[ENT+DW+TW] [Gen] [K] The Accidental Tourists
Title: The Accidental Tourists
Fandoms: Enterprise, Whoverse crossover
Type: Gen
Length: @1,400 words
Rating: Safe for All
Description: Trip and Malcolm’s TARDIS tales
Credits: A huge thanks to omglawdork and sharp2799 for their 11th hour beta efforts. And much gratitude to pixie_on_acid for talking me down from the ledge when I was ready to give up on this.
The Accidental Tourists
"Malcolm reckons the first time we saw it was on Risa, but I don't recall that," Trip explained.
"I don't know how you could've missed it," Malcolm scolded. "A twentieth-century British artifact on a Risan street? I'm certain I remarked on it."
"Well," Trip admitted with a conspiratorial grin, "I was pretty intent on gettin' where we were goin'."
Malcolm immediately redirected the conversation, for the sake of their reputations. "The second time we saw it, it definitely made a greater impression."
"That it did," Trip agreed. He leaned forward in his chair with an eager expression that Malcolm recognized as the beginning of Trip's storytelling-mode. He'd heard Trip recount this particular mission more than once, and each time Trip made it sound less like the fairly mundane alien encounter it was and more like one of those B-movies he liked so much. Malcolm sighed quietly and took another sip of his whiskey as Trip launched into his tale. "We were surveying an uninhabited M-class planet when Malcolm started picking up a power signature. It was a good ways off-"
"Three kilometers from our shuttlepod," Malcolm interjected.
"Three kilometers off," Trip continued, "but considering the planet was supposed to be completely uninhabited, we decided we'd better check it out. So we trudged through three kilometers of this miserable, muggy jungle. The air was thick as molasses and just as still. And the plant life was so dense, you could hardly tell it was day. Gradually, we started to see light ahead. We finally spilled out on this gorgeous, sunny beach and-"
"That's where we saw the police box, sitting right there in the sand. Even Commander Tucker couldn't have missed it."
Trip grinned. "Or the bikini-clad blonde dashing through the doors."
"That'd be Rose," said the third man at the table with a fond smile. "She never could resist a bit of fun."
"So, the next thing we know, the box starts fading. Fading and reappearing. Then whoosh!" Trip gestured at nothing, like a magician after a vanishing trick. "It's gone!"
Trip leaned back in his chair and Malcolm picked up the tale. "We contacted our ship, and they told us there were no ships in transporter range. We didn't believe that a police box could be capable of travel on its own, so we believed it had employed some kind of cloaking technology. We couldn't detect it on any of our instruments, but we assumed it was still present and in a contained area, so we began a grid search."
Trip snorted. "He means that we spent half an hour walking around that little strip of beach with our arms out in front of us like we were feelin' for a wall in the dark."
Their host poured each of them another shot, then refilled his own glass. "But you didn't find anything," he said - a statement, not a question.
"Not a thing," Trip agreed.
"Was that the last time you saw it? Before this time, I mean?"
"Yeah, that was it."
"So, how exactly did you end up with it now?"
"Well, now..." Trip hesitated. "That's a bit hard to explain."
"Not hard to explain," Malcolm disagreed. "Hard to believe."
The man smiled at them, but an underlying hardness to his expression said he'd seen and believed a lot. "Try me."
"It was a closet."
The man paused, took a sip of his drink, then calmly asked, "Come again?"
"It was a closet," Trip repeated. "See, we have this... this crew member. Sorta."
"Crewman Daniels," Malcolm said. "He's not actually a member of our crew, as it turns out, but a time traveler. From the future."
"From your future," the man noted.
Malcolm looked perplexed. "Who else's future would he be from?"
"I just meant... Never mind. Are you saying the TARDIS was in Daniels’ closet?"
Malcolm and Trip looked at one another. "The what?"
"The TARDIS. That's the name of the ship. The police box."
