Fic: Measure Every Grief (2/5)
Meta and Part 1
The air held an aura of anxiety as Lord David made his way through the corridors. It was early morning, so in theory the stillness could simply be a result of lack of movement, but David had spent enough time in the palace to recognize its moods. The tension of the last several days had shifted focus, and he suspected that before long, everyone in the palace would know why.
Lady Teyla had come to him the previous afternoon and told him of the queen's illness. The countess had made it plain that in her absence today, someone needed to act to protect the queen's reign and the stability of the government, and since he and Teyla were of equal rank, she expected that person to be him.
While he was willing to do whatever was necessary for her Majesty, David had spent most of the evening unsure as to exactly how he could be of service, until a message had arrived from his daughter. Lord George was recovering from the fever. He would be meeting with Lord Jonathan this morning.
David had risen earlier than usual and as he approached the Marquis of Hammond's chambers, it seemed he had achieved his purpose, for no one was nearby. A servant admitted him and he thanked the ancestors that he found Lord George alone.
The older man looked tired, which was unsurprising. After making some polite inquiries about the gentleman's health, Lord David settled down to business. "I'm certain you have been told of the queen's illness, my lord?"
George looked grave. David had not seen him so distressed since King Edmund's death. "Yes, Master Loki informed me last night that she has taken ill, and that Lord Daniel is not expected to recover."
David nodded. "It is a most fearful time." He drew a breath. "As much as my concerns are with her Majesty and Lord Daniel, I feel there are other events with which you need be acquainted, my lord."
George looked at him in confusion. "What events?"
David began to carefully explain the basic facts of the last few days, including both meetings of the college, the insolence of Glaston and Samuels, and the insubordination of the Marquis of Neill. He did his best to speak plainly and not embellish, but Lord George had been in court most of his life, and David could see the older man understood the ramifications of what had passed in the previous two days.
When David had finished, George looked at him with an intensity that was unnerving. "And your reason for telling me this information, my lord?"
He resisted clearing his throat. "With yourself and Lord Daniel both ill and Sir Jacob away, the ranks of the queen's advisors are perilously thin. The Countess of Athos was called home due to the fever, and she asked me to stand in her place until she returned."
If George was surprised by Teyla's political acumen or her maneuverings, he did not show it.
"There is one other piece of information," David continued. "My daughter sent word last night of news from Iolan. The queen mother... my lord, this same illness has been in the country and she died of it."
The older man startled visibly at that. After a moment, he asked, "What becomes of the young prince, then?"
David sighed. "It seems the assembly in Iolan did not wish to risk a prolonged regency. The crown has reverted to Prince Radek. He will be crowned king within a matter of months, but that is not all. He sent Queen Elizabeth word that he will marry a Lady Miller, who I understand is the sister of Master McKay."
Lord George stared at him. Then he leaned back in the bed and was silent for a long while. At length he said calmly, "This information was sent to the queen?"
"Yes. Kate thought such sudden revelations might have hastened the queen's illness."
George nodded. "I think it unnecessary to add fuel to the fire sure to erupt here. For now, the news from Iolan should be kept quiet. It will arrive by other means soon enough."
Before David could ask any questions, there was a knock at the door, and a servant announced Lord Jonathan.
Jack halted near the threshold at the sight of David sitting with Lord George, but he said nothing of it. For his part, David found anger welling inside of him. Having to recount the ghastly turn of events to George had reminded him of the damage this man had done to the queen and possibly the country. However, this was not the time or place to bring it up.
Even recovering from illness, George was a superior politician. He coughed and beckoned Jack closer. "Gentlemen, we must discuss what is to be done and how this news is to be shared with the college. The queen's illness will not remain secret for long, if it has been secret at all."
"An announcement must be made," David agreed. "Preferably this morning, before the rumors have time to swell."
Jack's eyes flickered to David for a moment, but he said nothing.
George appeared to be considering the situation, then he turned to David. "My lord, I think it best you address the college. Give Hurst instructions to call them to assemble and then give them what information Beckett has offered."
David did his best to keep his expression neutral. "May I ask what your reasoning is, my lord?"
George looked grim. "It is no secret that if something should happen to her Majesty, the crown may pass to you, Lord David. I would have the nation see you playing an integral role as we care for the country during the queen's illness. Hopefully, it will stave off rumors and plots."
It was not the reason David himself wanted to undertake this task, but that did not make it any less sound. "I understand, my lord. With your permission, I will go speak to Lord Benjamin."
George nodded. David glanced towards Jack and inclined his head slightly, as technically Jack outranked him. Not that David was putting much store by rank at the moment.
For his part, Jack barely recognized the gesture. His attention was focused on George, and David quit the room, rather relieved to escape before the confrontation about to take place between the two marquises.
*~*~*~*
In a lighter mood, Jack might have felt as though he was a boy awaiting a scolding as Lord David left him alone with Lord George. But another mostly-sleepless night had stripped Jack of any semblance of humor. He had lain awake many hours, every noise making him start with fear of a messenger coming to tell him Elizabeth was worse, or that Daniel was dead.
Now he sat awaiting the judgment of the man he regarded as a mentor and teacher, and the discomfort and fear was far worse than any boy could feel for some prank gone awry.
As usual, he had underestimated Lord George once again. Though it was obvious David had acquainted him with what had happened during his illness, George regarded him seriously but calmly and said, "Jack, explain your part in this."
Haltingly, he told his tale. His reasons for going against Elizabeth seemed ever more futile the more time lapsed, but he did not offer excuses. There were none to be had.
When he finished, George looked at him closely. "When you returned from Neill, you told me of the gunpowder. I agreed with you then, and still agree, that it would be a worthwhile tool and should be pursued. What I do not understand is why you would force the issue at such a moment, when the queen was struggling to defend her influence with the college as well as her own people, and was without the counsel of both Daniel and myself."
