「The Tear Of Joy」《Chapter 8》
Title:: The Tear Of Joy
Pairing:: Ohno Satoshi/OC, Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Genre:: angst, romance, drama, office!au
Length:: chaptered
Word Count:: 6698 words
Rating:: PG-13
“But Ohno, what do you feel about him?” Jun asked straight, wanting a clear answer. And somehow if he had that, he would say it to stop having so many doubts and problems regarding his own feelings, but at that moment, his mind was blank. He could say nothing that it was a lie, however, he was not sure if he was feeling something hard towards Ninomiya. That was why he woke up every day wondering which the right answer was.
“I don't know” that was the most sincere answer he could say now for that question. However, Jun did not seem satisfied, so Ohno continued a bit more. “Indeed, I feel attracted, I like being beside him, but at the same time I don't know anymore what I feel” he sighed looking at the floor, frustrated and tired. It was too much to process, understand and live with lately, his mind was overwhelmed with all Kazunari was making him feel. That was why somehow he took that trip his boss had to do to be away from him and realize what was happening. Ohno craved for knowing how he would feel a month without him and a small part of himself prayed that everything would return to be as normal as always, that Ninomiya would come back and he would feel nothing. So everything would be easier. However, now the question about the most important thing was present. Would he be happy again? No matter how it might hurt, he was not sure his life would be as happy as before now that he had felt what Ninomiya could mean. His hugs, his kisses, his soft words. A slight smile appeared on his lips. Why was he missing already all of that? It seemed he would become crazy. Maybe he was just scared that it would have ended as fast as it had started. That nothing was going to be as before after returning from Sapporo. He was horribly scared. And only then he understood that nothing was scarier than love itself.
“Ohno… Are you okay?” his voice was a soft murmur. Then, Satoshi looked up to meet Jun's gaze and feel his wet eyes. Was that how it truly hurt? He pouted trying not to cry in the middle of the street, but unsuccessfully his weeping became noticeable when a strong man hugged him tightly. It was not the warmth he needed, but it was somehow comforting his lonely, cold heart. And that was enough to get that his hands grabbed his suit jacket to sob shyly. Slowly, Satoshi embraced Jun tighter until he ended up cuddling up in his arms.
“Thank you” he was so grateful for having done that even if he had not asked for it. It was truly helping him to overcome that hard loneliness he had now surrounding his soul. Somehow, he felt lucky for having found such a person as Jun. Maybe he was building a so-great opinion regarding that man, he should not have to forgot what he did in the past, but for some reason, Jun seemed sincere when they broke the hug and patted his shoulder.
“Fight for your own happiness. Sometimes we need to be a bit selfish to find it” he spoke seriously, looking straight at Ohno's eyes. The latter looked down thinking about those words. More selfish than what he was being already? Could he do that? “Well, can you arrive well to your house?” he asked prudently. Satoshi was feeling that the alcohol was hitting him strongly, but he felt bad if that would mean to cause Jun more troubles. He only nodded distracted by the upset mood he started to be suddenly. “I don't know if you try to end in the hospital again” Matsumoto sighed bothered and made him turn around to push him until where his car was parked. Somehow, Ohno did not mutter even a single word. He was right after all.
The rest of night was blurred in his mind. Sleeping in the car, arriving home and sleeping again in his bed. He remembered his wife only when he entered the house stinking by the alcohol and she was already scolding him. Nothing else was recalling by him in the morning, just a strong headache by drinking that hard. His sigh was heavy when he sat on the bed. His eyes glanced at his side, at that woman who told him everyday that she was in love with him. Perhaps was that a lie? Why did she get married with him then? If she liked men too much, then why did she not stay free not to cheat on anyone at least? He could not understand her anymore. He was unable to trust her again. The person he believed in. It seemed a stupid joke.
Then, after that, he started a monotony of working again everyday without having Ninomiya near. So somehow he returned to his concentrated work and good reputation as employee. But this time was different. Life did not seem as before. Because he was waiting for a person in that office, he was waiting to receive orders or to send documents to have an excuse to talk to that man. But also, in the company, Matsumoto and he started to build a nice friendship during work or the recesses to eat lunch. Satoshi discovered a nice person he thought he would never get along with. Then, when he had to come back to home, he did not stay that long working alone, but went to drink with Jun to talk and sometimes sent some messages to Ninomiya, who was interested in his condition everyday. Unluckily, those chats did not last more than 10 messages in total. Ohno could not refuse he was frustrated by such a thing happening between them, but at the same time, he did not freak out too much because everyday that message arrived. He knew that as long as every night he would receive that how are you?, he did not have to worry. The problem came after, though. Arriving home to find that shameless woman trying to seem yet as his perfect wife. He did not know why he was still there handling such a behaviour. It was disgusting.
His life did not seem as changing because he just tried to keep that monotony, but indeed something was missing. Those days which always seemed the same were not what he liked anymore. He was not satisfied already. Until one day, finally something enjoyable happened again. That thing which Ohno needed to be free by that monotony. One day, three weeks after Ninomiya's trip started, he was in his free day, lazing around home just painting that drawing he was still working on. Suddenly, his phone started to ring. His hand caught it carelessly and picked it up without checking who was because his gaze was fixed in that drawn man.
“Yes?” he answered still mesmerized by such wonderful shape and warm feeling. His body felt nice just by recalling with his mind and observing with his eyes.
“Hi, Satoshi” that voice. That voice again. Ohno felt goosebumps all over his skin. He gulped nervously. What should he answer? He was blank, paralyzed. Excited.
“N-Ninomiya…” his lips pronounced his name softly after so much time. He bit his lower one feeling horribly attracted again. His body was crazy just by hearing his voice. Of course, the painting in front of him was not the best to have a cold mind.
“I’m sorry for calling you this suddenly, but I need you to send me some papers I have left in home” Kazunari explained professionally. Ohno breathed in and out slowly, understanding it was a business call. He needed to be an employee. He had to be an employee. But… could he?
“There’s no problem, just indicate me and I can go now” he answered as polite as he could. His heart pounding in his chest did not help. His sweaty hands were almost dropping his phone. His heavy breath might be heard by the other side of the call. He was in the verge of panicking.
“Okay. Look I will tell the doorkeeper that you will go so he will open the door of my house. Then, you have to open the drawer which is under the TV. Take the red folder and send it to me as soon as possible” he explained step by step and Ohno tried to remember everything perfectly not to mess it up.
“Fine. I will tell you when it's sent” the employee answered back. Then, an uncomfortable silence appeared. A silence full of unsaid things. Satoshi bit his lower lip not to speak. Not to confess that he was missing him. Trying to act as just his employee was stealing his breath. Sometimes telling what he felt was hard, but also sometimes not saying it was harder. It was like it needed to leave his mind. Maybe because of the fear of not being unable to confess after. Was that his chance?
“Thank you. Then…” Kazunari sounded as wanting to hang up and just realizing it might be his last chance, his mouth moved by itself.
“Ninomiya” he did not think, he did not want to think, he hated thinking regarding his boss, because after all, with him, he did not need to for being happy. “You will come back soon, right?” he asked as a way to keep him at the other side of the phone. Just his voice was not enough, but at least he felt relieved when Ninomiya showed he wanted to stay there.
