Fic: ENJOINED (Part 1 of 4)
Title: Enjoined
Author: chevron17
Beta: Self and computer - so sorry, I completely ran out of time - please let me know if you see anything and I will fix!
Pairing: Giles/Buffy
Other Characters: None to speak of.
Rating: NC-17 for sex and typical series-level vampire-type violence across three parts
Text/Font Conventions: Italics represents unvoiced thoughts, emphasis, or foreign language, based on context.
Length: Approximately 18,700 words, 100,750 characters, or 49 pages in 12 pt Verdana, total across three parts.
Timeframe: Shortly after 0422 Restless. Buffy is of legal age (though she may not always act it . . . ;-) ). This story assumes Riley left with some remnants of the Initiative/Military after the big battle in Restless, so he's not around to impede the B/G-goodness.
Summary: After the enjoining spell and the battle with Adam at the end of Season 4, Buffy finds she has acquired more than just technical knowledge from Giles, and what she now knows threatens to tear them apart.
Inspired/Concept By: A discussion with hamrensel of LJ (Hi hamrensel!), who suggested a story where Buffy retained unexpected information from Giles' mind as a result of the enjoining spell.
Disclaimer: Buffyverse and characters property of Joss Whedon, et al. This is a not-for-profit amateur work done with respect and intent of preserving and extending interest in the wonderful world of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Warnings: Explicit M/F sex, standard series-level vampire-type violence, hurt/comfort and angsty angst angst, but with a happy ending, since its me after all. Possible transmission specs errors for 1991 325ix - apologies in advance to B-Mer fen!
How could this be?
How could this possibly be?
Could there be a more horrid betrayal of her trust?
And from the one person whom she thought she could always count on? Someone she believed would never betray her, not even at the cost of his own life?
How could it be?
Strange, unbidden thoughts - thoughts and images not her own - swarmed 'round in Buffy's head, distracting her from her evening's patrol. She'd had her share of strange thoughts and dreams before, but she'd never had anything like this. Not even last night, when the First Slayer tried to kill her and her friends in their sleep after the battle with Adam. Nope, the Cheese Man and the mummy-wrapped Cave Slayer had nothing on this. This was totally different. It was totally personal.
It was totally unacceptable.
Dire consequences, yeah. He so had no idea.
***************************************
Buffy stormed across the little courtyard outside Giles' flat, striding purposefully up to his front door. While she often entered without knocking, she'd never practically kicked the door in before.
Startled, Giles jerked up from where he had been tending a roast chicken in the oven, coming perilously close to sending a pan of sauteed mushrooms to their doom on the floor when he bumped into the handle. Only his quick reflexes saved them, pushing them back from the edge of the stove, with only a minor splash of hot marsala sauce skittering down his trousers leg.
He turned towards his visitor, finding his Slayer in his dining area, staring in at him through the kitchen pass-through with a look he'd never expected to see on her face.
He'd seen his Slayer angry before - both at him and at others. This was not anger, this was something more.
Hatred.
It was the only word he could think of to adequately to describe her look.
“Buffy?” he queried, his voice tight. “Buffy, what's wrong?”
When Buffy answered him, he could understand the words. What he couldn't understand was how she was able to say them.
“Menzen zu,” Buffy replied, her voice cold as ice.
“I know? I know what?” Giles asked, baffled. “And how on earth are you speaking Sumerian? Buffy, what's happening? Are you ill?”
“Seg. Bara sig.”
“Yes, but not of the body?” Giles shook his head. “Buffy, I understand the words, but I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. Maybe you'd best sit down and we'll . . .”
“Nu. Nu ka-ba.”
“Enough talking?” Giles really began to get worried. “Are you Buffy?” Is there someone else I am speaking with?”
“Nope. Only 'lil 'ole Buffy in here,” his Slayer finally replied in English.
“What's happened? You're speaking Sumerian, is this something to do with the Enjoining Spell?”
“Got it in one. Give or take.”
The short, curt answers were definitely not her usual style. He tried prompting her again. “Buffy, I don't understand. What is it you're trying to tell me?”
“Dire consequences, remember? Way worse than chewing too fast.”
“What consequences, Buffy? Tell me how I can help you?”
“Oh, I'd say you've already done enough. Very much quite enough. I just came here to tell you that.” Buffy's tone was practically acid.
“You're still speaking in riddles. At the moment, all I know is that you've retained some knowledge of Sumerian from me as a result of the Enjoining Spell.”
“Oh, I've retained a whole lot more than that. I've got a full serving of the inside of your mind. Didn't like it much.”
