Week 14: Confessions from the Chair
Please note: This entry contains non-descriptive references to childhood sexual abuse
Empty Chair Technique
"Worthless slut! Piece of trash! You're just like your mother. No good." Baelyn slinks back in her chair, breathing heavily.
I sip my tea, and nod. "That was really good, Baelyn. What I'd like you to do now is switch into the empty chair, and respond as yourself. Picture your grandma in front of you, and give her a response. It can be anything you want."
Baelyn's shoulders are hunched as she shuffles to the other chair. She faces the now-empty chair and pauses. Eyes closed, she asks, "Why do you think that?" She opens her eyes and looks at me.
I give her a small smile. "You're doing an excellent job. I want you to go ahead back into the other chair now, and picture yourself. Give yourself an answer from your grandma."
She hesitates. "Are you doing ok?" I ask. "Anytime you want to stop, just let me know. You've done a great job and we can take a break, or just stop and talk about it a little if you need to."
"I'm ok," she says, and scoots back to the other chair.
Baelyn sits up straighter and narrows her eyes. She is thinking and I wait. When she finally speaks, she keeps her eyes narrowed. "You are a slut. You are dirty. You let Marcus touch you and you liked it." Her eyes widen and she looks at me, sinking back in the chair.
I lock eyes with Baelyn. I know this is difficult for her, but she is doing a fabulous job, and I'm proud of her. I nod, and gesture to the empty chair. She relocates and closes her eyes.
She keeps them closed as she speaks softly. "I know," she says. She opens her eyes and stares at the chair.
I give her a moment, then match her soft tone. "You know?" I ask. She nods, still staring at the chair. "Can you look at me now and explain to me what it is that you know?"
Baelyn turns toward me. "I know I'm dirty," she says. "I was old enough to know what we were doing."
I am unsure how to respond at first. Most of our sessions recently have centered on Baelyn's anger toward her grandmother, but I am now seeing Baelyn's thoughts turn inward. "Can I move my chair in the middle here?" I ask. She nods and I pull my chair between Baelyn and the empty chair. "I would like to talk with your grandmother. Is that ok?" She nods again. "Ok," I say. "Move back to this chair over here and speak to me as your grandmother."
Baelyn switches chairs again and I face her. "I just want to make sure I have all the background information, ok?"
Baelyn responds, "Of course," in her normal tone.
"Ma'am," I say, "can I ask you a few questions just to make sure I've got all the details on what happened to Baelyn?"
Baelyn seems unsure how to respond and I tell her, "Go ahead and just answer me however you think your grandma would."
She almost smiles, then responds, "You mean what Baelyn did."
"I see," I say. "I'm sorry if I worded that incorrectly." Channeling her grandmother, Baelyn turns her nose up at me.
I continue. "So, Baelyn was seven when it happened, right?" Baelyn-Grandma nods.
"And she lived with you?" Baelyn-Grandma nods again.
"When did she start living with you?" I ask.
Baelyn-Grandma says, "That year. When she was seven. Her mother couldn't take care of her so she had to come stay with me."
"Ok, thank you. That's what I thought." I continue, "And there was another grandchild living in the house?"
Baelyn-Grandma nods. "Yes, Marcus."
"How long did Marcus live with you?" I ask.
Baelyn-Grandma answers, "Pretty much his whole life. His mother couldn't take care of him either, so I took him in."
"Wow," I say. "So you were taking care of two different grandkids. So Baelyn and Marcus were cousins?" She nods. "How old was Marcus when Baelyn was seven?"
Baelyn-Grandma answers quickly. "He was fifteen."
"That's a big age difference," I say. She nods again. "So you had Marcus with you for fifteen years. You must feel pretty protective of him."
"Yes," says Baelyn-Grandma.
I continue, "Did you feel protective of Baelyn?"
Baelyn hesitates. "Let's pause here," I say, "and let's talk with you as Baelyn and me as myself. You can move back over to your other chair."
Baelyn takes her seat again, and I move my chair back away from the middle. "So, it seems like you were pretty confident that your grandma was protective of Marcus."
"Yeah," says Baelyn. "I think she still is."
