Fic: Precipice (3/3)

[angelqueen04]

Meta info in Part I
Part II



Carson leaned against the wall of the parapet and looked out over the torchlight in the city below. The fortress contained so many levels, clinging as it did to the mountainside, from every window seemed to be a grand view of the mountains and the foothills or Kingstown, or all of them.

The moon was rising in the east. A cool breeze chilled his skin but he didn't move. Laura would probably preparing for bed soon but he was reluctant join her yet. He did not know what to tell her. She needed to rest and let her body heal from what had happened, but it was not merely a matter of her physical illness this time.

There was no way to be sure that she had been pregnant. Carson hardly knew what to do or say, much less feel. He had dreamed of having children with Laura, of course. Had pictured himself resting a hand against her swollen belly, imagined seeing her holding their baby in her arms. They had not been taking any steps to prevent conceiving, but neither had they been deliberately attempting it either. They were still finding their footing with each other and their marriage. And they were both young and healthy.

He had not been thinking of this yet. And now, he thought he should be grieving, but there was only a small sense of loss. How could he grieve something he had not known was there? He was actually more worried about Laura, who had been quiet and withdrawn from everyone. He feared to push her just now, but her silence disturbed him.

Marcus Lorne came out onto the parapet, turning Carson's thoughts from his own troubles to someone else's.

Laura had confided to Carson before they left Atlantis that the captain intended to propose to Kate. It had made sense he would have done so when they could appeal to her father for his permission, but clearly something had gone amiss. While he was not much for gossip, Carson suspected that if Kate's family had objected, the two of them would not be so angry with each other as they were now, which suggested something else was wrong between them.

Marcus wandered slowly along the narrow balcony for a moment before coming to rest not far from Carson. He seemed to be casting wary glances out of the corner of his eye. "Doctor."

"Captain."

He and Marcus were not the closest of friends. Carson was not quite sure how to begin the conversation until Marcus spoke. "How is Laura feeling?"

"She is better today. She resumed some of her duties with the queen."

Marcus nodded. He knew that, of course, although he had been more removed from the queen's presence for the last few days than he had since the coronation. Carson turned to face him. "How is Kate?"

Marcus stiffened and glared. "You shall have to ask her yourself."

Carson rolled his eyes in exasperation. "What did you do?"

The other man turned on him, furious. "Why do you automatically blame me?"

"You proposed to her, didn't you?" he retorted. The look on Marcus' face answered that question. "Women generally do not reject the proposals of men they are in love with, unless the fool hopelessly bungles the proposal."

"I -" Marcus began and then stopped. He shrugged and leaned his elbows on the stone wall. His voice was bitter and almost sullen for a grown man. "The lady looked rather horrified at the prospect of being my wife. I imagine the differences in rank between us were brought home to her by spending time with her family and she realized she did not wish to lower herself for a man who can't offer her what she is used to having."

"Don't be daft," Carson snapped. "Kate doesn't give two pins about ranks and titles, and you know that."

"What ladies say and what they truly believe are very rarely one and the same," Marcus said with so much venom Carson blinked for a moment.

"Marcus, you have known her for nearly five years. You cannot honestly believe Kate would reject your suit for such a reason."

He shrugged, looking grim. "You did not see her fawning over the simpleton marquis in Iolan."

Carson blinked, shocked. "That's what this is about?" he asked incredulously. "You think she had any real affection for that idiot? He nearly got her killed!" It had been that man's information that sent Kate and Rodney's sister on their investigation into Simmons' quarters. The outcome had been important for the queen but Carson would never forget the fear on Kate's face or the marks on her neck after she was nearly strangled to death.

Marcus said nothing else, just stared out at the darkening landscape in stony silence. Carson thought for a moment. "Is that why you proposed?"

"What?"

"Did you ask Kate to marry you because you were jealous of Aaron of Kensmere?"

