「The Tear Of Joy」《Chapter 6》
Title:: The Tear Of Joy
Pairing:: Ohno Satoshi/OC, Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Genre:: angst, romance, drama, office!au
Length:: chaptered
Word Count:: 6940 words
Rating:: PG-13
His whole body was hurting, but under him, there was a soft mattress which made moving less painful. He was lying on his belly, so, to see what was surrounding him, Satoshi decided to roll and look at the ceiling. His eyes were not used to the shy light the sun was starting to show, so his hands just brushed them while frowning with a little growl. Somehow, that bed felt so cold when he knew it had been so warm the whole night, so he searched for that heat source unsuccessfully. Slowly, Ohno sat up to take a look around, finding an empty room. His feet touched the floor, which was covered by their clothes. Had he been able to do it? His gaze was lowered to see his own body. Naked. He was totally naked. So it had not been a dream. What had he done? He brushed his hair, feeling his heart pounding inside his chest. Should he dress up? He liked being naked through the house, but it was not his. Well, Kazunari would not see anything new after all, so he walked between the clothes and peeked in the living room. He saw a man, wearing only his boxers, sitting on the floor with a coffee on the table in front of him. Without thinking about it, Satoshi opened the door to show up, his cheeks a bit flushed and his lip being caught by his teeth. His eyes looked straight at those wide ones, which were following every step he took. Without words, Kazunari moved a bit to see how Satoshi placed a foot at each side of his legs and sat on his thighs. Satoshi's hands rubbed his torso slowly, then his shoulders and they ended up playing with his hair when Ninomiya kissed his lips softly. His back felt two warm hands crossing his spine until reaching his butt to stroke it. Ohno could not control again that desire inside of him and his tongue searched for Kazunari's lustfully. Why? Why did he need that? Why was he enjoying that with all his being? Why was he being the worst husband of that world? Abruptly, his boss broke the kiss to create a short conversation between them.
“How do you feel?” his voice was sweet and a hand caressed his flushed cheek. Ohno titled a bit his head, loving that contact. If it were not forbidden, he would think he had found his perfect life.
“Maybe, a bit tired” he curved his lips into a shy smile and Kazunari followed him with a tender chuckle. Ohno dared to catch his face with a hand and rub his free cheek with his nose, smelling his scent of soap. “But I'm better than never” that confession was a mutter. That little secret was only known by Ninomiya, how he had loved it.
“You should continue sleeping. It's so early yet” he said while embracing his small body tighter. Ohno rested his head on his shoulder, being so comfortable there to change his place. His mind could work already and he remembered that he had to return to his house sooner or later. Then, he realized the little fact that even if Kazunari had rejected his plan at first, they ended up in his apartment. He was so curious about that that he could not shut up.
“Ninomiya” he called him by his surname, knowing that calling him as boss was already stupid. That man embracing him only rubbed his hair with a little growl as reply. “Why did you take me here?” he asked with a pouty voice. Ninomiya only sighed and kissed his shoulder.
“Because I know that you will be fine with me, that I will take care of you properly” he explained with a serious tone. Maybe husky and low, but Satoshi loved it. What he had said and how he had said it. However, Ohno could feel how the ambient turned weird between them and he had the urge to do a kind of joke.
“If you take care of everyone this well, I will be jealous” he laughed slightly, trying to soften that tension, but he raised his face when it even grew up. His chin became an evident pout while looking at those distant eyes. What was wrong? Kazunari lowered his gaze as if he was feeling bad because of something.
“We can't be jealous of each other, we have to go on with our lives…” he spoke in a soft mutter and Satoshi realized the hardness of his own joke. It was not a proper moment to say something alike. That was why he attempted to find a way to fix it quickly, he hated seeing his boss like that.
“I know, it was a joke after all” he smiled, downplaying it as if he did not care. In reality, his heart ached so hard due to the truth of their lives. Having to accept they were unable to feel anything else that pure attraction and desire for each other. When Satoshi was sure there were many more, but also that they had to keep hidden.
“We have to talk about it” Ninomiya raised his gaze suddenly. He seemed sad and unwilling to continue, but still forcing himself to talk. “This, what we did, is nothing more but…” he tried to rate it as something already predetermined, however his answer did not come and Ohno thought quickly to help him.
“This is just an affair” Satoshi agreed, not showing how painful it was for him. “I have a wife and you… I'm sure you have someone you like, so we should just consider these as…” this time, he was the one without words to include all they had done. His brain could not work faster, but nothing was coming. Then, Kazunari took over as he had done before.
“Sexual meetings. We just meet, have sex and continue our lives after” Ninomiya seemed as having understood his idea and sharing it. Ohno nodded, realizing it was a good way to call it and stood up because he was unable to keep so close to him anymore. Why was it painful? It was just considering Kazunari as an affair, why then?
“I'm going to take a shower” he announced with a smile, which disappeared at the next second, and his boss nodded, looking down, like if he were in another planet. Satoshi tried not to care and approached the bedroom to take his bag. Then, he remembered that he had forgotten to check his phone completely and rushed to turn it on and discover several messages. Only one highlighted.
From:: Matsumoto Jun
So nice to know you're better. Even if you say that, I still feel bad about it. What do you think of having lunch someday and talking about this in person? I want to tell you some things. I will wait for your answer.
That was pretty odd, asking for a meal together so suddenly. But Ohno was truly curious about what he wanted to tell him so he typed the answer before taking the shower.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
Sorry for the waiting. I would like to go drink one day after work and talk. We will concrete the day in the office.
Satoshi knew that he had been so rude, but somehow, he was not in the mood to be nice. He was unable to be kind with anyone. He felt a sudden anger through his veins. The morning had started well, why was he annoyed now? In some way, it was simple. He had heard what he did not want. And that was always painful. So, not to remember it over and over again, he entered the living room and left the phone on the table a bit stronger than pretended. “Is something bad?” Kazunari asked without a doubt and Ohno thanked him mentally for worrying about him, but it was impossible he could talk about that with him, mostly because he was the main problem.
“No, it just dropped from my hand” the employee clarified and walked to the bathroom without looking behind. His hand closed the door and he opened the shower tap to see how the water started to fall. His body was placed under it and his skin burnt. His hands were placed on the wall and his forehead followed them to end up feeling something cold under his wet hair, which was over his eyes, covering the first tears that dared to seem as water. He wondered why. Why could he not continue having his last life, that which he had lived for a year, which seemed a bit boring and unhappy, but it was three times better than the actual situation? Just almost a week was needed to change everything without noticing. Ninomiya had become his perdition. He was losing everything just because he wanted a few kisses, some warm hugs and a great fuck. Actually, he felt as his boss's slut. Giving him his ass as if he were paying for it… What else did he want? He had all he desired. Proper studies, a good job, a beautiful wife, a big house, a nice car. He could buy any type of whim, expensive food, clothes, trips. Then, why did he choose the most complicated of all? The one which would ruin all he had won. The one which was impossible to obtain completely. The one which was forbidden. At least if Ninomiya liked him… But Ohno just seemed a nice toy to use. Their conversation had left it so clear. And maybe that was what was hurting him the most. Not sharing the same feelings.
Being fed up of that, he took a quick shower and dried his body to dress another pair of T-shirt and trousers. It felt so nice, he was not used to wear it as long as his job always required a suit. Then, before going outside, Ohno took a look at the mirror. His hand brushed his wet hair, trying to put it in a cool way. When he noticed how ridiculous he was being, his hand messed it up completely, breaking the previous attempt of hairstyle. Then, he caught his bag and went outside, having to cross through the living room to reach the bedroom. Kazunari was still there, checking his phone. But… since when was it black? If he remembered correctly, Ninomiya's was white. Satoshi realized in less than a second and left the bag on the floor to run to his boss and tore the phone away from his hands. “What the fuck are you doing with my phone?!” he yelled at him, being totally mad at his actions. Why had he done that? Was the meaning of privacy not clear for him?
