「The Tear Of Joy」《Chapter 7》
Title:: The Tear Of Joy
Pairing:: Ohno Satoshi/OC, Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Genre:: angst, romance, drama, office!au
Length:: chaptered
Word Count:: 7363 words
Rating:: PG-13
“Ohno, do you like me?” that forbidden question arrived finally. Satoshi only smiled bitterly and lowered his gaze to close his eyes and breath heavily. He was trying so hard not to cry. He was truly attempting not to shed even a single tear. And maybe it was just because he knew so well the answer and he had to lie to Ninomiya. How could he say the truth if he was married? What was more, how could he say something like that to a man who was possibly only wanting him to fuck? He was such naïve person who believed any nice words he heard. He believed any good speech or any desirable wish a person could say to him. Then, what shocked him was that Ninomiya had never used nice words to take him to the bed, what was more he had always talked to him so rudely, tried to stop him several times and also, done everything he disliked. So how could he believe in his boss that much? He raised his gaze, completely lost about that. How could he feel something so strong about someone as Ninomiya?
“There's no way” he laughed in order to hide his real emotions. “We are just… sexual acquaintances, right?” his smile was fake and forced, he gave his best, but Ninomiya discovered it with his thumb rubbing his lower lip gently.
“Isn’t there a way I can be your first option someday?” abruptly, Ninomiya asked that weird thing, sincerity filling his gaze and voice until the limit of overwhelming the employee. Ohno realized how blind his boss was, not noticing how many times he had already chosen him before his wife. Kazunari had become the place he wanted to belong to someday. No matter how difficult it seemed at that moment, Satoshi was dreaming with that possibility, just in case…
Slowly, Satoshi approached and kissed his lips weakly, their skins were not almost touching. When it ended, their foreheads kept together. “Maybe you are already” Ohno muttered, looking down while being unable to bear that strong gaze of Ninomiya. Finally, he felt two shy hands trying to reach his waist to start a weak hug. “Maybe you have always been my first option…” he muttered while resting his forehead on his shoulder, noticing for first time how Ninomiya could mean for him more than anyone actually.
As result for his words, his confession, his boss brushed his hair slowly, tenderly. Delicacy filling his soul. And as if they had not seen each other for months, Satoshi fulfilled another of his whims, being hugged and protected by him again. Ohno grabbed his shirt as his nose smelt his scent from his neck. He would pay millions to kiss it again. That was why he could not let that chance to end and his lips touched his neck slightly. The embrace became tighter, having two strong arms around his body, giving him the warmth and peace he needed. Then, his boss kissed his hair. “You should go home and rest” Ninomiya muttered after, being so soft and careful. Ohno could not help but smile secretly after hearing those words. He was happy. Truly happy to be cared by him.
“I don’t want to go home” his childish voice was evident, wanting to keep by his side a while more. Knowing that Ninomiya would try to make him go back home, he was faster and raised his face to search for his lips. Satoshi needed to prove his boss would follow him again, no matter what he had said in the past. After all, he did not know him as well as being sure about it, and somehow, he was unable to take it for granted. More when Ninomiya stopped him. Their gazes crashed into a doubtful atmosphere. Ohno could say that his boss was still so affected by his behaviour. Why was he feeling horribly frustrated?
“I need to think if I should continue this game. Now, go home, please” his words allowed to show his insecurity and a glimpse of a beg. His face was serious, even sad and lost, no matter how hard he was trying to keep that fake mask on it. Satoshi was able to see under it. That was why, he decided to give him time, after all he had been the one who had messed their relationship up. That was the price he had to pay then. Ohno made two steps backwards to create a cold space between them and looked at him for last time. Maybe checking if he was sure about his decision. Ninomiya was walking already to his chair so the employee gave up after such a movement. His feet exited his office and went straight to the elevator, he was defeated for some reason. Were they not only sexual acquaintances? Then, why were there so many emotions in the middle? Because at this point, not just Ohno's were interfering with the idea of only fucking, but also Ninomiya's appeared too. And that was what ruined Ohno's sanity completely.
*****
No matter if he had tried to sleep a while, every time he felt someone else in the bed, he felt a pressure inside his chest. It was horrible, like if a knife was stabbed and someone was moving it slowly. And what was the worst, nobody could take it out and heal it. Satoshi allowed himself to sleep on the limit of the mattress so any part of his body would not touch her. He wanted to know the exact reason, but everything was still a mess in his mind after the office meeting with his boss. That moment seemed so real yet. Those lips kissing him or those arms hugging him, Ohno could still recall his warmth. And he was crazy for feeling it once again. Should he search for it? Should he not care about his wife anymore to focus only on sorting it out with Kazunari? Was he that despicable with people? He had been grown up as a humble person, who always looked after the rest with kind behaviour and nice words, then why was he being so selfish and mean now? He desired to hate himself, to be unable to look at his own face through the mirror, but no matter what, every morning, he woke up to go to the bathroom and glance at his eyes. That glimpse of sadness was still there, inside his pupils, showing how overwhelmed he was by the pressure. The pressure of cheating on everyone, of being a liar and what was more, a manipulator. How could he treat such important people like that?
Ohno grabbed the sink, feeling his eyes burning by the tears, full of lies and a double life. That was more than what he could handle. It needed to end. He needed to end it.
*****
As every normal day, finally he could return to his company as a normal employee and even before coming inside of the building, some acquaintances were already asking for his condition. Ohno, no matter how he believed he did not deserve such kind treatment, smiled and answered politely with a “I'm fine, thanks”. Several people stopped him inside to ask the same and Satoshi only seemed a robot programmed to say the same over and over again. Suddenly, when his eyes looked around while talking with another man, they found Ninomiya looking at him. He did not stop or approach, just glanced at him and continued his path to the elevator. Ohno felt again that pain inside his stomach, the need to vomit. Just because their gazes had crashed.
Satoshi decided to answer briefly and go to the floor where his office was. He was nervous, not because of joining the team again, but because of meeting him once more. He had never felt more coward than with Ninomiya. And he could think it was because of how he imposed, but indeed, it was due to his hard feelings. Ohno was so scared of what he felt inside every time they were close. And when he reached his desk, having a few people asking him, no matter how he controlled it, in the moment he raised his eyes and found that man looking at him from the door, his heart was upside down.
Suddenly, Ninomiya clapped his hands and called everyone's attention. Satoshi got scared by that abrupt sound and his face seemed even more nervous. He tried to avoid him by just sitting on his chair, when everyone was stood up, and writing notes on a paper. “Everyone, pay attention to me” he said and the rest of his coworkers did not disobey him, only Satoshi kept on his world. “Ohno, you're included too” suddenly, Kazunari said and the employee searched for a hole to hide in forever. He only wanted to be unnoticed and he got the opposite, the whole office was looking at him. Especially one person.
Ohno only stood up and made as listening. “Today, I will go on a trip to Sapporo. There, I will try to get new business with important managers so I will leave this department on everyone's hands for the next month I will be outside. I'll send you instructions via email and by phone, any doubt or problem, tell me. I want to come back and see I have employees worthy of being here, okay?” Kazunari informed with authoritarian voice. Everyone was praising and giving him good words, sending him luck and accepting that step, but there was a man who was still, breathless, who could not say even a single word. “Then, I will excuse myself because I have to take the plane now. Give your best!” he ended the brief meeting and walked to his office.
“K- Ninomiya!” suddenly, a trembling man called his name in the middle of that site full of people, who seemed shocked and interested in why he had called him like that. The boss turned around while frowning and asked what happened. “I… I still have to deliver some documents” he said, being lucky of having the power of thinking good excuses quickly.
“Okay, come to my desk, but be brief” he accepted and Ohno reacted at the next second, taking some random papers over his desk and approaching the door between curious people, muttering things Ohno did not want to listen at all. Being fed up with all of them, he closed the door and just at that moment, he found himself alone with him again. “C'mon, give me that” Kazunari said in a hurry, tearing them off from his hands when Satoshi kept still in front of him. After five seconds, when Ninomiya discovered those papers were not even important documents to deliver, he looked at his employee with annoyed eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me?” his voice showed how angry he was and how fast that moment was going to end, that was why Ohno gulped and opened his mouth.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” he asked, sounding offended. His boss raised his eyebrows like being surprised.
