New fic: They keep sending them in (SPN/SGA, Gen, PG)
If no one locks me in a padded cell after this, then I'm probably safe from ever being called mad. I watched my second season 2 SPN episode the other night (the one with the clown) and I suddenly remembered another character with an aversion to clowns. A clown!crack!fic! crossover ensued and rinkle was mad enough kind enough to beta the madness, correcting all my lack of SPN knowledge. This is just pure crack, nothing more nothing less!
Title: They keep sending them in
Author: starrylizard
Fandom: Supernatural/Stargate Atlantis crossover
Rating: Gen, PG, crack!fic, scary clowns
Summary: Atlantis is having a little supernatural clown trouble
Author notes: Complete and utter crack. Beta by rinkle
“The Daedalus has just moved into orbit,” Chuck announced, pulling Weir out of her reverie.
“Hail them, please.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Colonel Caldwell, we’re glad to see you.” Weir smiled, but her face was looking drawn. They really needed to get this situation under control soon.
“Likewise, Dr Weir. We’ve brought the help you wanted on board.” Caldwell sounded doubtful. “We’ll beam them down now.”
“Thank you, Colonel.”
There was a flash of light in the gate room as two men were beamed in. Brown hair, green eyes, well-built; Weir gave them good-looking, but two men weren’t exactly her idea of sending in the cavalry.
“Just two, Colonel?”
“Just two, Doctor. The SGC claims they are experts in the matter.”
Elizabeth started out down the stairs to the gate room floor, a large welcoming smile plastered on her face as she approached the men. Sheppard beat her to them though, shaking the shorter-haired man’s hand firmly and introducing himself.
“Colonel John Sheppard. We’re glad to see you. Hopefully you can clear this situation up for us.”
“Dean Winchester, and this is my brother, Sam. I hear there’s some hunting to be had.”
Weir had paused to watch, just holding back on the grin that threatened at the sight that Sheppard and Dean made together. Their slouching comfortable-looking stances belied the tight hand shake and the stare down as they summed each other up in the typical fashion of male posturing. Sam didn’t look too impressed with either of them, instead taking in the gate room with wide thoughtful eyes.
Eventually the two men backed down, nodding as if something had been worked out between them and matching grins broke out on their faces.
“So what’s the problem? Everything’s been classified. Drag us out on a damn spaceship to another galaxy to hunt something and…” Dean paused. “You know there’s an alien on that ship?” He winced. “A little grey naked alien.”
Sheppard winced in sympathy. “Yup.”
Elizabeth finally approached, nodding, hands behind her back. “As Colonel Sheppard said, we’re very pleased to have you here. Please come through to my office and we’ll debrief you.”
OoooO
“Clowns?” Sam stared at a very uncomfortable-looking Sheppard in disbelief. “You brought us here to fend off clowns? Why is it always clowns?” The guy looked about ready to thunk his head onto the surface of the table.
“We were told that you had experience in these kinds of things,” Weir stated, diplomatically ignoring the thunk that his head made as it hit the table.
Dean smiled mischievously across at his brother. “Sammy loves clown, don’t you Sammy?”
OoooO
Sheppard led the way, P90 at the ready. “We had it trapped in here last time. Bullets don’t seem to do much to it though.”
Sam and Dean nodded, grinning at each other briefly, high on the rush of a hunt that just happened to be in another galaxy. Ronon and Teyla followed behind them.
“I still do not understand. I was led to believe that clowns were people dressed in costume to entertain small children. Why, then, is this one so dangerous?” Teyla’s brows furrowed.
Dean turned around to answer and ogle the Pegasus native. “Many spirits and demons take on the form of something apparently harmless in order to do their thing.”
“To do their thing?” Teyla raised an eyebrow.
“Look, let’s kill this thing and you can explain it later.” Sheppard turned around, tongue flicking out across his top lip, getting ready to swipe his hand across the door control.
Dean had seen the man wipe the sweat from his hands several times; though the Colonel hid his nerves well, this thing obviously scared him.
OoooO
Sure enough, the ugly-looking clown with sharp teeth had appeared immediately. It was just as Sheppard had described, and, though it was hit with shotguns, P90 fire and stunner blasts, the thing had just kept moving forward. Eventually they’d retreated and resealed the door.
Dean had helpfully offered to carry Teyla’s weapon back for her, but Teyla had respectfully declined, an amused look on her face.
“You know, she could snap your neck without breaking a sweat,” Sheppard murmured under his breath.
