ORIGINAL: "RIDDLES" SLASH
Summary: And you thought there was only trash and pigeon poop under bridges...
Once upon a time there was a wise and powerful fairy king, who had been blessed with a lovely daughter. And the princess was beautiful and clever and perhaps just a tiny bit vain. So when it came time for her to choose a husband she refused all the candidates as unworthy of her until finally the king declared that whosoever would be able to answer three riddles would earn his daughter’s hand.
So men came from far and wide to test their cleverness and try to win the hand of the fair princess, but none were able to answer even the first riddle, much less all three. Then one evening a lowly troll entered the palace and requested a try. The princess saw his ugliness and turned up her nose, but her father was a kind and honorable king. So a riddle was posed to the troll, and he was granted a day and a night to give his answer. When the time limit ran out, he approached the princess, who wrinkled her nose against his smell as he whispered his answer in her ear. And she gasped in surprise and granted that his answer was correct.
So the king asked the troll a second riddle, and he was given a day and a night in which to give his answer. When the sun had set, the troll climbed the stairs to the princess’s throne and she wrinkled her nose at his torn and dirty clothes, and he whispered his answer in her ear. Again she gasped in surprise and granted that his answer was correct, but this time her eyes turned appraising when she looked at him.
So the king asked his final riddle and the troll was once gain granted one day and one night in which to give his answer. When dusk arrived and he climbed the stairs to where the princess sat upon her throne, she did not wrinkle her nose quite as much. And when he whispered his answer into her hear she smiled softly as she gasped in surprise. She granted that his final answer was just as correct as his first had been.
So the beautiful fairy princess married her clever troll. And she slowly became a little less vain-though she never forgot just how lovely she really was-and he began to bathe and wear clean clothing a little more frequently-though he still occasionally ate with his hands and forgot to wipe his feet as he entered their home. And they lived more or less happily ever after.
Their first child was a son who was wise and honorable and kind like his grandfather. Their second child was a daughter who was lovely and clever-and perhaps a little vain-like her mother. Their third child was another son, and while he was clever, he was also a little awkward. While he was kind, he also took after his father in looks. As time passed he realized daily that he never quite fit in with his family. So he distanced himself slowly, much to their dismay, only returning home for the occasional family dinner. Instead he spent most of his time in the human world, hiding where he would not be compared to his siblings.
“That’s it?”
Klem blinked in surprise. “I’m sorry?”
Gavin sighed and shook his head. “That’s all you’ve got for me? It seems so…normal. And perhaps a little heavy on the self pity.” He raked his eyes over the man in front of him, taking in the green cast to Klem’s skin, the orange of his eyes. His nose was perhaps a little bulbous, his ears were a trifle large, but it was nothing particularly awful. “I mean, you’re not exactly typical looking, but I don’t think you’re that bad. Certainly not hideous enough for self-imposed exile.”
Klem continued to stare at him for a long moment before slowly shaking his head in disbelief. “I don’t think you understand.” He held up a hand to forestall any more comments from Gavin. “Really, you don’t. You’ve never seen a fairy, much less a fairy prince or princess. It’s a little much to live up to. But all of that is irrelevant. I’m not sure why I’m talking to you about it.” He waved Gavin over to a chair. “Sit. Don’t touch anything. I’ll make us some tea and we’ll discuss the terms.”
Gavin moved to the indicated chair, looking around the room with curiosity as Klem fiddled with a teapot. Just an hour ago he had been walking through the warehouse district, avoiding killer potholes and costumed miscreants. He had been reflecting on how there was something vaguely unnerving about watching a hoard of zombies do shots at the Irish bar when he had stumbled upon a body, sprawled in an empty parking lot. Gavin’s first thought was that the inert form was simply another idiot celebrating All Hallows’ Eve with perhaps a few too many gravediggers. Imagine his surprise when he had tried to pull the green face off to let the man breathe a little and the body had given a grunt and begun cursing.