“Perhaps should I?” he answered even more bothered than before. Ohno just continued in the same state of shock as before.
“Why? Why a month? Why so far away?” his words just kept on leaving his mouth without a filter. His eyes stared at Kazunari, stronger than never.
“It's my job” Ninomiya replied, maybe more confused now than angry. Slowly, not knowing why or how, Satoshi found the courage to approach enough to catch those papers, break them and throw the pieces to the floor.
“Fuck your job” his voice was higher than before. Only after that, his arm was grabbed by a strong hand and Satoshi looked at that cute, disturbed face.
“You’re crossing the limits” Ohno did not matter about that warning, he moved his arm hastily to set it free. Why was he so angry? He could not find the why, only that heat inside of him was making him do all of those unforgettable things. So he stayed in silence, knowing he could not say anything and pretend to have reason, not in a moment like that. He breathed deeply to calm down and closed his eyes just for five seconds. What was he doing? He was behaving like a child. So immature and spoiled. And the worst was that he liked being spoiled by Ninomiya, getting all he wanted from him as easy as breathing. He wondered why Kazunari always ended up giving it to him. And if he was going to stay just because he did not like the idea of going away. But, could he try such a thing? Did he have the right to control his life?
“I'm sorry…” those were the last words he spoke before turning around and making a step to the door so he would get out of there and just hide in his bubble. However, he was stopped by two hands grabbing his waist and pushing him backwards, his back crashing with a warm torso. Satoshi was speechless. Was Kazunari trying to be together before going to Sapporo?
“Don't make me go with the concern that I leave you sad, please” the boss muttered beside his ear, his voice showing a glimpse of anxiety in it. Ohno looked down, finding two hands grabbing his clothes tightly and he could not help but take them into his and rub his skin tenderly. Slowly, he turned his head to the side Kazunari was placing his and their gazes met in that tense ambient. One of his hands was raised to caress his cheek and without a doubt, his boss kissed his lips. Ohno closed his eyes, enjoying it for last time until the next month, and turned around completely to hug his neck, needing that closeness their bodies were experienced again. He felt how his back was covered by two hands which attracted him more and more, how his fingers brushed his soft hair while kissing, how his lips were being sucked and kissed over and over again by that hungry man. How he knew at that moment that he would truly miss him.
“How much time do you have now?” suddenly, Satoshi asked, breaking the kiss and staying almost with their mouths touching each other. Of course he meant that, he could not imagine a month being away, that was why his body was urging his attention.
“In one hour, I have to be in the airport and I have to stop in my apartment before” he kissed him after that, maybe trying to avoid the harsh meaning behind those explanations, but Ohno was clever and he got the rejection.
“If you had told me, I would have spent the night with you…” he muttered, embarrassed by it, but it was the truth. Satoshi would have spent the whole night surrounded by Kazunari on that bed during hours. Because he desired it more than anything else.
“No, you stayed in the place you're meant to be” his boss replied with a husky voice. Ohno bit his lower lip, that was not the truth. His place was with Ninomiya, no matter which their circumstances were. But how could he say that? There was no way he was able to say such a thing that easily.
“But now we don't have time…” he complained as a kid, pouting not to show his true emotions and Kazunari caught his chin to tilt his head and kiss his neck. Abrupt shivers crossed his spine, making him melt in his arms. He was so weak he hated and loved it.
“Time for what?” he bit his lobe and licked his jawline. Satoshi knew he was playing with his words as always, but at that moment his mind was frozen, his body only needed that man so badly.
“Don't make me say it…” he was flushed and looked down when an amused gaze stared at him. Suddenly, Ninomiya smiled and Satoshi wondered why, what was funny. Actually, he frowned and gained a kiss by him.
“When I will come back” Kazunari rubbed their noses and Ohno caressed his cheek, feeling in a cloud by that sweetness which appeared once again finally. He could not resist the relief inside of him by knowing that Kazunari could be as kind as in the hospital and his lips searched for his boss's ones. He wanted to enjoy until the last second. Exactly when Ninomiya's phone rang and he did a step backwards to pick it up. “Now? Yes, wait for me” he talked with the other person through the phone and then, hung up. It was placed into his pocket and Ninomiya returned with Satoshi.
“You have to go, right?” the employee guessed just by the brightness in his eyes. Kazunari only nodded and somehow seemed disappointed. “I will work hard here, leave at ease” his hand caressed his cheek softly and Ninomiya smiled warmly.
“I know, be my eyes, okay?” the boss rubbed their noses and pecked his lips. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door and both separated as two springs. Then, Satoshi's coworker, Matsumoto, entered the office and opened a bit his mouth speechlessly because Ohno was flushed in the middle of the room and Kazunari was taking his stuff. “It's fine Ohno, you only have to redo the documents and send me via fax” he invented an excuse for Ohno's face and the broken papers on the floor. “And you, Matsumoto? What do you want?” his voice was severe, probably he was still jealous of him for such messages and invitation. Ohno sighed while catching the broken papers, he would never change.
“The contract of Mr. Okada has just arrived” he showed a paper and Ninomiya approached him quickly to take it and put it into his briefcase.
“Perfect. Now, I'm leaving” he said before going out of his office in a hurry, when Satoshi raised his gaze, he was not there anymore, just his coworker with suspicious eyes. It was impossible to refuse he was deeply disappointed, but he needed to hide it, after all that person in front of his gaze was truly interested in their relationship.
“Ohno, are you okay?” Matsumoto asked hastily. Satoshi would never have imagined that he was going to ask him such a question after discovering them like that. That was why he only stood up to throw the pieces into the trash bin. Just at that moment, he saw Ninomiya's jacket on his chair and Ohno caught it, thinking that maybe he was on time yet to return it. But instead, his coworker stopped him.
“Don't use a simple jacket to run after him” Jun spat frowning. Then, not to show how right he was, he placed it on the coat rack.
“Not your business, Matsumoto” he tried to leave the office and continue with his work, but Jun refused to set aside and closed the door behind him. Satoshi was amazed by such impolite move and his mood started to be disturbed.
“Luckily, it was me who came inside because you two were pretty evident” he explained and Ohno knew they had been too reckless at that moment and that maybe they had been lucky for having being figured out by Matsumoto instead of by another person. That could have been their own end.
“And what? It's our problem” he noticed he was not rejecting the idea of them being too close in the middle of their job, but for what? Satoshi knew perfectly how aware Jun was about their secret meetings and their purpose, so he was too tired like to try to convince him about the opposite.
“Okay. But we still have to talk” his coworker reminded him and Satoshi looked at him interested. What did they have to talk about? “This night in Remedy's?” he asked straight. Ohno did not think about it twice, he needed to know what was so important.
“At 8 pm” he accepted and finally, he could go out and return to his desk. He sat on his chair, trying to seem as normal as possible and work all he had left undone. However, he was really curious, his eyes followed Jun when he walked in front of him or he looked at the clock, feeling impatient to be at that club and know what he had to say.
*****
The hour arrived and he was already turning off his computer and picking up his things to go at the meeting place when his phone suddenly vibrated. His first thought was a message from Jun saying he could not go, but against all odds, he found his boss name on the screen. Ohno got paralyzed by such weird thing to receive and he doubted if he should open it. His eyes glanced at the hour and realized he had time to answer, so he tapped it and the message was shown.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
I've just arrived at Sapporo. It's damn cold here. I would like your hugs now.
His mouth ended up open too evidently after reading the end of his message. He blinked several times, probably thinking he was just dreaming or he read wrongly some word. But no. It was written letter by letter. He started to panic, such nice words were impossible to be for him. Maybe he was flirting with another person and he mistook the contact. Yes, he was calmed now he found the reason of it. But at the next second, he felt a hard jealousy inside of him. Who would be the other person? He sighed, what was wrong with him? Being jealous of him… He had no right, that was why he turned off his phone and decided to go. However, one thing caught his attention before leaving the office. The jacket Ninomiya had left behind on his chair. Ohno thought it would get dirty there during a month and took it with him; he would save it until his boss would come back.
