Remember that time when Cara Desecrated Kahlan?
UNF I swear, this episode just about damn near killed me!!
It took forever to cap, and an eternity to just get started! All I could think about was
Hot!Sweaty!Fight!Sex
It was like the best episode of anything.. ever, in the history of forever!
Which is why we NEED a Season 3
and we NEED the lovely super awesome Vanessa Cater to portray Rikka!!!!!
WARNING..
since this is a DESECRATED CrackPicSpam, you will need to have one or more of the following:
1: bucket of ice
2: partner to help you get off
3: your own hands FREE from holding anything.. (toys are the exception)
Oh, yeah,
THIS WILL BREAK YOUR INTERNET.. AND MELT YOUR LIBIDO INTO A HOT PILE OF LAVA for which you will take days to recover BUT YOU WILL BE BACK FOR MOAR!
So, somewhere in this episode there is plot..and it's hidden under Kahlan's skirt. Cara/Kahlan/Zedd are planning a surprise birthday party for Richard that involves a magician, Cara & Kahlan getting locked in a tomb, and a Mummy getting unleashed..wait, what? I'm not really sure why because I was busy having a party of my own in my pants.
Anyway, we start out with Cara cooking.. well, attempting to make a stew. I think she cooks as well as me.
At least she attempts it. I, do not.
CARA: "It's a good thing Mord'Sith are used to torture, because that's exactly what eating this stew will be."
KAHLAN: Richard Come quick, this is the only time Cara and I can distract you for Sexytiemz gars are attacking Zedd!!
LOL @ Richard
CARA: Let's just get this over with
***HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!***
RICHARD (to Cara): "Were you in on this too!??"
CARA: ..only because Kahlan promised I get to be the big spoon tonight.
ZEDD: Fancy a Dance Cara?
CARA: ..Do you want to feel the wrath of my Agiel, Wizard?
And now kids, let's all get ready for the magic show!!!
(gif by reallyally )
(zOMG Cara's Knee Slap!! That's how I clap too!!!!! <3 her!!!)
CARA: Fucking bored. Maybe I should run up and put my Agiel's through magic man's eyes..or ears.. Kahlan owes me big time for putting up with this shit
MAGIC MAN: I'll need a volunteer. You my dear?
CARA: Oh HELL NO!
KAHLAN: Cara, remember our agreement? If you do this for me, I'll let you do more than be the big spoon..
CARA: ..We better be sporking tonight..
(gif by reallyally )
CARA: I hate you SFM..
awww, the things Cara does for her girlfriend
(gif by shipperfey )
CARA: I'm. Gonna. Put. An. Agiel. Through. Your Eye.
MAGIC MAN: "I can only hope the mord sith will not turn her magic against me.."
CARA: Fuck Off AND DIE Dickwad!!!
CARA: I will NOT put my Agiel through his eye.. I will NOT put my Agiel through his eye..
MAGIC MAN: "I'll need another volunteer"
KAHLAN: ooh, ooh, PICK ME! PICK ME!! PICK ME!!!
CARA: *admiring Kahlan's.. assets ;) *
MAGIC MAN: Now if you ladies could step into these boxes..
CARA: SUCK IT, Dickwad
MAGIC MAN: ***ABRA-CADABRA*** ...I have transported the Mord-Sith and Mother Confessor to their own private Tomb. They cannot be found until all of their unresolved sexual tension is released. But do not worry!! There is a live webcam streaming 24/7 for your viewing pleasure!
Happy Birthday Seeker! *PooF*
KAHLAN: We're trapped
CARA: Kahlan, look what I found
OMG I love the way she says Kahlan's name!! HOT!
KAHLAN: An hourglass.. and a note
CARA: "What does it say?"
KAHLAN: You have one day to learn and practice the Midlands Kama Sutra. When the sands run out, so does your air.
KAHLAN: ..how will they know what we're practicing?
CARA: Who Cares? We've got a lot of 'work' ahead of us. You were right.. This party's lots of fun.
KAHLAN: We have to do WHAT!!??!??
CARA: *warming up the Sex!Muscles*
Cara doesn't carry daggers with her because she has more fun groping them off of her Girlfriends Thigh!!!
Circular ..Motions ;)
KAHLAN: Cara, it says here that we should... spank each other.
CARA: Oh Kahlan, I've been waiting to hear those words spill out of your mouth
Kahlan wants it bad, but won't admit it
KAHLAN: Cara, I don't see how spanking will help us get out of this tomb
CARA: Oh, it'll help us.. you'll see
KAHLAN: But How, Cara?
CARA: Come over here and let me bend you over my knee.. I'll show you how ;)
Oh Yeah... there's Plot somewhere.. I think.
Zedd just unleashed A FRAKKIN' MUMMY!!
..but, no one really cares
SO NOW BACK TO THE REAL STORY!