Still, though, his mother had raised him right. It didn’t matter what color a person’s skin was-brown, black, yellow, or…green?-if he could give help it was his duty to do so. So he had grabbed the man by the armpits and had hauled him to a more or less standing position. A bottled water or two later and greenie had even been capable of lucid speech. Well, if you could consider copious swearing lucid.
“So you live here?” Gavin asked, gesturing at their surroundings. Klem gave a grunt and nodded. “That’s awesome. How do you do it?”
Klem looked up from where the teapot had begun to whistle and gave Gavin a sour look. “Fairy magic.”
“Ahh. I see.” And he did see. Sort of. Only magic could explain how a bridge could suddenly turn into a house. He’d walked beneath this very overpass daily for months and seen only pigeon poop and discarded trash. But somehow when Klem had stumbled under the shadow of the bridge, Gavin’s arm tight around his waist to keep him from stumbling, the poop and litter had disappeared. Instead Gavin had found himself in a neatly-kept home, with warm wooden floors and walls to divide the space into separate rooms. Go figure.
“So are all the bridges around here like this?” he asked curiously.
A cup of tea thumped onto the table in front of him. “No,” Klem said shortly. “Only ones with trolls.”
Gavin rolled his eyes. Not much for small talk obviously. “So you were saying something about riddles and a prize?” he asked.
Klem gave an aggrieved sigh and rubbed at his temples absently. “Look, I was drunk. Obviously. And blabbering.”
“You’re sober now,” Gavin pointed out.
“Yeah. Benefits of fairy blood. All the fun of alcohol, none of the hangover.”
“So,” Gavin said slowly. “You were saying about riddles…”
Klem cursed again under his breath, something about illegitimate donkeys. When he had finished he raised himself up to his full height and glared balefully at Gavin. “So you get a chance at three riddles. If you can answer them you get to claim a prize.”
“What? Like your hand in marriage?” Gavin joked, then regretted it when the troll just bared his teeth. “Sorry.”
“Whatever. You crossed under my bridge, you get a chance at the riddles. Are you ready?” His glare dared Gavin to be anything other than ready.
“Shoot.”
Klem grunted and tilted his head in thought. “How about this one. A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the required password. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said ‘twelve.’ The member replied ‘six’ and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said ‘six.’ The member replied ‘three’ and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said ‘ten’ and the man replied ‘five’ but he was not let in. What should have he said?”
“Three,” Gavin answered promptly.
Klem’s eyebrows rose impossibly high, accenting the knobs on his forehead. “That was fast,” he muttered.
Gavin laughed. “Same riddle was just on Car Talk. Love that show. I listen to it every Sunday morning.”
Klem gave another grunt. “Well, try this one then. What gets whiter as it gets dirtier?”
Gavin considered for a moment before responding, “Chalkboard?”
“Seriously? They’re not supposed to be this easy.” Klem looked decidedly put out, and Gavin wondered if it was a little odd that he found it cute. Really the green skin wasn’t bad. And the nose and ears added character.
“My mom’s a teacher,” Gavin explained. “I used to love to go into her classroom and draw on her board for hours while she graded papers. She uses white boards now. They’re cleaner and less dusty, but they’re also not quite as much fun.”
“Fine. Whatever. Last riddle. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?” He stood and gathered their empty teacups, cleaning them roughly in the sink. He set them in the drying rack with a bang and turned back to Gavin. “Well?” he asked with a trace of petulance. “Do you know the answer or not?”
“Don’t a get a few minutes to think?” Gavin asked, trying not to smile. Yeah, the grumpiness was definitely cute.
Klem just hurrumphed. “You came up with the other ones so quickly,” he pointed out.
“Hmm. Well, it has to do with time. Days in a row. Huh. Well, what’s another way to express time other than specific names?” His eyebrows pinched together in thought for a moment as he thought. “Ah,” he said as his face relaxed into a smile. “I’ve got it. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”
“Dammit,” Klem clenched his fists.