Even if he had to drive, he could not stop thinking about those words. What would happen if it was for him? He smiled bitterly. It was impossible that Ninomiya would say something like that. Less to him. Because they were sexual acquaintances. Because they did not have any type of feeling regarding each other. Right?
Ohno arrived at the club, which he knew just because in his company was pretty popular, but not because he had gone personally like that day. It seemed more like a nightclub to get drunk and find someone to spend the night, however Satoshi did not care and tried to find Matsumoto instead. After a few seconds looking around, he saw a businessman sat on a stool while drinking a kind of cocktail. Ohno approached and sat by his side without greeting him. They did not have enough confidence yet to seem mates. The employee only asked for a drink and kept in silence until Jun decided to start a chat.
“I just want to confirm it, are you two having an affair?” he asked straight, without doubting it. And Satoshi knew he had three options. Admitting it, rejecting it or keeping silent. Nevertheless, he ended up reaching the conclusion that if he wanted to know, he had to be frank.
“Kind of, yes” he drank a great part of his glass and sighed, not knowing what he was doing or saying. That was why he turned around to look at Jun.
“Why? And your wife?” he spoke frowning, looking pretty lost about his behaviour and Ohno would not blame him, because any man would love to be in his shoes, of course because everything seemed so beautiful from outside. But from inside, he was living the unhappiest life and Ninomiya provided him that adrenaline he needed.
“Look, no fairy tail is perfect. Everything has hidden shits. My life is a shit. And my wife… The only person who makes it better is him” Satoshi confessed it like if they had been best friend for years. Indeed, that opening up was so weird in him, but maybe he needed someone who was willing to listen to him regarding Ninomiya.
“Then, why aren’t you getting divorce to be with him?” Matsumoto asked surprised, but Ohno was the most amazed one. Why did it seem so easily? He hated that.
“Because two men can't be together, I have to stay with my wife and he has to only act as my boss” he clarified, no matter how painful it resulted at the end. It was the truth.
“Then, isn't it a revenge of the past?” abruptly he asked and Satoshi frowned deeply. What did he mean? Why would he want to do a revenge? Why against his wife? He shook his head taken aback by his awkward question and Jun seemed so troubled and nervous. He drank a few times and started to sweat.
“Are you okay?” Ohno worried about him because his body reacted in a way he was not expecting at all. Matsumoto rubbed his face and sighed deeply.
“I wonder why I mess up everything this easily…” he seemed so troubled that Satoshi felt bad about him, so much he patted his shoulder and tried to find a way to help him.
“Don’t say that, what's wrong?” maybe his tone was too friendly or maybe he was trying to make him feel better, but somehow both of them got relaxed in that tensed environment and the conversation started to go more fluent.
“That’s what I wanted to tell you…” his words sounded regretful. No matter what, Ohno could not be more curious about what was happening. “I know your wife since we were in the university” he started and Ohno disliked even that sentence. Mostly because his wife had not told him anything. “We were good friends and one day she got so close to me. I truly did not know she was your girlfriend by then, that's why we started something like a relationship. Or at least that was what I thought because one day she appeared with a ring on her hand, forgot me and I discovered that you two had been a couple for several years already. At first, I felt so angry with you, because I thought you had stolen her from me, but after talking with her friends, I realized I had been fooled by her. And that you were just her victim” Jun finished his story and Satoshi was in a hard shock after hearing such words. Was that possible? Had his wife been cheating on him even before compromising? How many men had she stayed with behind his back? The betrayal inside of him was so big he needed to vomit. His stomach was hurting and feeling so sick. However, he kept on his stool.
“And why do you tell me this now?” he asked with his gaze lost in the alcohol of his glass. His voice was so low it was possible Jun had not been able to hear him. Surprisingly, he got an answer back.
“Because I thought you found it recently and you wanted to take revenge. I wanted to tell you that our affair wasn't important and that she loves you” he clarified. Satoshi only smiled, attempting to laugh, because it seemed the worst joke of his whole life. But he could not. Only his eyes reacted being watery and his stomach being upside down.
“I didn’t know that my wife was this promiscuous. Because she is having an affair with another man right now” Ohno confessed as he could before standing up and running to the toilet. He needed to vomit so hard. And he did. He doubted the alcohol was the guilty one here. That was why he stayed sat on the floor beside the WC and the tears started to fall from his eyes. How stupid could he be? How many times had he been fooled by such horrible woman? She was not his wife anymore. He could not accept a person like her near him. It was impossible she loved him. Then, why did she marry him? Why did she choose to have a husband to destroy? How awful could she be? Now everything started to fix. Her behaviour was now evident. How blind had he been during these years? Now there was no mistake regarding what she deserved.
Hastily, scaring him a bit, his phone started to vibrate constantly. It was a call. He doubted if he should even check who was, but without thinking, his hand caught it to find a name on the screen, above the text of incoming call. It was weird of him to call like this so he got worried and picked it up, trying his best to hide how he was crying. “Ninomiya?” his husky voice did not lie as he would have loved.
“Why haven't you answered my message?” his voice sounded like a mix of concern and anger. Ohno preferred to remember the worry in his words first. And just then, he realized the meaning of that question. The message was indeed for him.
“So it was for me…” he thought out loud, controlling as he could his desire to sob. The pain became much more unbearable and he felt a horribly desire of having him by his side. But more horrible was the fact that he was alone in a toilet of a club and Kazunari was several hundreds of kilometers away from him. His body needed his arms around his torso, or his soft kisses. How Kazunari got to calm him down so easily with a hug or his caresses. However he did not have anything of that and he felt empty, lonely. He had never felt so in need of someone like that night.
“Of course it was for you! There's no one else I can say such things!” Ninomiya answered bothered by his naïve behaviour. And somehow, Ohno could not anymore and he sobbed slightly. He prayed that he could not have heard it. Nevertheless, he was so stupid to think Ninomiya was not clever enough to notice it. “Ohno? Ohno, are you crying?” his voice seemed even afraid of his condition. He tried to talk as fast as possible to calm him, but only more sobs came out instead of words. He could not stop. After all, just Kazunari looked as caring about him. “Satoshi, what happens?” his boss tried again. No matter how many times he had said his name already, he loved how it sounded, how private they felt, how he desired to hear it every morning while waking up. And Satoshi found himself crying because of that and not because of his wife.
“You’re not the only one who needs a hug” he could say after breathing deeply. Maybe that confession was out of place for someone as Kazunari, but he needed to hear it back, what his boss had confessed then. How when he was cold, he needed his hugs. And just at that moment, he was able to recall how warm he felt in his arms. Slight shivers fulfilled his back, reaching his torso, arms and neck, producing goosebumps around his body. He cuddled up on the floor, closing his eyes while waiting an answer. His mind wondered which type of sentence Kazunari would say back.
“Are you cold too?” after long seconds, only that came and Satoshi understood its meaning completely. Everything had to be hidden. Even between them.
“Yeah, it's cold here too…” his reply was vague while his weeping was disappearing and his tiredness started to be hard in him. His free arm hugged his own waist searching for warmth. For his warmth. Because he missed it. He missed him way too much.
Suddenly, he heard knocks on the door. “Ohno, are you okay?” the other person asked him and without a doubt, that voice was Matsumoto's one. At that moment, he felt so troublesome because he did not know what to answer; he was not okay, but it was impossible he would admit that Kazunari had the fault. So he just opted to lie.
“Yes, don't worry. Go back, I will return soon” Satoshi tried to sound okay, his voice being quite hesitant, however, Jun seemed as believing him because the employee listened to steps going away. Nevertheless, he came back to the call and a heavy sigh was evident.
“Are you with someone else?” Ninomiya did not mind asking at all. His words were clear and the question simple. Just a yes or no to answer, then why was Satoshi so scared to reply? Maybe he was doubting how he would take that. His boss had always been so jealous regarding Jun since he discovered he was the person threatening him, so Ohno did not want more problems added.
“Actually yes… But I will go back home as soon as possible” he tried to sound as convincing as his voice allowed him, however he heard how Ninomiya clicked his tongue and unconsciously, his desire to calm him down appeared harshly into his chest.