Giles frowned, distressed. “If this is about my youth, Buffy, you already . . .”
“This is about the here and now, Giles! This is about how you think about me! The fantasies you have about me! The things you want to do with me, while all the while you play the quiet, platonic English mentor.”
Despite his distress, Giles found himself shifting into problem-solving mode.
“The spell . . . it must have . . . Buffy - do you have any retained memories from Willow or Xander?”
“What does it matter?”
“It matters because it defines whether or not this is just an effect of the spell, or if it is an effect due to our nature as Watcher and Slayer.”
“I don't have any weird fantasies from either of them.”
“Any memories, any at all?”
“No.”
“Then it must be because . . .”
“I'm not interested in the how! I'm interested in the what!” Buffy shouted. “It's one thing to get treated to an instantaneous dose of a dead language I'll never use. It's quite another to find out that my Watcher wants to watch me undress, then throw me down in his bed or on his dining room table and fuck me into next week!”
Giles stood stunned a moment at the intense anger and crude language coming from his Slayer - neither of which he had experienced before. He struggled to keep his mind focused on solving the problem.
You . . . you have the Sumerian because we used it to fight Adam. You have these . . . other . . . memories. What else do you have?”
“Gee, I really though that was enough. Watchers watch - now I know what that really means. I guess that's why you hung around even after you were fired, huh?
“Buffy, I understand you are angry but . . .”
“Oh, so you admit it, do you? You admit having sex fantasies about your Slayer?
Giles sighed heavily, knowing that whatever he said would mean nothing to Buffy in her present state. He decided on honestly. “I admit having loving and intimate thoughts about a very beautiful young woman who is an extremely important person to me. As to why I stayed,” he continued urgently, “you know full well why I stayed - I stayed because you needed me. I stayed because I had to. For God's sake, Buffy, I swore an oath on my immortal soul to guide and protect you no matter the cost. How could I ever hurt you?”
Buffy replied in Sumerian, “Menzen ag U-Bi-Ta (you already have).”
Giles shook his head. “In all of my memories - in all of my thoughts - you choose to focus on this one part to judge me? To condemn me?”
“It's a pretty big part. Biggest thing I saw in there.”
“No,” Giles denied forcefully. “No, it isn't. It can't be. It's a small part and you are choosing to take it out of context and proportion. Buffy, I care deeply for you. I would never do anything against your wishes. I've mentioned nothing of this to you. In all our time together, have I ever given you any reason to question my intentions toward you? Have I ever acted anything less than a proper gentleman with you?”
“I've seen your thoughts.”
Giles shook his head again. “Have you never had an intimate thought, a fantasy, about someone from afar?” he asked desperately, weighed down by her anger and feeling her slipping out of his reach. “Someone who, for whatever reason, you would not pursue in actuality?”
Buffy glared into Giles' hopeless eyes. “Til (no),” she replied in Sumerian.
They both knew she was lying, but there wasn't anything to be done about it at present, the emotion was too high, too strong.
Feeling tears gathering in her eyes at her anger and confusion, Buffy turned and stormed out as she came in, slamming Giles' door behind her.
The door's echo reverberated through the garden as her tears fell unseen.
************************************
For a moment, Giles did nothing but stare at the back of his front door. Then he turned and slammed his fist on the pass-through counter, sending small items jumping, even though the counter was built solidly into the wall. He wanted to take a stiff slug of Scotch, but he new it wasn't what he needed right then.
He fought his own anger - at himself, for ever having any mature thoughts of his Slayer. But hell and damn, he was a man after all - and she was everything to him. He was embarrassed, even though he knew he had no reason to be. He wanted to be angry at her - she had no right to challenge him on his own private thoughts - something about which she would never have learned except for that thrice-damned spell.
He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself and find his center. He tried to focus his mind, solve the problem.
Yes things were bad, but they'd been bad before and he'd always been able to work things out with his Slayer. He had to believe that this would be no different, if a bit more complex, painful and time consuming. He took another deep breath.
He knew running immediately after her would not be helpful for either of them. They each needed to calm down and think this through.
He made himself some strong tea, adding just a dash of his good brandy into it for a little additional kick. He sat down in his reading chair to think.