“What’s the big deal?” Gavin asked. “Isn’t it sort of your job?”
“You’re not supposed to get them so easily!” Klem growled. “This is really embarrassing.”
Gavin nodded in understanding. “Another fairy thing, huh?”
Klem just answered by shooting him another glare. “So what do you want as your prize?”
A slow smile spread across Gavin’s lips and he looked the troll in the eyes. “Can you spare a room for a few weeks?”
“What?” Klem squawked and began backing away. “What in the world are you talking about.”
“Well you see, I’m sort of between jobs right now. The economy and everything, you know. And I’m swiftly running low on funds. I’ve already given up driving my car-I couldn’t afford to register it this year. And I’m a month behind on rent. So I could use a place to stay for a bit.” He tried for a winning smile, and Klem’s eyes narrowed in return.
“What do you do for a living?” the troll asked, almost against his will.
“Hair dresser,” came the prompt reply. Gavin gestured to his own hair, currently purple and green for the holiday. “Sort of focusing on alternative styles if you know what I mean.”
Klem was still staring at him through narrowed eyes. “And you want to live with me?” he asked incredulously.
Gavin’s smile turned into a smirk. “Yeah. I’ve never met a real troll before.”
“Half troll,” Klem corrected absently, still considering him carefully.
“Listen,” Gavin reasoned, “It’s got to get lonely living here by yourself. And I know things like grocery shopping have to be tricky with your rather…obvious…coloring. I could help out with some of that stuff. Just for a few weeks. What do you think?”
“Well,” Klem said slowly, and was it Gavin’s imagination or was there suddenly a glimmer of interest in his eyes? “You did answer all the riddles.”
“Exactly,” Gavin reassured him.
“Fine,” Klem finally snapped. “Bring your stuff by tomorrow. But if it doesn’t work out, don’t think I won’t kick you to the curb.”
“Oh I think this could work out just fine,” Gavin murmured. And was it the lighting in here or did the troll’s skin turn a subtly darker shade of green? Yup. That was definitely a troll blush.
Once upon a time there was a wise and powerful fairy king, who had been blessed with a lovely daughter. And the princess was beautiful and clever and perhaps just a tiny bit vain. So when it came time for her to choose a husband she refused all the candidates as unworthy of her until finally the king declared that whosoever would be able to answer three riddles would earn his daughter’s hand.
So men came from far and wide to test their cleverness and try to win the hand of the fair princess, but none were able to answer even the first riddle, much less all three. Then one evening a lowly troll entered the palace and requested a try. The princess saw his ugliness and turned up her nose, but her father was a kind and honorable king. So a riddle was posed to the troll, and he was granted a day and a night to give his answer. When the time limit ran out, he approached the princess, who wrinkled her nose against his smell as he whispered his answer in her ear. And she gasped in surprise and granted that his answer was correct.
So the king asked the troll a second riddle, and he was given a day and a night in which to give his answer. When the sun had set, the troll climbed the stairs to the princess’s throne and she wrinkled her nose at his torn and dirty clothes, and he whispered his answer in her ear. Again she gasped in surprise and granted that his answer was correct, but this time her eyes turned appraising when she looked at him.
So the king asked his final riddle and the troll was once gain granted one day and one night in which to give his answer. When dusk arrived and he climbed the stairs to where the princess sat upon her throne, she did not wrinkle her nose quite as much. And when he whispered his answer into her hear she smiled softly as she gasped in surprise. She granted that his final answer was just as correct as his first had been.
So the beautiful fairy princess married her clever troll. And she slowly became a little less vain-though she never forgot just how lovely she really was-and he began to bathe and wear clean clothing a little more frequently-though he still occasionally ate with his hands and forgot to wipe his feet as he entered their home. And they lived more or less happily ever after.