"No." Disbelief must have been evident on Carson's face, for Marcus shook his head vehemently. "No. I resolved to ask for Kate's hand at your wedding reception, Carson."

"Then why on earth did you wait until now?"

Marcus sighed. "The journey to Iolan was so hectic, and in the aftermath, the queen has had much to deal with. There did not seem to be an opportune moment, and then I believed it would be best if we could speak to her father and mother together."

Carson moved a little closer and mirrored his posture. "Marcus, I won't ask what precisely happened between you, but you must acknowledge that if I came to that conclusion about your motives, it is not unreasonable for Kate to do so as well."

"I do not know what her conclusions are any more," Marcus said angrily.

"Have you asked? Without becoming angry?" he added hastily.

"She has also known me for five years, Carson. She should know me better than that," he shot back. "I should not need to spell it out for her after all this time."

Carson groaned under his breath. He recognized much of himself in those words. His uncertainty on how to speak to his wife after what had happened had led to a silence that was doing them more harm than good, whether they admitted it or not. Hearing it from the mouth of the captain made it that much clearer. "So," he said slowly, "you will both proceed to expect something of each other that is completely impossible and allow it to destroy your love? You will lose her over this, Marcus." The captain winced. "If you do not attempt to talk with her openly, you will lose her. Is your pride more important to you than Kate is?"

He got no reply, but he did not really expect one. He left Marcus there staring up at the moon and made his way to his own rooms. Laura would return soon and Carson felt he should take his own advice and speak to his wife, rather than hoping silence would somehow mend things by invisible magic.

Jack had been occupied most of the day, though in the back of his mind he was turning over what Elizabeth had said regarding Charles the night before. However as the evening drew about the fortress he turned his attention to the queen's affairs and sought Elizabeth out in her rooms.

She settled herself at the table, inviting him to join her. Laura and Kate sat nearby. It was the first time Jack had seen Laura attending the queen since their arrival, and to his eye she still looked too pale and distant.

Elizabeth drew his attention back to herself. "What business do you have for me this evening?"

"I'm terribly sorry," he replied, "but all I have is a stack of diplomatic correspondence that will put us all to sleep."

Elizabeth feigned puzzlement. "Since when have I ever allowed you near matters of diplomacy?" she teased.

"It is a dark day indeed, my lady."

They were carefully picking their way through a reply to Doranda when Elizabeth sat back and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sometimes I hate having to be so precise and so vague at the same time," she said. "It seems a thousand times worse in writing."

Jack smiled sympathetically. "It's easier to communicate nuance and overcome confusion face to face."

Elizabeth rolled her shoulders and got back to work. "I wonder if that would hold true of King Henry," she remarked wryly.

He didn't think much of it at first, as she was already back to work, but as he observed her for the next little while he noticed a thoughtful look on her face. She got more and more detached from her task, and Jack wanted to groan. He knew what that meant. This was the birth of an idea.

Whatever she was contemplating, however, she didn't communicate to them, though Jack was sure it would come out eventually. Instead, when they had finished their work, she looked at him and said, "I believe I will extend my stay in Neill, Jack. I find the area most agreeable, and I feel this as good a time as any to begin acquainting myself with those nobles whom I do not yet know."

Jack thought of his conversation with his son on the evening of the queen's arrival and suppressed a smile. "I certainly have no objections to that, my lady."

She smiled at him brightly and then turned her attention to her two ladies. "Laura," she said, "I had always intended for you and Carson to be able to visit your family while we are in the south, much as I intended Kate to visit hers while we were near. You and Carson could go to Hardfort and see them while I curry favor with some of these lords and ladies, if you wish it."

Laura clearly did not expect that. "I..." she began. "I believe my husband and I would both prefer to visit my family."

Elizabeth smiled, almost gratefully. "I am glad," she said. "It is so far from here to Atlantis. I hate depriving them of you for so long."

"My parents will be very grateful, Elizabeth."

