Fic: Life in Death (Leverage AU, Gen, PG-13)
Title: Life in Death
Fandom: Leverage
Characters/Pairing: Gen, Team
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Religious ideas are mentioned and played with.
Word Count: 1718
Disclaimer: I don't own Leverage or the Afterlife.
Notes: Written for au_bingo prompt 'Fantasy & Supernatural: The Afterlife'. I had huge amounts of fun with this one.
Summary: After Life, there's Death, which is actually a lot like Life.
One might be forgiven for being startled upon reaching the Afterlife.
For all the focus given to discourse on the subject, no human was ever truly prepared for the reality that awaited them once they shuffled off the mortal coil.
The giant sign proclaiming ‘JUDGEMENT’ could also be a little disconcerting. Many an Atheist had sworn inventively and thrown a tantrum, while those of the religious inclination tended to have joyful victory dances.
Those usually ended once they read the fine print.
You see, those that reach the Afterlife and expect to find the answers to all of life’s questions, in addition to finally learning the answer of which religion is RIGHT, were inevitably disappointed.
The Afterlife held no answers, only questions. It was, after all, a human realm. Maybe there was One Being who created Everything. Maybe the world did travel on the back of a giant turtle.
The only thing anyone who inhabited the Afterlife was sure of was that it wasn’t a destination - it was a Gateway. It was a Gateway powered by the souls of those who needed it. It was a human construction, run by very flexible democracy.
Having the Afterlife was only practical, really. There had to be somewhere for all those dead people, animals and plants to go once they died. What’s the point of aging, procreating and dying if there wasn’t? Out with the old, in with the new.
The Afterlife was where the old went to become the new - somewhere else.
Of course, managing as many souls as those who ran the Afterlife did, it became far easier to narrow the options down by choosing someplace the Soul believed in. Less fuss, less energy expended. The Afterlife was a very practical establishment.
Congratulations! You don’t believe in God or the Afterlife - You shall go on to live a new life as a Being on Planet Du-Lat! Please note that any complaints or comments should be lodged before you go on to your new life, as once your transfer is processed you cannot return to the Planet Earth Afterlife.
Congratulations! You believe in Heaven and Hell! You shall be judged according to the morals and values you believe in and sent on to a Destination accordingly. Please note that the Decision is final and no appeals will be accepted until 100 Earth Years have passed.
Congratulations! You believe in Reincarnation! You shall be returned to Earth in the form of a Gerbil! Please note that refunds are not possible and your new form is final. Once your new life on Earth ends, you will be processed from the Animals and Other Critters Department of the Afterlife.
Congratulations, You Murdering &/or Raping Scumbag! Go Straight To Fiery Damnation For An Eternity Of Suffering! Do Not Pass Go! Do Not Collect $200! Once your sentence of Eternity is up, your soul will be destroyed to make room for newer, more worthy souls.
The Afterlife was very practical, and despite the large numbers of Souls that had to be pulled, screaming and crying, to their new destinations, very fair.
All of the above stipulations were explained to Souls prior to judgement, so there were no surprises and no hold ups. The Afterlife ran like a practical, well-oiled machine.
The Denizens that made sure it stayed that way, not so much.
***
Robert Tyler was a Believer. He had been raised a Catholic and practiced his faith his entire life. There were things he felt Very Strongly about, and he had been vocal about these issues in his life. Upon reaching the Afterlife, he felt the smug satisfaction of being Right, and not even the helpful Afterlife Denizens pointing out the Fine Print had knocked the look off his face.
The Denizens exchanged looks and sent him to Nate Ford.
Nathan Ford was a Judge. He was one of several that dealt with those religious folk who fell under the ‘Christian’ umbrella. After 2000 years, a Crusade, an Inquisition and too many religious wars too count, he was also thoroughly sick of the lot of them. The Denizens had an unspoken understanding that Nate Ford would only be sent the insufferable ones, since his Heaven/Hell ratios tended to be a bit...skewed.
Down on Earth, little Clarissa Jones would be pleased to know that her recently departed Grandma, a sweet Christian woman who dedicated her life to helping stray cats, and who had been behind Robert Tyler in line, was fast-tracked to a spot in Heaven.
The Denizens had a fondness for cats.
Nate Ford looked up when Robert Tyler approached his desk in the line of Judgement Tellers, and sighed at the expression on his face. Reluctantly, he opened the file and scanned it briefly. “You stole your best friend’s football when you were eight, took the Lord’s name in vain several times, lied countless others. That’s three commandments broken, and according to this...Yes, you value this list highly and referred to it when condemning others many times.”
Robert Tyler’s smug look fell away and he opened his mouth to argue.