"It was not my intention to go so far," he protested. "You know that I do not think so far ahead."
The self-deprecation did not do anything to deflect the conversation. "In this instance, it seems you hardly thought at all."
Jack winced. He stared at the floor for a moment. "I saw Elizabeth acting impulsively, pursuing a course of action I felt was stubborn and dangerously single-minded, one that could leave us vulnerable to the Goa'uld or to an unexpected enemy like the Ori." Before George could speak he held up a hand. "It is my responsibility to consider the security of the country above anything else. I have already been made aware that there are aspects to this situation I failed to consider."
"Such as that pursuing this weapon may arouse suspicion and make Atalan even more of a target than she already is?"
He nodded, thinking of how quickly Sarah had pointed out a consideration that had never entered his own head. The other man did not even touch on the continuing threat of the Wraith.
George sighed. "What disturbs me, Jack, is that you have acknowledged your own shortcomings many times in the past, but at no point in the last few days have you considered that because of those shortcomings, you may need to listen to someone else on this subject. Usually you are intelligent enough to seek out other opinions to fill in those areas you know you are not master of. In this case, however, when a great deal was depending on your ability to think clearly, you utterly failed."
The words nearly felt like a physical blow. The condemnation in George's eyes was unbearable. He wanted to defend himself, to point out that his best friend lay dying and he had Sarah's welfare and his son's continued misgivings weighing on his mind, but he knew those were the very reasons why he should have been more dispassionate than he had been. If Elizabeth had been single-minded, he had been far more so, and he should have been the one to set an example for her by stepping back and considering the situation rationally, instead of allowing emotion to cloud his thinking and acting without forethought.
He could summon no words to say in his own defense. Eventually, George sighed. "I do not know what Elizabeth's mood will be when she recovers." The marquis did not use the word "if" but Jack thought of Daniel, lying in his curtained room and no longer moving even in sleep, and found it difficult to swallow.
The older man continued, "There is no one in Atalan as qualified as you to lead the army, but I suspect your level of influence over the monarch will wane, at the least temporarily. And I cannot say I would blame her Majesty for such a decision. In the meantime, it would be best if you were seen - but not often - and refused to answer questions. Elizabeth's illness will raise suspicions and fears and having so recently stood in opposition to her, it will not take much to start foolish tongues wagging about your ambitions."
Jack nodded, even though both of them knew the absolute last thing in the world he would ever want would be more power and responsibility in court. His desires were not important now; appearances were. Also, he would hardly dare defy the Marquis of Hammond at this juncture.
They looked at one another for a moment and Jack saw plainly the other words George was not speaking. He had let down Lord George, and Daniel, and Elizabeth, and done so at a particularly vulnerable moment. More than that, he had failed to keep the oath he had sworn to King Edmund, in spirit if not in letter. Elizabeth's protection and well-being should have been his motivation, not his own convictions of what was needed.
Disappointment - George's disappointment with him and Jack's disappointment with himself - engulfed him.
In a low voice, he conceded, "I will accept whatever decision her Majesty makes on this matter."
He stood before any more words could be exchanged, not sure he could bear further scrutiny just now. "I should let you rest. I would not risk your recovery." He bowed and hastened from the room, not sure where he was to go, but knowing he could not bear to linger in that room any further.
*~*~*~*
After leaving Lord George to speak to Lord Jonathan - or roast him on a spit in his fireplace - David sought out Benjamin Hurst. He informed the older man of his orders from the Marquis of Hammond, as well as a few details concerning the announcement he had to make to the college. Hurst was trustworthy, and known to be very fond of the queen.
Working together, they gathered a veritable army of pages, who were sent out with summons for the various members of the college. By late morning, they were assembled. David followed Lord Benjamin into the chamber. The older man sat down, but David remained standing in front of the empty throne.
He took a deep breath, taking note that practically every eye in the college was on him. Hurst had barely called the college to order when David was addressed.
"Lord David," Samuels shouted above the chaos, "I demand to know what is happening -"
Matthew of Glaston was standing next to Samuels, looking equally irate. "Where is the queen?" he demanded just as loudly. "Or Lord Jonathan?"
Many other lords added their voices to the query, but David said nothing in response, merely waiting. After some minutes, they realized that he was remaining silent and began to close their mouths themselves.
When the large room was finally still, David spoke. "Thank you," he said. "I have been requested by others to inform you of our current situation."
"What situation?" Glaston challenged.
David pressed his lips together in irritation. This puppy had caused a great deal of trouble for many people, most especially the queen, and he was grating on David's already-frayed nerves. Taking a deep breath, he replied in a measured tone, "If you will wait in silence, my lord, I would be able to inform you."
Glaston glared at him, but did not respond. There was a round of approving murmurs at that.
Nodding to himself, David continued, "There is no simple way of saying this, so I shall be blunt with all of you. Soon after yesterday's session, Queen Elizabeth collapsed in her private study."
Silence reigned for a brief moment and David saw several men go pale. Before anyone could begin to comment, he continued. "She was discovered by Captain Lorne and he immediately summoned Doctor Beckett. After a thorough examination, the doctor determined that the blood fever has taken hold of her. He believes that the constant stresses that have been placed upon her since her return to Atlantis weakened her physical condition and left her more susceptible to illness."
The lords began to speak then, many demanding reassurance that the queen was being watched carefully and being given every consideration. David nodded to some of them, but his eyes swept over several individuals in particular. The Viscountess of Berwynn had a grim expression on her face, but no surprise. That led him to conclude that she had already been made aware of Elizabeth's condition. Most likely Lord Jonathan had informed her.
