How deep the bullet lies - Chapter 7/7 + Epilogue

May 09, 2011 22:30

Characters: Quinn, Santana, Brittany
Pairing:  Santana/Brittany
Rating: PG-13
Words: ~2560
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. 
Summary: After the disasterous night on the beach Quinn tries to set things right.
A/N: This chapter has not been beta-read. I apologise for any mistakes. 
- Please comment.

chapter 1  chapter 2  chapter3  chapter 4  chapter 5  chapter 6

Quinn was woken up by the sound of glass smashing. She sat up in bed and looked at the clock. 03:14.

“What the fuck?” she thought and sleepily stood up. She wrapped her dressing gown around her body and went downstairs.

Santana was sitting on the floor in the living room. A wineglass lay shattered next to her as well as a small puddle of red wine.

“S.. Sorry Q. Didn’t mean to wake you up”, Santana said quite obviously three sheets to the wind. She looked as broken as the wineglass on the floor. Her hair was a mess and her shirt stained and sandy.

“What the hell happened S?” Quinn felt a pang of worry. “Did Brittany go home?”

“I haven’t got the slightest idea. She might have gone to the moon as far as I know. As far as I’ll ever know. Sorry about the glass. I’ll get us a new one tomorrow.” Her head slumped forwards.

“Never mind the glass. What happened? Talk to me Santana!”

“Our little reunion didn’t go so well. I fucked up. I knew I’d fuck up.”  Santana smiled mirthlessly. “I kinda tend to. Be a darling and give us a new glass, will you Q?”

“Honey, I think you’ve had enough.” Quinn sat down opposite to Santana.

“I fucked her on the beach Q. It was the lousiest thing I’ve ever done. She wanted it but I shouldn’t have. I should have talked to her but I couldn’t. So I fucked her instead.” Santana shrugged.

“San, you’re not making sense.” Quinn felt intensely uneasy. Something was obviously very wrong.

“She said she loves me. And she wants me to love her back and I do but I couldn’t tell her. She knows but I couldn’t say it. I think she still wanted me back. Can you believe it?” She exhaled loudly.

“But look at me Q. This mess of a person is nothing to build a relationship with. She deserves someone who is good for her. Not me. Not this.” She made a swooping hand gesture along her body.

“But you ended up having sex?”

“She wanted me to touch her so she could remember what I feel like.” A tear fell from Santana’s eye and Quinn felt like crying herself.  She closed her eyes and felt her heart breaking for her friend

“San, you should go to bed. Let me tuck you in and we’ll talk more in the morning. I’m going to call you in sick tomorrow.” Quinn rose to her feet.

“But I have surgery tomorrow! I have to go to work.”

“You are going to feel like shit tomorrow and you won’t be in any state to go anywhere near your patients. And I don’t want you to show up at the hospital smelling like a distillery. I’m going to take a personal day and we are going to talk. Now, get upstairs.” Quinn took Santana’s outstretched hand and gently dragged her to her feet.

As Santana staggered upstairs Quinn went to the cleaning closet to fetch a bucket. She had an uncomfortable feeling Santana was going to need it during the night.

* * *

The late morning sun shone in through the large glass balcony doors. Quinn had opened them slightly to let some fresh air in. Santana had managed to drag herself out of bed an hour earlier but had crashed again on the couch.

Quinn put a glass of water on the coffee table and held out an Advil in the palm of her hand.

“Here. Try to keep this one down.”

The sad figure lying on the couch swallowed hard and raised her upper body so she could reach the glass. She washed the pill down with a mouthful of water.

“Q, would you please just shoot me?” she croaked pitifully.

“I’m considering it”, Quinn retorted dryly.

Quinn left the room and went to their office upstairs. She dialed Brittany’s number. She had to find out what the hell had happened. It was eleven o’clock and she still hadn’t managed to get any sense out of Santana.

“Hey B, it’s Quinn.”

“Hi Quinn. Thanks for dinner last night. It was lovely.” Brittany sounded subdued. “Sorry I left without saying goodbye to you.”

“Never mind me. I need to talk to you. Can we have lunch?”

There was a long pause.

“I don’t know Q. I guess you want to talk about last night but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. Me and Santana kinda agreed to go our separate ways forever this time and there isn’t a lot more to say.” There was so much sorrow in Brittany’s voice.

“But I don’t understand. You both looked so happy when you saw each other last night. Why are you not going to see each other again?”

