Hogwarts Underexposed: Chapter Ten

[doodasnapefreak]

Chapter Ten
Anything For a Friend

"Harry, believe me; the girls and Tyler are fine," Hermione maintained. "There isn't any need for you to hang about in front of their bedroom door on tenterhooks. Leave them be and come along with me to get Ben." Hermione shook her head, slightly frustrated. "I still can't believe that you shifted Ben off on Ron and Sam today. Sam takes care of him enough while we teach classes. I would have thought that you'd have used the opportunity to bond with your son."

"Why would I want to bond with my son when could be spending my time creeping on my naked daughters? I was torn," Harry admitted guiltily. "I wanted to spend the day with Ben, but ..." His words drifted off as his eyes once again returned to the bedroom door. "Hopefully, Ben and I will have a lifetime to spend together; Emily and I just have a few mere weeks remaining."

Harry trembled slightly. "She appears so vibrant and healthy; it's so difficult to believe that she's actually dying."

Well, if all her internal organs are failing, she shouldn't be "vibrant and healthy." I don't care about that bullshit about magic stopping pain. When your organs stop working, bad things happen.

"I know," said Hermione, embracing Harry tightly. "I keep hoping that it's all just been a bad dream and that in due course we'll wake up." YOU WILL NEVER WAKE UP FROM THE SLEEP OF DEATH! MUAHAHAHA! She sighed. "Let's go get Ben."

Harry nodded, reluctantly ending the embrace and heading for the door, Hermione following.

"Aren't you going to slip on some clothes?" Harry questioned.

Hermione shrugged. "Everyone loves looking at my marvelous melons, and if they don't, it just means they are repressed and unhealthy! It's hardly worth the effort. Ron and Sam's quarters are just down the corridor and even if we run into any of the other staff, they'll hardly be shocked at seeing me nude."

Harry smiled his agreement and they hurried down the hall. In less than a minute, he was rapping for a major record label on the door to the Weasleys' quarters.

Hermione was just commenting that she hoped Ron and Sam hadn't already turned in for the night when the door flung open and the freckled faced grin of their best friend greeted them. "Best friend" my ass. They treat Ron like shit. Ron's smile was quickly replaced with a look of astonishment.

Oh, boy! Time for another heaping helping of Ron bashing. He and Harry have a huge argument about nudism. He is evil, and says horrible things that Canon!Ron would never even THINK in a million years. It's disgusting. Sam tells Hermione that Ron is worried that Timmy will be gay because he and Ben are naked together.

"I'm not so sure that you should use Caitlin and Emily as a case in point," Hermione said, undecidedly.

"Why not?" Sam questioned. "They're both one hundred percent heterosexual and in relationships with boys."

"They're both in relationships now and seem to prefer boys," Hermione agreed, "but both Emily and Caitlin have bisexual leanings."

"They do?" Sam responded, shocked. "What makes you believe that?"

"I have a very close rapport with the girls, especially Caitlin," Hermione replied. "They talk to me essentially about everything." Hermione paused briefly. "The girls have done some experimentation with each other."

"Lots of girls hug and kiss each other," Sam said dismissively. "Haven't you heard that Katy Perry song? Women aren't as hung up on their sexuality as men. We're not afraid to physically show feelings for members of our own sex." Neil has issues. Lots of issues.

"That's true," Hermione granted, "but Emily and Caitlin have gone quite a bit further than mere hugging and kissing."

"Do you mean that they've ...?"

"They've done just about everything that two young girls could do to each other," Hermione said.

WHY IS SHE OK WITH THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SISTERS AND THEY WERE TWELVE AT THE TIME WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU NEIL YOU MADE ME SO ANGRY THAT I SCARED THE PUNCTUATION AWAY I HATE YOU

"I would have never guessed it," Sam said aghast "Moreover, I can't believe that they actually told you." .

