BSG fic. "All This Land"
Title: “All This Land”
Pairing: Maggie/Karl (Racetrack/Helo)
Rated: PG
Word Count: ~7600
Timeline: Takes place between “Home, pt. 2” and just before the Cylon occupation of New Caprica.
Summary: Consider it the “Unfinished Business” of Mags and Karl.
Disclaimers: I don’t own these guys. Title inspired by the line, “All this land was once mine, but now it belongs to someone else,” from the movie “Conversation(s) With Other Women”.
Note: Special thanks, freshly-baked cookies and warm, fluffy puppies to sabaceanbabe for her infinite patience and most amazing beta abilities.
All This Land
One hand raised to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun, Maggie watched the Raptor rise into the sky. Only after it had disappeared completely into the horizon did she finally drop her pack, and then her eyes, to the ground.
She inhaled deeply, holding the breath for as long as she could stand it, then exhaled quickly, eager to fill her lungs with the fresh planet-side air again. Strands of hair slipped across her face as the breeze caught her ponytail and she scented the slightly metallic tang of the Galactica. It was wafting from her - from her hair, from her skin, from her BDUs - as old and stale and annoying as the cigarette smoke that lingered from a night spent playing triad in the rec room. After she set up camp, the first thing she’d do was head off to the lake and try to wash that smell away. Maybe, if she were lucky, the smell wouldn’t be the only thing she would wash away on this two-day pass...
It didn’t take long to pop the small tent, dig a small fire pit and suspend her pack from a high branch on a nearby tree, up and out of the reach of animals. But she kept her sidearm, her knife and her two-way (a condition of this solo pass) on her belt as she headed off in the direction of the lake, which was about a click or so away.
She moved through the trees with footfalls quieter than the rustling leaves, playing tag with the splotches of sun that dripped through the canopy overhead. Her fingers twitched and curled in on themselves, searching for the bow that had always accompanied her on her excursions into the forests of Libron. Instead of pushing the thought away, as she usually did when her old things crossed her mind, she slowed and let herself fall into stance. Raised the ghost of the bow her grandmother had given her upon her acceptance as a Maiden of Artemis, and drew the string back. Tighter and tighter she pulled, until it nearly cut into her fingers, until it would surely break... The arrow flew straight and true, burying itself inches deep into the dead tree she’d sighted.
A smile curved her lips and a shiver of pleasure shot down her spine. It was almost real. So close to real. Close enough to be dangerous if she lingered with her imagination any longer. Her smile faded as she lowered her arms and, after another moment, she started to run.
********
The Commander had sent the Chief ahead to pass the word of their (and most importantly, Sharon’s) imminent arrival; but, no one had bothered to tell him that Maggie was among the small group waiting for their return. When he stepped out of the scrub and found her staring directly at him from the hatch of a Raptor, he nearly stumbled over his own feet as his heart leapt into his throat. She’d survived. Kara had mentioned that fact when they’d been on the run on Caprica, but it hadn’t felt real until now.
Emotions flashed across her face: gratitude, relief and hope flitted between her joyous smile and suddenly shining eyes. He wanted to run to her, to pick her up and crush her tightly against his body, to spin her around and around and laugh in her arms... But the hand entwined with his, the hand connected to the arm that Maggie was now running her eyes up and along, the hand of Sharon Valerii, kept him from following that urge.
That same hand squeezed his reassuringly as Maggie’s faced paled and became expressionless seconds before she turned her back on them and moved inside.
********
“Racetrack, you awake?” Kat’s voice cut through the stillness of the sunrise over the lake.
Maggie reached over, grabbed the radio and turned it down, as if the noise were somehow an affront to this place. “If I weren’t, your big mouth would’ve done the trick.”
“Damn it, then this will only be half as fun.”
A Viper suddenly screamed through the sky, hugging the treetops, and shot across the lake, leaving a wake as it crossed the water. Maggie ducked involuntarily and cursed under her breath as it passed overhead, close enough for her to feel some residual heat from its thrusters. Kat circled around, waved once, then shot her Viper straight up and away, leaving the rolling echoes of a sonic boom behind her.
“Frak, Kat, any closer and I’d be deaf.”
“Didn’t want you to get too used to all that peace and quiet,” Kat replied, her voice a few shades less sarcastic than normal.
Maggie let out a barely audible sigh. “I’ll be fine.”
“I know. By the way, Narcho says hi. He’s too much of a pussy to break formation and come tell you himself.”
Maggie grinned up towards the heavens. “The CAG would have his ass for that.”
“You’re godsdamned right she would.”
“Thanks, Lou.”
“You’re welcome. Racetrack/Kat, out.”
********
The first few weeks back in the Fleet had been nearly enough to make him wish he and Sharon had never left Caprica. He’d expected the cold shoulder from the crew, but, somehow, expectation didn’t make it sting any less. What he hadn’t expected was for Maggie to ignore him, and on the few occasions she’d been forced to acknowledge his presence, to treat him like a total stranger. Like she’d never joked with him, like they hadn’t been friends, like they hadn’t been on-again-off-again lovers for the past three years. Her attitude and actions had not only stung, they’d cut him to the quick.
Maybe that was why he’d hesitated when she’d offered her hand to him. He, of all people, knew how much it took to get past her guarded, prickly demeanor. And from watching that documentary Biers had done, it looked as if she had closed in on herself even more. So, he had left her hanging for awkward seconds, maybe to make her feel as snubbed as she had made him feel. Or perhaps to save them both from opening chinks in their newly made armor.
But when he saw the brief flash of hurt in her eyes cool quickly to indifference, he’d finally reached out. He’d lost too much, they had all lost too much, to throw her - and all of the wonderful and awful things she’d brought to his life - away. Their hands met and, as it had always been, he felt a small frisson of electricity pass between them as skin slid over skin.
Helo was winning Maggie over, slowly but surely, when they came across the Pegasus. He’d felt comfortable enough to accompany Starbuck and Apollo and Racetrack over to the hangar to greet their new comrades, but not comfortable enough to stride right up and mingle. He preferred to watch for a bit, size these new people up, because those weeks on Caprica and months loving Sharon had taught him to always be on his guard.
He watched Maggie talking to the good-looking pilot with the scorecard on his bird - Macho? Nacho? - with a smile on her face and a bit of interest in her eyes. Karl clenched his jaw slightly and crossed his arms across his chest, feeling the fabric of his jacket strain against his biceps. The irrational thought that he could take this guy popped unbidden into his head, and he was struggling to push it away when Kara, Gods bless her, went right for the jugular and popped a battlestar-sized hole in the guy’s ego.
When consternation bloomed on Maggie’s face, as if she wasn’t sure she liked Starbuck’s little dig, he joined in the laughter. Loudly. Too loudly, perhaps. Anything to draw Maggie’s attention away from the arrogant Viper jock, whom he could already tell wasn’t worthy of her time.
It worked - she’d looked at him and her bemusement had bubbled into laughter.
********
Maggie threw down the armful of wood she’d collected for tonight’s fire and headed over to her pack. As she rooted around and pulled out one of the pseudo-MREs she’d brought along, her mind turned back to her bow. With the blessing of Artemis, she’d kept herself fed for days when she’d wandered out in the wilderness before the end of the worlds. If she’d had more time, she would have reviewed the biologists’ reports and tried to make a go of foraging for her dinner, but her need to be away from everyone had superseded even the joy of fending entirely for herself.
She shook her head, walked over to the coals and tossed the MRE in to cook. Sat down in the grass and trailed her fingers through the cool blades. On a whim, she crushed a few of them and inhaled the scent, stocking up on sense memories to help fill the cool metal days and months between passes on the Galactica. She’d been grateful when the Admiral had offered these two-day passes to those who had chosen to stay with the fleet, allowing them to get some R&R before the last wave mustered out.
She was even more grateful to Kat, who’d swapped passes with her so she could get off the Galactica as quickly as possible. While she might not have known everything, Lou understood Maggie’s need to get out, get away from everyone, to be alone for a little while.
Alone. There was nothing so precious as alone, these days.
The snap of a twig from off to her right shot Maggie straight to her feet, gun drawn. She tilted her head and listened while she eyed the direction of the sound. “Who’s there?”
A movement, someone sidestepping out from behind a tree, and she trained her gun toward it. She didn’t lower her weapon when she saw who it was.
“You have enough for two?” Helo asked.
********
“You have enough for two?” Maggie asked him, when she came upon him in the observation lounge.
He was three sheets (and two bottles) to the wind. In a relatively calm phase between fits of anger and tears over his dead child and his currently unreachable - in more ways than one - Sharon, he raised his bottle and waved her over with it. “You going to keep me company?” His words were only a little slurred, and he was stupidly proud of that as she sat down next to him.