“Yeah, only five days to come back…” his boss replied with a happy tone in his cold voice. “…and see you again…” suddenly, he ended the sentence and Ohno widened his eyes feeling an imminent heart attack by that strong happiness in his chest, warming finally that soul, which had started to be frozen. His mouth was unable to speak. What could he answer to that? What was he supposed to answer? His hand grabbed the phone stronger, thinking it could be even broken if he continued like that. Slowly, his free one was raised to touch the dry paint on the canvas. To touch that hair which was softly drawn falling over those closed eyes. Something was squeezed inside of his stomach.
“I miss you…” those forbidden words were finally said. He found his courage to show that the last month had not been heaven for him. Ohno did not know he could miss someone that much. It seemed a nightmare, especially when his body needed a touch and it was impossible to get. When his lips wanted a kiss and he did not find those thin ones. When his hands wanted that pale, tender skin to touch and they became two fists. He did not know how he was still sane after three weeks already just by messages. He wondered if it was reciprocal. If Ninomiya felt the same.
“Promise me you will spend the very first night with me” his beg sounded needful, ended with a sigh. Maybe indeed, they both could not handle any second more being apart.
“I will. The whole night…” he assured with a shy smile on his lips.
“Until the morning” Ninomiya continued, probably enjoying it as Satoshi was doing too. He would love to make it real at that exactly moment. His eyes were closed slowly to recall just a single kiss. “C’mon Satoshi, go for that folder” his voice was sweet. Ohno nodded silently.
“Right now, leave it to me” he said with a confident tone and the man at the other side giggled.
“Sure” both ended up laughing, but at least Ohno stopped when that last word meant the farewell. He looked at the screen of the phone and after two seconds, the call was hung up. His hands rubbed his face, victim of the frustration by not being able to change that. He just had to wait. And wait… But soon it would end, and then they would spend a whole night recovering all the lost time in that warm bed. He was craving for it already. Just five days more. He could…
*****
Finally, he was in Kazunari’s apartment. The doorkeeper was so nice to let him go inside, maybe he was close to Kazunari, his boss seemed as the typical man who got along with everyone even if he seemed rude and cold. Indeed he was nice and warm when he wanted. He would not be surprised if he was loved by everyone around him. Ohno wondered how many friends he had. Had he been popular in school? Had he been just a normal guy with a group? It could be any answer. After all, Satoshi realized once again he did not know him at all. His gaze was lowered when he left his suitcase on the floor, that hurt. Somehow knowing nothing about the man who was fucking him was kind of bothersome. And not because the fact of continuing being two strangers, but because of the fact of continuing being two strangers who felt too much for each other. Or at least in Ohno's case. So he wondered how it was possible. Needing an unknown so much. Somehow, he felt so stupid due to that reason. At least if they knew each other…
Ohno sighed, being in a sad mood already for such thoughts, that was why he opted for stopping them and did what Kazunari had asked him to. He approached the TV and kneeled on the floor to open the drawer, which was said. His hands moved different folders with tons of papers and suddenly, a red one appeared. However, when he caught it, a photo appeared under it. It was about three men. One of them was Kazunari himself, but the other two were unknowns. Slowly, when Satoshi stared more at them, he recognized one man. He was the one in the hospital. Possibly he could remember his face because his image on that bed shocked him more than he had thought. Unluckily, the remaining man was still unrecognized. The three of them were laughing, grabbing each other's shoulders with their arms. So they should be friends by how close they seemed. Satoshi grabbed it to look the back part. Surprisingly, there was something written.
June 17th, 2017. I'm sorry for what I did that day.
It was almost one year ago. He wondered what that meant. What did he do? Who to? What was that day? Ohno kept on looking at the photo, what would that mean? Should he ask when Ninomiya came back? Should he do that? He bit his lower lip, so indecisive and lost. He wanted to know, but at the same time he wanted Ninomiya to tell him without him asking. Only like that he would understand they had the confidence necessary to start to open up. But would it happen someday? Pitifully, he doubted it. Mainly, because he distrusted they would have such a treatment someday.
Slowly, he placed the photo on the drawer and closed it to stand up after with the red folder in his hands. He approached the printer Ninomiya had in his house and turned on the computer. That way he would be quicker and Satoshi did not think his boss would be bothered. That was why, he sat on the chair and took a lot at the screen, he had tons of programs. But a folder was highlighted. It was called Masaki. He wondered who that person was. Should he open it? He frowned, it was not his stuff or his computer. The curiosity was killing his sanity. Maybe just a glance was not bad…
He clicked on the folder and it was opened. Several photos appeared. Ohno chose one and Ninomiya appeared being hugged by a man. Coincidentally, that man was the one of the hospital. They seemed truly close. So he was called Masaki. Now, everything started to fix in his mind. Masaki was a good friend of Kazunari, that was why he was found crying in front of his bed. Could it be that the written phrase on the back part of the photo was related to the reason why Masaki ended up in a coma? He wondered that. What had happened between them? Now he truly wanted to know. It did not seem as an easy story.
Suddenly, the phone rang and Satoshi closed the window in a hurry by the scare. He looked who was and it seemed Kazunari had sent him a message asking about the time left to receive the documents. He sighed starting to work on them finally. After ten minutes, they were already in Ninomiya's email and Satoshi was being thanked by his work. Then, after ending such a matter, they did not talk more and the employee turned off the computer with a big sigh. What should he do? That month had been the hardest by far and his body was noticing it. Also, his mind. He did not know Kazunari became so important for him. He was his stress reliever. Whichever way they used, just a kiss was nice and enough to forget how difficult his life turned out so suddenly. He realized that after collapsing. How all his suffering inside faded away when Ninomiya kissed, hugged him…
He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly. Soon. So soon they would spend a night… And he desired it as the water in a hot day. And this time, his consciousness did not appear. After what his wife had done in the past, she did not deserve a single glimpse of trust already. He would not renounce to have Ninomiya already. Not because of such a woman. Then, why did he keep married with her? Maybe fear of what everyone would say. Their families. Their friends. The company. It was not that easy, not when everyone took them as the model couple, when everyone had astronomical expectations of them creating a family. And perhaps, noticing how that situation was more complicated than he thought at first made him doubt about the way he should take from now on. Living two lives because of his own benefit… Ohno felt himself as an scum. A big scum. And of course, because of what he was making Ninomiya live. Even if his boss decided to accept it.
The day of the hospital, when he was able to leave it, was perfect beside him and somehow he saw in Kazunari’s eyes the needed approval of continuing seducing him all he wanted. Slowly, he remembered all what happened there… Each kiss, hug, how they slept together, how Ninomiya took him to the bedroom again and they held hands. Everything seemed perfect… And suddenly, he recalled the number of the bedroom. Of that bedroom where he found Kazunari crying. 248. Should he go? He would only find that man sleeping. But somehow he had yet too many questions in his head. Maybe he was not in a coma. After all it was his supposition. He gulped and looked at the hour. Still midday. He stood up and caught his briefcase. He was too crazy lately.
*****
Entering the hospital, he searched for the elevator and tried to remember which floor it was. Unsuccessfully, he could not. So he just tried with the floor above the one he kept those days. At the second try, he found the hallway which contained that room number. Slowly, Ohno walked searching for it. When the door was in front of him, he gulped and knocked on the door cowardly. His hand grabbed the door handle and opened it slowly.
“Sorry for the intromiss-“ his words were cut off when he found another person there. Both looked at each other, amazed and lost. Satoshi frowned, his face was familiar. Possibly he was the third man in the photo… His mind was blank to find a reason about why he was there. Everything was messed up if the patient was not alone. Then, that man approached him to close the door behind him and after returned to observe his face.