“So Matsumoto, huh?” Kazunari only said with an eyebrow raised. Ohno opened his mouth in disbelief. Was he serious? He took a look at the screen and indeed, Matsumoto chat was opened and there was a new message.
“You don't have the right to check chats which aren't yours!” Satoshi scolded him severely, but Ninomiya seemed as simply not caring about it. That man only stood up and got closer to the employee. His face looked angry, and if he was fed up with something. Ohno only exited all the pages in his phone and turned it off to put it inside his pocket. When he raised his head to return to his boss, the latter was almost touching their noses. Why? What did he want now? Satoshi tried to step backwards, feeling so disturbed by what he had done, however, Ninomiya continued walking until he was reduced to be trapped against the wall.
“So you are going to drink with him, right?” his voice sounded tense and bothered. Satoshi widened his eyes. He was jealous. Horribly jealous for wanting to meet a man after work. When they were nothing. When he had been the first who said they could not be jealous. That was a complete nonsense.
“It’s not like I have to explain you what I do with my life” Ohno pushed him, but he seemed as stuck there in front of him. One of his forearms was placed beside his head left side. Every time a bit closer.
“Aren’t you satisfied already with two? Do you want more? More dicks to fuck you?” he spat mercilessly. Actually, that truly hurt him. How he said it, how he looked at him, how he treated him as a simple slut. He had already enough to bear with, Satoshi did not need more shit around to handle as well. Suddenly, his anger filled him and made him push his boss away strongly, freeing himself.
“I’m not a slut who goes fucking everyone everyday! What's more I don't like men! I've never been with a man before, you were the first last night!” he confessed while shouting without stop. He was in the verge of crying due to Kazunari's last, harsh words. He had no right to be jealous, much less to say all of that so carelessly. He had a heart too, which was suffering more than anyone could think at that moment. His fingers wiped away the tears in his eyes in a fast move to look up and find a lost man in the middle of the room. “You read it, right? He only wants to tell me something. If I chose after work is because we have more time to talk” he explained, not knowing why if Kazunari did not deserve any explanation, but even like that, Ohno did it to stop any stupid idea inside of his head. And he wanted to know if he had gotten it, but his boss kept silent, lowering his gaze as if he had realized how wrong he had been. Satoshi decided not to waste more time there. At that moment, the last thing he wanted was being with Kazunari if he thought that about him. His eyes looked at that man, who was standing still, and his heart ached as never before. Why?
Not wanting to think anymore, he walked to the bedroom, catching the clothes on the floor to put them in the bag. Then, he approached the nightstand and saw the lube bottle. His hand was placed on his stomach quickly when he felt the pleasure of last night once more by recalling what they had done on that bed. Satoshi glanced at the grey sheets, discovering white stains. Those were the proofs of how much they both had enjoyed each other last night, how his skin was feeling his warm hands, how he closed his eyes and could still see that man moving behind him. And when he was breathing slowly to calm his body after such memories, a well-known warmth surrounded his torso and back. Ohno caught one hand to set it aside, but Ninomiya caught it on time to keep on hugging him and he was weak. So weak he hated it. More when two lips kissed his neck softly, reaching his ear to breathe beside it. “I’m sorry…” he murmured, his voice showing regrets and sadness.
“Do you really think I let anyone fuck me?” Ohno asked coldly, lowly. He had no more strength to continue overcoming hurtful situations every time he thought his life was starting to get better. He opened his eyes when a hot forehead was rested on his shoulder and shaken as a negation, but Kazunari did not answer with words. “I’ve just done it with my wife… And you… So how are you capable of saying that about me?” Satoshi spoke his thoughts as if Ninomiya were not there. He would not have been able to ask that if his boss had been looking at him. Ohno was not the type of person who could say what he thought, it was much better to keep silent for him. Like that, he did not have arguments or problems with anyone, but with Ninomiya, everything he felt, he thought, he desired had to be exposed at the next second. He could not control it.
“Why only with two?” Ninomiya asked suddenly, forgetting his question. Satoshi did not want to answer to that, he would seem so stupid and ridiculous, so he just opted to avoid it.
“And you? How many?” Ohno turned a bit his head to find Ninomiya's hair. His face was raised after and their gazes crashed. He was waiting for the answer, which seemed impossible to get because his boss did not speak. Ohno decided to look at the nightstand again and catch his watch.
“I don't count them. Two girls, five or six men… I usually get bored swiftly, that’s why I’ve never had a relationship. All of that was… sporadic” his boss answered with a soft voice beside his ear and Satoshi chuckled bitterly.
“I wonder how long you will be interested in me then” he tried to separate their bodies by breaking that hug, but Kazunari was stronger and Satoshi was weaker when that man cuddled him.
“What are you saying?” he sounded surprised and hurt. Finally, Satoshi only turned around to look at him, straight into his eyes. Slowly, Ninomiya pushed him backwards until finding the wall. Ohno was trying not to succumb, not to observe those thin lips or not to hug his body. He needed to be as frozen as ice so Kazunari would not have any chance.
“It's pretty clear, I am another short affair to enjoy superficially, right?” his smile disappeared when his own brain processed that fact. Maybe had he done all of the hospital just to take him to the bed? Maybe had he seemed worried just to be able to fuck him? Had he used him? Was Ninomiya using him at that moment?
“No. You…” his boss looked troubled while trying to talk. Just then, Satoshi could feel that he had no excuse for that, no argument to say because it was the reality. For once he thought someone was caring about him, it was just in exchange for sex. How stupid could he be?
“I want to go home” Ohno spoke trying to set him aside, but Kazunari just approached more. Their noses were touching, that was why Satoshi started to panic, his hands pushing him over his torso. “Ninomiya, let me go…” his voice was anguished, he did not want anything else from that being. However, Kazunari kissed him harshly, moving his lips fast and deep. Ohno broke it by turning his head around as soon as he could react, but no matter how much he tried it, Ninomiya caught his chin and kissed him several times more. Ohno was feeling so powerless because even if he was truly angry and disappointed with him, he was loving those kisses as always, how their lips connected perfectly, how his adrenaline filled his veins. And at the same time, he was hurting himself, he was betraying himself being unable to stop. Why? Why were his eyes watery? By the fact of not being able to stop or because of Kazunari using him to fuck? Abruptly, he sobbed in the middle of the kiss, hating himself for not controlling his weeping. At the next instant, Ninomiya broke it to notice he was crying, his hands covering his eyes as soon as he had space to move his arms. Satoshi hated crying in front of someone, he always hid it, that was why he tried to escape unsuccessfully.
Kazunari caressed his cheek softly, his eyes widened and his mouth a bit open. Their gazes met for only one second, but it was enough to find a lost man in front of him. Satoshi tried to set him aside once more and this time, Ninomiya did not keep on caressing his cheek and did a step backwards instead. Ohno did a step forwards, walking to his bag, but he stopped for a second when he realized how his mind was wishing for Ninomiya not letting him go. But as always, it was not a fairy tail and he could not desire such actions when he was the first who stopped them. That was why the employee kept on walking and caught his bag. With a sigh, trying to find strength from anywhere, he turned around and faced an absent-minded Kazunari. “Where are my keys?” his voice sounded insecure and his boss raised his eyes quickly, surprised by his question.