Though Laura was clearly doing better, Jack's concern for her flared up again as he watched her. When they had finished with the letters, Jack offered to escort Laura back to her bedchamber, and Laura accepted without hesitation.

They got some distance away from Elizabeth's guards before Jack spoke. "I am pleased to see you feeling better, Laura," he said lowly.

Laura looked a little startled, and she blushed. "Thank you, Jack."

Laura and Carson's bedchamber was around the corner, and they walked the rest of the distance in silence before Jack decided to ask her what had been at the back of his mind ever since her first dizzy spell on the mountain. "Laura," he began, gently taking her hand in both of his, "this sickness you have suffered since arriving here - it is not because of the mountains, is it?"

She bit her lip, looking little like her normal self, or even the pretty and rambunctious seven-year-old who had first come to court eleven years ago. "No, I..." She squeezed his fingers. "I think I was carrying a child, Jack, but... something went wrong."

Jack pulled one of his hands free to smooth back her hair. She looked miserable, and it hurt to see her thus. "I confess, I suspected as much," he told her gently.

Surprise seemed to mitigate her sadness. "You did?"

He nodded. "I was hard-pressed to believe that a mere mountain could douse your spirits, Laura."

She smiled and almost laughed, and some of the weight lifted off Jack as well. "Jack, I don't know what to do," she said after a moment. "Carson and I have only ever talked about having children in the most abstract way. I know it is the natural result of being married, but -"

Jack held up a hand to silence her. "Laura, do you remember my advice to you on your wedding day?"

Laura smiled sheepishly. "To talk to Carson when I am worried or distressed."

He nodded once. "I will not help you violate my own counsel," he said, making her smile broaden a little. "But when you have spoken to him, if you still wish to talk, I will listen."

Laura nodded, seeming too overcome to speak for a moment. Instead, she rose up on her toes and threw her arms around his shoulders. Jack wrapped his arms around her out of instinct, but there was genuine affection in the embrace too. Though he loved all three of the young women who had been so long in his care, sometimes Laura especially seemed like the daughter he'd never had.

"The queen does not know?" he asked, rather sure of the answer.

"No, I have not had the chance to speak to her yet. Or Kate." He nodded, saying nothing else. It was not his business to repeat such things, even to Elizabeth.

She pulled away after a few moments, and Jack kissed her forehead. "Remember what I said, Laura," he told her.

She nodded, opening the door and slipping into the room. "Thank you, Jack."

Elizabeth had truly intended to retire early after speaking with Jack. Staying awake to observe the eclipse the night before had left her rather exhausted. She had followed Jack and Laura as they had left the room, intending to ask Master Stackhouse that she not be disturbed for the rest of the evening. Kate was inside, finishing gathering up the correspondence, intending to put it with the rest of the papers in the desk.

When Elizabeth stepped out into the hallway, however, she spotted two unexpected opportunities. First, Marcus had reappeared from his off-duty time, most likely to set the guard shifts for the night as he always did. The second was Charles, in the shadow of one of the arches that were spread along the corridor. Elizabeth saw his intent expression, so similar to his father's, and glanced in the same direction. She saw only Jack leading Laura down the hallway.

She looked in Marcus' direction briefly. In that moment, she remembered Laura's frustrated suggestion from earlier that day, that they lock him and Kate in a room together until they sorted out their dispute.

Elizabeth blinked. It had been too ludicrous to contemplate, and she still didn't believe involving herself in Marcus and Kate's conflict was the best idea, but perhaps… She would have to act quickly.

"Captain," she said. "I am going for a walk. If you could let Kate know to not wait up for me?" Without giving him a chance to respond, Elizabeth turned to look at the man still standing in the shadows. "Lord Charles, would you care to join me?"

She watched as Jack's son blinked rapidly before looking at her. After a moment, he nodded. "As you wish, Majesty." He stepped out of the shadows and offered her his arm. Elizabeth took it and looked back to Marcus. He looked torn, even bewildered, as she began to walk away, Master Stackhouse and two other guards following her.

