038.
Title: I've Got a Feeling This Year's for Me and You (so happy christmas, i love you baby)
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: R
Warning/Spoiler: Uhm, swearing? And mentions of possible illegal paraphernalia aka Gwaine's Infamous Christmas Punch.
Note: This was written for joymaro as part of the merlin_land gift challenge. This is the longest fic I have ever written. I am quite proud of myself. A HUGE ASS THANK YOU TO renrenren3 and redjumper for being awesome betas and cheerleaders. They had to put up with the initial draft which had far more excessive commas and fragmented sentences lmfao. This was also loosely inspired by WHAM!'s Last Christmas. Title was taken from The Pogue's Fairytale of New York (one of the best Christmas songs you will ever listen to. Ever!)
Summary: He didn’t exactly know how it happened, but he was pretty sure it involved Gwen and Morgana, and a sprig of mistletoe. || Where Arthur and Merlin hooked up underneath a festive plant one fine Christmas Eve night, and Arthur promptly bollocksed it up. Fast forward to the year after, will he be given a second chance?
Disclaimer: The Beeb and Shine own Merlin.
Word Count: 4300 words
|►| {December 24, 2010}
The party was in full force. The music was loud. The crowd was enveloped in drunken merriment.
Merlin refilled his cup with Gwaine’s Infamous Christmas Punch which contained more than seven kinds of different alcoholic drinks. He wasn’t even sure if most of them were permitted for consumption in Great Britain. It was no wonder he was already feeling the pleasant buzz of intoxication. But not quite, yet. He leaned against the door frame of the kitchen and watched his friends, both old and new, and smiled despite himself.
2010 had been a good year for him, all things considered. His first year of residency had been hectic at best, and hell-on-Earth at worst. But he enjoyed it most of the time. He had always been a little bit masochistic, he thought. Despite his work schedule, he even managed to visit his mother a few times over the year. It was progress from the past years when he would only able to go once, twice at most, a year. And regardless of the lack of love interest in his life at that moment, he was happy. He had his friends, and they were enough.
“What are you thinking of, love?”
Merlin, slightly startled, turned to his side. Gwen was leaning on the opposite of the door frame, nursing her own punch and looking at him with a small sweet smile on her face.
“Nothing much, really. Do you know what’s in this punch, anyway?”
Gwen laughed. “No. And knowing Gwaine, they can’t be all legal.”
“Yeah, thought so,” he smiled and chuckled at the thought. They settled in comfortable companionship as they watched the crowd silently.
“Gwen!” someone called out from the crowd. Both Merlin and Gwen craned their necks in search of the origin of the voice. In a few moments, Lance managed to work his way through the horde of people.
“Lance? What’s wrong?” Gwen asked, concern etched on her face.
“Nothing,” he said, beaming widely at his girlfriend. “I have a surprise for you.” Lance was practically bouncing on his toes and kept looking behind him. Curious, Merlin and Gwen directed their attention to the spot.
Just then, more people emerged from the crowd: a dark-haired woman with a blond man in tow. Merlin was initially frozen on the spot as the woman gave them a pleasant smile. He was sure his heart had stopped pumping for a few seconds. It sure felt like it. Suddenly, the room was too small, his face was too warm, and he had an irresistible urge to go outside.
So he did.
-
On his way out, he distinctly heard Gwen’s excited squeal as she shouted the other woman’s name. It only made him walk faster, the sense of urgency vibrating throughout his whole body. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the blond man’s face quickly passing through different emotions as his gaze landed on Merlin, then immediately returning to the casual indifference that usually graced his features.
“Merlin!” someone called after him. He had half the mind to ignore that person, whoever he was. Instead, he just shouted over the loud music,
“Air! I need air,” and continued his way towards the balcony.
It was freezing, but thankfully the snow had stopped falling. The ground was snow-covered. Roofs of houses were embellished with thick white snow in contrast to the red bricks that served as their foundations. An abundance of white blanketed everywhere Merlin set his eyes on. It was rather picturesque, like a scene taken directly from a postcard.
He shivered as the wind gushed past him. He really should have grabbed his anorak on his way out, but in his state of panic, all he could think about was his escape plan.
Someone opened the balcony door and Merlin turned sharply towards it, his heart leaping out of his chest. He let out an audible sigh of relief when he realised it was just Gwaine, holding his jacket out to him as he made his way towards Merlin.
“Can’t let you freeze to death on Christmas Eve, now can I?” he said.
