Theme 48. Understand- Basch, Penelo
Title: Within A Moment
Theme/Prompt: 48. Understand
Fandom: Final Fantasy XII
Character(s)/ Pairing(s): Basch, Penelo
Rating: G
Summary: “It was nothing really. I was just admiring the sand sea. It’s not every day you get to see something like it.”
Sand raced between her fingers, roughening the edges of skin of which it slid around in an odd caress. ( Read more... )
Comments 2
This short piece paints a very detailed picture of a simple little moment --- very "Within a Moment," as the title implies! I like how Basch's calm nature and appreciation for simple things is contrasted with Penelo's experiences of people being more restless. The section in the 6th paragraph starting with "In Rabanastre..." and running to the end of that paragraph was so illustrative this contrast and provides a lot of insight into Basch.
A few little edits I caught --- hope you don't mind an impromptu beta dropping in:
Basch nodded with a simple "Hn." <-- comma not needed in this case.
In Rabanastre, the faces of people were either ... <-- faces should be plural and where should be were.
Like gravel, rough but .... his voice soothed away <-- this is a difficult metaphor because it compares gravel and roughness to soothing qualities, which makes my brain bump. Perhaps adding a contrast word like "yet" or "although" somewhere in there makes it ( ... )
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Thank you so much for reading through this and catching all my mistakes. It's always appreciated.
I'm glad you liked this though. I struggled to make it something enjoyable, but I guess it turned out alright.
Thanks again!
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