Following, Part Eleven [Juliet/Jack] [R/NC-17] [WIP]

[squeakyboots]

Title: Following (Part Eleven)
Characters: Juliet, Jack, Charlotte, Daniel, Hurley, Bernard & Rose (so far)
Pairing: Juliet/Jack, hints of Charlotte/Daniel
Rating: R/NC-17 (I'm unrepentantly flirting with PWP in this chapter: don't say I didn't warn you!)
Spoilers: Season 4, Season 5 (sort of)
A/N:  So I majorly needed a break from work...This is

Comments

[nighttiming1022]

I haven't even read this yet, but yay a new chapter! So happy to see this on my f-list. Can't wait to read it tonight!

[squeakyboots]

Yay! I'm looking forward to your comments, as usual!

[nighttiming1022]

I fail! Last night was the never-ending night. I'm losing a roommate, and it was insanity here. smh. But, I’ve finally read the chapter.

I whole-heartedly approve of the changes to the scene :)

his voice became automatically gentler, almost reverent

“Jack-” she began, but didn’t seem to know how to continue. While he hesitated, she looked down at him uncertainly, the flush on her face having spread over her neck and chest. He had never seen her so discomposed

I think this worked really well because of the changes you made, and I think it really made this line her normally cool, blue eyes were hot, dark, and bewildered, as though she wasn’t quite sure how they had ended up on her bathroom floor work.

some masochistic part of him couldn’t help thinking-ready. Loved this line. Masochism indeed.

I loved this Affected by her fantasy, all he could think about now was the impossible prospect of pinning her up against the wall, or the floor, or-anywhere really-for him, the place had never been important but then the fact

[squeakyboots]

That's cool--I can totally sympathize--just did a move myself a few months ago, and it always takes longer than you think it's going to. :P

I'm glad you liked the changes. I was trying to play up the whole "control" thing you talked about--without making Juliet too vulnerable. It's always a fine line with her and I do like to keep her as tough as I can as a rule (rather than erring in the opposite direction, which I think a lot of fanfic I've read does).

That's a major part of the reason I'm writing from Jack's POV--I like Juliet as a little bit of a cipher. But also since I am writing from Jack's POV, I do agree with you that he would really be interested in those moments of vulnerability from her.

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment! :)

[nighttiming1022]

It is certainly a fine line with Juliet, but you definitely achieved keeping Juliet vulnerable within that limit because I didn't feel her as vulnerable in this version as I did with the draft.