“Yeah, but it would be worth it,” Dean shot back. Sam snorted and his brother punched him in the arm.
Back in Weir’s office, they sat down to debrief and regroup. McKay and Weir joined them.
“So, now that you’ve seen it, what do you make of it?” Sheppard sprawled back in his chair, one arm hooked over the backrest, the other tapping at his chin.
Dean had copied Ronon’s lead and flipped his chair around so he could lean over the backrest comfortably. “It’s definitely solid enough, so not a spirit. The bullets hit something; they just didn’t seem to hurt it.”
“Stunner doesn’t work either.” Ronon seemed a little put out that his favourite weapon wasn’t working.
“Is there anything in Dad’s journal, Sam?” Dean leaned over toward his brother, who was busily flipping through a worn-out journal.
“Not yet. I’m still looking.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “So, any suggestions at this point are welcome.”
Dean raised his eyebrows and looked a little pained. “It could be a Boggart.”
“Like in Harry Potter?” Ronon looked up in interest.
“Yeah, where do you think J.K. Rowling got the idea from? I heard she had one living in her closet until someone managed to kill it.”
“Since when do Satedan warriors read Harry Potter?” Rodney’s eyes had gone huge as he stared at Ronon.
“One of the marines leant it to me. I liked the dragons,” Ronon said.
“Oh. Fair enough then.”
“But if it is indeed a Boggart, should it not take on the image of a person’s worst fears?” Teyla asked.
“What? You’ve read Harry Potter too?”
“Ronon has related the story to me during evenings off world. He is very good at the voices.”
Rodney smacked himself in the forehead. “I can’t believe this.”
“Okay, back to the point at hand. If this thing is a Boggart, why would it look like a clown and how can we kill it?” Elizabeth gave Rodney a piercing look, before turning to see Sheppard slowly slouching down beneath the table. She would have sworn the tips of his ears were turning bright red.
“Colonel Sheppard?”
There was a muffled cough. “Yes?”
“Is there something you want to tell us?”
Sheppard sat up a little bit, but didn’t make eye contact. “I hate clowns.”
Rodney snorted loudly, but stopped short of saying whatever he was about to say when Elizabeth fixed him with another look.
“Did not Sam Winchester enter the room first this time?” Teyla raised an eyebrow and fixed a look on Sam, whose ears also took on a slightly red tinge as Dean sniggered.
Sam ignored his brother and simply looked over at Sheppard. “Was it Steven King’s IT? That did it for me.”
Sheppard managed to sit up a little more and nodded seriously at Sam.
McKay looked over at Sheppard. “I’m glad I didn’t find that thing.”
“Yeah, I don’t fancy chasing a Nobel-prize-winning version of Kavanagh around the base either,” Sheppard shot back.
“Ha ha, you slay me with your wit, Colonel.”
Sam cleared his throat. “Okay then, so we go in again with someone else in the lead. That should tell us if this thing is a Boggart. Then we can kill it. Anyone got a copper knife? Does the trick, according to Dad’s journal here.” Sam was scrutinizing a page in the journal.
“Yeah, because we get copper knives in our requisitions from Earth all the time,” Rodney scoffed.
“Like this?” Ronon pulled a knife out of his hair, handing it to Sam.
“That should work.”
OoooO
This time, Ronon opened the door and stepped in first, Sheppard and Teyla following close behind, each ready with a knife.
Inside the room sat a fluffy little creature that resembled a small puppy, but with more legs. It made an adorable chirbling sound.
“It is very small!” Teyla exclaimed.
“What is it?” Sheppard asked.
Ronon froze in place. “Kill it! Kill it now!” He pushed Sheppard out in front of him since he was the one armed with the knife and the fluffy thing was suddenly a clown again.
Sheppard took a deep breath, gritted his teeth and lunged with the knife. The clown screamed, thick black smog billowing from its mouth, before it disappeared in a brilliant flash of light.
There was silence for a moment, as Sheppard and the others stared at the place where the clown had been standing.
“Well that was easy!” Sheppard looked back at the grinning Winchester brothers. “What?”
“He’s afraid of a cute little fluffy…” Dean started.
“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you,” Ronon growled and the Winchesters paused for a moment before setting back off down the corridor snickering.
“So, should we visit the carnival when we get back? See some cute little clowns and…”
“Shut up, Dean!” Sam smacked Dean in the chest, as they continued to bicker their way down the corridor.