“Thanks.”
There was a moment of silence, both of them enjoying the sight before them. Colourful lights against the white of the snow. Gwaine broke the nearing stilted quiet when he voiced out what they were both avoiding to talk about.
“Pendragon is in there.”
“I know,” Merlin replied as casually as he could. He looked out ahead of him.
“Is that why you’re out here then?”
“No!” It may have come out a bit too quick, and Gwaine just stared at him, waiting.
“Maybe,” he said. Silence. He sighed before he conceded. “Fine. Yes.”
“He’s an idiot, Merlin,” Gwaine commented after some time, while bumping his shoulder against the other man in a way that conveyed ‘but I’m not holding that against you’.
“Yeah. Yeah, he is,” Merlin agree, nodding his head as his lips dipped into a frown.
|◄◄| {December 24, 2009}
Merlin had a Santa hat, a pink blowout in between his lips and a maracas, of all things, in his right hand. He should have felt foolish, he sure looked foolish, but he had just about enough alcohol in his body not to care. He blew the blowout whilst shaking the maracas, making loud noises in the process, and Gwen laughed at him, almost toppling to the floor in the process.
Their annual Christmas Eve party was a success, once again. It was just well past midnight and a few people were already sprawled horizontally in different parts of their flat.
“So, Merlin,” Gwen giggled at him again. He lightly pushed at her for her efforts as he laughed along with her. “Shhhh! Wait. So. Arthur is supposed to be here somewhere.”
“Is he?” Merlin raised a questioning eyebrow at his best friend. “Did you wrap him up in a bow for me? Is he under our Christmas tree? Is he naked?” He loudly whispered the last part and then peered over Gwen’s shoulder, in the direction of their small Christmas tree, and checked just in case.
Gwen slapped him in the arm and laughed. “I’m serious, you eejit.” Merlin only slightly protested at that. “I saw his sister Morgana a while ago. And she said he’s coming up soon. I guess soon should be around now, yeah?”
“What is Arthur Pendragon even doing in our party? Doesn’t he have some posh party he could go to with his posh medical friends, or something?”
“I think Morgana invited him. It was either that or dinner with their father,” Gwen shrugged. “And you’re a med student, too.”
“Yeah, but I’m not his friend.”
Merlin was silent after. He had been harbouring a crush on Arthur since he first met him two years ago, in a conference about Genetics which many medical students like them attended. Arthur hadn't spoken to him then, but word got around that he was the heir to the Pendragon Medical Groups. His father turned out to be the owner of several private hospitals all over Britain, and his stepsister, though only a few years older than him, was already on her way to becoming one of England’s top cardiac surgeons.
As fate would have it, Morgana had become close friends with his best friend Gwen, a nurse in one of the Pendragon hospitals. This warranted him a few more encounters with the younger Pendragon in the following months.
To Merlin’s chagrin, Arthur’s good looks did not represent his personality, which was to say, he was a bloody prat and a total pillock. What was more irritating, Merlin thought, was that his attraction to the blond man never lessened despite his arrogance.
Gwen bumped against him to catch his attention again.
“What?” he asked sheepishly. Gwen only rolled her eyes.
“I said, maybe you should just push him in a corner, snog the living hell out of him, and get it over and done with. Your pining, even on Christmas, is getting worrisome.”
“I don’t pine, Gwen.”
“Yes you do. You get that look in your eyes, and that small pout on your lips whenever he is mentioned.”
“I do not.”
“You do, love. You do. Do you want me to ask Lance or Gwaine?”
Merlin huffed. “No. Fine. Whatever, Gwen. He’s totally straight.”
“Word is that he’s not.”
Merlin looked at her with wide eyes, and she smiled a Cheshire grin at him while she shrugged.
Merlin rolled his eyes, but considered his option.
-
He didn’t exactly know how it happened, but he was pretty sure it involved Gwen and Morgana, and a sprig of mistletoe.
One moment Gwen was calling him to the kitchen, then the next he was under the festive plant with none other than Arthur fucking Pendragon.
“Come on Arthur, kiss him!” he heard Morgana coax her stepbrother. Gwen giggled incessantly. They were already gathering quite a crowd.
Merlin suddenly felt very sober and self-conscious. He shuffled nervously next to Arthur, his eyes fixed on his Converse high tops and his hands shoved down his jean pockets. He was pretty sure Arthur was studying him, in that overbearing and curious way. He avoided his gaze.
