[Fic] Sin with a Grin - Chapter 9/18
Title: Sin with a Grin
Author: Stolen Childe
Disclaimer: Supernatural and all associated characters belong to Kripke and Co. I make absolutely no claims on any of them.
Special Thanks to dapperscript for the wonderful beta! Thank you!
Please see Master Post for Notes, Cover Art and Further Information
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Castiel awoke to the rhythmic beeping of an EKG and the irritating pull and itch of medical tape on his skin. He felt the slight twinge of a needle as a tube filling him with IV fluid twisted and bent with a brief, convulsive flex of his hand. The occasional mumbled scratchy voice over a PA system hit him next, and above all, overpowering every other realization, was the sterile sickening smell of hospital room and flowers… Orchids if he wasn’t mistaken.
He groaned as the combined smells made his stomach roll and opened his eyes, wincing when he felt medical tape and gauze pull at his forehead. Movement next to him, the rustle of cloth, soft-soled shoes and a voice calling, ‘He’s waking up.’ Not Dean’s voice… Balthazar? Tailored black blazer fitting close over trim shoulders, blond short-cropped hair, a long neck, and the distinctness of a British Accent proved that it was indeed Balthazar. Then his world was a bustle of teal, blue, and patterned pink as he was surrounded by various medical personnel. He was poked and prodded. Light flashed blinding in his eyes. Voices asked him questions he answered automatically, even if his throat was raw and scratchy… He was offered water from a straw, and encouraged to drink it, the liquid burning his dry throat once before soothing after. More hustle and bustle and then Castiel could breathe.
“Doesn’t appear to be any permanent damage… Vitals good, response…” Castiel let the medical jabber drift away from him as he focused on the distinct lack of a very important person in his room. Dean? Maybe if he just closed his eyes for a moment…
When Castiel awoke the second time it was more gradual, and if not necessarily more pleasant, it was certainly not as jarring. The sickening smell from earlier was present only faintly now, but it was enough for his stomach to still lurch slightly in protest. But what was undeniably much more pleasant was a hand nestled lightly over his own, contours warm and infinitely familiar.
“Dean…” Castiel breathed out.
“Oh Cas, thank God!” Dean gasped, looming over him. The room was darker now and the noises of the hospital a dull thrum - not the franticness of earlier. “Cas… I’m so, so sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up… They…” Dean swallowed then hushed his tone. “They wouldn’t let me in, said I wasn’t considered family.”
Well, Castiel was aware enough to hear what he thought was pretty well the most ridiculous thing he had heard… If the man you lived with for the last three years, made love with on a mostly regular basis, shared your bed and life with was not considered family, then Castiel really wasn’t sure what could be considered family. But then, of course, all that was meaningless without a ring, wasn’t it?
“Dean, I’m sorry,” Castiel muttered, remembering his talk with Jessica what seemed like centuries ago to his addled mind.
“Shut up, Cas,” Dean chastised gently, having no desire to hear apologies that were pointless, with no cause attached. “It isn’t your fault.”
“Head hurts,” Castiel pouted in response, which earned him a gently endeared grin from the green-eyed man at his bedside.
“All right, all right… Valid point, I’ll get mad at you later. Deal?”
“Nuh uh,” Castiel murmured. “Kiss, maybe?”
Dean chuckled. “Okay, that I can do. I suppose you getting blown up is punishment enough, huh?” Dean leaned down and the kiss was light and chaste, which Castiel didn’t blame the younger man for because his mouth tasted like ass to him, so to another person it would probably taste beyond foul.
“I got rid of those flowers… I know how you can’t stand the smell mixed with hospital… I’m not sure if anyone really can… They’re still investigating what happened, but we’re pretty much all sure it was either a trap, or someone on the opposite side caught wind of Ruby spilling the beans… Sam’s happy to not have to be on desk duty alone for the next several weeks…” Dean grinned. “Sorry ‘bout that, by the way. Just try not to kill each other, all right?”
“Rachel?” Castiel asked, tiredly cutting in when he could. “Is she all right?”
Dean swallowed and flicked his gaze away. Castiel struggled to get closer, to latch on to Dean and twist him around, but the drugs he had in his system were the good ones and his body had the mobility of a beached whale at the moment, so his fingers fluttered useless inches off the bed.
Dean shook his head, opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. Eventually Dean said, “Cas… It wasn’t your fault.”
Castiel shut his eyes and didn’t even have the strength to stem the sudden burn of tears in his current state. They flooded out despite himself; a beginning like that could not bode well. “What happened?”
