The Cool Kids

[stacia_kane]

I’d planned to post about something else today (Amber Publishing, who are publishing the Downside books in Poland, have posted the cover and blurb on their site, in Polish [of course], which is totally cool), but that, along with the online translation of it, will have to wait. Because I’ve had this post in mind for like a month now, and I want to

Comments

[ex_kaz_maho]

Love this post. LOVE it. Thank you for taking the time to write this up.

The more I see of this sort of behaviour - especially online - the more I find myself withdrawing from online forums. I've even been quieter on twitter lately. There always seems to be something related to this sort of crap going on. Ugh. It makes me so sad. And angry. And then I don't know what to do about it so I withdraw. Which isn't much of an answer, I know.

In real life, I was bullied out of a job 2 years ago. To think that at one point I was pulled into an office and faced with THREE older women - with no warning or time to prepare - telling me how I had to stop speaking out about something that I felt was wrong... Well, it was at that point I collected my things and walked out. I'm glad I did that, but every time I think of it I still feel scared - not just angry. I remember the sheer terror that crawled up my spine and made me feel sick as I sat in the office and faced those women.

I can't stand bullies. It really, really pushes my buttons.

[stacia_kane]

Thanks, Kaz. And you know, I've been doing the same thing, as far as withdrawing online. It just doesn't feel worth it anymore, when you know that either you'll find people being shitty about others, or they'll take whatever innocent thing you say as an insult and get shitty with you, or whatever. It's just started to feel lately like people talking to hear themselves talk, and not really interested in just having fun or having conversations with people. And yeah, it makes me sad and angry and ultimately just bored, really.

And I've been there, with the workplace bullying. Not as bad as your situation, I don't think, but I've definitely been in that position. More on that later, lol, I'm about to go to bed (I wanted to reply to all comments before bed but tiredness just hit me).

Hugs

[ex_naomi_ja]

I was bulled atrociously by my boss at my current job when I first started. Undermined, shouted at, scolded in front of other members of staff, etc. I ended up on antidepressants for over a year. Then she left. Huzzahs! But I still hear stories about her in her new place, and it sounds like she hasn't changed at all.

Thank you for this post - will definitely pass the link along.

[stacia_kane]

See, and you wonder how the hell people like that manage to keep their jobs. I guess their bosses don't see it? I think a lot of bullies are accomplished at sucking up, too, and pretending to be what they're not. It's a shame. No one should be treated like that.

[ex_naomi_ja]

I think in this case the woman was scarily efficient - nobody could accuse her of not getting the job done! And because I was so depressed and lacked the confidence to speak up, it just carried on. After she left, a lot of other people told me they had clashed with her, but nobody ever brought it to the attention of people who could have done anything about. In retrospect, I regret I didn't speak up, but what's done is done.

[stacia_kane]

Yeah, it just seems like the simplest discussions turn into ragefests, where everyone wants to play the victim and feel their rights or whatever are being trampled on. And I can't help thinking that if they were having the same conversation face-to-face, the anger would be noticeably less or absent altogether. Nobody is willing to even put themselves in someone else's shoes for even a second.

I don't hate confrontation, but I do hate it when it's pointless or over silly things that really shouldn't or don't matter that much. I pick my battles.

[tinachristopher]

Great post!

Thank you.

[robertsloan2]

Great essay. Thank you for that

[stacia_kane]

And I think that's a big reason why so many people do nothing about the bullying. They think it will build character, or whatever. And you know, I think to a certain, very small extent, they're right, or rather they could be--only in so much as I think learning that not everyone is your friend, and there's no reason/need for them to be, and that some people are just bastards, is an important and valuable lesson.

But there's a difference between that and bullying, and the bullying that goes on today is more widespread and I think more vicious than it was twenty years ago, and it shouldn't be tolerated.

Thanks for sharing your story.