(no subject)
Title: Been Runnin' Too Long
Part One
Jared and Chris had a standing date after that to head to the club and interact with the folks and drink beers and sing ridiculous songs. It was one of the highlights of his week.
After one particularly raucous night, Jared dragged Christian out of the bar and poured them both in a cab. He was happy and pleasant, and he had Christian. His life was looking better.
"I can't believe you got up there singing 'Fat Bottom Girls,'" Jared laughed as they trudged up the walk hanging onto each other for support.
He felt freer than he had in a long time.
"Come on. It's fuckin' Queen, dude. 'Course I'm singin' it."
Jared shook his head and turned to lean on the door, eyes still laughing at Christian.
Christian just stood there looking back at him with that face that made Jared a little crazy. He wasn't drunk enough not to notice that Christian's eyes edged toward black when he'd been drinking. He wasn't drunk enough to miss how Christian was laughing up at him and not pulling away from him when he reached out to touch the ends of Christian's hair. Jared knew he had an opening like never before. Maybe he was too drunk. He was feeling a little poetic.
Jared shook his head and laughed a little at himself. Then, he leaned down and kissed Christian. It was short and not more than just the rub of Jared's mouth over Christian's, but it was enough for now to heat Jared from the inside.
He turned back around on Christian's questioning gaze and tried to unlock the door, dropping the keys in the process and laughing.
It was so good to laugh.
After the second time he dropped the keys, Christian leaned in close, and Jared closed his eyes.
"You suck. Let me do it this time, hoss." But he said it with a smile, so Jared wasn't mad.
They finally tumbled through the door, still laughing and nudging each other with elbows.
Jared was plotting out how to make sure they didn't go to sleep when he heard: "Where the hell have you two been? Not answering cell phones, not home for hours."
It was Jensen.
Jared flipped on a light close to him to see Jen sitting on the couch that he picked out like he fucking belonged there, holding court with Jared's dogs.
He felt Christian tense beside him and that just made him madder. Jensen hadn't been here; he had no idea what they had been up to, what Christian was going through.
"Where the fuck do you get off asking that?" Jared asked low.
He watched Jensen swing his gaze between him and Christian with his brow creased.
Jared was about to lay into Jen about, well hell about everything, when Christian put a hand on his back. Jared's tension melted slightly under Christian's heat.
Christian said amiably, "We were out. When'd you get in, Jennyboy?"
"Few hours ago. Got a call. From Steve. Told me maybe I should pay a visit to my house, put my affairs back in order. Seemed to think something was going on with you two."
Jared recognized Jensen's You don't want to fuck with me and mine Dean voice, but he couldn't tell if it was directed at him or Chris. It didn't matter either way, though, because now Jared was pissed because Jensen said my house.
"Last time I checked I owned this place." Jared had a don't fuck with me voice, too.
"You didn't answer my question."
"Jenny, shut up alright." Jared heard Christian say as he twisted his hand in the back of Jared's shirt. He was trying to reign him in, but Jared was farther gone than all that.
"Are you fucking him?" Jensen questioned Christian. "Haven't even broke up with Steve properly and already shacking up. Should I alert my other friends as well that you might pay them a visit, Kane?"
Jared practically lunged at Jensen, but Chris was there, pulling him back, anchoring him to their side of the room.
Christian looked up at Jared then, all pleading eyes and stubble, and asked tightly, "Give us a minute here, Jay?"
Jared searched Christian's face and found please and I'll be okay on Christian's face and stalked off towards his room.
**
Christian rounded on Jensen then with barely suppressed fury, "You think coming in here with secondhand information and riling up your best friend in his own fucking house is going to earn you any answers, Ackles? You oughta be ashamed of yourself, Jennyboy. Rightly ashamed."
Christian was pleased when Jensen had the good sense to look chagrined.
"Third hand."
"What?" Christian didn't turn back to Jensen as he barked that question at him. He stayed facing toward the hall. Toward Jared.
"My information. It was third hand."
"I should probably punch you, son. I really should."
"Tell me what's going on." Jensen at least tried for gentle there.
Christian didn't know if he was impressed.
"No more conclusion-jumpin'?"
"No more. What's going on with y'all?"
"I knew you were a Texan, Jenny. 'Bout time."
"It was seeing your redneck ass, Kane, what done it."
Christian turned around and started his watered down version of the story.
He left out all the good parts.
**
Jared was laying on his bed with Harley curled up close to his chest when he felt someone crawl onto the bed behind him and wrap around him.
He tried not to be too disappointed when he realized it was Jensen. He just drew his legs up higher so Jensen could get comfortable. Jensen laid his chin on Jared's shoulder and draped an arm over his waist, playing with Harley's tail.
It was a testament to how over Jensen he really was when he breathed deep, smelling only Jensen, and thought about how much he missed the smell of Chris next to him. He hadn't even had Christian next to him enough.
"I'm sorry," Jensen whispered.
"'S okay, Jen."
"It's not. I jumped, pretty much flew, to conclusions."
Jared sighed. He felt old again. All his happiness from earlier gone.
"Just because you don't want me, Jen, doesn't mean no one else can have me."
"I know. It's not fair. I get that, but..."
Jared felt Jensen shake his head.
"I think maybe you should move out." Jared swallowed after he said that. It hurt. It really did.
"I think you're right."
"I mean, if you want to save our friendship at all."
"I do. You are my best friend. I need you."
Jared had waited a year to hear that, and now it didn't mean anything. Now, all he could see when he closed his eyes were blue eyes--deep and dark.
"Chris told me his side of things. Apparently, Steve lied a little. But he's Steve so I expected that."
Jared rocked his head in a semblance of a nod.
"Want to tell me your side of things?"
"Not really, Jen. You aren't exactly objective."
"I'm here for you. I am, Jay."
"Thanks, but I think Christian needs you as a friend more than me."
Jared felt Jensen scoot back off the bed. When he heard Jensen pause in the doorway, he rolled over, told Jensen, "You can leave your stuff here long as you want. I'm not forcing you out, Jensen."
"I know."
Jared closed his eyes and rolled back over.
Jared's side of things?
He was in love with Christian. And he had no idea what to do about it.
**
Back on the couch, Christian thought a little snidely. Not that he minded, really, just that Jensen didn't have to come up in here and disrespect everyone and jump around acting a damn fool, then throw him out of what he considered his room for the last little while.
He couldn't sleep. Nothing new there. He got up and rummaged around in Jensen's bag for the cigarettes he knew he had. Chris was kind of ashamed. He'd been doing good since he'd been at Jared's.
He'd been doing a lot of good with a lot of things.
Chris took his stolen cigarettes and his cell out on the back porch.
What he really wanted to do was go to Jared. He wanted to go and ask him if he was for real with that kiss or if he was drunk. Ask him if he knew how much Jensen was a part of who Jared was fundamentally.
Ask him if he could let that go...
He couldn't ask that of Jared until he asked that of himself. He knew that Steve was a big part of who he was as a person. Steve was sometimes the best part of him. It was about time Chris just manned up and confronted all the shit he'd pushed to the back for so long.
He was tired. It was getting old.
As he dialed Steve, he remembered that he promised Jared he could be here for this, but right now, he just needed to get through it without the distraction Jared caused.
"Chris?"
"Hey." His voice was so low he wondered if he could even be heard.
"Talk to Jensen? Tired of being a hypocrite?"
"Wait now. I called here to just talk. Finally. I don't need no lip from you. I'm not a hypocrite. This isn't about Jared or Jensen or our mutual friends. This is about you and me and how we treated each other."
"Well that was a mouthful."
"Don't be smart, Steve. I ain't up for it. Just want some answered 's all." God, he was so tired.
"Fine. Ask."
Christian settled farther back and propped his feet on the deck. This was gonna hurt.
"Why? Was I just not good enough? Because I want to know. I want you to tell me."
He waited for what seemed like ten minutes before hearing Steve, "Good enough?"
"Yeah. I mean. I didn't figure I was always the most awesome person to be in a relationship with, but I was always real. And always honest. And I thought we got along in everything. Before you say it, I know how you are. I mean, fuck, Steve, I'm like that more times than not myself. But... Why?"
Chris finished on a huff and scrubbed a hand over his face.
"I don't know. I really don't, dude. I mean. It was good. I didn't really want out. Shoulda just said I was bored but..but you know how I am." He could practically hear Steve shrug.
"So I was borin'? That's all?"
"No. You are many things, Christian Kane, but never boring."
"Then why did you find it necessary to cheat on me, man? When I was so certain that everything was cantering along just fine?"
"I guess because it was. I just. Why don't you come home?"
Steve's abrupt subject change caught him off guard. Home? He was beginning to feel like this place was home. He didn't have one with Steve anymore. He wondered now if he ever did.
"You just need somebody, dontcha? Just all the time, need somebody to need you? And that's okay. But."
"But what?"
Chris sighed. He had wanted to be needed for once.
"Can't come back, man. Maybe we can see our way to writin' songs again, but right now? Well right now, I'm over being the one always doling out myself for everyone else to take. I need to be needed, too."
"So that's really it, then? No fighting?"
"I'm too tired for fightin', and 'sides, neither one of us thinks the other is worth fightin' for anymore, anyway."
Christian heard Steve inhale sharply. He wasn't sure what that meant, but he was serious that fighting with him would accomplish nothing. They were too alike and too different all at the same time to make this work any longer.
"Want me to... Want me to box up your stuff?" Steve sounded resigned, but normal. Chris figured they'd be fine eventually.
"You really are like the other half of me with a guitar. You know that, right? But I can't keep up this push'n'pull we got goin'," he practically whispered, hoping Steve would catch it. "And no," he said louder, "I'll come get my stuff. We'll see each other. Soon."
Steve breathed for a few moments before he finally said, "I know." And then he hung up.
Chris lit a cigarette and watched it burn orange in the night. He'd be fine. They'd both be fine. He closed his eyes and realized that he felt it deep inside.
He was gonna be just fine.
**
Jared couldn't sleep. The encounter with Jensen had left him drained on a level he hadn't felt before. He was jittery and so tired he had crossed over that barrier into wide awake.
He rolled over and watched his ceiling fan rotate. And thought about Christian.
Like I ever do anything else.
As he watched the blades turn, he remembered the night pre-Jensen. They had had fun. Christian was laughing, and it was good to see. He was singing again. And God, Jared would never get tired of listening to him. He had a way of just striking right into the soul of someone with one simple word sung low in that voice.
