Fic: Pleather and Blond Hair and Paisley, Oh My!
Title: Pleather and Blond Hair and Paisley, Oh My!
Author: sunriseinspace
Character(s): Jim Kirk / Leonard McCoy, bridge crew
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I like them very much, but they are not the hell my whales (horribly misquoted but it amuses me).
Summary: Comment fic from jim_and_bones . As the_dala said, an attempt to make sense out of the inexplicable. NOT a crossover or cupid!Bones fic.
+++
“What the hell are you wearing?” Leonard almost, but not quite, manages to keep his voice from cracking as he stares at Jim. The captain is sporting a paisley-print shirt whose color-scheme Leonard’s pretty sure couldn’t be any more disgusting, a truly horrific mop of a wig, and a pair of sky-blue jeans that really aren’t that bad, but no one except Leonard is allowed to know quite that clearly what Jim Kirk’s butt looks like.
No one.
Jim spins around, blond hair flying, and his face freezes, caught in some strange amalgamation of hysterical laughter and outright shock. He gapes like a goldfish out of water for a few seconds, eyes traveling over Leonard, taking in the wings, the faux-leather, and the bow, before locking squarely on Leonard’s (bare) chest.
“Bones?” he... squeaks, really, there’s no other word for it. Leonard huffs and rolls his eyes, folding his arms across his chest as he raises one eyebrow at Jim.
“Jim? My eyes are up here.”
Jim flushes, something Leonard’s pretty sure he’s never seen before, and straightens, finally pulling his gaze up above Leonard’s shoulders. They stare at each other for a few seconds, both trying to come to terms with the other’s outfit and both not quite succeeding. Leonard shifts to lean against the wall, slouching in typical annoyed amusement, thankful to any deities in this neck of the galaxy that they’re in the empty hall outside his quarters and not down at the Halloween party in full-swing in Rec Room B.
He sees the quip brewing in Jim’s eyes and his eyebrow crawls higher on his forehead, daring him to say it.
Jim Kirk never could turn down a dare.
“So, what, does this make me Psyche?”
“Dammit, Jim!”
+++
“Alrighty, lads,” Scotty crows, settled at a table in the corner just far enough away from the crowd of partying crewmen to hear himself think while still allowing for a clear view of the doors. Uhura clears her throat daintily, glaring daggers at the Scot, who promptly breaks out in a light sweat, tugging on the collar of the old mechanic’s coveralls he’s wearing. “A-and lasses,” he stutters, then picks up where he’d left off, “time t’place yer bets.”
Uhura drops a credit-chip onto the table. “One ‘dammit, Jim’, a crazy eyebrow, and an entire evening of lame Cupid jokes,” she says, tapping her ruler against her thigh. Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov all determinedly keep their eyes on her face, though the thin black-framed glasses she’s wearing are just as distracting and just as dangerous as the form-fitting pencil-skirt, white oxford, and sweater-vest she’s wearing. Never before has a ruler in the hands of an English teacher looked so deadly.
“One surly, evening-long glare, two crazy eyebrows, lame cupid jokes, and the Captain has to drag the doctor down here,” Sulu pitches in, waggling his own eyebrows over his black eye-patch, casually flipping a fencing foil in end over end before balancing it - point down - on his hand.
Christine Chapel tugs on the short hem of her naughty-nurse costume and drops her contribution on the table. “Mm, the Captain hangs on Doctor McCoy all evening, yes with the Cupid jokes, and McCoy growls at everyone who so much as looks in his direction."
“Keptin drags in doktor, one crazy eyebrow, and Doktor McCoy spends zee evening hiding in zee corner vhile zee Keptin flirts vith Lieutenant Uhura.” Chekov’s accent is a little thicker than normal, possibly due to the punch Scotty whipped up down in Engineering, and the credit-chip he tosses in nearly skitters off the table. Scotty catches it in time and puts it with the others, eyeing the ensign’s orange and black striped costume as he tries to determine his bet.
“I say the doctor comes but ducks out as soon as possible, while the Captain pouts and attempts to start a fight with Cupcake over there,” he decides, gesturing vaguely toward Matthews, who is indeed dressed as a cupcake, as he adds his chip to the pot. “All right, we’ll see where we stand at midnight and--”
Another credit-chip lands in the exact mathematical middle of the table.
