Sonsaengnim Eyelashes 12
Title:SonSaengNim Eyelashes
Author: Suju_shinki
Length: 12/15
Pairing: Yoosu
Genre: crackish, fluffiss angstish.
Rating: NC-17
Twelve
“Junsu?”
“Hyung...can I come over? Please?”
“What’s wrong? You sound upset.”
“I think I’m going insane. I just need to be there okay?”
“..Okay.”
Yoochun waited for that one releasing click of the door that would finally prove his worries unnecessary and see that his boyfriend was completely fine and just missing him.
The door opened and Junsu appeared, clearly not fine. He looked sickeningly pale in contrast to his bloodshot eyes and still wearing his soccer uniform. Yoochun rushed over to him and Junsu buried his head in his shoulder and let go. He led the crying boy to the couch and tried to calm him down.
“Junsu, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me…”
Junsu shook his head, clearly not ready to talk and Yoochun let him cry until all that was left were sniffs and shaking shoulders. Yoochun pulled him as close as possible and thumbed away the leftover tears. “Tell me.”
“They know…” Junsu chocked out. “About me. I came home and they said they know and…” his lips were shaking and his breath hitching with every word he said.
“They know what? That you’re gay?” Yoochun asked and Junsu nodded.
“They said they always knew and…”
“Were they mad at you?” Yoochun’s voice softened, his heart aching for this boy who was discovered before actually getting the chance to come out on his own. But to his surprise Junsu shook his head.
“My dad kept saying that if you’re gay being a soccer player was nearly impossible. He said that clubs wouldn’t want me and that I should apply for college instead. Hyung, he’s lying, right? It’s not that bad, right? Not everyone thinks like that, not everyone…”
“Junsu, do you know any gay soccer players?” Yoochun asked softly. “It’s like the army. They don’t want to let gay people in because they think we’re strong enough. It’s not true, of course, but it’s the way people think.”
Junsu pulled away and looked at him desperately. “Hyung, what am I going to do? What if my coach finds out?”
“Junsu, you’re panicking. You have to think carefully about what it is you want-“
“I want to play! You know that! I just…I just want to play.”
“To stand a fair chance, you’re going to have to hide who you really are. Is that what you want?” Yoochun asked. He knew it was a sharp question but h also knew Junsu needed to hear it if he was going to make a choice. Yoochun knew this day would come, he just didn’t know Junsu’s parents would be the ones to point things out to him.
“No, but-“
“Do you want us to hide for another 20 years? Another 20 years of just seeing each other between these walls and never outside? Junsu if you keep hiding your true self you won’t be happy, no matter how great of a soccer player you turn out to be.”
Yoochun remembered their late night talks on the phone about random stuff and how sometimes they’d talk about what they’d do after Junsu had come out and high school was finally over. They had agreed on eating ice cream at the park, going to a movie and diner afterwards. It would be their first real date, after a year of being together. Yoochun didn’t want to wait another 20 years.
“If I want to keep playing, we can’t be together,” Junsu stated, looking down at his hands still clutching at Yoochun’s shirt.
Yoochun kept quiet. He hadn’t expected this to happen at all that night. He was going to finish his book and go to bed early and that was it. He hadn’t planned on helping his boyfriend make life decisions.
Junsu let go of his shirt and slowly got out of Yoochun’s embrace. “You wouldn’t stay with me if I decided to continue playing soccer.” Accusing. Of course, Junsu would blame it on him. “You knew and you never said anything.”
“I’ve talked to you about this more than once. I’ve tried convincing you to try and get into college for three years and we all know how those conversations went.” Yoochun got off the couch and stood in front of him.
Junsu immediately stood up so they were eye to eye again.
“You never said it would be over between us if I didn’t!”
“How am I supposed to say that without it sounding like blackmail? You have to start making choices for yourself sooner or later.”
“But you…You said you loved me…” Junsu looked at him, all his insecurities filling his eyes.
