And she's like, yeah wevah, and he's like listen bitch, and she's all did you just call me a bitch? did you just call me a bitch? oh my god you're not biting me that's well gay
and vicki's all yeh but no but yeh but no you can't listen to edward cos carly finlan's brother saw him finger janine round the back of the ice rink and everyone knows she only dun it with a vampire becos she wants er tongue pierced and anyway don't listen to siobhan cos everyone knows she thinks immortal's just a song by that goth group when actually me and edward are soooo lush but anyway you can't trust her because she says jacob paid me two doughnuts and a rizla to give him a happy ending in the skip at morrisons but actually he never becos i dun it for free.
He would have diamonds encrusted in his SKIN for the BLING, YES YES.
"Biting ain't gay, it's sexual, woman, get on it" *points at his cock* "You are WELL GAY, trying to lez me up and give me the evils! I know this because I was juking at Li'l Cesars and we was going a tit when that skag Rachel came up and spit in me mouf and I gave her a titty twister, didn't I, and then them Persian mafia wannabes gave me a fiver for my baby and I didn't have to do nuffink but give them all blowies behind the liquor store and I get me 40 ounces for free now."
OH MY GOD I love this shit. (Did you know I wrote Lauren-Vicky fic a few years back?)
I'm laughing so hard at "me and edward are sooo lush" LOL! Bella with a Croydon Facelift, PERFECT!
Have you seen Gavin & Stacey at all over there?? You would really go for it, it's essentially sweet/life-affirming but some of the humour is also very sick/dark. It's Matt Horne (of Catherine Tate fame), James Corden, Ruth Jones (guarantee you would love this woman), Alison Steadman, Joanna Page and ROB BRYDON. Um, it's quite Welsh (thought of it b/c they say 'lush' all the time
( ... )
SHUTUP! I can't believe you just said that! I ain't done nuffin' or sumfin' and anyway I wasnever nowhere near tha' ded bloke. And don't listen to that twi-twat cuz everyone knows her fanny goes sideways.
IMAGINE CATHERINE TATE'S LAUREN AS BELLA
TELL ME IT DOESN'T IMPROVE YOUR DAY LIFE
Reply
IT IS TOO PERFECT OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD!
Da Ali G is all "Naw, I'm perfect, wot? Look at me shimmer! That is well fit." And Lauren would go, "I ain't bovvered."
AND THEN VICKY COMES IN AND IS ALL "Yar but, no, but, yar, but, no, but, 'im's WELL FIT!"
Reply
And she's like, yeah wevah, and he's like listen bitch, and she's all did you just call me a bitch? did you just call me a bitch? oh my god you're not biting me that's well gay
and vicki's all yeh but no but yeh but no you can't listen to edward cos carly finlan's brother saw him finger janine round the back of the ice rink and everyone knows she only dun it with a vampire becos she wants er tongue pierced and anyway don't listen to siobhan cos everyone knows she thinks immortal's just a song by that goth group when actually me and edward are soooo lush but anyway you can't trust her because she says jacob paid me two doughnuts and a rizla to give him a happy ending in the skip at morrisons but actually he never becos i dun it for free.
Reply
"Biting ain't gay, it's sexual, woman, get on it" *points at his cock*
"You are WELL GAY, trying to lez me up and give me the evils! I know this because I was juking at Li'l Cesars and we was going a tit when that skag Rachel came up and spit in me mouf and I gave her a titty twister, didn't I, and then them Persian mafia wannabes gave me a fiver for my baby and I didn't have to do nuffink but give them all blowies behind the liquor store and I get me 40 ounces for free now."
OH MY GOD I love this shit. (Did you know I wrote Lauren-Vicky fic a few years back?)
I'm laughing so hard at "me and edward are sooo lush" LOL! Bella with a Croydon Facelift, PERFECT!
Reply
Reply
Reply
Oh my god, I am lol'ing so hard and I can HEAR THIS in my head because it's so perfect.
EARLY LEARNING CENTER! I'm not even going to compete/keep up with this, because it is too brilliant, you Oxford-educated beauty, you.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment