Comments | starrlette0526: (без темы)

starrlette0526

(Untitled)

Sep 17, 2007 21:13

it just occurred to me that for the first time in 23 years years, i have to choose where i want to go and what i want to do for the holidays and who i want to spend them with. which parent do you choose? do you spend them by yourself to make sure you dont hurt feelings, even though you have every right to hurt them? how do you choose? how do you ( Read more... )

Comments 5

mvllscott September 18 2007, 02:29:23 UTC

When my parents split up I visited both. Some years it was both on Christmas Day, later it became Christmas Eve with one and Christmas Day with the other.

But remember this divorice is about them, not you. Tell them you will decide what you are doing shortly before Christmas. And when it gets here, decide on what will make your holiday the happiest. You are responsible for your happiness, not theirs.

Maybe you will decide going drinking with me at strip clubs is the best way to spend the holiday.

starrlette0526 September 18 2007, 03:13:26 UTC

there is a lot more to the situation that i am not at liberty to talk about. this isnt about choosing parents, its about choosing a moral standpoint and im not ready to do that. i dont want to spend the holidays with one or the other...there is a logical choice and a choice based on guilt. im stuck and confused and hurt and i wish i could say more, but i cant. thanks for the advice scott :o)

mvllscott September 18 2007, 10:00:54 UTC

You don't have to make a moral stand to support or rebuff their actions. You can love someone despite what they have done. This is their crap-strom. Do not get involved in the "if I spend time with them I am condoning their actions" trap. Tell them (if you want to spend time with them both) that you are going to see them both because it is YOUR Christmas too, that you love them both, and even if you agree or disagree with what they did, they are still your parents. Nothing they can do to change it. No matter how f*cked up they are.

I went down the path of trying to support "the wronged parent" and it has taken me 20 years to get close to the other parent because I played in their crappy game. I had to have Clifton, who deserves to know all of his grandparents.

super6_4 September 22 2007, 21:23:49 UTC

you spend them with me.

starrlette0526 September 24 2007, 14:14:51 UTC

you're the best j! no bullshit...we need to hang out.