"And she was his guardian, so it is normal for her to be protective of him. But then she was your guardian, too. And you were seven," I say, and she nods. "What do you think it should look like when an adult is the guardian of a seven year old?" I ask.
Baelyn thinks awhile before answering. "I guess it should be the adult protecting the child."
"Did you feel protected?" I ask her.
"No," she says.
I say, "I wonder how that might feel for a seven year old."
"Scary," says Baelyn.
"Tell me more about scary."
She continues, "If the adult isn't going to protect you, who will? You're just a kid."
I nod. "Earlier, you said to your grandma that she was right, and that Baelyn was old enough to know what was going on. But it sounds like you're telling me now that she was just a kid, and one who was unprotected by the adult in her life as well. That doesn't really sound like it was her fault to me."
Baelyn nods. "Yeah," she says.
"Can we do the chairs one more time?" I ask, and she nods. "Ok," I say. "I want you to be yourself now in this chair, so you are twenty-three-year-old Baelyn. Face that chair, and it's going to be seven-year-old Baelyn." She faces the empty chair.
I go on, "Can you tell seven-year-old Baelyn what you just told me?"
Baelyn stares at the floor for a few moments before responding. She licks her lips and her eyes rise to meet the empty chair before her. "Baelyn," she begins. "You were a kid. It wasn't your fault."
She looks at me and I nod. "Baelyn, that was wonderful. I'm going to be your grandma now, and I want you to answer me, ok?" She nods.
I turn my chair directly at her. "You are a slut. You are dirty. You let Marcus touch you, and you liked it." I match her words from earlier.
This time, Baelyn's response is difficult. Her shoulders are straighter and she responds with little hesitation. "I hated it. I was just a kid. You were supposed to protect me, and you failed."
I smile at her. "How'd that feel?"
"It actually felt really good," she says.
"I'm glad you were able to let seven-year-old Baelyn off the hook a bit. Do you think in our next session we can look at some things you might want to say to current twenty-three year old Baelyn?"
Eyes on the empty chair, she responds, "I don't know yet what I want to say. But I'll try."
"That's the most important part," I tell her.
Empty Chair Technique
"Worthless slut! Piece of trash! You're just like your mother. No good." Baelyn slinks back in her chair, breathing heavily.
I sip my tea, and nod. "That was really good, Baelyn. What I'd like you to do now is switch into the empty chair, and respond as yourself. Picture your grandma in front of you, and give her a response. It can be anything you want."
Baelyn's shoulders are hunched as she shuffles to the other chair. She faces the now-empty chair and pauses. Eyes closed, she asks, "Why do you think that?" She opens her eyes and looks at me.
I give her a small smile. "You're doing an excellent job. I want you to go ahead back into the other chair now, and picture yourself. Give yourself an answer from your grandma."
She hesitates. "Are you doing ok?" I ask. "Anytime you want to stop, just let me know. You've done a great job and we can take a break, or just stop and talk about it a little if you need to."
"I'm ok," she says, and scoots back to the other chair.
Baelyn sits up straighter and narrows her eyes. She is thinking and I wait. When she finally speaks, she keeps her eyes narrowed. "You are a slut. You are dirty. You let Marcus touch you and you liked it." Her eyes widen and she looks at me, sinking back in the chair.
I lock eyes with Baelyn. I know this is difficult for her, but she is doing a fabulous job, and I'm proud of her. I nod, and gesture to the empty chair. She relocates and closes her eyes.
She keeps them closed as she speaks softly. "I know," she says. She opens her eyes and stares at the chair.
I give her a moment, then match her soft tone. "You know?" I ask. She nods, still staring at the chair. "Can you look at me now and explain to me what it is that you know?"
Baelyn turns toward me. "I know I'm dirty," she says. "I was old enough to know what we were doing."
I am unsure how to respond at first. Most of our sessions recently have centered on Baelyn's anger toward her grandmother, but I am now seeing Baelyn's thoughts turn inward. "Can I move my chair in the middle here?" I ask. She nods and I pull my chair between Baelyn and the empty chair. "I would like to talk with your grandmother. Is that ok?" She nods again. "Ok," I say. "Move back to this chair over here and speak to me as your grandmother."
