Fic: From Weak to Strong - Part 3/3

[sunsetwriter]

Title: From Weak to Strong
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The characters of Law & Order: SVU  do not belong to me.  No infringement intended and no profit will be made from their use.
Spoilers: For episodes: Weak, Loss, Guilt, Taken
Summary: A continuation of the Season 6 episode "Weak"
Author's Note: After watching the episode "Weak", I thought there had to be more to Olivia and Rebecca's history than what was shown on-screen.  This is my take on their story.  It begins with the final scene of that episode...


"Kind of ironic, isn't it?  Me almost getting shot brought us together, and it ended up being a gunshot that took her away instead of me."

“So, how did you and Alex manage to keep your relationship from interfering with your jobs and vice versa?”

“We just kept up the pact about not discussing our cases outside of work. We actually saw our personal time together as an escape. We didn’t have that much of it to begin with, so our free time together was precious to us. We agreed to not let work interfere with it. And we knew we had a lot to lose if we brought our personal lives to work with us.”

“And no one in the squad knew?”

Olivia shook her head. “Elliot knew I was seeing someone, but he didn’t know who. I don’t think he would ever have suspected it was Alex.”

“How do you keep something like that from your partner?”

“The cases that we see are some of the worst that humanity has to offer. You shelter yourself from that as much as you can.  We learn to compartmentalize as much as possible. That means keeping your personal life as far away from the job as you can. We all understand that and accept it.” Rebecca was surprised to see a flicker of amusement then cross Olivia’s face. “Elliot did almost catch us once though.”

Olivia was just lighting the last candle when the buzzer rang. She walked over to the speaker and pressed the intercom button. “What’d you do? Forget your key?”

Elliot’s voice answered. “Obviously you were expecting someone else.”

Olivia froze. “Elliot?” She had been expecting Alex.

“Hey, partner. Sorry for the intrusion, but I need to get the earrings. Kathy’s birthday is tomorrow.”

“Oh, God, Elliot, I forgot I had them.” Olivia had gone with her partner to pick out a birthday gift for his wife the previous day and had put the small box in her purse for safe-keeping. “Come on up.” She hit the door release and turned to get her purse from the bedroom.

She retrieved the jewelry box from her purse as her partner knocked on the door. Hoping he would be gone before Alex arrived, Olivia opened the door.

“Hey. Sorry for just dropping in like this. I was gonna call you on the way over, but my cell died.”

She handed him the box. “No problem. Wanna come in for a minute?” She really hoped he wouldn’t take her up on it.

Eyeing the candlelight and wine glasses waiting on the coffee table. He smirked. “No. It looks like I really did interrupt something. Sorry.”

“You’re not interrupting… yet.” She glanced at her watch. Alex was due any minute and one thing the ADA always was, was punctual.

Elliot smiled. “Are you still seeing Michael?”

Olivia shook her head. “No, we never made it past the second date. Ancient history.”

“Somebody new then?”

Footsteps approaching distracted Olivia from her answer. Elliot turned to see the ADA just as she recognized the detective. A slight hesitation in her stride was the only indication that she was surprised.

“Alex?” He looked back at Olivia and then to the ADA again.  “What are you doing here?”

“Well, Elliot, I could ask you the same thing.” Always unflappable - another quality Alex possessed. When she arrived at the door, she stopped short and looked over Olivia’s shoulder. She looked from one detective to the other. “Did I come at a bad time? Am I interrupting?”

Elliot shook his head. “No.” Then his eyes widened when he realized what Alex seemed to be implying. “NO. Olivia had my wife’s birthday gift in her purse. I just stopped by to pick it up.” He held up the small box as evidence. “But, apparently Liv has a date. Later.”

Alex smirked at Elliot’s sudden nervousness. She had him off balance, just like she wanted. Then he noticed the overnight bag slung over Alex’s shoulder and seemed to regain a little of his curiosity. Alex nonchalantly removed the bag from her shoulder and handed it to Olivia. She directed her remarks to Elliot while a speechless, but somewhat amused, Olivia accepted the offered bag. “Olivia left her gym bag in my car the other day and I just stopped by to return it.” She then directed her attention to Olivia. “And thanks for putting me onto your gym, I just signed up for a membership.” In two sentences she had explained the bag, the reason for her visit and her reason for being in Olivia’s neighborhood. And it all sounded very plausible. She turned again to Elliot. “Walk me out, Detective?”