“You don't have to give me any explanation” suddenly, such a comment was said and the atmosphere turned heavy and full of tension. Ohno widened a bit his eyes, feeling how his heart was being squeezed and it could not beat anymore. The pain was way too much just because of the simple fact it was 100% true. That was why he stayed silent, having a mix of emotions inside of him. “Well, that's all. Good night” huskily, the farewell arrived and Ohno felt unable to hang up that soon. Not when both were being so tense with each other.
“Ninomiya” he called him just on time. He heard how his boss stayed at the other side of the phone, waiting for the reason of that calling. But Satoshi gulped, not knowing what to say. “I… Well…”
“I’m tired, be quick” Ninomiya was disturbed, so much that only four words could show how careful Ohno should be from now on. So no matter how stupid he might seem.
“It's nothing, go to sleep” his voice tried to seem okay, even nice and soft to see if Ninomiya got relaxed. The last thing he needed was being at unease with him now that everything seemed broken around him. At least, Satoshi needed his tender behaviour not to give up. He wondered how Kazunari ended up being that important after just a few days.
“Then… Good night, Satoshi” his voice did not sound bothered or angry anymore, but it was sad and forced. Maybe he did not want to hang up that early. Ohno did not want. He was missing him already, and it was just the first day. For sure he would end up being crazy at the 15th if he continued like that.
“Good night, take care” he added to see if he got an answer back. That would mean Ninomiya wanted to stay as much as him. He prayed to hear his voice instead of a whistle which would indicate the end of the call. So deep inside of him, he was yearning for just a single word more.
“You too, call me anytime if you need me” the replied arrived and Satoshi closed his eyes. That was actually more than what he was expecting or even wishing. No matter how many times they argued or how rude their words could be, Ninomiya was showing everyday how perfect he was. And that conquered Ohno's heart in a way which made everything harder.
“I will, thank you” he smiled, happily to know he could count on Kazunari.
“Bye” it seemed as a whisper which echoed inside of his ears strongly.
“Bye” Satoshi said goodbye too, hating that to be sincere, but it was time to hang up and just when his finger was doubting if it should press the red button, the call was cut automatically. He sighed deeply, that loneliness coming again. So before he would feel so down once more, he stood up, put his phone in his pocket and got out of the cabin to return with his coworker, Matsumoto. He sat on the stool again, knowing a person was staring at him, but he only took his glass and drank it by once. He closed his eyes hard, feeling his throat as burning, but also the heat in his stomach and a sudden energy surrounding his being.
“Another” he asked the bartender. Slowly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and only then, his head was turned by Jun's side to find him with worried expression. However, before letting him talk Satoshi smiled sadistically. “You know? Only you know about Ninomiya and I” he giggled, possibly already feeling the alcohol effect. “And I need someone to talk to” his eyes were quite watery at that point noticing how alone he was. Decisively, he turned around to Jun, leaning his elbow on the bar and then his head on his hand. “That’s why you will be my love support from now on” he ordered his coworker instead of asking and Matsumoto frowned disturbed.
“Why should I? You don't know me, plus I could betray you in any moment” he said easily. That was the proof he wanted to trust him. That man was sincere, naïve and a good person with a nice heart. That was why Ohno was sure he could trust him. A person who was willing to destroy another would not have done all Jun did normally. Without a doubt Ohno smiled, looking at his new friend right in his eyes.
“I trust you” he chose simple words. Then, he took his new cocktail and drank half of it in one swallow. Suddenly, a hand appeared in the middle of the path to remove the alcohol.
“Stop a while, you don't even know what you're already saying” Matsumoto scolded him severely placing his glass so far away from him as a little kid. Ohno rolled his eyes while sighing. Indeed, he started to be a bit drunk, he had not had dinner and his way to drink was being so fast. No wonder why he was already seeming as having drunk five glasses instead of two.
“Look, I can be drunk, but I know perfectly what I do and what I say” Ohno assured looking normal for the few seconds that sentence took to be spoken. But Jun shook his head not believing him. After that, a hard atmosphere was created and Ohno kept still on his stool with a pout, thinking about everything. Maybe with alcohol he could find new options. New ways to see his affair with Ninomiya. And possibly he found a new perspective. He would feel bad if actually he was only fucking with his boss just for pure pleasure, but the main thing is that he was okay with what he was doing, because after so much thinking, all the kisses he needed or the hugs he craved for were not to feel pleasure, but kind of loved by someone. Feeling that he was not perfect, but at least there was a person who was willing to choose him among the rest of the world. So after getting married, that lack he started to have was reflected now in his spoiled behaviour towards Kazunari. But now the question was, what did that mean? Was that okay? And the questions became fears and insecurities to hide once again. What would Kazunari feel if he knew that was how he thought? Would he be able to leave him? Or would he stay? Which future would they have? Together? Separated? The knot in his throat was hard to handle when he realized losing him was a big possibility.
“Ohno” suddenly, his coworker called him. He moved his head as a signal to continue. “When did you start this?” that question was hard to answer because it was full of details. Small details which changed everything slowly.
“When we both kissed each other and realized it wasn’t a mistake” he smiled slightly, wondering which was the exact kiss of his own words.
“But why with the boss?” Jun frowned, possibly being so lost that any pieces could be fixed to understand that situation. Ohno drank a bit of alcohol before answering.
“I don't know. It just happened. When I realized it, I looked at him and my whole being was attracted to him” his answer was plain, he was sure Jun still had the same question. And as he thought.
“But what does he have?” his coworker started to be so interested in their affair that Ohno found he was not wrong when he had the feeling he could trust his deepest thoughts about Kazunari to him.
“You know? I've never liked a single man in my whole life. But somehow Kazunari seems truly handsome for me, also cute when he's sweet. He has always protected me, even when we were two unknowns. Probably sometimes he has been horrible with me” his face became gloomy for a second. “But it's funny when I scold him for being like that, he understands it and… cuddles me for a while” he flushed hard and giggled embarrassed. Then, his gaze looked at Jun and the latter was surprised.
“I need a bit of fresh air” he spoke and took money from his wallet to stand up and go out followed by Ohno who was wondering what was wrong. “I’m sorry, somehow I noticed someone like listening to you and I thought it was better to walk while talking” he scratched his nape and Satoshi nodded convinced about his explanation.
“Thank you about that then” he smiled slightly and they both started to walk slowly through the empty street.
“So regarding what you said about the boss… You said all of that as if your partner was Ninomiya instead of your wife” Jun spoke his opinion with a shy voice, but Ohno understood perfectly what he meant.
“I won't lie, every time I'm with him I feel we are a couple, no matter what we say we are…” Satoshi sighed remembering how stupid they both seemed trying to call that nonsense as anything just to create the perfect excuse. Hastily, Jun got lost and asked. “We call us sexual acquaintances” he explained to be fully understood. Indeed, Matsumoto's face expressed perfectly how taken aback he was for such name.
“But… did you have sex?” he dared to ask. Satoshi looked at him troubled, because both parts would not have sense once he would tell the whole story.
“Only once…” he muttered, glancing at how Jun frowned and opened his mouth.
“Because you two have only had a chance, right?” as he expected, nothing had sense there. They had spent the last week being together almost the full days. They had had plenty of chances to have sex, but only one was used. The rest of them were lost because of their feelings.
“No… Actually, we have even slept together without doing anything…” he confessed, adding more reasons to show how weird and unique their relationship was.
“And how dare you to call that sexual?!” he shouted in a whisper, placing himself in front of Satoshi to stop in the middle of the street. Indeed, he did not know what to answer, because Jun was breaking any single excuse they both could create not to accept anything else. It was already so hard like that, that was why they did not need to be adding more strong feelings to bear and control. No, that was too much.
“I'm married and he's my boss, how can we treat it as something more serious?” Satoshi replied showing finally those broken eyes when he remembered they would never be something deeper, serious. Their fates, the paths were so different in the future. He knew it. That was why, being just sexual acquaintances was better than nothing.
“But Ohno, what do you feel about him?”
