Facing it alone: Chapter four
Title: Facing It Alone
Author: Allie
Summery: Matt receives some devastating news. Will he give in and ask for help, or will he try and face it alone?
Rating: R
Characters or Pairing: Matt, Danny, Harriet and Jordan
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I wish I did =)
Please read and review =)
Facing It Alone: Chapter One
Facing It Alone: Chapter Two
Facing It Alone: Chapter Three
Facing It Alone: Chapter Four
Matt lay awake in bed. He couldn't sleep; his brain refused to switch off. He slammed his fist down hard on the bed. Who was he kidding? He didn't want to be alone.
He hesitated a little before picking up the phone. It didn’t matter that it was the middle of the night; he just needed to hear that voice.
“Hi… Yeah it’s me. I’m not feeling well. Can you come over?”
XxXxX
It was Friday night, and Matt had just received his last chemotherapy session of the cycle. He was glad for the break, but in one week, it would all begin again.
He only just made it to the bathroom in time before he was violently sick again. He knelt on the floor, his knuckles turning white from gripping the bowl so hard, his stomach muscles aching from the constant retching. His head was pounding, he felt as though he was on fire. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the room would stop spinning as he slowly made his way back to his room on his hands and knees.
“Matthew!” He heard someone calling his name as he crawled in to bed.
“Matthew, are you okay?” He heard the voice again, this time louder than before.
“Harri…” Matt called out, his voice hoarse.
“Matthew, I’m here. Shh, it’s okay.”
“They’re biting me, make them stop!” He begged desperately as he thrashed around in bed.
“Matthew honey, nothing’s biting you. You’re worrying me.”
“Harri, please help me!”
“Honey, it’s okay. I think you have a fever.” She said, placing a thermometer under his tongue.
“They’re hurting me, the spiders are climbing all over me.”
“Baby, there’s nothing there.” She soothed, removing the thermometer from his mouth. “103 F, I’m calling your doctor.”
“I’m sorry Harri…”
“Matthew, it’s not Harriet, it’s me… Mom.”
XxXxX
After a couple of hours, Matt’s fever slowly started to go down.
“How are you feeling?” His mom asked, squeezing the excess water out of the washcloth before placing it on Matt’s forehead.
“I’ve felt better… I can’t believe you’re really here.” He said, reaching for her hand.
“Do you really think I’m that bad a mother? That when my son calls me in the middle of the night in tears, that I wouldn’t just jump on the next flight out to be with him?” She asked, wiping away the tears that were slowly running down her cheek.
“I don’t think you’re a bad mother.” Matt said, squeezing her hand gently. “But let’s face it; we’re not as close as we used to be.”
“I know. I hate myself everyday for pushing you away like that.” She told him; as she removed the warm, damp cloth from his forehead and soaked it in the bowl of cool water beside her, before placing it back onto his head.
“I really need you right now, mom.”
“Shhh. Try and get some sleep okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.” She told him, kissing his cheek softly as he closed his eyes.
XxXxX
Matt reluctantly made his way downstairs the next morning; the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen was making him sick to his stomach.
“Morning, sweetheart.”
“Hey mom.”
“Hi.”
Matt spun around when he heard Jack’s voice.
“Make yourself at home.” Matt muttered quietly under his breath.
“Matthew, I did not bring you up to talk to your friends like that.”
“It’s okay, Lizzy.” Jack explained. “Matt and I have an agreement; we’re not friends.”
“Well, you seem like a nice guy, Jack. Where are your other friends? Where’s Daniel when you need him? I have a good mind to go and tell him what I think of him.” She seethed, busying herself with the washing up.
“Mom, I haven’t told Danny.”
“He hasn’t told anyone.” Added Jack.
Matt looked at Jack, growling slightly.
“Thanks for that.”
“I cannot believe you Matthew.” Lizzy threw up her hands. “Did you really think you could do this alone?”
“No, but…”
“What about that girl you dated?”
“Harriet?”
“Was that her name?”
“Mom, we dated for five years.”
“Okay then, wouldn’t Harriet want to know?
“She would, but I don’t want anyone to know.” Explained Matt, as he pushed the food around on his plate.
“Stop playing with your food.” She sighed, frustrated with Matt. “Why not?”
“I think… I just… I don’t want people to look at me differently, which, they will once they find out.”
“For goodness sake, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”
“Matt, your mom’s right, you need to grow up here.”
“You grow up.” Retaliated Matt.
“No, you grow up!”
“You two sound like you’re friends to me!”
“We’re not friends.” They both informed her.
XxXxX
“You sure you’re okay to come back to work tomorrow?”
“Honestly, I’m fine.” Replied Matt, hoping he didn’t sound as exhausted as he felt.
“Okay! Hey Matt, I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I swear I just heard Jack Rudolph in the background.”
