Title: “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” - Dr Seuss
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Tomapi
Rating: PG13
Summary: The friendship of Toma and Yamapi never changes. Even till death...
_______________
It was autumn again. The golden hues of crisp leaves stirred up in drifts of breezes, sweeping gently down the street, as Toma focused on a distant oak tree, its branches stripped bare of leaves, naked, exposed under the cool autumn sun.
When he felt his gaze blur enough, he nodded to his assistant nearby.
“And… Roll camera!”
And over and over again. Until he perfected his role as the detective in this year’s highly anticipated Maou.
Ever since that breakthrough roll in Hana Kimi, his career had seemed to hop back on track, at least. Taking in stage plays and dramas, he felt the blood coursing through his veins, everyday bursting in new colours and fragrances, assaulting the senses.
One day, I’ll catch up.
Wait for me.
~
The scene seemed to fade to a distant childhood, not so long ago.
Two youthful boys in scrumpy summer clothes dripping wet frolicked around the riverside.
“Race you to the ice cream truck!” The boy with sharp, slightly feminine features grinned at the other.
“I’m tired-” His friend whined, clearly tired out from a full day of swimming.
“GO!” The boy kicked sand dust on the other as he raced way ahead, turning back occasionally to check his friend’s progression. “Come on! You’re older, you should race better!” He teased.
“Only by a year!” The boy behind sputtered out grains of sand and struggled forward. “P-chan, wait for me!”
“Neh, I can’t wait forever!” The triumphant boy stood by the ice cream truck licking an ice cream cone, waggling his eyebrows as his friend finally stumbled across the finishing line.
No he can’t.
Toma thanked the crew for their effort and grabbed his duffle bag. His assistant briefed him on his schedule for the next day, as his thoughts flew elsewhere.
It was already nightfall when he reached his home. Dim lights were on in the living room. His parents probably left him dinner. He’d have to heat it up again. Toma sighed-
And his breath hitched as somebody wrapped their arms around his chest, squeezing the air out of his lungs.
“Boo.”
His eyes widened as he faced the surprise visitor. Thousands of thoughts rushed through his mind, squeezed out by the first-
“I thought you were on a tour?”
“Yeah, I just got off. Came here straight since I’m getting a day off tomorrow.” The visitor gestured to the luggage stacked in a pile. “Aren’t you going to invite me in? Your parents won’t mind will they?”
“How can they? You’re like their stepson already.” Toma rolled his eyes as he helped with the luggage.
“True.” The visitor grinned. “Just like old times ah?”
Just like old times.
Two grown men sat hugging their knees, cramped in a small room, drinking sake.
“So, I heard you’ve started filming.”
“For a drama.”
“Ah.”
Silence.
“You?”
“Oh you know, tours, recordings, boring stuff.” The uninvited guest stretched his arms out, as muscles rippled through, his abs showing as the singlet rode up.
It wasn’t boring when we were doing it.
~
“YOsh!” The boy deftly dodged a blow as the boy he’d just pounced on swiped him. “Come on, we’ve got to practice.” They troop to the dance studio.
“Someday, I wanna be like them.” The boy points to a picture of SMAP hanging on the wall.
“We all hope Yamapi, we all hope.” His friend pats him on the back.
“And you’re gonna be there with me.” The boy brightens up. “We can be called Yamapi and Toma!”
“What a boring name.” The other boy groans.
“You suggest one then.”
“Toma and P-chan.”
“IT’s the same!”
“Nuh uh, my name’s first.”
“And I don’t want to be called P-chan!”
~
“Toma, Toma!”
Toma glanced at the golden hair young man in front of him, already laying out a tatami mat on the floor.
“Rock paper scissors on who gets the bed.”
Toma stuck out his fist. His friend always showed paper first. His friend would get the bed, but in the end they’ll snuggle up together since no one wanted the floor.
“Goodnight!”
The lights switched off and Toma was left stranded in the darkness.
That was old times. Now…
Toma glanced at the figure on the bed before flopping down to the floor, kicking out the tatami.
Five minutes later.
“Toma, want to share the bed?”
Toma smiled.
It was just like old times again.