“Hi. May I ask you who you are?” he asked politely and nicely, so much for how rude Satoshi had been by entering an unknown's room. Ohno could lie and run away from him, but his desire to know more about Kazunari was still too strong to waste that chance.
“Hi. I'm sorry for being this rude, I'm Ohno Satoshi, Ninomiya's employee” he bowed politely and that man widened his eyes. Weirdly, the unknown turned around and walked near the bed with that man still asleep. Ohno kept there, waiting for an answer or at least an order of leaving that room.
“So you are that employee…” he muttered, showing a serious face while looking at his friend.
“That?” Ohno asked so lost. Did he know him? Had Kazunari talked about him? Should he worry about what that man knew?
“I’m Sakurai Sho. Nice to meet you” Sho opted to say instead of answering. Ohno decided to make a step forwards and approach both men there. “So you are who's using Kazunari because your marriage doesn’t work, right?” that man spat so hastily that Ohno stopped every part of his body. Using? He was not using him. Not at all.
“Excuse me?” he sounded bothered and Sakurai looked at him.
“I would like to ask you to stop meeting him. If you're not happy with your wife, that's not Kazunari's problem. That's why-“
“I won't” Satoshi cut him off. No matter how rude he would sound or if he would worsen the situation. Indeed, that man looked at him truly bothered. “I’m not using him. He himself decided to do all of this. I tried to stop him at the beginning and he just continued. So why now am I the mean one here?” his voice was not soft, but it was not loud either. It was an authoritarian tone which surprised Sho more than maybe both expected.
“Then, why are you with both at the same time?” his question was so well made. And somehow Ohno did not find another way to explain the doubts he had in his mind regarding his boss.
“Even I don't know that…” he spoke sadly. There were tons of reasons, but every single one was just an excuse not to overcome his fears. “It started as a game. I never thought it would end up being this deep” that was the only answer he could find which did not seem as an excuse. His eyes glanced at Sho, who was observing him constantly. Suddenly, he sighed and sat on a chair, looking defeated after his words.
“This man… So are you serious about him?” that question hit Satoshi harder that he expected. Was he? How deep had Kazunari become for him? How should he answer that? He could not say neither yes nor no. Their relationship could not be considered as serious. Because if it were, they would be a couple and Ohno would not be married anymore.
“The only thing I know is that he's not a game for me, he's not my toy, but someone important for me” he pouted trying to handle the tears in his eyes. He was looking at the nowhere, being unable to maintain that strong gaze Sakurai had.
“You know? Kazunari is also important for me, that's why I don't want him to be hurt” the friend confessed before sighing and brushing his eyes. “He's always so carefree and he has already been so hurt because of that. Somehow I still try to protect him as if he were still a kid…” that man kept on the chair silently after those words which were wandering in Satoshi's head. Could it be that Kazunari had suffered in love? It was a new face he had not met yet. He wondered how it was. Carefree… Hurt… Kazunari who seemed the most prudent and immature man of that world. At least he had a good friend. Ohno was able to say Sho was a good friend. Otherwise, he would not have acted like that with him. Just when he said his name… Did he know him already?
“I can understand those feelings. But… what did Ninomiya tell you about us to have such an image of me?” Ohno asked hesitantly. He did not know where he was stepping with this person. He should be careful or his chance to know would be ruined. That was why his words were spoken softly, showing that his intentions were just pure curiosity.
Sakurai smiled. “He just did” his gaze was raised and slowly, he stood up. “What have you done to him?” his question could seem as something so negative, but when Ohno stared at his eyes, his pupils were showing amusement. The employee frowned strongly, what did he mean?
“What have I…?” his mouth did not know what to answer yet. Mostly because he did not know what he had done to his boss. It was more what Kazunari had done to him in any case. “I didn't-“
“You did, believe me. I've never seen Kazunari talking about someone as how he does with you” he spoke without doubting it a second. Was it okay? Would Ninomiya not be angry for uncovering such things? Satoshi gulped, saying each word Sho pronounced in his mind. How did he do it?
“What did he tell you?” the employee dared to ask, being scared of what answer could be. Was Sho someone nice to trust? Well, if Ninomiya chose him as he had done it with Jun, it was possibly because that man was worth it of his trust.
“How is it possible that I'm able to feel like this?” Sho curved his right commissure to show a naughty smile. Ohno frowned. What did that mean? Did he say what Ninomiya told him? Did his boss say such a thing? What was more important, how was he feeling? What did he mean with that expression? What was that about being able to? Was Kazunari unable to feel whatever he meant? Why? Why…?
“What are you trying by telling it to me?” he bit his lower lip, wondering why Sakurai was doing that at that moment, more when he had started to ask to be far away from his friend at the beginning. It lacked coherence and he wanted to find it to at least understand what was happening around him.
“Because I know how Kazunari can be sometimes” his amusement disappeared and he walked through the room to be near that man on the bed again. His hand caressed his hair softly. What did that mean?
“His name is Masaki, right?” Ohno changed the subject because somehow he knew the last one was already over and Sakurai would not say anything else regarding that.
“Yes, Aiba Masaki” his answer was brief as if it were a hard subject to talk about. At least he had to try it.
“What happened to him?” his question was so out of place, even Sho turned around to look at him and sigh. Maybe he had crossed the line and Ohno would understand it, whoever Aiba was, he seemed so important for both men. So he waited for his answer, whichever it was, until Sakurai started to talk.
“He is in a coma by a car accident we suffered almost one year ago” the friend explained enough to have a lot of new information about that person, and not only about Masaki, but new details were figured out.
“You?” Satoshi realized the plural in that sentence and he got goosebumps.
“Yes, Masaki, Kazunari and I” he nodded before sitting on a chair beside the bed to grab his hand. Satoshi widened his eyes. Had Kazunari had a car accident in the past? Was he okay about that?
“I'm so sorry to hear that…” he apologized, looking down, wondering why Ninomiya had to go through such an awful experience. Should he ask his boss about it when he would return? Somehow, by watching Sho's expression, he could say it had been really traumatic.
“It's okay, we are now just waiting for him to wake up as soon as possible, we never lose our hope he will someday” Sakurai showed a sad smile and Ohno could not help but feel horribly worried about that. Indeed, Ninomiya had suffered so much. And he felt so useless for being unable to calm that pain.
“He will, I'm sure really” Ohno nodded while smiling and the friend smiled him back with a grateful gaze.
“Thank you” then, after that, he returned to Aiba to grab his hand tightly. A silence was created and Ohno started to feel bad there, like disturbing because after all, he did not know anyone there. That was why knowing he had a lot of more new information, he decided to leave that room and let Sho be alone with his friend.
“I think I should go, it's been a pleasure meeting you” Satoshi bowed politely to both men there and when he looked back at Sakurai, this man had stood up to approach.
“Nice to meet you too. Take care of Kazunari” his serious voice made Ohno have goosebumps on his skin. Was he being asked to take care of his boss? They were nothing, then why would he…? Indeed, he had always been so well treated by Ninomiya no matter what. He wondered if he was doing it well too or if he was failing horribly. Because he did not feel as being taking care of that man. Mostly because Satoshi always ended up being the one cared when they were alone. So he wondered how he could do that. How he could do it properly, what Ninomiya deserved. The questions did not stop inside his mind.
