Ficlet: Non-Humans Need Not Apply (Angel AU, Gen, PG)
Title: Non-Humans Need Not Apply
Fandom: Angel: The Series
Characters/Pairing: Gen. Angel, Lindsey, Lorne, Cordelia and Wesley.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 705
Disclaimer: I don't own. Just playing in the sandbox.
Notes: au_bingo prompt - Alternate History: Personal Life of a Character Changed.
Summary: Angel and Company need help. Lorne knows just the person.
Angel liked Lorne well enough, but karaoke bars weren’t his thing. Neither was singing.
That was why coming to Caritas tended to be a last resort. Lorne never seemed to care how much time had gone by since their last visit, so Angel didn’t let it bother him too much.
“Angelcakes! How are you?” Then again, maybe he used the horrible nicknames as a form of revenge.
“Need some help,” Angel said, as Cordelia and Wesley went to get drinks. “We’re in a bit of bind with Wolfram and Hart, hoping you might be able to point us in the right direction.”
“Once again, they are the thorn in your big toe.” Lorne pulled him over to a quieter section of the bar. “How is Lilah doing?”
“She’s an evil bitch.” Angel sighed. “I’m this close to just snapping and eating her. Now they’re trying to take the Hyperion from us.”
“They’ve sent many a indecipherable document,” Cordelia added, appearing next to Angel with a drink that smelled way too fruity to be considered proper alcohol. “Not even Wesley, speaker of dead and demonic languages, can interpret them. Too evil for even you, Wes?”
“I can read them just fine,” Wesley replied, affronted. “I just don’t quite grasp the legal concepts presented within them.”
Cordelia stared at him. “Which is what I just said. You really need to learn English sometime.”
Wesley opened his mouth, but Angel held up a hand to stop that argument before it began. “Don’t. Just leave it. We’re all tense enough already, and I still have to sing.”
They winced.
“Not tonight, sugar.” Angel was a little bit insulted by the worshipful looks Cordelia and Wesley were giving Lorne. His singing wasn’t that bad. Lorne winked. “I think I have your solution right here.”
Lorne turned away, calling over towards the stage, “Lindsey! Sweetie, come here.”
A short guy with a guitar (human, to Angel’s surprise) made his way over. “You know I hate it when you call me that.”
“That’s why I do it.” Lorne pointed to Angel. “Now, Lindsey, this is Angel, he needs your expertise.”
Lindsey rolled his eyes. “That’s funny, what’s his real name?”
Cordelia laughed. “Angel is his real name.”
“You’re kidding.” Lindsey looked between Angel and Cordelia, before shaking his head. “Yeah, well, sorry Lorne, can’t help. I have this policy against helping demons, vampires and other monsters.”
“Lindsey, honey, Angel isn’t a monster, he has a soul,” Lorne protested.
“That’s what you said about the last one you sent me,” Lindsey replied. “Remember him? He’s the reason for my aforementioned policy.”
Lorne grabbed Lindsey’s wrist before he could walk off. “Don’t be silly. Carl was a perfectly nice demon.”
“He tried to pay me in kittens.”
“Clearly, a cultural miscommunication,” Lorne replied. “Angel doesn’t eat kittens,”
Lindsey looked him up and down. “He’s a vampire. I know what he eats.”
“With a soul,” Cordelia interjected. “Vampire with a soul. And Wes and I are human, and we would really appreciate your help. Wait, Lorne, how can he help? You didn’t mention that part.”
“Lindsey here is a lawyer,” Lorne explained, patting Lindsey on the shoulder. “These three are in a bit of a tug of war with Wolfram and Hart, could you maybe help them out?”
“Wolfram and Hart?” Lindsey sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Wow, you guys sure pissed off the wrong people. Fine, I’ll help. But I make no promises. In case you haven’t noticed, that firm is made up entirely of hell-spawn.”
“Trust me, we’ve noticed,” Angel said dryly.
“Well then, let’s go.” Lindsey started for the exit. “Just be warned, if you try to eat me, I drink holy water daily and use it in a moisturizer, and I have no problems staking you dead.”
Angel blinked and followed, bemused.
Cordelia caught up with him and grinned. “I think I might like him. We need someone who can push you around.”
“This is just a one time thing.” Lindsey turned around and glared. “Then I go back to representing humans, and you go back to...whatever it is you do. No repeats.”