Nate Ford interrupted him by slamming the folder closed and giving him a cold look. “Your destination is Hell. My decision is final. You can request an appeal in 100 years time. Go through the door on your left.”
Remaining rooted to the spot, Robert Tyler’s face flushed. “Now, see here, I -”
“Is there a problem here?”
The temperature of the room fell several degrees. Several Souls nearby shivered and looked around warily. Some of the Denizens exchanged cowering looks and dissolved away. Next to Nate’s desk, the Enforcer appeared.
On Earth, a similar role existed in the form of the military. The Enforcer was basically analogous to this, with one clear difference.
There was only one Enforcer.
His name was Eliot Spencer (or it was this century, at least). To those humans who occasionally broke through to the afterlife prematurely and were sent back, or those strange Prophet folk who had the crazy visions, he was occasionally known as Michael. Or, That Dude Who Sent Lucifer To Hell.
(Which was partially true, actually. Only, neither of them were angels, and it was really only a hard shove out of the door. None of the Denizen’s particularly liked the Hell assignment.)
He cocked his head to the side and regarded Robert Tyler with apathy. “Well?”
Robert Tyler paled and quite suddenly looked like he had no problem at all. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence when confronted with the Enforcer. The Denizens actually had a bet running on when, if ever, some poor, fool-hardy Soul actually answered that question with ‘yes’.
“Thought not.” Eliot nodded towards the door to Hell. “Come on, then. I’ll make sure you get to the right place with no more delays.”
Robert Tyler shuffled towards the door, a much more timid man than the one who had first arrived in the Afterlife. This, too, was not uncommon after an encounter with Eliot.
Nate smirked as they walked by his desk. “Give my regards to Lucifer.”
Eliot rolled his eyes. “He really prefers Damien,” he muttered. Robert Tyler slid him a petrified look and increased his pace.
***
After Robert Tyler’s file was sorted, Nate’s day passed much more peacefully. The appearance of the Enforcer had most of the Denizens working quickly and quietly, and not one of them was quite prepared to send another Soul Nate’s way and risk a reappearance. Nate had a disturbing paternal fondness for the Enforcer, and occasionally summoned him just for the Hell of it.
Most of the Denizens found this disturbing not because they had anything against the Enforcer personally (even if they found him intimidating) but because Eliot hated being summoned for nothing, and usually responded by yelling a lot and freezing the room over.
The Denizens didn’t like yelling OR cold.
Just as Nate was contemplating the idea of going on a break, Sophie appeared.
“Good, you’re free.” She tapped her foot against the floor and sent a glare the way of the curious Denizen that drifted closer. Denizens were horrible gossips, and Nate and Sophie’s ‘relationship’ was prime fodder for them. “I need you to do something for me.”
Nate raised an eyebrow and remained unmoved. “Sophie, you’re in Reincarnation. Not my specialty, not my problem.”
Sensing Drama, the Denizens began to peer over more curiously.
Sophie narrowed her eyes. “Alec Hardison is in your division.”
Sensing where this was going, Nate stood and left the Judgement offices, biting back a sigh when Sophie followed. “Look, Sophie, I don’t know what he’s done to annoy you, but talk to the division head. I can’t help.”
“He keeps hacking the human world!” Sophie hissed furiously. “I know you mentored him, and I know he listens to no one else barring you and the Enforcer. It’s getting ridiculous - he’s skewing the numbers with all his ‘jokes’. This year alone the Reincarnation division is up five percent in Souls. We can’t handle those numbers.”
Sophie was the Reincarnation Division Chief. There was no Being better than her at reinventing a person. She did it herself several times a day. No one quite remembered what her original name was - not that it mattered, because neither did she.
“Go to the Enforcer, then.” Nate reached the Judge’s Lounge and entered, heading straight to the bar. “I’m sure Eliot will gladly handle your concern.”
Eliot would be annoyed at being bothered for a prank, and probably find Hardison’s jokes funny to boot.
Actually, In all likelihood he already knew about them anyway, and was turning a blind eye. In Nate’s opinion, that was basically the same as approval, and who was Nate to argue with the Enforcer?
“Nate, we have a problem.”
Turning, Nate and Sophie saw James Sterling, Division Chief of Heaven and Hell Judgements, looking over a file with a grimace.
“What?” Nate tried to sound annoyed instead of grateful for the interruption.
Sterling held up the file. Across it was stamped ‘MISSING SOUL’. “Parker’s stolen another one.”
Nate swore and snatched the file out of Sterling’s hand on his way out the door. “PARKER! I sent that Soul to Hell for a reason!”