Samuels, on the other hand, looked furious, and David wondered cynically if the man was put out because the queen had the gall to become ill just as he was bringing a great deal of political pressure to bear on her. Glaston, however, turned an unpleasant shade of green, which was more satisfying.
Richard Woolsey was pale as well, and inched closer to him, as though he wanted to speak to him. David turned his gaze away from the man. He had not forgotten the man's treachery the previous day, changing the agreed-upon compromise without informing anyone, and yet also keeping David's name on it to garner further support. That alone proved the man untrustworthy in David's eyes, but now was not the time to think of such things.
He raised his hand and the lords eventually quieted again. "Everything is being done to ensure her Majesty's recovery," David informed them. "There is also some good news. The Marquis of Hammond woke late last night, and is steadily improving. I have no doubt he will rejoin our number as soon as is feasible."
He stepped down from the dais. "Everyone needs to remain calm," he stated. "It is imperative that no one incite panic during this time, and that we keep everything running as smoothly as possible during her Majesty's illness."
The college disbanded quickly thereafter, following a succession of pleas to take their best wishes to the queen for her health. Most of the lords looked worried and grave. Still, given the recent actions of many in the college, David knew they would bear watching. The situation could change at any moment, and he needed to remain vigilant.
*~*~*~*
The awful heat of previous weeks had gone, but the weather on the island continued to be stormy. Heavy rain passed over the palace late in the afternoon, and a fog stretched over land and sea as night came on.
Master Loki sent Peter away from Lord Daniel's room around suppertime for some air. He had been sitting vigil over the duke all day. Peter had learned the previous day when he returned to the queen's chamber that she was ill. He spent the better part of the afternoon hovering in the antechamber until Beckett told him there was naught he could do for the queen, except pray.
Captain Lorne had promised that should the queen require any service, Peter would be sent for immediately. He'd wandered the castle until he found himself near Lord Daniel's rooms and decided if he could not be of material service to the queen, the least he could do was sit with her cousin. Peter had been born and raised in Langford, and the duke was the reason Peter served Queen Elizabeth at all. With the palace so preoccupied with the queen, someone owed the Duke of Langford at least this much courtesy.
Lord Daniel had not woken in nearly two full days now. His breathing, which had been horribly loud the night before, had settled during the day, and Peter's heart had clenched in his chest as he realized Daniel lay dying before him.
He went to the dining hall. Every head had turned to Peter when he walked in, but he had no news to offer. Reluctantly he ate his meal in silence. No one seemed to have much of an appetite. Master McKay sat nearby, poking at his bowl rather than consuming it with his usual enthusiasm.
Peter was unused to idleness. Since last winter, after he had accepted the position as the queen's personal secretary, he had known few unoccupied hours. Most mornings he rose at the same time as the queen, and did not get to bed until after she was finished for the day. Aside from Lady Laura and Lady Katherine and the captain of the guard, Peter was with the queen the most. It felt unnatural to have not seen her for days.
Knowing it was futile, he made his way to the queen's chambers. One look at the guards standing nearby told him all, but he entered the room anyway.
His inquiries received the reply he expected. Peter attempted not to let his frustration show, but the door opened and Lady Katherine stepped out to summon a servant to fetch food for herself and Beckett. She caught sight of him and offered a wan smile. "I'm afraid there is little change."
"Has she wakened at all?"
Kate sighed. "She was in and out of consciousness this afternoon, long enough to inquire if there was news. I was able to tell her Lord George is recovering."
"Did that cheer her any?" Peter asked anxiously.
"Some, though she asked about Lord Daniel as well."
Peter looked away. "There has been no change, but I fear it may only be a matter of hours."
The silence seemed to grow heavier. Kate glanced at the floor and then straightened. Peter noticed she was holding two folded pieces of paper in her hand. "Peter, will you do something for me?"
"Anything," he said with alacrity.
Kate held out the papers. "Carson and I have each written to Laura. She is... indisposed at the moment and unable to attend the queen in person." Peter had been wondering about this strange circumstance. The rumor in the palace was that Lady Laura was perhaps sick herself. "Would you bring these to her for us?"
"Of course, my lady." Peter took the notes willingly. It was good to feel useful, even if it was only a matter of a few steps down the hallway.
"And if..." Kate had to steady herself for a moment. "Should there be news of Lord Daniel..."
Peter swallowed. "I will come here first," he promised.
*~*~*~*
Laura's days now seemed dreadfully long, filled with nothing to do and everything to worry about. After parting with Kate on the morning of Elizabeth's collapse, the only people she had seen were the servants who brought her food. As a result, she had caught up on all the mending and sewing that always seemed to be forgotten when things were busier, and her chambers were as clean as they had been the morning Kate and Elizabeth had proudly shown her and Carson where they would begin their married life.
Now that memory was painful, knowing she was shut out from helping her two dearest friends. It did not help that she was merely down the hall from Elizabeth's chambers. Every noise in the corridor made her jump. Several times she had gone to the door and only just stopped herself from opening it. To be so close yet so cut off was driving her mad.
In the afternoon on the second day, the immense tiredness came over her again and she curled up on her bed and fell asleep. She had not slept much the night before due to worrying. Unfortunately, when she awoke, it was nearly dark and she did not feel refreshed. Instead she felt quite wretched. She had one panicked moment of thinking that she has contracted the fever after all, but then she remembered why she was cloistered.
With a sigh, she stood from the bed, only to grab her head as dizziness overwhelmed her. She just barely made it to the screened corner of the room where she could be sure of vomiting into something instead of on the floor.
It took some time over the noises of the sickness for her to hear the knock at the door. "Just a moment," she called when her stomach had ceased rebelling entirely.