"The girls aren't ashamed of what they've done," Hermione said. "Actually, what bothered them most was hiding their behavior from Harry and me."

"But it was just experimentation, right? " Sam questioned. "Now that they both have boy friends, it's of course ended?"

"To a degree," Hermione said. "Emily and Caitlin's love for each other is beyond measure. Not in a way that they want to be a joined couple, but rather in a way that they care deeply for each other and want to make each other happy and feel good. Neither girl has experienced sex with their male partner yet, so I think they occasionally might still sort of fulfill each other's needs."

Oh, good to know that it's still ongoing. So...why haven't they been removed from these CLEARLY unfit parents?

"Do you think that being naturists contributed to their actions?" Sam inquired concernedly.

"Not at all," Hermione quickly replied. "It probably has more to do with the fact that harry and I molest them on a regular basis. Being a naturist only made it unnecessary for them to remove their clothes. I'm not sure what brings out gay tendencies in people."

"I always thought it was a person's genes," Sam suggested. "Our genes determine how we look and whether we are magical or not; it only makes sense that they would determine our sexual preferences, too."

"That may be true in a preponderance of cases," Hermione agreed, "but I think that sometimes it is just a matter of personal choice. I don't believe any gene caused the attraction between Emily and Caitlin. Neither one of them, as a rule, is attracted to other girls." Ah yes. They're totally straight, they just like doing sexual things to each other. That makes them NOT STRAIGHT. Hermione laughed. "Emily, for example, has had this disconcerting, over-enthusiastic fascination for the male penis since she was six years old."

SIX? SIX? Holy shit, Neil really does like them young.

"The girls and I have discussed it at length," Hermione continued. "Emily and Kim are best friends and Caitlin has become very close to Claudia, but nether girl would ever consider perusing a sexual relationship with their best friend. But with each other, it just seemed natural and proper."

INCEST IS NEITHER NATURAL OR PROPER.

"How do you and Harry feel about all this?" Sam questioned.

"We both love Caitlin and Emily," Hermione explained. "They might be adopted, but we couldn't love them more if I had given birth to them. It would be rather awkward if the girls decided to shape a lasting relationship, but Harry and I would support them."

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to poke out my eyes with some blunt tweezers. I'm sure it will be much more pleasant than reading this.

"I wish Ron could be more like you and Harry," Sam muttered moodily. "You are both so accepting of people's differences."

There is such a thing as being too accepting, you know. Like when you accept your daughters having a relationship that clearly stems from prior sexual abuse.

Hermione studied Sam's sad appearance. "This disagreement, concerning naturism, between you and Ron isn't causing a rift in your marriage, is it?"

"Just a bump," Sam replied, forcing a laugh. "I love him too much to even consider divorcing him over something as petty as naturism. I just get so frustrated that I'm always the one caving. BULLSHIT. You still run around naked, you twat. Can't he see how much Timmy and I enjoy the lifestyle. He is so stubborn. He always feels he is correct and that everything should be done his way."

* * * * * *

Emily stood staring blankly at the door to the lodgings that Jamie and Alex shared. She had to talk to someone, but had been unsure as to just who that someone should be. Normally she discussed everything of consequence with Caitlin, but Caitlin was just as much a novice on the subject of sexual intercourse as she.

Emily was sure that when Caitlin at last decided to have sex with Evan, her sister would sit down and discuss her plans in intimate detail with Hermione. Ew. I'm pretty sure that my parents have no desire to know ANYTHING about my sex life. And I have no desire to tell them anything. And what's with the obsession about planning? What is there to plan? Tab P goes in slot V, it's not rocket science. Emily knew she also had this option; the problem was that she had always been closer to Harry than to Hermione. Caitlin and Emily equally loved both their adopted parents, but Caitlin was indisputably Mummy's angel and Emily was Daddy's little girl.

I HATE that phrase. HATE IT. I'm very close with my father, and it really pisses me off to see how Neil warps father-daughter relationships.