“I do, Junsu, I do-“
“You don’t!” Junsu said, raising his voice. “If you did you’d stay with me no matter what!”
“That’s not how things work.” Yoochun tried to stay calm, knowing that it was difficult for a 17 year old boy to go through all this, but it was getting harder and harder.
“Then how do things work? We break up and you go and sex up that ex boyfriend of yours? Is that how things work, Yoochun?” Yoochun caught Junsu’s hand right before it hit his shoulder.
“Jaejoong has nothing to do with this. Keep your thoughts straight, Junsu. This is about your life and how you want it to be. Do you want to go to college and be you, learn and have all the freedom you want or do you want to be a professional soccer player, be famous, have the world look over your shoulder and judge you on everything you do?”
Junsu pulled his hand away and glared at him. “I’m not falling for it. You’re trying to make it sound worse than it is!”
“If it wasn’t that bad, then why would I keep you from it? I’d be happy to let you do what you want most if it wasn’t that bad, Junsu, but it is! Why would your parents tell you to apply for college instead of being a soccer player? Who wouldn’t want a professional athlete for a son? They know you won’t be happy, Junsu. All I want, all we want is for you to be happy.”
Yoochun looked at Junsu to see if any of his words maybe, just maybe had sunken in to him. It didn’t look like it. Junsu was still glowering at him, fists balled at his sides and his lips pulled into a thin line, but the sadness and frustration was still there and it pained Yoochun to not be able to take it away.
“You all think you know what’s best for me,” Junsu bit at him. “When actually all you know is how to piss me off.”
“Then why did you come here in the first place?” Yoochun asked taking a step closer.
“Because I thought you were going to tell me everything was going to be all right!” Tears started running again and Yoochun pulled him against his chest. “Why does it all have to be so hard?” he sobbed.
Yoochun felt his eyes stinging and fought back his own tears.
“The crappier it is now, the happier you’ll be when it’s all over,” Yoochun soothed.
“You can’t leave me,” Junsu snivelled. “You just can’t.”
Yoochun kept quiet, thinking that when push came to shove, who knew where they’d end up.
Author: Suju_shinki
Length: 12/15
Pairing: Yoosu
Genre: crackish, fluffiss angstish.
Rating: NC-17
Twelve
“Junsu?”
“Hyung...can I come over? Please?”
“What’s wrong? You sound upset.”
“I think I’m going insane. I just need to be there okay?”
“..Okay.”
Yoochun waited for that one releasing click of the door that would finally prove his worries unnecessary and see that his boyfriend was completely fine and just missing him.
The door opened and Junsu appeared, clearly not fine. He looked sickeningly pale in contrast to his bloodshot eyes and still wearing his soccer uniform. Yoochun rushed over to him and Junsu buried his head in his shoulder and let go. He led the crying boy to the couch and tried to calm him down.
“Junsu, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me…”
Junsu shook his head, clearly not ready to talk and Yoochun let him cry until all that was left were sniffs and shaking shoulders. Yoochun pulled him as close as possible and thumbed away the leftover tears. “Tell me.”
“They know…” Junsu chocked out. “About me. I came home and they said they know and…” his lips were shaking and his breath hitching with every word he said.
“They know what? That you’re gay?” Yoochun asked and Junsu nodded.
“They said they always knew and…”
“Were they mad at you?” Yoochun’s voice softened, his heart aching for this boy who was discovered before actually getting the chance to come out on his own. But to his surprise Junsu shook his head.
“My dad kept saying that if you’re gay being a soccer player was nearly impossible. He said that clubs wouldn’t want me and that I should apply for college instead. Hyung, he’s lying, right? It’s not that bad, right? Not everyone thinks like that, not everyone…”
“Junsu, do you know any gay soccer players?” Yoochun asked softly. “It’s like the army. They don’t want to let gay people in because they think we’re strong enough. It’s not true, of course, but it’s the way people think.”
Junsu pulled away and looked at him desperately. “Hyung, what am I going to do? What if my coach finds out?”