“Because… Because Santana…  Honestly Q, she has to explain that to you because I don’t think I can.”

“She loves you, you know”, Quinn said gently.

“Yeah. I know.” Quinn knew Brittany was smiling sadly at the other end.

“Have lunch with me please B. I have a hard time wrapping my head around this one. There has to be a way to work things out. Quite frankly I’m worried sick about her. You should have seen the state she was in last night.”

“I did see the state she was in last night Q. It nearly killed me.” Brittany whispered the last sentence. She couldn’t bear going into more detail.

“Listen, just meet me for lunch. Santana is still not quite communicable yet anyway. She drank herself silly after she got back to the house.”

Reluctantly Brittany agreed to meet up at noon in downtown coffee shop.

* * *

Brittany took a sip on her mineral water. She had hardly touched her salad and was far from the chatty dinner guest Quinn had seen the night before.

“So I’m beginning to think she might be right. She’s too messed up to be with anyone”, Brittany said.

“I won’t accept that”, Quinn said resolutely. “It’s nothing against you but I care too much about her to accept that. She’s such a good person really, B. You should see her with her patients.  She’s the most caring doctor in the world with those kids. And she’s such a fiercely loyal friend.”

“I know that Q. Well, not that about her patients, but I know how caring she can be. That’s part of why I love her. But I don’t think she loves herself.”

“Yeah. I was kind of hoping you could teach her how to.” Quinn sighed and sank into thought.

“Come back to the house with me B. Come talk to her. I promise I’ll never ask anything else of you. Please Brittany.”

They held each other’s gaze for a long time, Quinn trying to work out what went on behind those blue eyes.

“Quinn, I behaved like a selfish pit fiend last night”, Brittany suddenly blurted out. “What I asked of her was despicable but I couldn’t help myself. I knew it would hurt her but I put myself first. I can’t face her today.” Brittany stared down into her uneaten lettuce.

“This is playing out in stereo”, Quinn muttered to herself. “I get it. You both did things you’re not proud of but there has to be a way to get past this. That salad is apparently not going to get eaten so we might as well go.” Quinn rose from her seat while Brittany stared at her. Q had obviously gone right back into I-rule-the-school-mode.

Brittany convinced herself to stop thinking at all and just surrender to Quinn’s plan, hoping there was one.

* * *

Quinn gingerly opened the door, hoping Santana was done vomiting and possibly even dressed. She found the balcony doors open and her housemate sleeping on the couch out on the deck. The two women watched Santana’s relaxed sleeping face. It was completely free of make-up and her hair was tied back in a loose pony tail. She wore shorts and a t-shirt and her feet were bare. She looked so small on the oversized couch.

To Quinn’s surprise Brittany slipped off her shoes.  Quietly and carefully she agilely climbed onto the couch from the side and gently eased herself down behind Santana. She put an arm around her waist and slowly stroked her hair.

With a lump in her throat Quinn went back inside. This was not for her eyes to see.

* * *

She had a beautiful dream. She dreamed she was lying outside with a gentle breeze blowing and the familiar sound of the ocean played in the background. Someone was stroking her hair, whispering loving words in her ear. The heat of their bodies created a slight stickiness along her back. She felt so safe, protected from the world. It was the most comfortable feeling. What a wonderful dream.

Santana opened an eye and froze. There was really an arm wrapped around her and it was much longer than Quinn’s. The large silver ring the hand was wearing, wasn’t Quinn’s. The body she felt pressed against her wasn’t Quinn’s but wait, her body knew this body. ‘Oh holy mother of God!’

Brittany felt Santana stirring. She placed a soft gentle kiss on Santana’s head and just lay there, stroking her hand with her index finger.

Neither of them moved nor spoke. Santana knew Brittany had felt her waking up. She allowed herself the luxury of emptying her mind and not think for a moment. She surrendered to the moment and just relaxed, enjoying the feeling of Brittany’s body next to hers. She felt too physically and mentally drained to do anything else.

Quinn returned to the deck an hour later and found them in the same position. She turned on her heel and went back inside to continue reviewing her case.

“Hang over any better yet?” Brittany asked softly.

“Not feeling too bad at all actually. A little hungry even”, Santana replied in a calm voice, still not moving.

“How about I make you something to eat? I’ll raid your kitchen.”

“I don’t want us to move. I like it here”, Santana replied evenly.