“It was just how you two fell… Sam told me the ME figured she had cracked her ribs in the initial blast when she was trying to escape, and when you went to shield her from the second blast, the concussion of it - and how you two were forced to land - um… split them… It was a freak incident just at the right angle to… Cas… it wasn’t your fault, okay? You guys just landed funny, you didn’t have enough time, and her rib pierced her heart. She died in seconds.”
Castiel nodded but didn’t say anything. The tears leaked out faster and made the pillow warm, damp, and uncomfortable at his cheek. Dean reached around. Castiel struggled weakly against the tenderness in the touch that he felt he didn’t deserve. Dean easily overpowered him and forced Castiel’s face around.
“Castiel, you open your eyes and look at me right now,” Dean commanded, low and deep and rough in that way he had that made everyone hear it sit up and listen. It was a tone that Dean had inherited from his father, and Castiel was helpless in the face of it, just as everyone else. Hazy blue eyes flickered open and laser green pierced down into them.
“Castiel, if you hadn’t tried, if you just let her go on her own, it would have killed her anyway, you hear me? She would be dead anyway… But you tried, you tried to help to stop it, you took most of the blast… It was just an accident. You go blaming yourself for all the horrible freak accidents in the world and you’ll never see light again. All right?”
“Dean…” Castiel whispered. “Dean, it could have been Sam.”
Castiel saw Dean’s jaw clench and release.
“A sweet, innocent girl is dead, Dean, but it could have been Sam. I almost killed Sam.”
“Castiel! Stop it, you haven’t killed anyone!” Dean growled.
Castiel just gave Dean a steady look at that one, because Castiel knew precisely how many men and women he had killed. He kept track of every one, the time and date and name if he could get it. A description he would settle for if he could not. Woman in pink dress with basket, January 8th 2002 at 9:06 am. Man with AK-47 and torn trousers, May 6th 2005 at 6:01 pm. Allen T. Everett, August 17th 2010 at 11:54 pm… On and on it went, and now Special Agent Rachel White, October 28th, 2011 at 10:32 am.
“Castiel, it was all in the line of duty. It wasn’t on purpose, it wasn’t malicious. It was you doing your job. You following orders, and yes, innocent people get hurt too, and it’s awful and horrible, but you never, ever set out to kill anyone and you did not kill Rachel, and you most certainly did not nearly kill Sam. So stop it right now, or I put you right back under, you hear me?” Dean glowered down at the guilt-ridden man in the hospital bed.
“Dean,” Castiel whispered. “Thank you for putting up with me.”
“Cas, you idiot,” Dean replied fondly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Sleep, Babe.”
And Castiel did.
xx
Against all medical advice, Castiel checked himself out of the hospital even though he was not due for release for several more days. Balthazar was handed a list of medications and the times necessary to take them. He was also handed instructions on how to change Castiel’s bandages and how to make sure the few deeper cuts healed properly.
The worst one was on his head - which had required four stitches - and, of course, his broken collar bone. Castiel had been lucky that it fractured cleanly and no surgery would be required, though it hurting every time he even twitched his arm was a pain in the ass, and the sling felt awkward and constricting. He had the usual instruction for broken bones, keep the area elevated, don’t lie on it… so on and so on. Castiel declined to inform the pretty, perky nurse that he had broken bones a grand total of fifteen times and that this was nothing new.
The nurse gave one more strict warning that Castiel was leaving against his doctor’s advice, and then he was free to go. Castiel was dumped unceremoniously into a wheel chair that was pushed by a male orderly, with Balthazar walking beside him and going over the medical bill again.
“Balth, you don’t have to pay… the Bureau does offer health insurance, you know,” Castiel said, embarrassed.
“I hardly doubt they’re going to cover the cost of your private room and designer drugs, Cassy,” Balthazar remarked.
“I didn’t need those, though. Generic is fine, and I’m sure my roommate would have been lovely,” Castiel sighed.
Balthazar snorted in response to that and merely tucked the medical bill away.
The orderly pushed Castiel right up to the curb and then figuratively washed his hands of the injured FBI agent. With a curt, ‘have a nice day,’ the orderly turned and rolled the chair back into the building.
“I’m the older brother, Balthazar. I’m supposed to take care of you, not the other way around,” Castiel huffed.
“Well, lucky I’m not taking care of you, then. Now that the legalities are out of the way, I’m putting your bitchy arse in the far more capable hands of your boy-toy,” Balthazar grinned.
It was policy that a direct family member had to take responsibility for any patient that chose to discharge themselves early. As Dean currently had no legal grounds, Castiel was unable to use him as next-of-kin on his medical forms, even if he could be used as emergency contact. Balthazar had been more than willing to jump the hoops with Castiel, though, and even more willing to pass the buck as soon as he was able.
An anxious Dean pulled the Impala up to the curb where Castiel had been dropped like a hot potato by the orderly. Dean clambered out and fell into full mother-hen hovering mode. Castiel groaned.