Their first child was a son who was wise and honorable and kind like his grandfather. Their second child was a daughter who was lovely and clever-and perhaps a little vain-like her mother. Their third child was another son, and while he was clever, he was also a little awkward. While he was kind, he also took after his father in looks. As time passed he realized daily that he never quite fit in with his family. So he distanced himself slowly, much to their dismay, only returning home for the occasional family dinner. Instead he spent most of his time in the human world, hiding where he would not be compared to his siblings.
“That’s it?”
Klem blinked in surprise. “I’m sorry?”
Gavin sighed and shook his head. “That’s all you’ve got for me? It seems so…normal. And perhaps a little heavy on the self pity.” He raked his eyes over the man in front of him, taking in the green cast to Klem’s skin, the orange of his eyes. His nose was perhaps a little bulbous, his ears were a trifle large, but it was nothing particularly awful. “I mean, you’re not exactly typical looking, but I don’t think you’re that bad. Certainly not hideous enough for self-imposed exile.”
Klem continued to stare at him for a long moment before slowly shaking his head in disbelief. “I don’t think you understand.” He held up a hand to forestall any more comments from Gavin. “Really, you don’t. You’ve never seen a fairy, much less a fairy prince or princess. It’s a little much to live up to. But all of that is irrelevant. I’m not sure why I’m talking to you about it.” He waved Gavin over to a chair. “Sit. Don’t touch anything. I’ll make us some tea and we’ll discuss the terms.”
Gavin moved to the indicated chair, looking around the room with curiosity as Klem fiddled with a teapot. Just an hour ago he had been walking through the warehouse district, avoiding killer potholes and costumed miscreants. He had been reflecting on how there was something vaguely unnerving about watching a hoard of zombies do shots at the Irish bar when he had stumbled upon a body, sprawled in an empty parking lot. Gavin’s first thought was that the inert form was simply another idiot celebrating All Hallows’ Eve with perhaps a few too many gravediggers. Imagine his surprise when he had tried to pull the green face off to let the man breathe a little and the body had given a grunt and begun cursing.
Still, though, his mother had raised him right. It didn’t matter what color a person’s skin was-brown, black, yellow, or…green?-if he could give help it was his duty to do so. So he had grabbed the man by the armpits and had hauled him to a more or less standing position. A bottled water or two later and greenie had even been capable of lucid speech. Well, if you could consider copious swearing lucid.
“So you live here?” Gavin asked, gesturing at their surroundings. Klem gave a grunt and nodded. “That’s awesome. How do you do it?”
Klem looked up from where the teapot had begun to whistle and gave Gavin a sour look. “Fairy magic.”
“Ahh. I see.” And he did see. Sort of. Only magic could explain how a bridge could suddenly turn into a house. He’d walked beneath this very overpass daily for months and seen only pigeon poop and discarded trash. But somehow when Klem had stumbled under the shadow of the bridge, Gavin’s arm tight around his waist to keep him from stumbling, the poop and litter had disappeared. Instead Gavin had found himself in a neatly-kept home, with warm wooden floors and walls to divide the space into separate rooms. Go figure.
“So are all the bridges around here like this?” he asked curiously.
A cup of tea thumped onto the table in front of him. “No,” Klem said shortly. “Only ones with trolls.”
Gavin rolled his eyes. Not much for small talk obviously. “So you were saying something about riddles and a prize?” he asked.
Klem gave an aggrieved sigh and rubbed at his temples absently. “Look, I was drunk. Obviously. And blabbering.”
“You’re sober now,” Gavin pointed out.
“Yeah. Benefits of fairy blood. All the fun of alcohol, none of the hangover.”
“So,” Gavin said slowly. “You were saying about riddles…”
Klem cursed again under his breath, something about illegitimate donkeys. When he had finished he raised himself up to his full height and glared balefully at Gavin. “So you get a chance at three riddles. If you can answer them you get to claim a prize.”
“What? Like your hand in marriage?” Gavin joked, then regretted it when the troll just bared his teeth. “Sorry.”
“Whatever. You crossed under my bridge, you get a chance at the riddles. Are you ready?” His glare dared Gavin to be anything other than ready.