She reached out and grabbed the bottle, took a long swallow from it before handing it back. “I’m sorry, Karl.”
The bottle slipped numbly from his fingers and dropped to the floor, now forgotten, as he reached out for her. She held him as he railed against the universe and all its inhabitants and covered her in tears like rain. Rubbed soothing circles over his back as all the vitriol flowed out of him. Held his gaze when he looked at her, not turning away uncomfortably as everyone else, even Kara, had done.
Somehow, she showed up each and every time he broke down. In her pajamas, in her uniform, in her flightsuit, she anchored him, comforted him, took in every harsh word without protest. Each and every time, until the time when he shifted his head and caught her lips in a sloppy, exhausted kiss. For a moment, she responded, opening her mouth and allowing him to taste her, before gently pushing him back.
“You’re in love with her,” she said quietly, the first to look away.
“I love you, too,” he stated, just as quietly.
Her shoulders sagged and she smiled sadly, slowly shaking her head. “It’d be easier if that weren’t the truth. Or a little more of it.”
He stared at her until she touched his shoulder. “Lie down, you’re exhausted,” she ordered and guided his head toward her lap.
She stared out at the fleet and ran her fingers through his hair until he fell asleep.
********
“I came here to be alone,” she snapped at him, not bothering to hide the irritation in her voice or in her actions as she flipped the safety on her gun and shoved it forcefully into its holster.
“You don’t need to be alone, you need a friend,” he replied and took a step towards her.
“Frak off.”
“I’m not leaving.” He took another step forward.
“Then I am,” she spit out from behind gritted teeth and began to run.
She barreled through the trees, not caring about stealth or flowing with nature, only wanting to put distance between her and the man who was chasing her. The one man left in the universe she wanted, but would never be able to have. The reason she came down here alone, to put herself back together, to repair the cracks in her cool demeanor. Because she didn’t want anyone to see her like this.
“Maggie,” she heard him yell from behind, a little closer than she would have liked. She should have had the advantage. She’d spent years and years running through the woods, she was smaller, more agile, quicker over short distances. But where she avoided and jumped, the man behind her crashed through like a tank. She wondered briefly what she might have done to upset her patron goddess, why she was suddenly cursed like Actaeon to be chased through the forest by her loyal companion. Tried to calculate how long it would take him to tear her to pieces after he got his hands on her.
“Maggie!” Karl shouted and she felt his fingers graze her shoulder. She veered to the right, and nearly crashed into a low-hanging branch. When she slowed to avoid it, his arm wrapped around her stomach and he yanked her back against his chest. His other arm clamped around both of hers like a steel band, trapping her in place.
They breathed heavily together for a moment, their breaths synchronizing unintentionally. “I picked up some running experience on Caprica.”
“Too bad it wasn’t the only thing you picked up,” she hissed back, instantly regretting her words. Lords, couldn’t he have left her alone until she had this under control?
“If I let you go, will you stay put?”
“No,” she panted and struggled against him.
“Then I’ll drag you all the way back to camp.” He turned them, took a few steps, then stopped and looked around.
“Let me guess, you don’t know which way it is...”
He looked around a little bit more, turned his face up to the fading sun and started off in a new, and still incorrect, direction.
And stopped again. She craned her head up and to the side, fixing him with a look of disdain as he clenched his jaw and gave a frustrated sigh. “A little help, here?”
And Maggie, despite herself, began to laugh. After a second, Karl joined in, and all of the tension of the past ten minutes drained away.
“You can let me go now,” she said when she regained her breath.
“I don’t know if I can.”
********
He’d left Sharon in her cell with hardly a word or a look back, stung by her little “stick it to the man” gesture with Cavil during the mission. He loved her, but sometimes she infuriated him beyond belief. Not sure where he was heading, he strode through the corridors of the ship, people silently parting before him.
He turned a corner and a sudden surge of relief washed over him when Maggie popped into view. He hadn’t forgotten about how her bird had disappeared after the first jump; it’d been a nagging worry in the back of his mind while he dealt with Sharon’s skittishness and had resurfaced from time to time during the firefight with the Cylons on Caprica...
His pace didn’t slow as he walked to her. There was no hesitation when he swooped her up into his arms and held her tight, just like he’d wanted to do back on Kobol in that first instant.
“Put me the frak down. Everyone’s staring,” she hissed into his ear.
He spun her around once. “I don’t care.”
********
They had eaten in relative silence. A few words here about how quiet it was, a couple of phrases there about how quickly the sun set on this new planet. Safe and bland.
Karl pulled a bottle of the Chief’s swill out of his bag. “A little taste of home,” he grinned and poured some into her cup.
“When do you have to be at the LZ?”
“Oh six-thirty.”
Maggie hid her surprise by looking at her chronometer. Eight hours. Here. Alone. Together. She was irritated that he was intruding upon her, and yet... it was eight hours. Here. Alone. Together. Her stomach tightened and a flush spread across her skin. How many nights, behind closed curtains and curled under blankets, had she given in and imagined something like this?
And how many nights had she been strong enough to resist the maddening way her thoughts still strayed toward him? More nights than not lately, but still not enough that her conscious was entirely clear...
“So, did you think you would just frak me and go home, then?” she asked, but there was no malice in her voice.
He took a long swallow out of his own cup and looked at the trees, the stars, the fire - anywhere but her. In the middle of nowhere, in nature untouched by artificiality, it all came down to basic responses. No walls or buildings or noises or facades that humans always seemed to hide behind... Here, in the middle of nowhere, his unwillingness to look at her was all the answer she needed.
“That’s not why...” His voice trailed off as he finally met her eyes again. The firelight cast subtly flickering shadows across his face and hid the exact moment his protest became surrender. “It’s not in the way you think.”
She sat back from the flames, to hide her own face from his suddenly scrutinizing gaze. “Then tell me the way it is, before I kick your ass for being so presumptuous.”
He smiled a little at that, then looked at her earnestly. “Mags, we never ended. Never had closure. I see how it’s tearing you up inside, even though you put on that brave face to show the world that we never meant anything to each other. That we’re nothing more than friends.” There was an edge to his voice. Not anger, not desperation, but an intensity laced with... regret?
“Which we aren’t,” Maggie cut in, a bit defensive of his focus on her. Even though what he was saying was true, these feelings weren’t just the wishful thinking of the unrequited. “Since you came back, I haven’t done a single thing to imply otherwise.”
He planted his hands on the ground and leaned forward, eyes searching out hers. “No, you haven’t. But that’s not all we ever were.” He breathed out a sigh of frustration and shifted closer to where she sat. “I feel it, Mags. Every time I look at you, I feel it. Little loose ends, fraying pieces of the past...”
She understood exactly what he was saying: fraying pieces, little loose ends that constricted around her heart more times than she’d ever admit, even to herself. Twinges of longing and what ifs and flashes of regret that had to be hidden, brushed back into the little dark places where she put all of the weak and messy parts of herself. To be bricked over, so she could continue with her life - or what passed for it - these days.
Lieutenant Margaret “Racetrack” Edmondson didn’t need anyone but herself. A good frak every now and then, a working Raptor, and a target to lock onto - those were the only things she needed. Maggie Edmondson missed things, wanted what she couldn’t have, dreamed about the past, and, even for all her strength, would never have survived these past months. And because of that weakness, that messiness, Maggie had been all but sealed away when Karl Agathon returned to the fleet with his Cylon lover.
And had somehow made it impossible for Lt. Margaret “Racetrack” Edmondson to place the final brick in the wall.
********
He’d searched for nearly two weeks to find her gift, making quiet inquiries to certain people who had connections aboard other ships, even going so far as to ask Kara to work the settlement angle for him. In the end, he’d worked an extra shift or two, made a few trades to put the right things in the right hands and got something, while not perfect, a little special for her birthday. He placed the box on the seat of her Raptor and wondered how she was feeling this morning.
Yesterday, he had swung by the impromptu party in the rec room. Had a few drinks, presented Maggie with a chocolate bar - stale and broken, but still, real chocolate - as a gift from both him and Sharon. She’d been pleasantly drunk, cracking jokes with Kat, flirting outrageously with Narcho, ragging on Skulls mercilessly. He couldn’t help but smile as his gaze followed her around the room.
“What’s so funny?” she’d asked when she walked over to join him.
“It’s good to see you happy.” He’d reached out and pulled her in for a hug; he wanted to hold her, hold a little of her happiness, maybe even take a little bit for himself. He’d buried his nose in her hair and breathed her in before whispering into her ear, “I’ve got to get going for my shift in CIC. Enjoy the rest of your birthday.”
She’d pulled away slightly - not out of his arms, just enough so she could look at him. “Tell Sharon I said thank you for the chocolate.”
“And what about me?”
“Like you had anything to do with it. Boys never give good gifts,” she’d replied with a wicked smirk.