~
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams - Dr. Seuss
Toma turned in neck to face the sleeping figure, sharp bridged nose, long eyelashes, and thin defined lips on a feminine oval face.
“Ohaiyo, my dear friend.” The figure fluttered his eyelashes open and grinned at Toma, causing his heart to skip a beat.
“You’re breathing your morning breath all over my face.” Toma grunted and kicked his friend out of bed, who swiftly grabbed Toma’s hand and they both landed with a loud thud on the floor.
“What’s with the racket- Ah, Yamapi-kun” A stout middle aged woman wearing an apron slid open the dividing door.
“Hai, Ohaiyo Toma mama-san.” The person in mention grinned from beneath Toma.
“Playing again? You boys have grown out of wrestling.” The woman made clicking noises with her tongue, but couldn’t keep the smile from creeping up the ends of her lips. “I’ll make extra breakfast.”
“Arigato!” The men scrambled to their feet, Toma hitching a breath as Yamapi’s hands slid past a highly sensitive area across the thigh, then frowned as Yamapi grinned, waggling his eyebrows at him.
“You did that on purpose.” Toma growled.
“You know how it’s like, not having girlfriends ever. How do you get rid of your sexual tension?” Yamapi stands in front of the mirror slanted against a wall, ruffling his hair into shape.
“By doing this.”
And Toma gently blew in Yamapi’s ear, hearing the satisfied sigh of the recipient.
“Toma!” Yamapi hurriedly scrubbed his ear as goosebumps erupted on his arm.
“Ha.” Toma winked at Yamapi and strode out the door.
Yamapi pursed his lips, remembering.
~
“Oi. Truth or dare.” A young Toma prodded Yamapi backstage.
“Truth.” Yamapi flicked Toma’s finger away.
“Where’s your… you know, sensitive spot?” Toma grinned.
Yamapi narrowed his eyes. “Why would you want to know?”
“No questions allowed. You’re playing truth or dare see.” Toma simply replied.
“My… My ear.”
Toma burst into laughter. “Your ear? As in this dangly thing sticking out from the sides of your head?”
Yamapi aimed a punch at Toma.
“Okay, you guys are up to make a speech, let’s go!” The crew worker halts their play as they walk to the front stage, transformed into young performers, young JE performers.
Admidst the shouts and screams of adoring fans, Yamapi spoke into the mike.
“I’d like to thank-”
And then it happened.
A gentle constant breeze of breath just at his left ear.
Which caused him to react on instinct.
And sigh, collapsing slightly to one side.
He could hear the perpetrator laughing away at one side.
But on the other hand,
It did feel good.
~
“Keep your eyes closed.”
“Baka eh, you’ve got a bandana wrapped around my eyes. I can’t see.” Toma stumbled forward, guided by Yamapi’s slender hands.
“Okay, tada!” A flourish as the bandana dropped and a series of houses came into view.
“Uno…” Toma raised his eyebrows quizzically.
“Remember how we promised that we would get houses in the same neighbourhood? Well,” Yamapi gestured to the two houses in front of them, FOR SALE signs racked into the grass in front of the houses. It was a simple two story terrace, in a quiet quaint neighbourhood.
Toma glanced at Yamapi’s glowing face.
“How about it?”
“I think it’s perfect.” Toma broke into a smile.
~
“Toma?” Yamapi kicked a pair of black heels at the door aside. He found the front door unlock and opened it with a turn of the knob. The living room was completely still. He walked further, as a topless Toma gently slipped out of his bedroom with a blissful smile, closing the door as silently behind him.
“Yamapi?” Toma ruffled his hair as he glanced at his companion cum intruder. “When did you come back?”
Yamapi continued staring at the closed bedroom without saying a word, eyes with hidden emotions.
“Uno…” Toma laughed sheepishly. “Don’t disturb her, she’s sleeping.”
Yamapi felt his gaze blur. “Who?” There was the slightest tremble in his voice, unnoticed by a lovestruck Toma, who beamed with new found happiness.
“Maki. Horikita Mak- Yamapi!” Toma shouted as Yamapi abruptly turned on his heel and stumbled out of the house.
A bleary eyed Maki walked out of the room wrapped in Toma’s white bathrobe. “Toma? What happened?”