Jared got up and decided he needed peanut butter and banana sandwiches if he was going to keep this up all night.
Christian had kissed him back. Well, he had a little. Jared was sure of it, but damned if he didn't want more. He needed more. He needed to find out what else was there, and if it was one-sided or not, before he went utterly crazy.
As he passed by the back door on the way to the kitchen, he saw the yellow tint of fire and heard the click-snap of a lighter.
Jared found Christian relaxed out on the deck as not asleep as he was.
"Hey." Christian said with a smile in his voice before he even turned to look at him.
"Why are you up?" Jared questioned as he took a seat on the long chair next to him.
Christian held up his cell phone and waggled it back and forth.
"Lied to you, Jay," he said, causing Jared to tense, but he relaxed at Christian's next words. "Had to call Steve. Needed answers."
"Did you get them?" He aimed for casual, but he wasn't sure he made it because he really wanted Christian to get what he needed from Steve so he could move on.
"Yeah. Yeah, I really think I did."
Jared swallowed down all the words he wanted to say.
"Why you up, Jared?" Christian looked down at him then, soft, sleepy expression on his face.
"Goin' to make a sandwich. I'm too tired to sleep, too keyed up to lay there. Thought I'd eat something." He moved his fingers in a semblance of a shrug.
"Always eating, man." But he was laughing when he said it. Jared watched Christian get up and reach for him. "Let's go, then. Feed you."
Jared smiled when Christian threaded his fingers through Jared's after he was standing.
"Were you serious about earlier?" Chris asked a little hesitantly.
"What did I say earlier?" Jared was sort of confused. If it concerned Christian, he was always serious, but he didn't think now was the time for that.
Christian looked down at the stupid pattern on Jared's shirt before he looked back and shook his head.
"Not what you said. What you did. Earlier. Were you serious when..?"
Jared realized what he meant, and he nodded even as he bent closer to Christian.
"I was serious. I am serious. But. I want you to be serious about it." Then, he pulled away and made for the kitchen, but before he got very far, Christian was spinning him back around.
Jared's eyes widened a little in questioning, but Christian just shook his head again and wrapped his arms around Jared's waist.
Jared stiffened, then heard Chris mumble, "I want to be serious. But you gotta wait for me some."
Jared only relaxed after he felt Christian tuck his head closer into his chest. Jared tightened his arms around him and rubbed his nose over Christian's hair. He didn't say he'd wait forever, but he wanted to.
"I'll be here, Christian." I'll be here.
Christian pulled away then and framed Jared's face in hands, kissed him softly. Jared closed his eyes and savored the soft brush of Christian against him. He angled his head some, but let Christian tell him where they were going here with the press of his mouth.
Jared felt Christian step away and followed the movement but made no move to kiss him again.
"I know you will, baby boy. Just. Don't let me keep you waitin' too long, alright?"
"I'll prod you every now and again, then, shall I?" Jared quirked up the left side of his mouth. He felt light and flush and better than he had all day.
"I'll hold you to that. Now c'mon. I'll feed you for a change." He linked his fingers with Jared's again, and Jared couldn't help but run his thumb over Christian's as he let himself be led toward the kitchen.
**
"Okay, seriously what is with you, man?" Christian asked Jensen over sandwiches.
"I don't know what you mean," Jensen answered with a mouthful of turkey club.
"You're cockblocking, Jen. It's been three days, and you're glued to me. What the hell?"
Christian watched Jensen go from confused to a little sheepish. Seriously enough was enough, and Jensen needed to back the hell off. He'd been in between Chris and Jared since he'd woken up three days ago.
"Are you rushing into it? I mean... Chris, you just broke up with Steve. And I know how much Steve means to you. Steve and I were talking about it the other day, and we just were concerned for you. You took off and Steve was crazy and I didn't know anything. And now here you are. With Jared."
Chris sat back and looked at Jensen. "Really, Jen? Thought you were over Big Jay? Thought you'd be happy for me, being one of my best friends and all. Thought maybe getting out of the relationship and trying to salvage some kind of friendship with Steve would be a good thing. That maybe you could see how messed up I really was. We really were. I'm tired of runnin'. And you don't know fuck all about me and Steve. We were over far before I took off."
He pushed his food around as Jensen thought through what he said.
"'Kay, fine. You do what you want to do here, man. But don't come to me later. When you need some other place to stay."
Chris narrowed his eyes across the table at Jensen. "I'm fixin' to ball up on your head like a house cat, boy, if you don't shut up. If you think staying with Jay is a bad idea, then you put me up somewhere."
"I am not paying for you to stay in a hotel."
"You ain't gonna be there. Besides, I think you owe me on account of you being a jackass recently." The more Christian thought about it, the better it sounded. He should move out of Jared's place. Then he could pick him up, and they could go on real dates. He wouldn't be underfoot and overhead constantly, and they could take their sweet time figuring out what the hell they were doing.
"I don't owe you anything."
"I seem to recall you busting in and accusing Jared, hollering at me for moving some of your shit and eating your organic peanut butter. So while you're in Uruguay or where the fuck ever, I'll stay in your hotel. 'S all good."
"I'm not going to Uruguay. And I'm not paying for you." Jensen huffed a little, and Chris laughed at him. He was such a priss sometimes.
"Put me up, Jennyboy, or I'm going to tell Steve you're in love with him, and even Venezuela won't be far enough away." Chris tried really hard not to laugh outright.
"I am not. And I'm not going to a South American country, dammit, you hillbilly freak. Now who is gonna ball up on who?" Jensen was going red in the face. This was getting more and more fun. "And I have a girlfriend, Christian, you know that."
"Who has not been in Argentina with you."
"Where do you want to stay?"
Christian allowed a small smile and said simply, "Your choice."
**
Jared scrambled to answer his phone and get out of the car at the same time. "'Lo?"
"Hey there, you crazy tall motherfucker. How are you doing?"
"Hi Chad," Jared replied automatically.
"So, like, I was walking down the street and thinking Why am I not the goddamn face of Abercrombie and Fitch? I mean, I am king of the tweens. I should be getting endorsement deals or something out of it, right?"
"Well, you aren't on the cover of every new Tiger Beat, so I'm not sure that'll work anymore."
"Fuck Tiger Beat, man. I'm not a Jonas brother." Chad sounded disgusted. Chad sounded like he was Chad. Jared smiled.
"I don't know what disturbs me more, dude, the fact that you know about Jonas brothers or that you actually read Tiger Beat. Have you checked to see if you still have your balls today? You might want to check. Go on. I'll wait."
Jared walked through the house, letting the dogs out and picking up his shoes.
"Whatever, you freak. What's up with you? Haven't talked in a while? Still addicted to the weird things?"
"I'm fine, you psycho. When are you going to Hollister for your photoshoot?"
"A and F, dude. A and F. You sound not fine. Ackles home?"
Jared had told Chad way too much. He'd have to kill him now. "Yeah Jensen's home for a while."
"Ahh."
"Not like that, Chad. Not anymore."
"What? You over Ackles? Just like that? Want I should throw a party? Has to be some ticker tape around here somewhere."
"Shut up, you ass. And don't they make you work in Bumfuck, West Virginia? All you have to do is harass me?"
"Avoiding." Chad said in a very annoying sing-song voice.
"Will kill you." Jared returned in the same voice.
"Seriously, Jay. What?"
"I'm over him. Completely. I'm kinda in love with someone else."
"Fast. What's he look like?"
"Not really, dude. I think I liked him for a while, just got caught up in Jen."
"Yeah. I could see where that would happen. Who is the new guy?" Chad sounded like he might already have a person in mind. Jared smiled because surely he wouldn't think it was Christian.
"Christian. Kane. You know Jensen's friend that sings."
"The dude with the cowboy hats? My God, Jared, I thought you had taste. That dude wears cowboy hats. In public." Chad sounded a little overwhelmed with Christian's fashion choices.
"Do I need to remind you of your leopard print pants, Chadwick? Because I will. With photographic evidence."
Chad made a sound like he was shuddering causing Jared to laugh loudly.
"Seriously, though, beyond the cowboy hats, if you like him, he must be awesome. If he hurts you, I will break his kneecaps. I still owe Ackles a private conference with a baseball bat."
Jared shook his head. There was no explanation for Chad. He loved the guy, but sometimes his overprotective act was a little much.
"I'm fine. Jensen is fine. Christian is fine. You will be hurting no one with a bat."
Chad sighed dramatically. "Fine. Ruin all my fun."
"So are you married this week? I can't remember."
Chad laughed. Jared wasn't lying. He was feeling pretty damn good. And he'd feel even better when he saw Christian again without Jensen attached to him like a barnacle.
Jared tuned out Chad going on and on about the benefits of Brazilian waxes on chicks and flicked on the tv in his room.
He really was fine.
**
Christian talked Jensen into letting him go back and get his things by himself which was harder than he thought it would be, but damn worth it when he walked in and smelled something Italian floating around the house.
He honestly didn't know how they were going to work this in the future, what with him going back and recording, and Jared starting back filming. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind though. He didn't want to think so far ahead, that was part of the reason he and Steve were such a mess. Chris couldn't really help it that he was always thinking about how something he did now affected his future. It was just how he was.
He walked into the kitchen to see Jared standing over a pot of something boiling in a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" apron and bare feet. Chris felt himself smile involuntarily at the sight.
Chris wasn't kidding when he told Jared he wanted to wait. He mostly just wanted to sort out the mess he'd made of himself in the past year. He didn't figure it was fair to bring Jared into that web just to get stuck and unhappy.
But seeing him like this now... It kind of made Chris wish he was a little more impulsive.
When Jared finally sensed Chris was there and looked up at him, Christian nearly fell over at the joy he saw on Jared's face.
He resolved to ask him why he was so unhappy for so long. And he knew that because Jared was Jared, Chris would have to give up a little of himself in order to get those answers.
He figured that wasn't such a bad thing, and he stepped into the kitchen and closer to Jared.
"Hey, Jay. Whatcha cookin'?"
**
Jared found himself a few hours later crowded on the bed with Christian and the dogs. They were watching really crap tv and talking occasionally. It was the most relaxed Jared had felt in his home in a while.
He didn't know when he started becoming an outsider in his own life, but it was starting to bug him and taking control with the Jensen situation made him feel so much better.
Jared was dozing, lazily running fingers through Christian's hair as he made noises at the television when Christian asked him, "Why do you think something was so wrong with you before?"