Being Daddy's favorite had its advantages and disadvantages. In this case all disadvantages; Emily wasn't quite sure how receptive Harry would be to the idea of giving his little girl instructions on the fine art of oral pleasuring, so she decided that she would opt for talking to Jamie.

You know what the great thing about sex is? It's not that hard to figure out as you go along. You figure out what the other person likes, you communicate. You don't need DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE YOU BLOW SOMEONE. This is just an excuse for Neil to write about naked girls talking about sex.

There was a time when she spoke to Jamie about everything and anything, but that seemed like ages ago, back when Jamie was just her older sister. Now Jamie was one of her professors, plus there was the issue of that terrible episode the previous summer. Although Jamie seemed to have recovered completely, both physically and mentally from the brutal torture at the hands of Slytherin's goons, Emily still found the idea of discussing sex with someone who had been savagely gang raped rather awkward.

"RATHER AWKWARD"? Ya THINK?

After pacing the hallway for several unsure minutes, Emily had lastly determined to bin the idea when suddenly Alex came bounding around the corner.

"Hi, Little Sis," he called out to her cheerfully. "Are you coming or going?"

"I... I was going to visit with Jamie," Emily stuttered, "but I'll come back later. I don't want to intrude on your private time together."

"Don't be ridiculous," Alex protested. "Jamie and I were just talking about you the other night. It's been so long since we've seen you, that we thought perhaps you had disowned us."

"I have disowned you. You are not naked enough for me, and you guys don't have public sex! I'm so disapointed in you! Jamie sees me all the time," Emily disputed.

"Seeing you in a classroom situation and actually sitting down and talking with you are quite dissimilar," Alex insisted. TAKE THAT STICK OUT OF YOUR ASS AND TALK LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING, ALEX. "Besides, I haven't seen you in ages." Alex opened the door and ushered Emily inside.

"Guess who I found loitering outside our door," he called out to the empty room.

Jamie stuck her head out of the bedroom and then swiftly hurried to greet her sister. Emily was suddenly engulfed in the arms of a very beautiful and very naked young woman. Yes, thank you for the reminder that she is NAKED NAKED NAKED. The fact that Jamie was nude didn't surprise Emily; after all they had both grown up as naturists. What did shock Emily was that when she glanced back in the direction of Alex, she saw that he too was removing his garments.

"When did you become a naturist?" Emily asked with a staggered expression on her face.

Alex laughed. "I didn't! I just figured we were having a threesome. If you can't beat them, join them," he said genially. "I'm not quite ready to show my private bits in public just yet, but living with Jamie has taught me to be more relaxed with nudity. I honestly can't wait to get out of my clothes after a long day at the university. Speaking of which, it's strange for you to be the only one in the room fully clothed."

Emily looked down at herself and then smiled, shaking her head. "I must be losing my touch," she said with a laugh. "Normally I'm starkers before the door even clicks shut."

Alex watched indifferently as Emily undid her buttons, but when finally she stood completely naked before him, his expression altered. Oh gross.

"Wow! You're not a little girl anymore, are you?" he said, without thinking. OK, this is not the first time that Alex has made a disgusting creepy comment and NO ONE has called him out on it. Remember when Kim (who was ELEVEN) was hanging upside down on the train and he said she had a cute ass?

Out of character, Emily blushed. She wasn't sure if her reaction was caused by Alex's comment or the fact that he had suddenly developed a noticeable stiffy.

OH WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"I'm sorry," Alex said genuinely, trying desperately and unsuccessfully to conceal his full erection.

"You should be," Jamie admonished. "That's my little sister you're gawking at." Jamie sounded irritated, but a smile gave away her true feelings. If my husband got a boner from staring at my hypothetical thirteen-year-old sister, I would be a lot more than irritated. "He's right though, you're definitely no longer a little girl."

"Imagine what she'll look like in a few more years." The words had escaped from Alex's mouth before he could stop them.