//Hi! As it's Tuesday, here you have a new chapter 👌 I hope this will be better for you than the last lol. My thoughts about it being not as good as always seemed to agree with the reality (which is sad), so I truly hope this is better with Nino's sudden trip, Jun's confession and new friendship and nothing else. So long for too small thing omg. Hope it doesn't get boring 🙌
Thank you again for your support 🍀
Pairing:: Ohno Satoshi/OC, Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Genre:: angst, romance, drama, office!au
Length:: chaptered
Word Count:: 7363 words
Rating:: PG-13
“Ohno, do you like me?” that forbidden question arrived finally. Satoshi only smiled bitterly and lowered his gaze to close his eyes and breath heavily. He was trying so hard not to cry. He was truly attempting not to shed even a single tear. And maybe it was just because he knew so well the answer and he had to lie to Ninomiya. How could he say the truth if he was married? What was more, how could he say something like that to a man who was possibly only wanting him to fuck? He was such naïve person who believed any nice words he heard. He believed any good speech or any desirable wish a person could say to him. Then, what shocked him was that Ninomiya had never used nice words to take him to the bed, what was more he had always talked to him so rudely, tried to stop him several times and also, done everything he disliked. So how could he believe in his boss that much? He raised his gaze, completely lost about that. How could he feel something so strong about someone as Ninomiya?
“There's no way” he laughed in order to hide his real emotions. “We are just… sexual acquaintances, right?” his smile was fake and forced, he gave his best, but Ninomiya discovered it with his thumb rubbing his lower lip gently.
“Isn’t there a way I can be your first option someday?” abruptly, Ninomiya asked that weird thing, sincerity filling his gaze and voice until the limit of overwhelming the employee. Ohno realized how blind his boss was, not noticing how many times he had already chosen him before his wife. Kazunari had become the place he wanted to belong to someday. No matter how difficult it seemed at that moment, Satoshi was dreaming with that possibility, just in case…
Slowly, Satoshi approached and kissed his lips weakly, their skins were not almost touching. When it ended, their foreheads kept together. “Maybe you are already” Ohno muttered, looking down while being unable to bear that strong gaze of Ninomiya. Finally, he felt two shy hands trying to reach his waist to start a weak hug. “Maybe you have always been my first option…” he muttered while resting his forehead on his shoulder, noticing for first time how Ninomiya could mean for him more than anyone actually.
As result for his words, his confession, his boss brushed his hair slowly, tenderly. Delicacy filling his soul. And as if they had not seen each other for months, Satoshi fulfilled another of his whims, being hugged and protected by him again. Ohno grabbed his shirt as his nose smelt his scent from his neck. He would pay millions to kiss it again. That was why he could not let that chance to end and his lips touched his neck slightly. The embrace became tighter, having two strong arms around his body, giving him the warmth and peace he needed. Then, his boss kissed his hair. “You should go home and rest” Ninomiya muttered after, being so soft and careful. Ohno could not help but smile secretly after hearing those words. He was happy. Truly happy to be cared by him.
“I don’t want to go home” his childish voice was evident, wanting to keep by his side a while more. Knowing that Ninomiya would try to make him go back home, he was faster and raised his face to search for his lips. Satoshi needed to prove his boss would follow him again, no matter what he had said in the past. After all, he did not know him as well as being sure about it, and somehow, he was unable to take it for granted. More when Ninomiya stopped him. Their gazes crashed into a doubtful atmosphere. Ohno could say that his boss was still so affected by his behaviour. Why was he feeling horribly frustrated?
“I need to think if I should continue this game. Now, go home, please” his words allowed to show his insecurity and a glimpse of a beg. His face was serious, even sad and lost, no matter how hard he was trying to keep that fake mask on it. Satoshi was able to see under it. That was why, he decided to give him time, after all he had been the one who had messed their relationship up. That was the price he had to pay then. Ohno made two steps backwards to create a cold space between them and looked at him for last time. Maybe checking if he was sure about his decision. Ninomiya was walking already to his chair so the employee gave up after such a movement. His feet exited his office and went straight to the elevator, he was defeated for some reason. Were they not only sexual acquaintances? Then, why were there so many emotions in the middle? Because at this point, not just Ohno's were interfering with the idea of only fucking, but also Ninomiya's appeared too. And that was what ruined Ohno's sanity completely.
*****
No matter if he had tried to sleep a while, every time he felt someone else in the bed, he felt a pressure inside his chest. It was horrible, like if a knife was stabbed and someone was moving it slowly. And what was the worst, nobody could take it out and heal it. Satoshi allowed himself to sleep on the limit of the mattress so any part of his body would not touch her. He wanted to know the exact reason, but everything was still a mess in his mind after the office meeting with his boss. That moment seemed so real yet. Those lips kissing him or those arms hugging him, Ohno could still recall his warmth. And he was crazy for feeling it once again. Should he search for it? Should he not care about his wife anymore to focus only on sorting it out with Kazunari? Was he that despicable with people? He had been grown up as a humble person, who always looked after the rest with kind behaviour and nice words, then why was he being so selfish and mean now? He desired to hate himself, to be unable to look at his own face through the mirror, but no matter what, every morning, he woke up to go to the bathroom and glance at his eyes. That glimpse of sadness was still there, inside his pupils, showing how overwhelmed he was by the pressure. The pressure of cheating on everyone, of being a liar and what was more, a manipulator. How could he treat such important people like that?
Ohno grabbed the sink, feeling his eyes burning by the tears, full of lies and a double life. That was more than what he could handle. It needed to end. He needed to end it.
*****
As every normal day, finally he could return to his company as a normal employee and even before coming inside of the building, some acquaintances were already asking for his condition. Ohno, no matter how he believed he did not deserve such kind treatment, smiled and answered politely with a “I'm fine, thanks”. Several people stopped him inside to ask the same and Satoshi only seemed a robot programmed to say the same over and over again. Suddenly, when his eyes looked around while talking with another man, they found Ninomiya looking at him. He did not stop or approach, just glanced at him and continued his path to the elevator. Ohno felt again that pain inside his stomach, the need to vomit. Just because their gazes had crashed.
Satoshi decided to answer briefly and go to the floor where his office was. He was nervous, not because of joining the team again, but because of meeting him once more. He had never felt more coward than with Ninomiya. And he could think it was because of how he imposed, but indeed, it was due to his hard feelings. Ohno was so scared of what he felt inside every time they were close. And when he reached his desk, having a few people asking him, no matter how he controlled it, in the moment he raised his eyes and found that man looking at him from the door, his heart was upside down.
Suddenly, Ninomiya clapped his hands and called everyone's attention. Satoshi got scared by that abrupt sound and his face seemed even more nervous. He tried to avoid him by just sitting on his chair, when everyone was stood up, and writing notes on a paper. “Everyone, pay attention to me” he said and the rest of his coworkers did not disobey him, only Satoshi kept on his world. “Ohno, you're included too” suddenly, Kazunari said and the employee searched for a hole to hide in forever. He only wanted to be unnoticed and he got the opposite, the whole office was looking at him. Especially one person.
Ohno only stood up and made as listening. “Today, I will go on a trip to Sapporo. There, I will try to get new business with important managers so I will leave this department on everyone's hands for the next month I will be outside. I'll send you instructions via email and by phone, any doubt or problem, tell me. I want to come back and see I have employees worthy of being here, okay?” Kazunari informed with authoritarian voice. Everyone was praising and giving him good words, sending him luck and accepting that step, but there was a man who was still, breathless, who could not say even a single word. “Then, I will excuse myself because I have to take the plane now. Give your best!” he ended the brief meeting and walked to his office.
“K- Ninomiya!” suddenly, a trembling man called his name in the middle of that site full of people, who seemed shocked and interested in why he had called him like that. The boss turned around while frowning and asked what happened. “I… I still have to deliver some documents” he said, being lucky of having the power of thinking good excuses quickly.
“Okay, come to my desk, but be brief” he accepted and Ohno reacted at the next second, taking some random papers over his desk and approaching the door between curious people, muttering things Ohno did not want to listen at all. Being fed up with all of them, he closed the door and just at that moment, he found himself alone with him again. “C'mon, give me that” Kazunari said in a hurry, tearing them off from his hands when Satoshi kept still in front of him. After five seconds, when Ninomiya discovered those papers were not even important documents to deliver, he looked at his employee with annoyed eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me?” his voice showed how angry he was and how fast that moment was going to end, that was why Ohno gulped and opened his mouth.
