Title: Retarded
Title: Retarded
Pairing: Homin
Author: suju_shinki
Rating: R
Genre: crack,fluff, y'know
Length: Oneshot
Summary: Changmin is perfect, Yunho is not. They're cousins.
AN: mizukikawaii this is for you, you cray
The one word Changmin hated most was 'average'. He knew it was somewhat obnoxious, that he was arrogant, but the idea of being 'average' made him cringe. He didn't want to be just another person, just another another guy, just another student. That wasn't him. He had always thought he was smarter than all the others, proved to be so with his grades which he kept at a maximum with minimum effort. He started realizing he was more attractive than most people during his first years of high school. People stared at him, stuttered when talking to him, sent him love notes and roses and all that when he was only 14 years old. He got older, started working. It was his next challenge, being good at sports. He was. He swam faster than most people, ran faster than most and had better ball control than most. He moved on to music, taught himself to play the guitar and found out he wasn't a bad singer. In his senior year of high school he found out there was a boy in his class who was ambidextrous. He couldn't let that slide. For a whole month straigh he forced himself to write with his left hand, though he was right handed. He knew it didn't have any use, it was a useless skill. He didn't care.
His first year of college was easy. He lived at home that year and decided that in his second year he'd move into a dormitory. Who knew, maybe it would bring something up.
Changmin knew that his cousin lived there, and he had quite pointedly ignored him whenever he saw him at the university in his first year. His cousin was an idiot. Smiled for no reason, walked into things and was at the lost and found at least once a week. His sentences were slow, and Changmin guessed so was his thought process.
He was forced into his life when their parents decided that Changmin had to move in with Yunho. It would be ridiculous not to do so. And Changmin respected his parents. He didn't say no, thinking maybe he could avoid him as much as possible. Wrong.
“Changmin, can I borrow that shirt?” “Changmin can you help me look for my keys?” Changmin, can you pick me up from dance practise tonight?” “Changmin, why are your eyes like that?” “Changmin, can I take a picture of you?” “Changmin, you're so smart.” “Changmin, do you want to go out?” “Changmin, let's hang out.” “Changmin, I was holding my toothbrush two seconds ago. Did you see where it went?” “Changmin, can I sleep in your bed? It's cold over here.” “Changmin, where are you going?” “Changmin, no stay here with me.” “No, Changmin, I'm not fondling your ass, I swear.”
Apparently they did have one thing in common and that was their sexuality. Yunho was gay and so were almost all of his friends. Who were equally retarded.
They had gathered in their room once with a bottle of tequila and Yunho forbade him to leave, said he wanted him to get to know his friends, to bond. Sure, they turned out to be quite amusing, retarded, but amusing.
There were three of them, two of which were clearly not on speaking terms and a third who kept looking at him and once in a while asked Yunho if he could cop a feel to which Yunho simply asked if he could break his hands. Yoochun and Junsu were the first two and they only spoke to each other through Yunho or Jaejoong, the third friend.
“Can you please tell Yoochun that I I'm not carrying his ass to his room if he gets to drunk to stand on his legs again?”
“Can you please tell Junsu that no one needs him.”
Changmin only observed through the whole thing. Yoochun and Junsu were clearly fucking. Jaejoong was clearly looking for someone to fuck and Yunho was just sitting there acting like his moronic self.
From that day onwards they started treating him as one of their friends and Changmin didn't know how he felt about that. He didn't dislike them, but did he really want to be associated with these people? Forever horny, forever joking and forever saying stupid things.
“Hey, Changmin, you have exams this week, right?”
yes, you moron, everyone has exams this week, Changmin wanted to say but stayed quiet instead.
“Because Yunho says you're really smart and he's expecting you to get A's for everything. Does that make you nervous?” Yoochun asked.
“Why would that make me nervous?” Changmin asked sipping on his milkshake.
“I'd be nervous if anyone expected that from me,” Yoochun shrugged.
“I'm not,” Changmin said. “But since you've settled yourself at my table now anyway I have a question for you. What's going on with you and Junsu?”
Yoochun sighed loudly and sat back. “I don't know...we've been on and off for over two years now. On for the last two months and then last week he went crazy and broke it off again.”
“He went crazy?” Changmin snorted.
“It's always the same thing. He wants me to stop smoking and to stop drinking. Forever. I tried cutting back on both, but fuck him if he thinks I'm going to change my whole life for him.”
