Always Attract (Chapter 93)
Funerals are never easy. The loss of life is always difficult to bear. The death of a child though, is always unfathomable. You can never utter phrases such as ‘She lived a long, healthy life’ or ‘It was his time’. Children aren’t meant to be buried. It’s just not the natural order of things.
Standing there as the tiny coffin was lowered into the ground were two men, hands held tightly together. Their black suits were pressed and unwrinkled, but both felt as if the weight of the world were on their shoulders. Luke looked over at Reid, who was standing stoically, attempting to be void of any emotion; not letting himself try to feel too much. A familiar pattern for him indeed. Luke though, took on his sorrow and allowed himself to openly grieve for the both of them. His tears glistened as they cascaded down his face while wondering how some people could be so lucky in life and others decidedly….not.
*
Reid continuously pulled at his tie until it was loose enough to where he could yank it off over his head. They were finally home. Reid’s home, although they both knew it was just as much Luke’s. Luke, who now had his own key, couldn’t even remember the last time he had slept at his hotel.
“You’re awfully quiet.” Reid’s voice cracked as he murmured the words.
“I’m not sure what to say,” Luke replied honestly. “I mean….what can you say?”
Reid shrugged. “People die all the time. Even kids sometimes.”
“Don’t Reid. Don’t pass it off like it’s no big deal. I know this is tearing you up on the inside. Don’t keep holding it all in. Please. You didn’t let me do that. You were there while I practically fell apart. I mean Jesus Christ, I almost drank again.”
“But you didn’t.”
“Because I had to be strong. And because you were there for me. And because I love my life in a way that I never did before. You were the one that told me it was okay to fall apart.” He got up and walked over to Reid. Standing in front of him, he cupped his face with his hands. “Let me be here for you too.”
Reid kissed him softly, then nodded. “Okay.”
*
Looking down into the crib, he grabbed the gurgling baby. “Oh my. You’re getting to be such a big boy, aren’t you Prew?”
Prewitt just continued to eat his fist and coo happily at the sight of two of his favorite people.
Luke sat on the floor, with him on his lap. Reid took off his jacket and joined them, brushing Prewitt’s fine, brown hair with his hand, his bright blue eyes following the movement. When Reid pulled his hand back, the baby attempted to blow spit bubbles after it. ‘Charming’ Reid thought wryly.
“Oh!” Luke said excitedly. “We have to show you. Prewitt learned a new trick the other day, didn’t you buddy!?”
“A trick?” he laughed. “Luke, he’s not a dog.”
“I’m well aware, thank you. Do you want to see or not?”
“Sure. Please go forth in thee demonstration.”
“Okay, ready Prew?” he asked before he sat Prewitt down in front of him. Holding the baby steady, he let go while the baby held himself up in a sitting position. Luke clapped excitedly, while Prewitt tried to mimic the action. Luke scooped him up and began to plant kisses all across his face. “Such a big boy!”
Reid smiled fondly and leaned over to press his own kiss to the side of Prewitt’s head, inhaling his natural baby scent as he did so. “Good job little one. Next step crawling.”
“Can you believe how much progress he’s made in the past couple months? Even Miranda has said she’s never seen such a fighter.”
“She said his heart’s doing great. There’s no sign of the tear reappearing. He’ll still have to have regular checkups on it though.”
Luke huffed. “Just add it to the list.”
“Hey guys,” Cindy said walking in to the nursery.
“How are you today Cindy?” Luke asked.
“Very well. I think it’s time for this one’s nap though.”
“Oh,” Luke said nervously. “Of course. Sorry….”
“Don’t apologize. You know how much he loves you both visiting him. Just don’t want to delay his nap is all. I’m sure the night nurses would love it if he wasn’t up their whole shift.” Luke smiled. “There is something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Really?” he looked over to Reid and back to her. “Okay.”
“Why don’t you two follow me out here.” She gestured to the nurse’s area outside the door. She said down at her desk, Luke and Reid following suit on the other side.
She placed her elbows on the table, then thought better of it and laid her hands on the surface instead. “He’s doing remarkably better.”
“He is,” Luke smiled proudly.
“He still has a long way to go though. He just now started to sit up by himself. Developmentally, he’s behind other babies his age. The fact that he’s gotten here is a miracle in itself, but despite how healthy he looks now, there are still an abundant amount of challenges he’ll have to face.”
“I know,” Luke said not understanding where she was going.
“Cindy,” Reid interrupted. “Why don’t you get to the point.”
She sighed. “He doesn’t need to be an inpatient anymore. He’ll need outpatient testing and rehab still but…..his days of being stuck in the hospital 24/7 are numbered.”