"It wasn't in his closet, it was his closet. Open the door, push the uniforms aside, and you were inside of it. Of course, we didn't know it was the police box - the TARDIS - at the time, because we couldn't see the outside of it."
"I know it sounds as though we've been reading too much C.S. Lewis, but it's true," Malcolm assured him.
The man nodded, and Trip continued the story. "We walked inside and started looking around. I had just walked over to the controls, when suddenly, the whole ship started shaking. I was thrown off balance and reached out to grab the console to steady myself. I must've hit a lever or a button, or something, because the next thing we knew everything was lightin' up like fireworks and just as noisy. Then, just as sudden, it all stopped and we were here - smack in the middle of Cardiff."
A screech sounded through the room and something large flew past the window. Trip instinctively ducked, while Malcolm reached for his phase pistol - forgetting he wasn't carrying one. Glancing up, he saw that their host hadn't even flinched. "What on Earth was that?"
"Nothing," he replied, waving his hand dismissively. Seeing they wouldn't be satisfied with that answer, he added, "Pterodactyl. Long story. The question is, if you're here, where is the Doctor?"
Malcolm looked him over suspiciously. "You did say this was twenty-first century Cardiff? Planet Earth, Sol system?"
"Yes. I assure you, this is your past."
At that moment, a wild-eyed man stormed through the door, followed by a young woman in a leather jacket. He stood before Malcolm and Trip with arms crossed angrily. "Are these the hooligans that took the TARDIS for a joyride?"
Captain Harkness set his drink on the table and stepped toward the newcomers. "Nice to see you too, Doctor,” he said wryly. With a genuine smile, he turned to the woman and opened his arms. "Martha!"
"Hello, Jack," she said, giving him a squeeze. "Good to see you. Thanks for the message on my answerphone."
"It was a long shot, but when I found these two in the TARDIS, I figured you two might be stranded here." Jack turned to the Doctor, who was still glaring at Trip and Malcolm. "And no, they did not take the TARDIS for a ride; the TARDIS took them for a ride."
The Doctor cocked an eyebrow in Jack's direction and he continued, "Daniels. He was a Time Agent - or I guess they still called them Temporal Agents in his day." Jack looked to Trip for confirmation, but only got a wide-eyed stare in return. "Kind of sounds stuffy, don't you think? 'Temporal Agent?'"
"It does a bit," Martha agreed. "Time Agent rolls off the tongue more easily, yeah?"
"Exactly," Jack said. "Anyway, they found the TARDIS on their ship, impersonating Daniels' closet. I'm guessing something triggered his emergency escape protocol. It would attract any time travel device in range."
The Doctor let his arms fall to his sides and, with disturbing quickness, he shifted from furiously angry to gratingly cheerful. Even his hair seemed to grow a bit perkier. "Well, then, gentlemen! I suppose I should be thanking you!" He grabbed and shook Trip's hand, then Malcolm's. "Can I offer you a ride back home?"
"That'd be very kind of you," Trip said, clearly a bit overwhelmed. "And maybe you wouldn't mind stoppin' by to explain all this to Captain Archer."
"Captain Archer!" The Doctor repeated delightedly. "Martha, they're from the Enterprise." This meant nothing to Martha, so at her blank look, the Doctor turned his attention back to Trip. "Well, let's get you home then. Come along!"
As the Doctor herded them out of the room, in a great hurry to be off to the next adventure, Malcolm stopped to ask a question. "Captain Harkness, are you saying you know Daniels?"
Jack leaned against the edge of the table, long legs and arms crossed in front of him casually. "He started in the business a couple thousand years before I did, but yes, we crossed pasts a few times. He was a bumbling idiot."
Malcolm shook his head in bafflement and turned to go. "Wait a second," Jack called out. Trip and Malcolm both stopped in the doorway and looked back. "You never said. What were you two doing in Daniels' closet in the first place?"
Trip shoved Malcolm out the door of Jack's office and followed close behind. "Well, now," he said, grinning over his shoulder, "that's another story altogether!"
