Comments | squeelated: [IPS] [Het] [M] What You Need

squeelated

[IPS] [Het] [M] What You Need

Jul 05, 2008 12:04

Title: What You Need
Fandom: In Plain Sight
Genre: Het, sort of hurt/comfort
Pairing: Mary/Marshall, mentions of Mary/Raph, Brandi/Raph
Length: 2,660 words
Rating: M
Credits: Thanks to jennukes and pixie_on_acid for beta-reading.

Summary: Marshall always knows what Mary needs.

( Click for Fic )

het, h/c, kink, fanfic, ips

Comments 28

anonymous July 5 2008, 16:55:44 UTC

Great Fic. :)

squeelated July 5 2008, 17:17:17 UTC

Thank you!

wimseynotes July 5 2008, 17:05:02 UTC

OK - I LOVED this. Aside from the the all-out HOTNESS factor, you managed to catch both Marshall and Mary perfectly - I could hear them saying your lines, could see the expressions on their faces that you didn't even have to write in.

Mary's internal dialogue was dead-on, but Marshall was beyond that, "Marshall rubs a hand over his hair and sits up. 'Mary, there's no rush. You can start pretending this never happened in the morning.'"

*sigh* He knows her so well.

squeelated July 5 2008, 17:22:30 UTC

Thanks so much! There's no greater praise to me than to hear that you could hear the dialogue in the characters' voices. (And it especially means a lot coming from you, because I enjoyed your recent fic so much!)

seularen July 5 2008, 17:06:57 UTC

Awww! Wonderfully in character. Marshall really does know what she needs-- I loved that line. I just wish she would realize it.

squeelated July 5 2008, 17:23:21 UTC

Thank you so much! I'm delighted that you found it in character!

alethialia July 5 2008, 17:51:08 UTC

Thanks to her job, most of the men she knows are barely-rehabilitated slimebags, and bafflingly, many of those are married.

Utterly. Perfect.

"You're perfect," Marshall adds, turning back to the TV himself.

For some reason, this line more than anything hit me as so patently Marshall. Like, there is no earthly way Mary is perfect, but to Marshall? Yeah.

"Well, I'm ambivalent towards the jello sensation, but what led to it was definitely good."

Heh. Again, you've really nailed Mary's voice.

"They're on my side," Marshall mutters, his voice husky with sleep. "But you're not going anywhere."

And Marshall's, as well. The sheer presumption here is shocking, more so when you remember he's saying this to Mary because who the hell would dare? But it's so Marshall and her response just proves how well he knows her.

Really, truly lovely. And hot. And believable. And funny. Thank you for sharing.

squeelated July 5 2008, 18:21:55 UTC

Thank you so very much for the detailed feedback! It's really helpful to find out what worked well for a reader. In my head, I just think "Oh, this works," but seldom think about why. This really helps me analyze it.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

kingzgurl July 5 2008, 20:01:57 UTC

*fans self*
Oh the hottness factor just went through the roof.

I love how in-character you keep them! You've got their voices perfect in this.

squeelated July 5 2008, 20:54:20 UTC

Thank you so much! I'm really glad you think the voices were right!