“What?” Matt laughed awkwardly. “That’s the T.V., Danny. Why would Jack be at my house?”
“Yeah, you’re right. I hope I’m not coming down with whatever you had.” Laughed Danny. “I’d have to kick your ass.”
“Yeah…” Replied Matt, sounding far more serious than he wanted to. “I’d hate for you to have to kick my ass.” He added, hoping Danny missed his seriousness.
“I know you would. Remember, I’m three years older and I’m stronger than you, little boy.” Teased Danny.
“Anyway Matty, get an early night okay?”
“Will do old man, bye!”
XxXxX
Matt lay in bed that night, Danny’s words playing over and over in his mind.
I hope I’m not coming down with whatever you had.
He knew Danny was joking, hell, Danny didn’t even know what was wrong with him, but those words still hit Matt hard.
He finally managed to get to sleep, with a couple of hours to spare before he had to wake up for work.
XxXxX
“We’ve missed you!” Suzanne said, welcoming Matt back with a friendly hug.
“Really?”
“Yeah, We’ve been lost without you. Although, Harriet did ask me not to tell you that, in case ‘it made your head grow any bigger than it already is’” Laughed Suzanne.
“Matty?” Danny called, running up the stairs, taking two at a time as he made his way towards Matt’s office.
"Hey." Matt swung around, only to be greeted by Danny's open arms.
“Hey buddy, you feeling better? You look tired, are you tired?” Danny asked, obviously concerned with Matt’s drained complexion.
“Honestly Danny, Don’t…”
“Don’t worry about it?” Danny laughed. Trust Matt to mock him with his very own catchphrase.
XxXxX
“Okay relax, we’re going to be fine. I have a lot of faith in you guys. Danny said you all worked really well together last week, and put on an amazing show. I’m sorry I put you in that position, but thank you.” Matt said, looking at Lucy, Darius and Andy as they sat around the table in the writers’ room.
“Danny told me about a story in yesterday’s paper. A driver doing 92mph - twice the limit, he told cops he had washed his car and was trying to dry it in Medina, Wisconsin. Do you guys want to take a whack at writing a sketch about an incredibly bad criminal?”
“Uh, sure” Lucy replied, slightly unconvincingly.
“Leave it to us Matt.” Andy reassured him.
“Right, great. I’m right upstairs when you need me.”
XxXxX
Matt sat on the sofa in his office, repeatedly throwing his tennis ball against the wall.
“How’s it going?” Danny asked, as he walked in to Matt’s office, catching the ball as it flew towards him.
“Good good… good good good.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely.”
“Good.”
“Nope.”
“Yeah?”
“Why do we pay these people again?” Exclaimed Matt, plopping himself down in his seat.
“Who?”
“Lucy and Darius. Andy’s practically working alone down there.”
“Really? Andy said they were great last week.”
Matt paused for a moment. “Well, what does Andy know?”
“Okaaay.” Danny said, raising an eyebrow at Matt as he left the office.
XxXxX
“Hey Harri, can I have a word?” Danny asked, knocking on Harriet’s dressing room door later that afternoon.
“Sure, what’s up?”
Danny was silent for a few seconds, while he carefully chose his words, not wanting to worry Harriet.
“Have you seen Matt since he’s been back?”
“No, I haven’t, why?” Harriet asked, biting her lip nervously.
“It’s just… he seems different. He’s only been back a few hours, and he’s already pissed people off. It usually takes him a good few days to rub that many people the wrong way, you know?”
“Suzanne said he’s been coughing all morning, so he probably still doesn’t feel well.” Harriet reassured him.
“Yeah, He does look tired.”
“He had the flu, Danny. It can really knock you out. Give him a few days to get back in to the swing of it.”
“You’re probably right.”
“So don’t Wo…”
“Don’t worry about it? I know!” Danny laughed. Did he really tell people not to worry about it that much?
XxXxX
After a particularly gruelling day at work, Harriet made her way up to Matt’s office. She hadn’t had the chance to talk to him properly since he’d returned to work that morning, and after talking to Danny, she wanted to check on him herself. Harriet popped her head around his door and smiled when she saw he was fast asleep on the couch.
“Matthew.” Whispered Harriet as she knelt down on the floor next to him.
“Huh?”
“Wake up sleepy head.”
“What time is it?”
“Almost 6. You should go home, you look exhausted.” Harriet said as she played with his hair, gently twirling it between her fingers.
“No, I’m fine.” Insisted Matt, as he sat up quickly, being hit by a sudden wave of nausea as he did. “Seriously Harriet, I’m okay. I’m just tired, that’s all.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” Matt said, as he pulled Harriet in for a quick hug.
“Okay. But is there absolutely nothing I can say that will convince you to go home?” Harriet asked hopefully.
“Nope…I can’t go home anyway.” Explained Matt, breaking eye contact.
“How come?”
“I can’t go home because…”
TBC