“Oh for crying-,” Merlin had barely time to look up when he felt Arthur grab his shoulders and pull him towards himself.
Merlin stayed frozen only for a few seconds before he was kissing back with just as much fervour. He tilted his head ever so slightly to fit them together even better. This gave Arthur a better access to his mouth. One of his hands raked through Arthur’s golden hair, while the other placed itself against the back of the other man’s neck. He felt Arthur push at him, lips still locked, until his back hit the door frame of the kitchen. Loud encouraging whoops and hollers rang all around them, but Merlin found himself not caring at the very least that they were giving everyone a little show.
Arthur parted his lips open and Merlin happily darted his tongue in, deepening the kiss further. When Arthur pulled back a bit, it was only to take Merlin’s bottom lip and nip at it softly.
Merlin sighed, then disentangled himself from Arthur. Arthur’s eyes were blown wide with lust and want, his lips were red and swollen, and his hair was in such a dishevelled state, it did not have the right to look as sexy as it still did then. He saw confusion etched on Arthur’s face, then realisation. Somehow, he managed to school his face back to the aloof expression he usually had.
Merlin only rolled his eyes at him before wrapping his long fingers around Arthur’s wrist and pulling him towards the direction of Merlin’s bedroom.
-
Merlin woke up with a stream of light glaring at his face, almost blinding him. He groaned and squinted his eyes open before shutting them again. He buried his face in his pillow and stretched his arm to the side.
He frowned.
He was alone. Though that wasn't really a foreign concept, he had the feeling that something was amiss. Then, memories of last night came flooding in. The feel of a man’s sweaty body against his, their lingering touches burned Merlin’s skin. He remembered sensual touches and desperate moans and deep thrusts and then soft sweet kisses after they both had come undone.
“Come on Merlin, come for me,” Arthur groaned in his ears. He threw his head back as he desperately clutched at Arthur’s shoulders while riding him.
“Come on love,” Arthur encouraged him as he thrusted fast and hard into Merlin. “You are so beautiful.”
He bit at Merlin’s neck hard and the pain pushed Merlin over the edge. It was all it took for him to burst and reach his climax. His muscles spasmed around Arthur’s cock and he felt him follow a few more thrusts after.
They both collapsed on the bed, tired but satisfied.
Arthur slowly pulled out of Merlin and Merlin hissed, clinging tighter to Arthur.
“I love you,” Merlin whispered before he could think of what he was about to say. It was barely audible, but it was already out there. To be heard. To be received. To be scrutinised. Merlin almost wished he could take it back, only not really.
Arthur didn’t reply, just kissed Merlin’s shoulder and carded his fingers through Merlin’s hair in a soothing way. He settled himself deeper into the bed, closer to the dark-haired man. Merlin then buried his face in the crook of Arthur’s neck and they promptly fell asleep.
Merlin moved slightly and felt a deep acute pain radiate from his arse. Yeah, it definitely happened, he thought.
Arthur. His frown deepened and he sat up straight, his eyes closed to block out as much sunlight as possible. He looked around his room where clothes lay strewn on the floor. His clothes and no one else’s.
He huffed and fell back down on his bed, one arm covering his eyes as he willed himself to die then and there.
|►| {December 24, 2010}
Gwaine dragged Merlin back inside after complaining of freezing to death. Merlin resolved that as long as he avoided Arthur he ought to be fine. That meant he was going to stick to Gwaine at all costs.
He walked behind Gwaine and saw Arthur find him once they got back inside. He had a look on his face that Merlin couldn’t quite determine. Their eyes briefly met, but he broke it just as soon as it happened.
No matter how much he tried to avoid Arthur physically, his gaze seemed to always fall back on the other man.
“You’re staring, mate.”
“Huh?” Merlin jumped and looked away.
“You know, for someone who is trying to avoid that bloke, you sure do stare at him a lot.”
“Shut up, Gwaine.”
“I’m just saying,” he said with a shrug. “Now come on. I need another drink.”
He grudgingly followed Gwaine towards the kitchen, wary since he had seen Arthur hanging around there a few minutes earlier. He looked around once, and then twice, looking for a mass of perfectly messed up blond hair, but he didn't see him in the room so he relaxed a bit.
Gwen, Lancelot, Leon, Morgana and Percy were all gathered in the small kitchen. As they approached, Gwen and Morgana’s giggling became louder, and Leon’s grin wider.