“I propose that neither the Captain nor the Doctor attend the festivities this evening,” Spock intones with one eyebrow raised at their shocked expressions, though Uhura grins when he draws his heavy black robes around him and sits down at her side, brushing a hand through the shoulder-length black wig she’d convinced him to wear as part of his outfit.
“Aye, we’re on now,” Scotty mutters and knocks back his glass of punch.
+++
“So, what bet did you lose?” Jim asks breathlessly, hands clutching at Leonard’s shoulders as Leonard nibbles a path along his jaw, tasting the stubble Jim didn’t shave off for the party.
“Mm, told Christine Nyota wouldn’t get Spock to wear the costume she got him.” He still can’t believe Spock is down there dressed as the potions’ master from Joanna’s favorite wizard books. Jim huffs a short laugh that’s cut off by a moan as Leonard rips open the paisley shirt, cheerfully ruining it in the process. “You?”
“Nnh, Sulu - ah! - Sulu pinned me during PT Monday. Ohhh. He-he was gonna be Zorro the Gayblade - in gold - if I won.” His voice cracks on the last word as Leonard sinks his teeth into Jim’s shoulder, soothing it with his tongue as he pushes that stupid wig off with one hand while worming the other into the back of Jim’s very snug blue jeans.
“I’d’ve loved to see that one,” he chuckles against Jim’s chest, nuzzling a nipple as Jim melts against the wall, blunt nails digging into Leonard’s bare shoulders.
“I have to say,” Jim mutters against Leonard’s mouth as they stumble toward the bed after finally divesting each other of their costumes, “I do love the blond hair.”
“Oh, bite me, Jim.”
“Only if you ask nicely, Bones.”
+++
On the bridge the next day, Spock is positively smug and it’s disconcerting enough that Leonard decides he really doesn’t want to know the reason why.
Bridge crew costumes:
Uhura - sexy English teacher
Scotty - auto mechanic
Sulu - pirate a la Kevin Kline's Pirate King (Pirates of Penzance)
Chapel - naughty nurse
Chekov - Tigger
Spock - Professor Severus Snape
Author: sunriseinspace
Character(s): Jim Kirk / Leonard McCoy, bridge crew
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I like them very much, but they are not the hell my whales (horribly misquoted but it amuses me).
Summary: Comment fic from jim_and_bones . As the_dala said, an attempt to make sense out of the inexplicable. NOT a crossover or cupid!Bones fic.
+++
“What the hell are you wearing?” Leonard almost, but not quite, manages to keep his voice from cracking as he stares at Jim. The captain is sporting a paisley-print shirt whose color-scheme Leonard’s pretty sure couldn’t be any more disgusting, a truly horrific mop of a wig, and a pair of sky-blue jeans that really aren’t that bad, but no one except Leonard is allowed to know quite that clearly what Jim Kirk’s butt looks like.
No one.
Jim spins around, blond hair flying, and his face freezes, caught in some strange amalgamation of hysterical laughter and outright shock. He gapes like a goldfish out of water for a few seconds, eyes traveling over Leonard, taking in the wings, the faux-leather, and the bow, before locking squarely on Leonard’s (bare) chest.
“Bones?” he... squeaks, really, there’s no other word for it. Leonard huffs and rolls his eyes, folding his arms across his chest as he raises one eyebrow at Jim.
“Jim? My eyes are up here.”
Jim flushes, something Leonard’s pretty sure he’s never seen before, and straightens, finally pulling his gaze up above Leonard’s shoulders. They stare at each other for a few seconds, both trying to come to terms with the other’s outfit and both not quite succeeding. Leonard shifts to lean against the wall, slouching in typical annoyed amusement, thankful to any deities in this neck of the galaxy that they’re in the empty hall outside his quarters and not down at the Halloween party in full-swing in Rec Room B.
He sees the quip brewing in Jim’s eyes and his eyebrow crawls higher on his forehead, daring him to say it.
Jim Kirk never could turn down a dare.
“So, what, does this make me Psyche?”
“Dammit, Jim!”