He’d laughed and bent down to place a kiss on her cheek. At the last second, she’d turned her head and his lips brushed against hers. Not long enough to draw attention, just enough to have him fighting the urge to lick his lips and capture the taste of her that he was certain lingered there.
He’d felt her eyes on him all the way out the door.
His eyes were on her now, as he leaned against Siren’s Viper with his arms folded across his chest, watching her step up into her bird as she prepared to start flight check. Followed her as she moved to the pilot’s seat and paused. He had a clear view through the front window as she leaned over and picked up the box he’d addressed to her. She shook it gently a few times before she sat down to open it, a small smile curving her lips.
He couldn’t see her hands, but he knew when she’d gotten it open by the way she froze momentarily, her head bowed over her lap. Her shoulders hitched slightly a few times, whether she was fighting laughter or tears, he couldn’t tell...
And then she looked up. Directly at him. He couldn’t help but to move closer, drawn in by the slightly melancholy smile on her face. She pressed her hand against the glass and mouthed the words “thank you” to him. His heart did a little flip and he reached up to mirror her hand with his. They looked at each other for a second, nothing more, before he dropped his hand and headed out of the bay.
********
He was closer, now. Close enough to touch. Maggie dug her short nails into her palms and squeezed tight, using that little bit of pain to keep her head clear, to keep her from reaching out. She needed to put some distance between them. “You remember that picture I took of you on that weekend pass to Aerilon?” she asked.
“Out on the beach?”
She nodded. “I put it up in the memorial hall the day after you came back. Buried it under other pictures, so no one would know it was there.”
He stiffened slightly, but didn’t say anything.
“It was easier for me to think of you as dead.” A chuff of air passed her lips, a twisted mixture of regret and amused disdain. “It’s still up there, Karl. Still. I go and visit it from time to time, whenever I need to remind myself that whatever it was we were, it’s over.” She didn’t like how weak that made her seem, so she steeled herself and added coolly, “Maybe you should do the same.”
Karl growled and lunged, throwing Maggie back to the grass, his face hovering over hers. “Don’t say that. I am not dead. You are not dead. We are not dead.”
She could feel his breath on her face and shut her eyes to the myriad of conflicting emotions in his. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I miss you? That there are times when I look at you and it hurts so badly that I can’t breathe? That sometimes I’m ready to take that picture down, and then you do something...”
He cut her off with a kiss, his full weight slowly coming to rest upon her as angry tension seeped from his arms. He dragged his lips to the side of her mouth and murmured, “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough to let you go,” before he rolled off to lay next to her in the grass. “I’m sorry for being so selfish, Mags, but I need you in my life. I need your friendship, your strength, your sarcastic quips, your beautiful smile. You keep me grounded.” There was a long pause before he reached for her hand and added quietly, “You keep me human.”
She bit her lip and gave a soft sigh. “And you keep me Maggie,” she whispered as she stared up at the stars and twined her fingers with his.
********
He was still stewing over that conversation he’d overheard this morning in the ready room before briefing. Two pilots, complaining about Kat as CAG, had quickly shifted from derisiveness of her fleet tenure to ticking off names of people whom they’d thought would do a better job. He’d listened with amusement at the reasons they were giving for and against each pilot and mentally added his own comments to their list.
Until they mentioned him. And had concluded that it would be impossible to trust a man who was sleeping with the enemy to lead them into battle.
Helo didn’t know what bothered him more: the fact that they still considered Sharon the enemy after everything she’d done for the Fleet, or that, even after all this time, he could still be affected by the comments and attitudes of the others. But the worst of it all was the small voice in his head that told him they were probably dead to rights with their reasoning as to why he, one of the few remaining senior officers, hadn’t been chosen for the position.
“Galactica/Racetrack.”
He almost jumped when he heard her voice through both his earpiece and from across the short span of distance between the pilot and ECO chairs. There hadn’t been a lot of chatter during their CAP rotation, and Maggie had pretty much left him alone after he’d brushed off her initial inquires as to how he was doing.
“Go ahead, Racetrack.”
“Request permission to delay return. My bird is feeling a bit unresponsive and I’d like to see if I can shake it out a bit.”
He looked up at her. He hadn’t felt anything out of the ordinary... She craned her head back and gave him a wink as she put her finger to her helmet in the universal “shhh” signal.
A few seconds passed. Colonel Tigh was probably calculating odds and fuel burn and assessing risk. The Colonel might be a drunk and a world-class bastard, but when he was off the sauce he was probably one of the best strategy and tactics people Helo’d ever worked with. Plus, Tigh and Maggie seemed to have some kind of weird rapport. It was - and he’d never admit it to it out loud - almost friendly...
“Racetrack/Galactica. XO grants permission for a fifteen minute shakedown run.”
“Understood, Galactica. Racetrack out.” Maggie toggled off the ship to ship and let out a small whoop of victory. “You strapped in back there?”
“Yeah...”
The Raptor banked sharply to the left and away from the Galactica, nearly throwing him from his chair. “What the frak are you doing?”
She laughed as she guided the Raptor through a barrel roll. “Trying to get you to stop being such a morose motherfrakker.” When they righted themselves, the Scylla was looming in the near distance, the last ship between them and open space. Maggie pushed the throttle and the Scylla quickly grew, until it became the only thing he could see through the front view. He clenched his fingers around the arms of his chair as she threw them into a steep dive to narrowly avoid a collision.
“Well, death would certainly accomplish that,” he snarked at her.
“Oh, does my flying scare you?” she asked in an overly innocent tone. One that had him picturing her grinning wildly, bouncing slightly in her seat and repeating the words “please say yes” over and over again.
He fought the smile that twitched at the corners of his mouth. “About as much as that toy poodle that kept yipping at us in Ithaca,” he replied in a bored tone.
“You’ve never met an angry poodle, apparently.”
“I shudder to think of the carnage one angry poodle could leave in its wake.”
“My friend Tristan almost lost his hand to one.”
Helo rolled his eyes. Might as well play along and see how far she’d take it. “Meaning, he had to get a stitch and a tetanus shot?”
“Tristan taunted Scone, the archery master’s pet, one too many times. We had to carry his hand to the hospital in a bucket of ice so the doctor could reattach it.” She paused and lowered her voice for effect. “You know, I still have nightmares of that day. Those beady little eyes, those pointed little teeth. Oh Gods, Karl... the blood, the horror, the humanity...”
He didn’t want to, he tried very hard not to, but he couldn’t help but laugh. And then it just fed on itself when she started laughing at him, until he was nearly gasping for breath. When he’d finally collected himself, she looked over her shoulder and flashed him a smile brilliant enough to melt away all of his remaining frustration.
“Galactica/Racetrack. Raptor 312 requesting permission to land. Everything seems to be okay, after all.”
********
The stars moved slowly across the sky, and once she thought she caught the flashburn of a Viper thruster in the distance. The breeze picked up and she shivered slightly, the coolness here was so different than the deep cold of space... She’d have to put more wood on the fire, soon. But not just yet. Getting up meant breaking this silent impasse they’d come to - she could feel him holding back, waiting for her to make some kind of move. He’d come this far, but she would have to take the last step. And if she just lay here, still and silent, maybe she could make it through the night. Ignore what was looming over their heads and...
And continue feeling like she’d felt all these long months since he came back. Her feelings hadn’t gone away, as much as she’d wanted them to, they just hid themselves a bit deeper and felt more overwhelming in the times when they surfaced. He was right. Something needed to be done. For him as much as her, to allow them a definitive end and to start over again as something new.
“So, how was this supposed to go, this closure thing?”
He turned his head and gave her a small grin. “Honestly? I figured I’d be huddled at the LZ, nursing a gunshot wound.”
She glanced over at him and smirked. “Well, the night’s still young...”
He laughed and rolled over onto his side, propping his head on his hand. He stared down at her, the smile gradually fading from his face. “Sometimes, I wish things were different.”
She struggled to keep from wincing. The impossible possibilities of the words hurt, but what hurt more was the implicit “but, most times I don’t,” that followed them. But this was what tonight was all about, wasn’t it? Getting the messiness out in the open in hopes the wounds would heal cleanly. “Don’t tempt the Gods like that. You and I both know that they love to give us everything we want, but in the worst possible way.”
His face moved into view, blocking out the sky. “Is that what you really think?”
“You’re here, aren’t you?” she replied with a bittersweet smile and traced his jaw with the back of her hand. He opened his mouth and shut it again, then ghosted a finger over a strand of her hair. Looked at her helplessly, but didn’t look away. She pushed herself up off the ground and threw another log on the fire before turning and offering a hand to him. “Clock’s ticking, Agathon.”