“You think he’s strong enough to not need medical care all the time?”
“The doctors think so.”
“Do you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“And Dr. Hargrove?” Reid said.
“She has made it her opinion that his heart doesn’t need to be monitored. He should have no immediate medical problems that would need to be taken care of by being in a hospital.”
“But……”
“They say he should be able to leave within a couple of weeks.”
Luke glanced at Reid, slightly panicking. “But, but he doesn’t have anywhere to go.”
“No,” she concurred, “he doesn’t. Ideally, babies whose parents didn’t want them would be adopted. They have a higher probably of being chosen then older kids…..”
“Chosen,” Luke frowned.
Cindy bit her lip, but continued on. “Babies with special needs can be…..difficult to find parents that want to adopt them. People want healthy babies or kids. Not only has Prewitt had a heart condition that’s already required one surgery, but…..no one will quite know exactly how far he’ll be behind from other children his age. We know physically he’s behind and that will hopefully continue to change, but mentally……realistically there’s a chance that Prewitt will never be……….”
“Stop,” Luke said forcefully. “Just…..stop. I get it. I just want to know what you’re saying is going to happen to him.”
“Well, when he leaves here, he’ll most likely go to a local orphanage or a foster home.”
Luke squeezed Reid’s hand hard, unsure of what to say. Aware of the inner freak out the younger man must have been experiencing, he asked Cindy what the chances were of Prewitt being placed in a good foster home.
“I can’t really say. There are some good foster families around that might be willing to take him in, but Prewitt would be listed as a special needs child. It wouldn’t be easy to find him a good one so quickly. It might take awhile and in that case, he would go to whoever would be willing to take him.”
“You mean, however would be willing to cash a check.”
“Luke.”
“No Reid. They’re just going to pass him off to whoever will take a kid on such short notice. What if they don’t really care what his needs are? What if this sets him back?”
“It’s….a possibility,” Cindy agreed. “In all honesty, I see him going to an orphanage.”
“God,” Luke buried his head in his hands.
Reid gestured to Cindy to give them a moment alone together.
“Luke….you knew he wouldn’t be able to stay here forever.”
“I know….I just….I didn’t really think about what would happen after. I…..Reid……”
He sighed. “Come on.” He pulled Luke up from his chair.
“Where are we going?”
“We’re going to go home, change clothes and crawl into bed to take our own nap.”
“I can’t leave now.”
“Yes. You can. Prewitt’s sleeping. They’re not just going to take him and stick him somewhere tomorrow. You heard her. It’ll be a couple weeks. Plus, you’re completely frazzled. You don’t want him to wake up and see you like this, do you?”
“No,” he conceded.
Reid nodded. “Then let’s go home.”
*
“I’m sorry,” Luke whispered once they were at home and in the comfort of their own bed.
“For what?”
“For freaking out. You buried a patient today and I was supposed to be supporting you and helping you deal with it and now I just feel like I’ve gone back a couple of months and we’re in that 72 hours waiting period wondering if he’s going to make it while I’m in the midst of my meltdown. Meanwhile, you’re the one who has to save me and support me. It’s not fair to you.”
“You weren’t that bad,” he reasoned.
“I was a basket case. Honestly Reid. I know you warned me not to attach myself, but I did and now the thought of him growing up alone in some orphanage where he’s just a number……”
“Hey,” Reid ran his hands through Luke’s hair. “We’ll figure things out. We’ll look into all his possibilities and see what places are around here that could give him a home.”
Luke licked his lips looking as if he wanted to ask something, but brushed it off when he noticed Reid’s questioning eyes.
“We’ll be out of town, the week after next. It’ll have to be before that.”
Reid agreed. “We’ll do some research, hopefully find something. Then you can breathe a little easier in time for Thanksgiving in Oakdale.”
“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”
***Author’s Note****
So in regards to Prewitt because I know some people were torn about whether he should live or not. I made a comment yesterday on LRO that Prewitt was the one thing I never planned for in this story. He was strictly a plot device to give Luke an idea as to what the hospital sometimes deals with. Then with all the ‘Oooooh baby! So cute!’ comments, I thought ‘okay, we can see the baby again’ and then it somehow grew from there. Then I was torn because the ending that I had always planned on never included a baby. I really went back and forth as to whether or not Prewitt should live. I would have loved and I mean LOVED to have written Luke dealing with his grief and instead of running away or pulling apart from each other, him and Reid uniting to get through it together, but frankly that would’ve made this story even longer and GOOD GOD THAT DOES NOT NEED TO HAPPEN! I have a BigBang to write and this story’s been itching to be closed for awhile now, plus I always had another somethingsomething happening at the end which would be enough drama anyway, sooooooo……Prewitt lives! I can still end the story the way I had planned with him being alive, so all is well!