“Sure. Enjoy your evening, Liv.”

“Olivia, you didn’t tell me you had plans when I called. I could have dropped this by later.” Olivia just shrugged, still amazed at Alex’s performance. The ADA looked over the detective’s shoulder again. “Looks like you have a great evening planned.” She winked at Olivia as she turned to walk away with Elliot.

A bewildered Liv stood in her doorway, holding the overnight bag, watching her girlfriend walk away with her partner. She slowly closed the door and shook her head. She glanced at the bag and hoped that her romantic evening was still going to happen.

About twenty minutes later, she heard a light knock at the door as a key was inserted into the lock. She got to the door just as Alex stepped inside and closed it behind her. “Your partner just cost me a primo parking space.”

Olivia laughed as she gave Alex a kiss. “You. Are. Amazing.”

“You learn to think on your feet in the courtroom. Sometimes it comes in handy other places too.”

“Did you really accuse Elliot and me of having an affair?”

“Would you rather he accused the two of us of having an affair? I just put him in a situation where he was on defense rather than offense.”

Olivia chuckled. “I’m glad you’re on my team. I can’t believe he didn’t notice that I didn’t have to buzz you in.”

“Oh, he did. But I quickly explained how that nice Mrs. Muldowney in Apt. 18 let me in when I held the door for her to exit.” The ADA smirked. “I can’t believe I had to give up that parking place to drive around the block so Elliot would think I was leaving. I had to make three trips around to find another one.”

Olivia took her hand. “Poor baby.” A gentle tug toward the couch. “Maybe I can make all your efforts worthwhile.”

Alex smiled and pulled Olivia to her for another kiss. “Oh, I have no doubts about that.”

“Sounds like Alex was really something.” Rebecca couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as she listened to Olivia talk about Alex. It was obvious the detective had cared deeply for the ADA. Olivia was not one to fall easily, but when she fell, she fell hard.

“Yeah. She was something alright.” Olivia seemed to be withdrawing into herself again.

Trying to keep the detective from shutting down, Rebecca tried to take her back to the happy time she had just related to her. “So, you really don’t think Elliot knew? About you and Alex?”

Olivia shook her head. “No. I don’t think he did. He would never have let something like that slide without at least letting me know that he knew. And it was bad enough that we had to cover it up. We didn’t want to put him a position of feeling that he had to lie, or omit facts, for us. We tried really hard to keep it on the ‘down-low’ as Fin calls it.”

“That must have been difficult. You and Elliot seem really… close.”

Olivia nodded. “He’s family.”

Rebecca hesitated and then said, “Well, maybe it would help you to talk to him about it now.”

Olivia shook her head. “No. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Olivia, if he’s family, he’ll understand. And now that-” she stopped herself before she said ‘Alex is dead’. She began again rephrasing her original thought. “Now there won’t be any repercussions to you or Alex for someone else to know.”

“You know.”

“But I’m not someone you feel close to… at least not any more, and I think it would really benefit-”

“I can’t tell Elliot.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t!” The angry edge was making its way back into Olivia’s voice.

“Because you were with another woman? He doesn’t know?”

“It might be a bit of a surprise to him, but I think he would get over that.”

“Then why?”

Olivia was getting exasperated. She stood up and began to pace. “Because he would just want to help me bring her back and I can’t let him risk that! He’s got four kids.”

Rebecca was speechless as she tried to make sense of Olivia’s words. Bring her back? She blinked a few times and tried to think of the best way to respond. Her silence made Olivia stop and look at her. It was then that the detective realized her mistake. Her eyes widened and her heart seemed to stop for minute. They both spoke at the same time.

“Olivia-”

“Dammit!”

“What do you mean-”

“What do you charge your patients?” The detective had a panic stricken look, and her question was so unexpected it confused Rebecca.