Then, slowly he left the room and wandered around until finding the exit of the hospital. The blue sky was starting to be covered by some clouds and the city, which seemed brilliant and full of colour, started to be grey and dark. Ohno doubted if it could end up raining, he did not take an umbrella, luckily he had his car. So he walked absorbed in his thoughts to get in it and sigh, resting his head of the seat. He was tired, deadly tired that day. His brain could not accept all he started to know finally and he was scared of how much he could discover. Then, he looked behind and there it was yet. That jacket of Ninomiya he took the first day of his trip. Every time he needed to remember his boss somehow, he caught it and smelled it softly, his scent coming back for a few seconds. Slowly, his eyes turned out watery. How was it possible to miss him that much? When the most probable thing was that Ninomiya was completely okay without him. That his body was not suffering as his every time it felt hot. That his mind was okay without his presence. That he did not mind not having his kisses or hugs. That he could smile without having Ohno near. When meanwhile, the employee was unable to…
Full of frustration, he left the jacket behind again to drive to home, trying not to think about anything, but it was impossible. How could he? How could he need someone that badly? Maybe it was not only that necessity, but also the fear of what would happen when he would return, when his boss would be in front of him once again. They had planned a night together, but even like that Satoshi was so scared what they would do again. Because no matter if he knew that his wife deserved such a thing, his consciousness did not let him sleep in the nights. And of course everything would be easier if both of them were single, so if Satoshi fell in love, he would not mind trying it. Confessing. But at his current situation, it was the last thing he would do. That would only be the hardest thing to overcome. So it was better like this. Not realizing anything inside his heart and continue their thing called sexual acquaintances.
He did not have the right to fall in love again.
*****
That night was being hot. He did not know what else he should do to be able to sleep. His insomnia was being pretty hard and he knew the reason. The next day, Kazunari would come back and he was so nervous to meet him again after the whole month. Would he seem different or changed? Would he be as always with him, warm and affectionate? Or would he be cold again? No, they still had that night. That awaited night. He needed it to arrive already, his body felt already it was going to burst. He sighed and turned around his head to try another attempt, but he found his wife sleeping next to him and the uncomfortableness grew up inside of him. He was thinking about other man while having his wife by his side. Since when was he that deplorable? It seemed he had already forgotten his values and what was correct in life because it was impossible he would behave like that if he remembered what being a nice person was.
Now, knowing that sleeping would be completely impossible, he stood up slowly not to wake her up and caught his phone to go to the kitchen. There he prepared a glass of milk to see if that worked, tomorrow he had work early in the morning, he would seem a zombie at this pace. While he was drinking it, he checked his phone and suddenly, he found one message in the notification panel. He gulped, his eyes reading the name over and over again. His finger tapped on it and it was opened.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Hi, this was only to tell you that tomorrow I will arrive around the afternoon, but I will go later to the office. Stay there until I go.
His heart was pounding. They were going to be together again. It was like he could not believe it yet. It seemed a dream after wishing for it so much time. Slowly, he wrote an answer and, after rereading it several times, he sent it finally.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
Okay.
Only in the moment he did it, he regretted such an awful message. He was tired and nervous, but that was not an excuse to be that brief and rude. He sighed, it was done and it was impossible it would be replied back so he left his phone and continued drinking his hot milk. Ohno was lost in his thoughts when the phone vibrated and he almost spat the liquid in his mouth by the scare. His hand caught it to see what that was and indeed, Ninomiya had answered that horrible reply.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Are you okay?
It was as brief as his, but it was completely the opposite type of message. There he was again caring about him in any single way. Ohno smiled slightly, that question made him happy. Usually, there was no one asking it to him. So when Ninomiya did it, his stomach hurt by the happiness.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
Yes, I'm just tired because I can't sleep.
And you?
He asked back, not as a polite way to make the subject work out, but because he was interested in his condition, after all it had been a lot of time outside and just to only work the whole day. He truly hoped he had taken care of himself properly, otherwise Satoshi would scold him. And after a few seconds, the reply came.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Nervous?
I'm desiring to come back. I still need your hug.
The whole message made his heart be upside down. His boss knew him so well he could feel his nervousness was because of the next day even while being so far away. Instead, Satoshi was not right regarding him and his feelings. He was sure he was not missing him at all, but suddenly he wrote that. Needing his hugs… How true was that?
From:: Ohno Satoshi
Well…
You will have all the hugs you want.
He avoided completely the first question and just tried to focus on the second part to see what he could answer after. Also, he did not care sending that type of sentences. Not to Ninomiya. Quickly once more, the reply came.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Don't be nervous, I will treat you gently this time.
Let's see tomorrow. Now go to sleep, it's already late.
Satoshi gulped when he read the first part. He was going to be gently... His stomach hurt just by thinking about it. He just needed to sleep that night to see him again at the next. Ohno was overwhelmed by such a thing after one month only sending two messages everyday. But thanks to that, thanks to one month far away, thanks to be able to talk with him only like that, thanks to have known more of him and his surrounding, thanks to have found his wife's lies, Satoshi now had his mind clearer. What he wanted. What he did not want. What was hurting him. What made him happy. Everything was so clear now in his heart thanks to that trip that he would not hide how he felt anymore. At least not with one person. He could not. Because those feelings were already too strong to be hidden or forgotten.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
I will wait for it.
I'm not the only one who should be sleeping. Good night.
His fingers stopped writing to send it and left the phone on the table. He would have to wait for tomorrow to continue talking with him. Now, it was time to leave the glass on the sink and go to sleep. But when the phone was in his hand, it vibrated once more. Satoshi's heart beat stronger, how much did that man want to talk?
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Good night, Satoshi.
Indeed, his boss would always take advantage of any attempt to make him go crazy. Because he loved that, he loved to see Ohno disturbed and weak if he was who caused it and the employee knew it. That was why he had done so many things. Just to see his flushed face. Satoshi could say he hated those moments. However, it was impossible. He would be lying. Truly lying regarding how he felt when Ninomiya did all those dirty things to his body. No one had ever touched him like Kazunari did with his fluffy hands. No one had ever kissed him like Kazunari did, biting his lower lip when he was on the verge of his patience. No one had ever driven him as crazy as Kazunari did when they were alone and their bodies were like opposite magnets being attracted.
Ohno gulped by his thoughts. It was better to go to sleep. It was better to get in the bed, stay on the edge of it not to touch the other person and close his eyes, just in case his mind would be nice and would let him sleep at the first attempt. Of course, it did not. Nevertheless, images of Kazunari came to his mind. Soon he would meet him again. Soon he would be able to hug and kiss him again. Because Satoshi would without a doubt. Catching his cheeks and searching for his lips once again. How much did he crave for it? It was impossible that would be sane. He was indeed crazy. Crazy for that man in that short time since they had met. But Satoshi was okay like that, he was okay with his feelings, he was okay with starting to fall in love with a man. With his man.