“I will take you home” he said before opening his closet and catching a few clothes to dress up. Sincerely, he was grateful, but it was not needed. So Satoshi only rejected it and asked once again for his keys. “Don't worry about that” Kazunari continued to dress up and insist on driving. However, Ohno needed a while alone to calm himself and think, due to that, he persuaded him.
“I want to drive this tim-“
“I told you that I will drive!” he yelled at him even before letting him end and Ohno was just taken aback by such reaction. Ninomiya was sweating, breathless, he could even say with scared eyes. The employee only gulped and nodded without a word. Five seconds after, he glanced at a lost man. “I’m sorry, I-“ Satoshi did not want to hear him, not anymore when what he heard was only hurting him. “Satoshi!” his name was spoken behind him, but he only walked to the door and got out of that apartment. His eyes looked at the nowhere while his legs were stepping forwards slowly. Was that shout needed? Was not there any moment he was not suffering? He was fed up of that situation. Always crying and feeling how his chest was squeezed. He hated that. He hated that with all his might. That was why he kicked his car wheel instead of shouting.
“Why are you doing this to me…?” he muttered for himself while wiping his tears. Suddenly, a hand was placed on his shoulder and Ohno turned around surprised. In front of him, an ashamed man appeared with the keys in his hand.
“Here you have. I will see you on Monday in the company” his voice was a murmur and his eyes were lowered, looking at any other thing less him. Ohno just took the keys; their hands touched slightly and their eyes searched for each other. Did he truly want to drive alone? He wondered that during the few seconds they kept looking at the other. This time, he would not suffer anymore or commit more mistakes with him. Satoshi only bowed and got into the car without looking back. Through the window, Ninomiya was still there, watching how he started the car and drove to home. Due to that last image, Satoshi tightened his grip around the steering wheel, feeling how he had the urge to stop and come back to his arms. There was no other place in which he felt safer than into his warm embrace. And his heart kept on telling, begging him to turn around and come back to that apartment, just at least to ask him to drive to his house. Those ten minutes they would remain together would mean like two hours, but he had messed up thanks to his stubbornness. Ohno would never learn. And that was what hurt him the most. That he would never do what his heart told him to.
*****
His hand caught the door handle to open it and enter his house. When his eyes were lowered, he found a pair of shoes. Shoes belonged to a man. A knot was formed in his throat, making breathing hard. His hands removed his own shoes slowly, not knowing if he wanted to know who was or what he was doing there. Ohno left his bag on the floor too, as if he was preparing himself to escape at any second, and he walked to the living room. No one. He heard some voices coming from the kitchen so he headed to that room straight. The door was opened, a man sighing deeply before peeking inside to discover his wife cooking something with a man sitting on a chair by her side. Ohno could only stare at that big hand almost touching her butt before they noticed him on the threshold. Indeed, staying with Kazunari would have been the best decision.
“Darling! What are you doing here?” she tried to seem surprised, but her voice only revealed disappointment. He had never felt that unwelcomed before, and less coming from his own wife. Satoshi only glanced at that cool man, observing him with superb eyes, his blonde hair, tall, muscled. For sure he was not 100% Japanese. Yoko was not stupid.
“I didn’t want to disturb you and I think I did well” Ohno lied to her and continued before she could speak to him back. “I’m going to draw, have fun, whatever you are doing” his voice was cold, but his gaze showed hatefulness towards that man and frustration towards her. He was not in the mood of even asking about his name, that was why he closed the door and went upstairs, not expecting her to chase him either.
Maybe he was too shocked or too hurt, but he was calm, he was not feeling anything at that point when he dressed up his white coat and sat on the chair in front of the unfinished canvas. His eyes kept on observing that sketch of a naked man, lying on a futon, his legs mixed with the sheets. Recalling which memory made him draw it, it was impossible not to glance at his phone, over a near table, and as an impulse, he checked it without a reason. His heart pounded when he read he found a message of his boss in the notification panel. His finger tapped it to open the mail and read it.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Did you arrive well? I'm worried, please send me back a message.
His mind was blocked. How had he gotten his number? What was more, how did Satoshi have his boss's number in his phone? The employee was feeling as falling into the nowhere. Why was his heart beating as crazy? Why was his body sweating that much? Ohno did not believe himself as capable to write a message back, his hands were trembling a bit. However, he needed to talk to him, so slowly, small words began to come and be written in his response.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
I'm fine. Thanks for your concern.
It was pretty rude and brief, but nothing else came to his mind to write. He was not in the mode of brainstorming to get a proper message. Less when it was for Kazunari. Somehow, Satoshi could feel that his boss would not be going to take it as a bad message. That was why he left it on the table and got ready to continue his painting. Suddenly, his phone started to ring and the scare in him was strong. His eyes glanced at the screen to see his boss's name on it. What was that? Why was he calling him? Victim of the curiosity and his desire to talk with him, he picked it up.
“Hi” that was pretty weird as long as it was the first time they talked by call. He could only hear a breath and then, a husky voice.
“What’s happening?” that was the only thing Ninomiya said. Satoshi smiled bitterly, trying to cope with his tears in his eyes.
“You were right, I would have been better with you” he confessed with a tiny voice. Ohno was doubting even if he had been able to hear it.
“You’re on time to come back” his perfect idea was convincing Satoshi to get out of there and go with him. However, he needed time to think about everything. Or just simply not to think anymore. His life was just drowning him in a sea he did not know his mind could be until that day.
“No, it's too late… Too late…” he muttered while rubbing his hair with his free hand. That pain in his chest was burning again. He wondered why it hurt so badly. Why not being able to have Ninomiya hurt so badly. “If I had thought about it, if I had known it…” he started to cry without stop. He was just regretting all his life. Everything he had gotten through work and what he thought was right had become a lie. He was living a lie. Was there something worse? Was there something more pathetic?
“Ohno, do you want me to go there? We can meet anywhe-“
“I don't want to see you again” he cut him off. Briefly, rudely, coldly. He did not think that. The pain into his chest only blamed his boss, that was why his mind spoke that without noticing what that meant after all. Everything started when Ninomiya appeared, all his disgrace showed up when Ninomiya crashed into him that night. No matter how hard it would be, if the problem was his boss, he would not continue it. He would not stay with him. He would not act as more as his employee. If everything started because of Kazunari, Satoshi would finish it with him. That was what he thought after, but of course, all those reasons, all those arguments, were not valid for his heart. It was still living a lie, feelings lies, expecting a lie in the future. Was that okay? Just continue that lie because he could not stop that problem in any other way? Or better said, he did not know any other way and was just too scared like to confront his wife, his boss, everything in general. Like that silence after his words, Ohno was completely lost about what would happen between them from that moment on. Besides, he was not brave to speak anything else. His ears only waited for a reply, an answer back, but nothing came. Just a deep sigh and the call was hung up.
Only then, he knew that any opportunity to change his life had just vanished. Only then, he realized at least one way more. Only then, he tried to call him back, but no one answered. Only then, Satoshi's tears became the hardest he had to cry in his whole life. And, only then, he discovered how much he needed him.
*****
Saturday was grey. His life was grey since that call. And just because of his fault. Because he could not see properly what he wanted, what made him happy, which future he desired to live and beside who. Everything was confusing around him without a sign or a hint which would help him. Inside of him, Satoshi could find his answer, the one he needed, but somehow, he was afraid of which one it was, so living in the ignorance, in that constant sadness mixed with anguish, was better than accepting the reality of his feelings. He did not think he was able to do that, to feel strong enough like to change, to confront his fears and his life. He had never done it, it was impossible now. That was why he could not keep in his house. His mind only thought and thought without stop, he had nothing to do, so nothing was occupying his mind. Less one person.