Elizabeth allowed Charles to take the lead and he eventually led her out into a small courtyard. The evening air was chilly, and she wished she had brought a shawl, but Elizabeth was not about to go back for one. Putting thoughts of Kate and Marcus out of her mind, she glanced at her companion. Charles appeared occupied, his thoughts far from the torch-lit courtyard.

"It is a shame you could not come to court when you were younger," she commented, breaking the silence. "My ladies and I would have welcomed your company."

Charles jerked slightly and stared at her. "Surely you did not lack for companionship, my lady," he replied after a moment. Elizabeth wondered if she was only imagining the faintest tinge of bitterness in his voice.

She shook her head. "Laura and Kate have been with me since before the deaths of my parents, but I spent most of the time since then surrounded by older men." Elizabeth smiled tentatively at him. "Though I dare say your father did his best to make up for it. He often behaves like a man half his age."

Charles only nodded, and Elizabeth saw his expression grow even more closed at the mention of Jack. She sighed inwardly. Perhaps bringing to light the fact that Jack had spent more time in Atlantis with her and her ladies than he had with his own son in his own province was not the wisest idea? Still, she pressed on.

"Lord Daniel is my closest kin. At times he is more brother than cousin, at others I think he fancies himself more a dictator than a confidant." Charles gave a polite smile at her joke. She continued, as if speaking casually. "Lord George has been the closest thing I have known to a father since I was eight years old. But his charge was to raise me, as Captain Sumner's was to protect and Daniel's was to teach. Of all of them, I must admit, your father has always held a special place to me. He has been a friend, even though so many hours of his time have been paid for by himself and his family. I know he has regretted being so much from home almost every day of the last ten years."

She looked towards the flowerbeds. Given the castle's location on the mountain, they were not as full and bright as the gardens of Langford or even those of Atlantis, but the flowers were still quite pretty in the moonlight.

"Jack was in Atlantis when my father died," Elizabeth said softly. "He was even at his deathbed, something my mother and I were denied due to illness and youth. Jack told me later that all those in that room promised to see me safely onto the throne. One those men even lost his life for it." She stopped when she noted that Charles had moved to her right, staring at the flowers. "All of them have paid a price, but I think Jack's pain is greater, for I believe he continues to pay dearly for his loyalty to my father and to me."

Charles shot her a swift, penetrating look at that.

Elizabeth feared to say any more, and the chill outside was growing stronger. She couldn't suppress a shiver.

Charles appeared to notice, despite his preoccupation. "May I offer you my cloak, Majesty?" he asked, with a tad more genuine concern in his voice, his hands already going up to the strings to untie it.

She shook her head. "Thank you, but I think it will save us both the freezing if we just go back inside. I don't think either of us wishes to become ill."

He nodded and held out his arm. They returned to the fortress and passed the corridor where Jack and Laura had disappeared. As they approached the hallway that led to her chambers, Elizabeth spoke lowly. "There is nothing I would not give to have just one more day with my father."

He did not respond to that and she began to bid him good night, until his hand on her arm stopped her. Some of the coldness had faded from his expression, but Elizabeth wasn't sure what effect her words were having. "Majesty," he said carefully, "what you are speaking of is no easy thing, for anyone involved."

"No, it is not," she acknowledged readily. "If it were easy it would not be worthwhile. But in the meantime, I would have you remember that your quarrel lies with someone else. I cannot resolve it for you."

For just a moment, surprise flickered across his face. Charles tamped it down quickly, and Elizabeth almost smiled. She nodded to him, silently bidding him good night before she walked away. The problem was hardly solved - she doubted Charles liked her much better now than before - but at least she has spoken to him about it. She could hardly expect the situation to resolve itself if she held her tongue.

As she came to her chamber door, she could hear raised voices within. There was another situation which would not improve by silence. Hoping that their argument would get the worst over with between Kate and Marcus, Elizabeth walked to the end of the corridor with her two guards following, and stood at the window waiting.

