More Doctor Who fic!

[ssauei_ssui]

Title: Second Chances
Chapter Title: Master
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When the Master regenerates into a young boy, Jack decides to give him a second chance. Seventeen years later, the Master takes the Doctor up on his offer.
Spoilers: through LotTL
Warnings: ANGST, SLASH, regeneration, crossover with Torchwood, non-canon with “Fragments”
Pairings: Doctor/

Comments

[ebonhush]

Hmm... I like the premise of this story very much; it a fascinating idea. I did pick up that you used Dollars in stead of pounds, which Jack might do if he were Amercan which he is not.

Now that you ask, the first chapter does seem a bit rushed, like a list of things happening in order, rather than a story. (I really don't eman anything bad by saying this)

I'm looking forward to the next part. This should get interesting.

P.S. I'm curious: how many (if any) OCs are you planning to use?

[ssauei_ssui]

Yeah... I got a review on FF that pointed that out... and about a dozen other things that I didn't know about... *headdesk*

I always fear that my stories sound like descriptions... Eeks... Yet because this is kind of a prologue, I'll probably be too lazy to change it... *sweatdrop* Would you be willing to look over the next chapter? (Trouble is, I'm pretty sure that one sounds like a list, 'cause it's kind of supposed to, but it still has to be interesting... It's a dilemma.)

Aside from Griffin's parents... oh, wait. I do have OC's. This is because they have to play the rest of the cast in every "episode" of this story. Hmm... biggest OC I have is probably... oh wait, that's a spoiler :P . (Oh, blah. I was planning for the first episode to be in Earth's history, but that breaks the rules of FF.Net, where I x-posted this... Whatever. I'll modify it slightly for FF.)

[ebonhush]

Hmm... I would be willing to look over the next chapter, sure. I'm not much of a fan of OCs, like, at all, but yeah. I'll check it out. Just email me with it. My mail is heart_of_tara@hotmail.com.

I'll reserve judgement on whether I'll do the rest of the story, but I'm certainly willing to give it a try, because the plot seems interesting. Just so you know: the moment I think the OCs are taking over, I'm outta there. It's not that I mind people liking writing about Original Characters, it's just not my cuppa tea.

I've done a little BETA work (mostly grammar and spelling, but I'm a major fan of good storytelling, so I'll probably be able to help you with that part of it...)

I'm not too terribly good at Brit picking (being Danish) but yeah. Send it to me, I'll 'fix'/change what I think and write some suggestions and you can take it from there, sound good?

Looking forward to hearing from ya.

Ebon Hush

[ebonhush]

And oh, yeah. I write on ff.net too. Mostly X-Men movie 'verse, but I do have one TW story (a oneshot); you know, if you'd like to check my 'credentials' ;)

I go by Ebon Hush there... The story is called 'Cake or Death'.

[firestorm172001]

past Doctor/Rose and Jack/Ianto (past pairings are essentially springboards for angst)

When the light faded, a little black-haired boy of about nine years old lay where the Master had been.

He was surprised, when it cleared, to find himself in Wales, year 1990. He hadn’t gone far at all.

He couldn’t raise a child himself and didn’t trust the foster system, but he’d heard that the Joneses were wonderful parents and might be willing to take an orphan in.

I see what you did there. I approve.

[ssauei_ssui]

Glad you like it! ;)

[aunt_zelda]

Yeek! What WAS Jack thinking, leaving the Master with an innocent, helpless family?! And the Doctor might have a double-heart-attack when he sees the Master alive and well! (Though I expect that to happen when the Master returns on the show, as you know he's got to.)
Loving the name 'Griffin' because I'm a mythology geek.
Can't wait for more!

[edzel2]

I liked it too. I'm the same when it comes to prologues - you just want to cut to the chase, the real story, don't you, so I can understand why the first chapter was the way it was. It sets the scene so I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'm looking forward to the second chapter - and this is from someone who is really only into Simm/Master so for me to read past his regeneration into another "not Simm" body has to say something, dosen't it... I look forward to chapter 2!

[d_fritillary]

:) very nice. I agree about it being a little "list-like" as someone said, but not too much so.
I'm also willing to Beta stuff (and am also very definitly English and am currently writing lengthy scientific essays in the language, so if you need a second/third check, I'm here.) although I second the OC's-taking-over opinon, unless they're well written, since i read alot of original fiction and so learn to cope with them.

Three things:
"Jones'" [Joneses] technically needs an apostrophe, but actually makes more lyrical sense if you keep it the way you've got it.

The Year That Never Was needs to be all caps or only the non-conjunctive words (Year and Never).

You have pointless dot-dot-dot after the "never been broken that entire year, not by the Master and certainly not by Jack."

all really tiny things. otherwise absolutly fine. personally I'm not sure you need a Beta at all.
*is nit-picking*

[ssauei_ssui]

Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

Yeah, I normally don't have a beta (being a lifelong writer and grammar freak as I am), but I was worried about the next chapter... (actually, I think the whole story goes out on several limbs.) OCs in this story only stick around for a few chapters, so I don't think they'll take over. Thanks for the offer. I have a couple people beta-ing, so I think I'm good. (And after the second chapter, I think I'm fine overall.)

[ssauei_ssui]

Actually, if you still remember me/this story, would you be upset if I changed my mind about the beta offer? I sent the second chapter (which I finally finished typing up today) to the two people I have betaing, but I don't know when I'll hear back and I am notoriously impatient... Would you mind betaing? If you wouldn't mind, could I have an email address to send it to?