Comments | starlightfairy2: Come Away With Me (Kaho)

starlightfairy2

Come Away With Me (Kaho)

Jan 28, 2009 15:02

Another Kaho/Eriol snippet. Lately, my mind has been fixated to write about this couple. I guess the fact that almost nothing is known about them intrigued me so much to let my creative juices flowing. I actually started this the night I finished Season 3 of CCS, which was almost two months ago, but have been taking it at a slower pace so I could ( Read more... )

writing (old fic), fandom (card captor sakura), obsession (eriol/kaho)

Comments 5

dropsofviolet January 28 2009, 21:30:53 UTC

I really, really like the descriptions in this story. The house felt very real.

starlightfairy2 January 28 2009, 23:26:27 UTC

Squee! I'm so happy you think that! <3 Do you think, since you have more experience than me, that I stopped too short?

dropsofviolet January 29 2009, 00:13:17 UTC

I like the ending, but endings are always someone's specific preference. I like a little bit of mystery, myself.

agentlerain January 29 2009, 15:08:59 UTC

A little constructive criticism, if that okay?

There were a few spelling mistakes in this oneshot, 'misterious' instead of 'mysterious', 'timeworm' instead of 'timeworn' and
'strechted' over 'stretched'. I'm sure it's just a slip. :P

"her heels quietly clacked" is a bit of a contradiction. Maybe something like lightly tapped? Clack is more of a harsh, abrupt sound.

But I liked seeing Kaho explore Eriol's house. The memory linking to the Tsukimine Shrine was nice, and I especially like how easily she curls into the armchair, a bookworm at heart.

starlightfairy2 January 29 2009, 16:44:09 UTC

That is very true. ^^ Thanks for that, I'll go ahead and correct.

And no, the more constructive criticism, as much as it hurts the ego, the better. It only makes you stronger.

Gracias. :D