Laura felt the mattress dip as Carson settled beside her. She had been waiting for him, thinking of her conversation with Jack. Her husband did not reach out, though, and hold her as he usually did. Instead he faced her. They stared at one another for a long moment.

"I do not know how to help you now, Laura," he confessed.

"Carson," she began, relieved that he had brought the subject up himself, and then sighed. "I hardly know how I am feeling myself, hour to hour." She bit her lip, her thoughts churning helplessly again. "It seems strange to grieve something we hardly knew existed," she said tentatively.

"I know." He brushed a stray hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear. "I am sorry, but I feel guilty that I am not... bowed down by sadness."

She nodded, and knowing she was not alone in that feeling made her feel free to speak. "I'm frightened, Carson," she confessed in a whisper. "What if it will always be like this? What if I can't carry a child to term?"

His arms suddenly wrapped tightly around her. "Don't, love. Don't torture yourself with such thoughts."

Against his chest, she finally spoke the thing that had haunted her the most. "What if it was the journey-?"

She did not get to finish. Carson lifted her face. "We have no way of knowing what happened, Laura," he told her firmly, his doctor's manner in place. "You are young and healthy and many women who are not so perform extraordinary labor every day while with child. There is absolutely no reason for you to blame yourself for this."

He was saying nothing she did not already know, but his words seemed to finally loosen the hold of her guilt. She snuggled against him, feeling Carson drop a kiss against the top of her head.

"I want to have a baby. Perhaps not right away, but I do want to give you a child."

"I want that as well." Her husband turned them, so that she was lying on her back with him propped up next to her. "But you listen to me, Laura. I did not pledge myself as your husband only under certain conditions. If it is not meant to be, we will face that fact. But we'll do it together."

Laura heard the pain in his voice and shame washed over her. She had been trapped in her own feelings for some days now, and she had not turned to him or offered him comfort when she should have. Carson had been left alone with his own grief while she wallowed, and that had not been fair.

She didn't speak words of apology, but she pulled him down into a gentle kiss that she hoped said what she couldn't utter. Her hand stroked his cheek. "I love you," she told him quietly.

He kissed her again, murmuring words of love and tenderness against her lips. They curled up in the bed together, Laura tucked safely in his arms, and fell asleep.

Kate would not have said it aloud, but she was rather disappointed in Elizabeth's decision to remain in Neill for the time being. While she could understand her motives, Kate found herself longing fiercely for the familiar surroundings of Atlantis and the relative peace of the castle.

She was so very tired. The journey to Iolan had been stressful enough, and the time she had spent at home with her family had provided almost no relief. She was happy to see her mother and siblings again, but in many ways she felt herself a stranger at home. Her brother and sister had not seen her in ten years. While her mother wrote regularly, only her father was familiar to her. And he, to some extent, seemed to still see her as a little girl.

In addition to the loneliness, Kate had endured almost constant lectures from her mother for the entire length of her stay. Her younger sister had been married the previous fall. Kate had been busy with Elizabeth's coronation and unable to attend, and now her sister was with child. Lady Maria had been justifiably excited about the match and her first grandchild, but mixed with the happiness were various subtle reminders that Kate was two years older than her sister and still neither married nor even betrothed. Over and over Kate had been interrogated about the men in court, their suitability as potential husbands, whether any of them had particularly struck her own fancy, and so on until Kate felt only screaming as loudly and long as she could would relieve her feelings. That or blithely informing her mother of her intention not to marry until the queen did so, just to see the look of horror on her face.

And every comment of her mother's had made Kate's heart sink further. Her younger sister had married a viscount. What would her mother say if Kate announced her desire to marry the son of a commoner whose title had been a reward for service?

