Personal Ad

[stormdog]

With a little bit of advice and feedback, I have a personal ad written up. Rather than just looking at the free and electronics sections of Craigslist, I opened up the personals section as I thought about posting it. The nature of most of what is there makes me uncomfortable, making me shy away from the thought of putting something out there myself

Comments

[anais_pf]

My reactions:

This sounds to me like a pretty good description of you and who you might be looking for. So, good job on the writing. Also, I am even more sure that A and I would totally enjoy being in-person friends with you!

But ...

Craigslist! *shudder*

People might not be so comfortable coming to your place initially. (I don't think I would feel safe going to a stranger's house in response to a personal ad.) Maybe you could invite them to bring someone along, too, which might make them feel more comfortable, even if they don't bring someone. But I also worry that inviting strangers to your place might be risky, even with your partner there. There is a reason why most initial meetings take place at Starbucks (or somewhere similar).

Doesn't Craigslist kind of force you to classify your ad as either "men for men" or "men for women"? I'd be interested to know how you will resolve that issue.

[resonant]

I met my fiancee on Craigslist, so good luck!

But I agree, definitely meet in a public place rather than at home.

Plus omit the first five paragraphs from the ad, and save them for conversation on the first date.

[stormdog]

Thanks, and I appreciate the thoughts!

Meeting in public is difficult because I feel uncomfortable being on my own and it seems really awkward to bring my partner with, as if we're trying to date as a couple or something. I'm not sure what the best way to do it is, but I understand that some people may not want to respond because of that, and I accept that. Maybe I'll try something different and by myself if I start feeling safe enough to do so. Maybe therapy will help with that.

On removing the stuff about me; why do you think that would be better? It's a lot of stuff that I'm shy, nervous, or embarrassed to talk about with someone I don't know well. I also feel like it's important to explain why I feel unsafe if I'm not meeting in the kind of controlled circumstances I describe.

[resonant]

With respect to removing stuff and saving it for when you meet - it's an ad. State what you want and what you have to offer. Think of it as a resume - you list your skills and qualifications, but you don't go into detail about how you would solve a particular problem. That comes later, during the job interview.

Plus, you do need something to talk about during the first date. If they know everything about you, they can't ask questions, and you have nothing much to talk to them about at first.