Jared sat up a little higher, tried to drag Christian into his line of sight. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't try to hemhaw me." Christian's voice was gentle, but he looked serious. Jared had no defenses here against Christian's quiet acceptance.
He ducked his head a little and started, "I didn't know who I was."
Christian moved to sit cross-legged facing Jared. "You?"
Jared ignored Christian's incredulous tone and sighed. "Yeah, man. Me. I... I lost some friends, gained Jensen, tried to fit myself into a place I didn't belong. But I'm good here. Now. With you."
Christian closed his eyes on a small smile. Jared wanted to lean forward and kiss the smile off his face, but he didn't. He was respecting Christian's wish to wait...even if it would be really hard to do so.
"Jensen's moving out."
"Yeah. Yeah he told me. I helped him find an apartment yesterday, but holy shit is he picky as all hell."
Jared laughed a little. He knew all about that. Had that fucking couch to prove it.
"I'm moving out, too."
Christian's rather abrupt, overly-bright tone didn't match with the words he was saying, and Jared felt suddenly cotton-brained.
"You're what?"
"I'm going to stay at a hotel."
"Oh." Jared was a little dizzy. He cast about for something else to say, maybe an explanation for this, but he found nothing.
"Jay? Darlin'? Look at me."
Jared didn't. "If you want to go, that's fine. Um." He didn't want to ask, but well, he wasn't that strong. "When will I see you again?" He hated himself a little bit when he heard his own pathetic tone.
"No, Jared. It's not like that. I just want to go, give us some space, make this thing work without us being on top of each other all the time." Christian waved his hand around vaguely.
Jared tried to smile.
"I want it to be easier."
"No. Okay. I get that, Christian."
Christian leaned forward and put his face right into Jared's. "I want us to date. So I'm going to my hotel. Because this movie? Is for shit. And if I stay here longer, I'll wanna stay here longer. And I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight. Whatdya say?"
Jared's eyes were bright with his smile, and he grinned at Christian before he leaned forward and said right against his lips, "It's a date. Now let's get all your stuff together."
Christian's breathing went shakier the longer Jared sat there not kissing him. Jared couldn't help but feel a little triumphant at that, but Christian also didn't lean in and kiss Jared, so that feeling was a bit outweighed with disappointment--which only intensified when Chris got off the bed and headed out toward the living room.
"Got all my stuff already. You walk me to the door like a right proper gentleman now. And I'll see you tomorrow."
"Fine." Jared clambered off the bed and looked at Christian solemnly before asking, "What should I wear?"
Christian's big laugh lit Jared from the inside out as they walked toward the front door.
**
Christian was kind of nervous. He didn't know why; it was Jared, and this was their second official date. Something had changed though. Jared had waited. Patiently. Christian had switched on something in himself he thought he'd been missing for a while.
It felt good.
It didn't feel as good as kissing Jared goodnight on their first date, taking him by surprise. It didn't feel as good, either, as calling Jared after he got home and spending about an hour on the phone talking about nothing in particular and everything that made them each who they were.
Chris had been missing this with Steve. They had fallen together so quickly and so completely that it just seemed natural to be together in all ways. They moved in together almost immediately after meeting, started the relationship part of them quickly after that. There was no getting to know you time, there was no Christian Kane when they were together. There was only Chris and Steve.
It was a little sad how much Christian had missed himself.
He rang the doorbell again and waited for Jared. Maybe he was nervous because he had to wait. Last time he rang the bell and waited for someone to open this door, he was beaten down. Chris decided to keep that memory. He'd call it up whenever he needed to realize someone he hadn't known except peripherally cared about him enough to take care of him for a while.
He wondered now if he hadn't always been half in love with Jared. Seemed likely enough.
Christian knocked on the door, but there was no answer, so he just let himself in. He hadn't wanted to keep the key, but Jared insisted.
"Jay? Hey darlin', you forget about me?" Christian called out into the belly of the house.
He heard the low murmur of the television and headed in the direction of Jared's bedroom. When he got there, he found Jared on his side, curled in on himself. He immediately conjured up the worst.
"Jared? Hey?" Christian gentled his voice and scooted around to crouch in front of Jared. "What's wrong, baby boy?"
When Jared lifted his face, Chris could tell he'd been crying.
"Seriously, Jay, what's the matter?"
Jared made an unintelligible noise and held his hand out to Chris. He didn't need more of an invitation than that and climbed up beside him to tuck Jared close to him. He ran his guitar-calloused fingers over Jared's back and hummed a little barely audibly.
It was long minutes like that before Jared spoke, "Mama called." And Chris could still here the tears threatening.
"Yeah?"
"Nothing bad happened or nothin'. I just. I wanna go home."
They rolled a little, and Jared buried his face in the space between Christian's shoulder and neck.
"Well, go. We'll go. I'll go with you. Been meaning to get back yonder way for a while now. When you wantin' to make this trip?"
Jared didn't look up, just squeezed Chris tighter in thanks.
They both held on to each other until the worst of the storm that threatened to take Jared passed, and he fell asleep, tangled limbs and hair with Christian's own.
**
Jared woke the next morning to the feel of Christian warm beside him. It was a good feeling. Especially after his needless emotional roller coaster night. He didn't have to make that call or tell his mama anything about Chris, but he had wanted to so badly. He'd been bursting with the feeling and wanted to share. She made him feel guilty, then hopeless, then back to loved and over into fantastic all the while guilt-tripping about never going home.
It was more than he was willing to handle after Jensen had left earlier in the day, so he went to take a nap and ended up staying there and feeling depressed and sorry for himself until Christian arrived.
That thought brought him back full circle.
Jared shifted so he could run his thumb over Christian's bottom lip, trace his jaw with a forefinger.
He was waiting, but he wasn't very good with patience. And now Christian had promised to let Jared take him home. He was keeping him; he just had to inform Christian of his plan.
When he shifted to get up and let the dogs out, Christian's arm snaked around him and pulled him back. Jared landed with a smile mostly on Christian's chest. He leaned his head back trying to see his face, but he didn't quite manage.
"Where you goin'?" Christian drawled in a still-sleepy tone.
"Feed the dogs, take a shower, watch CNN. The usual."
"Why is it we only ever fall asleep here fully clothed and after some big event? Tonight when we go to bed, let's try for something different."
Christian's arm slid away as he rolled over, and Jared got up on shaky legs.
So much for waiting...
**
After Chris finally decided he should emerge, Jared was dressed, had been to the store, fixed lunch and was about to go back out to God knew where. He just laughed and made his way to the kitchen for leftovers.
"How do you have this sort of energy, dude? It's ridiculous is what it is. Be fuckin' lazy like the rest of the world."
Jared just shrugged with that cute little boy look and stole Chris's chips.
"So what do you want to do today? You know, since I ruined your date last night and all." Jared asked somewhat sheepishly.
"It wasn't ruined. I still got to spend the night with you. Just change of plans, 's all." Chris grinned lopsidedly at Jared and threw a pickle at him, which the bastard caught in his mouth.
"What?" Jared asked around a mouthful after he noticed Chris staring at him. "I have hidden depths."
"Hate to break this to you, but doing food tricks is not considered a 'depth.'" Chris patted him on the head and deftly got off the couch afterwards as Jared lunged for him. He laughed before he said, "I'm going to shower, steal one of your ugly shirts, then maybe we can talk Texas and go to like, a record store or something. Yeah?"
He didn't wait for a response, just made his way down the hall.
When he came out, Jared was sliding a shirt over his head, and Chris stood in the door to admire. Jared was beautiful. Chris wanted to tell him, wanted to touch him, and when Jared turned and swallowed hard at the sight of mostly wet Chris, he knew that's exactly what he should do.
"You're beautiful," Chris started, in a low, rough voice. He watched Jared flush and back up a little as Christian stalked into the room. "Waiting is hard, Jay. I'm kinda tired of it." He reached out and twisted a hand in the hem of Jared's shirt and tugged. Jared stumbled into him with a questioning look.
Christian nodded and heard Jared practically growl "Oh, thank God" right before Jared's lips crushed into his. This kiss was completely unlike the first two in that this one was heat and need and had a purpose and an ending they both wanted.
Jared pulled Chris in closer and ran giant hands over his back, down his sides, never once letting up the assault on Christian's mouth. Jared was all hot tongue, roaming hands and forceful need driving Chris into a higher frenzy.
He felt Jared push him a little, then his back hit the wall soundly. Jared moved his mouth to tease the skin over Chris's collarbone. Chris let his head rest on the wall and tangled his fingers in Jared's hair. He pulled, and Jared reacted, kissing him again with all the fire from before and a little something else.
Christian felt like drowning.
He hooked his arms around Jared's back to steady himself as Jared ate at his mouth in little nipping bites and licked his way inside to twine his tongue around Christian's.
Jared tasted sweet and so much like life that Christian was drunk on him. When Jared pulled away finally to gnaw at his neck, Chris pushed him back a little to catch his breath.
He looked up to see Jared's eyes had gone a husky shade of almost-blue green, and he grinned slowly.
"Well," he managed.
"I honestly don't see a point in you gettin' dressed, Christian."
Christian swallowed down the groan that the timbre of Jared's voice elicited and shook his head.
"Nah. I'm gettin' dressed. We're leaving outta here and doing normal things, and when we come back?"
Jared raised his eyebrows, then finished for Chris, "When we come back, you are staying."
Christian just smiled wider.
**
Jared got out of the truck and leaned against the side. He watched Christian lazily as he gathered all his things to take back upstairs with him.
"You walking me to the door?" Christian asked around a yawn. They were both tired after all the things they decided to pack into that day. Jared thought a little morosely that it was as if they weren't ever seeing each other again.
"Nah. I'm going to kiss you and say good night here."
Christian smiled his "I know all about you" smile because he really did know all about Jared at this point. Jared didn't want to leave him anymore, that much was obvious to anyone.
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, then. Unless you feel like we need a break?"
Jared stood up a little straighter, "No. I want to see you tomorrow," he answered quickly, tamping down on the flare of panic. When he noticed Chris was mostly kidding, Jared dropped his voice to barely a whisper before adding, "I want to see you everyday."
At that Christian pushed up close to Jared with his day's bounty between them. Jared met him halfway for that kiss before extracting himself and shoving Chris toward the door.
"Get some sleep, cowboy. That? Was technically our third date."
"What're tryin' to say? You should be coming up? You know we ain't ever followed those sorts of rules."
