Grey's Anatomy: Erase (1/1)
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Title: Erase
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete (1/1)
Author: englishstrawbie
Characters/Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: Here.
Author's Note: the idea started as speculation about the season 6 finale but after this, some might call it a big ol' spoiler.
Callie sits on the bed, her legs crossed and her feet tucked up underneath her. She watches Arizona packing up her things as she removes all trace of her presence from the bedroom. As she does, Callie realises how embedded in her life Arizona has become - her clothes filling the wardrobe, her beauty products taking up space in the bathroom, her pyjamas tucked neatly under the pillow on her side of the bed, the scent of her perfume lingering on the bed sheets.
It will all be gone soon.
She tries to remember what her room looked like before Arizona all but moved in, but she can no longer picture it. Arizona’s imprint is everywhere - in her apartment, at the hospital, in her head. She knows it will be hard to erase all that.
She wonders why she is putting herself through this, but she feels like it is something they should do together. After all, they made this decision together.
It was the most adult break-up she had ever been through. She had allowed Arizona to talk about everything but Callie’s desire to have children for a while, but eventually it was harder to avoid the subject than talk about it. Deep down, they had both known that the conversation was inevitable. What Callie hadn’t counted on was the inevitable conclusion.
A bottle of wine had eased them into the conversation. They had been honest; brutally so at times. Callie wanted children but Arizona did not. Neither one of them had questioned how much they loved each other, but it had turned out that loving each other was not enough. There was no compromise by either of them. How could there be?
So the decision was made; and as soon as it was, underneath the overwhelming sadness that she felt, there was also a sense of relief that Callie knew was matched in Arizona.
They had made love afterwards, slowly, passionately, angrily at times; clinging on to one another, clinging on to the night for as long as possible.
It was a memory that would not be easily erased.
She hears Arizona sigh.
She stands by the chest of drawers, her shoulders slumped, her head hanging low, her body heavy in grief. Arizona always wondered what it felt like when people talked about having a ’heavy heart’ and now she knows. She feels broken. She wants to believe that this isn’t really the end, but she knows that it is. She had seen this coming since the night Callie had told her she wanted a baby… that she had to have a baby at some time in her life. What she hadn’t been prepared for was how much it would hurt.
She had thought about it - having children with Callie. She had argued with herself over and over again, trying to convince herself that it would be ok just like Callie said; but then she would sleep and the nightmares would come, and she knew that she could never put her heart on the line like that.
Now, here she was leaving the place that has become her home and going back to the apartment that has sat vacant for the last six months. She only goes there to collect her post. The last time she was there, she noticed she had a new neighbour but she hadn’t cared enough to introduce herself. Why bother? She had been waiting for a sign from Callie that she wanted her to move in permanently.
Irony really did kick her ass this time.
Her fingers graze over something metallic and she looks down to find a silver necklace in her hand, a Tiffany heart shining up at her. She lifts her other hand and finds a matching necklace hanging around her own neck. She closes her eyes and remembers that afternoon on Valentine’s day when Callie had given her the necklace as a gift. She remembers her reaction of amusement and disappointment as she presented Callie with the same necklace. She remembers the laughter that had filled the open air as they sat in the park, side by side and hand in hand, overlooking the city on the bench that had become their favourite lunchtime spot.
A lump forms in her throat and she chokes on the tears that threaten to fall. She doesn’t want Callie to see her cry and she walks - almost runs - to the bathroom.
Hiding.
Hiding away from the glare of those deep brown eyes that she has fallen so madly in love with.
She leans against the wall and breathes deeply. Her heart beats quickly, pounding hard against her chest as if it’s reminding her body that it’s there.
She tries to clear her mind and finds herself thinking about the last time Callie’s father visited. She thinks about the way she defended Callie - and, in some ways, defended herself and their relationship. She thinks about the way he had taken her to one side later on that day and told her in no uncertain terms that she had better not hurt his daughter. She wonders with a wry smile whether he will pin her against the wall the next time he visits and threaten to kill her, just as he had done with George and Mark.