Standing there as the tiny coffin was lowered into the ground were two men, hands held tightly together. Their black suits were pressed and unwrinkled, but both felt as if the weight of the world were on their shoulders. Luke looked over at Reid, who was standing stoically, attempting to be void of any emotion; not letting himself try to feel too much. A familiar pattern for him indeed. Luke though, took on his sorrow and allowed himself to openly grieve for the both of them. His tears glistened as they cascaded down his face while wondering how some people could be so lucky in life and others decidedly….not.
*
Reid continuously pulled at his tie until it was loose enough to where he could yank it off over his head. They were finally home. Reid’s home, although they both knew it was just as much Luke’s. Luke, who now had his own key, couldn’t even remember the last time he had slept at his hotel.
“You’re awfully quiet.” Reid’s voice cracked as he murmured the words.
“I’m not sure what to say,” Luke replied honestly. “I mean….what can you say?”
Reid shrugged. “People die all the time. Even kids sometimes.”
“Don’t Reid. Don’t pass it off like it’s no big deal. I know this is tearing you up on the inside. Don’t keep holding it all in. Please. You didn’t let me do that. You were there while I practically fell apart. I mean Jesus Christ, I almost drank again.”
“But you didn’t.”
“Because I had to be strong. And because you were there for me. And because I love my life in a way that I never did before. You were the one that told me it was okay to fall apart.” He got up and walked over to Reid. Standing in front of him, he cupped his face with his hands. “Let me be here for you too.”
Reid kissed him softly, then nodded. “Okay.”
*
Looking down into the crib, he grabbed the gurgling baby. “Oh my. You’re getting to be such a big boy, aren’t you Prew?”
Prewitt just continued to eat his fist and coo happily at the sight of two of his favorite people.
Luke sat on the floor, with him on his lap. Reid took off his jacket and joined them, brushing Prewitt’s fine, brown hair with his hand, his bright blue eyes following the movement. When Reid pulled his hand back, the baby attempted to blow spit bubbles after it. ‘Charming’ Reid thought wryly.
“Oh!” Luke said excitedly. “We have to show you. Prewitt learned a new trick the other day, didn’t you buddy!?”
“A trick?” he laughed. “Luke, he’s not a dog.”
“I’m well aware, thank you. Do you want to see or not?”
“Sure. Please go forth in thee demonstration.”
“Okay, ready Prew?” he asked before he sat Prewitt down in front of him. Holding the baby steady, he let go while the baby held himself up in a sitting position. Luke clapped excitedly, while Prewitt tried to mimic the action. Luke scooped him up and began to plant kisses all across his face. “Such a big boy!”
Reid smiled fondly and leaned over to press his own kiss to the side of Prewitt’s head, inhaling his natural baby scent as he did so. “Good job little one. Next step crawling.”
“Can you believe how much progress he’s made in the past couple months? Even Miranda has said she’s never seen such a fighter.”
“She said his heart’s doing great. There’s no sign of the tear reappearing. He’ll still have to have regular checkups on it though.”
Luke huffed. “Just add it to the list.”
“Hey guys,” Cindy said walking in to the nursery.
“How are you today Cindy?” Luke asked.
“Very well. I think it’s time for this one’s nap though.”
“Oh,” Luke said nervously. “Of course. Sorry….”
“Don’t apologize. You know how much he loves you both visiting him. Just don’t want to delay his nap is all. I’m sure the night nurses would love it if he wasn’t up their whole shift.” Luke smiled. “There is something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Really?” he looked over to Reid and back to her. “Okay.”
“Why don’t you two follow me out here.” She gestured to the nurse’s area outside the door. She said down at her desk, Luke and Reid following suit on the other side.
She placed her elbows on the table, then thought better of it and laid her hands on the surface instead. “He’s doing remarkably better.”
“He is,” Luke smiled proudly.
“He still has a long way to go though. He just now started to sit up by himself. Developmentally, he’s behind other babies his age. The fact that he’s gotten here is a miracle in itself, but despite how healthy he looks now, there are still an abundant amount of challenges he’ll have to face.”
“I know,” Luke said not understanding where she was going.
“Cindy,” Reid interrupted. “Why don’t you get to the point.”
She sighed. “He doesn’t need to be an inpatient anymore. He’ll need outpatient testing and rehab still but…..his days of being stuck in the hospital 24/7 are numbered.”
“You think he’s strong enough to not need medical care all the time?”
“The doctors think so.”
“Do you?”
“Yes, I do.”
“And Dr. Hargrove?” Reid said.