"I'm sorry Emily; just for the moment I... I forgot," Alex pleaded.

"It's no problem," Emily said, shrugging her shoulders. "I don't want anyone brooding about me. I just wish I could forget." Oh bullshit. You want everyone to be constantly aware of the fact that you were dying so they'll let you get away with even more crap.

"How are you feeling?" Jamie asked concernedly.

"That's the strangest part," Emily replied. "I feel great. If it weren't for Madam Pomfrey constantly poking and prodding me, I won't even know I was sick."

OH HOW CONVENIENT. SHE'S DYING AND IT'S SO TRAGIC, BUT SHE'S NOT EVEN INCONVENIENCED BY IT.

"Has she been able to pin point the date anymore precisely?" Jamie asked uncomfortably.

"No! I wish she could," Emily said with an unnatural laugh. "I certainly don't want to spend months preparing for my finals if I'll never even have to sit for them. I mean, what's the point of dying if you can't at least get out of exams?"

Ha ha! Emily you are so charming! Just kidding, I want to disembowel you with a dull paperclip.

Emily was dying, but somehow she was able to joke about that. Neither Alex nor Jamie replied for some time; words simply eluded them. Finally after an awkward silence Jamie spoke.

"Alex and I were making wedding plans the other night and we'd like you to be my maid of honor," Jamie said meekly.

"But you guys aren't getting married until after Alex finishes University," Emily asserted. "I doubt that I'll be up to walking down any aisles by then, unless you fancy an naked inferi as your maid of honor."

Jamie cringed at the thought of her sister ever being a walking dead. "That's not exactly what I had in mind," Jamie said. "I want you in my wedding, so Alex and I have decided to move the date up to this May."

Jamie and Alex are going to have a naked wedding! Oh boy!

"Not so much me dying, but Tyler and I joining," Emily explained. "Did Mum tell you about the alarm triggering implant?"

Jamie nodded her head with edginess. "Madam Pomfrey must really be fond of you," she said. "If word got back to the Ministry about what she did, she'd lose her certification to practice medicine."

I wish someone would report her. Maybe Ron would. He seems to have some traces of sanity.

I was thinking...Ron's character has changed a lot in the course of the series. Neil is definitely much more vicious towards him in the chapters written after Deathly Hallows. Bitter much, Neil?

"That's shows how injudicious the Ministry is," Emily spouted strongly. "That would concern them, but meanwhile they continue to ignore the re-embodiment of Salazar Slytherin. Anyway, can you give me some direction so that Tyler and my first time together will be perfect?"

Jamie laughed. "First time and perfect don't usually coalesce," she said. "You and Tyler are acclimatized to seeing each other nude, so you won't have that uneasiness to contend with, but girls always have the drawback of their hymen. It's not excruciatingly painful when initially broken, but painful enough to detract from what should be a pleasant experience. I was fortunate not to have an intact hymen."

"Wait a second," Jamie said, coming to an exciting realization. "Alex can break your hymen for you now and then you won't have that obstacle to contend with."

Emily's eyes widen in shock as she just stared flabbergasted at her sister. Was Jamie suggesting what she thought she was? Wow Emily. You are stupid.

Jamie took one look at her sister's thunderstruck expression and immediately worked out what erroneous conclusion Emily had mistakenly jumped to.

"Not like that, you prat," Jamie said, punching her sister good-naturedly on the shoulder. Punch harder, Jamie! Maybe she'll die! "You may be my sister and I might love you intensely, but there are some things even sisters don't share. In our case, Alex is one of them."

"But then how?" Emily questioned.

"The University requires Alex to take some general courses along with his law curriculum," Jamie explained. "The school refers to it as receiving a well rounded education. Alex considers it mostly a waste of time. Anyway, one of the courses he has this semester is Magical First Aid. Mostly it just consists of learning simple healing and bone repair charms, but he also learned how to magically and painlessly remove a girl's hymen. OK, so how does that fit in with the whole hymen alarm thing? This is so confusing. Would you like him to perform the procedure on you?"

