(no subject)
I committed poetry in
papersky 's comments section. Reposted here for those of y'all who don't overlap.
Elf Insurance
If you lose your elf, we will replace it
or provide a pot of gold of equivalent value
up to the mean Rainbow Standard
adjusted for inflation.
Some exclusions apply.
Loss of elf must be due to natural
or unnatural disaster
(acts of the Smaller Gods included
for an additional fee).
If you acquired your elf
through the Changeling Exchange Program,
you are not eligible for monetary compensation,
only the return of your original child.
We strongly advise you to read the manual.
If you thank your brownie,
or provide apparel to your shoemaker,
or look into the locked chest/room
or other specific prohibitions delineated
under separate cover,
this warranty is hereby rendered null and void.
The above is governed by the laws of Faery
and the customs appertaining thereto
in the event of a dispute
both parties agree to the arbitration of Titania
or her duly appointed successor or representative
and very arbitrary it is, too.
We strongly recommend that you do not
fall in love with your elf. You can if you want to,
you will remain a policyholder in good standing.
I'm just saying, a pot of gold is a cold companion
on a lazy Sunday morning. I'm just saying
you never want to hear an insurance adjuster tell you
"he got bored, you were getting old."
I'm just saying don't eat the pomegranate,
don't drink the wine. Bring a power bar,
wear sensible shoes and try not to dance.
But if you don't listen to me,
and no one ever listens to me,
just remember, when the seven-year itch meets the
seven-year tithe and it all goes straight to hell,
we're hiring.
.
papersky 's comments section. Reposted here for those of y'all who don't overlap.
Elf Insurance
If you lose your elf, we will replace it
or provide a pot of gold of equivalent value
up to the mean Rainbow Standard
adjusted for inflation.
Some exclusions apply.
Loss of elf must be due to natural
or unnatural disaster
(acts of the Smaller Gods included
for an additional fee).
If you acquired your elf
through the Changeling Exchange Program,
you are not eligible for monetary compensation,
only the return of your original child.
We strongly advise you to read the manual.
If you thank your brownie,
or provide apparel to your shoemaker,
or look into the locked chest/room
or other specific prohibitions delineated
under separate cover,
this warranty is hereby rendered null and void.
The above is governed by the laws of Faery
and the customs appertaining thereto
in the event of a dispute
both parties agree to the arbitration of Titania
or her duly appointed successor or representative
and very arbitrary it is, too.
We strongly recommend that you do not
fall in love with your elf. You can if you want to,
you will remain a policyholder in good standing.
I'm just saying, a pot of gold is a cold companion
on a lazy Sunday morning. I'm just saying
you never want to hear an insurance adjuster tell you
"he got bored, you were getting old."
I'm just saying don't eat the pomegranate,
don't drink the wine. Bring a power bar,
wear sensible shoes and try not to dance.
But if you don't listen to me,
and no one ever listens to me,
just remember, when the seven-year itch meets the
seven-year tithe and it all goes straight to hell,
we're hiring.
.