“Balth, I changed my mind, I wanna go home with you,” Castiel said to his little brother.
The British man chortled. “Oh, Cassy! Such a joker! Now, be a good little invalid and go to your boyfriend.”
“I’m not an invalid,” Castiel snapped.
“Here, sign your name.” Balthazar moved to hand Castiel a piece of paper and a pen, which Castiel reached for automatically and gasped as searing pain rocketed through his clavicle.
“Ass,” Castiel gasped.
“Prat. Now shoo, I’ve seen quite enough of you lately and I really need some me time.” Balthazar turned to the green-eyed man and handed over the packet of papers. “Dean, here’s the schedule for his meds, and instructions to change the dressing on his wounds. Good luck, Mate, I know you’re gonna need it with this one. Castiel is the worst patient this side of the Atlantic.”
Dean grinned. “I know. Thanks, Balth, for doing all this for us.”
“Hey, don’t you worry that pretty little head of yours. Castiel is one of my favourite people, and most certainly my favourite brother. He may be a giant git, but I love him… Just, ah… remember what we discussed?” Balthazar sent him a meaningful stare.
Castiel shot both men a puzzled glance.
Dean flushed faintly. “Yeah, I got it.”
“Excellent,” Balthazar grinned. “Take care, Cassy. Pop one of those Oxys for me. Charming doctor you have to give you the good stuff.”
Castiel rolled his eyes. “Good-bye, Balthazar.”
The blond man huffed as he wandered away. “No gratitude, absolutely no bloody gratitude.”
“You’re a stupid ass!” Castiel called to his back.
“Fucking prat!” Balthazar called without turning, throwing the two-fingered English birdie over his shoulder.
“So cute how you say, ‘I love you’,” Dean teased.
“You’re the same with Sam,” Castiel smiled gently.
“Yeah, well, what can you say? It’s our prerogative as big brothers,” Dean grinned.
xx
Castiel groaned and wished fervently that he hadn’t been selfish enough to insist last week, that Dean take a week between ending his position at the public school and beginning his position at the academy. Castiel had insisted that a transition period before jumping in with both feet would allow Dean to gain perspective, rather than automatically comparing Dean’s Threes to the new group he’d be responsible for. Even though Castiel really just wanted an opportunity to spend some much-wanted alone time with his boyfriend before Dean would get wrapped up in his job. Again, selfish. Regardless of the reasons, though, the argument swayed Dean- eventually. Dean hated being away from the kids during the school year, but ultimately he conceded to Castiel’s point. Of course, that was before Castiel had gotten himself blown up, and was subjected to Dean’s hovering for the last two days… Good lord. It was only Tuesday.
“Dean,” Castiel said, very quietly. Dean paused in fluffing Castiel’s pillow and adjusting his-wholly unnecessary- blanket.
“Do you need something, Cas?” Dean was quick to ask, already moving away as if getting a head start on whatever destination Castiel requested.
Castiel closed his eyes and counted to ten. “Dean…”
“Just tell me, whatever you need,” Dean prompted again, fidgeting nervously.
“Dean!” Still quiet, but more insistent, and Dean finally seemed to pick up on Castiel’s tone.
Dean froze instantly and snapped his mouth shut.
“Dean, love, sweetheart, light of my life,” Castiel’s voice was positively saccharine.
Dean expression fluctuated from being concerned, to confused, to angry, to mystified, to concerned again, and then to just plain puzzled.
Castiel fought the twitch of a smile that threatened as Dean rolled through each phase.
“Dean, darling, I love and adore you, and yes, occasionally I do think that rainbows shine out of your ass. But please, for the love of all that is sweet and holy, get the hell out and leave me alone before I murder you in your sleep. And trust me, Love, I could get away with it,” the words were harsh, but the tone was matter-of-fact, which the older man prided himself in, as his frustration had gradually been mounting for the last four days. He was never good with people coddling him and Dean was a World Record holder in coddling, even if he would never admit it on pain of death.
Dean blushed faintly, then shook his head. “You’re such a dick sometimes, but okay, maybe I’ve been overdoing it a little.”
That statement earned Dean a pointed eyebrow quirk from Castiel.
“Okay, so more than a little. Give me a minute to make some calls and see who can entertain me and then I’ll let you be. But I’m only going to be gone a few hours. Clear?”
“Clear,” Castiel nodded enthusiastically, “and thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“Yeah, whatever,” Dean stuck his tongue out at Castiel, and Castiel just grinned.
xx
“So he kicked you out,” Sam repeated.
Dean was sitting at a tall round table at a local bar with his brother, Balthazar, and Gabriel.