She would not have broken the news to her mother in such a fashion, of course, even if she and Marcus had been perfectly happy, which had not been the case. During her stay at home Kate had resolved that the two of them needed to have a long conversation about Marcus' accusations and his lack of faith in her, and she had been determined not to permit him to take any liberties with her until they had thrashed that issue out to her satisfaction. She had broken that vow almost immediately upon seeing him, and then out of nowhere he had blindsided her with his proposal. If one could call it that.

In fairness, she had not helped matters then. She had been full of righteous anger at Marcus but Laura's admonishment from earlier was making Kate consider that her own behavior in this matter had not been terribly mature or rational either.

Kate was preparing Elizabeth's things for bed when there was a knock on the door. Expecting a servant, she was shocked to see Marcus enter and close the door behind him.

Memories of their last moment alone together rose up, but instead of anger Kate felt a strong weariness. She was so tired of the tension between them; anything, she thought, might be preferable to continuing to bear this constant uneasiness and hostility.

Marcus seemed as uncomfortable as she felt and for a long minute they stared somewhat dumbly at one another in silence. Finally he shifted from one foot to another and spoke quietly. "There is something I should have told you, before I brought up the idea of marriage between us." At her curious look, he continued, "Do you remember what happened at Laura's wedding party?"

Several things crossed her mind at that moment, not the least of which being finding Elizabeth crying her heart out in the middle of the night, and the resolution which followed. But she suspected Marcus meant something else. "We danced together for the first time," she said in answer.

He nodded, moving a few steps closer. "I resolved on proposing to you at that moment, Kate. To be able to stand up with you before our friends, before everyone, and not have to hide my feelings... I knew it was what I wanted."

Even as her heart thawed over his confession, she felt the tiniest prick of irritation. He had not, after all, asked what precisely she wanted. Aloud, though, she said plaintively, "Then why did you not tell me sooner?"

He sighed. "I am not sure. Several times I nearly spoke to you about it, but the trip came up so swiftly, and everything became complicated so fast. The discovery of Simmons alone caused us all much grief." He left aside their own quarrel and faced her again. "And I did - I do understand, Kate, that the queen needed you. You must know that I have never questioned the duty you owe to her."

Kate sat on the edge of the bed, looking at her lap. She could not help the question, "Then why could you not tell me you trusted me with regard to Lord Aaron?"

He hesitated, and her heart sank. "I trusted your intentions, Kate. I know you were acting out of duty. But please, consider how it was for me to see the woman I hoped would agree to marry me flirting with another man right in front of me, and a man of rank and fortune at that!"

Uncomfortable as it was, Kate forced herself to think of it, to put herself in his place. And yes, she could admit that it would have been painful to witness, but the underlying issue remained. "You know I was not doing it to cause you pain, Marcus. But you cannot even now say that you trusted me fully, only my intentions."

"Your intentions were what mattered," he responded, growing irritated. "I believed your reasons for what you did were good, but I cannot help that I disagreed with your methods. And don't ask me to pretend I could countenance watching you with that man, Kate, and not be furious. He was pursuing you in earnest and you knew it. You cannot expect me to sit still and smile while another man has designs on what is mine."

He stalked the length of the room and so missed the kindling of fury in her face. At other times and in other situations he had intimated such feelings but he had never so baldly declared her to be little more than something he owned. Her mind flashed back to their argument in Iolan, to her feeling that he didn't trust her or respect her judgment enough in that matter, and now here seemed to be further proof. He was jealous not because he feared losing her love, but because she belonged to him and he felt she was behaving inappropriately.

She stood, her anger stiffening her spine. "You presume a great deal, sir, to speak of me so possessively. As you have pointed out before, there was never an official understanding between us."

He met her glare with one of his own. "I was only speaking the truth, my lady," he said with ice in his voice. "Do not play the coquette with me, Kate. I have had your heart since that day in Athos."

He was so sure of himself, and she knew perfectly well that he was right. It only incensed her further. "If you are so certain of that, then you have no good explanation for your jealousy," she shot back.