Her smile quickly fades. She knows she deserves his stern words. She had promised to protect the things she loves and she has failed.
She doesn’t want this but there’s no going back.
She sighs and distracts herself with the task in hand, gathering up her belongings in her arms. She wishes she could stay hidden until it felt easier to do this, but she knows that it will never feel easy. Walking out that door will always be hard.
When she emerges from the bathroom, Callie is gone. A noise from the apartment tells her that she isn’t far. She throws her toiletries into the bag and pulls the zip shut.
Six months of her life in one holdall.
Callie sits at the kitchen counter pouring two glasses of wine as she waits for her. She hears Arizona walk out of the bedroom and pushes one glass towards the empty stool beside her. She feels Arizona pause in the doorway of the bedroom, unsure whether to accept the invitation, and Callie turns in her seat, her eyes inviting her to join her.
Their eyes meet and they see the sadness about the finality of the evening mirrored in each other. Arizona moves towards her and lifts herself up onto the stool. She wraps her hand around the stem of the glass, fingering it delicately. She feels nervous suddenly; nervous about how this evening might end.
Callie picks up her glass and cradles it in her hand momentarily, before raising it towards Arizona. She thinks about making a toast but realises that there is nothing left to say now, so she says nothing.
Arizona lifts her glass and knocks it gently against Callie’s. They drink, savouring the silence. So many words have been spoken recently. The silence is comforting.
“Can I ask you something?” Callie breaks the silence with her question.
Arizona is startled by the sound of her voice. She lifts her head, a curious frown on her face, before she nods.
“Why me? What that night at Joe’s?” Callie asks, her own curiosity getting the better of her as she thinks back on that night when Arizona introduced herself in the bathroom.
Arizona smiles at the memory, remembering all the reasons she had set her sights on the dark-haired beauty.
“I heard people talking about you at the hospital; and I watched you from the gallery once while you were operating. You didn’t know who I was,” she answers. “You intrigued me. I wanted to get to know you and learn more about you. Plus I thought you were hot.”
A smile passes over Callie’s face but her eyes remain sad.
“I still think you’re hot,” Arizona says, leaning her body weight into Callie and nudging her arm.
Her words don’t bring the reaction Arizona had hoped for. Callie looks at her, the smile dropping from her face. A single tear falls from the corner of her eye. Before she can stop herself, Arizona reaches up and wipes it away with her fingertips, her hand lingering for longer than it should.
She knows it’s wrong and that it will just make things harder, but she leans forward anyway and presses her lips against Callie’s. She needs to know that their last kiss means something, even if it only means goodbye.
She can taste salty tears on her lips, but she doesn’t know if they are coming from Callie’s eyes or her own. Her lips are soft and the taste is so familiar. She finds it hard to believe that she won’t experience this again.
Arizona breaks the kiss but keeps her face close to Callie’s, their noses rubbing together. “I should go,” Arizona says softly, her breath hot against Callie’s face.
Callie shakes her head. “Stay for dinner?” she pleads desperately, not ready for this to be over. “We could order pizza - for old time’s sake.”
“I can’t. If I stay…I might never leave.”
Saying the words out loud tears through Arizona’s heart. She wants to stay; she knows that Callie wants her to stay; and yet they both know that she can’t.
She pulls back and slides off the stool graciously. She slips her jacket on before picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder.
“If I’ve left anything behind…”
“…I’ll bring it to work,” Callie finishes her sentence, hating the sudden formality between them.
Arizona nods her head slightly and walks towards the door, those few steps feeling like the longest journey she has ever taken. She stops suddenly and turns back towards Callie.
“I love you,” she says matter-of-factly.
“I love you too,” Callie says, her voice breaking. She can’t stop her tears from falling any more and she squeezes her eyes shut, black mascara staining her wet cheeks.
When she opens her eyes again, Arizona is gone and she is alone. The apartment is peaceful, ignorant of what has just happened. Callie doesn’t move from the middle of the room. She folds her arms across her chest, hugging her body, and she stands still, soaking in her empty surroundings.
This is a memory that will not be easily erased.
