and now, Moist being badass
Written for this thing, and in the grand tradition of filling my own prompts. Technically an expansion on Saving Expertise things, but it should stand alone well enough.
A Murder Would Be Nice, Of Course
This is a stupid idea, and he's never going to get away with it.
Moist can still hardly believe the thought's even crossed his mind, let alone that the pieces have fallen into place so handily. But he's here, at a race track, on a sunny day surrounded by sunny days, minutes away from leaving an otherwise innocuous puddle on the turn in Bad Horse's preferred racing lane.
He has no business thinking he can pull this off, and he's not at all sure he will. But - Doc's going places, like he was always going to. It's not really his fault those places turned into telling the Evil League of Evil to shove it up their asses after they started probing his application.
Moist trusts the scuttlebutt around the Henchmen's Union, especially when it was started by one of the singing cowboys, when it says Bad Horse still doesn't approve. And Moist knows his bylaws; if the League's current leader dies, they drop all applications, in case someone was there just because a previous leader wanted to watch them squirm.
(It wouldn't surprise Moist at all, if that were the case with Doc. Six applications is about three more than most people usually get to submit, from the sound of things.)
Moist doesn't want the position for himself; he already dehydrates on practically a daily basis without that kind of stress in his life. He's just fine being a bit player for the rest of his life. But Doc deserves a clean break - that isn't his neck - And Moist thinks he can deliver, on that front.
He just hopes word doesn't get out, if this works. He also doesn't want that kind of attention.
At least his nerves over how stupid of an idea this is and the fact that he'll never pull it off make leaving the puddle behind incredibly easy. Moist doesn't stick around for the race - he doesn't want to be noticed, especially if it doesn't work. That would just be asking for a Terrible Death Whinny.
He can't believe it, when the evening news mentions Bad Horse's racing accident.
A Murder Would Be Nice, Of Course
This is a stupid idea, and he's never going to get away with it.
Moist can still hardly believe the thought's even crossed his mind, let alone that the pieces have fallen into place so handily. But he's here, at a race track, on a sunny day surrounded by sunny days, minutes away from leaving an otherwise innocuous puddle on the turn in Bad Horse's preferred racing lane.
He has no business thinking he can pull this off, and he's not at all sure he will. But - Doc's going places, like he was always going to. It's not really his fault those places turned into telling the Evil League of Evil to shove it up their asses after they started probing his application.
Moist trusts the scuttlebutt around the Henchmen's Union, especially when it was started by one of the singing cowboys, when it says Bad Horse still doesn't approve. And Moist knows his bylaws; if the League's current leader dies, they drop all applications, in case someone was there just because a previous leader wanted to watch them squirm.
(It wouldn't surprise Moist at all, if that were the case with Doc. Six applications is about three more than most people usually get to submit, from the sound of things.)
Moist doesn't want the position for himself; he already dehydrates on practically a daily basis without that kind of stress in his life. He's just fine being a bit player for the rest of his life. But Doc deserves a clean break - that isn't his neck - And Moist thinks he can deliver, on that front.
He just hopes word doesn't get out, if this works. He also doesn't want that kind of attention.
At least his nerves over how stupid of an idea this is and the fact that he'll never pull it off make leaving the puddle behind incredibly easy. Moist doesn't stick around for the race - he doesn't want to be noticed, especially if it doesn't work. That would just be asking for a Terrible Death Whinny.
He can't believe it, when the evening news mentions Bad Horse's racing accident.