Master Grodin was at the door to her bedchamber. He looked alarmed. "My lady, are you all right? Do I need to send for-" No doubt he had been about to suggest her husband but he remembered that Carson had his hands full at the moment and checked himself. "A physician?"
"No, thank you, Peter," she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Peter was not ill, but Laura did not approach him, mindful of her promise to Carson. "I do not believe this illness is one a doctor could treat." Her heart beat wildly for a moment with hope. She had not become nauseous last time, and while it was the antithesis of a pleasant sensation, Laura believed it had to be a good sign.
Peter was eyeing her curiously. "Forgive my impertinence, my lady, but are you with child?"
Laura offered Peter a small smile. "We have not been entirely sure, Peter, though this seems to be further proof."
"And this is the reason you have not been with the queen," Peter surmised. "I had wondered."
Laura nodded, holding a kerchief to her mouth for a moment. "I am unsurprised. My absence down the hall is probably fueling all manner of speculation." Her stomach cramped again, but in this case Laura suspected it was not from pregnancy but guilt. Peter looked apologetic, but she waved it off. Court gossip was a fact of existence, even in times such as these. Then her eye caught on something white that Peter held in his hand.
He noticed and came close enough to hold out the folded papers. "Your husband and Lady Katherine asked me to deliver these to you on my way. They knew you would be anxious for news."
"Is there any?" she asked, even as she clutched her letters.
He shook his head. "There has been little change today. I assume you knew Lord George woke last night, and that the college has been informed?"
She nodded, for the maid had told her as much earlier. "Lord Daniel?"
Peter looked grim. "It will probably not be long now."
Laura's heart clenched. It seemed impossible for Daniel to be gone. He had been a constant presence in her life as long as Laura had lived in Atlantis.
Peter seemed to guess her wish for privacy and soon departed. Laura moved to the chair before the fire and opened her letters eagerly.
My love -
I am sorry I have no news to report. The queen has been awake some this afternoon, and she seems more in possession of her faculties than did her cousin at this stage, but I cannot allow myself to take anything for granted. She has not eaten much and the fever continues to keep her in its grip.
My one consolation is that you are safe. Write to me, even if it is just a few lines, to tell me how you fare. Know that my heart is with you even though I cannot come to you myself.
I love you.
Carson.
Laura resolved immediately to go to the desk in the other room as soon as she had finished Kate's letter and write back to her husband. Kate's letter was longer than Carson's had been.
Dearest Laura -
I hope you are well enough through these long days. I wish you here with all my heart but do not let guilt weigh upon you. Elizabeth would never allow you to endanger a child on her behalf and I find myself clinging to the hope that your isolation will protect you and the baby. It may be the one good thing to come of this.
Elizabeth has been awake some this afternoon. I am sure Carson will inform you of her condition. She is not through the worst yet, and Carson looks grave when she goes longer periods without waking.
She asked after you once. I did not speak to her of your pregnancy. I merely said you had stepped out to fetch something. She drifted off again shortly thereafter and did not bring the subject up again.
Laura felt tears well up in her eyes regardless of Kate's injunction not to feel guilty. She could not help it. Her place was at the queen's side, and the thought of her dear friend asking for her without answer made the tears wash down her cheeks for a moment before she could contain them enough to continue reading.
Pray for her and for us, Laura. Keep safe and care for yourself and your child, and hope that we will all be together again soon.
Love,
Kate
For a few moments Laura could do nothing but cry. Her heart ached and she wanted to bolt from the room and run down the hall and demand admittance to the place where all her thoughts now centered. The impulse fortunately lasted only a short while. She wiped her face and managed to compose herself enough to cross into the other room with the lamp. She sat at the desk and wrote out letters of her own, doing her best to sound positive and happy, though she suspected both her husband and friend would see through her efforts easily.
When she had finished, there was a knock on the door, and she let the servant in. The smell of the food the maid carried made Laura's stomach turn over a bit, but she ignored it. They went back into the bedchamber and Laura was glad when the maid said nothing about cleaning up after Laura's sickness. The girl was slightly green when she left but she held her tongue.
"This is all right," Laura told herself, sinking into her husband's chair by the fire. She turned away from the tray of food for the moment as her nausea returned. Carrying a child meant changes to the body, and a woman with child might be ill like this for weeks.
She pressed her hand against her belly and sighed. "How can you be so troublesome already?" she asked, though she was not terribly annoyed. As long as the child was healthy, she could withstand a great deal.
But underneath her fears for Elizabeth lingered Laura's own worries about this child, ones that went beyond its well-being. The pain of childbirth alarmed her somewhat, but what to do afterward was an even greater challenge. She loved her own mother dearly but had been away from her for most of her life. She and Kate and Elizabeth had not had much of a maternal figure in their lives. Some of the women in court had borne children but Laura had only dealt with them in passing. She felt as though standing on the edge of a foreign country. She had thought of children in the abstract before, but the prospect of actually having one to care for was daunting.
She had been so distracted by concerns of being barren, she had not thought much beyond that until now. What if she could bear a child but could not be a mother? Where would she go for help?
If Carson knew where her thoughts were wandering, he might laugh and chide her for worrying so much. Even if he were nervous about becoming a father, he would rightly point out that there was not much to be gained from it now, when the child was more than half a year away from a need for parenting. They had plenty of time to ask for guidance.
Given how eager people had been to offer unsolicited opinions on the wedding, Laura suspected once it was known she was pregnant, she would quickly have her fill of advice on this new challenge.
She could do this, she told herself. She had once thought she could not make a suitable wife, but day by day she had learned. Surely she could learn to be a good mother too.
Now, if she could just have her friend and queen well and have her husband back, the world might feel righted again. Determinedly, Laura pulled the tray nearer and began to nibble on her food.