“Junsu, you’re panicking. You have to think carefully about what it is you want-“
“I want to play! You know that! I just…I just want to play.”
“To stand a fair chance, you’re going to have to hide who you really are. Is that what you want?” Yoochun asked. He knew it was a sharp question but h also knew Junsu needed to hear it if he was going to make a choice. Yoochun knew this day would come, he just didn’t know Junsu’s parents would be the ones to point things out to him.
“No, but-“
“Do you want us to hide for another 20 years? Another 20 years of just seeing each other between these walls and never outside? Junsu if you keep hiding your true self you won’t be happy, no matter how great of a soccer player you turn out to be.”
Yoochun remembered their late night talks on the phone about random stuff and how sometimes they’d talk about what they’d do after Junsu had come out and high school was finally over. They had agreed on eating ice cream at the park, going to a movie and diner afterwards. It would be their first real date, after a year of being together. Yoochun didn’t want to wait another 20 years.
“If I want to keep playing, we can’t be together,” Junsu stated, looking down at his hands still clutching at Yoochun’s shirt.
Yoochun kept quiet. He hadn’t expected this to happen at all that night. He was going to finish his book and go to bed early and that was it. He hadn’t planned on helping his boyfriend make life decisions.
Junsu let go of his shirt and slowly got out of Yoochun’s embrace. “You wouldn’t stay with me if I decided to continue playing soccer.” Accusing. Of course, Junsu would blame it on him. “You knew and you never said anything.”
“I’ve talked to you about this more than once. I’ve tried convincing you to try and get into college for three years and we all know how those conversations went.” Yoochun got off the couch and stood in front of him.
Junsu immediately stood up so they were eye to eye again.
“You never said it would be over between us if I didn’t!”
“How am I supposed to say that without it sounding like blackmail? You have to start making choices for yourself sooner or later.”
“But you…You said you loved me…” Junsu looked at him, all his insecurities filling his eyes.
“I do, Junsu, I do-“
“You don’t!” Junsu said, raising his voice. “If you did you’d stay with me no matter what!”
“That’s not how things work.” Yoochun tried to stay calm, knowing that it was difficult for a 17 year old boy to go through all this, but it was getting harder and harder.
“Then how do things work? We break up and you go and sex up that ex boyfriend of yours? Is that how things work, Yoochun?” Yoochun caught Junsu’s hand right before it hit his shoulder.
“Jaejoong has nothing to do with this. Keep your thoughts straight, Junsu. This is about your life and how you want it to be. Do you want to go to college and be you, learn and have all the freedom you want or do you want to be a professional soccer player, be famous, have the world look over your shoulder and judge you on everything you do?”
Junsu pulled his hand away and glared at him. “I’m not falling for it. You’re trying to make it sound worse than it is!”
“If it wasn’t that bad, then why would I keep you from it? I’d be happy to let you do what you want most if it wasn’t that bad, Junsu, but it is! Why would your parents tell you to apply for college instead of being a soccer player? Who wouldn’t want a professional athlete for a son? They know you won’t be happy, Junsu. All I want, all we want is for you to be happy.”
Yoochun looked at Junsu to see if any of his words maybe, just maybe had sunken in to him. It didn’t look like it. Junsu was still glowering at him, fists balled at his sides and his lips pulled into a thin line, but the sadness and frustration was still there and it pained Yoochun to not be able to take it away.
“You all think you know what’s best for me,” Junsu bit at him. “When actually all you know is how to piss me off.”
“Then why did you come here in the first place?” Yoochun asked taking a step closer.
“Because I thought you were going to tell me everything was going to be all right!” Tears started running again and Yoochun pulled him against his chest. “Why does it all have to be so hard?” he sobbed.
Yoochun felt his eyes stinging and fought back his own tears.
“The crappier it is now, the happier you’ll be when it’s all over,” Yoochun soothed.
“You can’t leave me,” Junsu snivelled. “You just can’t.”
Yoochun kept quiet, thinking that when push came to shove, who knew where they’d end up.