Title: Erase
Rating: PG-13
Status: Complete (1/1)
Author: englishstrawbie
Characters/Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: Here.
Author's Note: the idea started as speculation about the season 6 finale but after this, some might call it a big ol' spoiler.
Callie sits on the bed, her legs crossed and her feet tucked up underneath her. She watches Arizona packing up her things as she removes all trace of her presence from the bedroom. As she does, Callie realises how embedded in her life Arizona has become - her clothes filling the wardrobe, her beauty products taking up space in the bathroom, her pyjamas tucked neatly under the pillow on her side of the bed, the scent of her perfume lingering on the bed sheets.
It will all be gone soon.
She tries to remember what her room looked like before Arizona all but moved in, but she can no longer picture it. Arizona’s imprint is everywhere - in her apartment, at the hospital, in her head. She knows it will be hard to erase all that.
She wonders why she is putting herself through this, but she feels like it is something they should do together. After all, they made this decision together.
It was the most adult break-up she had ever been through. She had allowed Arizona to talk about everything but Callie’s desire to have children for a while, but eventually it was harder to avoid the subject than talk about it. Deep down, they had both known that the conversation was inevitable. What Callie hadn’t counted on was the inevitable conclusion.
A bottle of wine had eased them into the conversation. They had been honest; brutally so at times. Callie wanted children but Arizona did not. Neither one of them had questioned how much they loved each other, but it had turned out that loving each other was not enough. There was no compromise by either of them. How could there be?
So the decision was made; and as soon as it was, underneath the overwhelming sadness that she felt, there was also a sense of relief that Callie knew was matched in Arizona.
They had made love afterwards, slowly, passionately, angrily at times; clinging on to one another, clinging on to the night for as long as possible.
It was a memory that would not be easily erased.
She hears Arizona sigh.
She stands by the chest of drawers, her shoulders slumped, her head hanging low, her body heavy in grief. Arizona always wondered what it felt like when people talked about having a ’heavy heart’ and now she knows. She feels broken. She wants to believe that this isn’t really the end, but she knows that it is. She had seen this coming since the night Callie had told her she wanted a baby… that she had to have a baby at some time in her life. What she hadn’t been prepared for was how much it would hurt.
She had thought about it - having children with Callie. She had argued with herself over and over again, trying to convince herself that it would be ok just like Callie said; but then she would sleep and the nightmares would come, and she knew that she could never put her heart on the line like that.
Now, here she was leaving the place that has become her home and going back to the apartment that has sat vacant for the last six months. She only goes there to collect her post. The last time she was there, she noticed she had a new neighbour but she hadn’t cared enough to introduce herself. Why bother? She had been waiting for a sign from Callie that she wanted her to move in permanently.
Irony really did kick her ass this time.
Her fingers graze over something metallic and she looks down to find a silver necklace in her hand, a Tiffany heart shining up at her. She lifts her other hand and finds a matching necklace hanging around her own neck. She closes her eyes and remembers that afternoon on Valentine’s day when Callie had given her the necklace as a gift. She remembers her reaction of amusement and disappointment as she presented Callie with the same necklace. She remembers the laughter that had filled the open air as they sat in the park, side by side and hand in hand, overlooking the city on the bench that had become their favourite lunchtime spot.
A lump forms in her throat and she chokes on the tears that threaten to fall. She doesn’t want Callie to see her cry and she walks - almost runs - to the bathroom.
Hiding.
Hiding away from the glare of those deep brown eyes that she has fallen so madly in love with.
She leans against the wall and breathes deeply. Her heart beats quickly, pounding hard against her chest as if it’s reminding her body that it’s there.
She tries to clear her mind and finds herself thinking about the last time Callie’s father visited. She thinks about the way she defended Callie - and, in some ways, defended herself and their relationship. She thinks about the way he had taken her to one side later on that day and told her in no uncertain terms that she had better not hurt his daughter. She wonders with a wry smile whether he will pin her against the wall the next time he visits and threaten to kill her, just as he had done with George and Mark.