A few moments later she dashed for the screen again, cursing in between breaths.
The air held an aura of anxiety as Lord David made his way through the corridors. It was early morning, so in theory the stillness could simply be a result of lack of movement, but David had spent enough time in the palace to recognize its moods. The tension of the last several days had shifted focus, and he suspected that before long, everyone in the palace would know why.
Lady Teyla had come to him the previous afternoon and told him of the queen's illness. The countess had made it plain that in her absence today, someone needed to act to protect the queen's reign and the stability of the government, and since he and Teyla were of equal rank, she expected that person to be him.
While he was willing to do whatever was necessary for her Majesty, David had spent most of the evening unsure as to exactly how he could be of service, until a message had arrived from his daughter. Lord George was recovering from the fever. He would be meeting with Lord Jonathan this morning.
David had risen earlier than usual and as he approached the Marquis of Hammond's chambers, it seemed he had achieved his purpose, for no one was nearby. A servant admitted him and he thanked the ancestors that he found Lord George alone.
The older man looked tired, which was unsurprising. After making some polite inquiries about the gentleman's health, Lord David settled down to business. "I'm certain you have been told of the queen's illness, my lord?"
George looked grave. David had not seen him so distressed since King Edmund's death. "Yes, Master Loki informed me last night that she has taken ill, and that Lord Daniel is not expected to recover."
David nodded. "It is a most fearful time." He drew a breath. "As much as my concerns are with her Majesty and Lord Daniel, I feel there are other events with which you need be acquainted, my lord."
George looked at him in confusion. "What events?"
David began to carefully explain the basic facts of the last few days, including both meetings of the college, the insolence of Glaston and Samuels, and the insubordination of the Marquis of Neill. He did his best to speak plainly and not embellish, but Lord George had been in court most of his life, and David could see the older man understood the ramifications of what had passed in the previous two days.
When David had finished, George looked at him with an intensity that was unnerving. "And your reason for telling me this information, my lord?"
He resisted clearing his throat. "With yourself and Lord Daniel both ill and Sir Jacob away, the ranks of the queen's advisors are perilously thin. The Countess of Athos was called home due to the fever, and she asked me to stand in her place until she returned."
If George was surprised by Teyla's political acumen or her maneuverings, he did not show it.
"There is one other piece of information," David continued. "My daughter sent word last night of news from Iolan. The queen mother... my lord, this same illness has been in the country and she died of it."
The older man startled visibly at that. After a moment, he asked, "What becomes of the young prince, then?"
David sighed. "It seems the assembly in Iolan did not wish to risk a prolonged regency. The crown has reverted to Prince Radek. He will be crowned king within a matter of months, but that is not all. He sent Queen Elizabeth word that he will marry a Lady Miller, who I understand is the sister of Master McKay."
Lord George stared at him. Then he leaned back in the bed and was silent for a long while. At length he said calmly, "This information was sent to the queen?"
"Yes. Kate thought such sudden revelations might have hastened the queen's illness."
George nodded. "I think it unnecessary to add fuel to the fire sure to erupt here. For now, the news from Iolan should be kept quiet. It will arrive by other means soon enough."
Before David could ask any questions, there was a knock at the door, and a servant announced Lord Jonathan.
Jack halted near the threshold at the sight of David sitting with Lord George, but he said nothing of it. For his part, David found anger welling inside of him. Having to recount the ghastly turn of events to George had reminded him of the damage this man had done to the queen and possibly the country. However, this was not the time or place to bring it up.
Even recovering from illness, George was a superior politician. He coughed and beckoned Jack closer. "Gentlemen, we must discuss what is to be done and how this news is to be shared with the college. The queen's illness will not remain secret for long, if it has been secret at all."
"An announcement must be made," David agreed. "Preferably this morning, before the rumors have time to swell."
Jack's eyes flickered to David for a moment, but he said nothing.
George appeared to be considering the situation, then he turned to David. "My lord, I think it best you address the college. Give Hurst instructions to call them to assemble and then give them what information Beckett has offered."
David did his best to keep his expression neutral. "May I ask what your reasoning is, my lord?"
George looked grim. "It is no secret that if something should happen to her Majesty, the crown may pass to you, Lord David. I would have the nation see you playing an integral role as we care for the country during the queen's illness. Hopefully, it will stave off rumors and plots."
It was not the reason David himself wanted to undertake this task, but that did not make it any less sound. "I understand, my lord. With your permission, I will go speak to Lord Benjamin."
George nodded. David glanced towards Jack and inclined his head slightly, as technically Jack outranked him. Not that David was putting much store by rank at the moment.
For his part, Jack barely recognized the gesture. His attention was focused on George, and David quit the room, rather relieved to escape before the confrontation about to take place between the two marquises.
*~*~*~*
In a lighter mood, Jack might have felt as though he was a boy awaiting a scolding as Lord David left him alone with Lord George. But another mostly-sleepless night had stripped Jack of any semblance of humor. He had lain awake many hours, every noise making him start with fear of a messenger coming to tell him Elizabeth was worse, or that Daniel was dead.
Now he sat awaiting the judgment of the man he regarded as a mentor and teacher, and the discomfort and fear was far worse than any boy could feel for some prank gone awry.
As usual, he had underestimated Lord George once again. Though it was obvious David had acquainted him with what had happened during his illness, George regarded him seriously but calmly and said, "Jack, explain your part in this."
Haltingly, he told his tale. His reasons for going against Elizabeth seemed ever more futile the more time lapsed, but he did not offer excuses. There were none to be had.
When he finished, George looked at him closely. "When you returned from Neill, you told me of the gunpowder. I agreed with you then, and still agree, that it would be a worthwhile tool and should be pursued. What I do not understand is why you would force the issue at such a moment, when the queen was struggling to defend her influence with the college as well as her own people, and was without the counsel of both Daniel and myself."
