There're some really awesome descriptions in here. This seems like a character study through his functions at the store. I like that. It's hopeless in a way until the end, and you think the kid has a way out.
I think I'd like to see punchier sentences. Does that make sense? It's something I need to work on too. Like this one: Stepping back from his handiwork, Tim bowed his head in silent benediction. Is a great example of what I mean by a punchy sentence. That does a lot without many words. Not that things need to be shorter, but I just love sentenes like this so much I always want to see more of them. I think they make a piece flow.
Comments 1
I think I'd like to see punchier sentences. Does that make sense? It's something I need to work on too. Like this one: Stepping back from his handiwork, Tim bowed his head in silent benediction. Is a great example of what I mean by a punchy sentence. That does a lot without many words. Not that things need to be shorter, but I just love sentenes like this so much I always want to see more of them. I think they make a piece flow.
Reply
Leave a comment