That seemed to surprise him and he looked away. With a visible slump of his shoulders, he admitted quietly, "I have perhaps too much experience with women speaking to one purpose and then acting on another." His words reminded her of the rumors in the court of his various conquests, which did nothing to soothe her current state of mind.

Marcus shook his head. "My fears got the better of me in Iolan."

It was as close as he had come to an apology since the day of the argument. She wondered for a moment if he would ever simply say the words aloud. But she knew enough to believe that he had been truly afraid. As brave as she knew him to be, she also knew he was terribly conscious of the great divide between an earl's daughter and a commoner's son.

He turned to her again and his voice and his expression very nearly chased her anger away. "I love you," he said quietly, reaching for her hand. "So much that I cannot be sensible or rational about it. I have known for months that I want to be your husband, if you would have me. I have not handled this as I should have and I know that things are not right between us yet. But please, Kate, tell me that I may still hope, that together we may come to an understanding. I do not want to lose you."

Too many emotions were running through her for Kate to be sure of them all. While her pride still churned in anger against him, her heart reminded her that she did love him, when all was said and done. Laura's warning about where this small fight could lead came back to her with his words, along with something else. "I do not want that either, Marcus," she said lowly.

Relief washed over him and he pressed her hand to his lips tightly for a moment. He moved as if to kiss her lips but Kate laid her other hand over his heart and held him back. "There is something I should have told you, something I also realized the night of Laura's wedding."

He looked at her expectantly and she couldn't bear the hopefulness in his face. She drew away. "You recall what passed between Elizabeth and Lord John before he left?"

"Yes," Marcus said, looking confused. "I told you what I witnessed in the stable that day."

"I never told you this, but that night, I woke to find Elizabeth crying. I had not seen her so stricken with grief since we were children." She folded her arms over herself. "You know the burden she bears every day, perhaps better than anyone but Laura or myself. And now, the man she loves is gone, in the middle of a war from which he will probably never return. With Lord John gone and Laura married, I am all she has left."

Kate saw the way suspicion began to color his expression as she finished, "I knew that night that I could not - I cannot abandon her."

"Kate," Marcus began slowly, worriedly. "What are you saying?"

She braced herself. "I cannot desert the queen. I cannot marry anyone until Elizabeth herself takes a husband."

The warmth that had been in his eyes faded completely, and his body went rigid and cold. "You are telling me that you are resolved not to marry - that you have been resolved on this for months without ever giving me any indication of it?"

Kate had been expecting surprise, but her temper slipped a little at his indignation. "You never gave me an indication of wanting to marry me either."

"Never gave you-" he sputtered, before his own temper snapped. "Kate, what in hell did you think I was doing all winter? Did you think I was merely courting you for sport?"

"No," she said automatically, but found she could not say anything further than that token protest, which sounded weak even to her own ears.

Marcus narrowed his eyes at her. "For that matter, what do you think I meant in Athos? Ancestors help me, I wanted to bed you that night, and I could have! If all I had wanted from you was a conquest, do you think I would have missed such an opportunity?" She turned away, feeling her cheeks flush with shame at the memory. It had been his restraint, not hers, that had safeguarded her virginity that night. In the months since, though they had flirted with the limits of both his and her own self-control, he had always pulled away before the line could be crossed.

He went on. "I knew if I had not stopped myself... It would have ruined your reputation for the rest of your life, and I would not have been able to live with that. I cared about you too much to do such a thing."

"I know," she said quietly. Whatever she had said to Laura earlier, she did know that his behavior had been prompted by genuine concern for her, not merely fear for himself.

She heard Marcus walk toward her again, and this time he spoke low and close, his voice full of bitterness. "All these months and you didn't realize I was serious," he said. "Were you?"

Kate's jaw dropped, and she turned around in shock. "How could you think otherwise?"

"How could you believe my intent was not marriage?" he asked, his disbelief mirroring hers. "You've been playing with me, Kate, using me - something I refused to do to you!"