"It was not my intention to go so far," he protested. "You know that I do not think so far ahead."
The self-deprecation did not do anything to deflect the conversation. "In this instance, it seems you hardly thought at all."
Jack winced. He stared at the floor for a moment. "I saw Elizabeth acting impulsively, pursuing a course of action I felt was stubborn and dangerously single-minded, one that could leave us vulnerable to the Goa'uld or to an unexpected enemy like the Ori." Before George could speak he held up a hand. "It is my responsibility to consider the security of the country above anything else. I have already been made aware that there are aspects to this situation I failed to consider."
"Such as that pursuing this weapon may arouse suspicion and make Atalan even more of a target than she already is?"
He nodded, thinking of how quickly Sarah had pointed out a consideration that had never entered his own head. The other man did not even touch on the continuing threat of the Wraith.
George sighed. "What disturbs me, Jack, is that you have acknowledged your own shortcomings many times in the past, but at no point in the last few days have you considered that because of those shortcomings, you may need to listen to someone else on this subject. Usually you are intelligent enough to seek out other opinions to fill in those areas you know you are not master of. In this case, however, when a great deal was depending on your ability to think clearly, you utterly failed."
The words nearly felt like a physical blow. The condemnation in George's eyes was unbearable. He wanted to defend himself, to point out that his best friend lay dying and he had Sarah's welfare and his son's continued misgivings weighing on his mind, but he knew those were the very reasons why he should have been more dispassionate than he had been. If Elizabeth had been single-minded, he had been far more so, and he should have been the one to set an example for her by stepping back and considering the situation rationally, instead of allowing emotion to cloud his thinking and acting without forethought.
He could summon no words to say in his own defense. Eventually, George sighed. "I do not know what Elizabeth's mood will be when she recovers." The marquis did not use the word "if" but Jack thought of Daniel, lying in his curtained room and no longer moving even in sleep, and found it difficult to swallow.
The older man continued, "There is no one in Atalan as qualified as you to lead the army, but I suspect your level of influence over the monarch will wane, at the least temporarily. And I cannot say I would blame her Majesty for such a decision. In the meantime, it would be best if you were seen - but not often - and refused to answer questions. Elizabeth's illness will raise suspicions and fears and having so recently stood in opposition to her, it will not take much to start foolish tongues wagging about your ambitions."
Jack nodded, even though both of them knew the absolute last thing in the world he would ever want would be more power and responsibility in court. His desires were not important now; appearances were. Also, he would hardly dare defy the Marquis of Hammond at this juncture.
They looked at one another for a moment and Jack saw plainly the other words George was not speaking. He had let down Lord George, and Daniel, and Elizabeth, and done so at a particularly vulnerable moment. More than that, he had failed to keep the oath he had sworn to King Edmund, in spirit if not in letter. Elizabeth's protection and well-being should have been his motivation, not his own convictions of what was needed.
Disappointment - George's disappointment with him and Jack's disappointment with himself - engulfed him.
In a low voice, he conceded, "I will accept whatever decision her Majesty makes on this matter."
He stood before any more words could be exchanged, not sure he could bear further scrutiny just now. "I should let you rest. I would not risk your recovery." He bowed and hastened from the room, not sure where he was to go, but knowing he could not bear to linger in that room any further.
*~*~*~*
After leaving Lord George to speak to Lord Jonathan - or roast him on a spit in his fireplace - David sought out Benjamin Hurst. He informed the older man of his orders from the Marquis of Hammond, as well as a few details concerning the announcement he had to make to the college. Hurst was trustworthy, and known to be very fond of the queen.
Working together, they gathered a veritable army of pages, who were sent out with summons for the various members of the college. By late morning, they were assembled. David followed Lord Benjamin into the chamber. The older man sat down, but David remained standing in front of the empty throne.
He took a deep breath, taking note that practically every eye in the college was on him. Hurst had barely called the college to order when David was addressed.
"Lord David," Samuels shouted above the chaos, "I demand to know what is happening -"
Matthew of Glaston was standing next to Samuels, looking equally irate. "Where is the queen?" he demanded just as loudly. "Or Lord Jonathan?"
Many other lords added their voices to the query, but David said nothing in response, merely waiting. After some minutes, they realized that he was remaining silent and began to close their mouths themselves.
When the large room was finally still, David spoke. "Thank you," he said. "I have been requested by others to inform you of our current situation."
"What situation?" Glaston challenged.
David pressed his lips together in irritation. This puppy had caused a great deal of trouble for many people, most especially the queen, and he was grating on David's already-frayed nerves. Taking a deep breath, he replied in a measured tone, "If you will wait in silence, my lord, I would be able to inform you."
Glaston glared at him, but did not respond. There was a round of approving murmurs at that.
Nodding to himself, David continued, "There is no simple way of saying this, so I shall be blunt with all of you. Soon after yesterday's session, Queen Elizabeth collapsed in her private study."
Silence reigned for a brief moment and David saw several men go pale. Before anyone could begin to comment, he continued. "She was discovered by Captain Lorne and he immediately summoned Doctor Beckett. After a thorough examination, the doctor determined that the blood fever has taken hold of her. He believes that the constant stresses that have been placed upon her since her return to Atlantis weakened her physical condition and left her more susceptible to illness."
The lords began to speak then, many demanding reassurance that the queen was being watched carefully and being given every consideration. David nodded to some of them, but his eyes swept over several individuals in particular. The Viscountess of Berwynn had a grim expression on her face, but no surprise. That led him to conclude that she had already been made aware of Elizabeth's condition. Most likely Lord Jonathan had informed her.