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” he asked, sounding offended. His boss raised his eyebrows like being surprised.
“Perhaps should I?” he answered even more bothered than before. Ohno just continued in the same state of shock as before.
“Why? Why a month? Why so far away?” his words just kept on leaving his mouth without a filter. His eyes stared at Kazunari, stronger than never.
“It's my job” Ninomiya replied, maybe more confused now than angry. Slowly, not knowing why or how, Satoshi found the courage to approach enough to catch those papers, break them and throw the pieces to the floor.
“Fuck your job” his voice was higher than before. Only after that, his arm was grabbed by a strong hand and Satoshi looked at that cute, disturbed face.
“You’re crossing the limits” Ohno did not matter about that warning, he moved his arm hastily to set it free. Why was he so angry? He could not find the why, only that heat inside of him was making him do all of those unforgettable things. So he stayed in silence, knowing he could not say anything and pretend to have reason, not in a moment like that. He breathed deeply to calm down and closed his eyes just for five seconds. What was he doing? He was behaving like a child. So immature and spoiled. And the worst was that he liked being spoiled by Ninomiya, getting all he wanted from him as easy as breathing. He wondered why Kazunari always ended up giving it to him. And if he was going to stay just because he did not like the idea of going away. But, could he try such a thing? Did he have the right to control his life?
“I'm sorry…” those were the last words he spoke before turning around and making a step to the door so he would get out of there and just hide in his bubble. However, he was stopped by two hands grabbing his waist and pushing him backwards, his back crashing with a warm torso. Satoshi was speechless. Was Kazunari trying to be together before going to Sapporo?
“Don't make me go with the concern that I leave you sad, please” the boss muttered beside his ear, his voice showing a glimpse of anxiety in it. Ohno looked down, finding two hands grabbing his clothes tightly and he could not help but take them into his and rub his skin tenderly. Slowly, he turned his head to the side Kazunari was placing his and their gazes met in that tense ambient. One of his hands was raised to caress his cheek and without a doubt, his boss kissed his lips. Ohno closed his eyes, enjoying it for last time until the next month, and turned around completely to hug his neck, needing that closeness their bodies were experienced again. He felt how his back was covered by two hands which attracted him more and more, how his fingers brushed his soft hair while kissing, how his lips were being sucked and kissed over and over again by that hungry man. How he knew at that moment that he would truly miss him.
“How much time do you have now?” suddenly, Satoshi asked, breaking the kiss and staying almost with their mouths touching each other. Of course he meant that, he could not imagine a month being away, that was why his body was urging his attention.
“In one hour, I have to be in the airport and I have to stop in my apartment before” he kissed him after that, maybe trying to avoid the harsh meaning behind those explanations, but Ohno was clever and he got the rejection.
“If you had told me, I would have spent the night with you…” he muttered, embarrassed by it, but it was the truth. Satoshi would have spent the whole night surrounded by Kazunari on that bed during hours. Because he desired it more than anything else.
“No, you stayed in the place you're meant to be” his boss replied with a husky voice. Ohno bit his lower lip, that was not the truth. His place was with Ninomiya, no matter which their circumstances were. But how could he say that? There was no way he was able to say such a thing that easily.
“But now we don't have time…” he complained as a kid, pouting not to show his true emotions and Kazunari caught his chin to tilt his head and kiss his neck. Abrupt shivers crossed his spine, making him melt in his arms. He was so weak he hated and loved it.
“Time for what?” he bit his lobe and licked his jawline. Satoshi knew he was playing with his words as always, but at that moment his mind was frozen, his body only needed that man so badly.
“Don't make me say it…” he was flushed and looked down when an amused gaze stared at him. Suddenly, Ninomiya smiled and Satoshi wondered why, what was funny. Actually, he frowned and gained a kiss by him.
“When I will come back” Kazunari rubbed their noses and Ohno caressed his cheek, feeling in a cloud by that sweetness which appeared once again finally. He could not resist the relief inside of him by knowing that Kazunari could be as kind as in the hospital and his lips searched for his boss's ones. He wanted to enjoy until the last second. Exactly when Ninomiya's phone rang and he did a step backwards to pick it up. “Now? Yes, wait for me” he talked with the other person through the phone and then, hung up. It was placed into his pocket and Ninomiya returned with Satoshi.
“You have to go, right?” the employee guessed just by the brightness in his eyes. Kazunari only nodded and somehow seemed disappointed. “I will work hard here, leave at ease” his hand caressed his cheek softly and Ninomiya smiled warmly.
“I know, be my eyes, okay?” the boss rubbed their noses and pecked his lips. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door and both separated as two springs. Then, Satoshi's coworker, Matsumoto, entered the office and opened a bit his mouth speechlessly because Ohno was flushed in the middle of the room and Kazunari was taking his stuff. “It's fine Ohno, you only have to redo the documents and send me via fax” he invented an excuse for Ohno's face and the broken papers on the floor. “And you, Matsumoto? What do you want?” his voice was severe, probably he was still jealous of him for such messages and invitation. Ohno sighed while catching the broken papers, he would never change.
“The contract of Mr. Okada has just arrived” he showed a paper and Ninomiya approached him quickly to take it and put it into his briefcase.
“Perfect. Now, I'm leaving” he said before going out of his office in a hurry, when Satoshi raised his gaze, he was not there anymore, just his coworker with suspicious eyes. It was impossible to refuse he was deeply disappointed, but he needed to hide it, after all that person in front of his gaze was truly interested in their relationship.
“Ohno, are you okay?” Matsumoto asked hastily. Satoshi would never have imagined that he was going to ask him such a question after discovering them like that. That was why he only stood up to throw the pieces into the trash bin. Just at that moment, he saw Ninomiya's jacket on his chair and Ohno caught it, thinking that maybe he was on time yet to return it. But instead, his coworker stopped him.
“Don't use a simple jacket to run after him” Jun spat frowning. Then, not to show how right he was, he placed it on the coat rack.
“Not your business, Matsumoto” he tried to leave the office and continue with his work, but Jun refused to set aside and closed the door behind him. Satoshi was amazed by such impolite move and his mood started to be disturbed.
“Luckily, it was me who came inside because you two were pretty evident” he explained and Ohno knew they had been too reckless at that moment and that maybe they had been lucky for having being figured out by Matsumoto instead of by another person. That could have been their own end.
“And what? It's our problem” he noticed he was not rejecting the idea of them being too close in the middle of their job, but for what? Satoshi knew perfectly how aware Jun was about their secret meetings and their purpose, so he was too tired like to try to convince him about the opposite.
“Okay. But we still have to talk” his coworker reminded him and Satoshi looked at him interested. What did they have to talk about? “This night in Remedy's?” he asked straight. Ohno did not think about it twice, he needed to know what was so important.
“At 8 pm” he accepted and finally, he could go out and return to his desk. He sat on his chair, trying to seem as normal as possible and work all he had left undone. However, he was really curious, his eyes followed Jun when he walked in front of him or he looked at the clock, feeling impatient to be at that club and know what he had to say.
*****
The hour arrived and he was already turning off his computer and picking up his things to go at the meeting place when his phone suddenly vibrated. His first thought was a message from Jun saying he could not go, but against all odds, he found his boss name on the screen. Ohno got paralyzed by such weird thing to receive and he doubted if he should open it. His eyes glanced at the hour and realized he had time to answer, so he tapped it and the message was shown.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
I've just arrived at Sapporo. It's damn cold here. I would like your hugs now.
His mouth ended up open too evidently after reading the end of his message. He blinked several times, probably thinking he was just dreaming or he read wrongly some word. But no. It was written letter by letter. He started to panic, such nice words were impossible to be for him. Maybe he was flirting with another person and he mistook the contact. Yes, he was calmed now he found the reason of it. But at the next second, he felt a hard jealousy inside of him. Who would be the other person? He sighed, what was wrong with him? Being jealous of him… He had no right, that was why he turned off his phone and decided to go. However, one thing caught his attention before leaving the office. The jacket Ninomiya had left behind on his chair. Ohno thought it would get dirty there during a month and took it with him; he would save it until his boss would come back.