“And your whole life consist of drinking and smoking,” Changmin concluded and Yoochun stared at him. “So, Junsu doesn't drink or smoke?”
“Nope. Good for him, but not everyone has the same moral standards. And you have no idea how apeshit he went when he found out I had gotten a tattoo.”
“You're a bit of an asshole aren't you?”
“Whatever,” Yoochun shrugged. “Your cousin wants to bang you.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Yunho was sitting on the floor in a split, shirtless. Changmin observed him. He observed, he didn't stare. He didn't. Yunho's back muscles were very interesting, he concluded. And those small shorts he wore did wonders for his thigh muscles.
“Changmin,” Yunho said while he leaned forward on his forearms.
“...What?” Changmin asked, just a few seconds too slow. He cursed himself for getting distracted by his cousin's body. Come on.
“You're always learning new stuff right?”
“Why?”
“I was wondering if you knew how to ride a motorcycle.”
Changmin lowered his book. “I don't.”
“Would you like to learn?”
“I don't have the money to take classes right now.,” Changmin said. “Why?”
“God, you ask that 'why' a lot. I want to teach you. Would you like me to teach you? We can lend my friend's bike and we can go to the park and bring sandwiches and buy ice cream if we feel like it.”
“...What kind of sandwiches?”
“The good kind. The ones we buy.”
“Fine. You're paying for everything. Go get your friend's motorcycle,” Changmin sighed and put his book down on his bed.
“Awesome,” Yunho grinned and got off the floor. He slipped into a white t-shirt and put on sneakers before leaving the room.
Changmin stretched and thought back to what Yoochun had said to him the other day. 'Your cousin wants to bang you.' As if Changmin didn't know that. What he didn't know was that it was so obvious to others. Had Yunho told someone or was he really that transparent? It was probably the second one. You don't go around telling people you want to bone your cousin.
There were quite a few countries in which cousin's marrying was not out of the ordinary at all. Though those cousins were usually a dude a girl, but that was besides the point. The point was that Yunho was hot, Changmin could use a shag and 'incest' was out of the ordinary where they lived. He didn't see a reason not to go for it.
Yunho came back for him and took him outside where the motorcycle was waiting for them. It was ridiculously big. Yunho sauntered up to it and got on. “Come on, I'll ride us to the park first.”
“Helmets,” Changmin said and Yunho shrugged.
“I'll be careful.”
That may have been one of the stupidest things Changmin had ever heard, but nevertheless, he got on. Yunho made the engine roar and Changmin's arms shot up and he grabbed a hold of his shirt. “Be careful,” Changmin growled and Yunho laughed. He didn't go too fast, seeing that they road through bustling streets until they reached the park. Changmin knew they had about two more hours of daylight left and he wondered if he could actually learn how to ride a motorcycle in two hours.
“You have to look out for the all the people,” Yunho said when they had traded places and Changmin was now sitting in the front and Yunho pressed against his back.
“Really now?” Changmin murmured. “So no riding with my eyes closed?”
“You're so funny,” Yunho drawled. “Only you're not and you're just annoying. Put your hands on the handles. Yeah, right there.”
Yunho spent the next fifteen minutes telling him exactly what he had to do, where and what everything was and how it worked. Changmin tried to soak it all in, but ended up getting distracted. Yunho was pressing up against him, his bare legs at his sides. He was good-looking, Changmin had to admit. Completely different from the guys with braces he used to occasionally see at family barbecues or Christmas get-togethers. He wondered what would happen if he put his hand on his thigh. He wasn't going to do it. That would be weird. If anything was to happen, it'd happen in their room.
“Now just squeeze,” Yunho said suddenly and put his hand around Changmin's. “Like this.” He squeezed his hand and the bike shot forward. Changmin fell into Yunho's chest and heard felt the chuckle he let out vibrate through his body. “Hold on,” Yunho said. Changmin wasn't doing anything but holding the handle bars and sitting there, while Yunho had all control over the vehicle.
It took Changmin about an hour to move a hundred feet on his own. Yunho sat behind him through the whole thing, putting his hands on Changmin's knees and his chin on his shoulder.
“My shoulder is getting numb,” Changmin stated after a while. “And I'm hungry. Is it time for sandwiches and ice cream yet?”