//Hi! I almost forgot to post this one today xD I didn't know today was Friday 😐 Well. Let's continue. This time FINALLY we know about Nino! Just a little bit, thanks to Sho, who's taking care of Aiba~~~ Congratulations for the ones who guessed well 👌😌 I just loved writing Ohno as a spy with the computer and hospital I swear it xD I should write more of this LOL
Well, I hope you found this chapter more interesting and you're still hooked up by my fic >~<
Thanks for all the support! (I will answer all the comments soon, I promise T-T)
Pairing:: Ohno Satoshi/OC, Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Genre:: angst, romance, drama, office!au
Length:: chaptered
Word Count:: 6698 words
Rating:: PG-13
“But Ohno, what do you feel about him?” Jun asked straight, wanting a clear answer. And somehow if he had that, he would say it to stop having so many doubts and problems regarding his own feelings, but at that moment, his mind was blank. He could say nothing that it was a lie, however, he was not sure if he was feeling something hard towards Ninomiya. That was why he woke up every day wondering which the right answer was.
“I don't know” that was the most sincere answer he could say now for that question. However, Jun did not seem satisfied, so Ohno continued a bit more. “Indeed, I feel attracted, I like being beside him, but at the same time I don't know anymore what I feel” he sighed looking at the floor, frustrated and tired. It was too much to process, understand and live with lately, his mind was overwhelmed with all Kazunari was making him feel. That was why somehow he took that trip his boss had to do to be away from him and realize what was happening. Ohno craved for knowing how he would feel a month without him and a small part of himself prayed that everything would return to be as normal as always, that Ninomiya would come back and he would feel nothing. So everything would be easier. However, now the question about the most important thing was present. Would he be happy again? No matter how it might hurt, he was not sure his life would be as happy as before now that he had felt what Ninomiya could mean. His hugs, his kisses, his soft words. A slight smile appeared on his lips. Why was he missing already all of that? It seemed he would become crazy. Maybe he was just scared that it would have ended as fast as it had started. That nothing was going to be as before after returning from Sapporo. He was horribly scared. And only then he understood that nothing was scarier than love itself.
“Ohno… Are you okay?” his voice was a soft murmur. Then, Satoshi looked up to meet Jun's gaze and feel his wet eyes. Was that how it truly hurt? He pouted trying not to cry in the middle of the street, but unsuccessfully his weeping became noticeable when a strong man hugged him tightly. It was not the warmth he needed, but it was somehow comforting his lonely, cold heart. And that was enough to get that his hands grabbed his suit jacket to sob shyly. Slowly, Satoshi embraced Jun tighter until he ended up cuddling up in his arms.
“Thank you” he was so grateful for having done that even if he had not asked for it. It was truly helping him to overcome that hard loneliness he had now surrounding his soul. Somehow, he felt lucky for having found such a person as Jun. Maybe he was building a so-great opinion regarding that man, he should not have to forgot what he did in the past, but for some reason, Jun seemed sincere when they broke the hug and patted his shoulder.
“Fight for your own happiness. Sometimes we need to be a bit selfish to find it” he spoke seriously, looking straight at Ohno's eyes. The latter looked down thinking about those words. More selfish than what he was being already? Could he do that? “Well, can you arrive well to your house?” he asked prudently. Satoshi was feeling that the alcohol was hitting him strongly, but he felt bad if that would mean to cause Jun more troubles. He only nodded distracted by the upset mood he started to be suddenly. “I don't know if you try to end in the hospital again” Matsumoto sighed bothered and made him turn around to push him until where his car was parked. Somehow, Ohno did not mutter even a single word. He was right after all.
The rest of night was blurred in his mind. Sleeping in the car, arriving home and sleeping again in his bed. He remembered his wife only when he entered the house stinking by the alcohol and she was already scolding him. Nothing else was recalling by him in the morning, just a strong headache by drinking that hard. His sigh was heavy when he sat on the bed. His eyes glanced at his side, at that woman who told him everyday that she was in love with him. Perhaps was that a lie? Why did she get married with him then? If she liked men too much, then why did she not stay free not to cheat on anyone at least? He could not understand her anymore. He was unable to trust her again. The person he believed in. It seemed a stupid joke.
Then, after that, he started a monotony of working again everyday without having Ninomiya near. So somehow he returned to his concentrated work and good reputation as employee. But this time was different. Life did not seem as before. Because he was waiting for a person in that office, he was waiting to receive orders or to send documents to have an excuse to talk to that man. But also, in the company, Matsumoto and he started to build a nice friendship during work or the recesses to eat lunch. Satoshi discovered a nice person he thought he would never get along with. Then, when he had to come back to home, he did not stay that long working alone, but went to drink with Jun to talk and sometimes sent some messages to Ninomiya, who was interested in his condition everyday. Unluckily, those chats did not last more than 10 messages in total. Ohno could not refuse he was frustrated by such a thing happening between them, but at the same time, he did not freak out too much because everyday that message arrived. He knew that as long as every night he would receive that how are you?, he did not have to worry. The problem came after, though. Arriving home to find that shameless woman trying to seem yet as his perfect wife. He did not know why he was still there handling such a behaviour. It was disgusting.
His life did not seem as changing because he just tried to keep that monotony, but indeed something was missing. Those days which always seemed the same were not what he liked anymore. He was not satisfied already. Until one day, finally something enjoyable happened again. That thing which Ohno needed to be free by that monotony. One day, three weeks after Ninomiya's trip started, he was in his free day, lazing around home just painting that drawing he was still working on. Suddenly, his phone started to ring. His hand caught it carelessly and picked it up without checking who was because his gaze was fixed in that drawn man.
“Yes?” he answered still mesmerized by such wonderful shape and warm feeling. His body felt nice just by recalling with his mind and observing with his eyes.
“Hi, Satoshi” that voice. That voice again. Ohno felt goosebumps all over his skin. He gulped nervously. What should he answer? He was blank, paralyzed. Excited.
“N-Ninomiya…” his lips pronounced his name softly after so much time. He bit his lower one feeling horribly attracted again. His body was crazy just by hearing his voice. Of course, the painting in front of him was not the best to have a cold mind.
“I’m sorry for calling you this suddenly, but I need you to send me some papers I have left in home” Kazunari explained professionally. Ohno breathed in and out slowly, understanding it was a business call. He needed to be an employee. He had to be an employee. But… could he?
“There’s no problem, just indicate me and I can go now” he answered as polite as he could. His heart pounding in his chest did not help. His sweaty hands were almost dropping his phone. His heavy breath might be heard by the other side of the call. He was in the verge of panicking.
“Okay. Look I will tell the doorkeeper that you will go so he will open the door of my house. Then, you have to open the drawer which is under the TV. Take the red folder and send it to me as soon as possible” he explained step by step and Ohno tried to remember everything perfectly not to mess it up.
“Fine. I will tell you when it's sent” the employee answered back. Then, an uncomfortable silence appeared. A silence full of unsaid things. Satoshi bit his lower lip not to speak. Not to confess that he was missing him. Trying to act as just his employee was stealing his breath. Sometimes telling what he felt was hard, but also sometimes not saying it was harder. It was like it needed to leave his mind. Maybe because of the fear of not being unable to confess after. Was that his chance?
“Thank you. Then…” Kazunari sounded as wanting to hang up and just realizing it might be his last chance, his mouth moved by itself.
“Ninomiya” he did not think, he did not want to think, he hated thinking regarding his boss, because after all, with him, he did not need to for being happy. “You will come back soon, right?” he asked as a way to keep him at the other side of the phone. Just his voice was not enough, but at least he felt relieved when Ninomiya showed he wanted to stay there.