Even if he had to drive, he could not stop thinking about those words. What would happen if it was for him? He smiled bitterly. It was impossible that Ninomiya would say something like that. Less to him. Because they were sexual acquaintances. Because they did not have any type of feeling regarding each other. Right?
Ohno arrived at the club, which he knew just because in his company was pretty popular, but not because he had gone personally like that day. It seemed more like a nightclub to get drunk and find someone to spend the night, however Satoshi did not care and tried to find Matsumoto instead. After a few seconds looking around, he saw a businessman sat on a stool while drinking a kind of cocktail. Ohno approached and sat by his side without greeting him. They did not have enough confidence yet to seem mates. The employee only asked for a drink and kept in silence until Jun decided to start a chat.
“I just want to confirm it, are you two having an affair?” he asked straight, without doubting it. And Satoshi knew he had three options. Admitting it, rejecting it or keeping silent. Nevertheless, he ended up reaching the conclusion that if he wanted to know, he had to be frank.
“Kind of, yes” he drank a great part of his glass and sighed, not knowing what he was doing or saying. That was why he turned around to look at Jun.
“Why? And your wife?” he spoke frowning, looking pretty lost about his behaviour and Ohno would not blame him, because any man would love to be in his shoes, of course because everything seemed so beautiful from outside. But from inside, he was living the unhappiest life and Ninomiya provided him that adrenaline he needed.
“Look, no fairy tail is perfect. Everything has hidden shits. My life is a shit. And my wife… The only person who makes it better is him” Satoshi confessed it like if they had been best friend for years. Indeed, that opening up was so weird in him, but maybe he needed someone who was willing to listen to him regarding Ninomiya.
“Then, why aren’t you getting divorce to be with him?” Matsumoto asked surprised, but Ohno was the most amazed one. Why did it seem so easily? He hated that.
“Because two men can't be together, I have to stay with my wife and he has to only act as my boss” he clarified, no matter how painful it resulted at the end. It was the truth.
“Then, isn't it a revenge of the past?” abruptly he asked and Satoshi frowned deeply. What did he mean? Why would he want to do a revenge? Why against his wife? He shook his head taken aback by his awkward question and Jun seemed so troubled and nervous. He drank a few times and started to sweat.
“Are you okay?” Ohno worried about him because his body reacted in a way he was not expecting at all. Matsumoto rubbed his face and sighed deeply.
“I wonder why I mess up everything this easily…” he seemed so troubled that Satoshi felt bad about him, so much he patted his shoulder and tried to find a way to help him.
“Don’t say that, what's wrong?” maybe his tone was too friendly or maybe he was trying to make him feel better, but somehow both of them got relaxed in that tensed environment and the conversation started to go more fluent.
“That’s what I wanted to tell you…” his words sounded regretful. No matter what, Ohno could not be more curious about what was happening. “I know your wife since we were in the university” he started and Ohno disliked even that sentence. Mostly because his wife had not told him anything. “We were good friends and one day she got so close to me. I truly did not know she was your girlfriend by then, that's why we started something like a relationship. Or at least that was what I thought because one day she appeared with a ring on her hand, forgot me and I discovered that you two had been a couple for several years already. At first, I felt so angry with you, because I thought you had stolen her from me, but after talking with her friends, I realized I had been fooled by her. And that you were just her victim” Jun finished his story and Satoshi was in a hard shock after hearing such words. Was that possible? Had his wife been cheating on him even before compromising? How many men had she stayed with behind his back? The betrayal inside of him was so big he needed to vomit. His stomach was hurting and feeling so sick. However, he kept on his stool.
“And why do you tell me this now?” he asked with his gaze lost in the alcohol of his glass. His voice was so low it was possible Jun had not been able to hear him. Surprisingly, he got an answer back.
“Because I thought you found it recently and you wanted to take revenge. I wanted to tell you that our affair wasn't important and that she loves you” he clarified. Satoshi only smiled, attempting to laugh, because it seemed the worst joke of his whole life. But he could not. Only his eyes reacted being watery and his stomach being upside down.
“I didn’t know that my wife was this promiscuous. Because she is having an affair with another man right now” Ohno confessed as he could before standing up and running to the toilet. He needed to vomit so hard. And he did. He doubted the alcohol was the guilty one here. That was why he stayed sat on the floor beside the WC and the tears started to fall from his eyes. How stupid could he be? How many times had he been fooled by such horrible woman? She was not his wife anymore. He could not accept a person like her near him. It was impossible she loved him. Then, why did she marry him? Why did she choose to have a husband to destroy? How awful could she be? Now everything started to fix. Her behaviour was now evident. How blind had he been during these years? Now there was no mistake regarding what she deserved.
Hastily, scaring him a bit, his phone started to vibrate constantly. It was a call. He doubted if he should even check who was, but without thinking, his hand caught it to find a name on the screen, above the text of incoming call. It was weird of him to call like this so he got worried and picked it up, trying his best to hide how he was crying. “Ninomiya?” his husky voice did not lie as he would have loved.
“Why haven't you answered my message?” his voice sounded like a mix of concern and anger. Ohno preferred to remember the worry in his words first. And just then, he realized the meaning of that question. The message was indeed for him.
“So it was for me…” he thought out loud, controlling as he could his desire to sob. The pain became much more unbearable and he felt a horribly desire of having him by his side. But more horrible was the fact that he was alone in a toilet of a club and Kazunari was several hundreds of kilometers away from him. His body needed his arms around his torso, or his soft kisses. How Kazunari got to calm him down so easily with a hug or his caresses. However he did not have anything of that and he felt empty, lonely. He had never felt so in need of someone like that night.
“Of course it was for you! There's no one else I can say such things!” Ninomiya answered bothered by his naïve behaviour. And somehow, Ohno could not anymore and he sobbed slightly. He prayed that he could not have heard it. Nevertheless, he was so stupid to think Ninomiya was not clever enough to notice it. “Ohno? Ohno, are you crying?” his voice seemed even afraid of his condition. He tried to talk as fast as possible to calm him, but only more sobs came out instead of words. He could not stop. After all, just Kazunari looked as caring about him. “Satoshi, what happens?” his boss tried again. No matter how many times he had said his name already, he loved how it sounded, how private they felt, how he desired to hear it every morning while waking up. And Satoshi found himself crying because of that and not because of his wife.
“You’re not the only one who needs a hug” he could say after breathing deeply. Maybe that confession was out of place for someone as Kazunari, but he needed to hear it back, what his boss had confessed then. How when he was cold, he needed his hugs. And just at that moment, he was able to recall how warm he felt in his arms. Slight shivers fulfilled his back, reaching his torso, arms and neck, producing goosebumps around his body. He cuddled up on the floor, closing his eyes while waiting an answer. His mind wondered which type of sentence Kazunari would say back.
“Are you cold too?” after long seconds, only that came and Satoshi understood its meaning completely. Everything had to be hidden. Even between them.
“Yeah, it's cold here too…” his reply was vague while his weeping was disappearing and his tiredness started to be hard in him. His free arm hugged his own waist searching for warmth. For his warmth. Because he missed it. He missed him way too much.
Suddenly, he heard knocks on the door. “Ohno, are you okay?” the other person asked him and without a doubt, that voice was Matsumoto's one. At that moment, he felt so troublesome because he did not know what to answer; he was not okay, but it was impossible he would admit that Kazunari had the fault. So he just opted to lie.
“Yes, don't worry. Go back, I will return soon” Satoshi tried to sound okay, his voice being quite hesitant, however, Jun seemed as believing him because the employee listened to steps going away. Nevertheless, he came back to the call and a heavy sigh was evident.
“Are you with someone else?” Ninomiya did not mind asking at all. His words were clear and the question simple. Just a yes or no to answer, then why was Satoshi so scared to reply? Maybe he was doubting how he would take that. His boss had always been so jealous regarding Jun since he discovered he was the person threatening him, so Ohno did not want more problems added.
“Actually yes… But I will go back home as soon as possible” he tried to sound as convincing as his voice allowed him, however he heard how Ninomiya clicked his tongue and unconsciously, his desire to calm him down appeared harshly into his chest.