“Sure, why not.”
They came back to the dorms hours later and the first thing they noticed were Yoochun and Junsu sitting outside on a bench. It was dark, but Changmin noticed Yoochun's the puffy red eyes and Junsu's mortified expression.
He looked up and Yunho questioningly and Yunho pushed him inside. “Let them do their thing. They'll be fine.”
“He was crying.”
“You'll get used to it,” Yunho shrugged. “They fight, break up, they fight some more, Yoochun cries and they get back together.”
“That's not normal.”
“And?”
“Nothing. Just saying,” Changmin said as they reached their room.
“I saw them once,” Yunho suddenly said when they were all settled in. “You have to promise not to tell them. But I saw them have sex once.”
Changmin's head shot up and he stared at him. “How did that happen?”
Yunho looked uncomfortable for a second before he looked up at the ceiling and started talking. “It was at a party a few months ago. I was looking for so we could leave and I found them. Doing it. In a beach chair in the backyard.
“Oh. And?”
“They were...surprisingly gentle, I guess.”
“That's not what I was asking. What happened? Did they see you?”
Yunho got up from his bed and settled on the edge of Changmin's. “They didn't see me. Not to be mean or anythig, but you know like when there's a car crash? You just have to stop and stare.”
“Their sex was like a car crash,” Changmin stated, even though he knew it wasn't the point.
“No, I mean-”
“You mean you watched them,” Changmin said, “until the end.”
“...Yeah.”
Changmin squirmed and turned to lie on his side, popping himself up on his elbow. “So it was gentle?”
Yunho's eyes widened for a second before he smiled and bit his lip. “They were sweet, I guess. They have huge mouths, you know? They talk shit about each other all the time, but I know for a fact that they'll always end up like what you saw today. Tomorrow, they'll be back together.”
Changmin froze when Yunho moved to lie down, facing him. Their lips touched without much of a warning from either side. He didn't know who kissed who first, he only knew it felt good and he didn't want to stop.
“This is so uncool,” Yunho panted when they broke apart. “Do you know how wrong this is?”
“Do you care?”
Yunho's eyes eyes dropped to Changmin's lips. He sighed. They kissed.
Pairing: Homin
Author: suju_shinki
Rating: R
Genre: crack,fluff, y'know
Length: Oneshot
Summary: Changmin is perfect, Yunho is not. They're cousins.
AN: mizukikawaii this is for you, you cray
The one word Changmin hated most was 'average'. He knew it was somewhat obnoxious, that he was arrogant, but the idea of being 'average' made him cringe. He didn't want to be just another person, just another another guy, just another student. That wasn't him. He had always thought he was smarter than all the others, proved to be so with his grades which he kept at a maximum with minimum effort. He started realizing he was more attractive than most people during his first years of high school. People stared at him, stuttered when talking to him, sent him love notes and roses and all that when he was only 14 years old. He got older, started working. It was his next challenge, being good at sports. He was. He swam faster than most people, ran faster than most and had better ball control than most. He moved on to music, taught himself to play the guitar and found out he wasn't a bad singer. In his senior year of high school he found out there was a boy in his class who was ambidextrous. He couldn't let that slide. For a whole month straigh he forced himself to write with his left hand, though he was right handed. He knew it didn't have any use, it was a useless skill. He didn't care.
His first year of college was easy. He lived at home that year and decided that in his second year he'd move into a dormitory. Who knew, maybe it would bring something up.
Changmin knew that his cousin lived there, and he had quite pointedly ignored him whenever he saw him at the university in his first year. His cousin was an idiot. Smiled for no reason, walked into things and was at the lost and found at least once a week. His sentences were slow, and Changmin guessed so was his thought process.
He was forced into his life when their parents decided that Changmin had to move in with Yunho. It would be ridiculous not to do so. And Changmin respected his parents. He didn't say no, thinking maybe he could avoid him as much as possible. Wrong.
“Changmin, can I borrow that shirt?” “Changmin can you help me look for my keys?” Changmin, can you pick me up from dance practise tonight?” “Changmin, why are your eyes like that?” “Changmin, can I take a picture of you?” “Changmin, you're so smart.” “Changmin, do you want to go out?” “Changmin, let's hang out.” “Changmin, I was holding my toothbrush two seconds ago. Did you see where it went?” “Changmin, can I sleep in your bed? It's cold over here.” “Changmin, where are you going?” “Changmin, no stay here with me.” “No, Changmin, I'm not fondling your ass, I swear.”