"I'm well aware, but this dating thing was your idea, Christian. And I'm just telling you there is standard protocol."
"Standard protocol? Boy, get your crazy ass outta here and call me tomorrow. But not before noon. I will skin you if you wake me up early again."
"Skin? Promise?"
Jared laughed and Christian's scowl followed him into the truck.
**
"'Lo?"
"Hey." Christian winced at the sound of Jared's sleepy greeting.
"Christian? What the fuck time is it, man?"
Jared still sounded mostly asleep, and Chris felt kind of bad for waking him up for no reason. He swallowed down his new nervousness. Jared wouldn't mind. Chris couldn't sleep; he knew that.
"It's, like, four? I think. I just.. You know, nevermind. Go back to sleep, Jay. I'll see you later."
"No, no, I'm up. What is it, baby? Were you thinkin' again?"
"Um. Yeah. I guess. Just like, you been waitin' and that's awesome. People don't usually do what I ask unless I holler. I don't actually like hollerin', Jay. But why are you waitin'? You never said. And you had Jensen, so I feel like. Like I'm just a really sad, redneck replacement."
Christian slapped a hand over his face. God why had he said that? Sure he'd been thinking it, but dammit all to fucking hell. Here he went again with the overthinking.
He heard Jared shift around in the bed. Chris conjured him up in that big bed by himself, wished he had better sense enough to stay with him.
"You woke me up for this?" Jared sounded tired and a little amused.
"God. I suck."
"A little. Yeah. And I wouldn't even know if it's good or not."
"Oh, jokes. Great, Jay."
"Christian. God. I never had Jensen. Jensen was never mine to have. And if I tell you that I'm kinda in love with you, will you let me go back to sleep?" Jared's last words were slightly muffled, and Chris imagined he pulled the blanket over his head.
"Uh. Well not after that. No."
"Why do you doubt yourself so much?"
"Why do you?" Chris counter a little too defensively.
He heard Jared sigh. Chris rolled over on his side and stared at the hideous wallpaper. He knew why, of course, but trying to explain that to Jared was hard.
"All my life I been a part of something else. It's always been 'Chris and..' I don't quite know what to do without that other person." He let out a shaky breath.
"So what you're saying is you miss Steve and would like to go home." Jared seemed resigned. Chris laughed a little.
"No, sugar. What I'm saying is that I'm figuring out who I am alone and what I don't like is being alone so I want to go home. To you."
He had figured it out somewhere between waking up at three, and Jared saying he was probably in love with him.
"I'll leave the door unlocked." And with that Jared hung up on him.
**
Jared snapped his phone closed and sat up bolt right in the bed. He shook his head a little and remembered what the hell he had just said.
Told Christian I was in love with him? Check.
Told him he could live here? Check.
Jared freaked out some in his head.
He always freaked out better with food, so he went to the kitchen for chips and salsa. On his way back, he did unlock the door, and he curled up on the sofa and waited to see if Christian would, indeed, show up.
He didn't have to wait long because fifteen minutes later, Christian was standing there in the same clothes Jared had left him in earlier that night looking like he hadn't slept at all and hotter than anyone had a right to look that early in the morning.
Christian walked straight in, shut the door behind him and leaned on it, just staring at Jared.
Jared tried smiling but gave up and shrugged.
"So now what?" Christian spoke first.
"Video games?" Jared swallowed. He really had no idea. He was nervous. He hadn't been nervous around Christian before, but this night seemed electrically charged.
"Not now."
"Did you bring your stuff with you? We can unload it?" Jared was grasping. He knew it. Christian knew it.
"I didn't," he answered shaking his head. "Thought we'd. We could go get it all later." Christian ended on a tiny huffing laugh.
Jared laughed a little in return. This was ridiculous. It was Christian.
"Come over here." Jared was smiling for real now as he watched Christian push off the door and cross to him. "Remember the first time you let me hang out with you and Jensen and Steve?"
Christian waited until he was fully entrenched in the circle of Jared's arms before answering, "Not really. I think we were stoned."
"Sounds about right." Jared laughed to himself and drew strange little patterns on Christian's chest. "I wanted so badly for you to like me. I thought, if only Christian liked me, the world could be a bit bigger, Jensen would see that I'm awesome, I'd have crinkly blue eyes following me around the room."
"I liked you, Jay. I've always liked you."
Christian sat up and turned to look at him, just now putting things together. "It's been that long, Jared? Really?"
He just shrugged. He turned toward the television and thought about how long it really was. How long he had to endure everyone else finding things in life they wanted. How long he would wait for things that never quite belonged to him.
"Are you going to think all night?" Christian asked as he put a hand on Jared's face.
"Thinkin' about it." He quirked up one side of his face.
"Well. I'm here now."
"Yeah. Yeah you are." Jared leaned up then and captured Christian's mouth with his own. He ran his hands under Christian's shirt and angled him down farther. Chris buried fingers in Jared's hair and held him while he kissed his lips and his neck and nibbled his ear. Jared groaned and pushed one of his hands past the waistband of Christian's jeans.
When Christian pulled back and made to take off his shirt, Jared asked him breathlessly, "Are you sure? Waitin's over?"
"Oh hell yeah, Jared. Waitin's over."
"Good. Oh God, Christian. Good."
Jared bucked Christian back off of him and stood up, pulling Christian down the hall with him.
He didn't get far before Chris was slamming him into the wall and sucking his neck and worrying the elastic of his pants. Jared laughed a little and stood there taking everything Christian felt like giving until he was really ready to give more back.
He dragged himself away and practically sprinted to his room. Jared sat on the bed and pulled his shirt off, watched Christian do the same as he came to stand in front of him.
Jared reached out, grasped his hips and pulled him closer into the circle of his body. He worked Christian's belt free and undid his zipper. He watched Christian's eyes go blue-black with need.
When Jared finally freed Christian's cock and wrapped a hand around it, Christian's head rolled on his neck, and his breath shuddered.
"Want you so fucking much, Christian. You have no idea." Jared pushed his clothes off the rest of the way, and before Christian could come back to his senses, he leaned in and swirled his tongue around the head of his cock once, twice. Christian moaned, and Jared took him fully into his mouth and worked his tongue around Christian.
Jared was lost in the taste of Christian, in the way Chris grabbed his hair, stuttered out his name. Jared sunk long fingers into Christian's hips, anchoring him to his mouth. His heart was pounding in his head, and he barely registered that Chris was asking him to stop.
He leaned back and looked up. Tried to catch his breath before he said, "What? Why?"
"Want to feel you, Jared."
He didn't need more than that to come up off the bed and reverse their positions, pulling his pants off before he laid down beside Chris.
"Okay. Here we are." Jared couldn't help but smile, and licked his lips when Christian laughed at him.
"Here we are. Your big ass bed. You in it. Naked. This is workin' out pleasantly."
Jared leaned in to kiss the smile off Christian's face causing Chris to curl up into Jared and hold onto him like he was drowning. Jared snaked a hand down between them and wrapped it around Christian again. Chris tore himself from Jared's mouth and threw his head back; Jared couldn't help but latch on to the pulse beating there, marking him when he felt Christian finally touch him.
"So pretty, Christian. All mine." Jared panted and ran his thumb over the head. Chris shuddered and bit down on Jared's shoulder.
"God Jared. I. Fuck. Oh God, baby boy. You are."
Jared licked his way into Christian's ear and felt Christian explode all over his hand. He laughed a little when Chris went slack, dropping his full weight onto him.
Jared just held on, murmuring his name and soft promises he had every intention of keeping.
**
Christian's mouth was dry and his head felt about eighty sizes too big, but he didn't give a good goddamn. It was the best he'd felt in a long time. He gave himself three minutes, before he rolled off Jared and started the slow descent down his long body.
He watched Jared's eyes turn gold around the rim, felt his heart stutter under his tongue as he licked over his chest.
By the time he took as much of Jared into his mouth as he could, Jared was panting his name and squirming under his hands. Chris felt crazy with want and drunk with the power to make Jared fold like this.
He slowly released Jared's cock from his mouth and said in a ragged voice, "I can do this here all night, darlin', but I'd really like you to come for me. I want to taste you, Jay."
And before Jared's whimper died out, Christian was back on him and sucking down the last of Jared's shuddered release.
He made his way back to Jared's gorgeous face and grinned down at him. Jared didn't say anything, just grabbed him and wrapped around him like a vine, and they were both asleep before Christian could say anything else.
When he woke up, it was to a dog licking the bottom of his left foot. He wondered idly if this was how he'd wake up most mornings for the rest of his little while before he put his foot back under the sheet and rolled into Jared's warmth.
**
When Jared woke up, Christian was spread out over him and taking up most of the bed. Jared wondered briefly if Christian took up all the space Jared would give him for the rest of their time together.
He didn't mind. Just tucked Christian closer to him before he heard Christian say, "I knew this bed was made for something other than eatin'."
Jared laughed and moved them around until they were facing each other. He traced the shape of Christian's lips and his eyebrows before snuggling closer in.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself." Christian smiled widely at him.
Jared wanted this every single day, just like this, but he couldn't help but wonder in the back of his mind if it would stay just this perfect.
Christian interrupted his thoughts with, "You're thinking loudly again."
"Can't help it." Jared closed his eyes.
"You gonna feed me this mornin'? Always tryin' to feed me."
"Yeah, I can manage something." He replied without opening his eyes.
He didn't move at all until he felt Christian lay his head on Jared's chest. "I want to be here, Jared. For as long as I possibly can. Okay?"
"Just that easy?" Jared shook his head a little. Why he couldn't just say 'okay' and be done with it, he'll never know.
"Yeah. Just that easy. Because the hard part's over now."
"What was the hard part, Christian?"
Jared licked his lips, and Christian raised up to look at him. He stared at him for a long time before twining their fingers together and answering, "Runnin'. Both of us. Been runnin' too long." Christian glanced around the room, "And it's over now. Stopped here. Together."
Jared nodded. "Yeah. Yeah it's just that easy." He kissed Christian then, pouring everything he was feeling into it, and Christian tightened around Jared, held on like he'd never let go.
Jared would never let him.
"So. Pancakes or waffles?"
Christian laughed loud and bright. Jared was never so thankful for anything in all his life.
"Whatever you want, Jay." Christian's voice dropped low and hoarse, "Whatever you want."
"Got everything I want, I think."
"Yeah. Yeah I'm thinkin' I do, too. And about damn time."