“You don't have to give me any explanation” suddenly, such a comment was said and the atmosphere turned heavy and full of tension. Ohno widened a bit his eyes, feeling how his heart was being squeezed and it could not beat anymore. The pain was way too much just because of the simple fact it was 100% true. That was why he stayed silent, having a mix of emotions inside of him. “Well, that's all. Good night” huskily, the farewell arrived and Ohno felt unable to hang up that soon. Not when both were being so tense with each other.
“Ninomiya” he called him just on time. He heard how his boss stayed at the other side of the phone, waiting for the reason of that calling. But Satoshi gulped, not knowing what to say. “I… Well…”
“I’m tired, be quick” Ninomiya was disturbed, so much that only four words could show how careful Ohno should be from now on. So no matter how stupid he might seem.
“It's nothing, go to sleep” his voice tried to seem okay, even nice and soft to see if Ninomiya got relaxed. The last thing he needed was being at unease with him now that everything seemed broken around him. At least, Satoshi needed his tender behaviour not to give up. He wondered how Kazunari ended up being that important after just a few days.
“Then… Good night, Satoshi” his voice did not sound bothered or angry anymore, but it was sad and forced. Maybe he did not want to hang up that early. Ohno did not want. He was missing him already, and it was just the first day. For sure he would end up being crazy at the 15th if he continued like that.
“Good night, take care” he added to see if he got an answer back. That would mean Ninomiya wanted to stay as much as him. He prayed to hear his voice instead of a whistle which would indicate the end of the call. So deep inside of him, he was yearning for just a single word more.
“You too, call me anytime if you need me” the replied arrived and Satoshi closed his eyes. That was actually more than what he was expecting or even wishing. No matter how many times they argued or how rude their words could be, Ninomiya was showing everyday how perfect he was. And that conquered Ohno's heart in a way which made everything harder.
“I will, thank you” he smiled, happily to know he could count on Kazunari.
“Bye” it seemed as a whisper which echoed inside of his ears strongly.
“Bye” Satoshi said goodbye too, hating that to be sincere, but it was time to hang up and just when his finger was doubting if it should press the red button, the call was cut automatically. He sighed deeply, that loneliness coming again. So before he would feel so down once more, he stood up, put his phone in his pocket and got out of the cabin to return with his coworker, Matsumoto. He sat on the stool again, knowing a person was staring at him, but he only took his glass and drank it by once. He closed his eyes hard, feeling his throat as burning, but also the heat in his stomach and a sudden energy surrounding his being.
“Another” he asked the bartender. Slowly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and only then, his head was turned by Jun's side to find him with worried expression. However, before letting him talk Satoshi smiled sadistically. “You know? Only you know about Ninomiya and I” he giggled, possibly already feeling the alcohol effect. “And I need someone to talk to” his eyes were quite watery at that point noticing how alone he was. Decisively, he turned around to Jun, leaning his elbow on the bar and then his head on his hand. “That’s why you will be my love support from now on” he ordered his coworker instead of asking and Matsumoto frowned disturbed.
“Why should I? You don't know me, plus I could betray you in any moment” he said easily. That was the proof he wanted to trust him. That man was sincere, naïve and a good person with a nice heart. That was why Ohno was sure he could trust him. A person who was willing to destroy another would not have done all Jun did normally. Without a doubt Ohno smiled, looking at his new friend right in his eyes.
“I trust you” he chose simple words. Then, he took his new cocktail and drank half of it in one swallow. Suddenly, a hand appeared in the middle of the path to remove the alcohol.
“Stop a while, you don't even know what you're already saying” Matsumoto scolded him severely placing his glass so far away from him as a little kid. Ohno rolled his eyes while sighing. Indeed, he started to be a bit drunk, he had not had dinner and his way to drink was being so fast. No wonder why he was already seeming as having drunk five glasses instead of two.
“Look, I can be drunk, but I know perfectly what I do and what I say” Ohno assured looking normal for the few seconds that sentence took to be spoken. But Jun shook his head not believing him. After that, a hard atmosphere was created and Ohno kept still on his stool with a pout, thinking about everything. Maybe with alcohol he could find new options. New ways to see his affair with Ninomiya. And possibly he found a new perspective. He would feel bad if actually he was only fucking with his boss just for pure pleasure, but the main thing is that he was okay with what he was doing, because after so much thinking, all the kisses he needed or the hugs he craved for were not to feel pleasure, but kind of loved by someone. Feeling that he was not perfect, but at least there was a person who was willing to choose him among the rest of the world. So after getting married, that lack he started to have was reflected now in his spoiled behaviour towards Kazunari. But now the question was, what did that mean? Was that okay? And the questions became fears and insecurities to hide once again. What would Kazunari feel if he knew that was how he thought? Would he be able to leave him? Or would he stay? Which future would they have? Together? Separated? The knot in his throat was hard to handle when he realized losing him was a big possibility.
“Ohno” suddenly, his coworker called him. He moved his head as a signal to continue. “When did you start this?” that question was hard to answer because it was full of details. Small details which changed everything slowly.
“When we both kissed each other and realized it wasn’t a mistake” he smiled slightly, wondering which was the exact kiss of his own words.
“But why with the boss?” Jun frowned, possibly being so lost that any pieces could be fixed to understand that situation. Ohno drank a bit of alcohol before answering.
“I don't know. It just happened. When I realized it, I looked at him and my whole being was attracted to him” his answer was plain, he was sure Jun still had the same question. And as he thought.
“But what does he have?” his coworker started to be so interested in their affair that Ohno found he was not wrong when he had the feeling he could trust his deepest thoughts about Kazunari to him.
“You know? I've never liked a single man in my whole life. But somehow Kazunari seems truly handsome for me, also cute when he's sweet. He has always protected me, even when we were two unknowns. Probably sometimes he has been horrible with me” his face became gloomy for a second. “But it's funny when I scold him for being like that, he understands it and… cuddles me for a while” he flushed hard and giggled embarrassed. Then, his gaze looked at Jun and the latter was surprised.
“I need a bit of fresh air” he spoke and took money from his wallet to stand up and go out followed by Ohno who was wondering what was wrong. “I’m sorry, somehow I noticed someone like listening to you and I thought it was better to walk while talking” he scratched his nape and Satoshi nodded convinced about his explanation.
“Thank you about that then” he smiled slightly and they both started to walk slowly through the empty street.
“So regarding what you said about the boss… You said all of that as if your partner was Ninomiya instead of your wife” Jun spoke his opinion with a shy voice, but Ohno understood perfectly what he meant.
“I won't lie, every time I'm with him I feel we are a couple, no matter what we say we are…” Satoshi sighed remembering how stupid they both seemed trying to call that nonsense as anything just to create the perfect excuse. Hastily, Jun got lost and asked. “We call us sexual acquaintances” he explained to be fully understood. Indeed, Matsumoto's face expressed perfectly how taken aback he was for such name.
“But… did you have sex?” he dared to ask. Satoshi looked at him troubled, because both parts would not have sense once he would tell the whole story.
“Only once…” he muttered, glancing at how Jun frowned and opened his mouth.
“Because you two have only had a chance, right?” as he expected, nothing had sense there. They had spent the last week being together almost the full days. They had had plenty of chances to have sex, but only one was used. The rest of them were lost because of their feelings.
“No… Actually, we have even slept together without doing anything…” he confessed, adding more reasons to show how weird and unique their relationship was.
“And how dare you to call that sexual?!” he shouted in a whisper, placing himself in front of Satoshi to stop in the middle of the street. Indeed, he did not know what to answer, because Jun was breaking any single excuse they both could create not to accept anything else. It was already so hard like that, that was why they did not need to be adding more strong feelings to bear and control. No, that was too much.
“I'm married and he's my boss, how can we treat it as something more serious?” Satoshi replied showing finally those broken eyes when he remembered they would never be something deeper, serious. Their fates, the paths were so different in the future. He knew it. That was why, being just sexual acquaintances was better than nothing.
“But Ohno, what do you feel about him?”
//Hi! As it's Tuesday, here you have a new chapter 👌 I hope this will be better for you than the last lol. My thoughts about it being not as good as always seemed to agree with the reality (which is sad), so I truly hope this is better with Nino's sudden trip, Jun's confession and new friendship and nothing else. So long for too small thing omg. Hope it doesn't get boring 🙌
Thank you again for your support 🍀