Pray Me Home (5/5)

[starandrea]

FIXED! I finished my five-part story in only six parts! Now as long as scifislasher doesn't write anything ever again, I'll be all set. I can write about something else ::nods::

Pray Me Home (5/5)
by *Andrea

Day 12

SPD arrived on the fifth day.

He was already up, or he wouldn't have gotten to the door in time to keep Jewel from knocking. Jack was rolled up in a blanket next to him, which couldn't be comfortable in the heat but he insisted that it kept the bugs from crawling on him. It also kept Sky from touching him, and he wasn't oblivious enough not to think that might be the real point.

He hated to push it, at least peripherally aware of what it must cost Jack every time he did, but he couldn't keep himself from reaching out. He knew this. He knew the feeling of Jack beside him, breathing slow with sleep, and he knew what it would feel like to lean down and kiss him awake.

At least, he thought he knew. He knew the kissing, and he knew the waking up. The certainty that they could be combined, the confidence that he would remember it if they were, made him itch with the desire to try.

It would help him, he argued with himself. It would bring back memories, remind him of what D Squad had been before that--before the--something had happened. Charlie had almost died, Jack said. A risky squad maneuver during a battle they shouldn't have been in, and it had taken all four of them to get her out.

They had, though, and the heroics had gotten a team of sixteen-year-olds more publicity than even they were used to. He didn't remember, but he could imagine the backlash: SPD under the microscope for sending them out in the first place, cadet loyalty compared to brainwashing, and the constant questioning of their ability to follow orders under fire.

It had blown up in their faces, Jack said. Not with a bang, but with the quiet and permanent dissolution of a squad that had made headlines since the day it was formed. Dru had been forced out, into the pilot track, and Sky had been next on the chopping block. Jack had agreed to leave the academy entirely if--and only if--Sky was allowed to stay.

Because we were next, Jack told him. We could have fought it, but everyone knew. First it was squad loyalty... next it would be squad relationships. It wasn't like Charlie was the only one we'd do anything for. You and I only got away with it so long because she and Dru took all the fire.

Got away with what, that was what Sky wanted to know. He knew--he could see how Jack reacted to him. Kissing him was like a straight shot back in time, like opening his eyes to things long ignored. And it felt like that now: like he hadn't quite forgotten, like he'd just... not thought about it for a long time.

It wasn't exactly rushing back, filling his head with the answers to every question. But some of the things he knew had visuals associated with them now. Some of the things Jack said sounded more familiar than crazy. And SPD wasn't everything to him anymore.

He was guessing he had Maya to thank for that.

Whether it would help him or not, he hadn't quite convinced himself that it would help Jack to be kissed awake by someone who was still largely amnesiac when it came to most aspects of their relationship. He was fighting that battle in his mind when he heard someone outside. The first step on the porch brought him up out of bed and on his way to the door.

He beat Jewel there by half a step, and she smiled briefly when he lifted a finger to his lips and jerked his head back into the hut. Stepping aside, she made room for him on the porch without a word. He closed the door behind him and walked to the railing, reluctant to go any further with bare feet.

"Morning," Jewel said quietly, joining him. "Sleeping better?"

"Yeah, thanks." He found himself smiling back, appreciative in a way he knew he'd never be able to explain. "You've done--you were everything he needed, you know? When he was ready to give up, you were... everything."

"He was busy," she said simply. "Being everything for you. We could all see that."

He shook his head, bracing his arms against the railing. "I wish I had," he said with a sigh. "I made it worse for him."

"Love is easy," she said. "Loyalty is hard. Every Ranger knows that. And Jack, I think, has been a Ranger for much longer than he's held a morpher."

"You think that makes it better?" he asked. "Knowing that he expected it to suck, and he did it anyway?"

"I think your gratitude will make him happier than your guilt," Jewel told him.

Well. She had a point there.