Apparently they did have one thing in common and that was their sexuality. Yunho was gay and so were almost all of his friends. Who were equally retarded.
They had gathered in their room once with a bottle of tequila and Yunho forbade him to leave, said he wanted him to get to know his friends, to bond. Sure, they turned out to be quite amusing, retarded, but amusing.
There were three of them, two of which were clearly not on speaking terms and a third who kept looking at him and once in a while asked Yunho if he could cop a feel to which Yunho simply asked if he could break his hands. Yoochun and Junsu were the first two and they only spoke to each other through Yunho or Jaejoong, the third friend.
“Can you please tell Yoochun that I I'm not carrying his ass to his room if he gets to drunk to stand on his legs again?”
“Can you please tell Junsu that no one needs him.”
Changmin only observed through the whole thing. Yoochun and Junsu were clearly fucking. Jaejoong was clearly looking for someone to fuck and Yunho was just sitting there acting like his moronic self.
From that day onwards they started treating him as one of their friends and Changmin didn't know how he felt about that. He didn't dislike them, but did he really want to be associated with these people? Forever horny, forever joking and forever saying stupid things.
“Hey, Changmin, you have exams this week, right?”
yes, you moron, everyone has exams this week, Changmin wanted to say but stayed quiet instead.
“Because Yunho says you're really smart and he's expecting you to get A's for everything. Does that make you nervous?” Yoochun asked.
“Why would that make me nervous?” Changmin asked sipping on his milkshake.
“I'd be nervous if anyone expected that from me,” Yoochun shrugged.
“I'm not,” Changmin said. “But since you've settled yourself at my table now anyway I have a question for you. What's going on with you and Junsu?”
Yoochun sighed loudly and sat back. “I don't know...we've been on and off for over two years now. On for the last two months and then last week he went crazy and broke it off again.”
“He went crazy?” Changmin snorted.
“It's always the same thing. He wants me to stop smoking and to stop drinking. Forever. I tried cutting back on both, but fuck him if he thinks I'm going to change my whole life for him.”
“And your whole life consist of drinking and smoking,” Changmin concluded and Yoochun stared at him. “So, Junsu doesn't drink or smoke?”
“Nope. Good for him, but not everyone has the same moral standards. And you have no idea how apeshit he went when he found out I had gotten a tattoo.”
“You're a bit of an asshole aren't you?”
“Whatever,” Yoochun shrugged. “Your cousin wants to bang you.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
Yunho was sitting on the floor in a split, shirtless. Changmin observed him. He observed, he didn't stare. He didn't. Yunho's back muscles were very interesting, he concluded. And those small shorts he wore did wonders for his thigh muscles.
“Changmin,” Yunho said while he leaned forward on his forearms.
“...What?” Changmin asked, just a few seconds too slow. He cursed himself for getting distracted by his cousin's body. Come on.
“You're always learning new stuff right?”
“Why?”
“I was wondering if you knew how to ride a motorcycle.”
Changmin lowered his book. “I don't.”
“Would you like to learn?”
“I don't have the money to take classes right now.,” Changmin said. “Why?”
“God, you ask that 'why' a lot. I want to teach you. Would you like me to teach you? We can lend my friend's bike and we can go to the park and bring sandwiches and buy ice cream if we feel like it.”
“...What kind of sandwiches?”
“The good kind. The ones we buy.”
“Fine. You're paying for everything. Go get your friend's motorcycle,” Changmin sighed and put his book down on his bed.
“Awesome,” Yunho grinned and got off the floor. He slipped into a white t-shirt and put on sneakers before leaving the room.
Changmin stretched and thought back to what Yoochun had said to him the other day. 'Your cousin wants to bang you.' As if Changmin didn't know that. What he didn't know was that it was so obvious to others. Had Yunho told someone or was he really that transparent? It was probably the second one. You don't go around telling people you want to bone your cousin.
There were quite a few countries in which cousin's marrying was not out of the ordinary at all. Though those cousins were usually a dude a girl, but that was besides the point. The point was that Yunho was hot, Changmin could use a shag and 'incest' was out of the ordinary where they lived. He didn't see a reason not to go for it.