Samuels, on the other hand, looked furious, and David wondered cynically if the man was put out because the queen had the gall to become ill just as he was bringing a great deal of political pressure to bear on her. Glaston, however, turned an unpleasant shade of green, which was more satisfying.
Richard Woolsey was pale as well, and inched closer to him, as though he wanted to speak to him. David turned his gaze away from the man. He had not forgotten the man's treachery the previous day, changing the agreed-upon compromise without informing anyone, and yet also keeping David's name on it to garner further support. That alone proved the man untrustworthy in David's eyes, but now was not the time to think of such things.
He raised his hand and the lords eventually quieted again. "Everything is being done to ensure her Majesty's recovery," David informed them. "There is also some good news. The Marquis of Hammond woke late last night, and is steadily improving. I have no doubt he will rejoin our number as soon as is feasible."
He stepped down from the dais. "Everyone needs to remain calm," he stated. "It is imperative that no one incite panic during this time, and that we keep everything running as smoothly as possible during her Majesty's illness."
The college disbanded quickly thereafter, following a succession of pleas to take their best wishes to the queen for her health. Most of the lords looked worried and grave. Still, given the recent actions of many in the college, David knew they would bear watching. The situation could change at any moment, and he needed to remain vigilant.
*~*~*~*
The awful heat of previous weeks had gone, but the weather on the island continued to be stormy. Heavy rain passed over the palace late in the afternoon, and a fog stretched over land and sea as night came on.
Master Loki sent Peter away from Lord Daniel's room around suppertime for some air. He had been sitting vigil over the duke all day. Peter had learned the previous day when he returned to the queen's chamber that she was ill. He spent the better part of the afternoon hovering in the antechamber until Beckett told him there was naught he could do for the queen, except pray.
Captain Lorne had promised that should the queen require any service, Peter would be sent for immediately. He'd wandered the castle until he found himself near Lord Daniel's rooms and decided if he could not be of material service to the queen, the least he could do was sit with her cousin. Peter had been born and raised in Langford, and the duke was the reason Peter served Queen Elizabeth at all. With the palace so preoccupied with the queen, someone owed the Duke of Langford at least this much courtesy.
Lord Daniel had not woken in nearly two full days now. His breathing, which had been horribly loud the night before, had settled during the day, and Peter's heart had clenched in his chest as he realized Daniel lay dying before him.
He went to the dining hall. Every head had turned to Peter when he walked in, but he had no news to offer. Reluctantly he ate his meal in silence. No one seemed to have much of an appetite. Master McKay sat nearby, poking at his bowl rather than consuming it with his usual enthusiasm.
Peter was unused to idleness. Since last winter, after he had accepted the position as the queen's personal secretary, he had known few unoccupied hours. Most mornings he rose at the same time as the queen, and did not get to bed until after she was finished for the day. Aside from Lady Laura and Lady Katherine and the captain of the guard, Peter was with the queen the most. It felt unnatural to have not seen her for days.
Knowing it was futile, he made his way to the queen's chambers. One look at the guards standing nearby told him all, but he entered the room anyway.
His inquiries received the reply he expected. Peter attempted not to let his frustration show, but the door opened and Lady Katherine stepped out to summon a servant to fetch food for herself and Beckett. She caught sight of him and offered a wan smile. "I'm afraid there is little change."
"Has she wakened at all?"
Kate sighed. "She was in and out of consciousness this afternoon, long enough to inquire if there was news. I was able to tell her Lord George is recovering."
"Did that cheer her any?" Peter asked anxiously.
"Some, though she asked about Lord Daniel as well."
Peter looked away. "There has been no change, but I fear it may only be a matter of hours."
The silence seemed to grow heavier. Kate glanced at the floor and then straightened. Peter noticed she was holding two folded pieces of paper in her hand. "Peter, will you do something for me?"
"Anything," he said with alacrity.
Kate held out the papers. "Carson and I have each written to Laura. She is... indisposed at the moment and unable to attend the queen in person." Peter had been wondering about this strange circumstance. The rumor in the palace was that Lady Laura was perhaps sick herself. "Would you bring these to her for us?"
"Of course, my lady." Peter took the notes willingly. It was good to feel useful, even if it was only a matter of a few steps down the hallway.
"And if..." Kate had to steady herself for a moment. "Should there be news of Lord Daniel..."
Peter swallowed. "I will come here first," he promised.
*~*~*~*
Laura's days now seemed dreadfully long, filled with nothing to do and everything to worry about. After parting with Kate on the morning of Elizabeth's collapse, the only people she had seen were the servants who brought her food. As a result, she had caught up on all the mending and sewing that always seemed to be forgotten when things were busier, and her chambers were as clean as they had been the morning Kate and Elizabeth had proudly shown her and Carson where they would begin their married life.
Now that memory was painful, knowing she was shut out from helping her two dearest friends. It did not help that she was merely down the hall from Elizabeth's chambers. Every noise in the corridor made her jump. Several times she had gone to the door and only just stopped herself from opening it. To be so close yet so cut off was driving her mad.
In the afternoon on the second day, the immense tiredness came over her again and she curled up on her bed and fell asleep. She had not slept much the night before due to worrying. Unfortunately, when she awoke, it was nearly dark and she did not feel refreshed. Instead she felt quite wretched. She had one panicked moment of thinking that she has contracted the fever after all, but then she remembered why she was cloistered.
With a sigh, she stood from the bed, only to grab her head as dizziness overwhelmed her. She just barely made it to the screened corner of the room where she could be sure of vomiting into something instead of on the floor.
It took some time over the noises of the sickness for her to hear the knock at the door. "Just a moment," she called when her stomach had ceased rebelling entirely.
