Comments | summercircles: Ye Olde Watering Hole (1/3/16; WC 1418; RL 5.8) Q

summercircles

Ye Olde Watering Hole (1/3/16; WC 1418; RL 5.8) Q

Dec 19, 2001 00:16

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Ye Olde Watering Hole1

A person is only as big as the dream they dare to live.
~ by that most widely quoted of all authors, poets, and composers: Anonymous
She sits ( Read more... )

sotfw: sc

Comments 11

annieo February 10 2003, 07:59:59 UTC

When you talk about Wolf's Creek Pass, is this the one in southern Colorado on 160? I've only heard it called WOLF Creek Pass (without the 's) the times I've driven it and when I've stayed in Pagosa Springs.

Also, I am a little confused over the entrance of Paul Peter Sorenson. Was he mentioned before? If so, then no problem...just me. If not, you might want to add a short few words of introduction or between commas after you state his full name unless you are building to it.

No Previous Mention summercircles February 10 2003, 16:32:59 UTC

She has some thoughts that were to let the reader know she knew him, but didn't like him, and was angry with herself for ending up in the same place he did through carelessness.

Does it help to have him ask and her ignore it? She also does that very same thing later. i

Wolf Creek Pass summercircles December 14 2008, 03:54:16 UTC

Google agrees with you on the name of the pass on highway 160. I was going to go out to the truck for a map, but decided to see what showed up on line. Thanks for the sharp memory!

Critique Group's Comments from Where'sMeKilt summercircles January 25 2010, 11:15:58 UTC

In the first sentence, who is "She"? Where is she?

"fine figure of full-flowered manhood" describe him...

Why does she speak Spanish to the bartender?

"Paul P." who?

Last thoughts at end of the chapter are about???

Re: Critique Group's Comments from Where'sMeKilt pandemo January 25 2010, 11:46:37 UTC

As you mentioned in the discussion we had, a lot of the time your questions get answered shortly. I'm not a fan of a catalog of description of a new character when it will come out naturally not much further on. Also, as an avid science fiction reader, I'm used to odd situations that we have to collect cues to define in our minds. Did you still have any questions by the end of the chapter?

The bartender's name is pronounced by other patrons after his attention as Óscar, (OS kahr) not the typical English Oscar (AH ker), and he looks Hispanic, so, when the others use Spanish to address him, she follows suit. Ah, excuse me. It seems I deleted some of the Spanish. I'll add it again. Cerveza is beer.

New lead-in to the last paragraph of thoughts again in red for a bit...

You are the second one bothered by Paul Peter's entrance. I thought her "thoughts", added after the other reader commented, would clear it up... So I've tried again by adding "Upset, she thought, before I put them now. Does that work, now?

Re: Critique Group's Comments from Where'sMeKilt summercircles January 25 2010, 19:53:51 UTC

Now I remember why I dropped that stuff out -- the sentence just got too long and awkward. Using the delete key instead of reworking it probably was a bad choice, huh? Okay, I'll try again.

Re: Critique Group's Comments from Where'sMeKilt summercircles January 25 2010, 23:21:29 UTC

Does the red part at the top work now?

sydneydaile February 5 2010, 19:56:57 UTC

Her ex-boyfriend also happens to be at the same reservation in Arizona she went to? Bad luck... haha

This is putting my 4 years of Spanish to some use! :) I thought it was pretty funny that everyone in the bar thought she was getting drunk when she was really just trying to rehydrate.

sydneydaile February 5 2010, 21:10:28 UTC

Just another note- The story switches from past to present tense in this chapter. Is there a particular reason for this? Should I just shut up and keep reading? :D

sydneydaile February 5 2010, 22:18:17 UTC

Okay, I have to admit that I didn't catch until just now that what happened in Part I was all a dream. Now, I understand much better and feel quite silly about some of the things I've written in the beginning chapters of Part 2. So sorry! All comments from "The Vows" on will be written with that understanding.

Oh, No! pandemo February 6 2010, 00:35:24 UTC

Please don't just shut up!

The dreams are in past tense, the current events are in present. IF you figure this out on your own with continued reading, I will be eternally grateful!

(There are also places I'm finding as I proofread where I MUFF UP that distinction. PLEASE don't shut up then...)