Part One
Jared and Chris had a standing date after that to head to the club and interact with the folks and drink beers and sing ridiculous songs. It was one of the highlights of his week.
After one particularly raucous night, Jared dragged Christian out of the bar and poured them both in a cab. He was happy and pleasant, and he had Christian. His life was looking better.
"I can't believe you got up there singing 'Fat Bottom Girls,'" Jared laughed as they trudged up the walk hanging onto each other for support.
He felt freer than he had in a long time.
"Come on. It's fuckin' Queen, dude. 'Course I'm singin' it."
Jared shook his head and turned to lean on the door, eyes still laughing at Christian.
Christian just stood there looking back at him with that face that made Jared a little crazy. He wasn't drunk enough not to notice that Christian's eyes edged toward black when he'd been drinking. He wasn't drunk enough to miss how Christian was laughing up at him and not pulling away from him when he reached out to touch the ends of Christian's hair. Jared knew he had an opening like never before. Maybe he was too drunk. He was feeling a little poetic.
Jared shook his head and laughed a little at himself. Then, he leaned down and kissed Christian. It was short and not more than just the rub of Jared's mouth over Christian's, but it was enough for now to heat Jared from the inside.
He turned back around on Christian's questioning gaze and tried to unlock the door, dropping the keys in the process and laughing.
It was so good to laugh.
After the second time he dropped the keys, Christian leaned in close, and Jared closed his eyes.
"You suck. Let me do it this time, hoss." But he said it with a smile, so Jared wasn't mad.
They finally tumbled through the door, still laughing and nudging each other with elbows.
Jared was plotting out how to make sure they didn't go to sleep when he heard: "Where the hell have you two been? Not answering cell phones, not home for hours."
It was Jensen.
Jared flipped on a light close to him to see Jen sitting on the couch that he picked out like he fucking belonged there, holding court with Jared's dogs.
He felt Christian tense beside him and that just made him madder. Jensen hadn't been here; he had no idea what they had been up to, what Christian was going through.
"Where the fuck do you get off asking that?" Jared asked low.
He watched Jensen swing his gaze between him and Christian with his brow creased.
Jared was about to lay into Jen about, well hell about everything, when Christian put a hand on his back. Jared's tension melted slightly under Christian's heat.
Christian said amiably, "We were out. When'd you get in, Jennyboy?"
"Few hours ago. Got a call. From Steve. Told me maybe I should pay a visit to my house, put my affairs back in order. Seemed to think something was going on with you two."
Jared recognized Jensen's You don't want to fuck with me and mine Dean voice, but he couldn't tell if it was directed at him or Chris. It didn't matter either way, though, because now Jared was pissed because Jensen said my house.
"Last time I checked I owned this place." Jared had a don't fuck with me voice, too.
"You didn't answer my question."
"Jenny, shut up alright." Jared heard Christian say as he twisted his hand in the back of Jared's shirt. He was trying to reign him in, but Jared was farther gone than all that.
"Are you fucking him?" Jensen questioned Christian. "Haven't even broke up with Steve properly and already shacking up. Should I alert my other friends as well that you might pay them a visit, Kane?"
Jared practically lunged at Jensen, but Chris was there, pulling him back, anchoring him to their side of the room.
Christian looked up at Jared then, all pleading eyes and stubble, and asked tightly, "Give us a minute here, Jay?"
Jared searched Christian's face and found please and I'll be okay on Christian's face and stalked off towards his room.
**
Christian rounded on Jensen then with barely suppressed fury, "You think coming in here with secondhand information and riling up your best friend in his own fucking house is going to earn you any answers, Ackles? You oughta be ashamed of yourself, Jennyboy. Rightly ashamed."
Christian was pleased when Jensen had the good sense to look chagrined.
"Third hand."
"What?" Christian didn't turn back to Jensen as he barked that question at him. He stayed facing toward the hall. Toward Jared.
"My information. It was third hand."
"I should probably punch you, son. I really should."
"Tell me what's going on." Jensen at least tried for gentle there.
Christian didn't know if he was impressed.
"No more conclusion-jumpin'?"
"No more. What's going on with y'all?"
"I knew you were a Texan, Jenny. 'Bout time."
"It was seeing your redneck ass, Kane, what done it."
Christian turned around and started his watered down version of the story.
He left out all the good parts.
**
Jared was laying on his bed with Harley curled up close to his chest when he felt someone crawl onto the bed behind him and wrap around him.
He tried not to be too disappointed when he realized it was Jensen. He just drew his legs up higher so Jensen could get comfortable. Jensen laid his chin on Jared's shoulder and draped an arm over his waist, playing with Harley's tail.
It was a testament to how over Jensen he really was when he breathed deep, smelling only Jensen, and thought about how much he missed the smell of Chris next to him. He hadn't even had Christian next to him enough.
"I'm sorry," Jensen whispered.
"'S okay, Jen."
"It's not. I jumped, pretty much flew, to conclusions."
Jared sighed. He felt old again. All his happiness from earlier gone.
"Just because you don't want me, Jen, doesn't mean no one else can have me."
"I know. It's not fair. I get that, but..."
Jared felt Jensen shake his head.
"I think maybe you should move out." Jared swallowed after he said that. It hurt. It really did.
"I think you're right."
"I mean, if you want to save our friendship at all."
"I do. You are my best friend. I need you."
Jared had waited a year to hear that, and now it didn't mean anything. Now, all he could see when he closed his eyes were blue eyes--deep and dark.
"Chris told me his side of things. Apparently, Steve lied a little. But he's Steve so I expected that."
Jared rocked his head in a semblance of a nod.
"Want to tell me your side of things?"
"Not really, Jen. You aren't exactly objective."
"I'm here for you. I am, Jay."
"Thanks, but I think Christian needs you as a friend more than me."
Jared felt Jensen scoot back off the bed. When he heard Jensen pause in the doorway, he rolled over, told Jensen, "You can leave your stuff here long as you want. I'm not forcing you out, Jensen."
"I know."
Jared closed his eyes and rolled back over.
Jared's side of things?
He was in love with Christian. And he had no idea what to do about it.
**
Back on the couch, Christian thought a little snidely. Not that he minded, really, just that Jensen didn't have to come up in here and disrespect everyone and jump around acting a damn fool, then throw him out of what he considered his room for the last little while.
He couldn't sleep. Nothing new there. He got up and rummaged around in Jensen's bag for the cigarettes he knew he had. Chris was kind of ashamed. He'd been doing good since he'd been at Jared's.
He'd been doing a lot of good with a lot of things.
Chris took his stolen cigarettes and his cell out on the back porch.
What he really wanted to do was go to Jared. He wanted to go and ask him if he was for real with that kiss or if he was drunk. Ask him if he knew how much Jensen was a part of who Jared was fundamentally.
Ask him if he could let that go...
He couldn't ask that of Jared until he asked that of himself. He knew that Steve was a big part of who he was as a person. Steve was sometimes the best part of him. It was about time Chris just manned up and confronted all the shit he'd pushed to the back for so long.
He was tired. It was getting old.
As he dialed Steve, he remembered that he promised Jared he could be here for this, but right now, he just needed to get through it without the distraction Jared caused.
"Chris?"
"Hey." His voice was so low he wondered if he could even be heard.
"Talk to Jensen? Tired of being a hypocrite?"
"Wait now. I called here to just talk. Finally. I don't need no lip from you. I'm not a hypocrite. This isn't about Jared or Jensen or our mutual friends. This is about you and me and how we treated each other."
"Well that was a mouthful."
"Don't be smart, Steve. I ain't up for it. Just want some answered 's all." God, he was so tired.
"Fine. Ask."
Christian settled farther back and propped his feet on the deck. This was gonna hurt.
"Why? Was I just not good enough? Because I want to know. I want you to tell me."
He waited for what seemed like ten minutes before hearing Steve, "Good enough?"
"Yeah. I mean. I didn't figure I was always the most awesome person to be in a relationship with, but I was always real. And always honest. And I thought we got along in everything. Before you say it, I know how you are. I mean, fuck, Steve, I'm like that more times than not myself. But... Why?"
Chris finished on a huff and scrubbed a hand over his face.
"I don't know. I really don't, dude. I mean. It was good. I didn't really want out. Shoulda just said I was bored but..but you know how I am." He could practically hear Steve shrug.
"So I was borin'? That's all?"
"No. You are many things, Christian Kane, but never boring."
"Then why did you find it necessary to cheat on me, man? When I was so certain that everything was cantering along just fine?"
"I guess because it was. I just. Why don't you come home?"
Steve's abrupt subject change caught him off guard. Home? He was beginning to feel like this place was home. He didn't have one with Steve anymore. He wondered now if he ever did.
"You just need somebody, dontcha? Just all the time, need somebody to need you? And that's okay. But."
"But what?"
Chris sighed. He had wanted to be needed for once.
"Can't come back, man. Maybe we can see our way to writin' songs again, but right now? Well right now, I'm over being the one always doling out myself for everyone else to take. I need to be needed, too."
"So that's really it, then? No fighting?"
"I'm too tired for fightin', and 'sides, neither one of us thinks the other is worth fightin' for anymore, anyway."
Christian heard Steve inhale sharply. He wasn't sure what that meant, but he was serious that fighting with him would accomplish nothing. They were too alike and too different all at the same time to make this work any longer.
"Want me to... Want me to box up your stuff?" Steve sounded resigned, but normal. Chris figured they'd be fine eventually.
"You really are like the other half of me with a guitar. You know that, right? But I can't keep up this push'n'pull we got goin'," he practically whispered, hoping Steve would catch it. "And no," he said louder, "I'll come get my stuff. We'll see each other. Soon."
Steve breathed for a few moments before he finally said, "I know." And then he hung up.
Chris lit a cigarette and watched it burn orange in the night. He'd be fine. They'd both be fine. He closed his eyes and realized that he felt it deep inside.
He was gonna be just fine.
**
Jared couldn't sleep. The encounter with Jensen had left him drained on a level he hadn't felt before. He was jittery and so tired he had crossed over that barrier into wide awake.
He rolled over and watched his ceiling fan rotate. And thought about Christian.
Like I ever do anything else.
As he watched the blades turn, he remembered the night pre-Jensen. They had had fun. Christian was laughing, and it was good to see. He was singing again. And God, Jared would never get tired of listening to him. He had a way of just striking right into the soul of someone with one simple word sung low in that voice.