Yunho came back for him and took him outside where the motorcycle was waiting for them. It was ridiculously big. Yunho sauntered up to it and got on. “Come on, I'll ride us to the park first.”
“Helmets,” Changmin said and Yunho shrugged.
“I'll be careful.”
That may have been one of the stupidest things Changmin had ever heard, but nevertheless, he got on. Yunho made the engine roar and Changmin's arms shot up and he grabbed a hold of his shirt. “Be careful,” Changmin growled and Yunho laughed. He didn't go too fast, seeing that they road through bustling streets until they reached the park. Changmin knew they had about two more hours of daylight left and he wondered if he could actually learn how to ride a motorcycle in two hours.
“You have to look out for the all the people,” Yunho said when they had traded places and Changmin was now sitting in the front and Yunho pressed against his back.
“Really now?” Changmin murmured. “So no riding with my eyes closed?”
“You're so funny,” Yunho drawled. “Only you're not and you're just annoying. Put your hands on the handles. Yeah, right there.”
Yunho spent the next fifteen minutes telling him exactly what he had to do, where and what everything was and how it worked. Changmin tried to soak it all in, but ended up getting distracted. Yunho was pressing up against him, his bare legs at his sides. He was good-looking, Changmin had to admit. Completely different from the guys with braces he used to occasionally see at family barbecues or Christmas get-togethers. He wondered what would happen if he put his hand on his thigh. He wasn't going to do it. That would be weird. If anything was to happen, it'd happen in their room.
“Now just squeeze,” Yunho said suddenly and put his hand around Changmin's. “Like this.” He squeezed his hand and the bike shot forward. Changmin fell into Yunho's chest and heard felt the chuckle he let out vibrate through his body. “Hold on,” Yunho said. Changmin wasn't doing anything but holding the handle bars and sitting there, while Yunho had all control over the vehicle.
It took Changmin about an hour to move a hundred feet on his own. Yunho sat behind him through the whole thing, putting his hands on Changmin's knees and his chin on his shoulder.
“My shoulder is getting numb,” Changmin stated after a while. “And I'm hungry. Is it time for sandwiches and ice cream yet?”
“Sure, why not.”
They came back to the dorms hours later and the first thing they noticed were Yoochun and Junsu sitting outside on a bench. It was dark, but Changmin noticed Yoochun's the puffy red eyes and Junsu's mortified expression.
He looked up and Yunho questioningly and Yunho pushed him inside. “Let them do their thing. They'll be fine.”
“He was crying.”
“You'll get used to it,” Yunho shrugged. “They fight, break up, they fight some more, Yoochun cries and they get back together.”
“That's not normal.”
“And?”
“Nothing. Just saying,” Changmin said as they reached their room.
“I saw them once,” Yunho suddenly said when they were all settled in. “You have to promise not to tell them. But I saw them have sex once.”
Changmin's head shot up and he stared at him. “How did that happen?”
Yunho looked uncomfortable for a second before he looked up at the ceiling and started talking. “It was at a party a few months ago. I was looking for so we could leave and I found them. Doing it. In a beach chair in the backyard.
“Oh. And?”
“They were...surprisingly gentle, I guess.”
“That's not what I was asking. What happened? Did they see you?”
Yunho got up from his bed and settled on the edge of Changmin's. “They didn't see me. Not to be mean or anythig, but you know like when there's a car crash? You just have to stop and stare.”
“Their sex was like a car crash,” Changmin stated, even though he knew it wasn't the point.
“No, I mean-”
“You mean you watched them,” Changmin said, “until the end.”
“...Yeah.”
Changmin squirmed and turned to lie on his side, popping himself up on his elbow. “So it was gentle?”
Yunho's eyes widened for a second before he smiled and bit his lip. “They were sweet, I guess. They have huge mouths, you know? They talk shit about each other all the time, but I know for a fact that they'll always end up like what you saw today. Tomorrow, they'll be back together.”
Changmin froze when Yunho moved to lie down, facing him. Their lips touched without much of a warning from either side. He didn't know who kissed who first, he only knew it felt good and he didn't want to stop.
“This is so uncool,” Yunho panted when they broke apart. “Do you know how wrong this is?”
“Do you care?”
Yunho's eyes eyes dropped to Changmin's lips. He sighed. They kissed.