"Sorry to wake you up," she said, after a moment of silence. "But there was someone at the market asking for you. We picked her up. Devin's escorting her to the medlab in town."

"Someone who?" he asked sharply, aware that this was both a warning and a request. Get a story together for us, or we're going to have a problem. The colony couldn't stand against an actual inquiry for very long.

"Devin thinks it's an assumed name," Jewel said. "Dr. Kat Manx? She says she's a friend. She arrived in a government shuttle."

Kat Manx. She didn't like him, she was with them, she'd helped to cover this up. But she'd also helped Jack. Jack trusted her. And Jack said that he liked Kat, that she was the only one on base who read as much as he did, that they used to hide out in her lab after curfew during their orientation days.

"Is she alone?" he asked at last.

"As far as we can tell."

"I'll get Jack." He was pretty sure he knew what they needed to do, here. "Can you take us to the medlab to meet her?"

"I'll get the car," she offered, and the way she said it seemed entirely too casual. He hesitated, considering this, and finally it clicked.

"Are they walking?" he asked.

Jewel just smiled.

"You're good," he told her, and he meant it.

"I'll wait across the way," she replied.

Jack was gone when he went back inside, but the door to the bathroom was closed. Funny--he must have heard them on the porch and deliberately not come out. It gave Sky a chance to get dressed, anyway, digging out his squad gear and dropping Jack's on the end of the pallet for him. They were probably going to need it.

When Jack finally emerged, he couldn't help but stare. Wide-eyed and shirtless, it took him a moment to realize that Jack was staring back. At his uniform. "Uh," he began, stumbling over the important information. "I--I mean, Kat's here. Downtown. She says she's alone."

"Huh." Jack had stopped, and he didn't look like he was going anywhere. "And you're... doing what, exactly?"

"We should go see her." Too much of his brain was currently being taken up by the effort not to be distracted by Jack's skin. "She's either a covert operative or a peace offering, right? We should find out which it is."

Jack didn't look convinced, but he did look noticeably less obstinate about. "Okay," he said at last. "If you say so."

"Jack." He didn't know what the problem was, and he could only guess that there had been a time when he wouldn't have had to guess. "SPD is obviously in the wrong. You took action to ensure the health and safety of your teammate. This isn't going to go badly for us."

Jack managed a smirk that didn't reach his eyes. "Ever the optimist."

Sky snorted. "I find that unlikely. But Jewel's waiting, so get dressed before we find out how much my self-control has suffered over the years."

This made Jack brighten. "Lack of practice?" he suggested. "Come on, SPD is full of hot guys. Someone has to have caught your eye."

"I'm looking at him," Sky informed him. "And you'll notice I'm standing way over here, out of some possibly misguided sense of personal boundaries. I don't know how much longer that's going to last, so."

"Wow." Jack grinned at him. "Talk about zero incentive."

"Watch me fight a losing battle today," Sky told him, "or watch me fight a losing battle for many days to come. Back on base. It's up to you."

"I lean more toward instant gratification," Jack told him.

"Tough," Sky said. "Because I'm taking the long view." Pointing at Jack's squad gear, he added, "Change. You're the Red Ranger; you might as well remind them."

Jack put his hands on his hips, which was really, really not what Sky needed right now. Fingers on smooth skin, dark and sweet and the interruption of lines drew the eye even when Jack didn't look away. Great. He was sure his authority was so much more convincing when he stopped to check out the guy he was trying to bully into cooperating.

"The only thing for me on that base is you," Jack said bluntly. "You know I was coerced into joining in the first place."

He knew because Jack had told him. He hadn't seen it in the way Jack had acted, that first week back on the Delta Base. He didn't see it in the way anyone treated him, from the cadets to the officers to the Rangers of Mirinoi. And he definitely didn't see it in the way Jack went to bat for him--not today, and not back then.

"Maybe D Squad was different," Jack was saying, "but it's over. It was over two years ago, and we're never gonna have anything that good again. Maybe it's time to get out."