“Yeah, only five days to come back…” his boss replied with a happy tone in his cold voice. “…and see you again…” suddenly, he ended the sentence and Ohno widened his eyes feeling an imminent heart attack by that strong happiness in his chest, warming finally that soul, which had started to be frozen. His mouth was unable to speak. What could he answer to that? What was he supposed to answer? His hand grabbed the phone stronger, thinking it could be even broken if he continued like that. Slowly, his free one was raised to touch the dry paint on the canvas. To touch that hair which was softly drawn falling over those closed eyes. Something was squeezed inside of his stomach.
“I miss you…” those forbidden words were finally said. He found his courage to show that the last month had not been heaven for him. Ohno did not know he could miss someone that much. It seemed a nightmare, especially when his body needed a touch and it was impossible to get. When his lips wanted a kiss and he did not find those thin ones. When his hands wanted that pale, tender skin to touch and they became two fists. He did not know how he was still sane after three weeks already just by messages. He wondered if it was reciprocal. If Ninomiya felt the same.
“Promise me you will spend the very first night with me” his beg sounded needful, ended with a sigh. Maybe indeed, they both could not handle any second more being apart.
“I will. The whole night…” he assured with a shy smile on his lips.
“Until the morning” Ninomiya continued, probably enjoying it as Satoshi was doing too. He would love to make it real at that exactly moment. His eyes were closed slowly to recall just a single kiss. “C’mon Satoshi, go for that folder” his voice was sweet. Ohno nodded silently.
“Right now, leave it to me” he said with a confident tone and the man at the other side giggled.
“Sure” both ended up laughing, but at least Ohno stopped when that last word meant the farewell. He looked at the screen of the phone and after two seconds, the call was hung up. His hands rubbed his face, victim of the frustration by not being able to change that. He just had to wait. And wait… But soon it would end, and then they would spend a whole night recovering all the lost time in that warm bed. He was craving for it already. Just five days more. He could…
*****
Finally, he was in Kazunari’s apartment. The doorkeeper was so nice to let him go inside, maybe he was close to Kazunari, his boss seemed as the typical man who got along with everyone even if he seemed rude and cold. Indeed he was nice and warm when he wanted. He would not be surprised if he was loved by everyone around him. Ohno wondered how many friends he had. Had he been popular in school? Had he been just a normal guy with a group? It could be any answer. After all, Satoshi realized once again he did not know him at all. His gaze was lowered when he left his suitcase on the floor, that hurt. Somehow knowing nothing about the man who was fucking him was kind of bothersome. And not because the fact of continuing being two strangers, but because of the fact of continuing being two strangers who felt too much for each other. Or at least in Ohno's case. So he wondered how it was possible. Needing an unknown so much. Somehow, he felt so stupid due to that reason. At least if they knew each other…
Ohno sighed, being in a sad mood already for such thoughts, that was why he opted for stopping them and did what Kazunari had asked him to. He approached the TV and kneeled on the floor to open the drawer, which was said. His hands moved different folders with tons of papers and suddenly, a red one appeared. However, when he caught it, a photo appeared under it. It was about three men. One of them was Kazunari himself, but the other two were unknowns. Slowly, when Satoshi stared more at them, he recognized one man. He was the one in the hospital. Possibly he could remember his face because his image on that bed shocked him more than he had thought. Unluckily, the remaining man was still unrecognized. The three of them were laughing, grabbing each other's shoulders with their arms. So they should be friends by how close they seemed. Satoshi grabbed it to look the back part. Surprisingly, there was something written.
June 17th, 2017. I'm sorry for what I did that day.
It was almost one year ago. He wondered what that meant. What did he do? Who to? What was that day? Ohno kept on looking at the photo, what would that mean? Should he ask when Ninomiya came back? Should he do that? He bit his lower lip, so indecisive and lost. He wanted to know, but at the same time he wanted Ninomiya to tell him without him asking. Only like that he would understand they had the confidence necessary to start to open up. But would it happen someday? Pitifully, he doubted it. Mainly, because he distrusted they would have such a treatment someday.
Slowly, he placed the photo on the drawer and closed it to stand up after with the red folder in his hands. He approached the printer Ninomiya had in his house and turned on the computer. That way he would be quicker and Satoshi did not think his boss would be bothered. That was why, he sat on the chair and took a lot at the screen, he had tons of programs. But a folder was highlighted. It was called Masaki. He wondered who that person was. Should he open it? He frowned, it was not his stuff or his computer. The curiosity was killing his sanity. Maybe just a glance was not bad…
He clicked on the folder and it was opened. Several photos appeared. Ohno chose one and Ninomiya appeared being hugged by a man. Coincidentally, that man was the one of the hospital. They seemed truly close. So he was called Masaki. Now, everything started to fix in his mind. Masaki was a good friend of Kazunari, that was why he was found crying in front of his bed. Could it be that the written phrase on the back part of the photo was related to the reason why Masaki ended up in a coma? He wondered that. What had happened between them? Now he truly wanted to know. It did not seem as an easy story.
Suddenly, the phone rang and Satoshi closed the window in a hurry by the scare. He looked who was and it seemed Kazunari had sent him a message asking about the time left to receive the documents. He sighed starting to work on them finally. After ten minutes, they were already in Ninomiya's email and Satoshi was being thanked by his work. Then, after ending such a matter, they did not talk more and the employee turned off the computer with a big sigh. What should he do? That month had been the hardest by far and his body was noticing it. Also, his mind. He did not know Kazunari became so important for him. He was his stress reliever. Whichever way they used, just a kiss was nice and enough to forget how difficult his life turned out so suddenly. He realized that after collapsing. How all his suffering inside faded away when Ninomiya kissed, hugged him…
He closed his eyes and breathed in and out slowly. Soon. So soon they would spend a night… And he desired it as the water in a hot day. And this time, his consciousness did not appear. After what his wife had done in the past, she did not deserve a single glimpse of trust already. He would not renounce to have Ninomiya already. Not because of such a woman. Then, why did he keep married with her? Maybe fear of what everyone would say. Their families. Their friends. The company. It was not that easy, not when everyone took them as the model couple, when everyone had astronomical expectations of them creating a family. And perhaps, noticing how that situation was more complicated than he thought at first made him doubt about the way he should take from now on. Living two lives because of his own benefit… Ohno felt himself as an scum. A big scum. And of course, because of what he was making Ninomiya live. Even if his boss decided to accept it.
The day of the hospital, when he was able to leave it, was perfect beside him and somehow he saw in Kazunari’s eyes the needed approval of continuing seducing him all he wanted. Slowly, he remembered all what happened there… Each kiss, hug, how they slept together, how Ninomiya took him to the bedroom again and they held hands. Everything seemed perfect… And suddenly, he recalled the number of the bedroom. Of that bedroom where he found Kazunari crying. 248. Should he go? He would only find that man sleeping. But somehow he had yet too many questions in his head. Maybe he was not in a coma. After all it was his supposition. He gulped and looked at the hour. Still midday. He stood up and caught his briefcase. He was too crazy lately.
*****
Entering the hospital, he searched for the elevator and tried to remember which floor it was. Unsuccessfully, he could not. So he just tried with the floor above the one he kept those days. At the second try, he found the hallway which contained that room number. Slowly, Ohno walked searching for it. When the door was in front of him, he gulped and knocked on the door cowardly. His hand grabbed the door handle and opened it slowly.
“Sorry for the intromiss-“ his words were cut off when he found another person there. Both looked at each other, amazed and lost. Satoshi frowned, his face was familiar. Possibly he was the third man in the photo… His mind was blank to find a reason about why he was there. Everything was messed up if the patient was not alone. Then, that man approached him to close the door behind him and after returned to observe his face.