Sheppard gripped Ronon’s shoulder briefly. “It’s all right, Ronon. I’m sure the little fluffy thing was very dangerous,” he dead-panned, before looking at Teyla and beginning to laugh his deep belly laugh.
Ronon growled as he walked on ahead.
O Fin O
Title: They keep sending them in
Author: starrylizard
Fandom: Supernatural/Stargate Atlantis crossover
Rating: Gen, PG, crack!fic, scary clowns
Summary: Atlantis is having a little supernatural clown trouble
Author notes: Complete and utter crack. Beta by rinkle
“The Daedalus has just moved into orbit,” Chuck announced, pulling Weir out of her reverie.
“Hail them, please.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Colonel Caldwell, we’re glad to see you.” Weir smiled, but her face was looking drawn. They really needed to get this situation under control soon.
“Likewise, Dr Weir. We’ve brought the help you wanted on board.” Caldwell sounded doubtful. “We’ll beam them down now.”
“Thank you, Colonel.”
There was a flash of light in the gate room as two men were beamed in. Brown hair, green eyes, well-built; Weir gave them good-looking, but two men weren’t exactly her idea of sending in the cavalry.
“Just two, Colonel?”
“Just two, Doctor. The SGC claims they are experts in the matter.”
Elizabeth started out down the stairs to the gate room floor, a large welcoming smile plastered on her face as she approached the men. Sheppard beat her to them though, shaking the shorter-haired man’s hand firmly and introducing himself.
“Colonel John Sheppard. We’re glad to see you. Hopefully you can clear this situation up for us.”
“Dean Winchester, and this is my brother, Sam. I hear there’s some hunting to be had.”
Weir had paused to watch, just holding back on the grin that threatened at the sight that Sheppard and Dean made together. Their slouching comfortable-looking stances belied the tight hand shake and the stare down as they summed each other up in the typical fashion of male posturing. Sam didn’t look too impressed with either of them, instead taking in the gate room with wide thoughtful eyes.
Eventually the two men backed down, nodding as if something had been worked out between them and matching grins broke out on their faces.
“So what’s the problem? Everything’s been classified. Drag us out on a damn spaceship to another galaxy to hunt something and…” Dean paused. “You know there’s an alien on that ship?” He winced. “A little grey naked alien.”
Sheppard winced in sympathy. “Yup.”
Elizabeth finally approached, nodding, hands behind her back. “As Colonel Sheppard said, we’re very pleased to have you here. Please come through to my office and we’ll debrief you.”
OoooO
“Clowns?” Sam stared at a very uncomfortable-looking Sheppard in disbelief. “You brought us here to fend off clowns? Why is it always clowns?” The guy looked about ready to thunk his head onto the surface of the table.
“We were told that you had experience in these kinds of things,” Weir stated, diplomatically ignoring the thunk that his head made as it hit the table.
Dean smiled mischievously across at his brother. “Sammy loves clown, don’t you Sammy?”
OoooO
Sheppard led the way, P90 at the ready. “We had it trapped in here last time. Bullets don’t seem to do much to it though.”
Sam and Dean nodded, grinning at each other briefly, high on the rush of a hunt that just happened to be in another galaxy. Ronon and Teyla followed behind them.
“I still do not understand. I was led to believe that clowns were people dressed in costume to entertain small children. Why, then, is this one so dangerous?” Teyla’s brows furrowed.
Dean turned around to answer and ogle the Pegasus native. “Many spirits and demons take on the form of something apparently harmless in order to do their thing.”
“To do their thing?” Teyla raised an eyebrow.
“Look, let’s kill this thing and you can explain it later.” Sheppard turned around, tongue flicking out across his top lip, getting ready to swipe his hand across the door control.
Dean had seen the man wipe the sweat from his hands several times; though the Colonel hid his nerves well, this thing obviously scared him.
OoooO
Sure enough, the ugly-looking clown with sharp teeth had appeared immediately. It was just as Sheppard had described, and, though it was hit with shotguns, P90 fire and stunner blasts, the thing had just kept moving forward. Eventually they’d retreated and resealed the door.
Dean had helpfully offered to carry Teyla’s weapon back for her, but Teyla had respectfully declined, an amused look on her face.
“You know, she could snap your neck without breaking a sweat,” Sheppard murmured under his breath.
“Yeah, but it would be worth it,” Dean shot back. Sam snorted and his brother punched him in the arm.
Back in Weir’s office, they sat down to debrief and regroup. McKay and Weir joined them.