Just finding one way to release himself from that unbearable anguish surrounding his heart, with the excuse of doing the work he had left half done, he took the car and drove to the company, which was empty because it was Sunday. Maybe that was not a good idea after all. In the parking, he remembered that night they went to home together. In the hall, near the elevator, the memory of that crash which started everything was still so clear into his mind. In the elevator itself, his body could not help but recall that heat inside of him when Kazunari touched him. Then, walking through the hallway, he looked by his side, finding the toilets, and his heart truly ached. Slowly, he came into the office and he could still see the moment when Ninomiya was announced as boss. His steps were indecisive and heavy, but he got to reach his boss's office, just on the same spot as he fainted the other day. Just then, he realized that he did not want to work, he was just searching for a chance to see him again. To be close again. To be hugged again. He smiled bitterly. How could he be so stupid?
Feeling incredibly ridiculous there, he decided to turn around to approach his desk, but instead, he found another man with him. His heart stopped, his stomach went upside down, his legs started to tremble. What was that? What was happening to him? They only kept looking at each other for a long time until his boss decided to enter his office. Satoshi only felt cold wind when Ninomiya walked beside him. The employee turned and called his name. “Ninomiya” he did not know why he spoke it, his name once again. Why he sought his attention constantly. Even after saying that horrible sentence. Even after that, he did not know how he could be brave to call him and look straight at his eyes when his boss turned around.
“I’m your boss” Ninomiya only replied coldly. Satoshi gulped his pain, trying not to notice it was still there, harder than never. He worked hard on his composure not to seem defeated and be brave enough to say something. However, there was nothing into his mind. Just once more, he was just needing him without a reason. Just approaching and hugging him, just feeling his warmth surrounding his body. Satoshi simply needed that back. He had gotten used to him so fast it seemed even a joke, and how glad he would be if it were just a prank by his heart, however, he had not felt anything alike in his life. So pure, innocent… Real.
“What are you doing here?” suddenly, Kazunari asked with that voice he started to know so well. Ohno was doubting if he should approach and just let him hug his soul tightly, but after all, he had just broken everything which had begun to be built.
“I wanted to work and do all I couldn’t yesterday” Ohno answered nervously. The tension between them was palpable, truly uncomfortable and also hated by the employee, who was biting his lower lip to control his desire of having him close again. He blinked a few times when his eyes observed how his hand brushed his hair and how he sighed while looking down. Why did he seem so perfect? A God in front of his being.
Slowly, he did a step forwards, which tried to cover with a few moves more like he was uncomfortable, but Ninomiya noticed it because he stayed fixed on him. Satoshi would love to be able to say something and go away, not to continue that horrible situation any second more. Nevertheless, his mind could not control his body and his legs walked and walked up to be in front of his boss. He raised his gaze innocently, maybe afraid too of his reaction. His right hand became a fist when he felt the urge to caress his cheek. And more when Ninomiya caught his chin, but it disappeared quickly when that grip became painful and he pushed his head to a side strongly. His heart truly ached at that moment, being shocked by his rude attitude. His eyes glanced at him several times because he was not brave enough to keep looking at those burning eyes. Just then, he discovered how angry he was.
“What am I for you? A toy to use when you want?” Kazunari spoke rudely and Satoshi only widened his eyes. Was that what he meant with his behaviour? Ohno ran to explain him, but his boss was faster. “I’m fed up with you” he approached, intimidating him until the point of being unable to raise his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re playing. Are you truly the stupid husband or the one who started to fuck your own marriage, huh?” he spoke carelessly, with those eyes hating him too much. Ohno only reacted looking at him angrily, even like that Ninomiya did not stop. “Are you truly so sad about your wife cheating on you? Or is that just an excuse to get what you want, huh?” Ninomiya spat despicably, just as Ohno could remember, and the latter had enough. Why was he always bearing that attitude, those words?
Then, as if he was out of control, his hands caught his shirt tightly and looked into his eyes without even blinking. “I love her, okay? Never say again that I'm playing with her or even with you again. I won't allow that” he muttered so close to Ninomiya's face, which seemed calm. Abruptly, he felt two hands grabbing his waist and how they pulled him backwards until crashing his back against the wall. He closed his eyes due to the pain he was feeling in it, but opened them at the same instant the other man talked.
“First, if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t cheat on her. And second, as if you care about me” Kazunari replied huskily near his mouth. Ohno was taken aback by that. He could not defend himself regarding the first accusation, but the second was completely wrong because he did. More than he would like to, but he did from the bottom of his heart.
“I do, I care about you” Satoshi confessed, perhaps not mattering what his boss would understand in its hidden meaning. His hands dropped his shirt, but kept there as long as he could not lower them because of their closeness, so his fingertips rubbed his jaw fleetingly. However, they became two fists when another hit the wall beside his head. Ohno hid his face on his neck by the surprise and breathed hard against his skin. When he realized his actions, his head returned to its original place, this time finding a lost man again. That expression he had seen already too many times.
“And why did you say that yesterday? Why did you do that and now you come to me?” Ninomiya asked, his eyes showing how much rage he was feeling at that moment. Ohno could not keep on staring at them so he lowered his gaze, not knowing what to say or do. There was no way he could confess that, the truth behind his actions. After all, that man, who was waiting for an explanation, was still an unknown. Someone he did not know. No matter how much time they had spent together. No matter how many kisses or hugs they had exchanged. No matter if they had had sex. Everything of that seemed useless when he tried to think about information regarding Ninomiya. The most he knew was his name, his age and where he lived. Then, why? Why was he feeling that inside of his chest every time they were near?
“I was bad yesterday… And I didn’t think well what I was saying. I just tried not to be hurt again” he explained as good as he could what had happened inside his mind. Ninomiya sighed and did a step backwards to turn around and walk to his desk. Satoshi hesitated if he should approach him, but he got the answer when Ninomiya looked at him again.
“And me?! Do you think I deserved that just because you were bad? How selfish can you be?! You cheat on your wife with me, but also treat me like if I were nothing else but the second choice when she's with another man! Can you stop considering me as bullshit?!” he yelled at Satoshi with all his might. Sweat was falling from his forehead noticeably and he was breathing hard; indeed, that affected Ninomiya more than Ohno could expect. And instead of trying to avoid that, Satoshi did not care and only searched for his own benefit. His boss could not be more right. And Ohno could not be more speechless. But even like that, the employee was not able to control his desire to show him how wrong his last sentence was. Because Ohno had never considered him as bullshit, neither the first time they met. It was just that his acts were so contradictory and mistaken even by himself. That was why, without a doubt, he approached quickly, caught his face with both hands tightly and kissed his lips softly. At first, it was not returned, nothing came from the other man, but slowly, both pairs of lips moved at the same time. Satoshi was surprised by it, he did not expect that, what was more, he was waiting for a hard push and more shouts. Instead, he received tender kisses. Ohno did not want to stop because he was so afraid of what would happen after, however, Ninomiya forced him to. Their gazes crashed and just to soften it a bit, Satoshi's hands caressed his cheeks sweetly.
“You have never been my second option since I know you” suddenly, he confessed in a brave moment of his heart and Ninomiya tilted his head a bit while frowning his right eyebrow slightly.
“Ohno, do you like me?”