His fingers closed over hers and he pulled her into him as he stood up. “We’ve got time,” he murmured into her hair, extending her hand away from their bodies and wrapping his free arm around the small of her back. “Dance with me.” The words startled her, but she went with them anyway.
They turned in small circles on the grass and in larger ones around the fire, keeping perfect time to some imaginary song. Maggie could almost recognize it: its rhythm translated into the soft swishes of their brushing thighs, its melody following the sinuous ebb and flow of the delicate patterns he traced along her lower back.
He rested his head atop hers and warm breath spilled over her ear. She tilted her head slightly, straining to hear what he was saying. Suddenly, the imaginary became real. He was humming, his voice barely audible, like a song carried over a long distance by the wind. She pressed her head to his chest, listening and feeling the vibrations of his low, sonorous baritone. Filed them away in the part of her heart that would always belong to him, to take out and remember and be glad...
She opened her palm and pressed it against his, and their hands twisted and twined, moving in a dance all their own. He tried to capture her fingers and she playfully avoided his attempts, slipping and sliding from his grasp, until he raked his nails down her palm. A shudder ran through her and she capitulated, closing her hand over his.
He pushed her away and gave her a little twirl. Pulled her firmly back to him and somehow trapped both arms behind her.
She tilted her head and smirked at him. “Smooth move, there.”
“You inspire me,” he replied and gave her a wink.
What little space there’d been between them before was now gone. This new position caused her to arch slightly into him and added a delicious friction between their hips as they continued to sway to the now-forgotten song. He rested his forehead against hers, staring into her eyes as he laced their fingers and pressed their hands into her lower back, bringing her closer still.
Maggie lifted her chin and kissed the tip of his nose. He groaned softly and turned his head, nuzzling her cheek for a long moment before he placed a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. She worked a hand free and ran her fingers along his arm, discovering the beat of his heart at the wrist, absorbing the strength she found in his bicep, curling protectively over the hollow of his throat.
She turned her head away and whispered, “All this land was once mine...”
He caught her chin in his hand and gently brought her attention back to him. Stared at her with unfathomable eyes as he stroked his thumb softly across her cheek.
The kiss began sweetly, a moment to be stolen and savored and forgotten again. Almost hesitant, almost innocent, the calm before the storm. All those beautiful and fleeting things that could never ever last, that disappeared through her fingers the more she tried to hold onto them. It deepened slowly, like a daydream melting away, finally becoming real when his hand slid into her hair and brought her closer, until soft flesh nearly bruised between hard teeth.
She traced his bottom lip with her tongue, daring him to open to her, moaning softly when he did. He tasted of salt and the sea, and bittersweet like the inexorable turning of autumn to winter. She wondered what she tasted like to him, what he’d choose to remember and what he’d choose to forget...
She extracted herself from his arms and stepped away, hoping she tasted like good-bye as she led him silently to her tent.
********
He found her in the memorial corridor, standing quietly, entranced by a candle’s flame. Watched her for a moment and then walked over and laid a hand on her shoulder.
She’d jumped slightly, but didn’t look at him.
“No one comes here much anymore. Everyone’s gotten comfortable, gotten used to forgetting and moving on. So, I stop by from time to time and light a candle. To make sure they know they aren’t forgotten.” She turned a 360, as if trying to memorize every face and name pinned to these walls. When she'd finally returned to where she'd started, she added, “And to remind myself...”
“Remind yourself of what?”
She gave him a sideways glance. “To always be on guard. This isn’t going to last, you know. They’re going to find us eventually and if everyone’s forgotten, it’s all going to happen again.”
There was something in the tone of her voice, something in the way she was holding herself... He reached for her but she avoided his arms.
“Someone has to remember, Karl,” she said quietly.
He stared at the candle and listened to her footsteps as she walked away.
********
She woke up alone and panicked, when the alarm on her watch went off. Less than an hour left... She threw on her fatigues and a t-shirt and left the tent.
He was sitting by the remains of the fire, poking at the embers with a long stick. “I was going to wake you, Mags.”
She sat down. “Did you bring coffee?” she asked, nodding her head toward the cup in his hand.
His lips quirked up in a smile. “I figured it might come in handy as a peace offering.”
“If it’s from Galactica’s galley, it’d be more of a declaration of war.”
“Nope, 100% Virgon roast,” he replied and leaned forward to hand her the cup.
Their fingers brushed and her skin tingled at the contact, faint aftershocks of the last few hours rippling through her. She wondered if he felt them, too, or if his body had already forgotten... She cast a glance in his direction as she took a swallow of the hot, but not scalding, coffee.
“Can I ask you a favor?”
“Anything.”
“When we get back home, could you not call me Mags anymore?”
His eyes squeezed shut and the muscle in his jaw twitched once, twice... “Is Maggie okay?”
“We’ll try it out and see,” she replied, but hoped that he wouldn’t try it too soon.
They drank their coffee in silence. After they finished, he stood up and picked up the small pack he’d brought with him. “I’d better get going.”
She nodded her head and stood up, too. “You probably should.”
“Mags...” he paused, clearly struggling to find the right words. After a couple of false starts, he seemed to give up entirely.
“You’re still my friend, Karl. Give me a little time and a little space, but not too much, okay?”
He smiled and opened his arms. She went into them willingly, letting him wrap her up tight. The smile slipped from her face as she buried it in his chest. She inhaled deeply, holding the breath for as long as she could stand it and exhaled quickly, in order to fill her lungs with his scent again. When his arms finally began to loosen, she grabbed hold of his face and pulled him down for one long last kiss.
“Goodbye, Karl,” she murmured as she stepped away.
He stared at her for a moment and she watched as the faint traces of longing and regret in his eyes slowly changed into acceptance. He nodded his head and gave her a small, lopsided smile. “Goodbye, Mags.”
Somehow, she managed to put the familiar smirk on her face. “Now go, before you miss your ride. And make sure you tell Helo he owes Racetrack a shift for interrupting her pass.”
“I’ll be sure to pass the word.”
“You do that,” she said, then turned and started toward the lake, never looking back.
********
He stood over her, spotting her as she bench pressed her last set. Counted repetitions for her, watched as a bead of sweat slid over her skin and pooled between her breasts. She cleared her throat and he raised his eyes with a half-hearted smirk. “One of the perks of being a spotter,” he shrugged.
She rolled her eyes and set the bar into its cradle. “Hand me my towel, would you?”
He reached down and picked up both her towel and her water bottle, handing them to her as he straddled the bench and sat down, facing her. Stared at her while she drank. Wondered how he was going to do this. Tried to imagine how she would react.
“What’s wrong?”
It was late, since Maggie had the graveyard CAP tonight and she liked to work out before starting her day, but there were still a few others in the room. He glanced around a bit and decided that no one was close enough to hear. He could drag her somewhere more private, but that would probably create more attention than the two of them chatting here.
“Nothing’s wrong. I just need to talk to you for a bit.”
Wariness mixed with the concern in her eyes as she capped her bottle. “Shoot.”
He took a deep breath, then another. He was torn. This was good news, he was happy, but... a little part of him ached as he locked gazes with her.
“I’ve been talking with the Admiral: next week, after Colonel Tigh heads planetside, I’m going to ask Sharon to marry me.”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise and her mouth dropped into a little “O.” A flash of pain in her eyes reverberated in his heart. She immediately turned her head away and brought the towel up to her face, hiding her reaction as she wiped away the sweat of the last hour.
His hand reached out before he could stop it, resting on her knee when he heard her shaky inhalation. “I wanted you to know first. I wanted you to hear it from me.”
When she turned around and faced him again, there was a bright smile on her face and a slightly paler version of it in her eyes. “Congratulations, Karl. You deserve to be happy.” Her words were genuine and he released the breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.
“You deserve to be happy, too, Mags,” he said quietly. Her smile slipped for an instant, but she recovered it so quickly he could easily play it off as imagination.
She reached out and hugged him. “Have a good life together,” she whispered in his ear before she stood up and walked toward the hatch.
Her words sounded so final. They sounded like good-bye. He’d never thought he could hate a genuine wish for his and Sharon’s happiness, but yet, somehow, at this moment, the price it carried seemed more than he was willing to pay.
“Mags, wait,” he called out and she slowed to a stop. One hand on the hatchway, her back still to him, tension radiating from her body. He was once again aware of the other people in the room, and silently cursed their presence as everything he wanted to say to her became lost under the weight of their suddenly piqued curiosity and not-quite obvious stares.
“Are we still on for Thursday?” he called out, trying to keep his voice casual.
She turned her head toward him, but didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m not sure. Kat mentioned something about swapping passes. I’ll let you know,” she replied carefully and walked away.
Karl watched Maggie recede into the corridors of the Galactica, one hand clutched tightly around the towel she’d left behind. Only after she had disappeared completely into the horizon did he finally drop the towel, and then his eyes, to the floor.