“What?” The psychiatrist frowned.

Olivia spoke more deliberately, “What do you charge your patients?”

“Why does that matter? I’m not charging-”

Olivia had pulled a wad of bills from her pocket. “I have…” She quickly counted the bills. “Fifty-two dollars. I’ll give you that and make up the difference as soon as I can get to an ATM.” She shoved the bills toward Rebecca.

Still confused, Rebecca didn’t accept the money. She shook her head. “Olivia, I’m not going to charge you for talking to me tonight.”

“You have to!” Olivia was starting to sound panicked and the doctor was beginning to really worry that she was having some sort of breakdown.

“Liv, calm down.” Rebecca tried to use her “soothing voice”. “What are you talking about?”

“You have to charge me. If you charge me, then I’m a patient.” Olivia looked at Rebecca hoping for her to understand. When she got no such indication, she continued. “If I’m a patient, then whatever I tell you is at least protected by doctor-patient confidentiality. So what do you charge?”

The light was dawning on the doctor. “Olivia, you can trust me. You don’t need to pay me.”

“It’s not you that I don’t trust. Please…” Her voice was pleading as she held out the money to Rebecca again.

Rebecca reached out and plucked a dollar bill from Olivia’s hand, leaving the rest. “If I’m not filing to insurance, I can charge whatever I want. In this case, my fee is one dollar.” Seeing the skeptical look she was getting from Olivia, she amended her statement. “Confidentiality is all or nothing. It doesn’t vary according to the fee.” Rebecca paused and took a deep breath. “And now, you’re a paying patient. Anything you tell me is protected by law.”

Olivia expelled her breath and visibly relaxed. She put the remainder of her cash back in her pocket and dropped heavily back into her spot on the couch. She ran a hand through her hair and looked at Rebecca as she leaned her head back against the couch. “So, is this when you ask me what it is that I’m feeling right now?” She attempted a smirk, but it didn’t really pack it usual punch.

Rebecca took her friend’s attempt at levity as a sign of improvement and gave her a small smile in return. “No. This is where I ask you to tell me what’s going on.”

Olivia took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She covered her face with her hands for a moment and then shook her head. “I really shouldn’t tell you this, but I’ve already said more than I should have. God, I can’t believe I did that.”

Rebecca held up the dollar bill she still had in her hand as a reminder. “Olivia, whatever you tell me, doesn’t leave this room. I took an oath and I’ve never broken it. I don’t intend to start now.”

Olivia looked at her and nodded slowly. She took a deep breath and began speaking quietly. “Alex is alive. She’s in witness protection.” She took another breath to try and stop the tremor she felt seeping into her voice. “I have no idea where she is or even if she’s OK.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “And that’s the part that is killing me.”

Rebecca’s eyes widened. “So the shooting…?”

“No, that was real.” Olivia shook her head. “That was all too real. For two days, I really thought she was dead. Then we found out she was being put in witness protection.”

“We?”

“Elliot and me.”

“How did you find out?   I thought that kind of thing was hush-hush even to family members.”

Olivia gave a dry chuckle. “It is. Alex requested a ‘meeting’ with us before she left. To ‘apologize’ and say goodbye I guess.” Olivia shook her head again. “I could hardly speak, much less say anything I should have said.”

“So you didn’t get any time alone before she left?”

“No. The meeting lasted all of about three minutes and we were surrounded by DEA and US Marshals. Before I could even absorb that she was still alive, she was whisked away.” Rebecca could hear the anguish in Olivia’s voice even though she tried to hide it. “That should make it easier right? Knowing she’s alive?”

“Actually, no. Not for you. At least with a death, there’s a process that those left behind go through. First, there’s shock, then there’s grief, and then there’s recovery. You learn not to forget, but to move on. I think you’re stuck somewhere between grief and recovery. Knowing that she’s alive, doesn’t allow you move on.”

“I don’t want to move on. Not as long as I know that Alex is out there somewhere.”

“What are the odds of closing the case and allowing her to return to her life?”

The detective’s voice was almost a whisper. “Probably not very good. But I’m not giving up. I can’t.”