Merlin and Gwaine stopped side by side in front of the kitchen door, eliciting an even louder reaction from their friends. Morgana clutched her stomach in fits of laughter, and Leon jumped down from the counter he was sitting on and blocked Merlin and Gwaine’s way, stopping them from further entering the kitchen.
Merlin only raised his eyebrows.
Leon had a predatory smile on his face as he pointed up.
Merlin and Gwaine simultaneously followed Leon’s fingers. Upon realisation, Gwaine’s face broke out in a devious wide grin. Merlin’s face went considerably pale.
Oh God, not again, he thought.
He glared daggers at Gwen and Morgana because he knew the two harpies were behind this, just as much as they were the last time. They only laughed louder in response.
“Come on, Merlin,” Gwaine said to him. Merlin turned his glare at him.
“I hope you guys die a long painful death,” Merlin announced before grabbing Gwaine by the collar of his shirt and pulling him so their lips met. Gwaine shot his tongue out and licked at Merlin’s lips. Merlin opened his mouth slightly in response. Gwaine groaned into the kiss and grabbed Merlin’s arse with his free hand while Merlin placed his palms against Gwaine’s chest, grabbing a fistful of his shirt, before letting it go again.
Their friends laughed and cheered, and Percy, in particular, shouted something along the lines of ‘Get in there!’
Merlin chuckled and gently pushed Gwaine away from him to break the kiss. He hunched down slightly and rested his forehead against Gwaine’s shoulder for a moment, laughing at his recklessness. Gwaine had a brilliant smile on his face. He swung his head towards the direction of their audience, his hair whipping gloriously after him, and stuck out his tongue triumphantly.
Merlin held his head up again and turned the opposite direction, still a huge smile on his face. And there, standing still with a tight grip on the beer bottle he had in his hands, was Arthur. His face was stony and his stance was rigid. Merlin’s face fell. He pushed himself further away from Gwaine so that they were not touching anymore. He didn’t know why, but guilt suddenly washed over him. He wanted to say something, to apologise, but for what?
Arthur put down the bottle on the nearest flat surface he could find, turned, and quietly stalked away from the room.
Merlin didn’t know what came over him. Or why he felt the need to do it in the first place. But as soon as he realised that Arthur was leaving, he ran after him.
He only barely registered his friends shouting after him.
Arthur was already out the door when Merlin reacted, so he had to literally run just to catch up with the other man. Instead of going for the lift, Arthur raced towards the staircase and Merlin cursed a total of three different gods in the process of following him.
Once he opened to door to the stairs, he realised that Arthur hadn't made his way down. Rather, he'd ran up the flights and gone up to the rooftop.
“Arthur!” Merlin shouted to no avail. He sprinted up the stairs, two steps at a time. When he got to the last landing of the floor above them, he was already out of breath. He looked up and saw Arthur was still going, slower now, but still at a steady pace. He stopped to catch his breath, bending over slightly as he panted, his hands gripping the railings for support.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Arthur. Will you stop running away?”
The bang of the rooftop door was the only response he got.
It was one of those rare moments when Merlin berated himself for skipping out on P.E. for the library in secondary school. His heart pounded erratically against his chest and he felt his face flushing. But he continued his way up to the roof slowly.
He opened the door and a sudden surge of wind rushed past him. It almost knocked him back down. He shivered at the sudden cold and, for the second time that night, he wished he had actually grabbed his anorak before running.
He braved the cold and stepped outside. Snow covered every surface and he briefly thought that this was rather a moronic idea before he held his arms tight around his chest and looked around for Arthur.
He quickly found him sitting on the ledge of the building, his feet dangling dangerously over the edge.
Merlin sighed.
“Listen, if you are thinking of topping yourself over, I suggest you do it in another building. I quite like our flat and I don’t want to be driven away from it just because you thought it wise to jump off of our building.” Merlin was going for casual, light-hearted, but it came out more serious and nervous than planned. It was not one of his finest moments.
Arthur stayed silent, unmoving.
“I don’t even know why you ran. And it is obviously daft of me to actually run after you in this cold. So the least you could do is stop ignoring me!”
Arthur scoffed.
“What?” Merlin asked, irritation suddenly building up inside him.
“I’m not the one who was ignoring the other tonight.”
“Wha--? Huh?”
Arthur turned his head towards him, looked him up and down, rolled his eyes in a ‘you’re an idiot’ kind of way, and turned back to looking out to the city again.
“You ran away when you first saw me tonight. You avoided me like the plague the whole time. And then… and then…” Arthur stopped.