Pairing: Maggie/Karl (Racetrack/Helo)
Rated: PG
Word Count: ~7600
Timeline: Takes place between “Home, pt. 2” and just before the Cylon occupation of New Caprica.
Summary: Consider it the “Unfinished Business” of Mags and Karl.
Disclaimers: I don’t own these guys. Title inspired by the line, “All this land was once mine, but now it belongs to someone else,” from the movie “Conversation(s) With Other Women”.
Note: Special thanks, freshly-baked cookies and warm, fluffy puppies to sabaceanbabe for her infinite patience and most amazing beta abilities.
All This Land
One hand raised to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun, Maggie watched the Raptor rise into the sky. Only after it had disappeared completely into the horizon did she finally drop her pack, and then her eyes, to the ground.
She inhaled deeply, holding the breath for as long as she could stand it, then exhaled quickly, eager to fill her lungs with the fresh planet-side air again. Strands of hair slipped across her face as the breeze caught her ponytail and she scented the slightly metallic tang of the Galactica. It was wafting from her - from her hair, from her skin, from her BDUs - as old and stale and annoying as the cigarette smoke that lingered from a night spent playing triad in the rec room. After she set up camp, the first thing she’d do was head off to the lake and try to wash that smell away. Maybe, if she were lucky, the smell wouldn’t be the only thing she would wash away on this two-day pass...
It didn’t take long to pop the small tent, dig a small fire pit and suspend her pack from a high branch on a nearby tree, up and out of the reach of animals. But she kept her sidearm, her knife and her two-way (a condition of this solo pass) on her belt as she headed off in the direction of the lake, which was about a click or so away.
She moved through the trees with footfalls quieter than the rustling leaves, playing tag with the splotches of sun that dripped through the canopy overhead. Her fingers twitched and curled in on themselves, searching for the bow that had always accompanied her on her excursions into the forests of Libron. Instead of pushing the thought away, as she usually did when her old things crossed her mind, she slowed and let herself fall into stance. Raised the ghost of the bow her grandmother had given her upon her acceptance as a Maiden of Artemis, and drew the string back. Tighter and tighter she pulled, until it nearly cut into her fingers, until it would surely break... The arrow flew straight and true, burying itself inches deep into the dead tree she’d sighted.
A smile curved her lips and a shiver of pleasure shot down her spine. It was almost real. So close to real. Close enough to be dangerous if she lingered with her imagination any longer. Her smile faded as she lowered her arms and, after another moment, she started to run.
********
The Commander had sent the Chief ahead to pass the word of their (and most importantly, Sharon’s) imminent arrival; but, no one had bothered to tell him that Maggie was among the small group waiting for their return. When he stepped out of the scrub and found her staring directly at him from the hatch of a Raptor, he nearly stumbled over his own feet as his heart leapt into his throat. She’d survived. Kara had mentioned that fact when they’d been on the run on Caprica, but it hadn’t felt real until now.
Emotions flashed across her face: gratitude, relief and hope flitted between her joyous smile and suddenly shining eyes. He wanted to run to her, to pick her up and crush her tightly against his body, to spin her around and around and laugh in her arms... But the hand entwined with his, the hand connected to the arm that Maggie was now running her eyes up and along, the hand of Sharon Valerii, kept him from following that urge.
That same hand squeezed his reassuringly as Maggie’s faced paled and became expressionless seconds before she turned her back on them and moved inside.
********
“Racetrack, you awake?” Kat’s voice cut through the stillness of the sunrise over the lake.
Maggie reached over, grabbed the radio and turned it down, as if the noise were somehow an affront to this place. “If I weren’t, your big mouth would’ve done the trick.”
“Damn it, then this will only be half as fun.”
A Viper suddenly screamed through the sky, hugging the treetops, and shot across the lake, leaving a wake as it crossed the water. Maggie ducked involuntarily and cursed under her breath as it passed overhead, close enough for her to feel some residual heat from its thrusters. Kat circled around, waved once, then shot her Viper straight up and away, leaving the rolling echoes of a sonic boom behind her.
“Frak, Kat, any closer and I’d be deaf.”
“Didn’t want you to get too used to all that peace and quiet,” Kat replied, her voice a few shades less sarcastic than normal.
Maggie let out a barely audible sigh. “I’ll be fine.”
“I know. By the way, Narcho says hi. He’s too much of a pussy to break formation and come tell you himself.”
Maggie grinned up towards the heavens. “The CAG would have his ass for that.”
“You’re godsdamned right she would.”
“Thanks, Lou.”
“You’re welcome. Racetrack/Kat, out.”
********
The first few weeks back in the Fleet had been nearly enough to make him wish he and Sharon had never left Caprica. He’d expected the cold shoulder from the crew, but, somehow, expectation didn’t make it sting any less. What he hadn’t expected was for Maggie to ignore him, and on the few occasions she’d been forced to acknowledge his presence, to treat him like a total stranger. Like she’d never joked with him, like they hadn’t been friends, like they hadn’t been on-again-off-again lovers for the past three years. Her attitude and actions had not only stung, they’d cut him to the quick.
Maybe that was why he’d hesitated when she’d offered her hand to him. He, of all people, knew how much it took to get past her guarded, prickly demeanor. And from watching that documentary Biers had done, it looked as if she had closed in on herself even more. So, he had left her hanging for awkward seconds, maybe to make her feel as snubbed as she had made him feel. Or perhaps to save them both from opening chinks in their newly made armor.
But when he saw the brief flash of hurt in her eyes cool quickly to indifference, he’d finally reached out. He’d lost too much, they had all lost too much, to throw her - and all of the wonderful and awful things she’d brought to his life - away. Their hands met and, as it had always been, he felt a small frisson of electricity pass between them as skin slid over skin.
Helo was winning Maggie over, slowly but surely, when they came across the Pegasus. He’d felt comfortable enough to accompany Starbuck and Apollo and Racetrack over to the hangar to greet their new comrades, but not comfortable enough to stride right up and mingle. He preferred to watch for a bit, size these new people up, because those weeks on Caprica and months loving Sharon had taught him to always be on his guard.
He watched Maggie talking to the good-looking pilot with the scorecard on his bird - Macho? Nacho? - with a smile on her face and a bit of interest in her eyes. Karl clenched his jaw slightly and crossed his arms across his chest, feeling the fabric of his jacket strain against his biceps. The irrational thought that he could take this guy popped unbidden into his head, and he was struggling to push it away when Kara, Gods bless her, went right for the jugular and popped a battlestar-sized hole in the guy’s ego.
When consternation bloomed on Maggie’s face, as if she wasn’t sure she liked Starbuck’s little dig, he joined in the laughter. Loudly. Too loudly, perhaps. Anything to draw Maggie’s attention away from the arrogant Viper jock, whom he could already tell wasn’t worthy of her time.
It worked - she’d looked at him and her bemusement had bubbled into laughter.
********
Maggie threw down the armful of wood she’d collected for tonight’s fire and headed over to her pack. As she rooted around and pulled out one of the pseudo-MREs she’d brought along, her mind turned back to her bow. With the blessing of Artemis, she’d kept herself fed for days when she’d wandered out in the wilderness before the end of the worlds. If she’d had more time, she would have reviewed the biologists’ reports and tried to make a go of foraging for her dinner, but her need to be away from everyone had superseded even the joy of fending entirely for herself.
She shook her head, walked over to the coals and tossed the MRE in to cook. Sat down in the grass and trailed her fingers through the cool blades. On a whim, she crushed a few of them and inhaled the scent, stocking up on sense memories to help fill the cool metal days and months between passes on the Galactica. She’d been grateful when the Admiral had offered these two-day passes to those who had chosen to stay with the fleet, allowing them to get some R&R before the last wave mustered out.
She was even more grateful to Kat, who’d swapped passes with her so she could get off the Galactica as quickly as possible. While she might not have known everything, Lou understood Maggie’s need to get out, get away from everyone, to be alone for a little while.
Alone. There was nothing so precious as alone, these days.
The snap of a twig from off to her right shot Maggie straight to her feet, gun drawn. She tilted her head and listened while she eyed the direction of the sound. “Who’s there?”
A movement, someone sidestepping out from behind a tree, and she trained her gun toward it. She didn’t lower her weapon when she saw who it was.
“You have enough for two?” Helo asked.
********
“You have enough for two?” Maggie asked him, when she came upon him in the observation lounge.
He was three sheets (and two bottles) to the wind. In a relatively calm phase between fits of anger and tears over his dead child and his currently unreachable - in more ways than one - Sharon, he raised his bottle and waved her over with it. “You going to keep me company?” His words were only a little slurred, and he was stupidly proud of that as she sat down next to him.
She reached out and grabbed the bottle, took a long swallow from it before handing it back. “I’m sorry, Karl.”