From down the hall, a cheerful voice echoed. “But it was so shiny!”
Fandom: Leverage
Characters/Pairing: Gen, Team
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Religious ideas are mentioned and played with.
Word Count: 1718
Disclaimer: I don't own Leverage or the Afterlife.
Notes: Written for au_bingo prompt 'Fantasy & Supernatural: The Afterlife'. I had huge amounts of fun with this one.
Summary: After Life, there's Death, which is actually a lot like Life.
One might be forgiven for being startled upon reaching the Afterlife.
For all the focus given to discourse on the subject, no human was ever truly prepared for the reality that awaited them once they shuffled off the mortal coil.
The giant sign proclaiming ‘JUDGEMENT’ could also be a little disconcerting. Many an Atheist had sworn inventively and thrown a tantrum, while those of the religious inclination tended to have joyful victory dances.
Those usually ended once they read the fine print.
You see, those that reach the Afterlife and expect to find the answers to all of life’s questions, in addition to finally learning the answer of which religion is RIGHT, were inevitably disappointed.
The Afterlife held no answers, only questions. It was, after all, a human realm. Maybe there was One Being who created Everything. Maybe the world did travel on the back of a giant turtle.
The only thing anyone who inhabited the Afterlife was sure of was that it wasn’t a destination - it was a Gateway. It was a Gateway powered by the souls of those who needed it. It was a human construction, run by very flexible democracy.
Having the Afterlife was only practical, really. There had to be somewhere for all those dead people, animals and plants to go once they died. What’s the point of aging, procreating and dying if there wasn’t? Out with the old, in with the new.
The Afterlife was where the old went to become the new - somewhere else.
Of course, managing as many souls as those who ran the Afterlife did, it became far easier to narrow the options down by choosing someplace the Soul believed in. Less fuss, less energy expended. The Afterlife was a very practical establishment.
Congratulations! You don’t believe in God or the Afterlife - You shall go on to live a new life as a Being on Planet Du-Lat! Please note that any complaints or comments should be lodged before you go on to your new life, as once your transfer is processed you cannot return to the Planet Earth Afterlife.
Congratulations! You believe in Heaven and Hell! You shall be judged according to the morals and values you believe in and sent on to a Destination accordingly. Please note that the Decision is final and no appeals will be accepted until 100 Earth Years have passed.
Congratulations! You believe in Reincarnation! You shall be returned to Earth in the form of a Gerbil! Please note that refunds are not possible and your new form is final. Once your new life on Earth ends, you will be processed from the Animals and Other Critters Department of the Afterlife.
Congratulations, You Murdering &/or Raping Scumbag! Go Straight To Fiery Damnation For An Eternity Of Suffering! Do Not Pass Go! Do Not Collect $200! Once your sentence of Eternity is up, your soul will be destroyed to make room for newer, more worthy souls.
The Afterlife was very practical, and despite the large numbers of Souls that had to be pulled, screaming and crying, to their new destinations, very fair.
All of the above stipulations were explained to Souls prior to judgement, so there were no surprises and no hold ups. The Afterlife ran like a practical, well-oiled machine.
The Denizens that made sure it stayed that way, not so much.
***
Robert Tyler was a Believer. He had been raised a Catholic and practiced his faith his entire life. There were things he felt Very Strongly about, and he had been vocal about these issues in his life. Upon reaching the Afterlife, he felt the smug satisfaction of being Right, and not even the helpful Afterlife Denizens pointing out the Fine Print had knocked the look off his face.
The Denizens exchanged looks and sent him to Nate Ford.
Nathan Ford was a Judge. He was one of several that dealt with those religious folk who fell under the ‘Christian’ umbrella. After 2000 years, a Crusade, an Inquisition and too many religious wars too count, he was also thoroughly sick of the lot of them. The Denizens had an unspoken understanding that Nate Ford would only be sent the insufferable ones, since his Heaven/Hell ratios tended to be a bit...skewed.
Down on Earth, little Clarissa Jones would be pleased to know that her recently departed Grandma, a sweet Christian woman who dedicated her life to helping stray cats, and who had been behind Robert Tyler in line, was fast-tracked to a spot in Heaven.
The Denizens had a fondness for cats.
Nate Ford looked up when Robert Tyler approached his desk in the line of Judgement Tellers, and sighed at the expression on his face. Reluctantly, he opened the file and scanned it briefly. “You stole your best friend’s football when you were eight, took the Lord’s name in vain several times, lied countless others. That’s three commandments broken, and according to this...Yes, you value this list highly and referred to it when condemning others many times.”
Robert Tyler’s smug look fell away and he opened his mouth to argue.