“And then what?” Merlin coaxed.
“I don’t know,” Arthur whispered.
“I don’t know what? You better start bloody making sense, Arthur, or I swear to God I will push you off of this building myself.”
Arthur haughtily swung his legs back inside the rooftop and stood up. He glared at Merlin while walking towards him, then past him, and started making his way towards the door.
Merlin seethed with anger. It only took a few strides before he was right behind Arthur and sharply tugged at his wrist to stop him.
“You are not running away from me again,” Merlin said. His voice quivered. Either from the recently dug pain he buried almost a year ago, or because of the cold. It wasn’t important at that moment.
Arthur stared him in the eye, hard and unrelenting. Then Merlin saw the walls that the other man built up shatter. He saw his reserves leave. There was Arthur Pendragon in front of him, raw and unguarded for probably the first time in a very long time.
“I don’t know why I ran. I don’t know why I felt like I was stabbed a million times in the chest when I saw you kiss your boyfriend. I have no right whatsoever to feel that way. I don’t know why I felt my heart soar out of my chest when I first saw you tonight. And then promptly break when it became obvious that you cannot stand to be near me. I just… I just don’t know, okay?”
“What the actual fuck?” Merlin commented slowly. He was in total shock. He wasn’t expecting that at all.
Arthur pulled his arm away from Merlin’s grip and turned away again.
“You are not leaving before you hear me out,” Merlin said to him in a low dangerous voice. He stopped in his tracks. He did not turn, but he did not leave either. Merlin thought that was good enough.
“Listen here, you prat. I pined after you for years. Years, okay? And then last year…” Merlin’s voice broke. His throat hurt at all the emotions running through his body. “Last year you left me after one of the most wonderful nights I’ve ever had. You left me, Arthur. Not the other way around. So yeah, fuck you. And, yes, you don’t have any right to feel jealous because you could have had me. You could have had me but you left instead.”
“I was scared!” Arthur shouted back at him, turning to face Merlin again. He looked totally wrecked, suppressed emotions hidden for a year surfacing up, and it all showed in his face. He was already shaking, from anger, from the cold, possibly from both. “I was so fucking scared when you said ‘I love you’ and it was totally fine for me. That I didn’t mind it. I even entertained the idea of us being together. That we could actually work out. That I might actually love you back. And that was the scariest thing of all. I haven’t stopped thinking about you, wanting you.”
Merlin was shell-shocked. He stood there for what felt like forever.
“You could have come back. I would have taken you back,” Merlin said in barely a whisper.
“I didn’t know that. And I was proud. I was so fucking proud.” The frustration and regret were palpable in Arthur’s every word.
“So you just gave up?” Merlin looked at Arthur, nearing exasperation himself. He searched his face for answers he knew the other would not give him out loud. And maybe it was the absolute look of surrender in his face, or the way his eyes were already faintly watery, or maybe the slump of his shoulders in exhaustion, but Merlin closed the distance between them, his cold hands cupping Arthur’s face. Arthur shuddered at the contact.
For Arthur’s part, he did look surprised at the sudden change of mood, and was also cautiously optimistic. He stared right back at Merlin, asking for permission for something they both know they want, been wanting, had always wanted.
“Make a move, you prat, or I really will top you over,” Merlin told him, his lips already forming a brilliant smile. Arthur gave a small laugh before finally capturing Merlin’s lips to his.
They stayed like that for a while, their tongues moving gracefully with each other. Tasting and remembering and memorising the other’s flavour. Then Merlin broke the kiss, briefly and grudgingly. He looked up at Arthur and said, “By the way, Gwaine is not my boyfriend.”
Arthur chuckled. But Merlin felt the relief in Arthur, his posture relaxed considerably, but his grip on him tightened.
“Good, cos you’d have been a lousy boyfriend after snogging me. Also, one less person to get rid of,” Arthur replied mischievously.
Merlin only smirked and kissed Arthur again.
-
It had started snowing again, and they only realised it when Merlin gave a violent shiver against Arthur. They unwillingly pulled apart and Merlin bent his head backwards with his eyes closed, a smile gracing his features. He held on tightly to Arthur as he quietly enjoyed the ghosting feel of snowflakes falling on his face.
“Let’s go back inside before you catch a cold, yeah?” Arthur told him softly. Merlin opened his eyes and smiled at the man in front of him. He gave him a quick peck on the lips before pulling him back inside the building and back to his flat.
fin.
+ comments are love :)