Jared got up and decided he needed peanut butter and banana sandwiches if he was going to keep this up all night.
Christian had kissed him back. Well, he had a little. Jared was sure of it, but damned if he didn't want more. He needed more. He needed to find out what else was there, and if it was one-sided or not, before he went utterly crazy.
As he passed by the back door on the way to the kitchen, he saw the yellow tint of fire and heard the click-snap of a lighter.
Jared found Christian relaxed out on the deck as not asleep as he was.
"Hey." Christian said with a smile in his voice before he even turned to look at him.
"Why are you up?" Jared questioned as he took a seat on the long chair next to him.
Christian held up his cell phone and waggled it back and forth.
"Lied to you, Jay," he said, causing Jared to tense, but he relaxed at Christian's next words. "Had to call Steve. Needed answers."
"Did you get them?" He aimed for casual, but he wasn't sure he made it because he really wanted Christian to get what he needed from Steve so he could move on.
"Yeah. Yeah, I really think I did."
Jared swallowed down all the words he wanted to say.
"Why you up, Jared?" Christian looked down at him then, soft, sleepy expression on his face.
"Goin' to make a sandwich. I'm too tired to sleep, too keyed up to lay there. Thought I'd eat something." He moved his fingers in a semblance of a shrug.
"Always eating, man." But he was laughing when he said it. Jared watched Christian get up and reach for him. "Let's go, then. Feed you."
Jared smiled when Christian threaded his fingers through Jared's after he was standing.
"Were you serious about earlier?" Chris asked a little hesitantly.
"What did I say earlier?" Jared was sort of confused. If it concerned Christian, he was always serious, but he didn't think now was the time for that.
Christian looked down at the stupid pattern on Jared's shirt before he looked back and shook his head.
"Not what you said. What you did. Earlier. Were you serious when..?"
Jared realized what he meant, and he nodded even as he bent closer to Christian.
"I was serious. I am serious. But. I want you to be serious about it." Then, he pulled away and made for the kitchen, but before he got very far, Christian was spinning him back around.
Jared's eyes widened a little in questioning, but Christian just shook his head again and wrapped his arms around Jared's waist.
Jared stiffened, then heard Chris mumble, "I want to be serious. But you gotta wait for me some."
Jared only relaxed after he felt Christian tuck his head closer into his chest. Jared tightened his arms around him and rubbed his nose over Christian's hair. He didn't say he'd wait forever, but he wanted to.
"I'll be here, Christian." I'll be here.
Christian pulled away then and framed Jared's face in hands, kissed him softly. Jared closed his eyes and savored the soft brush of Christian against him. He angled his head some, but let Christian tell him where they were going here with the press of his mouth.
Jared felt Christian step away and followed the movement but made no move to kiss him again.
"I know you will, baby boy. Just. Don't let me keep you waitin' too long, alright?"
"I'll prod you every now and again, then, shall I?" Jared quirked up the left side of his mouth. He felt light and flush and better than he had all day.
"I'll hold you to that. Now c'mon. I'll feed you for a change." He linked his fingers with Jared's again, and Jared couldn't help but run his thumb over Christian's as he let himself be led toward the kitchen.
**
"Okay, seriously what is with you, man?" Christian asked Jensen over sandwiches.
"I don't know what you mean," Jensen answered with a mouthful of turkey club.
"You're cockblocking, Jen. It's been three days, and you're glued to me. What the hell?"
Christian watched Jensen go from confused to a little sheepish. Seriously enough was enough, and Jensen needed to back the hell off. He'd been in between Chris and Jared since he'd woken up three days ago.
"Are you rushing into it? I mean... Chris, you just broke up with Steve. And I know how much Steve means to you. Steve and I were talking about it the other day, and we just were concerned for you. You took off and Steve was crazy and I didn't know anything. And now here you are. With Jared."
Chris sat back and looked at Jensen. "Really, Jen? Thought you were over Big Jay? Thought you'd be happy for me, being one of my best friends and all. Thought maybe getting out of the relationship and trying to salvage some kind of friendship with Steve would be a good thing. That maybe you could see how messed up I really was. We really were. I'm tired of runnin'. And you don't know fuck all about me and Steve. We were over far before I took off."
He pushed his food around as Jensen thought through what he said.
"'Kay, fine. You do what you want to do here, man. But don't come to me later. When you need some other place to stay."
Chris narrowed his eyes across the table at Jensen. "I'm fixin' to ball up on your head like a house cat, boy, if you don't shut up. If you think staying with Jay is a bad idea, then you put me up somewhere."
"I am not paying for you to stay in a hotel."
"You ain't gonna be there. Besides, I think you owe me on account of you being a jackass recently." The more Christian thought about it, the better it sounded. He should move out of Jared's place. Then he could pick him up, and they could go on real dates. He wouldn't be underfoot and overhead constantly, and they could take their sweet time figuring out what the hell they were doing.
"I don't owe you anything."
"I seem to recall you busting in and accusing Jared, hollering at me for moving some of your shit and eating your organic peanut butter. So while you're in Uruguay or where the fuck ever, I'll stay in your hotel. 'S all good."
"I'm not going to Uruguay. And I'm not paying for you." Jensen huffed a little, and Chris laughed at him. He was such a priss sometimes.
"Put me up, Jennyboy, or I'm going to tell Steve you're in love with him, and even Venezuela won't be far enough away." Chris tried really hard not to laugh outright.
"I am not. And I'm not going to a South American country, dammit, you hillbilly freak. Now who is gonna ball up on who?" Jensen was going red in the face. This was getting more and more fun. "And I have a girlfriend, Christian, you know that."
"Who has not been in Argentina with you."
"Where do you want to stay?"
Christian allowed a small smile and said simply, "Your choice."
**
Jared scrambled to answer his phone and get out of the car at the same time. "'Lo?"
"Hey there, you crazy tall motherfucker. How are you doing?"
"Hi Chad," Jared replied automatically.
"So, like, I was walking down the street and thinking Why am I not the goddamn face of Abercrombie and Fitch? I mean, I am king of the tweens. I should be getting endorsement deals or something out of it, right?"
"Well, you aren't on the cover of every new Tiger Beat, so I'm not sure that'll work anymore."
"Fuck Tiger Beat, man. I'm not a Jonas brother." Chad sounded disgusted. Chad sounded like he was Chad. Jared smiled.
"I don't know what disturbs me more, dude, the fact that you know about Jonas brothers or that you actually read Tiger Beat. Have you checked to see if you still have your balls today? You might want to check. Go on. I'll wait."
Jared walked through the house, letting the dogs out and picking up his shoes.
"Whatever, you freak. What's up with you? Haven't talked in a while? Still addicted to the weird things?"
"I'm fine, you psycho. When are you going to Hollister for your photoshoot?"
"A and F, dude. A and F. You sound not fine. Ackles home?"
Jared had told Chad way too much. He'd have to kill him now. "Yeah Jensen's home for a while."
"Ahh."
"Not like that, Chad. Not anymore."
"What? You over Ackles? Just like that? Want I should throw a party? Has to be some ticker tape around here somewhere."
"Shut up, you ass. And don't they make you work in Bumfuck, West Virginia? All you have to do is harass me?"
"Avoiding." Chad said in a very annoying sing-song voice.
"Will kill you." Jared returned in the same voice.
"Seriously, Jay. What?"
"I'm over him. Completely. I'm kinda in love with someone else."
"Fast. What's he look like?"
"Not really, dude. I think I liked him for a while, just got caught up in Jen."
"Yeah. I could see where that would happen. Who is the new guy?" Chad sounded like he might already have a person in mind. Jared smiled because surely he wouldn't think it was Christian.
"Christian. Kane. You know Jensen's friend that sings."
"The dude with the cowboy hats? My God, Jared, I thought you had taste. That dude wears cowboy hats. In public." Chad sounded a little overwhelmed with Christian's fashion choices.
"Do I need to remind you of your leopard print pants, Chadwick? Because I will. With photographic evidence."
Chad made a sound like he was shuddering causing Jared to laugh loudly.
"Seriously, though, beyond the cowboy hats, if you like him, he must be awesome. If he hurts you, I will break his kneecaps. I still owe Ackles a private conference with a baseball bat."
Jared shook his head. There was no explanation for Chad. He loved the guy, but sometimes his overprotective act was a little much.
"I'm fine. Jensen is fine. Christian is fine. You will be hurting no one with a bat."
Chad sighed dramatically. "Fine. Ruin all my fun."
"So are you married this week? I can't remember."
Chad laughed. Jared wasn't lying. He was feeling pretty damn good. And he'd feel even better when he saw Christian again without Jensen attached to him like a barnacle.
Jared tuned out Chad going on and on about the benefits of Brazilian waxes on chicks and flicked on the tv in his room.
He really was fine.
**
Christian talked Jensen into letting him go back and get his things by himself which was harder than he thought it would be, but damn worth it when he walked in and smelled something Italian floating around the house.
He honestly didn't know how they were going to work this in the future, what with him going back and recording, and Jared starting back filming. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind though. He didn't want to think so far ahead, that was part of the reason he and Steve were such a mess. Chris couldn't really help it that he was always thinking about how something he did now affected his future. It was just how he was.
He walked into the kitchen to see Jared standing over a pot of something boiling in a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" apron and bare feet. Chris felt himself smile involuntarily at the sight.
Chris wasn't kidding when he told Jared he wanted to wait. He mostly just wanted to sort out the mess he'd made of himself in the past year. He didn't figure it was fair to bring Jared into that web just to get stuck and unhappy.
But seeing him like this now... It kind of made Chris wish he was a little more impulsive.
When Jared finally sensed Chris was there and looked up at him, Christian nearly fell over at the joy he saw on Jared's face.
He resolved to ask him why he was so unhappy for so long. And he knew that because Jared was Jared, Chris would have to give up a little of himself in order to get those answers.
He figured that wasn't such a bad thing, and he stepped into the kitchen and closer to Jared.
"Hey, Jay. Whatcha cookin'?"
**
Jared found himself a few hours later crowded on the bed with Christian and the dogs. They were watching really crap tv and talking occasionally. It was the most relaxed Jared had felt in his home in a while.
He didn't know when he started becoming an outsider in his own life, but it was starting to bug him and taking control with the Jensen situation made him feel so much better.
Jared was dozing, lazily running fingers through Christian's hair as he made noises at the television when Christian asked him, "Why do you think something was so wrong with you before?"