"I have not!" she protested. "I would never treat you in such a manner! How can you even suggest such a thing?"

"You have just told me that after months of receiving my attentions and without so much as hinting anything, you've decided not to marry for possibly years! What else am I supposed to think but that you have been toying with me?"

"I did not come to this decision lightly, or easily," she started, but he cut her off.

"You also did not come to it with any input from me, the man you purport to love."

"As you consulted me on your desire to propose?" she snapped before she could check it.

"My hopes were for our mutual happiness," he countered, his face growing dark. "Your decision imposes a separation upon us of your choosing, not mine."

Kate floundered at the finality in his tone, suddenly afraid. His anger was unlike anything she'd ever seen from him. The look he gave her became cold and calculating and she recoiled from it, for underneath the fury there was so much hurt. She could not take it in.

"Was that it?" he asked with terrifying softness. "Were you seeking some way to escape my attentions and decided to make this vow of celibacy to accomplish it?"

She wanted to rage at him, scream and even slap him until he started making sense, but her voice would only come out in a whisper. "Marcus, how can you think so little of me?"

His lips twisted with cruel humor. "I have never been your equal, Kate. It has always been an obstacle that I feared. I wondered many times that you could dismiss it so casually, but now, oh now it makes sense! If you had no intention of accepting my hand, then of course you would not need to worry about lowering yourself by marrying me."

"How dare you?" she snapped, outraged. "Not five minutes ago you were protesting that you believed my intentions were honorable, and now suddenly I am so without dignity or basic decency that I would treat you in such a way?"

"That was before I knew the truth," he spat out. "This is exactly how you treated Lord Aaron! He was a tool, something you used towards an end. Do I mean just as little to you?"

Kate lost the last bit of her self-control and began screaming. "You're defending him now? After your ridiculous jealousy, your petty attacks on my character and honor, now you want to paint him as a victim of my manipulations?" She could not believe the evidence of her own ears.

"You have just told me you were merely keeping me for entertainment until such time as you were able to procure a more suitable lover," he said with cruel derision.

"Marcus! That is not what I said at all!" she protested. She did not understand how he could believe that her decision meant that everything she had said to him - all the liberties she had allowed him for months - had been false. "Stop assuming my motives were so selfish!"

"Why else would you so casually throw away everything we have been to each other?" he roared, clearly frustrated.

"Duty!" she almost spat out. "You have told me over and over that you understand that my duty to the queen must come before all else, and yet once again you prove that you do not mean it, if you cannot understand that I can't desert her now."

"I could understand that better if you had consulted me on the matter at any point in the last three months!" he repeated. The cold, unnerving mask had slipped and he stared at her in a mix of frustration and bewilderment. "Why did you not tell me?" he asked again.

They were frozen in silence for a moment, and Kate realized that she did not know, even within her own heart, what the true answer to that question was. But her anger was too close to the surface and she dodged the subject. "Do you honestly believe that I intended this to end our relationship?" she asked incredulously. "That I was not sincere in my feelings for you? That I have been playing a part with you for months? You know me better than that!"

His face closed down and Kate felt a rush of fear at the resignation she saw in him. "I thought I did. But you would not be the first woman to use me in such a way."

Kate blinked. She had no idea what he was referring to, as he had never spoken to her about any of the rumors regarding his previous affairs or any other woman he had ever known. But then he turned as if to go. How could he just walk away after everything that had been said? It seemed he was determined to believe the worst of her without even listening to what she was saying. Panic bubbled up within her, along with another rush of anger.

"Marcus, if you walk out that door right now, I will never allow you through it again, except on the queen's business," she said dangerously.

He stood there for a long moment, his back rigid and his hand outstretched toward the door. Kate stared at him, her heart pounding in her ears with the gravity of her threat.

Marcus turned his head slightly, as though wanting to look back at her. But he didn't, his hand going to the door instead. Without a word, he walked away from her, leaving Kate staring at the empty doorway in horrified shock.