“Is this real or have I finally lost the plot altogether?”  Santana wondered to herself.

They both knew that eventually they had to look at each other, afraid of what their own eyes would reveal. But Brittany had to know what Santana was thinking and feeling and her eyes had always been more expressive than her words when it came to showing emotions.

“Turn around San”, she whispered. “Let me look at you.”

Santana shook her head. “Nope.”

“Please Santana.”

Reluctantly Santana wriggled her body around and lay facing Brittany. She watched the blonde with a slightly guarded look in her eyes.

“Hi!” Brittany said and smiled.

They kissed. Neither of them knew who leaned in first. Suddenly their lips met and they kissed tenderly. Not like the night before when it was all desperation, frustration and hurt. These were loving kisses. They kissed the way lovers kiss. There was no hurry, only enjoyment in the moment.

“Last night was fucking awful”, Brittany said without looking at Santana.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Santana was suddenly on guard again.

“I don’t either but now I know you still love me.”

Santana held her as close as possible.

“Yeah”, she sighed. “It’s always been you and you only. I’d like to rephrase what I said last night but it’s still true, I have nothing to offer you Britt.”

“Not true. Free medical consults aside, you have everything I want. Everything I need. You are what I want and need. ”

“Well. Ta-daaa! Here I am!” Santana said sarcastically. “No, seriously Britt, I am pretty god damned fucked up.” She paused. “But I’m too fucking wary to think about what it means that we’re here like this now. Lying here with you is... It’s like..  All I know is that I feel love and I feel loved. And I haven’t felt this way in a very very long time. I’m doing my best not to overanalyse.“

Brittany looked at Santana. Her eyes scrutinised every part of her face like she was searching for something.

“Do you want me Santana?” she said at last. “And do you want me in your life?”

“Yes”, Santana replied slowly but without hesitation.

“Then, here I am.”

They kissed again. Slowly at first but soon desire built up in both of them and their kissing got more heated.

At that point Quinn stepped out on the deck again. She blushed a little when she realised Santana was actually lying on top of Brittany.

“Looks like you’re on top of things again S.” Santana looked up and saw Quinn smirking.

“Brittany, this is Quinn. She’s my housemate but frequently has herself confused with my mother. Quinn, this is Brittany”, Santana said, returning Quinn’s smirk.

Slowly Santana got up off Brittany and she stood up. Brittany followed. She looked at her watch.

“I have to go to work. San... Come to the theatre on Thursday as usual but this time, find me afterwards. Ok?”

“I’ll be in touch.” Santana looked Brittany in the eyes. Brittany knew this was the best Santana could do. She wasn’t going to ask for more. Santana gave her a quick apologetic smile.

Brittany gave Quinn a light hug and a kiss on the cheek and showed herself out.  They heard the front door close behind her.

“Are you going to see her again?” Quinn looked at Santana with a serious searching gaze. She knew her friend’s instincts told her to run.

Santana thought for a moment.

“You know what Q? It may be a long shot but I reckon it’s the only shot I have left. Yeah, I’m going to see her again. I don’t know what will come of it but I think I have to find out.” She gave a small half-sad smile.  Quinn took her hand and squeezed it companionably.

“Eat in or at Ben’s?”

“Haven’t got the energy to get myself into a presentable state. I’ll cook. What would you like?”

* * *

Epilogue

Santana fell back on the bed. A fine sheen of sweat glistened on her tan skin. She was still breathing hard.

“God woman, are you trying to kill me?” she panted.

Brittany smiled smugly and kissed Santana on the nose before standing up.

“It’s seven thirty. You’d better get up doctor or you’ll be late for work.” She winked and wrapped a robe around her naked body as she left the bedroom.

Santana lay in bed perfectly content. She had no wish what so ever to get up and go to the hospital. She could hear Brittany and Quinn talk out in the hall.

“… of course you should bring him home. We’ll behave Q. I promise. “

Santana couldn’t quite make out Quinn’s reply.

“Ok ok, I’ll have S come to the theatre after work. We won’t be home until midnight. Good luck Q!”

Santana heard Quinn run down the stairs and a little later front door closed.

She glanced at the clock. If she hurried she had time for a quick morning swim in the ocean. She could handle being a few minutes late for work.

* * * * * * * *

A/N: Thanks for sticking with the story! I hope you enjoyed it.

glee, santana/brittany, fic

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