The End
Fandoms: Enterprise, Whoverse crossover
Type: Gen
Length: @1,400 words
Rating: Safe for All
Description: Trip and Malcolm’s TARDIS tales
Credits: A huge thanks to omglawdork and sharp2799 for their 11th hour beta efforts. And much gratitude to pixie_on_acid for talking me down from the ledge when I was ready to give up on this.
The Accidental Tourists
"Malcolm reckons the first time we saw it was on Risa, but I don't recall that," Trip explained.
"I don't know how you could've missed it," Malcolm scolded. "A twentieth-century British artifact on a Risan street? I'm certain I remarked on it."
"Well," Trip admitted with a conspiratorial grin, "I was pretty intent on gettin' where we were goin'."
Malcolm immediately redirected the conversation, for the sake of their reputations. "The second time we saw it, it definitely made a greater impression."
"That it did," Trip agreed. He leaned forward in his chair with an eager expression that Malcolm recognized as the beginning of Trip's storytelling-mode. He'd heard Trip recount this particular mission more than once, and each time Trip made it sound less like the fairly mundane alien encounter it was and more like one of those B-movies he liked so much. Malcolm sighed quietly and took another sip of his whiskey as Trip launched into his tale. "We were surveying an uninhabited M-class planet when Malcolm started picking up a power signature. It was a good ways off-"
"Three kilometers from our shuttlepod," Malcolm interjected.
"Three kilometers off," Trip continued, "but considering the planet was supposed to be completely uninhabited, we decided we'd better check it out. So we trudged through three kilometers of this miserable, muggy jungle. The air was thick as molasses and just as still. And the plant life was so dense, you could hardly tell it was day. Gradually, we started to see light ahead. We finally spilled out on this gorgeous, sunny beach and-"
"That's where we saw the police box, sitting right there in the sand. Even Commander Tucker couldn't have missed it."
Trip grinned. "Or the bikini-clad blonde dashing through the doors."
"That'd be Rose," said the third man at the table with a fond smile. "She never could resist a bit of fun."
"So, the next thing we know, the box starts fading. Fading and reappearing. Then whoosh!" Trip gestured at nothing, like a magician after a vanishing trick. "It's gone!"
Trip leaned back in his chair and Malcolm picked up the tale. "We contacted our ship, and they told us there were no ships in transporter range. We didn't believe that a police box could be capable of travel on its own, so we believed it had employed some kind of cloaking technology. We couldn't detect it on any of our instruments, but we assumed it was still present and in a contained area, so we began a grid search."
Trip snorted. "He means that we spent half an hour walking around that little strip of beach with our arms out in front of us like we were feelin' for a wall in the dark."
Their host poured each of them another shot, then refilled his own glass. "But you didn't find anything," he said - a statement, not a question.
"Not a thing," Trip agreed.
"Was that the last time you saw it? Before this time, I mean?"
"Yeah, that was it."
"So, how exactly did you end up with it now?"
"Well, now..." Trip hesitated. "That's a bit hard to explain."
"Not hard to explain," Malcolm disagreed. "Hard to believe."
The man smiled at them, but an underlying hardness to his expression said he'd seen and believed a lot. "Try me."
"It was a closet."
The man paused, took a sip of his drink, then calmly asked, "Come again?"
"It was a closet," Trip repeated. "See, we have this... this crew member. Sorta."
"Crewman Daniels," Malcolm said. "He's not actually a member of our crew, as it turns out, but a time traveler. From the future."
"From your future," the man noted.
Malcolm looked perplexed. "Who else's future would he be from?"
"I just meant... Never mind. Are you saying the TARDIS was in Daniels’ closet?"
Malcolm and Trip looked at one another. "The what?"
"The TARDIS. That's the name of the ship. The police box."
"It wasn't in his closet, it was his closet. Open the door, push the uniforms aside, and you were inside of it. Of course, we didn't know it was the police box - the TARDIS - at the time, because we couldn't see the outside of it."