“She has made it her opinion that his heart doesn’t need to be monitored. He should have no immediate medical problems that would need to be taken care of by being in a hospital.”
“But……”
“They say he should be able to leave within a couple of weeks.”
Luke glanced at Reid, slightly panicking. “But, but he doesn’t have anywhere to go.”
“No,” she concurred, “he doesn’t. Ideally, babies whose parents didn’t want them would be adopted. They have a higher probably of being chosen then older kids…..”
“Chosen,” Luke frowned.
Cindy bit her lip, but continued on. “Babies with special needs can be…..difficult to find parents that want to adopt them. People want healthy babies or kids. Not only has Prewitt had a heart condition that’s already required one surgery, but…..no one will quite know exactly how far he’ll be behind from other children his age. We know physically he’s behind and that will hopefully continue to change, but mentally……realistically there’s a chance that Prewitt will never be……….”
“Stop,” Luke said forcefully. “Just…..stop. I get it. I just want to know what you’re saying is going to happen to him.”
“Well, when he leaves here, he’ll most likely go to a local orphanage or a foster home.”
Luke squeezed Reid’s hand hard, unsure of what to say. Aware of the inner freak out the younger man must have been experiencing, he asked Cindy what the chances were of Prewitt being placed in a good foster home.
“I can’t really say. There are some good foster families around that might be willing to take him in, but Prewitt would be listed as a special needs child. It wouldn’t be easy to find him a good one so quickly. It might take awhile and in that case, he would go to whoever would be willing to take him.”
“You mean, however would be willing to cash a check.”
“Luke.”
“No Reid. They’re just going to pass him off to whoever will take a kid on such short notice. What if they don’t really care what his needs are? What if this sets him back?”
“It’s….a possibility,” Cindy agreed. “In all honesty, I see him going to an orphanage.”
“God,” Luke buried his head in his hands.
Reid gestured to Cindy to give them a moment alone together.
“Luke….you knew he wouldn’t be able to stay here forever.”
“I know….I just….I didn’t really think about what would happen after. I…..Reid……”
He sighed. “Come on.” He pulled Luke up from his chair.
“Where are we going?”
“We’re going to go home, change clothes and crawl into bed to take our own nap.”
“I can’t leave now.”
“Yes. You can. Prewitt’s sleeping. They’re not just going to take him and stick him somewhere tomorrow. You heard her. It’ll be a couple weeks. Plus, you’re completely frazzled. You don’t want him to wake up and see you like this, do you?”
“No,” he conceded.
Reid nodded. “Then let’s go home.”
*
“I’m sorry,” Luke whispered once they were at home and in the comfort of their own bed.
“For what?”
“For freaking out. You buried a patient today and I was supposed to be supporting you and helping you deal with it and now I just feel like I’ve gone back a couple of months and we’re in that 72 hours waiting period wondering if he’s going to make it while I’m in the midst of my meltdown. Meanwhile, you’re the one who has to save me and support me. It’s not fair to you.”
“You weren’t that bad,” he reasoned.
“I was a basket case. Honestly Reid. I know you warned me not to attach myself, but I did and now the thought of him growing up alone in some orphanage where he’s just a number……”
“Hey,” Reid ran his hands through Luke’s hair. “We’ll figure things out. We’ll look into all his possibilities and see what places are around here that could give him a home.”
Luke licked his lips looking as if he wanted to ask something, but brushed it off when he noticed Reid’s questioning eyes.
“We’ll be out of town, the week after next. It’ll have to be before that.”
Reid agreed. “We’ll do some research, hopefully find something. Then you can breathe a little easier in time for Thanksgiving in Oakdale.”
“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”
***Author’s Note****
So in regards to Prewitt because I know some people were torn about whether he should live or not. I made a comment yesterday on LRO that Prewitt was the one thing I never planned for in this story. He was strictly a plot device to give Luke an idea as to what the hospital sometimes deals with. Then with all the ‘Oooooh baby! So cute!’ comments, I thought ‘okay, we can see the baby again’ and then it somehow grew from there. Then I was torn because the ending that I had always planned on never included a baby. I really went back and forth as to whether or not Prewitt should live. I would have loved and I mean LOVED to have written Luke dealing with his grief and instead of running away or pulling apart from each other, him and Reid uniting to get through it together, but frankly that would’ve made this story even longer and GOOD GOD THAT DOES NOT NEED TO HAPPEN! I have a BigBang to write and this story’s been itching to be closed for awhile now, plus I always had another somethingsomething happening at the end which would be enough drama anyway, sooooooo……Prewitt lives! I can still end the story the way I had planned with him being alive, so all is well!