have liked one - wouldn’t she?”
“Yeah” Jensen swallowed and Jared put a tentative hand on his arm “She would”
“You can come back next week and choose one” Jared smiled “They will be old enough to leave their mummy then” he ruffled her hair and she looked up at him, eyes beginning to fill with trust “Then I can help you train your pup - you know - get them to shake paws, walk to heel, sit up and beg” he was desperate for an excuse to see Jensen again and he felt lower than a snake’s hips using his daughter to do it “Would you like that?”
“Yes” she nodded and put her hands up to him, linking them round his neck “Lift me up” she urged “I want to see what it looks like to be as high as you”
Jared lifted her and put her on his shoulders, his big hands holding tight to her waist. Beside him, Jensen let out a snort of laughter and Jared’s heart lifted a little. He suddenly wanted to be a part of this, to be part of a family, to be part of this family. He smiled at his friend and Jensen smiled back. ‘This is it’ thought Jared ‘This is it - I’m going to fix him - its going to be alright’.
Next chapter
Author: Annie
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Jensen/Jared - mention of others
Rating: Still PG13 - but will change in other chapters
Summary: Ten years down the line - They have lost touch. Jared is divorced and Jensen newly widowed with a child. Can they find themselves again?
Disclaimer: This is a complete work of fiction. I don’t own either of them and I don’t own Sandy either.
Previous chapter
Jared drove his land rover over to Jensen’s parent’s house. He wanted to take Jensen out for the evening, to try and help him to forget his problems, even if it were only for a little while. Years ago they would have gone for several beers followed by shots and easy women; now he guessed a quiet meal in a small restaurant serving Mexican food would be about right for them.
He had chosen the restaurant with care, it was located in the quieter part of town; was intimate and private and the ideal place to catch up on lost years and lost lives.
Jensen had always loved Mexican food but now his friend only sat and picked at his chilli, pushing it around his plate, making no real effort to eat it. Jared noted how pale Jensen looked, how there were shadows around his eyes and lines around his mouth that had never been there before. Jared nibbled at his own rice, poking at the spicy chicken that, only minutes ago, had looked so appetising. “So” Jensen spoke suddenly, making a definite effort to break the silence “Tell me what’s been happening with you Jared” he smiled, encouragingly “Since we last spoke”
Jared sighed, wondering what he should say. Should he give Jensen the honest version of his life so far. How the television pilot hadn’t been picked up - again. How the movie shot in England had been critically acclaimed but had flopped at the box office. How he had let Sandy stay in the pointlessly large house they had built in LA. How the only scripts he now had in his possession were lame TV pilots that all seemed to read like a geriatric Supernatural, a sort of ghost hunters with Zimmer frames. How he was just weeks away from packing the whole thing in and working on his fathers ranch or going back to college and getting back into engineering. He shrugged, always an easy liar, and forced a smile “Yeah - well - things are going ok - you know” he leant back against the leather chair and cocked his head towards Jensen “Don’t need to tell me about you man - you are one of Hollywood’s finest now” he raised a brow “In the box office Top Ten for the sixth year running”
“Yeah” Jensen finally gave up on his chilli, pushing it away. He looked up suddenly and Jared saw the haunted look in his eyes “Rebecca - she had cancer Jared - she had cancer” he swallowed “I got her to the finest Doctors, she saw specialists, slept in the best beds, had the most intensive treatment money could buy - but it didn’t matter - she still died” he rubbed a hand across his face and Jared saw the tears as they smeared along his cheekbones “I’d give it all away tomorrow just to have her back Jared” he shook his head as if to clear it “All the money, all the fame, I don’t give jack shit for any of it. I just want my wife back, I want Morgan to have a mom again” his eyes glinted for a moment and then he fell silent.