"Maybe D Squad was different because we were on it," Sky said. "Did you think of that? Maybe B Squad could be that good. And maybe," he continued, because he knew how Jack worked, "going back can keep this from happening to anyone else."

Jack closed his mouth abruptly. He used to say that Gibbs was the altruist, the agent of mercy, and that he was just a guy who did it for kicks. Because helping people gave him a chance to screw over the ones who thought they were too good for it.

At the end of the day, though, Jack wanted to matter. He wanted to make a difference. And when the walls closed in around him, Jack's gift was walking through them.

"Come on, Robin Hood," Sky said quietly. "I can't do it without you."

"No," Jack said, but something about the way he said it made Sky hold out hope. Then Jack added, "That's probably true. I mean, we tried to go it alone once, and look how that turned out."

He dared a smile. "With you ditching our morphers and abducting me?"

"With your mom and I holding a vigil for the guy SPD took away from us," Jack said.

His smile faded, and Jack sighed. "Shouldn't have said that," he muttered. "Sorry."

"Come with me to talk to my mom," Sky said. It was the least he could do. "I didn't--I'm sorry. I never meant to put anyone through this."

"Yeah, we know," Jack said. "Because it wasn't your fault. And even if it was an accident," he added, like he thought Sky was about to protest, "they still covered it up. They told Kat it was deliberate. They let Catherine think it was about me. They didn't tell me a damn thing, and I've gotta think if I'd been there maybe I could have done something!"

He had a heartbeat to decide whether to apologize again or to get in Jack's face, and in the end it wasn't even a conscious decision. "Do something now," he said firmly. "We can't change what's already happened. Holding the whole organization responsible for one person's mistake is a great way to feel righteous and a lousy way to make it better."

It was the right choice. Jack's lips twitched even as he glared back. "Fuck you, Sky." He sounded so weirdly happy about it that Sky had to laugh.

Laughing. He was laughing, and he honestly couldn't remember the last time that had happened. It made Jack's expression soften.

"The thing is," Jack remarked, watching him with obvious amusement, "somehow you think that means you won."

If he could have kissed Jack without completely losing it, he would have done it. But Jack was half-naked, caught between fond and pouting, and Sky was afraid of what he would remember if he made a move right now. He took a step back in self-defense, reaching for the door behind him.

"I'll be with Jewel," he said, waving vaguely out front. "Catch up when you're ready."

Then it occurred to him to add, "She has a car," and Jack perked up.

"Does it have a backseat?" he wanted to know.

One hand on the latch, Sky used the other to flip him off, then slammed the door before Jack could smile again. He wondered if they'd ever made out in the back of a car. He couldn't even decide what he wanted the answer to be: no, because he couldn't remember it, or yes, because then he'd have an excuse to try?

He took the passenger seat beside Jewel, and they mostly didn't talk until Jack finally wandered out. He reached in to ruffle Sky's hair before climbing into the back. "So, what do we know?" he asked, as they pulled out onto the road. "Kat's here?"

"Is that her real name?" Jewel countered. "Sky seemed to recognize it."

Jack leaned forward to cuff Sky on the back of the head. "You didn't tell her who Kat is?" he demanded.

"You're the one who knows," Sky said defensively. "If I had to describe what she does, Jewel probably would have thrown her off the planet by now."

"She's SPD," Jack said. "Officially independent, I think, but she has a badge and she runs Base Tech. She was Sky's probation officer for six months--like a mentor, back when he first joined up."

"What?" Sky turned around to stare at him. "She was?"

Jack gave him the strangest look. "Okay," he said, "what they told you and what they didn't makes no sense."

Sky frowned, searching his expression, and finally he turned back to settle into his seat. "Yeah," he said. "I guess."

"She's probably here to negotiate," Jack continued. "She knows there's nothing wrong with us, except for whatever SPD did to Sky, and she knows I kidnapped him. I don't know how much she's told the others by now, but I'm not surprised the base commander sent her when he realized no one else was gonna get in."

