from the depths of last week's Daily Entertainment
Despite the tag, this ficbit has nothing to do with in-game happenings; it's jut because I got the prompt there.
Five Times Moist Really Wished He Hadn't Gotten Something Wet
1. The first and only winter Moist was in New Jersey after the humidifier incident was a special kind of hell. All it took was one kid who'd seen A Christmas Story and wanted to test the flagpole part without risking their own tongue, and the rest was history. Moist could basically count on being stuck to the flagpole at least once a week until March. At least after the third time, he stopped getting in trouble for it; the teachers figured out that he couldn't possibly be a willing participant in the experiments.
Moist's dad had the good sense to get a transfer south, after that school year ended.
2. When Moist was twelve, the FBI took an interest in his dad's... business trips, and the fact that his mother had apparently known about them the whole time. Since both of his parents were in deep, Moist got tossed into the foster care system.
At first, it didn't look too bad. The first family was even talking about keeping him. But then social services did a safety check of some kind, and found mold in his room - that hadn't been there before and probably went away after he left. Either way, social services wouldn't let the family keep him.
He didn't stay with any one family longer than six months, after that.
3. While Moist never expected to have a decent shot at impressing... much of anyone, on the romantic front, it didn't stop him from trying. Only when he thought he might get somewhere on personality, but still, he tried, if it looked like he might be around long enough to make an impression. Social services did at least try to keep him in the same school district for a full year, but they couldn't always.
But anyway, he did take a girl to prom, his junior year. It went okay until she wanted to dance and he ended up soaking her dress in the process. In his defense, she wouldn't take 'I really think this is a bad idea' as an answer.
And she did get over it, but it still kind of ruined the night.
4. Thanks to the government's actions against his parents, Moist had the money to pull off college. What he didn't have was very good luck with computers; more often than not, he ended up frying out the keyboards, if not worse. He'd wanted to try to make his way on school computers because of that, but three keyboards later, he knew that couldn't continue.
On the bright side, he can vouch for Toughbooks; he still has the one he got after deciding he needed something of his own, despite the moisture issues.
5. And then, of course, there were the problems with trying to find post-graduation employment. He knew a factory was right out, since he'd fry or drop the equipment, and food service would be just about as disastrous, especially if someone wanted him anywhere near a fryer.
That left retail and office work, not that he was very suited to either. When you can't count out people's change because all the money's stuck together, or you soak through the paperwork to the point where it's completely illegible, people tend not to like it very much.
That's one of the nice things about the Henchmen's Union, at least. People give him less weird looks than in other places, and all the moisture is, occasionally, something approaching an asset.
Hasn't stopped Doc from trying to figure out what it can do and if there's some way Moist could control it, when he's not completely distracted by some ray gun or other, but that's all right. He's at least found somewhere that he's close to belonging.
Five Times Moist Really Wished He Hadn't Gotten Something Wet
1. The first and only winter Moist was in New Jersey after the humidifier incident was a special kind of hell. All it took was one kid who'd seen A Christmas Story and wanted to test the flagpole part without risking their own tongue, and the rest was history. Moist could basically count on being stuck to the flagpole at least once a week until March. At least after the third time, he stopped getting in trouble for it; the teachers figured out that he couldn't possibly be a willing participant in the experiments.
Moist's dad had the good sense to get a transfer south, after that school year ended.
2. When Moist was twelve, the FBI took an interest in his dad's... business trips, and the fact that his mother had apparently known about them the whole time. Since both of his parents were in deep, Moist got tossed into the foster care system.
At first, it didn't look too bad. The first family was even talking about keeping him. But then social services did a safety check of some kind, and found mold in his room - that hadn't been there before and probably went away after he left. Either way, social services wouldn't let the family keep him.
He didn't stay with any one family longer than six months, after that.
3. While Moist never expected to have a decent shot at impressing... much of anyone, on the romantic front, it didn't stop him from trying. Only when he thought he might get somewhere on personality, but still, he tried, if it looked like he might be around long enough to make an impression. Social services did at least try to keep him in the same school district for a full year, but they couldn't always.
But anyway, he did take a girl to prom, his junior year. It went okay until she wanted to dance and he ended up soaking her dress in the process. In his defense, she wouldn't take 'I really think this is a bad idea' as an answer.
And she did get over it, but it still kind of ruined the night.
4. Thanks to the government's actions against his parents, Moist had the money to pull off college. What he didn't have was very good luck with computers; more often than not, he ended up frying out the keyboards, if not worse. He'd wanted to try to make his way on school computers because of that, but three keyboards later, he knew that couldn't continue.
On the bright side, he can vouch for Toughbooks; he still has the one he got after deciding he needed something of his own, despite the moisture issues.
5. And then, of course, there were the problems with trying to find post-graduation employment. He knew a factory was right out, since he'd fry or drop the equipment, and food service would be just about as disastrous, especially if someone wanted him anywhere near a fryer.
That left retail and office work, not that he was very suited to either. When you can't count out people's change because all the money's stuck together, or you soak through the paperwork to the point where it's completely illegible, people tend not to like it very much.
That's one of the nice things about the Henchmen's Union, at least. People give him less weird looks than in other places, and all the moisture is, occasionally, something approaching an asset.
Hasn't stopped Doc from trying to figure out what it can do and if there's some way Moist could control it, when he's not completely distracted by some ray gun or other, but that's all right. He's at least found somewhere that he's close to belonging.