“Hi. May I ask you who you are?” he asked politely and nicely, so much for how rude Satoshi had been by entering an unknown's room. Ohno could lie and run away from him, but his desire to know more about Kazunari was still too strong to waste that chance.
“Hi. I'm sorry for being this rude, I'm Ohno Satoshi, Ninomiya's employee” he bowed politely and that man widened his eyes. Weirdly, the unknown turned around and walked near the bed with that man still asleep. Ohno kept there, waiting for an answer or at least an order of leaving that room.
“So you are that employee…” he muttered, showing a serious face while looking at his friend.
“That?” Ohno asked so lost. Did he know him? Had Kazunari talked about him? Should he worry about what that man knew?
“I’m Sakurai Sho. Nice to meet you” Sho opted to say instead of answering. Ohno decided to make a step forwards and approach both men there. “So you are who's using Kazunari because your marriage doesn’t work, right?” that man spat so hastily that Ohno stopped every part of his body. Using? He was not using him. Not at all.
“Excuse me?” he sounded bothered and Sakurai looked at him.
“I would like to ask you to stop meeting him. If you're not happy with your wife, that's not Kazunari's problem. That's why-“
“I won't” Satoshi cut him off. No matter how rude he would sound or if he would worsen the situation. Indeed, that man looked at him truly bothered. “I’m not using him. He himself decided to do all of this. I tried to stop him at the beginning and he just continued. So why now am I the mean one here?” his voice was not soft, but it was not loud either. It was an authoritarian tone which surprised Sho more than maybe both expected.
“Then, why are you with both at the same time?” his question was so well made. And somehow Ohno did not find another way to explain the doubts he had in his mind regarding his boss.
“Even I don't know that…” he spoke sadly. There were tons of reasons, but every single one was just an excuse not to overcome his fears. “It started as a game. I never thought it would end up being this deep” that was the only answer he could find which did not seem as an excuse. His eyes glanced at Sho, who was observing him constantly. Suddenly, he sighed and sat on a chair, looking defeated after his words.
“This man… So are you serious about him?” that question hit Satoshi harder that he expected. Was he? How deep had Kazunari become for him? How should he answer that? He could not say neither yes nor no. Their relationship could not be considered as serious. Because if it were, they would be a couple and Ohno would not be married anymore.
“The only thing I know is that he's not a game for me, he's not my toy, but someone important for me” he pouted trying to handle the tears in his eyes. He was looking at the nowhere, being unable to maintain that strong gaze Sakurai had.
“You know? Kazunari is also important for me, that's why I don't want him to be hurt” the friend confessed before sighing and brushing his eyes. “He's always so carefree and he has already been so hurt because of that. Somehow I still try to protect him as if he were still a kid…” that man kept on the chair silently after those words which were wandering in Satoshi's head. Could it be that Kazunari had suffered in love? It was a new face he had not met yet. He wondered how it was. Carefree… Hurt… Kazunari who seemed the most prudent and immature man of that world. At least he had a good friend. Ohno was able to say Sho was a good friend. Otherwise, he would not have acted like that with him. Just when he said his name… Did he know him already?
“I can understand those feelings. But… what did Ninomiya tell you about us to have such an image of me?” Ohno asked hesitantly. He did not know where he was stepping with this person. He should be careful or his chance to know would be ruined. That was why his words were spoken softly, showing that his intentions were just pure curiosity.
Sakurai smiled. “He just did” his gaze was raised and slowly, he stood up. “What have you done to him?” his question could seem as something so negative, but when Ohno stared at his eyes, his pupils were showing amusement. The employee frowned strongly, what did he mean?
“What have I…?” his mouth did not know what to answer yet. Mostly because he did not know what he had done to his boss. It was more what Kazunari had done to him in any case. “I didn't-“
“You did, believe me. I've never seen Kazunari talking about someone as how he does with you” he spoke without doubting it a second. Was it okay? Would Ninomiya not be angry for uncovering such things? Satoshi gulped, saying each word Sho pronounced in his mind. How did he do it?
“What did he tell you?” the employee dared to ask, being scared of what answer could be. Was Sho someone nice to trust? Well, if Ninomiya chose him as he had done it with Jun, it was possibly because that man was worth it of his trust.
“How is it possible that I'm able to feel like this?” Sho curved his right commissure to show a naughty smile. Ohno frowned. What did that mean? Did he say what Ninomiya told him? Did his boss say such a thing? What was more important, how was he feeling? What did he mean with that expression? What was that about being able to? Was Kazunari unable to feel whatever he meant? Why? Why…?
“What are you trying by telling it to me?” he bit his lower lip, wondering why Sakurai was doing that at that moment, more when he had started to ask to be far away from his friend at the beginning. It lacked coherence and he wanted to find it to at least understand what was happening around him.
“Because I know how Kazunari can be sometimes” his amusement disappeared and he walked through the room to be near that man on the bed again. His hand caressed his hair softly. What did that mean?
“His name is Masaki, right?” Ohno changed the subject because somehow he knew the last one was already over and Sakurai would not say anything else regarding that.
“Yes, Aiba Masaki” his answer was brief as if it were a hard subject to talk about. At least he had to try it.
“What happened to him?” his question was so out of place, even Sho turned around to look at him and sigh. Maybe he had crossed the line and Ohno would understand it, whoever Aiba was, he seemed so important for both men. So he waited for his answer, whichever it was, until Sakurai started to talk.
“He is in a coma by a car accident we suffered almost one year ago” the friend explained enough to have a lot of new information about that person, and not only about Masaki, but new details were figured out.
“You?” Satoshi realized the plural in that sentence and he got goosebumps.
“Yes, Masaki, Kazunari and I” he nodded before sitting on a chair beside the bed to grab his hand. Satoshi widened his eyes. Had Kazunari had a car accident in the past? Was he okay about that?
“I'm so sorry to hear that…” he apologized, looking down, wondering why Ninomiya had to go through such an awful experience. Should he ask his boss about it when he would return? Somehow, by watching Sho's expression, he could say it had been really traumatic.
“It's okay, we are now just waiting for him to wake up as soon as possible, we never lose our hope he will someday” Sakurai showed a sad smile and Ohno could not help but feel horribly worried about that. Indeed, Ninomiya had suffered so much. And he felt so useless for being unable to calm that pain.
“He will, I'm sure really” Ohno nodded while smiling and the friend smiled him back with a grateful gaze.
“Thank you” then, after that, he returned to Aiba to grab his hand tightly. A silence was created and Ohno started to feel bad there, like disturbing because after all, he did not know anyone there. That was why knowing he had a lot of more new information, he decided to leave that room and let Sho be alone with his friend.
“I think I should go, it's been a pleasure meeting you” Satoshi bowed politely to both men there and when he looked back at Sakurai, this man had stood up to approach.
“Nice to meet you too. Take care of Kazunari” his serious voice made Ohno have goosebumps on his skin. Was he being asked to take care of his boss? They were nothing, then why would he…? Indeed, he had always been so well treated by Ninomiya no matter what. He wondered if he was doing it well too or if he was failing horribly. Because he did not feel as being taking care of that man. Mostly because Satoshi always ended up being the one cared when they were alone. So he wondered how he could do that. How he could do it properly, what Ninomiya deserved. The questions did not stop inside his mind.