Giles drank his tea and closed his eyes. He tried to catalog in his mind the reasons why Buffy might have reacted as she did. He knew he had various roles in her life. For some of those, like teacher, mentor, or occasional surrogate father, a relationship with her would be most inappropriate, particularly before she was of legal age. However, from the very beginning, he'd done everything he could to treat her as an equal - a partner - to be a friend to her, to let her find her own way as long as she was safe, to guide and not to force. He was certain she knew this, and it was evidenced in her usual demeanor toward him - as an associate, not a taskmaster - particularly after the incident with the one little lie, the one little drink, and one not-so-little hungry demon snake, when he'd learned an important lesson and they'd come to terms.
When Olivia had come to visit him, Buffy had declared him old and gross, yet her posture, her voice and face/body expression had screamed possessiveness, even jealousy. Buffy wasn't very good with sharing. It had startled and confused him. Then she'd taken up with the Initiative and Riley and had given him the cold shoulder. He knew her relationship with the soldier hadn't been the best - the young man simply did not know how to handle Buffy's strong will and wild nature. With the destruction of the experimental base, Riley had been recalled, and Buffy's relationship with him had ended, leaving her once again at loose ends. He knew it was a very unsettled time for her.
As for himself, he knew his thoughts of her, while occasionally explicit, were loving and reflective of his true feelings for her. He was incredibly proud of her, and proud of what they accomplished together. Buffy was angry, yes, but he would not allow himself to believe that she would end their partnership because of the spell's aftereffects.
Although she had denied it, Giles was certain Buffy had to have gained other memories from him - he only wished he knew what they were. It might help him find a solution.
He looked at his watch - it was about 30 minutes since she'd stormed out on him. She'd probably calmed down, at least a little. He might be able to talk to her now, and more importantly, if she had returned to her patrol duties in a distracted state, she might need backup.
He stood and gathered his keys, coat, some stakes and his sword. He ran through her usual patrol route in his mind, trying to think where he'd be most likely to find her.
********************************
Buffy sat on a large monument in Westside Cemetary. She'd staked a few miscellaneous vampires, but nothing anywhere close to testing her abilities. As her anger started to fade, she found additional thoughts from Giles' mind begin to float in and out of her consciousness, and she gradually became aware of a whole long history, none of it sexual in the slightest.
Still maintaining her Slayer senses on guard to threat, she closed her eyes and relaxed, trying to let these other memories come to the fore. It wasn't quite like running a newsreel backwards, but it sort of felt that way anyway. It was doubly weird, because it was all from Giles' point of view, not hers. It was like being inside his mind.
Standing with Buffy at Jenny's grave
Attacking Angelus and Buffy's rescue of him from the fire. She could feel her own arms around him but from his own perspective.
Horror finding Jenny's lifeless body in his bed.
Joy at learning Jenny and Buffy had begun to reconcile, and Jenny's invitation to intimacy with him.
Willingness to surrender his own life to the Eyghon-possessed Jenny to save Buffy from Eyghon.
Fear and horror on learning the Buffy had entered the Cruciamentum “field of play” even after he'd told her what would happen, not knowing her mother had been kidnapped. Slamming Quentin Travers against the doorframe growling,”This is not business!” Rushing to the basement, terror in his heart that he'd be too late.
Dread at having to put Buffy through the Cruciamentum, expressing his reservations with Travers, dealing with Buffy's anger, his heart breaking at her words, “If you touch me, I'll kill you.” Steadfast concern for her safety regardless of her words.
Seething anger and heart-breaking pain at learning Buffy had hid Angel's return from him. Her lack of respect cutting him to his core. Working to help the returned Angel, though he had every right and more to refuse.
Slow, pain-filled recovery from his torture at Angelus' hands. The far worse pain of learning his Slayer had vanished, without even checking to see if he'd survived. Endless searching for her without success. Accepting her sudden return. The moments needed to composed himself in his kitchen, his relief at her return overwhelming.
The unimaginable pain of Angelus' torture, the sound of his own fingers breaking, the crack of the whip, the sting of the hot blade, the vampire's laughter. Goading Angelus in hopes the demon would kill him before he might break and reveal what his captor wanted to know. Self-hatred at realizing he'd been tricked by Druscilla, even though he'd been helplessly in her thrall at the time, his murdered true love used against him.
Taking down the barricade at the Library doors to take on Spike's vampires to help Buffy on Parent Night. Responding to Jenny's concern for him, fighting down his fear, “Listen, I am the Watcher. I am responsible for her, and I, I have to go!”
Desperately trying to find away around the Codex prophesy regarding Buffy's death at the hands of the Master. Preparing to go to certain death in her place, because she didn't want to die, and he didn't want her to die either.
Adjusting his style when Buffy rebelled in the demon snake incident. Switching to nudging, walking her up the slippery stone stairs in her high heels and little black dress, offering a gentle hand at her elbow in support.