The bottle slipped numbly from his fingers and dropped to the floor, now forgotten, as he reached out for her. She held him as he railed against the universe and all its inhabitants and covered her in tears like rain. Rubbed soothing circles over his back as all the vitriol flowed out of him. Held his gaze when he looked at her, not turning away uncomfortably as everyone else, even Kara, had done.
Somehow, she showed up each and every time he broke down. In her pajamas, in her uniform, in her flightsuit, she anchored him, comforted him, took in every harsh word without protest. Each and every time, until the time when he shifted his head and caught her lips in a sloppy, exhausted kiss. For a moment, she responded, opening her mouth and allowing him to taste her, before gently pushing him back.
“You’re in love with her,” she said quietly, the first to look away.
“I love you, too,” he stated, just as quietly.
Her shoulders sagged and she smiled sadly, slowly shaking her head. “It’d be easier if that weren’t the truth. Or a little more of it.”
He stared at her until she touched his shoulder. “Lie down, you’re exhausted,” she ordered and guided his head toward her lap.
She stared out at the fleet and ran her fingers through his hair until he fell asleep.
********
“I came here to be alone,” she snapped at him, not bothering to hide the irritation in her voice or in her actions as she flipped the safety on her gun and shoved it forcefully into its holster.
“You don’t need to be alone, you need a friend,” he replied and took a step towards her.
“Frak off.”
“I’m not leaving.” He took another step forward.
“Then I am,” she spit out from behind gritted teeth and began to run.
She barreled through the trees, not caring about stealth or flowing with nature, only wanting to put distance between her and the man who was chasing her. The one man left in the universe she wanted, but would never be able to have. The reason she came down here alone, to put herself back together, to repair the cracks in her cool demeanor. Because she didn’t want anyone to see her like this.
“Maggie,” she heard him yell from behind, a little closer than she would have liked. She should have had the advantage. She’d spent years and years running through the woods, she was smaller, more agile, quicker over short distances. But where she avoided and jumped, the man behind her crashed through like a tank. She wondered briefly what she might have done to upset her patron goddess, why she was suddenly cursed like Actaeon to be chased through the forest by her loyal companion. Tried to calculate how long it would take him to tear her to pieces after he got his hands on her.
“Maggie!” Karl shouted and she felt his fingers graze her shoulder. She veered to the right, and nearly crashed into a low-hanging branch. When she slowed to avoid it, his arm wrapped around her stomach and he yanked her back against his chest. His other arm clamped around both of hers like a steel band, trapping her in place.
They breathed heavily together for a moment, their breaths synchronizing unintentionally. “I picked up some running experience on Caprica.”
“Too bad it wasn’t the only thing you picked up,” she hissed back, instantly regretting her words. Lords, couldn’t he have left her alone until she had this under control?
“If I let you go, will you stay put?”
“No,” she panted and struggled against him.
“Then I’ll drag you all the way back to camp.” He turned them, took a few steps, then stopped and looked around.
“Let me guess, you don’t know which way it is...”
He looked around a little bit more, turned his face up to the fading sun and started off in a new, and still incorrect, direction.
And stopped again. She craned her head up and to the side, fixing him with a look of disdain as he clenched his jaw and gave a frustrated sigh. “A little help, here?”
And Maggie, despite herself, began to laugh. After a second, Karl joined in, and all of the tension of the past ten minutes drained away.
“You can let me go now,” she said when she regained her breath.
“I don’t know if I can.”
********
He’d left Sharon in her cell with hardly a word or a look back, stung by her little “stick it to the man” gesture with Cavil during the mission. He loved her, but sometimes she infuriated him beyond belief. Not sure where he was heading, he strode through the corridors of the ship, people silently parting before him.
He turned a corner and a sudden surge of relief washed over him when Maggie popped into view. He hadn’t forgotten about how her bird had disappeared after the first jump; it’d been a nagging worry in the back of his mind while he dealt with Sharon’s skittishness and had resurfaced from time to time during the firefight with the Cylons on Caprica...
His pace didn’t slow as he walked to her. There was no hesitation when he swooped her up into his arms and held her tight, just like he’d wanted to do back on Kobol in that first instant.
“Put me the frak down. Everyone’s staring,” she hissed into his ear.
He spun her around once. “I don’t care.”
********
They had eaten in relative silence. A few words here about how quiet it was, a couple of phrases there about how quickly the sun set on this new planet. Safe and bland.
Karl pulled a bottle of the Chief’s swill out of his bag. “A little taste of home,” he grinned and poured some into her cup.
“When do you have to be at the LZ?”
“Oh six-thirty.”
Maggie hid her surprise by looking at her chronometer. Eight hours. Here. Alone. Together. She was irritated that he was intruding upon her, and yet... it was eight hours. Here. Alone. Together. Her stomach tightened and a flush spread across her skin. How many nights, behind closed curtains and curled under blankets, had she given in and imagined something like this?
And how many nights had she been strong enough to resist the maddening way her thoughts still strayed toward him? More nights than not lately, but still not enough that her conscious was entirely clear...
“So, did you think you would just frak me and go home, then?” she asked, but there was no malice in her voice.
He took a long swallow out of his own cup and looked at the trees, the stars, the fire - anywhere but her. In the middle of nowhere, in nature untouched by artificiality, it all came down to basic responses. No walls or buildings or noises or facades that humans always seemed to hide behind... Here, in the middle of nowhere, his unwillingness to look at her was all the answer she needed.
“That’s not why...” His voice trailed off as he finally met her eyes again. The firelight cast subtly flickering shadows across his face and hid the exact moment his protest became surrender. “It’s not in the way you think.”
She sat back from the flames, to hide her own face from his suddenly scrutinizing gaze. “Then tell me the way it is, before I kick your ass for being so presumptuous.”
He smiled a little at that, then looked at her earnestly. “Mags, we never ended. Never had closure. I see how it’s tearing you up inside, even though you put on that brave face to show the world that we never meant anything to each other. That we’re nothing more than friends.” There was an edge to his voice. Not anger, not desperation, but an intensity laced with... regret?
“Which we aren’t,” Maggie cut in, a bit defensive of his focus on her. Even though what he was saying was true, these feelings weren’t just the wishful thinking of the unrequited. “Since you came back, I haven’t done a single thing to imply otherwise.”
He planted his hands on the ground and leaned forward, eyes searching out hers. “No, you haven’t. But that’s not all we ever were.” He breathed out a sigh of frustration and shifted closer to where she sat. “I feel it, Mags. Every time I look at you, I feel it. Little loose ends, fraying pieces of the past...”
She understood exactly what he was saying: fraying pieces, little loose ends that constricted around her heart more times than she’d ever admit, even to herself. Twinges of longing and what ifs and flashes of regret that had to be hidden, brushed back into the little dark places where she put all of the weak and messy parts of herself. To be bricked over, so she could continue with her life - or what passed for it - these days.
Lieutenant Margaret “Racetrack” Edmondson didn’t need anyone but herself. A good frak every now and then, a working Raptor, and a target to lock onto - those were the only things she needed. Maggie Edmondson missed things, wanted what she couldn’t have, dreamed about the past, and, even for all her strength, would never have survived these past months. And because of that weakness, that messiness, Maggie had been all but sealed away when Karl Agathon returned to the fleet with his Cylon lover.
And had somehow made it impossible for Lt. Margaret “Racetrack” Edmondson to place the final brick in the wall.
********
He’d searched for nearly two weeks to find her gift, making quiet inquiries to certain people who had connections aboard other ships, even going so far as to ask Kara to work the settlement angle for him. In the end, he’d worked an extra shift or two, made a few trades to put the right things in the right hands and got something, while not perfect, a little special for her birthday. He placed the box on the seat of her Raptor and wondered how she was feeling this morning.
Yesterday, he had swung by the impromptu party in the rec room. Had a few drinks, presented Maggie with a chocolate bar - stale and broken, but still, real chocolate - as a gift from both him and Sharon. She’d been pleasantly drunk, cracking jokes with Kat, flirting outrageously with Narcho, ragging on Skulls mercilessly. He couldn’t help but smile as his gaze followed her around the room.
“What’s so funny?” she’d asked when she walked over to join him.
“It’s good to see you happy.” He’d reached out and pulled her in for a hug; he wanted to hold her, hold a little of her happiness, maybe even take a little bit for himself. He’d buried his nose in her hair and breathed her in before whispering into her ear, “I’ve got to get going for my shift in CIC. Enjoy the rest of your birthday.”
She’d pulled away slightly - not out of his arms, just enough so she could look at him. “Tell Sharon I said thank you for the chocolate.”
“And what about me?”
“Like you had anything to do with it. Boys never give good gifts,” she’d replied with a wicked smirk.
