(no subject)
You guys, I need a hug.
So my parents are both off to Qatar, leaving two cars at my disposal. One of them, the green car, is a stick shift. This is the car I'm supposed to be using. The other car, the white car, is an automatic, and is heading towards its last legs. It's not there yet, but soonish. ANYWAY, I hate stick shift. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I drove my dad to the airport on Monday in the green car, and it was my first real in-town practice with it, and I got pretty seriously stalled in a couple of high-traffic places, but I did get there. And I got home much better, I only stalled once and it was an easy fix. Then I drove the green car to work on Tuesday, and didn't stall at all, it was fine.
Wednesday, I drove the white car to work, because I had a lot of running around to do at lunch, and I could do it quicker in the white car. Yesterday, I drove the white car again, because I was running late. Today, I drove the green car, but it was raining this morning and the traffic was horrible, what with students and construction, and I had a really hard time. I stalled in a couple of places, and I kept squealing the tires on the wet pavement, and I was just nervous and panicky the whole way to work. So at lunch, I drove the green car home and swapped it out for the white car, because I just couldn't stand the thought of having to drive the green car home in rush hour traffic when it's maybe going to be raining again.
And I know that it gets easier with practice, and I know that it's not the end of the world if I stall the car, but oh my god, I hate it so much. I'm seriously thinking about buying a car, even though I probably can't really afford it, but OH MY GOD. I know, intellectually, that I can drive a stick shift, but I absolutely do not forsee ever enjoying it, or at all liking it BETTER than an automatic, which people keep claiming I will. I WILL NOT. And I don't see why that is such an illegitimate position for me to take. I can drive a stick shift, and I don't like it. Why is that not a valid opinion for me? Why is it more valid for me to force myself to drive the stick shift and be nervous and tense and upset all the time than to just choose another option?
I don't know. I'm going to try and drive the green car a lot on the weekend, and maybe I'll feel better about it, but I just. I can't even imagine having to drive it in slush and snow in a month or two. I mean, I can imagine it, and I got really upset when I was trying to explain to my boss this morning why I was going to switch cars at lunch. I didn't actually cry, but I got that horrible wavery voice thing, which was embarrassing. But I'm afraid that my parents will be disappointed in me. And I just know that if I don't learn to love the stick shift, my uncle is going to be merciless about it, which is infuriating, considering that I just spent the weekend before last driving his wife and daughter around Michigan, because my aunt is terrified to drive ANY car outside of the city, let alone on the highway or in another country.
Anyway, I need a hug, and my mommy is not available to me until December, and I can't squish my pets for another three hours, and I might cry at work. Ack.
(Just so we're clear, I'm not in the mood right now to be told that I will love it once I get the hang of it. If you're inclined to say that to me, please know that I appreciate your support, but maybe you could save that bit of advice for another day?)
So my parents are both off to Qatar, leaving two cars at my disposal. One of them, the green car, is a stick shift. This is the car I'm supposed to be using. The other car, the white car, is an automatic, and is heading towards its last legs. It's not there yet, but soonish. ANYWAY, I hate stick shift. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I drove my dad to the airport on Monday in the green car, and it was my first real in-town practice with it, and I got pretty seriously stalled in a couple of high-traffic places, but I did get there. And I got home much better, I only stalled once and it was an easy fix. Then I drove the green car to work on Tuesday, and didn't stall at all, it was fine.
Wednesday, I drove the white car to work, because I had a lot of running around to do at lunch, and I could do it quicker in the white car. Yesterday, I drove the white car again, because I was running late. Today, I drove the green car, but it was raining this morning and the traffic was horrible, what with students and construction, and I had a really hard time. I stalled in a couple of places, and I kept squealing the tires on the wet pavement, and I was just nervous and panicky the whole way to work. So at lunch, I drove the green car home and swapped it out for the white car, because I just couldn't stand the thought of having to drive the green car home in rush hour traffic when it's maybe going to be raining again.
And I know that it gets easier with practice, and I know that it's not the end of the world if I stall the car, but oh my god, I hate it so much. I'm seriously thinking about buying a car, even though I probably can't really afford it, but OH MY GOD. I know, intellectually, that I can drive a stick shift, but I absolutely do not forsee ever enjoying it, or at all liking it BETTER than an automatic, which people keep claiming I will. I WILL NOT. And I don't see why that is such an illegitimate position for me to take. I can drive a stick shift, and I don't like it. Why is that not a valid opinion for me? Why is it more valid for me to force myself to drive the stick shift and be nervous and tense and upset all the time than to just choose another option?
I don't know. I'm going to try and drive the green car a lot on the weekend, and maybe I'll feel better about it, but I just. I can't even imagine having to drive it in slush and snow in a month or two. I mean, I can imagine it, and I got really upset when I was trying to explain to my boss this morning why I was going to switch cars at lunch. I didn't actually cry, but I got that horrible wavery voice thing, which was embarrassing. But I'm afraid that my parents will be disappointed in me. And I just know that if I don't learn to love the stick shift, my uncle is going to be merciless about it, which is infuriating, considering that I just spent the weekend before last driving his wife and daughter around Michigan, because my aunt is terrified to drive ANY car outside of the city, let alone on the highway or in another country.
Anyway, I need a hug, and my mommy is not available to me until December, and I can't squish my pets for another three hours, and I might cry at work. Ack.
(Just so we're clear, I'm not in the mood right now to be told that I will love it once I get the hang of it. If you're inclined to say that to me, please know that I appreciate your support, but maybe you could save that bit of advice for another day?)