“Olivia-”

“Nobody’s ever gotten me the way that she does.” Olivia’s voice was stronger now. “She has this innate ability to know when to push and when to back off. She understands the job and what it can do to you. She was always there to pick up the pieces when I felt broken. She accepted me for me, even when I couldn’t, and she never once held my background against me. I never knew why she felt I was worthy of her, but she did, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her go without a fight.”

Even though Rebecca tried to remain objective, Olivia’s words stung a little. “Olivia, we can argue over the rest, but you need to know that other people who have cared for you never held your past against you.” Olivia started to protest and Rebecca held up her hand. “Just let me finish. I think the difference here is that not only did she get you, she got to know you. The real you. The one you don’t let anyone else see. You let her in, past your walls of defense.” Rebecca took a deep breath. “And she didn’t run away.”

Olivia nodded. “At least, not by choice.” Olivia’s words were stated matter-of-factly, not with malice. “So now you see why I can’t talk to anybody about her ‘death’. This is the first time I’ve slipped up and I can’t risk doing it again.” She shook her head.

“You can still talk to Elliot. He already knows she’s alive, so you wouldn’t be putting Alex in any more danger. And you already said he’s family. This is the kind of thing you need your family for. At least give it some thought.”

Olivia sighed and looked at her watch. “I really need to get going, it’s late, and we’ve both got to work tomorrow.”

Rebecca sensed that Olivia’s walls of defense she recognized so well had been raised, and would not be lowered again tonight. She was still worried about her old friend and hoped she could get her to talk again in the near future. “You’re welcome to stay here tonight.” Seeing the glimmer of surprise in Olivia’s eyes, she quickly amended her statement. “On the couch. I’ll get you a blanket and pillow.”

“No, really, I need to go home. I really need to be alone for a while. But, thank you. And, don’t faint, but you’re right. Talking about it helps.” Olivia gave her a shy smile and stood up.

Rebecca’s eyes widened and she smiled. “Well, that’s progress.” She stood to join Olivia. “I know that we’ve not exactly been friends for a long time, but I really would like for us to be. We’ve both grown up a lot since we last saw each other, and I hope you know that I really would like to help you if I can. My door’s always open if you’d like to talk.” She turned and picked up the phone. “At least let me call you a cab.”

Olivia nodded. “Thanks.” She dropped her gaze to the floor. “For everything.”

Rebecca smiled. “You’re welcome. And, Olivia, I’m really glad you found Alex.” She paused a moment. “And I hope you find her again.”

***

Elliot looked up when his partner walked into the squad room. He couldn’t help but notice the dark circles beneath her eyes. “You OK?”

Olivia shot him a look. “Good morning to you to.”

He had the decency to look sheepish. “Sorry, you just look like you didn’t get much sleep.” Or have a really bad hangover, but he thought better of adding the last bit. “And I heard about Miranda Cole.”

“Yeah.”

“I tried to find you after court…”

“Sorry, I turned off my phone.”

Elliot nodded and waited. He knew that asking questions had the opposite effect on Olivia than most - it made her clam up rather than provide answers. She sat down at her desk and looked over a couple of phone messages left by the desk sergeant. Elliot simply waited.

Finally it paid off. “Did you need me for something?” When Elliot frowned, she clarified. “You said you tried to find me.”

“Oh. No. Just gonna see if you wanted company over a beer or something.”

“I had company. Even though it was uninvited.”

Curiosity won out over patience this time. “Anybody I know?”

Olivia gave him a smirk, but answered. “Rebecca.”

Elliot frowned. “Hendrix?”

“I guess you could say we buried the hatchet.”

“Good.” Then his eyes narrowed. “I just hope it wasn’t in her.”

Olivia rolled her eyes. “You know we have a history.”

“Yeah, and you’ve been so happy about your reunion.”

Now it was Olivia’s turn to look a bit sheepish. “Yeah. Sorry about that.” She took a deep breath. “And I’m sorry about what I said to you before. The rebound thing. I was out of line. I took my frustrations with her out on you and I’m sorry.”