//Hi! Here you have the sixth chapter too! Omg already the sixth... Well. Actually for some reason, I don't like too much the chapter. Maybe it's just that possibly I've read it already like 6-7 times (yes...) or as long as they fight so much... Well, I have no idea but meh. So I truly hope these two stupid bipolar men will make you have a great time reading ✌
Thank you again for all the support 💕
Pairing:: Ohno Satoshi/OC, Ohno Satoshi/Ninomiya Kazunari
Genre:: angst, romance, drama, office!au
Length:: chaptered
Word Count:: 6940 words
Rating:: PG-13
His whole body was hurting, but under him, there was a soft mattress which made moving less painful. He was lying on his belly, so, to see what was surrounding him, Satoshi decided to roll and look at the ceiling. His eyes were not used to the shy light the sun was starting to show, so his hands just brushed them while frowning with a little growl. Somehow, that bed felt so cold when he knew it had been so warm the whole night, so he searched for that heat source unsuccessfully. Slowly, Ohno sat up to take a look around, finding an empty room. His feet touched the floor, which was covered by their clothes. Had he been able to do it? His gaze was lowered to see his own body. Naked. He was totally naked. So it had not been a dream. What had he done? He brushed his hair, feeling his heart pounding inside his chest. Should he dress up? He liked being naked through the house, but it was not his. Well, Kazunari would not see anything new after all, so he walked between the clothes and peeked in the living room. He saw a man, wearing only his boxers, sitting on the floor with a coffee on the table in front of him. Without thinking about it, Satoshi opened the door to show up, his cheeks a bit flushed and his lip being caught by his teeth. His eyes looked straight at those wide ones, which were following every step he took. Without words, Kazunari moved a bit to see how Satoshi placed a foot at each side of his legs and sat on his thighs. Satoshi's hands rubbed his torso slowly, then his shoulders and they ended up playing with his hair when Ninomiya kissed his lips softly. His back felt two warm hands crossing his spine until reaching his butt to stroke it. Ohno could not control again that desire inside of him and his tongue searched for Kazunari's lustfully. Why? Why did he need that? Why was he enjoying that with all his being? Why was he being the worst husband of that world? Abruptly, his boss broke the kiss to create a short conversation between them.
“How do you feel?” his voice was sweet and a hand caressed his flushed cheek. Ohno titled a bit his head, loving that contact. If it were not forbidden, he would think he had found his perfect life.
“Maybe, a bit tired” he curved his lips into a shy smile and Kazunari followed him with a tender chuckle. Ohno dared to catch his face with a hand and rub his free cheek with his nose, smelling his scent of soap. “But I'm better than never” that confession was a mutter. That little secret was only known by Ninomiya, how he had loved it.
“You should continue sleeping. It's so early yet” he said while embracing his small body tighter. Ohno rested his head on his shoulder, being so comfortable there to change his place. His mind could work already and he remembered that he had to return to his house sooner or later. Then, he realized the little fact that even if Kazunari had rejected his plan at first, they ended up in his apartment. He was so curious about that that he could not shut up.
“Ninomiya” he called him by his surname, knowing that calling him as boss was already stupid. That man embracing him only rubbed his hair with a little growl as reply. “Why did you take me here?” he asked with a pouty voice. Ninomiya only sighed and kissed his shoulder.
“Because I know that you will be fine with me, that I will take care of you properly” he explained with a serious tone. Maybe husky and low, but Satoshi loved it. What he had said and how he had said it. However, Ohno could feel how the ambient turned weird between them and he had the urge to do a kind of joke.
“If you take care of everyone this well, I will be jealous” he laughed slightly, trying to soften that tension, but he raised his face when it even grew up. His chin became an evident pout while looking at those distant eyes. What was wrong? Kazunari lowered his gaze as if he was feeling bad because of something.
“We can't be jealous of each other, we have to go on with our lives…” he spoke in a soft mutter and Satoshi realized the hardness of his own joke. It was not a proper moment to say something alike. That was why he attempted to find a way to fix it quickly, he hated seeing his boss like that.
“I know, it was a joke after all” he smiled, downplaying it as if he did not care. In reality, his heart ached so hard due to the truth of their lives. Having to accept they were unable to feel anything else that pure attraction and desire for each other. When Satoshi was sure there were many more, but also that they had to keep hidden.
“We have to talk about it” Ninomiya raised his gaze suddenly. He seemed sad and unwilling to continue, but still forcing himself to talk. “This, what we did, is nothing more but…” he tried to rate it as something already predetermined, however his answer did not come and Ohno thought quickly to help him.
“This is just an affair” Satoshi agreed, not showing how painful it was for him. “I have a wife and you… I'm sure you have someone you like, so we should just consider these as…” this time, he was the one without words to include all they had done. His brain could not work faster, but nothing was coming. Then, Kazunari took over as he had done before.
“Sexual meetings. We just meet, have sex and continue our lives after” Ninomiya seemed as having understood his idea and sharing it. Ohno nodded, realizing it was a good way to call it and stood up because he was unable to keep so close to him anymore. Why was it painful? It was just considering Kazunari as an affair, why then?
“I'm going to take a shower” he announced with a smile, which disappeared at the next second, and his boss nodded, looking down, like if he were in another planet. Satoshi tried not to care and approached the bedroom to take his bag. Then, he remembered that he had forgotten to check his phone completely and rushed to turn it on and discover several messages. Only one highlighted.
From:: Matsumoto Jun
So nice to know you're better. Even if you say that, I still feel bad about it. What do you think of having lunch someday and talking about this in person? I want to tell you some things. I will wait for your answer.
That was pretty odd, asking for a meal together so suddenly. But Ohno was truly curious about what he wanted to tell him so he typed the answer before taking the shower.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
Sorry for the waiting. I would like to go drink one day after work and talk. We will concrete the day in the office.
Satoshi knew that he had been so rude, but somehow, he was not in the mood to be nice. He was unable to be kind with anyone. He felt a sudden anger through his veins. The morning had started well, why was he annoyed now? In some way, it was simple. He had heard what he did not want. And that was always painful. So, not to remember it over and over again, he entered the living room and left the phone on the table a bit stronger than pretended. “Is something bad?” Kazunari asked without a doubt and Ohno thanked him mentally for worrying about him, but it was impossible he could talk about that with him, mostly because he was the main problem.
“No, it just dropped from my hand” the employee clarified and walked to the bathroom without looking behind. His hand closed the door and he opened the shower tap to see how the water started to fall. His body was placed under it and his skin burnt. His hands were placed on the wall and his forehead followed them to end up feeling something cold under his wet hair, which was over his eyes, covering the first tears that dared to seem as water. He wondered why. Why could he not continue having his last life, that which he had lived for a year, which seemed a bit boring and unhappy, but it was three times better than the actual situation? Just almost a week was needed to change everything without noticing. Ninomiya had become his perdition. He was losing everything just because he wanted a few kisses, some warm hugs and a great fuck. Actually, he felt as his boss's slut. Giving him his ass as if he were paying for it… What else did he want? He had all he desired. Proper studies, a good job, a beautiful wife, a big house, a nice car. He could buy any type of whim, expensive food, clothes, trips. Then, why did he choose the most complicated of all? The one which would ruin all he had won. The one which was impossible to obtain completely. The one which was forbidden. At least if Ninomiya liked him… But Ohno just seemed a nice toy to use. Their conversation had left it so clear. And maybe that was what was hurting him the most. Not sharing the same feelings.
Being fed up of that, he took a quick shower and dried his body to dress another pair of T-shirt and trousers. It felt so nice, he was not used to wear it as long as his job always required a suit. Then, before going outside, Ohno took a look at the mirror. His hand brushed his wet hair, trying to put it in a cool way. When he noticed how ridiculous he was being, his hand messed it up completely, breaking the previous attempt of hairstyle. Then, he caught his bag and went outside, having to cross through the living room to reach the bedroom. Kazunari was still there, checking his phone. But… since when was it black? If he remembered correctly, Ninomiya's was white. Satoshi realized in less than a second and left the bag on the floor to run to his boss and tore the phone away from his hands. “What the fuck are you doing with my phone?!” he yelled at him, being totally mad at his actions. Why had he done that? Was the meaning of privacy not clear for him?