Jared sat up a little higher, tried to drag Christian into his line of sight. "What are you talking about?"
"Don't try to hemhaw me." Christian's voice was gentle, but he looked serious. Jared had no defenses here against Christian's quiet acceptance.
He ducked his head a little and started, "I didn't know who I was."
Christian moved to sit cross-legged facing Jared. "You?"
Jared ignored Christian's incredulous tone and sighed. "Yeah, man. Me. I... I lost some friends, gained Jensen, tried to fit myself into a place I didn't belong. But I'm good here. Now. With you."
Christian closed his eyes on a small smile. Jared wanted to lean forward and kiss the smile off his face, but he didn't. He was respecting Christian's wish to wait...even if it would be really hard to do so.
"Jensen's moving out."
"Yeah. Yeah he told me. I helped him find an apartment yesterday, but holy shit is he picky as all hell."
Jared laughed a little. He knew all about that. Had that fucking couch to prove it.
"I'm moving out, too."
Christian's rather abrupt, overly-bright tone didn't match with the words he was saying, and Jared felt suddenly cotton-brained.
"You're what?"
"I'm going to stay at a hotel."
"Oh." Jared was a little dizzy. He cast about for something else to say, maybe an explanation for this, but he found nothing.
"Jay? Darlin'? Look at me."
Jared didn't. "If you want to go, that's fine. Um." He didn't want to ask, but well, he wasn't that strong. "When will I see you again?" He hated himself a little bit when he heard his own pathetic tone.
"No, Jared. It's not like that. I just want to go, give us some space, make this thing work without us being on top of each other all the time." Christian waved his hand around vaguely.
Jared tried to smile.
"I want it to be easier."
"No. Okay. I get that, Christian."
Christian leaned forward and put his face right into Jared's. "I want us to date. So I'm going to my hotel. Because this movie? Is for shit. And if I stay here longer, I'll wanna stay here longer. And I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight. Whatdya say?"
Jared's eyes were bright with his smile, and he grinned at Christian before he leaned forward and said right against his lips, "It's a date. Now let's get all your stuff together."
Christian's breathing went shakier the longer Jared sat there not kissing him. Jared couldn't help but feel a little triumphant at that, but Christian also didn't lean in and kiss Jared, so that feeling was a bit outweighed with disappointment--which only intensified when Chris got off the bed and headed out toward the living room.
"Got all my stuff already. You walk me to the door like a right proper gentleman now. And I'll see you tomorrow."
"Fine." Jared clambered off the bed and looked at Christian solemnly before asking, "What should I wear?"
Christian's big laugh lit Jared from the inside out as they walked toward the front door.
**
Christian was kind of nervous. He didn't know why; it was Jared, and this was their second official date. Something had changed though. Jared had waited. Patiently. Christian had switched on something in himself he thought he'd been missing for a while.
It felt good.
It didn't feel as good as kissing Jared goodnight on their first date, taking him by surprise. It didn't feel as good, either, as calling Jared after he got home and spending about an hour on the phone talking about nothing in particular and everything that made them each who they were.
Chris had been missing this with Steve. They had fallen together so quickly and so completely that it just seemed natural to be together in all ways. They moved in together almost immediately after meeting, started the relationship part of them quickly after that. There was no getting to know you time, there was no Christian Kane when they were together. There was only Chris and Steve.
It was a little sad how much Christian had missed himself.
He rang the doorbell again and waited for Jared. Maybe he was nervous because he had to wait. Last time he rang the bell and waited for someone to open this door, he was beaten down. Chris decided to keep that memory. He'd call it up whenever he needed to realize someone he hadn't known except peripherally cared about him enough to take care of him for a while.
He wondered now if he hadn't always been half in love with Jared. Seemed likely enough.
Christian knocked on the door, but there was no answer, so he just let himself in. He hadn't wanted to keep the key, but Jared insisted.
"Jay? Hey darlin', you forget about me?" Christian called out into the belly of the house.
He heard the low murmur of the television and headed in the direction of Jared's bedroom. When he got there, he found Jared on his side, curled in on himself. He immediately conjured up the worst.
"Jared? Hey?" Christian gentled his voice and scooted around to crouch in front of Jared. "What's wrong, baby boy?"
When Jared lifted his face, Chris could tell he'd been crying.
"Seriously, Jay, what's the matter?"
Jared made an unintelligible noise and held his hand out to Chris. He didn't need more of an invitation than that and climbed up beside him to tuck Jared close to him. He ran his guitar-calloused fingers over Jared's back and hummed a little barely audibly.
It was long minutes like that before Jared spoke, "Mama called." And Chris could still here the tears threatening.
"Yeah?"
"Nothing bad happened or nothin'. I just. I wanna go home."
They rolled a little, and Jared buried his face in the space between Christian's shoulder and neck.
"Well, go. We'll go. I'll go with you. Been meaning to get back yonder way for a while now. When you wantin' to make this trip?"
Jared didn't look up, just squeezed Chris tighter in thanks.
They both held on to each other until the worst of the storm that threatened to take Jared passed, and he fell asleep, tangled limbs and hair with Christian's own.
**
Jared woke the next morning to the feel of Christian warm beside him. It was a good feeling. Especially after his needless emotional roller coaster night. He didn't have to make that call or tell his mama anything about Chris, but he had wanted to so badly. He'd been bursting with the feeling and wanted to share. She made him feel guilty, then hopeless, then back to loved and over into fantastic all the while guilt-tripping about never going home.
It was more than he was willing to handle after Jensen had left earlier in the day, so he went to take a nap and ended up staying there and feeling depressed and sorry for himself until Christian arrived.
That thought brought him back full circle.
Jared shifted so he could run his thumb over Christian's bottom lip, trace his jaw with a forefinger.
He was waiting, but he wasn't very good with patience. And now Christian had promised to let Jared take him home. He was keeping him; he just had to inform Christian of his plan.
When he shifted to get up and let the dogs out, Christian's arm snaked around him and pulled him back. Jared landed with a smile mostly on Christian's chest. He leaned his head back trying to see his face, but he didn't quite manage.
"Where you goin'?" Christian drawled in a still-sleepy tone.
"Feed the dogs, take a shower, watch CNN. The usual."
"Why is it we only ever fall asleep here fully clothed and after some big event? Tonight when we go to bed, let's try for something different."
Christian's arm slid away as he rolled over, and Jared got up on shaky legs.
So much for waiting...
**
After Chris finally decided he should emerge, Jared was dressed, had been to the store, fixed lunch and was about to go back out to God knew where. He just laughed and made his way to the kitchen for leftovers.
"How do you have this sort of energy, dude? It's ridiculous is what it is. Be fuckin' lazy like the rest of the world."
Jared just shrugged with that cute little boy look and stole Chris's chips.
"So what do you want to do today? You know, since I ruined your date last night and all." Jared asked somewhat sheepishly.
"It wasn't ruined. I still got to spend the night with you. Just change of plans, 's all." Chris grinned lopsidedly at Jared and threw a pickle at him, which the bastard caught in his mouth.
"What?" Jared asked around a mouthful after he noticed Chris staring at him. "I have hidden depths."
"Hate to break this to you, but doing food tricks is not considered a 'depth.'" Chris patted him on the head and deftly got off the couch afterwards as Jared lunged for him. He laughed before he said, "I'm going to shower, steal one of your ugly shirts, then maybe we can talk Texas and go to like, a record store or something. Yeah?"
He didn't wait for a response, just made his way down the hall.
When he came out, Jared was sliding a shirt over his head, and Chris stood in the door to admire. Jared was beautiful. Chris wanted to tell him, wanted to touch him, and when Jared turned and swallowed hard at the sight of mostly wet Chris, he knew that's exactly what he should do.
"You're beautiful," Chris started, in a low, rough voice. He watched Jared flush and back up a little as Christian stalked into the room. "Waiting is hard, Jay. I'm kinda tired of it." He reached out and twisted a hand in the hem of Jared's shirt and tugged. Jared stumbled into him with a questioning look.
Christian nodded and heard Jared practically growl "Oh, thank God" right before Jared's lips crushed into his. This kiss was completely unlike the first two in that this one was heat and need and had a purpose and an ending they both wanted.
Jared pulled Chris in closer and ran giant hands over his back, down his sides, never once letting up the assault on Christian's mouth. Jared was all hot tongue, roaming hands and forceful need driving Chris into a higher frenzy.
He felt Jared push him a little, then his back hit the wall soundly. Jared moved his mouth to tease the skin over Chris's collarbone. Chris let his head rest on the wall and tangled his fingers in Jared's hair. He pulled, and Jared reacted, kissing him again with all the fire from before and a little something else.
Christian felt like drowning.
He hooked his arms around Jared's back to steady himself as Jared ate at his mouth in little nipping bites and licked his way inside to twine his tongue around Christian's.
Jared tasted sweet and so much like life that Christian was drunk on him. When Jared pulled away finally to gnaw at his neck, Chris pushed him back a little to catch his breath.
He looked up to see Jared's eyes had gone a husky shade of almost-blue green, and he grinned slowly.
"Well," he managed.
"I honestly don't see a point in you gettin' dressed, Christian."
Christian swallowed down the groan that the timbre of Jared's voice elicited and shook his head.
"Nah. I'm gettin' dressed. We're leaving outta here and doing normal things, and when we come back?"
Jared raised his eyebrows, then finished for Chris, "When we come back, you are staying."
Christian just smiled wider.
**
Jared got out of the truck and leaned against the side. He watched Christian lazily as he gathered all his things to take back upstairs with him.
"You walking me to the door?" Christian asked around a yawn. They were both tired after all the things they decided to pack into that day. Jared thought a little morosely that it was as if they weren't ever seeing each other again.
"Nah. I'm going to kiss you and say good night here."
Christian smiled his "I know all about you" smile because he really did know all about Jared at this point. Jared didn't want to leave him anymore, that much was obvious to anyone.
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, then. Unless you feel like we need a break?"
Jared stood up a little straighter, "No. I want to see you tomorrow," he answered quickly, tamping down on the flare of panic. When he noticed Chris was mostly kidding, Jared dropped his voice to barely a whisper before adding, "I want to see you everyday."
At that Christian pushed up close to Jared with his day's bounty between them. Jared met him halfway for that kiss before extracting himself and shoving Chris toward the door.
"Get some sleep, cowboy. That? Was technically our third date."
"What're tryin' to say? You should be coming up? You know we ain't ever followed those sorts of rules."
