Ficlet: Wrangling with Legal (Angel AU, Gen, PG)
Title: Wrangling with Legal
Fandom: Angel: the Series
Rating: PG
Word Count: 657
Disclaimer: I don't own. Just having some fun.
Notes: Written for the prompt Other: Police in au_bingo.
Summary: Everyone in Legal hates Angel.
Angel hated getting visits from legal.
Lilah Morgan always made it her personal mission to make the lives of those who worked in the FBI Supernatural Crimes division a living hell. And she always came in person.
He really wanted to know how the hell she managed that, since it wasn’t like there weren’t plenty of other lawyers who could do the dirty work.
“It’s because everyone in Legal hates you,” Cordelia told him. She was sitting at her desk filing her nails and, as always, appeared more a secretary than a Special Agent.
“Not everyone in Legal hates me,” he protested, and then stopped to think about it. “Well, maybe most of them do. But Lindsey doesn’t hate me, why don’t they send Lindsey?”
“Oh honey.” Cordelia shook her head sadly at him. “Lindsey is too high up the food chain to run around down here doing errands like Lilah. And the only reason he doesn’t hate you is because he’s a sadist who takes pleasure in other people’s pain. He thinks it’s funny when you threaten witnesses with bodily harm. That’s why they don’t let him in interrogation anymore.”
Angel was pretty sure that wasn’t true. Surely he would’ve noticed something like that. “Cordy, I don’t threaten witnesses. That would be wrong.”
Cordelia raised an eyebrow. “Sure, sweetie. Pull the other one.”
Their demon specialist chose that moment to rush into the room. Wesley gave them all a quick, panicked look and shoved some of his more obscure books in his desk drawer. “Lilah is on her way,” he explained. “These ones are technically against regulations.”
Angel grinned at Cordy. “I’m not the only one who breaks the rules. Legal doesn’t just hate me.”
“She has a crush on Wes,” Cordelia said, disbelief colouring her words. “How can you not know that?”
“She does?” Angel and Wesley echoed each other. They snapped their mouths shut when Lilah walked into the room, and prepared themselves for another round of wrangling with Legal.
“Good morning all.” Lilah smirked. ‘Let’s get down to business.”
***
“I hate Legal.” Angel moaned piteously and slumped down on his desk.
Gunn, who’d just arrived and therefore missed the drama, gave Cordelia a curious look. “What’s up with him?”
“Another run in with Lilah Morgan.”
“Wow, she really hates you.”
Angel sighed and prodded at his keyboard irritably. “We had a thing. It ended badly.”
“Everyone in Legal hates him,” Wesley added, back from fetching coffee.
Gunn took his and grinned at Angel. “Have you slept with all of them?”
“Ha, ha,” Angel replied dryly. “How did your interview go?”
Gunn shrugged. “So so. Got a couple of names, but they’re probably aliases. Seems that all-girl gang of supernatural vigilantess are led by a couple of girls named Buffy and Faith. Weird ass nicknames if you ask me.”
Angel inhaled his coffee and started to choke. Cordelia cracked up laughing.
Wesley and Gunn regarded them both as if they were insane.
“Buffy’s her real name,” Cordelia said, before dissolving into giggles. “She’s Angel’s ex.”
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” Gunn reclined further in his chair. “Have you slept with everyone?”
“High school sweetheart,” Angel explained once he could breathe again. “It ended badly.”
Gunn rolled his eyes. “Why am I sensing a theme here?”
“I should switch to men,” Angel said musingly.
There was a knock on the door and Lindsey McDonald, the only person in Legal who didn’t want Angel’s head on a stick, poked his head into the room. “Hey, heard Lilah was here earlier about the Robert’s case. I pulled some strings and stole it from her, should have it all tied up in a couple of days. You owe me a beer and...” he trailed off and frowned at the assessing look Angel was giving him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Angel grinned. Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley all jumped to their feet.
“No!”
Fandom: Angel: the Series
Rating: PG
Word Count: 657
Disclaimer: I don't own. Just having some fun.
Notes: Written for the prompt Other: Police in au_bingo.
Summary: Everyone in Legal hates Angel.
Angel hated getting visits from legal.
Lilah Morgan always made it her personal mission to make the lives of those who worked in the FBI Supernatural Crimes division a living hell. And she always came in person.
He really wanted to know how the hell she managed that, since it wasn’t like there weren’t plenty of other lawyers who could do the dirty work.
“It’s because everyone in Legal hates you,” Cordelia told him. She was sitting at her desk filing her nails and, as always, appeared more a secretary than a Special Agent.
“Not everyone in Legal hates me,” he protested, and then stopped to think about it. “Well, maybe most of them do. But Lindsey doesn’t hate me, why don’t they send Lindsey?”
“Oh honey.” Cordelia shook her head sadly at him. “Lindsey is too high up the food chain to run around down here doing errands like Lilah. And the only reason he doesn’t hate you is because he’s a sadist who takes pleasure in other people’s pain. He thinks it’s funny when you threaten witnesses with bodily harm. That’s why they don’t let him in interrogation anymore.”
Angel was pretty sure that wasn’t true. Surely he would’ve noticed something like that. “Cordy, I don’t threaten witnesses. That would be wrong.”
Cordelia raised an eyebrow. “Sure, sweetie. Pull the other one.”
Their demon specialist chose that moment to rush into the room. Wesley gave them all a quick, panicked look and shoved some of his more obscure books in his desk drawer. “Lilah is on her way,” he explained. “These ones are technically against regulations.”
Angel grinned at Cordy. “I’m not the only one who breaks the rules. Legal doesn’t just hate me.”
“She has a crush on Wes,” Cordelia said, disbelief colouring her words. “How can you not know that?”
“She does?” Angel and Wesley echoed each other. They snapped their mouths shut when Lilah walked into the room, and prepared themselves for another round of wrangling with Legal.
“Good morning all.” Lilah smirked. ‘Let’s get down to business.”
***
“I hate Legal.” Angel moaned piteously and slumped down on his desk.
Gunn, who’d just arrived and therefore missed the drama, gave Cordelia a curious look. “What’s up with him?”
“Another run in with Lilah Morgan.”
“Wow, she really hates you.”
Angel sighed and prodded at his keyboard irritably. “We had a thing. It ended badly.”
“Everyone in Legal hates him,” Wesley added, back from fetching coffee.
Gunn took his and grinned at Angel. “Have you slept with all of them?”
“Ha, ha,” Angel replied dryly. “How did your interview go?”
Gunn shrugged. “So so. Got a couple of names, but they’re probably aliases. Seems that all-girl gang of supernatural vigilantess are led by a couple of girls named Buffy and Faith. Weird ass nicknames if you ask me.”
Angel inhaled his coffee and started to choke. Cordelia cracked up laughing.
Wesley and Gunn regarded them both as if they were insane.
“Buffy’s her real name,” Cordelia said, before dissolving into giggles. “She’s Angel’s ex.”
“Oh, you have got to be kidding me.” Gunn reclined further in his chair. “Have you slept with everyone?”
“High school sweetheart,” Angel explained once he could breathe again. “It ended badly.”
Gunn rolled his eyes. “Why am I sensing a theme here?”
“I should switch to men,” Angel said musingly.
There was a knock on the door and Lindsey McDonald, the only person in Legal who didn’t want Angel’s head on a stick, poked his head into the room. “Hey, heard Lilah was here earlier about the Robert’s case. I pulled some strings and stole it from her, should have it all tied up in a couple of days. You owe me a beer and...” he trailed off and frowned at the assessing look Angel was giving him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Angel grinned. Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley all jumped to their feet.
“No!”