“So Matsumoto, huh?” Kazunari only said with an eyebrow raised. Ohno opened his mouth in disbelief. Was he serious? He took a look at the screen and indeed, Matsumoto chat was opened and there was a new message.
“You don't have the right to check chats which aren't yours!” Satoshi scolded him severely, but Ninomiya seemed as simply not caring about it. That man only stood up and got closer to the employee. His face looked angry, and if he was fed up with something. Ohno only exited all the pages in his phone and turned it off to put it inside his pocket. When he raised his head to return to his boss, the latter was almost touching their noses. Why? What did he want now? Satoshi tried to step backwards, feeling so disturbed by what he had done, however, Ninomiya continued walking until he was reduced to be trapped against the wall.
“So you are going to drink with him, right?” his voice sounded tense and bothered. Satoshi widened his eyes. He was jealous. Horribly jealous for wanting to meet a man after work. When they were nothing. When he had been the first who said they could not be jealous. That was a complete nonsense.
“It’s not like I have to explain you what I do with my life” Ohno pushed him, but he seemed as stuck there in front of him. One of his forearms was placed beside his head left side. Every time a bit closer.
“Aren’t you satisfied already with two? Do you want more? More dicks to fuck you?” he spat mercilessly. Actually, that truly hurt him. How he said it, how he looked at him, how he treated him as a simple slut. He had already enough to bear with, Satoshi did not need more shit around to handle as well. Suddenly, his anger filled him and made him push his boss away strongly, freeing himself.
“I’m not a slut who goes fucking everyone everyday! What's more I don't like men! I've never been with a man before, you were the first last night!” he confessed while shouting without stop. He was in the verge of crying due to Kazunari's last, harsh words. He had no right to be jealous, much less to say all of that so carelessly. He had a heart too, which was suffering more than anyone could think at that moment. His fingers wiped away the tears in his eyes in a fast move to look up and find a lost man in the middle of the room. “You read it, right? He only wants to tell me something. If I chose after work is because we have more time to talk” he explained, not knowing why if Kazunari did not deserve any explanation, but even like that, Ohno did it to stop any stupid idea inside of his head. And he wanted to know if he had gotten it, but his boss kept silent, lowering his gaze as if he had realized how wrong he had been. Satoshi decided not to waste more time there. At that moment, the last thing he wanted was being with Kazunari if he thought that about him. His eyes looked at that man, who was standing still, and his heart ached as never before. Why?
Not wanting to think anymore, he walked to the bedroom, catching the clothes on the floor to put them in the bag. Then, he approached the nightstand and saw the lube bottle. His hand was placed on his stomach quickly when he felt the pleasure of last night once more by recalling what they had done on that bed. Satoshi glanced at the grey sheets, discovering white stains. Those were the proofs of how much they both had enjoyed each other last night, how his skin was feeling his warm hands, how he closed his eyes and could still see that man moving behind him. And when he was breathing slowly to calm his body after such memories, a well-known warmth surrounded his torso and back. Ohno caught one hand to set it aside, but Ninomiya caught it on time to keep on hugging him and he was weak. So weak he hated it. More when two lips kissed his neck softly, reaching his ear to breathe beside it. “I’m sorry…” he murmured, his voice showing regrets and sadness.
“Do you really think I let anyone fuck me?” Ohno asked coldly, lowly. He had no more strength to continue overcoming hurtful situations every time he thought his life was starting to get better. He opened his eyes when a hot forehead was rested on his shoulder and shaken as a negation, but Kazunari did not answer with words. “I’ve just done it with my wife… And you… So how are you capable of saying that about me?” Satoshi spoke his thoughts as if Ninomiya were not there. He would not have been able to ask that if his boss had been looking at him. Ohno was not the type of person who could say what he thought, it was much better to keep silent for him. Like that, he did not have arguments or problems with anyone, but with Ninomiya, everything he felt, he thought, he desired had to be exposed at the next second. He could not control it.
“Why only with two?” Ninomiya asked suddenly, forgetting his question. Satoshi did not want to answer to that, he would seem so stupid and ridiculous, so he just opted to avoid it.
“And you? How many?” Ohno turned a bit his head to find Ninomiya's hair. His face was raised after and their gazes crashed. He was waiting for the answer, which seemed impossible to get because his boss did not speak. Ohno decided to look at the nightstand again and catch his watch.
“I don't count them. Two girls, five or six men… I usually get bored swiftly, that’s why I’ve never had a relationship. All of that was… sporadic” his boss answered with a soft voice beside his ear and Satoshi chuckled bitterly.
“I wonder how long you will be interested in me then” he tried to separate their bodies by breaking that hug, but Kazunari was stronger and Satoshi was weaker when that man cuddled him.
“What are you saying?” he sounded surprised and hurt. Finally, Satoshi only turned around to look at him, straight into his eyes. Slowly, Ninomiya pushed him backwards until finding the wall. Ohno was trying not to succumb, not to observe those thin lips or not to hug his body. He needed to be as frozen as ice so Kazunari would not have any chance.
“It's pretty clear, I am another short affair to enjoy superficially, right?” his smile disappeared when his own brain processed that fact. Maybe had he done all of the hospital just to take him to the bed? Maybe had he seemed worried just to be able to fuck him? Had he used him? Was Ninomiya using him at that moment?
“No. You…” his boss looked troubled while trying to talk. Just then, Satoshi could feel that he had no excuse for that, no argument to say because it was the reality. For once he thought someone was caring about him, it was just in exchange for sex. How stupid could he be?
“I want to go home” Ohno spoke trying to set him aside, but Kazunari just approached more. Their noses were touching, that was why Satoshi started to panic, his hands pushing him over his torso. “Ninomiya, let me go…” his voice was anguished, he did not want anything else from that being. However, Kazunari kissed him harshly, moving his lips fast and deep. Ohno broke it by turning his head around as soon as he could react, but no matter how much he tried it, Ninomiya caught his chin and kissed him several times more. Ohno was feeling so powerless because even if he was truly angry and disappointed with him, he was loving those kisses as always, how their lips connected perfectly, how his adrenaline filled his veins. And at the same time, he was hurting himself, he was betraying himself being unable to stop. Why? Why were his eyes watery? By the fact of not being able to stop or because of Kazunari using him to fuck? Abruptly, he sobbed in the middle of the kiss, hating himself for not controlling his weeping. At the next instant, Ninomiya broke it to notice he was crying, his hands covering his eyes as soon as he had space to move his arms. Satoshi hated crying in front of someone, he always hid it, that was why he tried to escape unsuccessfully.
Kazunari caressed his cheek softly, his eyes widened and his mouth a bit open. Their gazes met for only one second, but it was enough to find a lost man in front of him. Satoshi tried to set him aside once more and this time, Ninomiya did not keep on caressing his cheek and did a step backwards instead. Ohno did a step forwards, walking to his bag, but he stopped for a second when he realized how his mind was wishing for Ninomiya not letting him go. But as always, it was not a fairy tail and he could not desire such actions when he was the first who stopped them. That was why the employee kept on walking and caught his bag. With a sigh, trying to find strength from anywhere, he turned around and faced an absent-minded Kazunari. “Where are my keys?” his voice sounded insecure and his boss raised his eyes quickly, surprised by his question.