"I'm well aware, but this dating thing was your idea, Christian. And I'm just telling you there is standard protocol."
"Standard protocol? Boy, get your crazy ass outta here and call me tomorrow. But not before noon. I will skin you if you wake me up early again."
"Skin? Promise?"
Jared laughed and Christian's scowl followed him into the truck.
**
"'Lo?"
"Hey." Christian winced at the sound of Jared's sleepy greeting.
"Christian? What the fuck time is it, man?"
Jared still sounded mostly asleep, and Chris felt kind of bad for waking him up for no reason. He swallowed down his new nervousness. Jared wouldn't mind. Chris couldn't sleep; he knew that.
"It's, like, four? I think. I just.. You know, nevermind. Go back to sleep, Jay. I'll see you later."
"No, no, I'm up. What is it, baby? Were you thinkin' again?"
"Um. Yeah. I guess. Just like, you been waitin' and that's awesome. People don't usually do what I ask unless I holler. I don't actually like hollerin', Jay. But why are you waitin'? You never said. And you had Jensen, so I feel like. Like I'm just a really sad, redneck replacement."
Christian slapped a hand over his face. God why had he said that? Sure he'd been thinking it, but dammit all to fucking hell. Here he went again with the overthinking.
He heard Jared shift around in the bed. Chris conjured him up in that big bed by himself, wished he had better sense enough to stay with him.
"You woke me up for this?" Jared sounded tired and a little amused.
"God. I suck."
"A little. Yeah. And I wouldn't even know if it's good or not."
"Oh, jokes. Great, Jay."
"Christian. God. I never had Jensen. Jensen was never mine to have. And if I tell you that I'm kinda in love with you, will you let me go back to sleep?" Jared's last words were slightly muffled, and Chris imagined he pulled the blanket over his head.
"Uh. Well not after that. No."
"Why do you doubt yourself so much?"
"Why do you?" Chris counter a little too defensively.
He heard Jared sigh. Chris rolled over on his side and stared at the hideous wallpaper. He knew why, of course, but trying to explain that to Jared was hard.
"All my life I been a part of something else. It's always been 'Chris and..' I don't quite know what to do without that other person." He let out a shaky breath.
"So what you're saying is you miss Steve and would like to go home." Jared seemed resigned. Chris laughed a little.
"No, sugar. What I'm saying is that I'm figuring out who I am alone and what I don't like is being alone so I want to go home. To you."
He had figured it out somewhere between waking up at three, and Jared saying he was probably in love with him.
"I'll leave the door unlocked." And with that Jared hung up on him.
**
Jared snapped his phone closed and sat up bolt right in the bed. He shook his head a little and remembered what the hell he had just said.
Told Christian I was in love with him? Check.
Told him he could live here? Check.
Jared freaked out some in his head.
He always freaked out better with food, so he went to the kitchen for chips and salsa. On his way back, he did unlock the door, and he curled up on the sofa and waited to see if Christian would, indeed, show up.
He didn't have to wait long because fifteen minutes later, Christian was standing there in the same clothes Jared had left him in earlier that night looking like he hadn't slept at all and hotter than anyone had a right to look that early in the morning.
Christian walked straight in, shut the door behind him and leaned on it, just staring at Jared.
Jared tried smiling but gave up and shrugged.
"So now what?" Christian spoke first.
"Video games?" Jared swallowed. He really had no idea. He was nervous. He hadn't been nervous around Christian before, but this night seemed electrically charged.
"Not now."
"Did you bring your stuff with you? We can unload it?" Jared was grasping. He knew it. Christian knew it.
"I didn't," he answered shaking his head. "Thought we'd. We could go get it all later." Christian ended on a tiny huffing laugh.
Jared laughed a little in return. This was ridiculous. It was Christian.
"Come over here." Jared was smiling for real now as he watched Christian push off the door and cross to him. "Remember the first time you let me hang out with you and Jensen and Steve?"
Christian waited until he was fully entrenched in the circle of Jared's arms before answering, "Not really. I think we were stoned."
"Sounds about right." Jared laughed to himself and drew strange little patterns on Christian's chest. "I wanted so badly for you to like me. I thought, if only Christian liked me, the world could be a bit bigger, Jensen would see that I'm awesome, I'd have crinkly blue eyes following me around the room."
"I liked you, Jay. I've always liked you."
Christian sat up and turned to look at him, just now putting things together. "It's been that long, Jared? Really?"
He just shrugged. He turned toward the television and thought about how long it really was. How long he had to endure everyone else finding things in life they wanted. How long he would wait for things that never quite belonged to him.
"Are you going to think all night?" Christian asked as he put a hand on Jared's face.
"Thinkin' about it." He quirked up one side of his face.
"Well. I'm here now."
"Yeah. Yeah you are." Jared leaned up then and captured Christian's mouth with his own. He ran his hands under Christian's shirt and angled him down farther. Chris buried fingers in Jared's hair and held him while he kissed his lips and his neck and nibbled his ear. Jared groaned and pushed one of his hands past the waistband of Christian's jeans.
When Christian pulled back and made to take off his shirt, Jared asked him breathlessly, "Are you sure? Waitin's over?"
"Oh hell yeah, Jared. Waitin's over."
"Good. Oh God, Christian. Good."
Jared bucked Christian back off of him and stood up, pulling Christian down the hall with him.
He didn't get far before Chris was slamming him into the wall and sucking his neck and worrying the elastic of his pants. Jared laughed a little and stood there taking everything Christian felt like giving until he was really ready to give more back.
He dragged himself away and practically sprinted to his room. Jared sat on the bed and pulled his shirt off, watched Christian do the same as he came to stand in front of him.
Jared reached out, grasped his hips and pulled him closer into the circle of his body. He worked Christian's belt free and undid his zipper. He watched Christian's eyes go blue-black with need.
When Jared finally freed Christian's cock and wrapped a hand around it, Christian's head rolled on his neck, and his breath shuddered.
"Want you so fucking much, Christian. You have no idea." Jared pushed his clothes off the rest of the way, and before Christian could come back to his senses, he leaned in and swirled his tongue around the head of his cock once, twice. Christian moaned, and Jared took him fully into his mouth and worked his tongue around Christian.
Jared was lost in the taste of Christian, in the way Chris grabbed his hair, stuttered out his name. Jared sunk long fingers into Christian's hips, anchoring him to his mouth. His heart was pounding in his head, and he barely registered that Chris was asking him to stop.
He leaned back and looked up. Tried to catch his breath before he said, "What? Why?"
"Want to feel you, Jared."
He didn't need more than that to come up off the bed and reverse their positions, pulling his pants off before he laid down beside Chris.
"Okay. Here we are." Jared couldn't help but smile, and licked his lips when Christian laughed at him.
"Here we are. Your big ass bed. You in it. Naked. This is workin' out pleasantly."
Jared leaned in to kiss the smile off Christian's face causing Chris to curl up into Jared and hold onto him like he was drowning. Jared snaked a hand down between them and wrapped it around Christian again. Chris tore himself from Jared's mouth and threw his head back; Jared couldn't help but latch on to the pulse beating there, marking him when he felt Christian finally touch him.
"So pretty, Christian. All mine." Jared panted and ran his thumb over the head. Chris shuddered and bit down on Jared's shoulder.
"God Jared. I. Fuck. Oh God, baby boy. You are."
Jared licked his way into Christian's ear and felt Christian explode all over his hand. He laughed a little when Chris went slack, dropping his full weight onto him.
Jared just held on, murmuring his name and soft promises he had every intention of keeping.
**
Christian's mouth was dry and his head felt about eighty sizes too big, but he didn't give a good goddamn. It was the best he'd felt in a long time. He gave himself three minutes, before he rolled off Jared and started the slow descent down his long body.
He watched Jared's eyes turn gold around the rim, felt his heart stutter under his tongue as he licked over his chest.
By the time he took as much of Jared into his mouth as he could, Jared was panting his name and squirming under his hands. Chris felt crazy with want and drunk with the power to make Jared fold like this.
He slowly released Jared's cock from his mouth and said in a ragged voice, "I can do this here all night, darlin', but I'd really like you to come for me. I want to taste you, Jay."
And before Jared's whimper died out, Christian was back on him and sucking down the last of Jared's shuddered release.
He made his way back to Jared's gorgeous face and grinned down at him. Jared didn't say anything, just grabbed him and wrapped around him like a vine, and they were both asleep before Christian could say anything else.
When he woke up, it was to a dog licking the bottom of his left foot. He wondered idly if this was how he'd wake up most mornings for the rest of his little while before he put his foot back under the sheet and rolled into Jared's warmth.
**
When Jared woke up, Christian was spread out over him and taking up most of the bed. Jared wondered briefly if Christian took up all the space Jared would give him for the rest of their time together.
He didn't mind. Just tucked Christian closer to him before he heard Christian say, "I knew this bed was made for something other than eatin'."
Jared laughed and moved them around until they were facing each other. He traced the shape of Christian's lips and his eyebrows before snuggling closer in.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself." Christian smiled widely at him.
Jared wanted this every single day, just like this, but he couldn't help but wonder in the back of his mind if it would stay just this perfect.
Christian interrupted his thoughts with, "You're thinking loudly again."
"Can't help it." Jared closed his eyes.
"You gonna feed me this mornin'? Always tryin' to feed me."
"Yeah, I can manage something." He replied without opening his eyes.
He didn't move at all until he felt Christian lay his head on Jared's chest. "I want to be here, Jared. For as long as I possibly can. Okay?"
"Just that easy?" Jared shook his head a little. Why he couldn't just say 'okay' and be done with it, he'll never know.
"Yeah. Just that easy. Because the hard part's over now."
"What was the hard part, Christian?"
Jared licked his lips, and Christian raised up to look at him. He stared at him for a long time before twining their fingers together and answering, "Runnin'. Both of us. Been runnin' too long." Christian glanced around the room, "And it's over now. Stopped here. Together."
Jared nodded. "Yeah. Yeah it's just that easy." He kissed Christian then, pouring everything he was feeling into it, and Christian tightened around Jared, held on like he'd never let go.
Jared would never let him.
"So. Pancakes or waffles?"
Christian laughed loud and bright. Jared was never so thankful for anything in all his life.
"Whatever you want, Jay." Christian's voice dropped low and hoarse, "Whatever you want."
"Got everything I want, I think."
"Yeah. Yeah I'm thinkin' I do, too. And about damn time."