“No, he just wanted some time for himself for awhile. I mean, we have been around each other constantly. He’s not used to it,” Dean said defensively.
“Man, he kicked you out,” Gabriel grinned.
“I have to agree with Hubby on this one, Deano. Cassy very much kicked your heavenly arse to the path, as it were,” Balthazar nodded sagely.
Dean twisted his water glass around the table before rolling his eyes and conceding. “All right, maybe he did… But he was… well not polite about it, but he wasn’t mean about it.”
“Which means he was a snarky little bastard,” Balthazar translated.
Dean grinned. “Though he did finally admit that he thinks rainbows shine out of my ass.”
Balthazar broke into uproarious laughter at that one and was joined by Sam and Gabriel, who were more reserved about it.
Their waitress sidled over then and fluttered her heavily made-up eyes at Dean. “Want anything else there, Sweetie-Pie? Something a little stronger than water, maybe?”
“Coke, please,” Dean smiled winningly.
Their waitress looked confused, but shrugged and wandered away.
“No, it’s all right, I don’t want another beer, thanks,” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Dean, what is it with you and women? When you’re around, none of us exist.”
Dean shrugged. “I dunno. It’s not like I try. It’s not as bad as it is with Cas, though, women gravitate towards him as if he’s a pair of Jimmy Choos.”
Gabriel snorted. “You’re so gay.”
Dean stuck his tongue out at the smaller man. “Look who’s talking, Mariah.”
“Please, I’m Cher, hands down.”
“How do you even know that shoe thing?” Sam blinked.
“Remember Bianca?” Dean flashed a grin.
“Ah,” Sam nodded.
“Bianca?” Balthazar blinked.
“Yeah, some society chick Dean dated at MIT. She was his Sugar-Mama for, what was it, a month? Before they split,” Sam explained.
“Three weeks,” Dean corrected mildly. “She used to drag me shopping with her everywhere. We flew out to New York a few times. Great lay, despite the annoying habit of trying to turn me metro-sexual.”
“So you decided to just go homo instead?” Gabriel teased.
“Bi all the way, baby… Though I’m a one-guy… ah… guy now,” Dean puzzled for a moment over his own sentence, then shrugged it off. It worked.
“Wait… you flew from Boston to New York? That’s only, what, a five-hour drive?” Balthazar frowned.
“Four, and look who’s talking… You have a private jet… you fly places all the time.”
“I don’t fly what would only be a four-hour drive,” Balthazar frowned. “Unless it’s an emergency… Oh well, doesn’t matter. When are you going to ask Cassy to marry you?’
“Wow, you suck with segues,” Sam remarked.
“Subtlety has never been my forte. Now answer, Winchester,” Balthazar demanded.
Dean snorted. “I have to agree there, you’re about as subtle as a fog horn in the Arctic. And I’m gonna ask… I just… don’t know when. I dunno… what if he gets pissed over being the chick?”
Sam, Gabriel, and Balthazar could only give Dean blank stares for that comment.
“Dean,” Gabriel said patronizingly, “you know Cassy better than anyone. Do you really think he’d get offended because you popped the question and not him? It’s not like you guys have an established seme/uke in your relationship.”
“First, how the hell would you know? And second, enough gay Japanese cartoon porn for you,” Dean declared.
“You know what it means, which means you watch it too!” Gabriel crowed.
Dean rolled his eyes.
“Cassy told Anna, Anna told me, and I told Gabriel, that’s how we know,” Balthazar grinned.
Sam groaned. “Why do you guys have to have these conversations when I’m around? I mean… ew… brother-sex.”
“Why would Cas tell Anna, and why on earth would Anna tell you?” Dean blinked.
“Cas has told Anna every one of his dirty little secrets since they were kids, apparently, and Anna would lap it up greedily. You know she’s one of his best friends. Anna told me because she knows I’m a curious little bugger, and that girl can’t keep a secret to save her life.”
“I’m just a little bugger,” Gabriel waggled his brows suggestively. That invoked another series of groans all around.
“Also, Sweet Dean, you have neatly side-stepped my question, which I will never forgive you for. When are you going to ask my little-big-brother to marry you?” Balthazar demanded once again.
“Yeah, Dean, come on, I’ve been hounding you about it for, like, two and half years,” Sam jumped in. “So when is it happening?”
Dean blushed, and was grateful when the waitress brought his Coke. He took a long swallow, then promptly changed the subject when he finished.
“Did you talk to Balth about the house hunt yet, Sam?” Dean grinned.
Sam shot wide, panicked eyes at his brother, and they had a clear how could you, vibe to them.
Balthazar leapt on Sam in the next second.
Sometimes it was good being the big brother.
End Chapter
Arc I - Chapter Eight | Interlude | Master Post | Next