Her smile quickly fades. She knows she deserves his stern words. She had promised to protect the things she loves and she has failed.
She doesn’t want this but there’s no going back.
She sighs and distracts herself with the task in hand, gathering up her belongings in her arms. She wishes she could stay hidden until it felt easier to do this, but she knows that it will never feel easy. Walking out that door will always be hard.
When she emerges from the bathroom, Callie is gone. A noise from the apartment tells her that she isn’t far. She throws her toiletries into the bag and pulls the zip shut.
Six months of her life in one holdall.
Callie sits at the kitchen counter pouring two glasses of wine as she waits for her. She hears Arizona walk out of the bedroom and pushes one glass towards the empty stool beside her. She feels Arizona pause in the doorway of the bedroom, unsure whether to accept the invitation, and Callie turns in her seat, her eyes inviting her to join her.
Their eyes meet and they see the sadness about the finality of the evening mirrored in each other. Arizona moves towards her and lifts herself up onto the stool. She wraps her hand around the stem of the glass, fingering it delicately. She feels nervous suddenly; nervous about how this evening might end.
Callie picks up her glass and cradles it in her hand momentarily, before raising it towards Arizona. She thinks about making a toast but realises that there is nothing left to say now, so she says nothing.
Arizona lifts her glass and knocks it gently against Callie’s. They drink, savouring the silence. So many words have been spoken recently. The silence is comforting.
“Can I ask you something?” Callie breaks the silence with her question.
Arizona is startled by the sound of her voice. She lifts her head, a curious frown on her face, before she nods.
“Why me? What that night at Joe’s?” Callie asks, her own curiosity getting the better of her as she thinks back on that night when Arizona introduced herself in the bathroom.
Arizona smiles at the memory, remembering all the reasons she had set her sights on the dark-haired beauty.
“I heard people talking about you at the hospital; and I watched you from the gallery once while you were operating. You didn’t know who I was,” she answers. “You intrigued me. I wanted to get to know you and learn more about you. Plus I thought you were hot.”
A smile passes over Callie’s face but her eyes remain sad.
“I still think you’re hot,” Arizona says, leaning her body weight into Callie and nudging her arm.
Her words don’t bring the reaction Arizona had hoped for. Callie looks at her, the smile dropping from her face. A single tear falls from the corner of her eye. Before she can stop herself, Arizona reaches up and wipes it away with her fingertips, her hand lingering for longer than it should.
She knows it’s wrong and that it will just make things harder, but she leans forward anyway and presses her lips against Callie’s. She needs to know that their last kiss means something, even if it only means goodbye.
She can taste salty tears on her lips, but she doesn’t know if they are coming from Callie’s eyes or her own. Her lips are soft and the taste is so familiar. She finds it hard to believe that she won’t experience this again.
Arizona breaks the kiss but keeps her face close to Callie’s, their noses rubbing together. “I should go,” Arizona says softly, her breath hot against Callie’s face.
Callie shakes her head. “Stay for dinner?” she pleads desperately, not ready for this to be over. “We could order pizza - for old time’s sake.”
“I can’t. If I stay…I might never leave.”
Saying the words out loud tears through Arizona’s heart. She wants to stay; she knows that Callie wants her to stay; and yet they both know that she can’t.
She pulls back and slides off the stool graciously. She slips her jacket on before picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder.
“If I’ve left anything behind…”
“…I’ll bring it to work,” Callie finishes her sentence, hating the sudden formality between them.
Arizona nods her head slightly and walks towards the door, those few steps feeling like the longest journey she has ever taken. She stops suddenly and turns back towards Callie.
“I love you,” she says matter-of-factly.
“I love you too,” Callie says, her voice breaking. She can’t stop her tears from falling any more and she squeezes her eyes shut, black mascara staining her wet cheeks.
When she opens her eyes again, Arizona is gone and she is alone. The apartment is peaceful, ignorant of what has just happened. Callie doesn’t move from the middle of the room. She folds her arms across her chest, hugging her body, and she stands still, soaking in her empty surroundings.
This is a memory that will not be easily erased.