Shit happens
The last month has been a bit hard. Finally i could sum it all under three titles. Three problems. Things that have affected me.
He was diagnosed with an early stage cancer a few years ago. Very early stage, thank God Almighty. He was treated and has been in the follow-up since then. Or so we thought. His check-ups were down to once-a-year intervals. On May, actually. Some things happened, my parents feared that bro has stopped his controls, i defended him. Said he wouldn't do such an irresponsible thing. He was a veterinarian himself, knew what we were dealing with. Turned out, he had stopped going to his control visits, for almost two years now. He called and told me himself. How and why he stopped, and how he would never ever go to a doctor again. That he was having nightmares. That nothing or no one in this world could make him to go to the hospital. He was fine, thank you very much, and there was no need for him to go. That he underwent the treatments and that was enough. That he has been going to the hospital for the last 26 years and that-was-enough. Period.
I was at work when he broke the news. Work being an oncology clinic. Day in and day out, i try to help patients. I try to convince them to undergo treatments, to keep coming to their checks etc. At that moment, i got so angry i couldn't speak for a moment. Like the world was falling around my ears or something. Then i told him that i was being called. That i was going to see my patients who were looking for solutions. Never raised my voice or anything.
He was right in saying that he has been going to hospital for the last 26 years. Being diagnosed with a heart condition at birth, he had his routine checks. He used to get fevers very easily too. He had two surgeries, the last being a valve replacement. And he is fine since then.
But all that, all his visits to the hospital, all the medical knowledge in the world, is not enough to ensure that something won't ever happen again. And as an oncologist, i know his cancer is very likely to recur. That routine controls are the best, heck, the only way to be a step ahead of this disease.
It took me a few days to be able to talk to him without losing my nerve. I must give them credit, my parents were truly sensible in this matter. Heard the news, accepted and started looking for ways. And I couldn't be that calm. The doctor in me was, is still, clashing with the big-sister. (big-sister? f*ck me!)
He went to visit my parents one weekend. Well, just for a day. Later, he came to see me one weekend. I couldn't open the subject. He evaded all the time. I'm happy that we parted without shouting though.
Good news is that he accepted seeing a psychiatrist about this. I have a friend, a psychiatrist. Helped me a great deal. Through her contacts, i hope to God that we'll find a way to this. I know there are something wrong with his defense mechanisms. There may or may not be depression too. But at least he said he would see this person. I really don't want to second guess his words. I never did, until this. I don't ever want to.
Knowing what's right, knowing what should be done doesn't mean you can do it. Or that once you say so people will listen. Or that you can make them. In my work, i've learned that i can not help everyone. But when it happens to you, it's not that easy. It hurts.
God! I really needed to get this out. Feel drained though. Can't really go into the other two problems. Tomorrow maybe.
He was diagnosed with an early stage cancer a few years ago. Very early stage, thank God Almighty. He was treated and has been in the follow-up since then. Or so we thought. His check-ups were down to once-a-year intervals. On May, actually. Some things happened, my parents feared that bro has stopped his controls, i defended him. Said he wouldn't do such an irresponsible thing. He was a veterinarian himself, knew what we were dealing with. Turned out, he had stopped going to his control visits, for almost two years now. He called and told me himself. How and why he stopped, and how he would never ever go to a doctor again. That he was having nightmares. That nothing or no one in this world could make him to go to the hospital. He was fine, thank you very much, and there was no need for him to go. That he underwent the treatments and that was enough. That he has been going to the hospital for the last 26 years and that-was-enough. Period.
I was at work when he broke the news. Work being an oncology clinic. Day in and day out, i try to help patients. I try to convince them to undergo treatments, to keep coming to their checks etc. At that moment, i got so angry i couldn't speak for a moment. Like the world was falling around my ears or something. Then i told him that i was being called. That i was going to see my patients who were looking for solutions. Never raised my voice or anything.
He was right in saying that he has been going to hospital for the last 26 years. Being diagnosed with a heart condition at birth, he had his routine checks. He used to get fevers very easily too. He had two surgeries, the last being a valve replacement. And he is fine since then.
But all that, all his visits to the hospital, all the medical knowledge in the world, is not enough to ensure that something won't ever happen again. And as an oncologist, i know his cancer is very likely to recur. That routine controls are the best, heck, the only way to be a step ahead of this disease.
It took me a few days to be able to talk to him without losing my nerve. I must give them credit, my parents were truly sensible in this matter. Heard the news, accepted and started looking for ways. And I couldn't be that calm. The doctor in me was, is still, clashing with the big-sister. (big-sister? f*ck me!)
He went to visit my parents one weekend. Well, just for a day. Later, he came to see me one weekend. I couldn't open the subject. He evaded all the time. I'm happy that we parted without shouting though.
Good news is that he accepted seeing a psychiatrist about this. I have a friend, a psychiatrist. Helped me a great deal. Through her contacts, i hope to God that we'll find a way to this. I know there are something wrong with his defense mechanisms. There may or may not be depression too. But at least he said he would see this person. I really don't want to second guess his words. I never did, until this. I don't ever want to.
Knowing what's right, knowing what should be done doesn't mean you can do it. Or that once you say so people will listen. Or that you can make them. In my work, i've learned that i can not help everyone. But when it happens to you, it's not that easy. It hurts.
God! I really needed to get this out. Feel drained though. Can't really go into the other two problems. Tomorrow maybe.