Before Emily could respond, Alex flushed and tried desperately to get Jamie's attention without Emily noticing.

"What's the matter?" Jamie asked upon seeing Alex's nervous reluctance.

"Jamie, It's not just a matter of waving a wand and uttering an incantation," Alex advised her in panic. "The caster must first do a practical exam of the patient to insure that the hymen is without a doubt intact. Ah, of course. Trying to remove a nonexistent hymen can cause irreversible damage." Alex looked extremely nervous. "I can't prod your sister with my fingers. It would be akin to cheating on you."

"No it wouldn't," Jamie laughed. "It's not like you're some pervert groping her for sexual pleasure; Oh, I wouldn't bet on that! it's a medical procedure. Besides, I'm right here, watching. Emily, do you have a problem with Alex touching you down there?"

"Of course not," Emily answered quickly. "Alex, it's not a sacred shrine, it's just another body part. No. It's not just another body part, and you are a twat. I have complete trust in you." Then she shyly added. "But I don't think it will be necessary."

"Why not?" Jamie asked suspiciously.

Emily looked guiltily at the floor. "Caitlin and I have done a little experimenting with each other," she answered sheepishly. "Neither of us any longer has an intact hymen."

What exactly were they experimenting with? Fingering doesn't necessarily rupture the hymen.

"Oh!" Jamie said. She was caught off guard by this unexpected pronouncement, but was not totally surprised. She, however, did not press for any further explanation. Alex meanwhile was both relieved and shocked.

"What I was actually hoping was that maybe you could give me some pointers on how to please a guy ... you know orally." Emily blushed copiously.

OK, why is she so worried about this? Why is blowing Tyler an essential component of their first time together? And why is she suddenly bashful about everything? Emily has said waaaay more sexually explicit things than this before without turning a hair.

Although seemingly impossible, Alex's face reddened even more than Emily's. "You know, I have some studying that I really must do," he said anxiously. "Why don't I just leave you ladies to discuss the wedding and suchlike?" Without waiting for a retort, Alex quickly exited the room.

"He didn't need to leave," Emily said, genuinely.

"Yes, he did," Jamie replied. "Alex is quite excellent at sex, but incredibly bashful when it comes to discussing it in mixed company; especially when he's already sporting a woody."

"He shouldn't be embarrassed," Emily declared. "He has a beautiful penis, especially when it's hard. NO. NO ONE CALLS A PENIS BEAUTIFUL. NO ONE. THEY ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL. THEY ARE USEFUL, BUT NOT BEAUTIFUL. If I had my way, guys would have everlasting erections."

Jamie just smiled, as she shook her head in disbelief. "I have never met anyone as obsessed with the male genitalia as you." She seized two large bananas from the counter. "Some girls find this act gross and demeaning, but I have a feeling that you are going to be quite keen on it." Jamie laughed. "I'd even be willing to bet that you swallow right off the bat."

I have no words. None. I had to go into my kitchen and take multiple shots of vodka before I could continue.

* * * * * *

Luna is sad and depressed because she will never no love! No one could ever love her! You know, I really can't see Canon!Luna worrying too much about that.

I can feel the vodka working. I would apologize in advance if my writing gets strange, but I'm not sorry. The pain of this story isn't as bad anymore.

* * * * *

"A Knut for your thoughts?" Harry said, as he lazily held Hermione in his arms. They had just finished making love and now Hermione was snuggled beside Harry until one of them drifted off to sleep.

OK, maybe I am strange, but sleeping while snuggled up is not very much fun to me. Maybe because I flail and kick. It's one of those things that sounds way more romantic and cute than it actually is.

"I was just thinking about Luna," Hermione answered desolately.

"Worried about her up coming so-called debate with Precious Percy?"