"Do you trust her?" Jewel asked.

Jack didn't hesitate. "Yeah. Her loyalty isn't to us, but she's up front about it. If she can't promise us anything, she'll tell us."

"Sky?"

He blinked, surprised to be asked. "No," he said honestly. "But if she's alone, I don't think there's much she can do. SPD screwed up, and short of erasing both our memories, they're not going to be able to cover it up this time."

"Won't happen," Jack said. "You might have noticed that's the Drews' shuttle."

"Did I notice you sleeping in the princess bed?" Sky said dryly. "Yes. I should have taken pictures."

There was a grin in Jack's voice when he said, "Maybe on the way back. My point is that your mom isn't the only one who knows about this, and I talked to Kat before I talked to the Drews. They know everything she told me."

"If there's a danger that your organization will tamper with your minds," Jewel interjected, "Mirinoi will grant you asylum as refugees from military oppression."

"Thanks," Jack said. "Believe me, I thought about asking. Unfortunately, Sky appealed to my better nature." Only Jack could sound so annoyed about that. "He convinced me we have a duty to keep this kind of thing from happening again."

The rest of the ride was spent discussing the possibility of Ranger publicity or escort back to Earth. Sky might have thought they were overdoing it a little before Jewel had mentioned the possibility of Jack's memories being altered. Then, all of a sudden, going back at all didn't seem like such a bright idea.

He told himself that was a defensive reaction, and an unproductive one at that. Everything he'd told Jack about changing things for the better was still true. They wouldn't do it by running.

But he didn't really want to do it by risking Jack, either.

Devin met them in the medlab, conferring with Jewel in the entryway before the three of them went on together. Sky didn't even realize he was crowding Jack until Jack stopped abruptly enough that Sky almost tripped over him. Jack put a steadying hand on his arm, frowning up at him. "Are you okay?"

It took him a moment to realize that Jack meant, was he okay to face Kat. Was he having creepy SPD-related flashbacks, and was he going to flip out in the middle of this meeting. "No," he said. "I mean, yes. I'm fine."

Okay, he wasn't totally fine, but it wasn't because he was afraid of what they were going to do to him. He supposed it wouldn't kill him to tell Jack that. "I'm more afraid for you," he admitted.

Jack just rolled his eyes. "Now he tells me."

"Not--" He stopped, trying not to smile. Jack was cute as the reluctant follower. "It's not--they're not going to do anything. I just... I can't imagine you going through this again."

Jack scoffed. "I can't imagine going through it the first time. We do what we gotta do, Sky."

Still he hesitated, and Jack smirked at him. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll hold your hand."

He narrowed his eyes. "You're like this all the time, aren't you."

"Lucky for you," Jack agreed cheerfully.

True, he admitted to himself.

"Hey, guys." Kat's voice was concurrent with her appearance, stepping through a door that he was sure hadn't been open a moment ago. Her eyes raked across Jewel, acknowledged Jack, and landed squarely on him.

"Sorry," she added, not looking away. "Good hearing."

"Hi, Kat," Jack said, apparently untroubled. "Heard you were here."

"Sky?" she asked, ignoring Jack while her gaze searched his.

He nodded warily. "Dr. Manx."

Now her eyes slid away, finding Jack, and he shrugged once. "We're still working on it," he said. "Turns out just leaving the base wasn't enough."

"Oh." There was a world of sadness in that world. "Jack, I'm sorry. I thought--"

"It's okay," he interrupted. "Really, Kat. We're working on it."

"Thanks for helping Jack," Sky said, tired of being ignored. "He told me what you did."

She looked at him again, and all he saw was the civvie consultant who'd made his life miserable for the last two years. But when she smiled it was sweet and friendly and full of things he didn't remember. "It's good to see you again, Sky."