CARA: Kahlan, this is pointless. Screw the damn book. We just need to go down on each other.
KAHLAN: Fine, but not until we put out these torches. They're consuming too much of our air..
CARA: *grumbles* "Then we'll have to find a way to snuff them out."
KAHLAN: "I can almost reach it. Stand on your toes."
CARA: "I AM."
CARA: I told you, you should have taken off your skirt and used that instead.
(gif by fivewhatfive )
CARA: *wants to ravish Kahlan*
KAHLAN: *wants Cara to ravish her*
BUT NEVER FEAR!!! deej has come through for us
WITH THIS!!!!
UNF..
BRB ..
multiple orgasms
IN MY PANTS
AGAIN..
askljwpe;oaiwfang...
CARA: "The air is getting thinner."
KAHLAN: The more energy we expend, the more air we use up. This is all just a trick. Someone wants us both dead... You need to kill me.
CARA: "Has the lack of air driven you mad?"
KAHLAN: "It could give Richard the time he needs to find us and when he does you
can give me the breath of life."
CARA: "As tempting as the offer to kill you may be.. Richard would never forgive me if I let you die."
KAHLAN: "But I'd only be dead a short time, and then you could bring me back."
CARA: "It's too big a risk. We don't know how long it's gonna take Richard to find us. But there is another way.."
CARA: "I'll die instead."
(oh noes.. there it goes again.. TABS YOU ARE PULLING MY HEART STRINGS TOO TIGHT!!)
KAHLAN: "I can't bring you back."
CARA: "But you can live."
KAHLAN: " Cara, no. If you die your death would be final."
CARA: "Better one of than both of us."
CARA: "You were right."
KAHLAN: "About what?"
CARA: "You once told me that its a hard world. And that we don't get many chances to tell people how much they mean to us. Theres no one a Mord'Sith should hate more.. than a confessor. I was trained to hate you.. but I don't. And I don't want to die without you knowing.. "
CARA: That I love you.
KAHLAN: I love you too Cara.
(gif by reallyally )
This makes me want to have a S/O right now.. damn you show!!
KAHLAN: "We're going to get out of here." Richard's coming for us. He knows he can't leave the two of us together.. alone.. in a hot, sweaty tomb. "He just needs a little more time."
CARA: "I know.. and I'm gonna to make sure he gets it."
KAHLAN: "Cara NO."
CARA: "Get out of my way."
KAHLAN: "No."
CARA: No one says no to a Mord'Sith
(gif by reallyally )
*Love Punches*
*BOOB GRAB*
Fight!Sex ...is making me so damn horny...
Kahlan is enjoying what you're doing Cara
Cara IS RAMMING KAHLAN!!! ..let's think about that for a second.. or two.. or..
(gif by xohbee)
UNF! MY NETHER REGIONS ARE ALL TINGLY.. and moist.. and..
CARA: I'm hot sex on a stick.. So lick me bitch!
(gif by xohbee)
CARA: Was it as good for you as it was for me?
CARA: "Stop pretending.. my life, means as much as yours."
(gif by xohbee)
Cara Wins!
Cara.. gettin' a little "release'" from Kahlan down below ;)
And then Cara returning the favor, giving Kahlan some "release" ;)
Oh, it looks like these two wore themselves out. This is how every good evening should end ;)
(gif by reallyally )
KAHLAN: "There's.. no air left."
RICHARD: "Kahlan.. Cara, you all right?"
KAHLAN: RIchard, we're all right. We had the most AMAAAZING time in here.
CARA: STEP OFF or I'll put an Agiel through your eye. The Mother Confessor is the only one allowed to touch me.
And now.. umm.. oh yeah.. black to the plot..
Which is somewhere around here..
Ahhh, here it is. Zedd has now turned into a Mummy, and Cara has to save him..
Will Fuck Your Shit Up!
RICHARD: Cara, I need you to Agiel Zedd, but DO NOT KILL HIM.
O M G CARA... U N F . . .
Oh Cara, I love your tongue.. work it! ;)
UNF.. There are not enough ice cubes and cold showers in the world..
Cara brought Zedd back.. though he still looks like a Mummy..
For you stehfee <3
KAHLAN: You were wrong before.. back in the tomb. Your life is just as important as mine is. If it weren't for you we wouldn't have been able to free Zedd from the Mummy.
CARA: About what we did back in the tomb..
KAHLAN: The Spanking or the Fight!Sex?
CARA: Both..
KAHLAN: "It really meant a lot to me."
CARA: Well.. we should do it again.. sometime.
KAHLAN: Oh Cara.. I Love You BB *blushes*
KAHLAN: "I'm sorry you didn't get a night of fun on your Birthday."
RICHARD: Oh, but I did.. I got to watch ;)
KAHLAN: But how did you?
RICHARD: Hidden. WebCam ;)
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