STOP TRASHING PERCY! This was written after Deathly Hallows, you have no excuse. I think I need more vodka.

"That and other things," Hermione replied. "Did you know that Luna was thinking about having a baby?"

"She is!" Harry replied, staggered. "I didn't even know she was seriously dating anyone."

"That's the problem; she isn't," Hermione countered.

"If I recall correctly it usually takes two people to conceive a baby," Harry said, jokingly. "Or is Luna considering developing a new species by mating with a Crumple-Horned Snorkack?"

OH GOOD BESTIALITY. JUST WHAT THIS STORY NEEDS.

"Don't Harry," Hermione said, sitting bolt upright, a bothered expression on her face. "This isn't a joking matter. Luna is very unhappy. As her friend, you should want to help her; not make jokes at her expense."

Blah blah blah. Neil copypastes text from Deathly Hallows about Luna's bedroom. I can't type.

"What can we do to help her?" Harry asked, genuinely. "I'm not very good at playing matchmaker. Besides, we haven't many close friends that aren't already emotionally involved."

"I'm not the matchmaker type either," Hermione admitted. "I've been struggling with what we can do to help her and could only come up with one proposal. Luna desperately wants a baby so that the Lovegood name doesn't die. Harry, please, I want you to give her that baby."

WOW HERMIONE, YOU ARE THE PERFECT WOMAN. YOU ENCOURAGE YOUR HUSBAND TO FUCK OTHER WOMEN. I hate how blatant the wish-fulfillment is getting. My eyes feel funny.

Harry was momentarily bowled over by this pronouncement. When he regained his equanimity he asked, "Do you mean that you want me to donate sperm so that Luna can be artificially inseminated?"

"No," Hermione proclaimed emphatically. "Luna doesn't want to be artificially inseminated."

"But then how...? You can't possibly want me to actually have sex with Luna?"

"Not sex, Harry," Hermione asserted. "Luna is extraordinary and deserves more than a prerequisite wham bang. I want you to make love to her like you do to me. I want her to experience multiple orgasms; I want the conception of her child to be an evening she will remember warmly for her entire life."

WHAT IS THIS SHIT. CALL ME A JEALOUS BITCH, BUT I WOULD NEVER SUGGEST THIS TO MY HUSBAND. WHY AM I TYPING IN ALL CAPS?

"You're asking me to cheat on you with one of our best friends?" Harry asked, dumbfounded.

"It's not cheating, Harry. You're not sneaking off and screwing my best friend behind my back. I'm giving my blessing. I'm actually imploring you to do it. Luna has become like a sister to me; I've learned to love her little quirks. I can't bear to see her so miserable and depressed. If there were anyway I could do it myself without your help, I would, but obviously I don't have the proper equipment. Please, Harry, give her a pity-fuck for me!"

"What about afterwards? How will this affect our marriage and our relationship with Luna?"

"Friendship and love can conquer all adversities," Hermione asserted. "We'll be fine."

OK, look. I know that open marriages work for some people. But EVERYONE I have talked to who has either tried it or known others who have tried it said that it just led to more problems. I know, I know, anecdote =/= data. But still, I think it's naive to think that it WON'T affect the marriage. Hermione and Harry have not thought this out. Hermione isn't thinking about the consequences, she just feels bad for Luna. I think that's patronizing and insulting, and I hate them all. I'm also worried that I'm going to fuck up my html because my fingers are not behaving.

"You haven't said anything about any of this to Luna yet, have you?" Harry asked, concernedly.

"No, I wanted to talk to you first."

"I think this is something we should sleep on and not rush into," Harry recommended. "The holidays are ahead of us, Caitlin's trip to visit her father, the Yule Ball and then the debate. Can we at least wait until after the debate to make a final decision?"

"That's fine." Hermione agreed. "But you are seriously considering my request?"

"I'm seriously considering your request," Harry replied reluctantly.