Master Grodin was at the door to her bedchamber. He looked alarmed. "My lady, are you all right? Do I need to send for-" No doubt he had been about to suggest her husband but he remembered that Carson had his hands full at the moment and checked himself. "A physician?"
"No, thank you, Peter," she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Peter was not ill, but Laura did not approach him, mindful of her promise to Carson. "I do not believe this illness is one a doctor could treat." Her heart beat wildly for a moment with hope. She had not become nauseous last time, and while it was the antithesis of a pleasant sensation, Laura believed it had to be a good sign.
Peter was eyeing her curiously. "Forgive my impertinence, my lady, but are you with child?"
Laura offered Peter a small smile. "We have not been entirely sure, Peter, though this seems to be further proof."
"And this is the reason you have not been with the queen," Peter surmised. "I had wondered."
Laura nodded, holding a kerchief to her mouth for a moment. "I am unsurprised. My absence down the hall is probably fueling all manner of speculation." Her stomach cramped again, but in this case Laura suspected it was not from pregnancy but guilt. Peter looked apologetic, but she waved it off. Court gossip was a fact of existence, even in times such as these. Then her eye caught on something white that Peter held in his hand.
He noticed and came close enough to hold out the folded papers. "Your husband and Lady Katherine asked me to deliver these to you on my way. They knew you would be anxious for news."
"Is there any?" she asked, even as she clutched her letters.
He shook his head. "There has been little change today. I assume you knew Lord George woke last night, and that the college has been informed?"
She nodded, for the maid had told her as much earlier. "Lord Daniel?"
Peter looked grim. "It will probably not be long now."
Laura's heart clenched. It seemed impossible for Daniel to be gone. He had been a constant presence in her life as long as Laura had lived in Atlantis.
Peter seemed to guess her wish for privacy and soon departed. Laura moved to the chair before the fire and opened her letters eagerly.
My love -
I am sorry I have no news to report. The queen has been awake some this afternoon, and she seems more in possession of her faculties than did her cousin at this stage, but I cannot allow myself to take anything for granted. She has not eaten much and the fever continues to keep her in its grip.
My one consolation is that you are safe. Write to me, even if it is just a few lines, to tell me how you fare. Know that my heart is with you even though I cannot come to you myself.
I love you.
Carson.
Laura resolved immediately to go to the desk in the other room as soon as she had finished Kate's letter and write back to her husband. Kate's letter was longer than Carson's had been.
Dearest Laura -
I hope you are well enough through these long days. I wish you here with all my heart but do not let guilt weigh upon you. Elizabeth would never allow you to endanger a child on her behalf and I find myself clinging to the hope that your isolation will protect you and the baby. It may be the one good thing to come of this.
Elizabeth has been awake some this afternoon. I am sure Carson will inform you of her condition. She is not through the worst yet, and Carson looks grave when she goes longer periods without waking.
She asked after you once. I did not speak to her of your pregnancy. I merely said you had stepped out to fetch something. She drifted off again shortly thereafter and did not bring the subject up again.
Laura felt tears well up in her eyes regardless of Kate's injunction not to feel guilty. She could not help it. Her place was at the queen's side, and the thought of her dear friend asking for her without answer made the tears wash down her cheeks for a moment before she could contain them enough to continue reading.
Pray for her and for us, Laura. Keep safe and care for yourself and your child, and hope that we will all be together again soon.
Love,
Kate
For a few moments Laura could do nothing but cry. Her heart ached and she wanted to bolt from the room and run down the hall and demand admittance to the place where all her thoughts now centered. The impulse fortunately lasted only a short while. She wiped her face and managed to compose herself enough to cross into the other room with the lamp. She sat at the desk and wrote out letters of her own, doing her best to sound positive and happy, though she suspected both her husband and friend would see through her efforts easily.
When she had finished, there was a knock on the door, and she let the servant in. The smell of the food the maid carried made Laura's stomach turn over a bit, but she ignored it. They went back into the bedchamber and Laura was glad when the maid said nothing about cleaning up after Laura's sickness. The girl was slightly green when she left but she held her tongue.
"This is all right," Laura told herself, sinking into her husband's chair by the fire. She turned away from the tray of food for the moment as her nausea returned. Carrying a child meant changes to the body, and a woman with child might be ill like this for weeks.
She pressed her hand against her belly and sighed. "How can you be so troublesome already?" she asked, though she was not terribly annoyed. As long as the child was healthy, she could withstand a great deal.
But underneath her fears for Elizabeth lingered Laura's own worries about this child, ones that went beyond its well-being. The pain of childbirth alarmed her somewhat, but what to do afterward was an even greater challenge. She loved her own mother dearly but had been away from her for most of her life. She and Kate and Elizabeth had not had much of a maternal figure in their lives. Some of the women in court had borne children but Laura had only dealt with them in passing. She felt as though standing on the edge of a foreign country. She had thought of children in the abstract before, but the prospect of actually having one to care for was daunting.
She had been so distracted by concerns of being barren, she had not thought much beyond that until now. What if she could bear a child but could not be a mother? Where would she go for help?
If Carson knew where her thoughts were wandering, he might laugh and chide her for worrying so much. Even if he were nervous about becoming a father, he would rightly point out that there was not much to be gained from it now, when the child was more than half a year away from a need for parenting. They had plenty of time to ask for guidance.
Given how eager people had been to offer unsolicited opinions on the wedding, Laura suspected once it was known she was pregnant, she would quickly have her fill of advice on this new challenge.
She could do this, she told herself. She had once thought she could not make a suitable wife, but day by day she had learned. Surely she could learn to be a good mother too.
Now, if she could just have her friend and queen well and have her husband back, the world might feel righted again. Determinedly, Laura pulled the tray nearer and began to nibble on her food.
A few moments later she dashed for the screen again, cursing in between breaths.