He’d laughed and bent down to place a kiss on her cheek. At the last second, she’d turned her head and his lips brushed against hers. Not long enough to draw attention, just enough to have him fighting the urge to lick his lips and capture the taste of her that he was certain lingered there.
He’d felt her eyes on him all the way out the door.
His eyes were on her now, as he leaned against Siren’s Viper with his arms folded across his chest, watching her step up into her bird as she prepared to start flight check. Followed her as she moved to the pilot’s seat and paused. He had a clear view through the front window as she leaned over and picked up the box he’d addressed to her. She shook it gently a few times before she sat down to open it, a small smile curving her lips.
He couldn’t see her hands, but he knew when she’d gotten it open by the way she froze momentarily, her head bowed over her lap. Her shoulders hitched slightly a few times, whether she was fighting laughter or tears, he couldn’t tell...
And then she looked up. Directly at him. He couldn’t help but to move closer, drawn in by the slightly melancholy smile on her face. She pressed her hand against the glass and mouthed the words “thank you” to him. His heart did a little flip and he reached up to mirror her hand with his. They looked at each other for a second, nothing more, before he dropped his hand and headed out of the bay.
********
He was closer, now. Close enough to touch. Maggie dug her short nails into her palms and squeezed tight, using that little bit of pain to keep her head clear, to keep her from reaching out. She needed to put some distance between them. “You remember that picture I took of you on that weekend pass to Aerilon?” she asked.
“Out on the beach?”
She nodded. “I put it up in the memorial hall the day after you came back. Buried it under other pictures, so no one would know it was there.”
He stiffened slightly, but didn’t say anything.
“It was easier for me to think of you as dead.” A chuff of air passed her lips, a twisted mixture of regret and amused disdain. “It’s still up there, Karl. Still. I go and visit it from time to time, whenever I need to remind myself that whatever it was we were, it’s over.” She didn’t like how weak that made her seem, so she steeled herself and added coolly, “Maybe you should do the same.”
Karl growled and lunged, throwing Maggie back to the grass, his face hovering over hers. “Don’t say that. I am not dead. You are not dead. We are not dead.”
She could feel his breath on her face and shut her eyes to the myriad of conflicting emotions in his. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I miss you? That there are times when I look at you and it hurts so badly that I can’t breathe? That sometimes I’m ready to take that picture down, and then you do something...”
He cut her off with a kiss, his full weight slowly coming to rest upon her as angry tension seeped from his arms. He dragged his lips to the side of her mouth and murmured, “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough to let you go,” before he rolled off to lay next to her in the grass. “I’m sorry for being so selfish, Mags, but I need you in my life. I need your friendship, your strength, your sarcastic quips, your beautiful smile. You keep me grounded.” There was a long pause before he reached for her hand and added quietly, “You keep me human.”
She bit her lip and gave a soft sigh. “And you keep me Maggie,” she whispered as she stared up at the stars and twined her fingers with his.
********
He was still stewing over that conversation he’d overheard this morning in the ready room before briefing. Two pilots, complaining about Kat as CAG, had quickly shifted from derisiveness of her fleet tenure to ticking off names of people whom they’d thought would do a better job. He’d listened with amusement at the reasons they were giving for and against each pilot and mentally added his own comments to their list.
Until they mentioned him. And had concluded that it would be impossible to trust a man who was sleeping with the enemy to lead them into battle.
Helo didn’t know what bothered him more: the fact that they still considered Sharon the enemy after everything she’d done for the Fleet, or that, even after all this time, he could still be affected by the comments and attitudes of the others. But the worst of it all was the small voice in his head that told him they were probably dead to rights with their reasoning as to why he, one of the few remaining senior officers, hadn’t been chosen for the position.
“Galactica/Racetrack.”
He almost jumped when he heard her voice through both his earpiece and from across the short span of distance between the pilot and ECO chairs. There hadn’t been a lot of chatter during their CAP rotation, and Maggie had pretty much left him alone after he’d brushed off her initial inquires as to how he was doing.
“Go ahead, Racetrack.”
“Request permission to delay return. My bird is feeling a bit unresponsive and I’d like to see if I can shake it out a bit.”
He looked up at her. He hadn’t felt anything out of the ordinary... She craned her head back and gave him a wink as she put her finger to her helmet in the universal “shhh” signal.
A few seconds passed. Colonel Tigh was probably calculating odds and fuel burn and assessing risk. The Colonel might be a drunk and a world-class bastard, but when he was off the sauce he was probably one of the best strategy and tactics people Helo’d ever worked with. Plus, Tigh and Maggie seemed to have some kind of weird rapport. It was - and he’d never admit it to it out loud - almost friendly...
“Racetrack/Galactica. XO grants permission for a fifteen minute shakedown run.”
“Understood, Galactica. Racetrack out.” Maggie toggled off the ship to ship and let out a small whoop of victory. “You strapped in back there?”
“Yeah...”
The Raptor banked sharply to the left and away from the Galactica, nearly throwing him from his chair. “What the frak are you doing?”
She laughed as she guided the Raptor through a barrel roll. “Trying to get you to stop being such a morose motherfrakker.” When they righted themselves, the Scylla was looming in the near distance, the last ship between them and open space. Maggie pushed the throttle and the Scylla quickly grew, until it became the only thing he could see through the front view. He clenched his fingers around the arms of his chair as she threw them into a steep dive to narrowly avoid a collision.
“Well, death would certainly accomplish that,” he snarked at her.
“Oh, does my flying scare you?” she asked in an overly innocent tone. One that had him picturing her grinning wildly, bouncing slightly in her seat and repeating the words “please say yes” over and over again.
He fought the smile that twitched at the corners of his mouth. “About as much as that toy poodle that kept yipping at us in Ithaca,” he replied in a bored tone.
“You’ve never met an angry poodle, apparently.”
“I shudder to think of the carnage one angry poodle could leave in its wake.”
“My friend Tristan almost lost his hand to one.”
Helo rolled his eyes. Might as well play along and see how far she’d take it. “Meaning, he had to get a stitch and a tetanus shot?”
“Tristan taunted Scone, the archery master’s pet, one too many times. We had to carry his hand to the hospital in a bucket of ice so the doctor could reattach it.” She paused and lowered her voice for effect. “You know, I still have nightmares of that day. Those beady little eyes, those pointed little teeth. Oh Gods, Karl... the blood, the horror, the humanity...”
He didn’t want to, he tried very hard not to, but he couldn’t help but laugh. And then it just fed on itself when she started laughing at him, until he was nearly gasping for breath. When he’d finally collected himself, she looked over her shoulder and flashed him a smile brilliant enough to melt away all of his remaining frustration.
“Galactica/Racetrack. Raptor 312 requesting permission to land. Everything seems to be okay, after all.”
********
The stars moved slowly across the sky, and once she thought she caught the flashburn of a Viper thruster in the distance. The breeze picked up and she shivered slightly, the coolness here was so different than the deep cold of space... She’d have to put more wood on the fire, soon. But not just yet. Getting up meant breaking this silent impasse they’d come to - she could feel him holding back, waiting for her to make some kind of move. He’d come this far, but she would have to take the last step. And if she just lay here, still and silent, maybe she could make it through the night. Ignore what was looming over their heads and...
And continue feeling like she’d felt all these long months since he came back. Her feelings hadn’t gone away, as much as she’d wanted them to, they just hid themselves a bit deeper and felt more overwhelming in the times when they surfaced. He was right. Something needed to be done. For him as much as her, to allow them a definitive end and to start over again as something new.
“So, how was this supposed to go, this closure thing?”
He turned his head and gave her a small grin. “Honestly? I figured I’d be huddled at the LZ, nursing a gunshot wound.”
She glanced over at him and smirked. “Well, the night’s still young...”
He laughed and rolled over onto his side, propping his head on his hand. He stared down at her, the smile gradually fading from his face. “Sometimes, I wish things were different.”
She struggled to keep from wincing. The impossible possibilities of the words hurt, but what hurt more was the implicit “but, most times I don’t,” that followed them. But this was what tonight was all about, wasn’t it? Getting the messiness out in the open in hopes the wounds would heal cleanly. “Don’t tempt the Gods like that. You and I both know that they love to give us everything we want, but in the worst possible way.”
His face moved into view, blocking out the sky. “Is that what you really think?”
“You’re here, aren’t you?” she replied with a bittersweet smile and traced his jaw with the back of her hand. He opened his mouth and shut it again, then ghosted a finger over a strand of her hair. Looked at her helplessly, but didn’t look away. She pushed herself up off the ground and threw another log on the fire before turning and offering a hand to him. “Clock’s ticking, Agathon.”
His fingers closed over hers and he pulled her into him as he stood up. “We’ve got time,” he murmured into her hair, extending her hand away from their bodies and wrapping his free arm around the small of her back. “Dance with me.” The words startled her, but she went with them anyway.