"I know it sounds as though we've been reading too much C.S. Lewis, but it's true," Malcolm assured him.
The man nodded, and Trip continued the story. "We walked inside and started looking around. I had just walked over to the controls, when suddenly, the whole ship started shaking. I was thrown off balance and reached out to grab the console to steady myself. I must've hit a lever or a button, or something, because the next thing we knew everything was lightin' up like fireworks and just as noisy. Then, just as sudden, it all stopped and we were here - smack in the middle of Cardiff."
A screech sounded through the room and something large flew past the window. Trip instinctively ducked, while Malcolm reached for his phase pistol - forgetting he wasn't carrying one. Glancing up, he saw that their host hadn't even flinched. "What on Earth was that?"
"Nothing," he replied, waving his hand dismissively. Seeing they wouldn't be satisfied with that answer, he added, "Pterodactyl. Long story. The question is, if you're here, where is the Doctor?"
Malcolm looked him over suspiciously. "You did say this was twenty-first century Cardiff? Planet Earth, Sol system?"
"Yes. I assure you, this is your past."
At that moment, a wild-eyed man stormed through the door, followed by a young woman in a leather jacket. He stood before Malcolm and Trip with arms crossed angrily. "Are these the hooligans that took the TARDIS for a joyride?"
Captain Harkness set his drink on the table and stepped toward the newcomers. "Nice to see you too, Doctor,” he said wryly. With a genuine smile, he turned to the woman and opened his arms. "Martha!"
"Hello, Jack," she said, giving him a squeeze. "Good to see you. Thanks for the message on my answerphone."
"It was a long shot, but when I found these two in the TARDIS, I figured you two might be stranded here." Jack turned to the Doctor, who was still glaring at Trip and Malcolm. "And no, they did not take the TARDIS for a ride; the TARDIS took them for a ride."
The Doctor cocked an eyebrow in Jack's direction and he continued, "Daniels. He was a Time Agent - or I guess they still called them Temporal Agents in his day." Jack looked to Trip for confirmation, but only got a wide-eyed stare in return. "Kind of sounds stuffy, don't you think? 'Temporal Agent?'"
"It does a bit," Martha agreed. "Time Agent rolls off the tongue more easily, yeah?"
"Exactly," Jack said. "Anyway, they found the TARDIS on their ship, impersonating Daniels' closet. I'm guessing something triggered his emergency escape protocol. It would attract any time travel device in range."
The Doctor let his arms fall to his sides and, with disturbing quickness, he shifted from furiously angry to gratingly cheerful. Even his hair seemed to grow a bit perkier. "Well, then, gentlemen! I suppose I should be thanking you!" He grabbed and shook Trip's hand, then Malcolm's. "Can I offer you a ride back home?"
"That'd be very kind of you," Trip said, clearly a bit overwhelmed. "And maybe you wouldn't mind stoppin' by to explain all this to Captain Archer."
"Captain Archer!" The Doctor repeated delightedly. "Martha, they're from the Enterprise." This meant nothing to Martha, so at her blank look, the Doctor turned his attention back to Trip. "Well, let's get you home then. Come along!"
As the Doctor herded them out of the room, in a great hurry to be off to the next adventure, Malcolm stopped to ask a question. "Captain Harkness, are you saying you know Daniels?"
Jack leaned against the edge of the table, long legs and arms crossed in front of him casually. "He started in the business a couple thousand years before I did, but yes, we crossed pasts a few times. He was a bumbling idiot."
Malcolm shook his head in bafflement and turned to go. "Wait a second," Jack called out. Trip and Malcolm both stopped in the doorway and looked back. "You never said. What were you two doing in Daniels' closet in the first place?"
Trip shoved Malcolm out the door of Jack's office and followed close behind. "Well, now," he said, grinning over his shoulder, "that's another story altogether!"
The End