“So, now that you’ve seen it, what do you make of it?” Sheppard sprawled back in his chair, one arm hooked over the backrest, the other tapping at his chin.
Dean had copied Ronon’s lead and flipped his chair around so he could lean over the backrest comfortably. “It’s definitely solid enough, so not a spirit. The bullets hit something; they just didn’t seem to hurt it.”
“Stunner doesn’t work either.” Ronon seemed a little put out that his favourite weapon wasn’t working.
“Is there anything in Dad’s journal, Sam?” Dean leaned over toward his brother, who was busily flipping through a worn-out journal.
“Not yet. I’m still looking.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “So, any suggestions at this point are welcome.”
Dean raised his eyebrows and looked a little pained. “It could be a Boggart.”
“Like in Harry Potter?” Ronon looked up in interest.
“Yeah, where do you think J.K. Rowling got the idea from? I heard she had one living in her closet until someone managed to kill it.”
“Since when do Satedan warriors read Harry Potter?” Rodney’s eyes had gone huge as he stared at Ronon.
“One of the marines leant it to me. I liked the dragons,” Ronon said.
“Oh. Fair enough then.”
“But if it is indeed a Boggart, should it not take on the image of a person’s worst fears?” Teyla asked.
“What? You’ve read Harry Potter too?”
“Ronon has related the story to me during evenings off world. He is very good at the voices.”
Rodney smacked himself in the forehead. “I can’t believe this.”
“Okay, back to the point at hand. If this thing is a Boggart, why would it look like a clown and how can we kill it?” Elizabeth gave Rodney a piercing look, before turning to see Sheppard slowly slouching down beneath the table. She would have sworn the tips of his ears were turning bright red.
“Colonel Sheppard?”
There was a muffled cough. “Yes?”
“Is there something you want to tell us?”
Sheppard sat up a little bit, but didn’t make eye contact. “I hate clowns.”
Rodney snorted loudly, but stopped short of saying whatever he was about to say when Elizabeth fixed him with another look.
“Did not Sam Winchester enter the room first this time?” Teyla raised an eyebrow and fixed a look on Sam, whose ears also took on a slightly red tinge as Dean sniggered.
Sam ignored his brother and simply looked over at Sheppard. “Was it Steven King’s IT? That did it for me.”
Sheppard managed to sit up a little more and nodded seriously at Sam.
McKay looked over at Sheppard. “I’m glad I didn’t find that thing.”
“Yeah, I don’t fancy chasing a Nobel-prize-winning version of Kavanagh around the base either,” Sheppard shot back.
“Ha ha, you slay me with your wit, Colonel.”
Sam cleared his throat. “Okay then, so we go in again with someone else in the lead. That should tell us if this thing is a Boggart. Then we can kill it. Anyone got a copper knife? Does the trick, according to Dad’s journal here.” Sam was scrutinizing a page in the journal.
“Yeah, because we get copper knives in our requisitions from Earth all the time,” Rodney scoffed.
“Like this?” Ronon pulled a knife out of his hair, handing it to Sam.
“That should work.”
OoooO
This time, Ronon opened the door and stepped in first, Sheppard and Teyla following close behind, each ready with a knife.
Inside the room sat a fluffy little creature that resembled a small puppy, but with more legs. It made an adorable chirbling sound.
“It is very small!” Teyla exclaimed.
“What is it?” Sheppard asked.
Ronon froze in place. “Kill it! Kill it now!” He pushed Sheppard out in front of him since he was the one armed with the knife and the fluffy thing was suddenly a clown again.
Sheppard took a deep breath, gritted his teeth and lunged with the knife. The clown screamed, thick black smog billowing from its mouth, before it disappeared in a brilliant flash of light.
There was silence for a moment, as Sheppard and the others stared at the place where the clown had been standing.
“Well that was easy!” Sheppard looked back at the grinning Winchester brothers. “What?”
“He’s afraid of a cute little fluffy…” Dean started.
“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you,” Ronon growled and the Winchesters paused for a moment before setting back off down the corridor snickering.
“So, should we visit the carnival when we get back? See some cute little clowns and…”
“Shut up, Dean!” Sam smacked Dean in the chest, as they continued to bicker their way down the corridor.
Sheppard gripped Ronon’s shoulder briefly. “It’s all right, Ronon. I’m sure the little fluffy thing was very dangerous,” he dead-panned, before looking at Teyla and beginning to laugh his deep belly laugh.
Ronon growled as he walked on ahead.
O Fin O