Then, slowly he left the room and wandered around until finding the exit of the hospital. The blue sky was starting to be covered by some clouds and the city, which seemed brilliant and full of colour, started to be grey and dark. Ohno doubted if it could end up raining, he did not take an umbrella, luckily he had his car. So he walked absorbed in his thoughts to get in it and sigh, resting his head of the seat. He was tired, deadly tired that day. His brain could not accept all he started to know finally and he was scared of how much he could discover. Then, he looked behind and there it was yet. That jacket of Ninomiya he took the first day of his trip. Every time he needed to remember his boss somehow, he caught it and smelled it softly, his scent coming back for a few seconds. Slowly, his eyes turned out watery. How was it possible to miss him that much? When the most probable thing was that Ninomiya was completely okay without him. That his body was not suffering as his every time it felt hot. That his mind was okay without his presence. That he did not mind not having his kisses or hugs. That he could smile without having Ohno near. When meanwhile, the employee was unable to…
Full of frustration, he left the jacket behind again to drive to home, trying not to think about anything, but it was impossible. How could he? How could he need someone that badly? Maybe it was not only that necessity, but also the fear of what would happen when he would return, when his boss would be in front of him once again. They had planned a night together, but even like that Satoshi was so scared what they would do again. Because no matter if he knew that his wife deserved such a thing, his consciousness did not let him sleep in the nights. And of course everything would be easier if both of them were single, so if Satoshi fell in love, he would not mind trying it. Confessing. But at his current situation, it was the last thing he would do. That would only be the hardest thing to overcome. So it was better like this. Not realizing anything inside his heart and continue their thing called sexual acquaintances.
He did not have the right to fall in love again.
*****
That night was being hot. He did not know what else he should do to be able to sleep. His insomnia was being pretty hard and he knew the reason. The next day, Kazunari would come back and he was so nervous to meet him again after the whole month. Would he seem different or changed? Would he be as always with him, warm and affectionate? Or would he be cold again? No, they still had that night. That awaited night. He needed it to arrive already, his body felt already it was going to burst. He sighed and turned around his head to try another attempt, but he found his wife sleeping next to him and the uncomfortableness grew up inside of him. He was thinking about other man while having his wife by his side. Since when was he that deplorable? It seemed he had already forgotten his values and what was correct in life because it was impossible he would behave like that if he remembered what being a nice person was.
Now, knowing that sleeping would be completely impossible, he stood up slowly not to wake her up and caught his phone to go to the kitchen. There he prepared a glass of milk to see if that worked, tomorrow he had work early in the morning, he would seem a zombie at this pace. While he was drinking it, he checked his phone and suddenly, he found one message in the notification panel. He gulped, his eyes reading the name over and over again. His finger tapped on it and it was opened.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Hi, this was only to tell you that tomorrow I will arrive around the afternoon, but I will go later to the office. Stay there until I go.
His heart was pounding. They were going to be together again. It was like he could not believe it yet. It seemed a dream after wishing for it so much time. Slowly, he wrote an answer and, after rereading it several times, he sent it finally.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
Okay.
Only in the moment he did it, he regretted such an awful message. He was tired and nervous, but that was not an excuse to be that brief and rude. He sighed, it was done and it was impossible it would be replied back so he left his phone and continued drinking his hot milk. Ohno was lost in his thoughts when the phone vibrated and he almost spat the liquid in his mouth by the scare. His hand caught it to see what that was and indeed, Ninomiya had answered that horrible reply.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Are you okay?
It was as brief as his, but it was completely the opposite type of message. There he was again caring about him in any single way. Ohno smiled slightly, that question made him happy. Usually, there was no one asking it to him. So when Ninomiya did it, his stomach hurt by the happiness.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
Yes, I'm just tired because I can't sleep.
And you?
He asked back, not as a polite way to make the subject work out, but because he was interested in his condition, after all it had been a lot of time outside and just to only work the whole day. He truly hoped he had taken care of himself properly, otherwise Satoshi would scold him. And after a few seconds, the reply came.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Nervous?
I'm desiring to come back. I still need your hug.
The whole message made his heart be upside down. His boss knew him so well he could feel his nervousness was because of the next day even while being so far away. Instead, Satoshi was not right regarding him and his feelings. He was sure he was not missing him at all, but suddenly he wrote that. Needing his hugs… How true was that?
From:: Ohno Satoshi
Well…
You will have all the hugs you want.
He avoided completely the first question and just tried to focus on the second part to see what he could answer after. Also, he did not care sending that type of sentences. Not to Ninomiya. Quickly once more, the reply came.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Don't be nervous, I will treat you gently this time.
Let's see tomorrow. Now go to sleep, it's already late.
Satoshi gulped when he read the first part. He was going to be gently... His stomach hurt just by thinking about it. He just needed to sleep that night to see him again at the next. Ohno was overwhelmed by such a thing after one month only sending two messages everyday. But thanks to that, thanks to one month far away, thanks to be able to talk with him only like that, thanks to have known more of him and his surrounding, thanks to have found his wife's lies, Satoshi now had his mind clearer. What he wanted. What he did not want. What was hurting him. What made him happy. Everything was so clear now in his heart thanks to that trip that he would not hide how he felt anymore. At least not with one person. He could not. Because those feelings were already too strong to be hidden or forgotten.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
I will wait for it.
I'm not the only one who should be sleeping. Good night.
His fingers stopped writing to send it and left the phone on the table. He would have to wait for tomorrow to continue talking with him. Now, it was time to leave the glass on the sink and go to sleep. But when the phone was in his hand, it vibrated once more. Satoshi's heart beat stronger, how much did that man want to talk?
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Good night, Satoshi.
Indeed, his boss would always take advantage of any attempt to make him go crazy. Because he loved that, he loved to see Ohno disturbed and weak if he was who caused it and the employee knew it. That was why he had done so many things. Just to see his flushed face. Satoshi could say he hated those moments. However, it was impossible. He would be lying. Truly lying regarding how he felt when Ninomiya did all those dirty things to his body. No one had ever touched him like Kazunari did with his fluffy hands. No one had ever kissed him like Kazunari did, biting his lower lip when he was on the verge of his patience. No one had ever driven him as crazy as Kazunari did when they were alone and their bodies were like opposite magnets being attracted.
Ohno gulped by his thoughts. It was better to go to sleep. It was better to get in the bed, stay on the edge of it not to touch the other person and close his eyes, just in case his mind would be nice and would let him sleep at the first attempt. Of course, it did not. Nevertheless, images of Kazunari came to his mind. Soon he would meet him again. Soon he would be able to hug and kiss him again. Because Satoshi would without a doubt. Catching his cheeks and searching for his lips once again. How much did he crave for it? It was impossible that would be sane. He was indeed crazy. Crazy for that man in that short time since they had met. But Satoshi was okay like that, he was okay with his feelings, he was okay with starting to fall in love with a man. With his man.
//Hi! I almost forgot to post this one today xD I didn't know today was Friday 😐 Well. Let's continue. This time FINALLY we know about Nino! Just a little bit, thanks to Sho, who's taking care of Aiba~~~ Congratulations for the ones who guessed well 👌😌 I just loved writing Ohno as a spy with the computer and hospital I swear it xD I should write more of this LOL
Well, I hope you found this chapter more interesting and you're still hooked up by my fic >~<
Thanks for all the support! (I will answer all the comments soon, I promise T-T)