"So are you here to bring us in?" Jack asked bluntly. "We couldn't decide whether Cruger sent you as a spy or a negotiator."

"He didn't send me." Kat gave him the reproving look that Sky knew all too well. "I volunteered. You're welcome, by the way."

That sounded oddly familiar, and it took him several seconds to place it as something Jack had said. But then, he supposed, they had known each other for years. That was still hard to get his head around sometimes.

"Let's talk," Jack said, nodding to the door she'd just come out of. "Jewel, do you have a minute?"

"Of course," she agreed.

Kat gave Jack a look that was easy to interpret, and Jack returned it. "Her team hid us this long," he told Kat. "They deserve to know what's going on."

Kat glanced at Jewel, but she allowed herself to be ushered back into the room. Sky followed Jack in, and Jewel closed the door quietly behind them. "Nice," Jack said, apparently addressing the room at large. "Waiting room?"

"Conference area," Jewel answered. "For anyone who needs privacy."

"I like it," Jack decided. "First new world I've ever seen, and I gotta say... I think it's an improvement."

Earth had once referred to Mirinoi as "the new world," and Sky didn't think any more of it than that. Especially when he was distracted by Kat's cautious presence. But Jewel got it, maybe because she'd always lived here, or maybe just because she was paying attention to the way Jack said it.

"This is your first time offplanet?" she asked.

Jack just shrugged. "First time on another one, anyway."

Sky turned to stare at him, and peripherally, he was aware of Kat doing the same thing. He wanted to ask. He wanted to say, really? But Jack hadn't grown up the way he had, and maybe it shouldn't surprise him. Maybe, if he'd thought about it...

I love you, he thought.

Jack glanced at him. "What?"

He wanted to know why they were staring at him. Intellectually, Sky knew that. He knew Jack wasn't a mind reader. But did it really matter? It was worth saying anyway. After all this, it had to be worth saying.

"I love you," he said aloud.

Jack blinked. "Yeah?" Then he seemed to realize what was happening, and he added, "I mean, yeah. Me too."

He looked at Kat, at Jewel, then back at Jack. "Should I have stuck to 'I hate you' as code?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound quite as off balance as he felt. He knew how Jack felt. He'd had it proven over and over again.

"Nah." Jack was grinning, and that had to be a good sign. "Pretty sure they already knew."

"Does he do this for everyone?" Sky asked, catching Kat's eye again. It was the easiest way out of an awkward situation, distracting and demanding at the same time. Even if he thought he already knew the answer.

She looked from him to Jack and back again. "What?"

He shook his head, and when he saw Jack watching him with a smile, he couldn't look away. "Everything," he said. "He does everything. Whether he knows what it's going to be or not."

Jack was shaking his head, but it was Kat he believed when she said, "Yes. Yes, I think he does."

"Okay, cut it out," Jack said. "Let's move on from how incredibly stupid I am, okay? Are you here to arrest me or not?"

Sky gave her a sharp look, but this time it was Kat who smiled. "Actually," she said, lifting her hands, "I'm here to extend a gesture of goodwill."

She was holding their morphers.

Jack looked at him. Sky raised his eyebrows, and the corner of Jack's mouth twitched. "What does that mean?" Jack asked evenly.

"It means you scared a lot of people," Kat told him. "It turns out they've been betting on Sky not pressing charges. You, on the other hand, could cause a lot of trouble. Mostly because they know how much you know, and they believe you'd actually do it."

Jack just looked at her. "How much do I know?"

Kat put the morphers down, careful and precise on the edge of the table. "I told them the same thing I told you," she pointed out. "That I thought Sky's memory would start to return almost immediately, given a new environment and the presence of a trigger as strong as... well."

She inclined her head in his direction. "You're not subtle, Jack."

"Thanks," Jack said wryly. "But if they're trying to buy our silence with morphers, I don't think it's gonna happen."

