Can't Wash It All Away

[felis_fidelus]

Day: 18
Characters: Subaru notafuckingcar, Reeve felis_fidelus
Summary: Blood washes out with some patience. Grief takes a little longer.
DAY/NIGHT & Time: NIGHT; 11:00PM
Status: Closed (open to staff?); Incomplete

Comments

[notafuckingcar]

Breaking. The sound of broken glass, loud in his ears, the edges scraping together, squeaking-- It was just like before. Just like-- No. No, he couldn't slip, couldn't fall of that edge again... He'd only just found his place here, settled in, evened out the frayed ends of sanity the best he could...he had to hold on. Had to...

It was just--this was-- His mind couldn't take it, losing Seishirou again, feeling his heart thrumming against his hand, oh god, his blood--his blood splashing everywhere, all over him... Subaru's hands lifted, shaking madly, and gripped the sides of his face.

Slipping.

Slipping.

The screeching in his mind was nearly enough to obscure the sound of Reeve's voice, speaking his name gently-- Blissfully, something cleared in Subaru's mind and the horrible sound lowered to a murmur, and he glanced up at the other with wide, glassy eyes, unable to stop his trembling.

"R-Reeve-san," he whispered, tears rolling soundlessly down his cheeks. "You...you came."

[felis_fidelus]

"Of course I came." There was a madness behind the young man's eyes, a stark horror that spoke more of what Subaru had seen than did the blood that was splattered all over him. The coppery smell was much stronger in here, making Reeve slightly nauseous; whatever mild euphoria he'd gained from the alcohol was burned away in an instant. Now there was just concern, and a weary sort of resignation. Another had been hurt by this place. Another, torn apart, destroyed by the institution and its secrets.

He knew that it would just get worse from here.

Sighing, he stepped forward, sinking to his knees beside the other. "Subaru," he murmured. There was so much blood around him, still slightly sticky in places. Reeve hesitated, then reached out and wiped the tears away with his thumb, leaving a crimson streak behind on the boy's cheek. To have lost the one person in the world he loved... while Reeve couldn't claim to fully understand it, he knew it was fully capable of breaking a person into tiny irreparable fragments

[notafuckingcar]

Shame pushed past the twisted fucked-up razor wire in Subaru's head. shame that he was at the mercy of his own psyche, weeping and pitiful before the person he'd promised he'd be strong for; it caused another wave of tears to tumble over his blood-streaked cheeks, which were brushed immediately aside. Overwhelmed, Subaru wanted nothing more than to bury himself against Reeve's chest and hope to shrivel away, but enough of his common sense remained to dictate that it wouldn't be prudent to do so.

He tore his eyes away from the other at last, and stared down at his own body, which was soaked thoroughly in the blood of the man he loved. Laughing shakily, he plucked at his shirt, trembling so violently that the fabric slipped from his fingers more than once.

"His blood," he said miserably, shaking his head. "Last time, when I'd killed him before... I didn't want to wash it off. Now I just want it to go away. I want--I want it all to go away."

[felis_fidelus]

After a moment of watching Subaru try to grasp his blood-slick shirt and fail, Reeve reached out and took the smaller man's hand in his own. It was hard to ignore the feel of old, drying blood. He had to be getting cold, now, drenched and without warmth in this bleak, dark cell, with nothing but memory to wrap himself in.

"Come on, then," Reeve said, tugging gently at him. "Get up. It won't go away just sitting here." The thought of going into the showers with someone honestly made his skin want to crawl, but there was no use for it-- there was no alternative. He managed to hide it well, though, just keeping his face in that neutral, worried frown. There was something heartbreaking about seeing Subaru brought this low. Perhaps because of how far he had come since the beginning; this was like pressing the reset button. "The showers. I'll help you clean up."

[notafuckingcar]

The comfortable warmth that seemed to surround Subaru whenever Reeve was with him was nearly enough to push the horror and grief away, and he grasped the other's hand firmly, allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. He stumbled slightly, falling against his friend with a sharp gasp, a lingering sob escaping his throat. In a different time he would pull back, blush, stammer his apologies, but--the screeching sound wouldn't go away, and now that he was pressed against Reeve's chest he didn't seem to want to pull away, no--he wanted to stay there forever, blocking out everything else, erasing it, erasing himself...

"Don't leave," he whispered in a low, terrified voice--it was irrational, completely out of the blue, really, but he needed to say it, had to make sure... He heard Reeve mutter something about the showers, and nodded blankly, fists still tightly knotted in the other man's shirt, just needing--needing an anchor, something to keep him from slipping off the edge again.