“I will take you home” he said before opening his closet and catching a few clothes to dress up. Sincerely, he was grateful, but it was not needed. So Satoshi only rejected it and asked once again for his keys. “Don't worry about that” Kazunari continued to dress up and insist on driving. However, Ohno needed a while alone to calm himself and think, due to that, he persuaded him.
“I want to drive this tim-“
“I told you that I will drive!” he yelled at him even before letting him end and Ohno was just taken aback by such reaction. Ninomiya was sweating, breathless, he could even say with scared eyes. The employee only gulped and nodded without a word. Five seconds after, he glanced at a lost man. “I’m sorry, I-“ Satoshi did not want to hear him, not anymore when what he heard was only hurting him. “Satoshi!” his name was spoken behind him, but he only walked to the door and got out of that apartment. His eyes looked at the nowhere while his legs were stepping forwards slowly. Was that shout needed? Was not there any moment he was not suffering? He was fed up of that situation. Always crying and feeling how his chest was squeezed. He hated that. He hated that with all his might. That was why he kicked his car wheel instead of shouting.
“Why are you doing this to me…?” he muttered for himself while wiping his tears. Suddenly, a hand was placed on his shoulder and Ohno turned around surprised. In front of him, an ashamed man appeared with the keys in his hand.
“Here you have. I will see you on Monday in the company” his voice was a murmur and his eyes were lowered, looking at any other thing less him. Ohno just took the keys; their hands touched slightly and their eyes searched for each other. Did he truly want to drive alone? He wondered that during the few seconds they kept looking at the other. This time, he would not suffer anymore or commit more mistakes with him. Satoshi only bowed and got into the car without looking back. Through the window, Ninomiya was still there, watching how he started the car and drove to home. Due to that last image, Satoshi tightened his grip around the steering wheel, feeling how he had the urge to stop and come back to his arms. There was no other place in which he felt safer than into his warm embrace. And his heart kept on telling, begging him to turn around and come back to that apartment, just at least to ask him to drive to his house. Those ten minutes they would remain together would mean like two hours, but he had messed up thanks to his stubbornness. Ohno would never learn. And that was what hurt him the most. That he would never do what his heart told him to.
*****
His hand caught the door handle to open it and enter his house. When his eyes were lowered, he found a pair of shoes. Shoes belonged to a man. A knot was formed in his throat, making breathing hard. His hands removed his own shoes slowly, not knowing if he wanted to know who was or what he was doing there. Ohno left his bag on the floor too, as if he was preparing himself to escape at any second, and he walked to the living room. No one. He heard some voices coming from the kitchen so he headed to that room straight. The door was opened, a man sighing deeply before peeking inside to discover his wife cooking something with a man sitting on a chair by her side. Ohno could only stare at that big hand almost touching her butt before they noticed him on the threshold. Indeed, staying with Kazunari would have been the best decision.
“Darling! What are you doing here?” she tried to seem surprised, but her voice only revealed disappointment. He had never felt that unwelcomed before, and less coming from his own wife. Satoshi only glanced at that cool man, observing him with superb eyes, his blonde hair, tall, muscled. For sure he was not 100% Japanese. Yoko was not stupid.
“I didn’t want to disturb you and I think I did well” Ohno lied to her and continued before she could speak to him back. “I’m going to draw, have fun, whatever you are doing” his voice was cold, but his gaze showed hatefulness towards that man and frustration towards her. He was not in the mood of even asking about his name, that was why he closed the door and went upstairs, not expecting her to chase him either.
Maybe he was too shocked or too hurt, but he was calm, he was not feeling anything at that point when he dressed up his white coat and sat on the chair in front of the unfinished canvas. His eyes kept on observing that sketch of a naked man, lying on a futon, his legs mixed with the sheets. Recalling which memory made him draw it, it was impossible not to glance at his phone, over a near table, and as an impulse, he checked it without a reason. His heart pounded when he read he found a message of his boss in the notification panel. His finger tapped it to open the mail and read it.
From:: Ninomiya Kazunari
Did you arrive well? I'm worried, please send me back a message.
His mind was blocked. How had he gotten his number? What was more, how did Satoshi have his boss's number in his phone? The employee was feeling as falling into the nowhere. Why was his heart beating as crazy? Why was his body sweating that much? Ohno did not believe himself as capable to write a message back, his hands were trembling a bit. However, he needed to talk to him, so slowly, small words began to come and be written in his response.
From:: Ohno Satoshi
I'm fine. Thanks for your concern.
It was pretty rude and brief, but nothing else came to his mind to write. He was not in the mode of brainstorming to get a proper message. Less when it was for Kazunari. Somehow, Satoshi could feel that his boss would not be going to take it as a bad message. That was why he left it on the table and got ready to continue his painting. Suddenly, his phone started to ring and the scare in him was strong. His eyes glanced at the screen to see his boss's name on it. What was that? Why was he calling him? Victim of the curiosity and his desire to talk with him, he picked it up.
“Hi” that was pretty weird as long as it was the first time they talked by call. He could only hear a breath and then, a husky voice.
“What’s happening?” that was the only thing Ninomiya said. Satoshi smiled bitterly, trying to cope with his tears in his eyes.
“You were right, I would have been better with you” he confessed with a tiny voice. Ohno was doubting even if he had been able to hear it.
“You’re on time to come back” his perfect idea was convincing Satoshi to get out of there and go with him. However, he needed time to think about everything. Or just simply not to think anymore. His life was just drowning him in a sea he did not know his mind could be until that day.
“No, it's too late… Too late…” he muttered while rubbing his hair with his free hand. That pain in his chest was burning again. He wondered why it hurt so badly. Why not being able to have Ninomiya hurt so badly. “If I had thought about it, if I had known it…” he started to cry without stop. He was just regretting all his life. Everything he had gotten through work and what he thought was right had become a lie. He was living a lie. Was there something worse? Was there something more pathetic?
“Ohno, do you want me to go there? We can meet anywhe-“
“I don't want to see you again” he cut him off. Briefly, rudely, coldly. He did not think that. The pain into his chest only blamed his boss, that was why his mind spoke that without noticing what that meant after all. Everything started when Ninomiya appeared, all his disgrace showed up when Ninomiya crashed into him that night. No matter how hard it would be, if the problem was his boss, he would not continue it. He would not stay with him. He would not act as more as his employee. If everything started because of Kazunari, Satoshi would finish it with him. That was what he thought after, but of course, all those reasons, all those arguments, were not valid for his heart. It was still living a lie, feelings lies, expecting a lie in the future. Was that okay? Just continue that lie because he could not stop that problem in any other way? Or better said, he did not know any other way and was just too scared like to confront his wife, his boss, everything in general. Like that silence after his words, Ohno was completely lost about what would happen between them from that moment on. Besides, he was not brave to speak anything else. His ears only waited for a reply, an answer back, but nothing came. Just a deep sigh and the call was hung up.
Only then, he knew that any opportunity to change his life had just vanished. Only then, he realized at least one way more. Only then, he tried to call him back, but no one answered. Only then, Satoshi's tears became the hardest he had to cry in his whole life. And, only then, he discovered how much he needed him.
*****
Saturday was grey. His life was grey since that call. And just because of his fault. Because he could not see properly what he wanted, what made him happy, which future he desired to live and beside who. Everything was confusing around him without a sign or a hint which would help him. Inside of him, Satoshi could find his answer, the one he needed, but somehow, he was afraid of which one it was, so living in the ignorance, in that constant sadness mixed with anguish, was better than accepting the reality of his feelings. He did not think he was able to do that, to feel strong enough like to change, to confront his fears and his life. He had never done it, it was impossible now. That was why he could not keep in his house. His mind only thought and thought without stop, he had nothing to do, so nothing was occupying his mind. Less one person.
