Comments | sugar_for_sugar: Marinated in rape culture works great as a metaphor...

sugar_for_sugar

Marinated in rape culture works great as a metaphor...

Jun 10, 2009 13:40

...because men are taught to view us all as meat, anyway ( Read more... )

rape culture, feminism

Comments 23

cereta June 10 2009, 19:28:44 UTC

Thank you for posting this. I wish I had more thinky thoughts right now but, arg, brain fried.

sugar_for_sugar June 11 2009, 18:23:30 UTC

Understandable! *hug*

(The comment has been removed)

sugar_for_sugar June 11 2009, 18:23:11 UTC

I wish I'd been able to understand it as a warning sign... I could have avoided a lot of hurt in the long run.

rikibeth June 10 2009, 22:44:34 UTC

This gives me much to think about.

Especially your story of the encounter with This Guy, the one who'd been expecting it all day.

I'm wondering how it changes the dynamic when it's the guy who Didn't Expect This and the girl (oh hell, might as well own it, ME) who'd expected it all day. Because I've been there more times than I've been in your situation.

Does it play into the notion that women are still the gatekeepers and grant or refuse access? Is it somehow less skeevy that way? Or have I been being as creepy as This Guy?

(if you want, I'll put you on my TMI filter and link you to a couple of instances. Just say the word.)

As I said, a lot to think about.

sugar_for_sugar June 11 2009, 18:18:42 UTC

You gave ME a lot to think about too-- thanks! :D ( ... )

rikibeth June 11 2009, 21:03:27 UTC

So. Wow. Yeah. I read your earlier post you linked to. I guess I can be proud of myself to realize that I haven't been "aw c'mon we're already this far" in any significant fashion since I was, oh, sixteen... and even then, the couple of times I got a "hey, let's slow down," it was more like, "what? I'm totally up for it if you are, and I'm on the Pill," and if I got a "no" after that, I let it be. Um. Mostly. At least THAT particular day. Although I did make it clear to the boy that I was interested, so when he decided he was ready for that step, let me know. I dated that boy for the better part of a year, too, so I'd say for 16-year-olds we weren't doing too badly. And, I think you're right, it's learned behavior -- I was lucky enough to do my early exploring with guys who respected a "slow down" or "that's far enough" and thought to ASK before doing certain things, and didn't freak out over a "no ( ... )

sugar_for_sugar June 12 2009, 05:56:10 UTC

It's all very complicated, isn't it?

You said it! It really, really is.

red_sixwing June 11 2009, 18:05:46 UTC

Posting from an alt, here. I don't want this comment linked to my main, which I reserve for less personal anecdotes ( ... )

sugar_for_sugar June 11 2009, 18:22:13 UTC

Thank you so much for sharing that.

redshira June 12 2009, 20:09:49 UTC

"Really? I've known this was going to happen all day."

That was chilling to read; I can imagine how much more so it was to hear.

I would say more, a lot more, but I don't have the energy for both reading and writing tonight, and I want to read this to my husband along with cereta's post and a load of the comments there.

sugar_for_sugar June 12 2009, 21:19:08 UTC

He had a very "I am the wise sage and you are my cutely naive little pupil/ let Daddy show ya how it's done" kind of attitude throughout our association. This was my first inkling of that. Unfortunately I didn't yet have the tools to understand it should have been my last ( ... )