"At this point, a little publicity is the least of their worries," Kat told them. "They covered up medical malpractice involving a foreign minor on treaty-protected land. Depending on the spin you give it, the world government could shut down SPD Earth for good."

He and Jack exchanged glances, and he read the question in Jack's eyes. "Maybe you should tell us what you know," Sky said carefully.

Kat slid her hands into the pockets of her form-fitting jacket, managing to look casual and dangerous at the same time. "Two years ago, C Squad was deployed--before its training time was up--to bring in a telepathic criminal it didn't have the experience to handle. You paid the price."

"Gibbs was hurt," he said, watching her expression.

She didn't bat an eye. "And Charlie almost quit," she agreed. "They both thought they should have been able to stop it, and when the medical team had to tie you down to keep you from hurting your own teammates, they blamed themselves."

"What was it, exactly?" Jack interrupted. "Sky remembers the attack, and he remembers being restrained, but neither of us can figure out what the guy did to him."

"If they knew," Kat said evenly, "they might have been able to do something. Something less drastic, anyway. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone involved in the actual 'treatment,' but I finally got the records--"

"How?" Sky demanded, not about to let this key detail pass unchallenged. If she hadn't been part of the coverup, why had they suddenly given her access to something SPD had tried to bury?

"When they realized you weren't coming back on your own," Kat told him, "they figured they'd better find someone you might listen to. So they let me out, sat me down, and started talking."

"Shit," Jack muttered. "They got to you? I thought you said you could cover your tracks."

"Unfortunately, I trained my assistant a little too well," Kat said. A rueful smile flitted across her expression. "He didn't mean to figure it out. He was pretty apologetic about it. But next time you need shifts rearranged and security cameras taken offline, we'd better get Boom in on it too."

"Wait." Sky frowned at them. "They arrested you?"

"They confined me," she said. "SPD doesn't have to charge you if they think you're a security risk, and I obviously was. But Cruger likes me, so they locked me in my room instead of--" She waved vaguely. "Anywhere else."

"Sorry, Kat." Jack looked genuinely angry with himself. "I should have tried to check in with you, after. I never thought it'd go farther than me."

"I knew what I was doing," Kat told him. "And if you'd checked in, they would have caught you too. Then I would have been pissed."

This brought a reluctant smile to Jack's face. Sky was starting to understand just what it was about Kat that Jack trusted. And maybe what it was about her that he'd liked, all that time.

"So they let me see the records," Kat continued. "And all it really says is that Sky's memory was taking over his brain--he was reliving things that had already happened, he couldn't separate them from what was actually happening, and he lashed out in response to things that weren't there."

"Just like you were hallucinating," Jack murmured.

"That's what it would have looked like," Kat said, glancing from one of them to the other. "Yes. Someone got the brilliant idea that temporarily suppressing his memories would bring his behavior under control, and the records say he did consent.

"Of course," she added, "the consent of a certifiably unstable person isn't going to carry any weight after the fact. They should have had written authorization from his proxy, his next of kin--or in this case, his guardian."

"I wasn't supposed to forget," Sky insisted. "It was supposed to be distancing, disassociation at the most... not amnesia. Permanent or otherwise."

"That's true," Kat said, studying him. "For what it's worth, they were just incompetent, not disingenuous. At least as far as I can tell."

He caught Jack's eye. Jack just looked at him, waiting, and finally he nodded. That's worth something to me.

Jack returned the gesture. "Okay," he said aloud. "We'll talk."

Watching him, Sky thought: this is the man who's going to lead B Squad. Here was a man who gave everything he had for the things that needed doing, and asked for nothing in return. Here was a man that Sky could follow. A man he loved.

Perhaps most importantly, this was a man to whom he could give his loyalty.

***

"Love was just the antidote when nothing else could cure me
There are times I can't decide, when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy, otherwise I'd drown

But you pick me off and brush me off, you tell me I'm okay
Sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day
You stay the course, you hold the line, you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in"

--Sarah McLachlan
"Push"