Jared wanted to lean forward, to hold him, but it was as if there was a wall between them. Whatever had linked them all those years ago had shattered and broken and Jared wondered if he would ever be able to fix it again. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, feeling frustrated, useless. Jensen bit his lip “I’m sorry” he muttered
“Don’t be” Jared forced a smile “Don’t be sorry Jen”
“I should go now” Jensen looked at his watch “My mom has Morgan and she can be a handful at times”
“Maybe…Maybe we could do something together” the words tumbled out before Jared could stop them “You know - you, me and Morgan”
“Like what?” Jensen’s expression was unreadable “She’s a little confused at the moment Jared, her mom just died and she doesn’t really understand, I’m not sure she’d welcome a stranger into her life”
“I’m not a stranger” Jensen’s words stung a little “I was…am your best friend”
“That was then” Jensen looked painfully like Dean for a moment, still wearing his game face “This is now Jared”
“Look, all I’m asking is that you bring her up to the ranch for a while. We have ponies she can ride - all little girls like ponies don’t they?”
“I guess” he could tell that Jensen was weakening “I guess it wouldn’t hurt”
“Great” Jared’s heart lifted a little “Saturday then?” he knew he was pushing but he couldn’t help it.
“Ok - Saturday - but you’re not getting me on a horse - is that clear?”
“Clear”
Saturday
As predicted Morgan was instantly in love with the ponies and wanted to ride every one of them. Jared had picked out a palomino, pure white with just a small black mark over one eye. She was gentle and easy to lead and Morgan squealed with delight as her daddy lifted her on the pony’s back and led her round the enclosure.
Jared leant against the ring fence and watched. Jensen was dressed more casually today in blue jeans and a blue shirt. Pushing forty, he was still a beautiful man, all strong lines and soft features; lips like a woman’s and burning green eyes. Jared could see why women found him attractive, always could and he felt his stomach clench strangely as Jensen looked up at him and gave him a casual wave.
Had he always wanted more? Jared didn’t know and didn’t like to look too deep within himself to find out the answer. He had liked Jensen from the moment he set eyes on him and they had become firm friends from day one. It wasn’t just that they were two Texas boys or the fact that they shared a similar work ethic and the same sick sense of humour. It had been more than that; there had been a closeness, an intimacy about their relationship and Jared had felt closer to Jensen than Sandy - a fact that had constantly annoyed his girlfriend - and he had shared his confidences and his worries with his co-star, telling him things that he hadn’t told anyone, not his parents, his siblings or his fiancée. Jared shuddered suddenly, despite the heat of the day. This was Jensen, his friend, the man who had just lost his wife, a man who was broken and lost and what was he doing? He was leering at his friend like some lovesick teenager with a crush. Jared thrust his hands in his pockets and looked away. He just wasn’t thinking clearly, that was all.
Morgan found the puppies in the barn. They were Sadie’s grand pups, big boned and sandy haired, soft bundles of fur and claws. The little girl fell on her knees and buried her face in the puppy’s silky pelt. Jared grinned “Would you like one?” he knelt down beside her “If your daddy says yes”
“You’re really tall” she eyed him with some suspicion “You’re like a giant and giants are bad”
“I’m not bad” Jared looked up at Jensen appealing for help “I’m a good giant - a gentle giant - I won’t eat you”
“Not this week at least” Jensen squatted down next to his daughter “Would you like a puppy sweetheart? I guess grandma wouldn’t mind”
“I guess” her stubby fingers moved fitfully in the puppy’s fur “Mummy would have liked one - wouldn’t she?”
“Yeah” Jensen swallowed and Jared put a tentative hand on his arm “She would”
“You can come back next week and choose one” Jared smiled “They will be old enough to leave their mummy then” he ruffled her hair and she looked up at him, eyes beginning to fill with trust “Then I can help you train your pup - you know - get them to shake paws, walk to heel, sit up and beg” he was desperate for an excuse to see Jensen again and he felt lower than a snake’s hips using his daughter to do it “Would you like that?”
“Yes” she nodded and put her hands up to him, linking them round his neck “Lift me up” she urged “I want to see what it looks like to be as high as you”
Jared lifted her and put her on his shoulders, his big hands holding tight to her waist. Beside him, Jensen let out a snort of laughter and Jared’s heart lifted a little. He suddenly wanted to be a part of this, to be part of a family, to be part of this family. He smiled at his friend and Jensen smiled back. ‘This is it’ thought Jared ‘This is it - I’m going to fix him - its going to be alright’.
Next chapter