Elliot was a bit surprised by the apology. He tilted his head slightly and said, “It’s forgotten. But just for the record, I’m not interested in Rebecca, other than professionally.”

“I know.”

Elliot gave a slight shake of his head. “I don’t know what she did that got you so twisted up, but I hope you work it out.”

Olivia sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got time.” He hoped, that since they were the only two in the squad room at the time, she would feel comfortable talking about it.

She hesitated and then took a deep breath. “We were close when we were at the Academy.”

“How close?”

“We were roommates… and good friends.” He couldn’t help but notice that Olivia wouldn’t look him in the eye when she answered.

“Just friends or friends with benefits?”

Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but could find no words. Elliot realized that the question completely flustered his partner. He looked directly at his partner and said, “You know it wouldn’t matter to me, Liv.”

She finally found her voice. “Why would you think that?” Elliot couldn’t help but notice it was not a denial.

He shrugged. “The way you’ve been acting around her was more like a jilted lover than just a pissed off former classmate.” Olivia still didn’t offer an explanation, so he continued. “If I jumped to the wrong conclusion, then I’m sorry, but it’s been kind of hard not to notice.”

“I guess I’m not as good at hiding my emotions as I thought I was, huh?”

Elliot smiled. “It can be hard sometimes.” Olivia still seemed hesitant to talk. “I meant what I said, Liv. It doesn’t matter. You’re still my partner and nothing changes. Whoever you have in your personal life is your business. You’re happy, I’m happy. But when it affects the job, then I get a little concerned.” His tone was truly one of concern and not meant to be confrontational. He hoped Olivia would take it that way.

She nodded and took a deep breath. “Rebecca and I were at the Academy together. We were also… together. We went through a lot with each other - family stuff, Academy training - and things were going great, or so I thought. We both had our first jobs walking a beat. Everything was good. Then I came home one day and she was packing up and going to back to school. No discussion, no warning, nothing. All I got from her was that she just couldn’t deal with being a cop. She never even gave me a chance to understand why.” Olivia took another deep breath. “So that’s where I’m coming from when it comes to dealing with Rebecca.”

Elliot nodded. “That certainly explains a lot.” He hesitated. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you went through that.”

Olivia shrugged. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? I got over it. I got over her.”

“You hadn’t heard from her at all until now?”

“She called a couple of times and left messages, but I never returned the calls.” She gave a wry smile. “I heard she was a shrink, and that didn’t make me any more eager to get back in touch.”

“So how’d you manage to get together with her last night?”

“She followed me from the courthouse. We argued. She apologized. I had a bit too much to drink and let my emotions get the best of me. So she took me to her place and we had really strong coffee and talked about a lot of things. It’s been a long time, and like she said, we’ve both grown up and we’ve both changed.” She hesitated briefly. “I think it helped. She actually seems pretty good at the shrink stuff.” She saw Elliot’s eyes widen. “And if you tell her I said that, I’ll be forced to kill you.”

Elliot laughed. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“And I’m sorry for not telling you about everything else. It just… I don’t know, never seemed like the right time I guess.”

“Well, if we’re being totally honest, I can’t say I haven’t wondered occasionally.” Olivia’s eyebrows skyrocketed.

“When?”

Elliot shrugged. “You just seem to click with certain people and they’re almost always women.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I used to think that you and Alex might have something going. The way you used to-” He stopped abruptly when he saw the expression on his partner’s face.

“What?” She realized too late that she couldn’t hide her emotions from Elliot.

“Did you?”

“Did I what?”

“You and Alex. Were you…?”

“Elliot…”

“Oh my God. You were!”

“Elliot…   Let’s not do this here.”

“How did I miss that?!”

“Obviously you didn’t.”

“Were you…? When she…?” He seemed to be having a hard time putting together complete sentences.

Olivia glanced around at the people starting to show up for the day shift. “What are you doing after work tonight?”

“What?” He frowned at the abrupt change of subject.

“After work. How about I buy you a beer? And then I’ll tell you everything.”

He stared at her for a moment before he smiled. “You were shagging Alex.”

That made her smile. “OK, maybe not everything…”

FADE TO BLACK