"Good," Hermione said, sounding pleased. "I'll start researching Luna's cycle. As much as I want you to do this, I'd rather it not involve countless sessions."

Harry blanched; he hadn't even considered the possibility that it might take multiple times to impregnate Luna.

Yes, it frequently takes more than one try to get a woman pregnant. Even if you have sex on the most fertile day (the day before ovulation), fertilization doesn't always happen. And even if it does, a huge percentage of pregnancies end before the zygote gets to implant. It's kind of a wonder that humans have managed to keep going this long. I HATE YOU NEIL BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID AND YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T KNOW AN OVARY IF IT SMACKED YOU IN THE FACE.

* * * * * *

Sam has her baby. I had forgotten that she was even pregnant.

"Yes, Dad, I have my wand," Caitlin said patting the invisible sheath attached to her upper thigh. "I don't understand why you're so concerned with me taking it along. I'm going on vacation in Walt Disney World with my Dad, not out to fight some evil dark wizard. Your foreshadowing sucks, Neil. Besides, I'm not allowed to use magic outside of school anyway, so I don't see the need for carrying my wand."

"A witch never goes anywhere without her wand," Hermione insisted. "I only take mine off to shower."

"She's serious," Harry chuckled. "She even wears her wand when we have sex." Yeah, but that's only because she has to use Wingardium Leviosa to help you get it up.

"You must always be prepared," Hermione said, blushing slightly. She looked toward Harry. "Remember what Moody always told us, Constant Vigilance."

Everyone is acting super emotional, like they will never see Caitlin again. I guess Harry and Hermione have such a codependent relationship with their children that they can't handle them taking short trips without them.

Caitlin stood, nervously waiting for the Portkey to activate.

Evan tapped Emily on the shoulder. "Why is it necessary to Portkey nude?"

"Oh my god!" Emily screamed, lunging for the couch and Caitlin's dress.

"Caitlin, catch!" she yelled.

Just as the garment reached her outstretched fingers, Caitlin disappeared.

Hermione shook her head, a panicky expression on her face. "I can't believe we did that," she said aghast. "We just Portkeyed our daughter to the Orlando airport totally starkers."

Evan looked at Claudia. "I take it that it's not necessary to Portkey nude?" Evan said understatedly.

"I guess not," Claudia answered. "I've never done it myself and I just assumed ..."

Harry just stood there shaking his head. Finally he said, "Have we gotten that habituated to nudity that we take it so for granted. I hope at least the dress arrives with her."

"It's not here," Claudia said questioningly. "Doesn't that mean it went with her?"

"It left the castle with her," Harry explained, "but we have no idea of how good a grip she got on it. Portkey travel can be very turbulent. If she loses her hold on it, the dress could end up somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. I hope Caitlin ends up in the ocean. And gets eaten by sharks. Either way, she will initially be naked when she arrives in Orlando."

"Goodness!" declared Claudia. "Caitlin will be so embarrassed."

"No she won't be," replied Evan. "Caitlin prefers being nude."

"This isn't a case of what she prefers," Hermione retorted. "It's a matter of her safety. It's dangerous enough for her to be alone at the airport until she meets her father. I don't want to even think about what could happen to her naked in a crowded airport terminal."

Ah yes. Because the sight of a naked teenager is enough to turn decent men into rapists. DIAF, Neil.

"I doubt the Portkey will transport her to a crowded area," Harry said, trying to reassure Hermione. "It will probably terminate in a secluded area, maybe a bathroom."

"Well if it were me," Emily proclaimed, "I'd rather be deposited nude in the center of a hectic crowd of travelers than on the lap of an old biddy about to take a dump."

That's only because you get off on other people seeing you nude, Emily. And WHAT is your obsession with shit? Never mind, I don't want to know.

End of Chapter Ten

Chapter Nine: Daddy's Little Girl ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter Eleven: Will the Real Tom Pitt Please Stand Up?