Baelyn switches chairs again and I face her. "I just want to make sure I have all the background information, ok?"
Baelyn responds, "Of course," in her normal tone.
"Ma'am," I say, "can I ask you a few questions just to make sure I've got all the details on what happened to Baelyn?"
Baelyn seems unsure how to respond and I tell her, "Go ahead and just answer me however you think your grandma would."
She almost smiles, then responds, "You mean what Baelyn did."
"I see," I say. "I'm sorry if I worded that incorrectly." Channeling her grandmother, Baelyn turns her nose up at me.
I continue. "So, Baelyn was seven when it happened, right?" Baelyn-Grandma nods.
"And she lived with you?" Baelyn-Grandma nods again.
"When did she start living with you?" I ask.
Baelyn-Grandma says, "That year. When she was seven. Her mother couldn't take care of her so she had to come stay with me."
"Ok, thank you. That's what I thought." I continue, "And there was another grandchild living in the house?"
Baelyn-Grandma nods. "Yes, Marcus."
"How long did Marcus live with you?" I ask.
Baelyn-Grandma answers, "Pretty much his whole life. His mother couldn't take care of him either, so I took him in."
"Wow," I say. "So you were taking care of two different grandkids. So Baelyn and Marcus were cousins?" She nods. "How old was Marcus when Baelyn was seven?"
Baelyn-Grandma answers quickly. "He was fifteen."
"That's a big age difference," I say. She nods again. "So you had Marcus with you for fifteen years. You must feel pretty protective of him."
"Yes," says Baelyn-Grandma.
I continue, "Did you feel protective of Baelyn?"
Baelyn hesitates. "Let's pause here," I say, "and let's talk with you as Baelyn and me as myself. You can move back over to your other chair."
Baelyn takes her seat again, and I move my chair back away from the middle. "So, it seems like you were pretty confident that your grandma was protective of Marcus."
"Yeah," says Baelyn. "I think she still is."
"And she was his guardian, so it is normal for her to be protective of him. But then she was your guardian, too. And you were seven," I say, and she nods. "What do you think it should look like when an adult is the guardian of a seven year old?" I ask.
Baelyn thinks awhile before answering. "I guess it should be the adult protecting the child."
"Did you feel protected?" I ask her.
"No," she says.
I say, "I wonder how that might feel for a seven year old."
"Scary," says Baelyn.
"Tell me more about scary."
She continues, "If the adult isn't going to protect you, who will? You're just a kid."
I nod. "Earlier, you said to your grandma that she was right, and that Baelyn was old enough to know what was going on. But it sounds like you're telling me now that she was just a kid, and one who was unprotected by the adult in her life as well. That doesn't really sound like it was her fault to me."
Baelyn nods. "Yeah," she says.
"Can we do the chairs one more time?" I ask, and she nods. "Ok," I say. "I want you to be yourself now in this chair, so you are twenty-three-year-old Baelyn. Face that chair, and it's going to be seven-year-old Baelyn." She faces the empty chair.
I go on, "Can you tell seven-year-old Baelyn what you just told me?"
Baelyn stares at the floor for a few moments before responding. She licks her lips and her eyes rise to meet the empty chair before her. "Baelyn," she begins. "You were a kid. It wasn't your fault."
She looks at me and I nod. "Baelyn, that was wonderful. I'm going to be your grandma now, and I want you to answer me, ok?" She nods.
I turn my chair directly at her. "You are a slut. You are dirty. You let Marcus touch you, and you liked it." I match her words from earlier.
This time, Baelyn's response is difficult. Her shoulders are straighter and she responds with little hesitation. "I hated it. I was just a kid. You were supposed to protect me, and you failed."
I smile at her. "How'd that feel?"
"It actually felt really good," she says.
"I'm glad you were able to let seven-year-old Baelyn off the hook a bit. Do you think in our next session we can look at some things you might want to say to current twenty-three year old Baelyn?"
Eyes on the empty chair, she responds, "I don't know yet what I want to say. But I'll try."
"That's the most important part," I tell her.