Some Moments You Can Never Get Back (1/2)
Title: Some Moments You Can Never Get Back (1/2)
Author: Stargirl888
Pairings: Rachel/Quinn
Rating: K
Spoilers: Umm, Ep 1.02 I guess
Disclaimer: If I owned Glee...well lets not think about it - it's too depressing when reality sets in
Warning:
Summary: You can't turn back the hands of time, moment's missed are forever gone and some mistakes can't be undone
A/N: So this just came to me. It's set around twelve years after Beths birth.
Rachel froze as her eyes fell on the blond standing by her mantle, observing the photographs that littered the surface. Standing dead still she wondered for a moment if the woman had even heard her enter the apartment, so engrossed was she with her observations. Rachel wondered briefly of the likelihood that she was delirious, the idea this woman, who she had resigned herself to never seeing again in this lifetime, was standing there calmly in her living room as though she had just popped over for tea was so farfetched that she actually considered hallucination to be the most likely cause.
"You kept her." Quinn murmured, not looking away from the mantle, her low breathy voice breaking Rachels revere and causing thousands of memories, which she had suppressed for so long to flood back to the surface as though it had only been yesterday that Quinn had left.
"How did you get in?" Quinn smirked briefly, finally turning to face Rachel, flipping her hair in a move perfected with years of practice. Raising her hand, she revealed the spare key, twirling around her finger and raising her eyebrow superiorly.
"You always were a creature of habit." She chuckled, trying to use attitude to hide the way her heart was thundering in her chest, though without much success - the brunette had always read her better than anyone else.
"You kept her." Quinn repeated, picking up the nearest picture frame and observing it for a moment, willing herself to hide the loss she felt at the image before turning it to show the short woman before her.
Rachel gaze flickered to the image for a second before returning to the blond. She knew the image by heart - it had been one of her favourites, taken a year earlier when she, her daughter and Puck had splurged on a holiday to Spain. It showed her, Puck and a pre-teen girl all sitting on the steps of the Spanish villa that was their accommodation for the trip, all three were laughing at a joke Puck had just made.
"I couldn't give her up." Rachel was not sure why she felt she had to justify her actions, but she did.
Quinn suddenly felt dizzy, placing a hand on the wall to steady herself and squeezing her eyes shut, Rachel gestured for her to sit on the couch. Quinn missed the motion but sank onto the seat anyway, looking down at the photo again. She was torturing herself, she knew, every moment she looked into that little girls eyes was like a knife to the heart, but she couldn't look away, she couldn't draw her eyes from the sight of the happy family she was once meant to be a part of.
"I…I didn't…" she stuttered as silent tears began to trickle down her cheeks "I d..didn't know what to do - I was sixteen for Christ's sake." Rachel scowled at that, the hurt and resentment she had thought she'd let go of years ago suddenly bubbling to the top once again.
"We were all sixteen." Rachel snapped "You think you were the only one scared, the only one who had no idea how to raise a child? We were all in the same boat, all terrified of messing up that little girls life, but you were the only one who ran."
"I told you to give her up." Quinn's voice wavered, tears now continuously streaming and Rachel was not far from mimicking her. "You didn't have to take on that responsibility."
"Then who would have?" she demanded harshly, eleven years of resentment and frustration all boiling over "Puck could never raise a child alone, and he would never have been able to put her up for adoption, to be raised by people who we didn't know from a bar of soap" She did not mention that when Quinn left, Beth was all she had left of the blond girl to cling to, and, for a time, she had hoped that Quinn would come back to her daughter - back to the family she and Rachel had talked of building.
Rachel took a deep, calming breath then - she didn't want to argue about this anymore, she had argued enough all those years ago and it actually no longer mattered because, now, eleven years on, Beth was her daughter and that was all there was to it. The silence that had fallen between them stretched on while Quinn just continued to stare at the photograph and Rachel worked up the courage to ask the question who's answer could have the ability to turn her and her daughter's life upside-down.
"Why did you come here?"
For the first time since sitting down Quinn actually met Rachels gaze, looking for what she wasn't sure - an invitation to stay? A demand that she left? But all Quinn could see was quiet resignation to accept whatever decision she made.
"I don't know."
They continued to simply gaze at each other before they were interrupted by the front door opening.
"Mom? Dad asked if I could go to his place on Sunday and Monday instead of Saturday" a light, airy voice echoed through the house as the front door swung shut and Quinn sent Rachel a panicked glance - she was not ready to face her daughter. Rachel quickly spun out of the room, pulling the door half shut behind her. Quinn rose to her feet and quietly went to stand out of the eye line of the door, listening hard.
"Mom? What's wrong?" Beth's voice heightened in concern, no doubt taking in the after affects of the few errant tears that had escaped during their conversation.
"Nothing sweetie, just caught something in my eye. How was your day?" Quinn could hear them both moving around what she presumed to be the kitchen as the distinctive sound of cereal cascading into a bowl was heard and her daughter nattered away about her day and her school friends. Tears, which had only stopped minutes ago, once again began to leak out of her eyes as she was consumed with longing that she could be in that kitchen with them, that the names of friends and teachers her daughter mentioned did not sound foreign to her ears, and that she could just take back those few short moments of panic when she had fled Lima and abandoned her only child. She slid down the wall she had been leaning against, dissolving into a puddle on the floor; for the last eleven years she had regretted leaving but for the first time she truly realised just how much she had given up.
She didn't hear Beth head upstairs a moment later, nor sense Rachel re-enter the room until a gentle hand was placed on her shoulder. Startled she glanced up to see the brunettes eyes were sorrowful and glistening with unshed tears. Not for the first time Quinn wished Rachel would just pull her into her arms like she used to, murmuring sweet nothings however, she was unaware the diminutive songstress was wishing the same thing. Neither gave into impulse though and after a moment Quinn took a deep, shaky breath and forced herself to her feet.
"I should go." She muttered, picking up her bag and exiting without another word. It was not until she was outside in the fresh air again that she realised the photograph was still clutched firmly in her hand
Part 2