“Yeah, that’s what we all say.” Cordelia winked up at Angel. “We’re keeping him.”
Fandom: Angel: The Series
Characters/Pairing: Gen. Angel, Lindsey, Lorne, Cordelia and Wesley.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 705
Disclaimer: I don't own. Just playing in the sandbox.
Notes: au_bingo prompt - Alternate History: Personal Life of a Character Changed.
Summary: Angel and Company need help. Lorne knows just the person.
Angel liked Lorne well enough, but karaoke bars weren’t his thing. Neither was singing.
That was why coming to Caritas tended to be a last resort. Lorne never seemed to care how much time had gone by since their last visit, so Angel didn’t let it bother him too much.
“Angelcakes! How are you?” Then again, maybe he used the horrible nicknames as a form of revenge.
“Need some help,” Angel said, as Cordelia and Wesley went to get drinks. “We’re in a bit of bind with Wolfram and Hart, hoping you might be able to point us in the right direction.”
“Once again, they are the thorn in your big toe.” Lorne pulled him over to a quieter section of the bar. “How is Lilah doing?”
“She’s an evil bitch.” Angel sighed. “I’m this close to just snapping and eating her. Now they’re trying to take the Hyperion from us.”
“They’ve sent many a indecipherable document,” Cordelia added, appearing next to Angel with a drink that smelled way too fruity to be considered proper alcohol. “Not even Wesley, speaker of dead and demonic languages, can interpret them. Too evil for even you, Wes?”
“I can read them just fine,” Wesley replied, affronted. “I just don’t quite grasp the legal concepts presented within them.”
Cordelia stared at him. “Which is what I just said. You really need to learn English sometime.”
Wesley opened his mouth, but Angel held up a hand to stop that argument before it began. “Don’t. Just leave it. We’re all tense enough already, and I still have to sing.”
They winced.
“Not tonight, sugar.” Angel was a little bit insulted by the worshipful looks Cordelia and Wesley were giving Lorne. His singing wasn’t that bad. Lorne winked. “I think I have your solution right here.”
Lorne turned away, calling over towards the stage, “Lindsey! Sweetie, come here.”
A short guy with a guitar (human, to Angel’s surprise) made his way over. “You know I hate it when you call me that.”
“That’s why I do it.” Lorne pointed to Angel. “Now, Lindsey, this is Angel, he needs your expertise.”
Lindsey rolled his eyes. “That’s funny, what’s his real name?”
Cordelia laughed. “Angel is his real name.”
“You’re kidding.” Lindsey looked between Angel and Cordelia, before shaking his head. “Yeah, well, sorry Lorne, can’t help. I have this policy against helping demons, vampires and other monsters.”
“Lindsey, honey, Angel isn’t a monster, he has a soul,” Lorne protested.
“That’s what you said about the last one you sent me,” Lindsey replied. “Remember him? He’s the reason for my aforementioned policy.”
Lorne grabbed Lindsey’s wrist before he could walk off. “Don’t be silly. Carl was a perfectly nice demon.”
“He tried to pay me in kittens.”
“Clearly, a cultural miscommunication,” Lorne replied. “Angel doesn’t eat kittens,”
Lindsey looked him up and down. “He’s a vampire. I know what he eats.”
“With a soul,” Cordelia interjected. “Vampire with a soul. And Wes and I are human, and we would really appreciate your help. Wait, Lorne, how can he help? You didn’t mention that part.”
“Lindsey here is a lawyer,” Lorne explained, patting Lindsey on the shoulder. “These three are in a bit of a tug of war with Wolfram and Hart, could you maybe help them out?”
“Wolfram and Hart?” Lindsey sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Wow, you guys sure pissed off the wrong people. Fine, I’ll help. But I make no promises. In case you haven’t noticed, that firm is made up entirely of hell-spawn.”
“Trust me, we’ve noticed,” Angel said dryly.
“Well then, let’s go.” Lindsey started for the exit. “Just be warned, if you try to eat me, I drink holy water daily and use it in a moisturizer, and I have no problems staking you dead.”
Angel blinked and followed, bemused.
Cordelia caught up with him and grinned. “I think I might like him. We need someone who can push you around.”
“This is just a one time thing.” Lindsey turned around and glared. “Then I go back to representing humans, and you go back to...whatever it is you do. No repeats.”
“Yeah, that’s what we all say.” Cordelia winked up at Angel. “We’re keeping him.”