Just finding one way to release himself from that unbearable anguish surrounding his heart, with the excuse of doing the work he had left half done, he took the car and drove to the company, which was empty because it was Sunday. Maybe that was not a good idea after all. In the parking, he remembered that night they went to home together. In the hall, near the elevator, the memory of that crash which started everything was still so clear into his mind. In the elevator itself, his body could not help but recall that heat inside of him when Kazunari touched him. Then, walking through the hallway, he looked by his side, finding the toilets, and his heart truly ached. Slowly, he came into the office and he could still see the moment when Ninomiya was announced as boss. His steps were indecisive and heavy, but he got to reach his boss's office, just on the same spot as he fainted the other day. Just then, he realized that he did not want to work, he was just searching for a chance to see him again. To be close again. To be hugged again. He smiled bitterly. How could he be so stupid?
Feeling incredibly ridiculous there, he decided to turn around to approach his desk, but instead, he found another man with him. His heart stopped, his stomach went upside down, his legs started to tremble. What was that? What was happening to him? They only kept looking at each other for a long time until his boss decided to enter his office. Satoshi only felt cold wind when Ninomiya walked beside him. The employee turned and called his name. “Ninomiya” he did not know why he spoke it, his name once again. Why he sought his attention constantly. Even after saying that horrible sentence. Even after that, he did not know how he could be brave to call him and look straight at his eyes when his boss turned around.
“I’m your boss” Ninomiya only replied coldly. Satoshi gulped his pain, trying not to notice it was still there, harder than never. He worked hard on his composure not to seem defeated and be brave enough to say something. However, there was nothing into his mind. Just once more, he was just needing him without a reason. Just approaching and hugging him, just feeling his warmth surrounding his body. Satoshi simply needed that back. He had gotten used to him so fast it seemed even a joke, and how glad he would be if it were just a prank by his heart, however, he had not felt anything alike in his life. So pure, innocent… Real.
“What are you doing here?” suddenly, Kazunari asked with that voice he started to know so well. Ohno was doubting if he should approach and just let him hug his soul tightly, but after all, he had just broken everything which had begun to be built.
“I wanted to work and do all I couldn’t yesterday” Ohno answered nervously. The tension between them was palpable, truly uncomfortable and also hated by the employee, who was biting his lower lip to control his desire of having him close again. He blinked a few times when his eyes observed how his hand brushed his hair and how he sighed while looking down. Why did he seem so perfect? A God in front of his being.
Slowly, he did a step forwards, which tried to cover with a few moves more like he was uncomfortable, but Ninomiya noticed it because he stayed fixed on him. Satoshi would love to be able to say something and go away, not to continue that horrible situation any second more. Nevertheless, his mind could not control his body and his legs walked and walked up to be in front of his boss. He raised his gaze innocently, maybe afraid too of his reaction. His right hand became a fist when he felt the urge to caress his cheek. And more when Ninomiya caught his chin, but it disappeared quickly when that grip became painful and he pushed his head to a side strongly. His heart truly ached at that moment, being shocked by his rude attitude. His eyes glanced at him several times because he was not brave enough to keep looking at those burning eyes. Just then, he discovered how angry he was.
“What am I for you? A toy to use when you want?” Kazunari spoke rudely and Satoshi only widened his eyes. Was that what he meant with his behaviour? Ohno ran to explain him, but his boss was faster. “I’m fed up with you” he approached, intimidating him until the point of being unable to raise his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re playing. Are you truly the stupid husband or the one who started to fuck your own marriage, huh?” he spoke carelessly, with those eyes hating him too much. Ohno only reacted looking at him angrily, even like that Ninomiya did not stop. “Are you truly so sad about your wife cheating on you? Or is that just an excuse to get what you want, huh?” Ninomiya spat despicably, just as Ohno could remember, and the latter had enough. Why was he always bearing that attitude, those words?
Then, as if he was out of control, his hands caught his shirt tightly and looked into his eyes without even blinking. “I love her, okay? Never say again that I'm playing with her or even with you again. I won't allow that” he muttered so close to Ninomiya's face, which seemed calm. Abruptly, he felt two hands grabbing his waist and how they pulled him backwards until crashing his back against the wall. He closed his eyes due to the pain he was feeling in it, but opened them at the same instant the other man talked.
“First, if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t cheat on her. And second, as if you care about me” Kazunari replied huskily near his mouth. Ohno was taken aback by that. He could not defend himself regarding the first accusation, but the second was completely wrong because he did. More than he would like to, but he did from the bottom of his heart.
“I do, I care about you” Satoshi confessed, perhaps not mattering what his boss would understand in its hidden meaning. His hands dropped his shirt, but kept there as long as he could not lower them because of their closeness, so his fingertips rubbed his jaw fleetingly. However, they became two fists when another hit the wall beside his head. Ohno hid his face on his neck by the surprise and breathed hard against his skin. When he realized his actions, his head returned to its original place, this time finding a lost man again. That expression he had seen already too many times.
“And why did you say that yesterday? Why did you do that and now you come to me?” Ninomiya asked, his eyes showing how much rage he was feeling at that moment. Ohno could not keep on staring at them so he lowered his gaze, not knowing what to say or do. There was no way he could confess that, the truth behind his actions. After all, that man, who was waiting for an explanation, was still an unknown. Someone he did not know. No matter how much time they had spent together. No matter how many kisses or hugs they had exchanged. No matter if they had had sex. Everything of that seemed useless when he tried to think about information regarding Ninomiya. The most he knew was his name, his age and where he lived. Then, why? Why was he feeling that inside of his chest every time they were near?
“I was bad yesterday… And I didn’t think well what I was saying. I just tried not to be hurt again” he explained as good as he could what had happened inside his mind. Ninomiya sighed and did a step backwards to turn around and walk to his desk. Satoshi hesitated if he should approach him, but he got the answer when Ninomiya looked at him again.
“And me?! Do you think I deserved that just because you were bad? How selfish can you be?! You cheat on your wife with me, but also treat me like if I were nothing else but the second choice when she's with another man! Can you stop considering me as bullshit?!” he yelled at Satoshi with all his might. Sweat was falling from his forehead noticeably and he was breathing hard; indeed, that affected Ninomiya more than Ohno could expect. And instead of trying to avoid that, Satoshi did not care and only searched for his own benefit. His boss could not be more right. And Ohno could not be more speechless. But even like that, the employee was not able to control his desire to show him how wrong his last sentence was. Because Ohno had never considered him as bullshit, neither the first time they met. It was just that his acts were so contradictory and mistaken even by himself. That was why, without a doubt, he approached quickly, caught his face with both hands tightly and kissed his lips softly. At first, it was not returned, nothing came from the other man, but slowly, both pairs of lips moved at the same time. Satoshi was surprised by it, he did not expect that, what was more, he was waiting for a hard push and more shouts. Instead, he received tender kisses. Ohno did not want to stop because he was so afraid of what would happen after, however, Ninomiya forced him to. Their gazes crashed and just to soften it a bit, Satoshi's hands caressed his cheeks sweetly.
“You have never been my second option since I know you” suddenly, he confessed in a brave moment of his heart and Ninomiya tilted his head a bit while frowning his right eyebrow slightly.
“Ohno, do you like me?”
//Hi! Here you have the sixth chapter too! Omg already the sixth... Well. Actually for some reason, I don't like too much the chapter. Maybe it's just that possibly I've read it already like 6-7 times (yes...) or as long as they fight so much... Well, I have no idea but meh. So I truly hope these two stupid bipolar men will make you have a great time reading ✌
Thank you again for all the support 💕