Nate Ford interrupted him by slamming the folder closed and giving him a cold look. “Your destination is Hell. My decision is final. You can request an appeal in 100 years time. Go through the door on your left.”
Remaining rooted to the spot, Robert Tyler’s face flushed. “Now, see here, I -”
“Is there a problem here?”
The temperature of the room fell several degrees. Several Souls nearby shivered and looked around warily. Some of the Denizens exchanged cowering looks and dissolved away. Next to Nate’s desk, the Enforcer appeared.
On Earth, a similar role existed in the form of the military. The Enforcer was basically analogous to this, with one clear difference.
There was only one Enforcer.
His name was Eliot Spencer (or it was this century, at least). To those humans who occasionally broke through to the afterlife prematurely and were sent back, or those strange Prophet folk who had the crazy visions, he was occasionally known as Michael. Or, That Dude Who Sent Lucifer To Hell.
(Which was partially true, actually. Only, neither of them were angels, and it was really only a hard shove out of the door. None of the Denizen’s particularly liked the Hell assignment.)
He cocked his head to the side and regarded Robert Tyler with apathy. “Well?”
Robert Tyler paled and quite suddenly looked like he had no problem at all. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence when confronted with the Enforcer. The Denizens actually had a bet running on when, if ever, some poor, fool-hardy Soul actually answered that question with ‘yes’.
“Thought not.” Eliot nodded towards the door to Hell. “Come on, then. I’ll make sure you get to the right place with no more delays.”
Robert Tyler shuffled towards the door, a much more timid man than the one who had first arrived in the Afterlife. This, too, was not uncommon after an encounter with Eliot.
Nate smirked as they walked by his desk. “Give my regards to Lucifer.”
Eliot rolled his eyes. “He really prefers Damien,” he muttered. Robert Tyler slid him a petrified look and increased his pace.
***
After Robert Tyler’s file was sorted, Nate’s day passed much more peacefully. The appearance of the Enforcer had most of the Denizens working quickly and quietly, and not one of them was quite prepared to send another Soul Nate’s way and risk a reappearance. Nate had a disturbing paternal fondness for the Enforcer, and occasionally summoned him just for the Hell of it.
Most of the Denizens found this disturbing not because they had anything against the Enforcer personally (even if they found him intimidating) but because Eliot hated being summoned for nothing, and usually responded by yelling a lot and freezing the room over.
The Denizens didn’t like yelling OR cold.
Just as Nate was contemplating the idea of going on a break, Sophie appeared.
“Good, you’re free.” She tapped her foot against the floor and sent a glare the way of the curious Denizen that drifted closer. Denizens were horrible gossips, and Nate and Sophie’s ‘relationship’ was prime fodder for them. “I need you to do something for me.”
Nate raised an eyebrow and remained unmoved. “Sophie, you’re in Reincarnation. Not my specialty, not my problem.”
Sensing Drama, the Denizens began to peer over more curiously.
Sophie narrowed her eyes. “Alec Hardison is in your division.”
Sensing where this was going, Nate stood and left the Judgement offices, biting back a sigh when Sophie followed. “Look, Sophie, I don’t know what he’s done to annoy you, but talk to the division head. I can’t help.”
“He keeps hacking the human world!” Sophie hissed furiously. “I know you mentored him, and I know he listens to no one else barring you and the Enforcer. It’s getting ridiculous - he’s skewing the numbers with all his ‘jokes’. This year alone the Reincarnation division is up five percent in Souls. We can’t handle those numbers.”
Sophie was the Reincarnation Division Chief. There was no Being better than her at reinventing a person. She did it herself several times a day. No one quite remembered what her original name was - not that it mattered, because neither did she.
“Go to the Enforcer, then.” Nate reached the Judge’s Lounge and entered, heading straight to the bar. “I’m sure Eliot will gladly handle your concern.”
Eliot would be annoyed at being bothered for a prank, and probably find Hardison’s jokes funny to boot.
Actually, In all likelihood he already knew about them anyway, and was turning a blind eye. In Nate’s opinion, that was basically the same as approval, and who was Nate to argue with the Enforcer?
“Nate, we have a problem.”
Turning, Nate and Sophie saw James Sterling, Division Chief of Heaven and Hell Judgements, looking over a file with a grimace.
“What?” Nate tried to sound annoyed instead of grateful for the interruption.
Sterling held up the file. Across it was stamped ‘MISSING SOUL’. “Parker’s stolen another one.”
Nate swore and snatched the file out of Sterling’s hand on his way out the door. “PARKER! I sent that Soul to Hell for a reason!”
From down the hall, a cheerful voice echoed. “But it was so shiny!”