Toma glanced at the petite girl in front of him and sighed as she came forward to hug him. “Nothing, nothing much. It’s better this way too.”
~
Yamapi watched the news silently, the bustle from the surroundings faded to an ear-jarring monotone.
“Hey! Isn’t that Toma-san and Maki-chan!” Tegoshi pointed at the screen. “Their marriage ceremony’s gonna be a grand affair huh! Golden couple of the year.” He popped a potato chip into his mouth.
“Tegoshi.” Ryo glared at Tegoshi and then glanced towards Yamapi, still motionless in front of the screen. Ryo made a zipping motion across his mouth and reiterated the point at Tegoshi, who sidled off with a guilty shrug.
“Hey.” Ryo found a place next to Yamapi and patted him on the back. “You alright?” Not getting a response from Yamapi, all Ryo could do was to accompany the man in silence, staring transfixed at the screen as the news report ran a detailed hour story about the two famous Japanese celebrities and how they came to be.
“Yamapi-san! Pick up your phone!” A whiney familiar voice rang out as Yamapi snapped out of his trance like state and fumbled to grab his phone. “Damn Tegoshi must have tampered with my ringtone again.” He grumbled. “Moshi moshi, Yamashita here.”
“Hey, you’re finally willing to pick up.”
The phone almost slipped from his ear as he regained his composure and glanced at the phone displaying that number he had been trying to avoid for a week. Cursing himself for being let off guard, he ignored glances from Ryo and walked to a more discreet corner before speaking.
“Hmm.”
“Yamapi. I…” He could hear the distant roar of the ocean, the wind gushing past, captured by the handphone.
“You’re by the beach?”
“Yep. Our spot.” Toma simply replied.
Yamapi cracked a smile and Toma seemed to feel it, his voice rising a notch in relief. “Look, I’m sorry for not telling you earlier. I mean, it all came quite suddenly. You know how Maki’s like, like a tornado with no visible centre to grasp.”
Yamapi nodded as he remembered the times where he interacted with Maki on the set of their filming. He had acted with her in two dramas and a movie, and until now he still could not fathom how her quirky little mind thought. He should be thankful though; that it was a girl that Toma chose that was close to both of them. It wouldn’t be so awkward anyway.
“So, when’s your wedding? I’ll have to ask for advance leave.” Yamapi asked, imagining Toma’s beaming face at the other end.
“AHHHH!!!! Uno uno…” Toma laughed. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t come! I told Maki that we’d have to postpone it till I could convince you to come.”
“Baka de.” Yamapi couldn’t help but grin at Toma’s silliness.
“You have to be my best man.” Toma stated.
“No problem.”
“YES!!! Arigato!”
“Baka ne. No more secrets from me ya?” Yamapi looked up as a crew member signaled him. “Ah, I’ve got to go already.”
“Okay, ganbatte neh Pi-chan!” Toma ended with a cute smack sound through the phone as Yamapi grinned and walked back to the room.
Moments later, he felt his phone vibrate. Reaching out, he opened the MMS and the corners of his lips lifted in delight.
It was a picture with his dear friend in the near shadows, posing a heart shape with his one arm over his head in an arch, with the backdrop of their ocean.
~
Yamapi stared at a young Japanese girl dressed up in a tradional kimono. She had wide round eyes framing a defined almond shape face and a sharp bridged nose.
“Miki, call ojisan!” An elegant middle aged woman came out from the house wearing an apron and waving a ladle.
“O-jik-san!” The girl continued staring at Yamapi.
“She has your eyes.” Yamapi commented to the woman at the doorstep, who smiled serenely. “Dinner will be served in a while. Help me look after her okay?”
“Papa!” The girl’s eyes focused on an object behind Yamapi, as she ran towards the figure with open arms, as the figure picked her up and swung her over his shoulder, laughing and tickling her as she giggled away with peals of joy.
“Hai.” Yamapi glanced at the older Toma, grown all the wiser in his years, playing with his daughter, happiness etched in every crease line on his face. Toma pointed at his girl. “Amazing huh. Thank goodness she follows her mother’s genes!”
“She has your smile though.” Yamapi noticed.
“Heh, she’s going to kill a lot of boys when she reaches adolescent age! But they’ll have to get through me first. Hai!” Toma made a fist chopping movement with his arm. “So anyway, I bought your latest cd. Not bad production huh.”