They turned in small circles on the grass and in larger ones around the fire, keeping perfect time to some imaginary song. Maggie could almost recognize it: its rhythm translated into the soft swishes of their brushing thighs, its melody following the sinuous ebb and flow of the delicate patterns he traced along her lower back.
He rested his head atop hers and warm breath spilled over her ear. She tilted her head slightly, straining to hear what he was saying. Suddenly, the imaginary became real. He was humming, his voice barely audible, like a song carried over a long distance by the wind. She pressed her head to his chest, listening and feeling the vibrations of his low, sonorous baritone. Filed them away in the part of her heart that would always belong to him, to take out and remember and be glad...
She opened her palm and pressed it against his, and their hands twisted and twined, moving in a dance all their own. He tried to capture her fingers and she playfully avoided his attempts, slipping and sliding from his grasp, until he raked his nails down her palm. A shudder ran through her and she capitulated, closing her hand over his.
He pushed her away and gave her a little twirl. Pulled her firmly back to him and somehow trapped both arms behind her.
She tilted her head and smirked at him. “Smooth move, there.”
“You inspire me,” he replied and gave her a wink.
What little space there’d been between them before was now gone. This new position caused her to arch slightly into him and added a delicious friction between their hips as they continued to sway to the now-forgotten song. He rested his forehead against hers, staring into her eyes as he laced their fingers and pressed their hands into her lower back, bringing her closer still.
Maggie lifted her chin and kissed the tip of his nose. He groaned softly and turned his head, nuzzling her cheek for a long moment before he placed a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. She worked a hand free and ran her fingers along his arm, discovering the beat of his heart at the wrist, absorbing the strength she found in his bicep, curling protectively over the hollow of his throat.
She turned her head away and whispered, “All this land was once mine...”
He caught her chin in his hand and gently brought her attention back to him. Stared at her with unfathomable eyes as he stroked his thumb softly across her cheek.
The kiss began sweetly, a moment to be stolen and savored and forgotten again. Almost hesitant, almost innocent, the calm before the storm. All those beautiful and fleeting things that could never ever last, that disappeared through her fingers the more she tried to hold onto them. It deepened slowly, like a daydream melting away, finally becoming real when his hand slid into her hair and brought her closer, until soft flesh nearly bruised between hard teeth.
She traced his bottom lip with her tongue, daring him to open to her, moaning softly when he did. He tasted of salt and the sea, and bittersweet like the inexorable turning of autumn to winter. She wondered what she tasted like to him, what he’d choose to remember and what he’d choose to forget...
She extracted herself from his arms and stepped away, hoping she tasted like good-bye as she led him silently to her tent.
********
He found her in the memorial corridor, standing quietly, entranced by a candle’s flame. Watched her for a moment and then walked over and laid a hand on her shoulder.
She’d jumped slightly, but didn’t look at him.
“No one comes here much anymore. Everyone’s gotten comfortable, gotten used to forgetting and moving on. So, I stop by from time to time and light a candle. To make sure they know they aren’t forgotten.” She turned a 360, as if trying to memorize every face and name pinned to these walls. When she'd finally returned to where she'd started, she added, “And to remind myself...”
“Remind yourself of what?”
She gave him a sideways glance. “To always be on guard. This isn’t going to last, you know. They’re going to find us eventually and if everyone’s forgotten, it’s all going to happen again.”
There was something in the tone of her voice, something in the way she was holding herself... He reached for her but she avoided his arms.
“Someone has to remember, Karl,” she said quietly.
He stared at the candle and listened to her footsteps as she walked away.
********
She woke up alone and panicked, when the alarm on her watch went off. Less than an hour left... She threw on her fatigues and a t-shirt and left the tent.
He was sitting by the remains of the fire, poking at the embers with a long stick. “I was going to wake you, Mags.”
She sat down. “Did you bring coffee?” she asked, nodding her head toward the cup in his hand.
His lips quirked up in a smile. “I figured it might come in handy as a peace offering.”
“If it’s from Galactica’s galley, it’d be more of a declaration of war.”
“Nope, 100% Virgon roast,” he replied and leaned forward to hand her the cup.
Their fingers brushed and her skin tingled at the contact, faint aftershocks of the last few hours rippling through her. She wondered if he felt them, too, or if his body had already forgotten... She cast a glance in his direction as she took a swallow of the hot, but not scalding, coffee.
“Can I ask you a favor?”
“Anything.”
“When we get back home, could you not call me Mags anymore?”
His eyes squeezed shut and the muscle in his jaw twitched once, twice... “Is Maggie okay?”
“We’ll try it out and see,” she replied, but hoped that he wouldn’t try it too soon.
They drank their coffee in silence. After they finished, he stood up and picked up the small pack he’d brought with him. “I’d better get going.”
She nodded her head and stood up, too. “You probably should.”
“Mags...” he paused, clearly struggling to find the right words. After a couple of false starts, he seemed to give up entirely.
“You’re still my friend, Karl. Give me a little time and a little space, but not too much, okay?”
He smiled and opened his arms. She went into them willingly, letting him wrap her up tight. The smile slipped from her face as she buried it in his chest. She inhaled deeply, holding the breath for as long as she could stand it and exhaled quickly, in order to fill her lungs with his scent again. When his arms finally began to loosen, she grabbed hold of his face and pulled him down for one long last kiss.
“Goodbye, Karl,” she murmured as she stepped away.
He stared at her for a moment and she watched as the faint traces of longing and regret in his eyes slowly changed into acceptance. He nodded his head and gave her a small, lopsided smile. “Goodbye, Mags.”
Somehow, she managed to put the familiar smirk on her face. “Now go, before you miss your ride. And make sure you tell Helo he owes Racetrack a shift for interrupting her pass.”
“I’ll be sure to pass the word.”
“You do that,” she said, then turned and started toward the lake, never looking back.
********
He stood over her, spotting her as she bench pressed her last set. Counted repetitions for her, watched as a bead of sweat slid over her skin and pooled between her breasts. She cleared her throat and he raised his eyes with a half-hearted smirk. “One of the perks of being a spotter,” he shrugged.
She rolled her eyes and set the bar into its cradle. “Hand me my towel, would you?”
He reached down and picked up both her towel and her water bottle, handing them to her as he straddled the bench and sat down, facing her. Stared at her while she drank. Wondered how he was going to do this. Tried to imagine how she would react.
“What’s wrong?”
It was late, since Maggie had the graveyard CAP tonight and she liked to work out before starting her day, but there were still a few others in the room. He glanced around a bit and decided that no one was close enough to hear. He could drag her somewhere more private, but that would probably create more attention than the two of them chatting here.
“Nothing’s wrong. I just need to talk to you for a bit.”
Wariness mixed with the concern in her eyes as she capped her bottle. “Shoot.”
He took a deep breath, then another. He was torn. This was good news, he was happy, but... a little part of him ached as he locked gazes with her.
“I’ve been talking with the Admiral: next week, after Colonel Tigh heads planetside, I’m going to ask Sharon to marry me.”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise and her mouth dropped into a little “O.” A flash of pain in her eyes reverberated in his heart. She immediately turned her head away and brought the towel up to her face, hiding her reaction as she wiped away the sweat of the last hour.
His hand reached out before he could stop it, resting on her knee when he heard her shaky inhalation. “I wanted you to know first. I wanted you to hear it from me.”
When she turned around and faced him again, there was a bright smile on her face and a slightly paler version of it in her eyes. “Congratulations, Karl. You deserve to be happy.” Her words were genuine and he released the breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.
“You deserve to be happy, too, Mags,” he said quietly. Her smile slipped for an instant, but she recovered it so quickly he could easily play it off as imagination.
She reached out and hugged him. “Have a good life together,” she whispered in his ear before she stood up and walked toward the hatch.
Her words sounded so final. They sounded like good-bye. He’d never thought he could hate a genuine wish for his and Sharon’s happiness, but yet, somehow, at this moment, the price it carried seemed more than he was willing to pay.
“Mags, wait,” he called out and she slowed to a stop. One hand on the hatchway, her back still to him, tension radiating from her body. He was once again aware of the other people in the room, and silently cursed their presence as everything he wanted to say to her became lost under the weight of their suddenly piqued curiosity and not-quite obvious stares.
“Are we still on for Thursday?” he called out, trying to keep his voice casual.
She turned her head toward him, but didn’t meet his eyes. “I’m not sure. Kat mentioned something about swapping passes. I’ll let you know,” she replied carefully and walked away.
Karl watched Maggie recede into the corridors of the Galactica, one hand clutched tightly around the towel she’d left behind. Only after she had disappeared completely into the horizon did he finally drop the towel, and then his eyes, to the floor.