+++
“Alrighty, lads,” Scotty crows, settled at a table in the corner just far enough away from the crowd of partying crewmen to hear himself think while still allowing for a clear view of the doors. Uhura clears her throat daintily, glaring daggers at the Scot, who promptly breaks out in a light sweat, tugging on the collar of the old mechanic’s coveralls he’s wearing. “A-and lasses,” he stutters, then picks up where he’d left off, “time t’place yer bets.”
Uhura drops a credit-chip onto the table. “One ‘dammit, Jim’, a crazy eyebrow, and an entire evening of lame Cupid jokes,” she says, tapping her ruler against her thigh. Scotty, Sulu, and Chekov all determinedly keep their eyes on her face, though the thin black-framed glasses she’s wearing are just as distracting and just as dangerous as the form-fitting pencil-skirt, white oxford, and sweater-vest she’s wearing. Never before has a ruler in the hands of an English teacher looked so deadly.
“One surly, evening-long glare, two crazy eyebrows, lame cupid jokes, and the Captain has to drag the doctor down here,” Sulu pitches in, waggling his own eyebrows over his black eye-patch, casually flipping a fencing foil in end over end before balancing it - point down - on his hand.
Christine Chapel tugs on the short hem of her naughty-nurse costume and drops her contribution on the table. “Mm, the Captain hangs on Doctor McCoy all evening, yes with the Cupid jokes, and McCoy growls at everyone who so much as looks in his direction."
“Keptin drags in doktor, one crazy eyebrow, and Doktor McCoy spends zee evening hiding in zee corner vhile zee Keptin flirts vith Lieutenant Uhura.” Chekov’s accent is a little thicker than normal, possibly due to the punch Scotty whipped up down in Engineering, and the credit-chip he tosses in nearly skitters off the table. Scotty catches it in time and puts it with the others, eyeing the ensign’s orange and black striped costume as he tries to determine his bet.
“I say the doctor comes but ducks out as soon as possible, while the Captain pouts and attempts to start a fight with Cupcake over there,” he decides, gesturing vaguely toward Matthews, who is indeed dressed as a cupcake, as he adds his chip to the pot. “All right, we’ll see where we stand at midnight and--”
Another credit-chip lands in the exact mathematical middle of the table.
“I propose that neither the Captain nor the Doctor attend the festivities this evening,” Spock intones with one eyebrow raised at their shocked expressions, though Uhura grins when he draws his heavy black robes around him and sits down at her side, brushing a hand through the shoulder-length black wig she’d convinced him to wear as part of his outfit.
“Aye, we’re on now,” Scotty mutters and knocks back his glass of punch.
+++
“So, what bet did you lose?” Jim asks breathlessly, hands clutching at Leonard’s shoulders as Leonard nibbles a path along his jaw, tasting the stubble Jim didn’t shave off for the party.
“Mm, told Christine Nyota wouldn’t get Spock to wear the costume she got him.” He still can’t believe Spock is down there dressed as the potions’ master from Joanna’s favorite wizard books. Jim huffs a short laugh that’s cut off by a moan as Leonard rips open the paisley shirt, cheerfully ruining it in the process. “You?”
“Nnh, Sulu - ah! - Sulu pinned me during PT Monday. Ohhh. He-he was gonna be Zorro the Gayblade - in gold - if I won.” His voice cracks on the last word as Leonard sinks his teeth into Jim’s shoulder, soothing it with his tongue as he pushes that stupid wig off with one hand while worming the other into the back of Jim’s very snug blue jeans.
“I’d’ve loved to see that one,” he chuckles against Jim’s chest, nuzzling a nipple as Jim melts against the wall, blunt nails digging into Leonard’s bare shoulders.
“I have to say,” Jim mutters against Leonard’s mouth as they stumble toward the bed after finally divesting each other of their costumes, “I do love the blond hair.”
“Oh, bite me, Jim.”
“Only if you ask nicely, Bones.”
+++
On the bridge the next day, Spock is positively smug and it’s disconcerting enough that Leonard decides he really doesn’t want to know the reason why.
Bridge crew costumes:
Uhura - sexy English teacher
Scotty - auto mechanic
Sulu - pirate a la Kevin Kline's Pirate King (Pirates of Penzance)
Chapel - naughty nurse
Chekov - Tigger
Spock - Professor Severus Snape