“Shoot.”
Klem grunted and tilted his head in thought. “How about this one. A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the required password. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said ‘twelve.’ The member replied ‘six’ and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said ‘six.’ The member replied ‘three’ and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said ‘ten’ and the man replied ‘five’ but he was not let in. What should have he said?”
“Three,” Gavin answered promptly.
Klem’s eyebrows rose impossibly high, accenting the knobs on his forehead. “That was fast,” he muttered.
Gavin laughed. “Same riddle was just on Car Talk. Love that show. I listen to it every Sunday morning.”
Klem gave another grunt. “Well, try this one then. What gets whiter as it gets dirtier?”
Gavin considered for a moment before responding, “Chalkboard?”
“Seriously? They’re not supposed to be this easy.” Klem looked decidedly put out, and Gavin wondered if it was a little odd that he found it cute. Really the green skin wasn’t bad. And the nose and ears added character.
“My mom’s a teacher,” Gavin explained. “I used to love to go into her classroom and draw on her board for hours while she graded papers. She uses white boards now. They’re cleaner and less dusty, but they’re also not quite as much fun.”
“Fine. Whatever. Last riddle. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?” He stood and gathered their empty teacups, cleaning them roughly in the sink. He set them in the drying rack with a bang and turned back to Gavin. “Well?” he asked with a trace of petulance. “Do you know the answer or not?”
“Don’t a get a few minutes to think?” Gavin asked, trying not to smile. Yeah, the grumpiness was definitely cute.
Klem just hurrumphed. “You came up with the other ones so quickly,” he pointed out.
“Hmm. Well, it has to do with time. Days in a row. Huh. Well, what’s another way to express time other than specific names?” His eyebrows pinched together in thought for a moment as he thought. “Ah,” he said as his face relaxed into a smile. “I’ve got it. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.”
“Dammit,” Klem clenched his fists.
“What’s the big deal?” Gavin asked. “Isn’t it sort of your job?”
“You’re not supposed to get them so easily!” Klem growled. “This is really embarrassing.”
Gavin nodded in understanding. “Another fairy thing, huh?”
Klem just answered by shooting him another glare. “So what do you want as your prize?”
A slow smile spread across Gavin’s lips and he looked the troll in the eyes. “Can you spare a room for a few weeks?”
“What?” Klem squawked and began backing away. “What in the world are you talking about.”
“Well you see, I’m sort of between jobs right now. The economy and everything, you know. And I’m swiftly running low on funds. I’ve already given up driving my car-I couldn’t afford to register it this year. And I’m a month behind on rent. So I could use a place to stay for a bit.” He tried for a winning smile, and Klem’s eyes narrowed in return.
“What do you do for a living?” the troll asked, almost against his will.
“Hair dresser,” came the prompt reply. Gavin gestured to his own hair, currently purple and green for the holiday. “Sort of focusing on alternative styles if you know what I mean.”
Klem was still staring at him through narrowed eyes. “And you want to live with me?” he asked incredulously.
Gavin’s smile turned into a smirk. “Yeah. I’ve never met a real troll before.”
“Half troll,” Klem corrected absently, still considering him carefully.
“Listen,” Gavin reasoned, “It’s got to get lonely living here by yourself. And I know things like grocery shopping have to be tricky with your rather…obvious…coloring. I could help out with some of that stuff. Just for a few weeks. What do you think?”
“Well,” Klem said slowly, and was it Gavin’s imagination or was there suddenly a glimmer of interest in his eyes? “You did answer all the riddles.”
“Exactly,” Gavin reassured him.
“Fine,” Klem finally snapped. “Bring your stuff by tomorrow. But if it doesn’t work out, don’t think I won’t kick you to the curb.”
“Oh I think this could work out just fine,” Gavin murmured. And was it the lighting in here or did the troll’s skin turn a subtly darker shade of green? Yup. That was definitely a troll blush.