Yamapi shrugged in response. “Trends change too fast sometimes for me to catch up. The songs kids listen to nowadays… It’s tough to write songs that suit masses.”
Toma clapped an arm over Yamapi. “No worries, at least you’ll know one cd will be bought by your best friend ah?”
Yamapi punched Toma’s arm in response. “You, still doing stageplays?”
“Ya, and I still haven’t forgotten how you missed my last one! You owe me!”
“Oh yea, take it like a man.” Yamapi pummeled his fists in the air for show.
“Oh you asked for it.” Toma placed Miki on the ground and tackled Yamapi into the nearest muddy ground.
“BOYS! No fighting in front of Miki! And dinner’s ready.”
Two men with equally sheepish looks glanced up. “Sorry wifey.” Toma blew a kiss at her as she caught it and pressed her palm onto her cheek, grinning cheekily.
“Eww, get a room!” Miki groaned.
Yamapi laughed. “Maki, your daughter does have your acting genes.” He grabbed her as Toma held her other hand and trooped towards the kitchen for a homely dinner.
~
The smell of antiseptic filled Toma’s nostrils, as he glanced at the white walls around him, eyes continually flicking to the clock hung on the wall.
The doors burst open.
“He’s survived the operation, but is in the icu. You can go and see him one at a time.”
“Yamapi.” Toma sat next to the frail person lying on the bed, IV bags and needles all around. The gentle constant beeps of the heart monitor was the only background sound heard.
“Toma.” Yamapi opened a badly bruised eye. He smiled.
“Shh, rest well. We’re all here for you. You’ll get better.” Toma pat Yamapi’s hand in assurance.
“If I don’t make it… Listen. Go to our secret place. There’s a box buried in the oak tree we used to swing from.” Yamapi’s lips cracked as he gasped for breath.
“DOCTOR!”
~
Toma pried open the rusty box and lifted out a simple bound book.
May 06
Toma and I got into JE, our first performance in the Shonen club.
May 22
Our first performance together
June 8
Toma and I graduated!
Aug 9
Separated.
Dec 10
He’s with Maki now. I have to forget him.
Jan 8
His child is called Miki. A girl I would have loved to have as a child.
Feb 19
Toma’s performance was wonderful.
April 5
Maybe, it’s really time to let go.
July 10
I will never forget a closer friend, or a closer loved one.
Oct 8
His birthday is in a few days. I’m driving down to Hokkaido to get some fresh cockles (his fave) as a surprise. Wish me luck!
~
Japan today mourned the loss of one of the hottest idols in the early 00s. Tomohisa Yamashita died at age 33 yesterday at a local hospital. Yamapi, as called by many, was involved in a car accident along Japan’s highway. Sources say he was rushing back from Hokkaido and speeding at high speed along a dimly lit stretch of road when he lost control of the vehicle and swerved off course. He is best remembered from the popular JE group, NEWS, and his involvement with idol dramas. Last seen as an accomplished producer, he had just released his latest soundtrack of the recent idol drama. His best friend Ikuta Toma was said to be there when the affectionately called P-chan took his last breath.
~
Years later…
“Hurry dear, we don’t want to be late for daddy and uncle!”
A young teenage girl with beautiful delicate features and big round eyes stepped out of the car, dragging her feet as her mother smiled and reached for her hand. A bunch of sweet daffodils grasped around her hand, as her daughter had a similar bunch, the two made their way through the lines of urns, navigating till they reached the spot, where two familiar photographs were placed side by side.
“Come, bow to papa.”
The girl willingly obliged.
“Toma, we’re here again. Miki’s grown up a year already. Thank you for blessing her so much.” Maki fondly stroked her daughter’s head. “Come, do the same for Yamashita-san.” She motioned to the neighboring urn.
Miki frowned. “Mother, I still don’t understand. The place beside papa, is supposed to be reserved for you. Why is Yamashita-san taking your place?”
Maki’s eyes sparkled with depths of untold secrets. “Your father and I were very much in love. But there was someone, someone who loved your father even more. We can only hope that in the next future, their lives will live out the reality that was never fulfilled in this life.”