PoT: fifteen-love

[striking_sparks]

Fandom: Prince of Tennis
Pairing: Tezuka/Ryoma
Rating: PG
Continuity: probably manga, no spoilers
Notes: for pillarchallenge. 1000 words, no idea why the second person, high school-ish again.

Comments

[kessie]

There's something almost chilling about this. *ponders* It could be the use of second-person narrative, or just that sense of impending doom that Tezuka carries around with him. I liked the use of second-person in this, like a thoughtful voyeur; it's very effective, and suited this piece. It does feel like we're intruding upon them a little.

(I actually like second-person a lot, even though I use it rarely. Done well, it's very good, and I wish it wasn't sort of universally hated.)

♥

[todaythesamesky]

Oh. That was breath-stoppingly lovely. Wonderful and intimate, god, so... they're in love, so clearly in love, and the way they spoke the game, ahhh- there are no words. Just... it seems like you've captured them, it feels like them, in such a private moment that I feel almost like I'm spying on them, like this is something I shouldn't be seeing, and oh, the ending.

"Don't take them off for anyone else, buchou."

That made me gasp and I actually sat there for a moment with my hand over my mouth before I started breathing again.

It was just so beautiful. I adored this.

[venivincere]

I love this! Lines that made me swoon:

Too many times you have had to remind yourself that you are his captain.

You are still his captain, and he is still a fifteen-year-old boy with more talent than his small body should contain. No amount of kisses will change that, or your responsibilities.

"Fifteen-love," you whisper eventually

You have never been this close to anyone; until now, touch has seemed an imposition, but Echizen has never paid any heed to boundaries.

You are the one who understands rules and proprieties and restrictions, but you have known for a long time that together you have no limits.

Don't take them off for anyone else, buchou."

The whole time reading this, I felt like I was continuously inhaling, filling up with heated air. This is a slow build to a love scene; it's foreplay. Very nicely done!

[fluttering]

The second-narrative point of view fit this piece excellently. Echizen's maturity, and Tezuka's lack of wangst was just the right combination to make this short fic into an interesting read. Good work :D

[storyteller]

Last line killed me dead.

Why do all of your fics make me cry? They are too damned beautiful and emotional to handle, really.

♥