*******************
Buffy came back to herself a moment, remembering the incident from her own mind.
A gentleman's hand, Buffy realized, nothing more.
Oh crap.
*********************************
Giles made the rounds of the Sunnydale cemeteries by car, stopping briefly at each one to do a cursory survey and call out his Slayer's name. If she wanted to be found, she would answer him. If she didn't want to be found, no amount of searching on his part would locate her.
He couldn't sense her through their bond, and he prayed that he just hadn't found the right location as yet, and not that she was somehow deliberately blocking him.
***************************************
Buffy stood and stretched, then paced furiously around the monument she'd been sitting on.
Crap, she'd really blown it. She'd known she'd lied to him when she denied having any fantasies of her own. She who doth protest too much - yeah. She wasn't willing to admit that some of those fantasies had been of her own Watcher - only in her fantasies, she was the one who jumped him.
He was right, of course, as usual. He'd never made any advances toward her. Maybe that was part of the problem as well. She just didn't know what she wanted from him. Giles was loving, safe - he was home. He didn't seem like lover material. And yet, as his memories washed through her, and mingled with her own memories of the same incidents, she realized that he was devoted to her, and her alone. That had to be at least one definition of love.
She sat and closed her eyes again.
**************************************
Confusion of stuffy British tweed and propriety colliding full-on with Southern California Teen Buffy and the SoCal culture. Having to throw out the manual and meet her where she was, adapt himself and all his training to meet her specific needs, to draw upon his own somewhat wild youth.
The package from his Grandmother’s solicitor containing a gold and onyx signet ring, a toy aeroplane, and a 1 pound play money note. “Never lose who you are, my dear Rupert, because who you are is good indeed.” Her words remembered as he looked upon her gifts.
Excitement and dread at being assigned the active Slayer, with one Watcher already dead from the task. Knowing that the Council hoped to be rid of him, once and for all, dead on the Hellmouth, in the Colonies, stricken from the records.
Facing the Blackshed Trial by the Council, forced to confront the horrors of the cliff caves and conquer his own demons. They'd hoped he'd die there as well. He almost did.
Completing his training with the Council, always under the shadow of his past, the disapproval of the Council and his father.
Ethan and the gang. Fear as his best friend, his lover, turned to dark and chaos, Giles unable to persuade him otherwise, but resisting himself, even though it meant losing him. The horror of Eyghon and Randall's death - Randall's death at his own hands to contain the rampaging demon.
Stress, anxiety, work, work, work, pressure, pressure, pressure, conform, conform, conform.
******************************************
Buffy gasped, coming back to herself as the swell of receding memories faded off into grayness once again.
It had almost been like a movie, a biography on fast reverse. Some things she already knew about, like the issues with Eyghon and Jenny Calendar, but here she was seeing those same events through Giles' eyes.
In all of it, above all else, Giles' thoughts of her were ones of love. Yes, there had been the sexual fantasies that had hit her so powerfully at first, but in context of all the other memories, as he'd said, as he'd pleaded with her, she'd found much more. Above all, she felt his love for her, sexual, but timeless, abiding, supportive, unconditional. He loved her for who she was. Even when she hurt him, he understood. When she hit tough spots, he'd been there before, and he gave her space. When she took things out on him, either with harsh words or excessive force in sparring, he understood and let her blow off steam.
Like he'd done tonight.
Buffy felt her face grow hot as one of her own memories demanded attention. After the incident with Eyghon, she'd told Giles that it was okay for him to be human, and yet tonight, she'd acted as if it were not. He'd told her then that he'd never wanted her to see that side of him. She'd been okay with that, she'd understood, and they'd moved on. Well, she'd seen a lot more of him now than ever before, without his knowledge or consent, simply as an accident of the spell. No one was at fault.
The only difference now was that she knew for certain that he loved her, not just as his Slayer, but as Buffy, and that was okay, because in the calming of her mind, she was starting to realize that she loved him too.
*********************************************
Giles sat in his car outside the East gate of Restview Cemetery. It was a cool, breezy night, and he had the convertible top up to keep out the chill night air as he studied his notes on a local map. He knew his way around all the Sunnydale cemeteries quite well, but he also knew he was distracted with worry for Buffy, and so he wanted to make sure he didn’t miss any of her typical hunting locations.
Intent on marking off the locations he'd already checked, he wasn't aware of the shadowy forms approaching his car from the rear.
*****************************
(Continued in Part 2 of 4)